A World Without You

by Skylily Romances

Elizabeth Arcana, halfway to her 30s, is sick of her life. Her discovery of a certain game and of a certain vampire brought her joy. Enough to abandon her real life to spend more time with him, get to know him, and even love him. She wakes one day to be IN the game, thinking it a dream, only to find it to be very real! Her fantasy love was about to get a little more personal.

7. Chapter 6: Wondering

Eliza's POV

She couldn't help it…

After the entire day with all that's happened…

She didn't know what he really thought, and it wasn't right to invade his thoughts…

Even with their connection and the temptation was there between the worms…

She didn't indulge further…

Instead she let her mind wander. The only thoughts that made any sense based on his current reactions towards her…

Was that he hated her somehow…

She did everything she could to make sure he wouldn't… and now he can't even look at her…

It caused a pain in her chest and her eyes filled with tears…

She couldn't look at him.

She didn't want to know his answer, in case it was the truth…

She heard the grass in front of her move suddenly, but didn't change her gaze…

Her words fumble from her mouth… they shake as they leave her once more…

Eliza: "I understand that I can be frustrating… I know so little, I'm practically useless… I'm lucky I'm even alive… I'm not a teacher, a warrior, or rich… If anything… I'm a danger to you all and I'm a terrible excuse for a leader… I'm so sorry… Maybe… Maybe I am better off dead-"

Astarion: "Shut-up!"

His words interrupted hers, they were filled with anger… In her surprise, her eyes met with his… She could see his visible irritation, and she tried to prepare for what he was about to say…

But, nothing could have prepared her from what he said…

Astarion: "Don't you ever say that! I am lucky to have a leader like you! We all are!"

He stayed on the ground where he sat, his pi

ercing gaze staring into her eyes… Soon his anger slipped away, he cleared his throat, and replaced his demeanor with the opposite of his usual self…

With a lot more honest opinions than he has ever expressed before…

Astarion: "You should never think such things… They will never be true… Everyone here praises you and they aren't wrong for it. It doesn't matter what you know or what you have… We-... I couldn't ask for better…You are already the best leader anyone could ever ask for… You've done more for me than anyone I've met… And I've met a lot of people…"

His gaze looks off in the distance, seeming lost in his own world as he returns to lay on his back. Gazing up at the night sky…

She couldn't even begin to express her gratitude after hearing something so wonderful…

There was so much she wanted to say…

But chose to say nothing instead, she didn't eant to ruin the moment…

A large smile traces her lips, as silence goes on between them for a while…

Eventually she moves to lie in the grass not far from him. Their bodies lay beside each other but face in opposite directions. He watched her as she got herself comfortable.

She found her eyes looking into his when she looked over at him…

Her cheeks flush red from his intense stare…

His gaze looked lost in hers for a while, only for him to correct it to the stars up above…

Soon he speaks… his voice low enough for her to hear…

He mumbled out in a tone she never heard in his voice before…

Astarion: "You're too cute to be hated anyway…"

Her heart raced from his words… She was close enough to him she was worried he might hear it…

Thoughts in her head began to stir violently as she stared at his lips when they smiled…

In her sudden panic she cleared her throat and rushed to get to her feet…

Eliza: "Ahem!... A-As much as I would enjoy lounging about… I-I better go make sure the pot is off the fire!… Enjoy yourself… I'll be at the camp…"

ClickHis eyes looked up at hers, she could almost see disappointment in them…

Until his usual chipper self took over…

Astarion: "Of course! Go enjoy the food - I'll join you shortly…"

With a small wave she turned and raced back to camp…

Her head and heart rapidly swirling with indecent thoughts…

She emerges from the trees and bushes.

Her feet touch the edge of the campsite in seconds from how fast she ran, and she halts to a stop. Taking a moment for her breathing to calm…

To clear her mind of the sudden urge she got…

Not to do harm this time…

No… it was something else…

Something that made her heart pound…

Her stomach doing flips, along with the rest of her insides dancing with ecstasy.…

Unfortunately, her mind can only think of it now…

What his touch would feel like again if he wanted caress her cheek.…

How his lips would taste if he wanted to lean in…

How they would feel against hers if she let him…

…

Her heart is now throbbing in her chest…

She felt like she was having a heart attack.

Her words fly out in a whispered breath.

Eliza: "Oh gods… This man will be the true death of me…"

…

Now thoughts of death depressed her…

If she did… She would miss out on more days she could spend with him…

Would he… let her die…?

People can be brought back in this world…

Would she be happy if he brought her back?

Or… Would they be safer if she died?...

Was it selfish for her to want more out of life?

Was it right for her to want to live?…

With him… For him…

The way she thinks about him…

Would he like it?

Would he accept her?

Now that she knows how she feels…

Now that she knows that she likes him…

A lot more than a friend…

Could they be more?

…

No… She can't…

Not until she gets full control of this beast within her…

She was able to fight off the urges today…

Tomorrow was another battle…

Until he was safe from her…

Only then will she confess how she feels…

He might not even like her like that…

Was she even ready for anything like that?…

Would she be enough?…

…

She had to think of something… less depressing…

She tried anything to distract her mind…

So, she returns to the campfire only to notice she has eyes on her as they stare at her with curiosity…

Their mouths full of stew as they stare awkwardly at each other and back at her…

The pot was already off the flames.

The wizard takes a moment to swallow before he asks.

Gale: "Everything alright?... Did you find our pale fellow? You seemed winded there… A little spooked even… Did he scare you off?"

Eliza was screaming on the inside.

They saw everything, her panic from her realization. Her face flushed when she thought about "our pale fellow" in improper ways…

They saw all of it…

She hastily replied, trying her best to remain calm, only for her words to fumble erratically… pausing in between to quickly give any answer.

Tying to deflect the topic entirely.

Eliza: "O-Oh well… Umm… you see… I'm o-obviously tired from the day!… Yes! I haven't eaten all day either. I rushed all the way here so I could eat. I-I just think I might be a little light headed from such a long day… A-And as for Astarion, he was just getting some fresh air. He will be back any moment… Is the food any good?"

They stare at her with their own versions of confusion.

The cleric was a little thrown off by her nervous demeanor.

The gith stares at her with morbid suspension.

The wizard only holds his look for a moment. Then he perks up and grabs a bowl with a spoon, it was already set out and waiting to be eaten. He hands it to her and speaks with enthusiasm.

Gale: "You really need to eat this then - It's amazing! It's so good, this was to be my next serving! But you should definitely have it, you need to eat it more than I do."

The half-Elf speaks up, her voice was direct, giving the human a smirk with a raised eyebrow.

Shadowheart: "Don't lie, we all know you set that aside for her. Your little crush couldn't be more obvious."

Both the bard and the wizard stare at the cleric wide eyed awkwardly.

Eliza: If it's obvious for him, am I obvious with Astarion?! I couldn't even tell Gale had a crush on me!... I must have it written all over my face!

She was thankful that the cleric didn't look suspicious of her yet.

The wizard mumbled to himself but loud enough to be heard as he spoke with distaste.

His cheeks were slightly flushed and his hand was still outstretched with the bowl in hand.

Gale: "I-I don't know what you're talking about. Crush?... psh…"

The half-Elf didn't pay attention to him long, it quickly changed in her direction with a mean glare.

The gith remained silent and continued to eat with her eyes bearing into the bard as well.

Eliza froze as her heart raced… hoping they didn't see right through her too…

Only for the cleric to shout in a mildly angry tone.

Shadowheart: "What are you waiting for? Take the bowl and explain to us why you haven't eaten yet! I knew you didn't eat during our short rest today, why?!"

Eliza takes a breath she didn't know she was holding. It became a sigh of relief. She wasn't thrown off in the slightest by the half-Elf and her attitude. She was just grateful that the subject changed…

So, she calmly comes over, grabs the bowl from his hands, and takes a seat next to him on the ground near the flames.

Giving her response to the cleric.

Eliza: "I forget to… My stomach gets upset a lot, even when I'm not hungry. So, I ignore it… Only when my stomach screams at me violently do I realize I'm hungry…"

She began chewing the food but felt she had eyes on her once again. She looked up from her bowl to see them all glaring in her direction…

Some with curiosity, others with concern.

The one with curiosity and concern spoke first, ready to reach for her blade.

The Gith was silently glaring at the bard the entire time. Finally her suspicion had a reason to be spoken about.

Lae'zel: "What would burden you so profusely? I wonder... That isn't normal… Are you perhaps starting the next phase of ceremorphosis? Which is unusual, it is rather soon. Your hair is intact and neither is your skin gray… I don't see any blood… You said before you've experienced memory loss already, correct?… Explain or I will strike true."

Eliza's eyes stare blankly into the bowl, not even thinking of taking another bite…

The bard spoke truthfully, unafraid of the warrior and her threatening demeanor.

Slowly her words bring her lower, making her feel more and more like a burden with each sentence she speaks. Her voice got sadder the more she spoke…

Eliza: "I haven't remembered who I am since I woke up on the ship… But… I feel like I've lived quite a lifetime though… Unfortunately, I also feel like I've been cursed with this pain for a long time too… Before the nautiloid…

She took in a shaky breath and held her breath as she contemplated telling them her truth…

They didn't take her seriously before…

But - maybe she could help them see if she explained it in more depth.

She finally released a nervous breath as she continued.

Eliza: "I… I'm cursed with a sickly desire to hurt people… It comes without warning and it's hard to ignore… It's evil, sick, and twisted… and It wants me to kill… Even people I care about… But… I don't want to… I never have... I feel like… I've only recently gotten the choice to stop it… That I finally get to be myself… However, when I ignore the desire, that's when it hurts the most… I don't want to hurt anyone but my urges try to force me to kill… It makes sure I suffer if I don't… I tried to subdue it when I killed those people today… to maybe find relief from the pain… It worked for a moment, I finally was free from it all… B-But then it tried to take over! I fought so hard to bring myself back… It almost took everything I had…"

With a shaky breath she tried to calm herself as tears threatened to leave her. Her words come in a sad mumble.

The tears flow going down her cheeks…

Eliza: "If it happens again… I might not be able to stop it… I don't know what I am… but maybe… I'm just a monster… Maybe it's best to strike me down before it's too late…"

The gith slowly calms down, giving the bard a look over. A look of fascination and confusion… with small traces of sympathy…

The warrior spoke clear and directly.

Lae'zel: "Many a good warrior savors the scent of blood in the air. There's no shame in capricious murder now and again. Too many, though, and you waste energy and dull your weapon. My suggestion: attack with purpose, and savor your skills. And if the urge proves too much, well, I'm sure we can find you a goblin or two to carve up…. But- if you turn your blade towards mine… I won't hesitate to strike down your little monster…

The giths words brought both comfort and despair… It was comforting that they didn't seem to fear her, but the bard felt it should be the opposite… Eliza couldn't guarantee that she could do any of those things. She couldn't control when she killed or how and that she wouldn't turn her blade on her allies. It didn't matter how desperately she didn't want to, maybe nothing could save her…

Her head hung low in her sorrow…

The warrior returns to her food. Still keeping a watchful eye on her as she continued to eat. The cleric rose to Eliza's defense as she walked over and took a seat beside her…

Making the bard turn her gaze to the cleric in shock.

Her voice was loud and sincere…

Shadowheart: "No one is striking anyone down! You're not a monster! You proved it. You try to fight whatever this thing is inside you, to do good! So, you can't be one!... I'm sorry - you have been going through this alone and we didn't notice… We are here for you now, and we see you… Well - most of us do…"

Sparing a glare for the gith only for a moment, she returns to her leader's gaze. The cleric looked determined and confident in her own words. She gave a small smile and had a hand on her shoulder, as an honest gesture.

With a wide smile that found its way on her face, Eliza desperately fought the urge to give her a hug. Out of fear of breaking the clerics personal space….

or breaking her from squeezing too tight….

So, she gave a nod and a smile full of her gratitude. Letting her tears remain on her face as she tried to convince herself to take another bite of her food. Despite her stomach lurching from all the sweet feelings her body felt when her companions spoke of her…

Then the wizard spoke up, his words held the same defense and respect.

Gale: "I couldn't agree more. You're the kindest "monster" I've ever met. One who can throw some ingredients together and make something delicious for others. One who has willingly put us above herself… and one who is heroic, caring, and sweet natured…"

His eyes stare into hers with a sweet look.

Now that Shadowheart pointed it out, she could definitely tell that he looked at her differently than the rest…

Maybe he does have a crush on her…

But that didn't make her feel anything…

Her heart didn't race and her mind was clear.

However, she did get overwhelmed by the sudden attack of words towards her…

Words she couldn't find on her own, because she believed they weren't true…

But they said them…

So, it made it much harder to ignore or pass it off as a lie out of courtesy…

She returns to her food trying to not cry all over the place from their kind words.

The conversation then begins between the cleric and the wizard when she remains silent…

With her as the topic.

Shadowheart: "You should see her fight. She can be scary too. But - now I see why…"

Gale: "I'm also excited to see that, but now with a little more thought than before. I'll be there to aid her now that I know how. If it's possible, of course. But - let's try to take our minds off of it for now. I think one of us would be more than grateful to change the subject entirely… I for one, am more interested in hearing a song-"

She looks up swiftly to see his eyes sparkling towards her.

She chokes back on her food and coughs in surprise…

She feels a pat from the cleric on her back as she tries to calm her breathing enough to speak.

Eliza: "Y-You do?"

The human responds with a bright smile as he stares over at her…

The cleric's eyes also stare in excitement.

Shadowheart: "Yes! I'd love to hear one."

Her heart swells with joy. She was thrilled by their sudden enthusiasm.

Eliza: "Well… What do you want to hear?"

Gale: "Anything! Let's hear whatever you want to play."

He pulls out her lyre and sets it next to her with a small smile.

The half-elf says with a suspicious tone towards the human and a raised eyebrow.

Shadowheart: "You were planning this, weren't you?"

Gale: "I will neither agree or deny to your claims."

They wait patiently for her to finish eating before she prepares herself.

With almost all smiles around except for one who remains only out of her own curiosity.

Once everyone had full bellies…

She thinks for a moment on what she could play…

A melody comes to her head along with some words, a small sad smile escapes her as she gives them a fair warning.

Eliza: "As it turns out - I'm feeling rather low. Hopefully none of you will mind my choice…"

Then a song fills her heart as they move to her fingers and begin to play a sweet melody…

---

Astarion's POV

(Some time ago)

He had no idea why…

But seeing her like that…

Caused an ache in his chest…

He never saw someone so afraid…

Over the possibility of him disliking that said person…

She was saddened by the thought of him…

hating her…?

Why would he hate her?

There's nothing to hate…

No… there has to be something…

She was possibly insane… but the most sane person he's met in a while…

She speaks her mind… A quality not many seem to have…

The faces she made should make him feel distaste… but he only ends up wanting to see more…

The worst of it all…

She was a downright do-gooder… Everything he loathed….

And yet, she can be maddeningly cute at times…

Every negative thing he thinks about, comes back with another positive…

Clumsy, but daring…

Weak, but strong…

Shy, but confident…

Caring…. But heartless…

Especially towards herself…

For some reason what she said next only brought back his pent up anger from before…

Why would she ever be better off dead!?!

All his frustration came out in a fell swoop of words…

Words he meant…

Even he was surprised by his own honesty…

He was so straightforward…

He said exactly what was on his mind…

It's been a while since he was that utterly cheesy… and meant it…

There was silence… she didn't say a word…

When he was lying there on his back he couldn't even admire the sky, the sound of just the night and her breathing was all that there was.

And it made him uncomfortable somehow… He didn't know what she thought or if she cared about what he said…

What if she didn't even think his opinion mattered…

What if she wasn't who she says she is….

His thoughts were driving him mad

He had to focus on something else.

He attempted to stargaze only to suddenly be enamored by her presence…

As she made her way to lay beside him…

But now he could finally see her…

He watched her every move…

Her purpose for her actions…

He could see them…

The smile she held…

Her desire to be close to him…

He could see glimpses of her spirit and her true desire…

It was written all over her face…

She wants to know more…

To say more…

But she fears that every word will be a mistake…

So she says nothing…

He found himself staring at her…

Admiring her features from this close under the moonlight…

When her eyes met his…

When her cheeks flushed red just by his gaze alone…

When she became an adorable pile of goo…

From the way she looked at him

He couldn't help it…

The words as they left him sounded ridiculously corny…

He grumbled to himself when she wasn't looking after he said them…

Because it made her leave…

He heard her heart race and he could see her inner fears at work…

He didn't know why…

But he enjoyed her presence…

Her company was a comfort to him unlike any other…

So, in a way, he was disappointed to see her go…

But something else seemed to plague her mind…

Her words went through his ears completely…

And he gave an appropriate response, with his usual demeanor he used to hide his true thoughts.

As he got lost in his head, he finally realized what was right in front of him this entire time…

Some of the missing pieces of the puzzle finally came to him…

In the dim light from the moon,

He could see her charm…

Her beauty…

Not just on the outside…

She kind of had a pureness to her…

Almost like a young carefree wild girl…

Seeing the world for what it can be, not for what is…

Full of joy and hope…

Aching to be free of all the cruel fates she had been dealt…

Longing for a hand to hold…

That she won't break with her own hands…

Everything good about her replaced with all the evil the world has to offer…

Forced inside her to become something she never wants to be…

She can't trust herself not to hurt anyone…

She won't say anything…

But she desperately wants to be trusted…

Not out of fear of being alone…

Not out of selfish interests…

Not for a show…

Nothing about it was fake…

She genuinely cares about him…

Cares about what he thinks…

Cares if he lives or dies…

She has a heart bigger than anyone he's ever seen…

This thing that held over her…

That desired to snuff out her light…

Began to be something he despised…

He hated it… that evil…

He hated seeing her like before more than anything…

The lifeless gaze in her eyes…

In her moments of joy - caused by him, just by his presence alone…

That's why it disappeared in an instant…

The wonder… gone…

The moment a violent thought came into her mind…

Her smile faded because of this evil that tried to take her hope away…

Now her behavior made sense!

She convinced herself she was a burden and that she needed to stay away…

She wants to get close but feels like she can't…

It's kind of adorable… and sad…

He began to wonder if she was cursed…

If there was more about her she had yet to discover…

Eliza is slowly regaining her memories…

She can eventually remember more of herself…

Reveal more to him…

Perhaps he can even find a way to help-

Wait…

Why would he go out of his way to help her?

What motivation was there for him to go so far?

Just so she wouldn't feel burdened?

No…

So that she will speak her mind with him more?

… Possibly…

There was more to it though…

What could it be?

Was it that he wanted her to close the distance between them?

Did he want there to be no hesitation from her?

If he fixed her problem… could they… be closer…

So he could seduce her, of course…

But she wouldn't…

She couldn't allow herself to get closer

He could imagine her crumbling just from his presence towering over hers…

Looking all red and cute-

No! Wait - Why was he thinking of such things?!

Only images of her nervous expression came to mind, almost forming a smile on his lips…

His head shook violently.

Her coloryful eyes as they furrow with worry…

Why couldn't he stop?!

Her cheeks as they turn into one of his favorite colors…

This was ridiculous!

Her lips as they frown… but suddenly smiles widely just from his presence alone…

How could this be so difficult?!

He could picture how she would practically melt into his arms if he gave her the touch she craves…

His hands grip the sides of his head and his voice shouts up to the stars.

Astarion: "Ugh! AHHHHHHHHH! STOP THINKING ABOUT THE DAMN BARD!"

He was thankful he was alone in the woods with his sudden spurt in frustration…

He has never thought this hard about another person to this extent…

Why were his emotions harder to control the more he was with her?

How can she do this to him?

This hold she has over him…

What did she do?

Why does she do this?

Even after she's long gone…

He can't get her out of his head… even now…

When he thinks about her he feels…

Panicked?… Clueless?... Scatterbrained?

Almost drained… but energetic at the same time.

What was the most unsettling…

…He doesn't think about her sexually…

… Then… Why did he want to seduce her? ...

He then thinks about his need to win over her full trust… She won't betray him if she falls victim to his charms…

Possibly even overlook his vampirism…

He couldn't help but wonder…

It's almost like she had own sort of charm…

Did she put him under a spell?

…. He can admit… She is beautiful…

But- what surprised him the most…

For once he wasn't thinking with his head…

or his dick…

About something…

About someone…

Then why think about her at all?!

What other purpose could she possibly have for him?

There had to be something there in order for him to think about her like this…

He never felt so close to someone in such a short time…

After a long time of knowing the same people, he was never bonded to anyone like this…

Not to this level…

Not so quickly…

Is it possible to connect with someone so fast…

To feel so in tune with someone…

After these little exchanges in a manner of days…

There weren't hours of conversation. Only moments to minutes of words, and yet they meant so much…

Even without words…

To look in her eyes and want nothing more but to drown in them…

How the colors in them make his breath still…

How her lips could form a smile that made words leave him entirely…

He wondered what she smelled like, he never paid attention before… He caught himself trying to reform the memory of her scent…

He then shook the thought away with a deep frustrated sigh…

He let the night prattle on with her on his mind for far too long now…

He has yet to see what made her so alluring…

How she ended up constantly on his mind…

He didn't really know how long he was out there for…

Putting all thoughts aside, his next thought was to return to camp…

…Before… she got worried…

He groaned angrily at his display of weakness.

Even if it was a fleeting moment, he still thought about it.

He mumbled to himself distastefully,

Astarion: "Oh great- reduced to thinking like a lap-dog?... Typical…"

He didn't bother rushing and took his sweet time to counter his own mind for betraying him. Knowing full and well that nobody should control his actions or thoughts like this. He was going to take his time.

He shouldn't care if she was worried or not…

His legs moved forward with little motivation as he made his way back to the familiar sight…

Till suddenly a tune fills the air…

Making him hault instantly to give a listen…

Then a sweet voice came soon after…

Sweeping in around him, the sound of the instrument and her voice fills the air.

He gaped in its direction as the words reached his ears…

???: "Seems like a part of me will have to lose… Every single time I have to choose…

Swore that it felt right, but was I wrong?…

Is this where I'm supposed to be at all?-"

After the first verse his feet were already swiftly heading towards its noise. Her voice got louder from his hasty approach.

His pace slows as he is met with the view of her through the trees…

Her hands on the lyre as she played her melody…

He stops to stare from where he was…

The wonderful sound of her voice fills the song as she continues.

Eliza: "I don't have the answers, not today…

It's like nothing makes the questions go away.

What I give to see… If the grass was greener. On the other side of all I've had and lost… Would it be enough, or would I still be wondering?..."

Her voice carries around the camp, each word he felt deep in his chest…

Eliza: "If I could go back and change the past

Be a little braver than I had…

And bet against the odds…

Would I still be lost?...

Even if I woke up in my dreams…

Would there still be something I'm missing…

If I had everything, would it mean anything…

To me…"

For a moment her lyre plays the tune alone…

Time seems slower from his perspective as his eyes stare in disbelief…

Her words somehow found a way to make his body feel every one…

His hand held tightly to his shirt over his chest…

The painful memories that were long forgotten resurfacing…

Of words he screamed in his head time and time before…

In those times he begged the gods for mercy from his fate…

But they never answered…

If he would have been braver, or done things differently…

If he had it all, everything he ever wanted…

Would it be enough?

If he would have taken matters into his own hands, would he be lost too?…

No… He would have been long dead…

He was useless…

He unfortunately needed help from someone in order to save him from his evil.

He had to have someone to share his glory, if he was to defeat his monsters and take it all…

He couldn't do it alone…

But who would help him…

They wouldn't…

Not unless…. they loved him…

People will do anything for the ones they love…

He wasn't very lovable…

At least that's what he was told.

He forgot what it felt like…

If he ever did feel it…

He couldn't remember if he ever felt it from his real family…

Now it felt like how he did long ago…

When he believed in an emotion being his savior…

A hope for someone to not pray pity on him…

But help him to his feet and stand beside him…

And fight his demons without fear…

Someone else he could trust, and trusted him in return…

They wouldn't let him down… never again…

But after so long…

Of never witnessing it…

Never understanding it…

Never feeling it…

Because… he never had it…

No one ever cared for him…

No one ever came for him…

He crawled out of the ground… alone…

He was found only by the monster that held him still…

Eventually, the idea would die along with his hope…

He left out all the foolish ideas of love…

He let it remain a fantasy…

Enough to forget the need for the emotion entirely…

Love was a fairytale…

Left for the hopeless romantics and children's novels…

And yet the idea doesn't seem entirely foolish at the moment…

Especially when it could be useful in the end…

Perhaps even with her…

It wouldn't be so bad, they get along pretty well…

He could imagine that she'd be glad to help if she felt that way about him…

If she did feel that way about him…

Would he be free?…

Would he be happy?…

Or would he be left…. forever wondering…?

Would he ever know what her love would feel like?

…

What?

Why did he care about this?

Why was he thinking like this anyway?

He shook his mind from the thought.

Back in reality, time moved forward. His eyes stared at her with a look of fascination.

As her song continued to fill the night, he propped himself on the tree next to him…

Listening as the words fill him…

Mind, body, and soul…

Eliza: "Feels like I might just break the best thing that I have. I'll say too much to ever take it back… Scared I'll never find something as good… Would I even know it if I could?

From the other side of all I've had and lost…

Would it be enough, or would I still be wondering?"

His eyes were glued to her, she embraced every word and meant it as they echoed through the night. He wondered who It could have been that she meant…

The group stare in their own surprise.

The half-elf and the human both look enamored and saddened by it.

The gith stunned the most, as her first time witnessing the bard's way with words…

and how her voice used them…

Her siren voice continues to fill the night loudly. Her words bring more power and sting than before.

Eliza: "If I could go back and change the past.

Be a little braver than I had…

Bet against the odds…

Would I still be lost…

Even if I woke up in my dreams…

Would there still be something I'm missing…

If I had everything… Would it mean anything?"

She used her voice to fill in the air with her song. He closes his eyes and listens to the vibrations as they overpowered everything else… Hearing all the notes that hit Impressively high as she gets lost in the song.

Eliza: "Maybe I should turn around and take the other road. Or maybe I'm just looking for what I already know!

I'm just wondering…"

His memory faded back to those moments alone in his cell…

When he felt helpless…

He didn't feel that way anymore, he felt alive and free…

Did he need more?

No… But he wanted it…

He wanted everything he never got to have when he was someone else's property.

Now he can make his own decisions, his possessions could be his own…

It was almost like a breath of fresh air…

With a sigh, her last words swell within him, his mind drifting on, left to wonder…

His eyes open once more as she finishes the song in the most graceful way… The power in it… Somehow making him feel way more vulnerable than before…

Eliza: "If I could go back and change the past. Be a little braver than I had…

Bet against the odds…

Would I still be lost?!

Even if I woke up in my dreams!

Would there still be something I'm missing!

If I had everything… would it mean anything…

To me…

Would it be enough…"

For a moment her eyes looked up and met with his… Her last words stirred up something unusual in his chest.

Eliza: "Or would I still be wondering?"

Her hands stopped and her voice remained silent… The song was over…

Her gaze then turns away sharply, trying to hide the pink on her cheeks…

The act made him smile to himself…

The people around her remain silent…

Still shocked over the performance…

Until the wizard got to his feet, cheered with a whistle, and gave her a warm smile with his applause. The cleric pretends she wasn't phased as she wipes tears from her eyes and tries to give a small clap with her appreciation. The warrior gave a light applaud of her own.

The elf remains completely taken aback by the performance entirely…

He actually took the time to listen to the music in front of him…

Completely captured by her voice and her way with words. She sang songs unlike any he's ever heard before…

This woman found a way to make his life even more complicated…

Feeling more emotional than he has felt in a century…

Emotions he tried to keep hidden…

Too painful to remember…

So easily forgotten after endless years of torture…

He had to wipe his face once he realized he had tears of his own…

Tears he didn't even know he had left for his old self…

Tears that he wasted in that damned place…

They weren't pitiful tears but he still felt ashamed to show them to anyone. He did his best not to be noticed as he made his way back to his tent…

The thoughts he had before resurfacing…

Now he was free…

He didn't feel terrible at all when she was around…

She reminded him of his past, of the times he'd forgotten…

But… not in a negative way, though…

She helps him remember the times he truly lived…

Before he was a vampire…

The life he led when he felt… well…

Alive…

The times he held hope…

The times he believed that anything was possible…

Taken away from centuries of torture and pain…

Moments he thought he could never get back…

From all the horrible memories after…

He could compare them to now…

And he couldn't believe how much better it was…

She gave him spirit…

He never thought he'd be happy to have it…

even for a moment…

He was actually grateful to face his terrible memories… Because now he knows how good he has it…

There were so many times she helped him without even meaning to…

In its own way, it gave him peace…

A long time of living to hate…

and hating to live…

Now he doesn't feel it at all…

He wanted to see tomorrow…

He no longer dreaded another day…

He was filled with curiosity…

As he held hope for what tomorrow could bring…

Thanks to her…

Just from a song…

A pretty good song…

Even if it was about regrets of the past…

If choices could have been different…

Would he still have this?

Have her…?

…

She was… something else entirely…

And he has yet to figure out what she was doing to him exactly to be acting this way…

He hoped he could find out sooner or later…

Eliza's POV

She knew eyes were on her since she was performing a song… but there were eyes that came from the trees…

Once she met with his ruby eyes, her heart swelled and her stomach fluttered in a nice way…

She wondered if this feeling she felt involved him… She didn't feel it with anyone else…

She wondered if her choices would have been different… if she wasn't the host of a murdering psychopath…

Could she be capable of being with someone…?

With him.. ?

Like how she imagined…

Would it be possible?…

Would there be more than a crush?

More than like?

Maybe… Love… ?

Could she fall in love?

Was she allowed to love?…

Would someone love her?….

Would… He… love her?

Flaws and all… her evil side too?

Why of all people… did she feel it with only him?

Why was he affecting her differently than everyone else?

Why him?

Everyone here doesn't seem too trusting of him…

But she trusted him most of all… and couldn't explain why…

Voices bring her back to reality as they express themselves excitedly.

Gale: "That was incredible! I could feel the power in your music. It was like magic! Every word sung was from your soul, and it sounded so lovely! I've never heard songs like yours. You made something sad - into something beautiful… but still sad…"

Shadowheart: "You are still full of surprises, but I should have guessed it… Of course the most caring person I have ever met would have moments of regret too… It should have been obvious from the start, honestly… You always have this sadness looming over you, I can see how it can be suffocating at times… It's easy to feel out of place and it's hard to know whether your choice is the right one or not…"

Lae'zel: "I'm not a fan of the song myself… It comes with complications. With words I understand, but don't quite understand. I normally don't feel regret from my actions. However, your voice is effectively captivating… It would be very forthcoming in a battle. Do you know any good fighting songs?"

Eliza couldn't focus as the gaze from the trees still lingered as he moved back to his tent… He didn't seem very social tonight… or hungry… She then prepared a bowl to set the side, almost forgetting about the conversation entirely.

Soon she brought herself back to them once she finished. Before they could question her silence, she gave her answer.

Eliza: "Not by heart… It's hard to explain the songs in my head… I suddenly know the tune or the words based on how I feel… Somehow… I don't feel like they are mine to claim… They are just songs that come to me when I need them the most…"

They looked at her with curiosity, not seeming to understand fully what she was talking about… The wizard seemed all too pleased to speak his mind.

Gale

: "Well, I, for one, am grateful for the performance. Whether they are just abstract thought or just a clever way of expressing words in a musical tune. All of it was a pleasure."

---

Astarion's POV

He tried not to think too much…

Especially about… her…

His brain was beginning to hurt from all the productivity it went through today…

Mostly about one particular topic…

From where he rested on a pile of pillows in front of his tent, he tried to read once again…Trying to ignore the human that enjoyed the sound of his own voice as he sucked up to the bard…

For once, he fought harder to finish a page rather than to look up at them…

Their voices drowned into silence as he got lost in the pages…

Once he got through a few, sooner or later they all went to their designated tents.

Except for one…

Who stayed silently by the campfire.

Every once in a while he found himself staring in her direction, watching as she fiddled with something in her hands…

A book of her own with a quill and ink by her side…

He noticed when she grabbed those items earlier today. He wondered what their purpose could be at the time.

Now, he was curious to know what she did in her spare time with that little book.

If she was writing, her handwriting looked illegible from all her frantic movements across the page…

She also had a bowl of food waiting close to her, but she didn't touch it.

He corrected himself when he stared too long.

His deep fascination in her was still obviously an issue…

He didn't want her to think he was being a creep…

When he genuinely was just interested in what she could be doing over there, for an unknown reason.

But not any reason she would probably think…

Although… Even from afar…

She still was a vision…

He shook the thought as his eyes glared at the pages in front of him…

Every once and a while, he felt a pair of eyes on him…

He remained still when he realized they were from her very direction.

Letting her believe that he didn't notice.

For some reason… he kind of liked it…

He wondered what she was thinking when she stared at him…

Then her attention moves elsewhere, drawn away by a distinct sound…

He heard it too, coming from the wizards tent…

His worst nightmare came true when he looked up…

There wasn't just one annoying human…

There were two…

The wizard somehow learned to multiply…

Wasn't one of him enough?…

They were all better off with none…

Then he noticed how the two of them were in sync, like a mirror or a reflection…

Could…

Could that spell work on him?!...

Astarion: Who needs a mirror when you can cast an exact image of yourself?!

It was perfect!

Could he finally see his face again after decades of forgetting what he looked like?…

Perhaps… if he was lucky…

He couldn't enjoy the thought for long, soon his interest was back to the conversation between the wizard and the bard…

As she waltzed over to greet him with a smile…

Seeming unfazed by the encounter at all, this time they talked loud enough for all to hear if they listened carefully…

And he wasn't going to mistake any words this time…

Not a single one will miss his ears.

After the incident before…

He couldn't stand by if things actually got dirty between them…

He even felt it necessary to intervene if anything did happen…

…If… necessary…?

This was odd… especially for him…

He should let whatever happens… happen…

He could sit back and watch a show…

But he didn't like the idea…

Why should he care?

Why would he feel the need to stop anything between them?

It's not like she wanted to… with him…

Did she?!

She couldn't possibly find happiness in that…

Buffoon!

…

Could she?!

Their conversation pulled him out from his sudden panic he experienced… as their topic began to peak his interest….

At least, it didn't piss him off… yet…

---

Eliza's POV

Eliza wanted to take the food over to his tent, but she then remembered something that should have been obvious from the start.

He doesn't eat solid food...

She knew his preference and yet…

She completely forgot.

Her mind must have been racing, from something far more lovely than other things…

Of someone that made her strong when she felt weak.

Something about it that made her smile when she was drawing the irises of his eyes.

It made her giggle when she got his nose wrong…

That made her heart swell when she got his hair just right with a flick of her wrist…

Something about a small picture of her own made her happy…

She could stare for hours and never have to look away…

Something about this picture that made her so full of joy…. and yet so afraid…

It's something about him that made her face her fears, yet caused more to appear…

Like the fear of breaking his trust…

The fear of crushing his hand if he wanted to hold it…

The constant fear of never knowing what it was like to be held by him… If or when he wanted to hold her…

A fear of no more time to talk, no more conversations, or spending hours together…

fighting side by side…

The fear of never knowing what a life with him would be like if she lost one day… to herself…

And most of all…

Fear of losing him…

From not being smart enough, not being brave enough…

Not being strong enough…

From the beasts and evil things that want to kill them…

Kill him…

But not just the creatures from this world…

It's the monster within her…

That she feared most of all…

She looked up at him for a moment, his eyes were glaring at his book.

She wondered what he was thinking so hard about…

Was it as complex as her thoughts…

It could just be the book…

Was it a good book?

He looked highly invested in whatever had his attention…

She compared him to her drawing of his portrait by memory that she drew…

Satisfied by the accuracy and began finishing the final touches…

She decided now was a good moment to capture Astarion the grump.

She would look between his glare and back to paper as she started a new page with his grumpy look holding a book.

He had her full attention for a small while. She began to capture a new look on his face beside the last one she finished.

This time it held a small trace of a grin…

Wondering what made him hold that look…

She couldn't get him off her mind until a sound distracted her from her thoughts. Looking up from her book to witness with a poof and a flash, a mirror image of the wizard made two exact visions of him. So, she decided they needed to chat.

She met with the wizard at his tent. His humming sounded a lot like the song she sang before…

He stares at the vision in front of him. Giving himself a look over from both sides of his face while he hummed the tune. The version of himself copied his exact movements as he tried to view every detail.

Then he turns back to look at her, with two voices telling her in unison.

Gale: "Be with you in a moment."

Eliza gives him a smile with her response.

Eliza: "How is it going? See anything unusual?"

He turns to look back at his reflection as he speaks, both versions entirely in sink as he gives himself a look over with more thought.

Gale: "Indulging in some vanity. Handsome devil, aren't I?"

He says with a devilish smile at himself

She gave an awkward smile in return, she wasn't sure how to answer…

But then his smile fades as he responds to her second question.

Gale: "And… Not at all, which is unusual…"

With a wave of his hand the light from his fingers dance in the darkness as the image of him disappears in a flash. Immediately beginning with his query.

Gale: "Be that as it may. Something that you told me before has been on my mind….

Ceremorphosis. What does it make you think of?"

Knowing that it meant the end of her existence in this body as she painfully transforms into a hideous monster…

That could turn on all of her friends without hesitation… and kill them…

The thought made her sad…

She gave her response without much thought.

Eliza: "Death… All of who I am, gone in an instant. All that's left will become a threat to you all… And yet - I don't fear it will happen. I fear myself more than this worm in my head. It remains calm and unchanging."

Gale: "Couldn't be further from the truth - spot on. Day one: fever and memory loss. Day two: hallucinations and graying skin. Day three: hair loss and blood leaking from all orifices. Need I go on?"

She nods in response, staring wide eyed as he continues his description.

Gale: "Day four: excruciating pain as the skeleton and organs reform and reposition. Day five: the host's personality has disappeared. Fingers, toes, and limbs elongate. I take it you get the picture?"

The physical changes didn't nearly frighten her as badly as the thought of losing all of herself… All of who she is, all that she could be, and all the good she has yet to do…

Gone… in the manner of days or in seconds…

She would be no more…

Eliza refused!

She will never allow these worms to take over!

She wanted to see so many things!

She wanted to make wonderful memories with her friends!

She wanted to help them, set them free from their shackles!

She wanted to sing more songs for them!

She had so much she wanted to live for!

…

People she had to live for…

Perhaps… Someone…

Someone she thought of more than the rest…

That made her heart race in her chest…

That she had to stay alive for…

Nothing else mattered more…

She returns to the conversation, her voice both determined and clear.

Eliza: "I do, but please - finish if you wish. I'm familiar with the full picture, but I'm willing to be enlightened."

With a nod he continues to express his description with his hands.

Gale: "Day six: the flesh around the mouth splits to make way for tentacles. Day seven: a mind flayer is born."

Eliza: "We should be having a fever or graying skin by now. But, there is nothing."

Gale: "Spot on again. Our orifices remain blissfully unbloodied. Our heads remain clear, and our blood temperature is normal… Any expert will agree: this is… abnormal… But… it's just like you mentioned before…You said there is nothing to worry about. When you told me to look into your mind… I could feel it. You knew we wouldn't change… That alone has stumped me the most… You were so sure and confident… How did you know that ours were different?"

She didn't really have an answer…

She just knew…

But she gave him an answer as honest as she could…

Eliza: "I don't know how, but I felt it… It was something I understood the moment I woke up. So, I can't explain why."

He stares at her a little unsatisfied by her answer, but understands that she didn't know any more than that.

Gale: "Ahh- that's a shame. I was hoping to pick at your brain… Not like your other visitor though. A little more friendly and consensual than their tactics. But - if you don't know anymore than that, then I'm only left to speculate. You truly are a mystery… I hope to figure you out eventually. There's something different about you… Your energy is different from any other I've come across. I haven't figured out why…"

He gave a thoughtful stare in her direction. The way his eyes lingered on her made her feel obligated to say something to fill the silence between them.

She spoke from her mind and her heart, being as honest as she could be. Even though the more she spoke, the more it sounded crazy…

Eliza: "How I truly feel probably doesn't make any sense… Even magic seems like an entirely different concept to me. Everything about this place is familiar… and yet… I feel like I shouldn't be here at all… That I don't belong… I feel like a stranger in a whole different world."

He gave her a puzzling look as he took in her appearance for a moment. Once he spoke, his words seemed confident in his opinion.

Gale: "You do belong here… You might just be a tiefling in other people's eyes, but you have every right to be here. Same as us. From just the one day we had in the hells, I wouldn't wish a life like that for anyone to endure. I can understand how it feels so different here… But I can't even begin to imagine what it must have been like for you… In my opinion, no matter where you were born or what you look like… You belong anywhere you want to be, as long as you're happy. And - I highly doubt anyone would be happy in hell…"

She was grateful for his kind words…

But, she couldn't wrap her head around the thoughts that came to mind…

His response wasn't one she expected or understood entirely…

Eliza wasn't quite certain how or why…

But she didn't know that she was a tiefling…

She knew little about them. All she knew was that they lived in the hells, and had horns and tails…

She then remembered the night before, how she had extra extensions on her head. Only now taking a moment to feel them. She had four horns as they extended high above her head. Now that she noticed them, they carried a certain weight that she didn't feel before. With so much going on she didn't have the time to think about feeling them there. She just now noticed that she had them…

She then swiftly turned her head around as she felt the tip of an extra appendage twitch in her excitement. She looked back to see a light pink tail of her own and it moved with every thought. It was an interesting experience, like an extra arm. It went up to meet her when she wanted a loser look. She could feel her own hands touching its skin.

It was definitely a tail… and it was hers!

She had a tail and didn't notice until now?!

She felt like an idiot…

How could she not realize she had a tail?!…

When she did feel it, she thought she was imagining things…

But… How did she not know she had horns or a tail?

Why did it feel abnormal to have them?

Even her hands had long sharp nails…

From hands she couldn't recognize…

She somehow felt they were supposed to have scars across her palms and wrists…

But there were none to be seen…

How could her own body feel unusual to her?

Did she even look like how she imagined?

Who did she imagine?

… Who was she?...

Would she remember her own face if she saw it?

The wizard breaks her from the thoughts that saddened her.

Gale: "Hey… Is everything alright? You look a little green around the gills… Did I make you remember something?"

She looked up at him, only giving him a forced smile… Her grip tightening on her tail…

She had enough of telling the truth for one night… It depressed her even more to repeat her own realizations.

How could he understand anyway?

It doesn't make sense…

So with an empty excuse, she put this conversation to a close for the night.

But it wasn't far from the truth… or a lie…

Eliza: "I'm fine… I don't remember anything important... It's just something I can figure out later. Right now, I'm just glad my instincts haven't steered me wrong yet. I'm thankful for the abnormal."

Gale: "I'll toast to that. The pragmatic in me, however, sees only the silence before the storm. Something to sleep on. We should get some rest."

Eliza: "Of course, sleep well, you'll need your strength for tomorrow."

With a small smile and a wave from the wizard, she returns an awkward smile as she makes her way back to the fire. Her hands are still gripping tightly on her tail.

Her heart and mind flooded with thoughts she never took time to think before.

Why does she feel like she doesn't belong?

How could her own body feel like it belonged to someone else?

What could make her think that magic shouldn't be possible?

When everyone looks at it like it's normal…

She felt like she was living a lie…

Whoever she was…

Wherever she ended up…

Everyone she has met…

All of it is familiar and yet…

It all felt like it should be a dream…

Like she shouldn't be here…

Like she shouldn't be… herself?

She was the only one among them that felt so out of place…

But she never felt more at home in her entire life…

How can that make sense?!

What was wrong with her?!

Was she insane?!

She felt like an imposter…

Was that normal…

Should she be alive?

Did she live in the hells or did she even have a life before this?

Were any pieces she did remember the truth?

She just wanted to know who she was…

Who she could be?…

Was she real?…

Was she meant to exist in this world?

What was her purpose?

…why does she feel so lost?...

Suddenly someone stands in her path, their hand resting on her shoulder. Eliza's eyes locked into their gaze…

She heard them talking but hardly anything they said registered to her.

She didn't know how to listen when her mind raced with these questions and thoughts left unanswered…

Then her eyes and mind got ripped away as she heard a voice that somehow made her forget everything else… It was just him and his stare…

The rest of the world falls away as his words fill her ears.

But someone else had her attention first.

Astarion's POV

(Moments before)

Their conversation was interesting indeed, she was confident when she spoke. She wasn't frightened by the horrifying description of the excruciating pain they should be experiencing by now. Her eyes grew wide for only a moment, then she was suddenlyndetermined… She even looked less worried than before…

Then she said something unusual…

She meant it when she said she felt she didn't belong

Like a "stranger"

Before he could think much about it, her entire demeanor changed…

Seizing his attention once more.

Once the human mentioned her heritage, her face held confusion and disbelief.

She then proceeded to examine her own body, touching every edge of her horns to feel them. She looked at her own tail with shock on her face. She held it like it shouldn't even be there…

She looked at her hands like they didn't belong to her…

Before the wizard could suspect her odd behavior, she gave him a smile…

Her smile was wide… but for once…

it wasn't real…

He could tell, it wasn't like the smiles she gave to him…

She gave a fake smile and avoided the topic entirely. He could see the frustration in her eyes. The anxiety reached to her hands as her grip dug into her own skin. When she walked away, it didn't stop. Her own mind became a prison, she was lost within it.

Whatever she thought about… brought her internal suffering…

It was riddled all over her face… Soon the smell of her sweet blood came to his nose. She dug her nails deep within the skin of her tail. She didn't even notice her own self destruction…

Before his hunger could possess him, he tried to put an end to it as she rushed past his tent. He couldn't catch her from her pace as she walked swiftly past him. She got a few feet away until another member of their camp stepped in front of her. Her eyes turned their gaze to the cleric in front of her. The grip on her tail loosened only for a moment as her demeanor became nervous under her gaze.

Shadowheart: "Hey… Are you doing okay? You look a little stressed…I couldn't help but overhear… Well, all right, I could have helped, but didn't…"

For some reason, Eliza only got more nervous from her presence. He could hear her heart racing…

Her hands were gripping tighter…

He didn't even realize how far he was from his tent until now… but that didn't matter…

Her blood began to dip to the ground…

He was quick to react as he stepped closer.

Briefly the bard's eyes caught onto his stare, realizing how close he was…

As her breathing cooled, her face grew calm…

He enjoyed the effect he had on her…

He could tell his voice brought her back to reality.

Astarion: "Hello, darling… You got a tight grip going there… You should be kinder to yourself…"

He placed his hand on hers and her grip released under his touch. Her cheeks reddened and her heart began to race faster in her chest. Her eyes looked at him differently than she ever did before.

Her smile was small… but sincere…

For once he ignored the smell of her blood, and took in her natural scent.

She smelled… like nature… earthy…

Like the sky before it begins to rain…

or the freshness of a meadow of flowers…

Blissful moments that are natural and wonderful to witness just by scent alone.

And she smelled like them all…

Sweet and gentle caresses to the senses every time she was near.

Her smell…

Her sight…

Her voice…

Even when it sounded sad or nervous, her voice could bring him calming feelings.

Eliza: "Y-You're right… I'm sorry… I haven't been taking good care of myself lately… but, the truth is…"

She stared at her own tail that laid still in her hands as it bled… Her next words held more honesty than she showed to the wizard…

Eliza: "I-I don't even know myself… Everything about me feels like a dream… It sounds crazy - I know… But I feel like a stranger in my own skin… Like I shouldn't even be here… Like I'm not even real…"

He looks at her with a different perspective than before…

No wonder she looked so distressed…

He began to recognize that look, now that he could see it…

She was distraught because she didn't know what she looked like…

She didn't even recognize her own body…

She couldn't remember her own face…

Another thing they had in common…

But not entirely the same…

Her memory loss was so deep that she didn't know her identity…

Her heritage…

Her home…

Her family…

No wonder she felt so lost…

His hand remained resting on top of hers…

His next words came without a thought, they were everything he felt she needed to hear.

All his words took her negative feelings away in just a few sentences…

Enjoying the way her eyes looked into his…

---

Eliza's POV

His touch was kinder than ever before, it made her chest heavy and left her head spinning. His stare was different, his eyes were tender when they looked into hers. His voice was soft and sincere, he meant every word… and every word made her feel a little less lost…

Astarion: "You are real… You're standing here and breathing, aren't you? Can't you feel my presence… my touch… I'm here with you, talking with you. If you weren't real, you wouldn't be here… with me… "

He was right…

She was here… alive and breathing…

She can make a footprint that will last…

Her existence is what she chooses.

She knew what she wanted to choose…

She wanted to live… and be here…

with them…

With him…

Her world was brighter and clearer when he came around…

Eliza hoped her choices were good for everyone…

Even if she doesn't remember her past

Even if she doesn't belong in this body…

She was alive now…

She was alive here…

There had to be a reason for it…

So she might as well live, and live to the fullest…

She didn't know which day would become her last…

There were too many signs that proved she was real…

She could feel his tender caress as he held her hands in his. She could hear his breath and smell his musk… She could see his wonderful face when he looked at her like he does…

She felt all the warmth within her just from a small smile of his own as hers began to form on her face.

Until someone made their presence known after being ignored the entire time.

Shadowheart: "Ah-hem… I'm still here… And we weren't finished talking…"

Soon his kind touch and smile leaves in an instant. Her tail leaves her hands and back where it rests above the ground. He cleared his throat as his hand moved swiftly away, along with his gaze as he stared off awkwardly. After a moment, his eyes darted back to her as he looked her over. A smile returned to his face and he reverted back to his usual charming self.

Astarion: "Of course, we can chat later - right, Eliza?"

The way her name sounded as they came from his lips made her insides swell with joy…

A smile returned to her face once more as she gave him a small nod. His response came with a bigger smile and a bow. The elf gives a wink to her and her heart throbs, making her look away.

Her eyes returned to meet with his back as she watched him walk back to his tent.

The cleric brought the attention back to her, with her slightly stern voice and a shake of the bard's shoulder.

Shadowheart: "Hello? Am I still not here? I swear - you two act so strangely with each other… I was completely forgotten for a moment, like I was a ghost..."

Eliza returns back to the half-elf in front of her. The bard felt her face get hot from her sudden claims…

The cleric wasn't that far from the truth; Eliza did completely forget about her…

Eliza: "I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"

The cleric raised an eyebrow as she stared with her rising suspicion… but continued from where her conversation left off instead.

Shadowheart: "Anyway, back to before, a lot has been on my mind too. I figured you would know what I'm talking about… I feel the same, normal I mean… Other than the occasional mental exchange, it's almost as if we're not infected. The voice on the ship told me I'd become a 'beautiful weapon'. What do you think it meant?"

She didn't have to think twice, she knew what they meant…

Eliza: "Sounds like they had plans for us. The kind where they didn't care whether we lived or died… We were bodies for their army…"

The cleric's eyes widen in realization.

Shadowheart: "Whatever they were, those plans were interrupted by the dragons. Either way, we can't take the lack of symptoms for granted. We have to find a healer. Well, I've said my piece. You should get some rest."

Eliza smiles and gives her a swift nod.

Her body was eager to move closer to his tent…

---

Shadowheart's POV

(Moments before)

There was something strange going on…

Their leader acted stranger than usual. She seemed on edge. However, it only got worse when Shadowheart approached.

When he made his presence known.

The bard's eyes practically never stopped looking at the pale elf.

He acted strange too, his charming self seems to act differently around her.

They stare a lot… Smile a lot…

They kept acting sweet towards each other…

It was disturbingly… cute….

Do they like each other?

Maybe… even more than like?

Either way… she thought it was a bad idea…

But even still…

Before she could talk once more with her leader, she could see the distress on the bard's face…

Her nervous expression and her inner fears…

Before Shadowheart could even intervene…

The rogue went out of his way to make sure she didn't harm herself further…

Shadowheart didn't even notice the blood until after he reached for her.

She didn't know how to respond to her leader, even though Shadowheart knew what that felt like…

More than anyone here…

She knew how it felt to not have anything to latch onto…

Shadowheart had her faith to guide her…

But she couldn't just blindly throw her religion at Eliza…

Not a lot of people like the goddess she worshiped.

Eliza had enough going on already…

She might be kind… and seems completely trustworthy…

She can be frustrating and difficult to understand…

But- she was their chosen leader…

And their leader might not be comfortable with a Shar worshiper in her camp…

However, Eliza has traits of loyalty…

and makes her feel safe…

When not many people could do that…

There was a chance Eliza might accept her…

But, the bard isn't ready for the truth… yet…

So, Shadowheart couldn't say a thing.

However, she felt that no one could have helped her like he did…

He helped her, and only he knew how to…

She didn't look stressed anymore…

In fact, she looked calm and peaceful…

They both did…

Making goofy faces at each other with their little smiles…

Ugh…

Perhaps… this shady rogue isn't so bad…

His behavior when they first met him was harsh, violent, and manipulative…

The way he acted now was more calm, patient, and understanding…

It was like he was a completely different person…

But he tried to hide it at all costs…

He snaps out of it in a flash…

She was changing him… slowly…

She could see his confusion in his own actions…

It was useless though, if anyone could change him…

She could…

Eliza was different…

She had a way with people unlike anyone she has ever met…

She was honest and straightforward…

She didn't judge anyone…

Not by their race, strength, money, or power…

She cared more for others than herself…

Eliza has done so many kind things since the first day they met…

She showed unconditional courage…

She was… Bold…

Fearless…

…She only feared herself…

She was always ready to help or defend those she trusts…

Unfortunately, she was afraid to let herself be trusted…

To let anyone close…

Just like herself….

But… The elf was easing away her fears…

Helping her to open up…

Calming her doubts…

Shadowheart was going to let them be… for now…

If she had to intervene, she would…

But otherwise, she was curious to know who would confess first….

The half-elf could see her eyes lingering over to his tent. The bards eagerness to depart was readable on her face…

The cleric's voice pulled the bard's attention back for the last time… Trying to give her own comforts as her small gesture of gratitude.

Shadowheart: "He isn't wrong, you know… About you… They both aren't… You are real and you do belong here… I'm not afraid of you, I feel safe with you… So, don't worry so much. You have watched our backs since the moment we met. Let us watch yours for a little while…"

Shadowheart placed her hands over the tail that remained bleeding in her leader's grasp…

Speaking the ancient tongue of a spell to cure her wounds. With a glow of the magic swirling around from her hand, it flows into Eliza's tail..

Healing the wounds completely.

Eliza looked back up with her eyes wide, filled with tears as her smile shines brightly. Before Shadowheart knew it she was being squeezed by a pair of arms. Shaky words leave the bard on the cleric's shoulder.

Eliza: "T-Thank you, Shadowheart… I'm so happy to hear you say that… I-I couldn't be more grateful to you… Honestly, I don't know what I'd do without any of you… You mean so much to me…"

Shadowheart felt her heart flutter from the words she heard. She could feel the smile form on her face, giving only a brief moment to return the hug…

She enjoyed how the tiefling's words made her feel… She knew Eliza meant every one…

She liked how nice it felt to be held by her…

Only for her face to redden from the embarrassment she felt from the thought…

Eliza pulled away before she could. Her face looked nervous and scared…

Scared of herself…

She was quick to speak but hesitated every few moments as if to think on whether to continue. Each time she didn't give time for Shadowheart to speak. She only continued with what she had to say and ended the conversation.

Eliza: "I appreciate you for watching over the camp. You can sleep in as much as you like in the morning, we will try not to make too much noise… Also… Don't be alarmed if someone comes to camp tomorrow with a bunch of stuff... They will carry a rapier. So, try to observe first before you attack them, please… Have a good night. Sweet dreams, Shadowheart."

She had so many questions but Eliza pulled away before she could even speak. To make sure to leave with the last word, leaving the cleric confused and curious. The bard gave her a warm smile and as she walked away without another word between them...

Her direction was straight for the elf's tent…

as expected…

Hopefully, Shadowheart isn't going to have to kill that rogue for corrupting their leader…

She remains silent as her mind swirled with all her questions unanswered. Walking back to her tent in a daze.

---

Eliza's POV

She could tell Shadowheart had many questions the more she spoke. She didn't know how she knew but there was someone else who seemed familiar in her mind… She hasn't met them yet, but she already knows that tomorrow they will meet. And she will send him to camp…

She was worried about their encounter if the cleric wasn't already informed. Otherwise she might attack the stranger and ask questions later…

Before Shadowheart could try to ask anything, she didn't give her time to speak. Then give them distance before more complications arise…

Eliza walks over to greet him as he reads to himself. His gaze looked up from his book to meet hers, and his eyes wandered all over her curiously. His forming smile looked intrigued as he spoke to her. He talked like they never had the time apart.

Astarion: "I saw you getting a lecture from our magical friend earlier… I have to say, I thought you'd look worse, but no. Not a tentacle to be seen…"

She was honestly thrilled that nothing was bothering them, that her suspicion was correct.

They were going to be alright… for now…

Eliza: "That's what everyone keeps saying. But I wasn't worried, I could tell we would be fine."

Astarion: "Indeed you could… I couldn't help but be curious as to how you knew… We are all doing surprisingly well, given the circumstances. You were right for now, but how long will that last us… I'm not taking anything for granted, of course. First sign of change and I'll have to stop that pretty little heart of yours…"

Even though his face held a confident smile as he pointed at her chest. His eyes held hesitation from his own words, but he continued regardless.

Astarion: "I am open to suggestions. Knives, poison, strangulation - whatever you'd prefer."

She took a moment to ponder on her response. She knew that either way he would do it if she asked him to end her life.

Not just from the worm in her head…

She would hope he would stick to his word…

But she never thought about how…

Strangulation sounded dragged out. She wanted to breathe her last breaths and smell the fresh air before she left the world.

She didn't want to miss out on one of the best things about living… and be stuck fighting for air in her final moments…

The thought of a knife gave her chills down her spine. Instinctively she reached for her stomach in response.

A knife was a no-go… for sure…

Poison almost seemed peaceful, like being lulled to sleep…

However, she still felt uncertain. So, instead she asked for his opinion.

Eliza: "I'm actually not sure how I want to die… What about you? Do you have a preference?"

He didn't hesitate In his response. His answer was full of seriousness. A genuine thrill for the subject was readable on his face.

Astarion: "I don't think poison is for me. Nor stabbing, come to think of it. I've always felt decapitation was a fine choice. One good swing and then - nothing…"

With a light chuckle his eyes came back to give her his full attention as he continued.

Astarion: "But we were talking about you. What will it be?"

His eyebrows furrow as his stare bore into her with a curious look. Excitement slowly rising on his face in waiting for her response…

Decapitation wasn't horrible… She did like the idea of one strike and done…

She couldn't help but wonder…

Would she have a few seconds of life to feel her own head hit the ground?

It would be messy…

She couldn't be close to anyone before she died…

Her thoughts talked her out of it…

She thought the best option would at least give her time to say her goodbyes…

Maybe… even slowly drift to sleep in someone's arms…

She stares up at him as she gives her response without fear.

Eliza: "I'd rather be poisoned… It can be painless and it gives me time to enjoy the world around me before I close my eyes forever. Perhaps I can be surrounded by my friends as I tell them my goodbyes…."

He stares at her… giving her a small smile for a moment. Until his face was riddled with delight from all the possibilities in his head.

Astarion: "A fine choice! I can think of some nightshades that are deliciously fatal. If they're mixed well, you'll just close your eyes and drift away. And if they're not… Well, I'm getting ahead of myself. This is all a worst case scenario, obviously."

The hesitation remains in his gaze, despite the devilish smile he wore. His voice was riddled with excitement from the idea.

She still had something to ask…

She decided it was best she asked while they still had the subject on the table… She stuttered nervously when she spoke.

Eliza: "C-Can I make a request? If the time ever comes…"

His eyes looked at her with a new fascination. He didn't hesitate with his words.

Astarion: "Anything, darling! Whatever you desire - It is your death wish after all."

Her eyes have trouble keeping her gaze on him. Her words came out nervously, but she meant every one…

Eliza: "I-If I must die… When the time comes… Can I… die in your arms?..."

His eyes widened as he stared in shock. He took a moment before he gave her his response… His voice held disbelief..

Astarion: "You want to-…What?... But… Why?"

She looks to her feet, and her face gets warm in embarrassment…

Eliza: "W-When we first met… The way it felt in your arms was unlike anything I experienced… At that moment, I've never been more at peace… I was ready to die right then and there if it came to it… So, if I am to die… I want my last memory to be of what it was like to be held by you… One last time before I go… I know I can face death with a smile if I do…"

She was too afraid to look up and see his reaction… This was a ridiculous request…

He would never agree to-

Astarion: "Alright…"

She gaped up at him in awe, his eyes didn't meet hers as he stared off into the distance… His mind seemed far away for a brief moment before he mumbled in response.

Astarion: "What an odd request… I never thought someone would be happy to die by my hand… Let alone in my arms… I thought it was impossible even…"

Then in a flash his demeanor came with his usual charming smile. As he turned his gaze to meet with hers.

Astarion: "If the last day has taught me anything, it's that the impossible is more likely than you think… Now, let's get some rest. The sooner we start tomorrow, the better our chances of keeping this… hypothetical…"

His smile drifted into a plain expression as he returned to his book.

Trying his best to keep his expression from being readable, no doubt…

She couldn't help but wonder what he might be thinking…

She thought she should give him a smile and a small response.

---

Astarion's POV

(Moments before)

He listened to them talk only for a moment.

Once he returned to his tent, he stopped and ended up staring down at his hands. There were traces of her blood on his fingers…

It took everything in him to fight the urge to lick it off...

If he tasted even a drop of her blood…

He knew he would crave more…

To the point he might reveal his nature…

The longer it stayed the harder it was to fight the temptation…

If he wiped it on something he owned it would be a constant reminder… A form of torture…

So he grabbed some water from his pack…

Every fiber of his being hated every moment as he washed it off…

Once the blood was gone he found himself staring at his hands once again…

They were clean now, but he wondered what possessed him to go out of his way to do such a thing…

Ignoring his hunger…

He could have indulged… but he didn't..

He couldn't believe what he said before…

He said some things that were… nice…

He didn't do 'nice'…

There were many times he actually smiled…

When it's been a while since he recalled a genuine smile…

He couldn't understand how he didn't mind his hands touching hers…

In fact, he liked it…

But… all of it…

It wasn't about the blood at all…

He did it all for something else…

Unfortunately... He didn't know why…

Then… What made him do any of it?...

Deciding to take his mind away from the disappointment in his lack of control over his thoughts…

They kept racing back to her no matter what he did… He tried to convince himself that reading was his best option.

He wanted to focus on reading books more. After 200 years, it's been a long time since he sat down and enjoyed a book.

But… every time he tried…

She came to his mind once again as she appeared in front of him…

The way she looked at him was more exciting than before…

No stress to be seen at all… Except for the tears that remain on her cheeks, he wondered what drove her to shed tears…

Were they sad or happy tears?

He spoke to her exactly how he planned to.

He was curious as to how she knew their 'little friends' were different, but knew she didn't know how. She already admitted that she didn't. So, he didn't bother asking…

He enjoyed the topic, normally he wasn't phased with the thought of death or killing…

A life lived…

A life ends…

Everyone dies eventually…

But… A part of him hated the thought…

The part about her life coming to an end…

Made him feel traces of something deep…

Something that made him feel awful…

Almost sad…

She made things so interesting…

and frustrating…

He found that he enjoyed her company more and more…

The little time they had together was perfect…

She didn't judge his malicious thoughts. In fact, she encouraged them.

She didn't show a shred of distaste or cruelty towards him…

Always the opposite…

She was always eager to listen, but too anxious to talk back…

She looked so cute when she was nervous…

Of course she would want to be surrounded by her friends in her final moments.

It sounded just like something she would want…

Her sudden desire to ask for a request caught him by surprise. Only to be enthralled by her next words…

He couldn't believe what he just heard…

Once again her very presence became overwhelming...

Just from a couple sentences he was filled with all kinds of immense feelings…

Her words brought him joy…

But also pain…

Why would she want to die in his arms?

He didn't do anything worthy of such a request…

Was it really so simple… He hasn't slept with her or manipulated her in any way…

Not yet…

However, she wanted to feel what it felt like when he held her… Before she left the world.

She said she felt… at peace…

Just like he thought before, she was ready to die when they first met…

She had a knife held to her throat and yet she didn't fear death… she embraced it…

All because of the way it felt when he held her in his arms…?

It had to be a joke…

She couldn't have been serious…

And yet her entire demeanor said otherwise…

She was so strange…

An odd little half-tiefling…

but she was an adorable little thing…

She couldn't even look him in the eye as she shuffled her feet on the ground nervously…

He figured… what was the harm in letting her have her request…

There have been worse things he's been asked to do than what she asked…

Although… none of them made him feel warm inside like hers did…

He found himself feeling like… he was floating…

He was quick to snap back into his usual demeanor.

He didn't know who this version of himself he was becoming…

Or why he was slowly turning so… soft…

Most of all, he didn't know whether he liked it or not…

Then her voice interrupted his rapid thoughts.

Eliza: "I hope you sleep well. Have a good night, Astarion. I'll see you in the morning… Be safe-…"

She interrupted herself, covering her mouth after her last statement. She then stared at him with a smile and a wave. A genuine one that she always gave him. She turned around and ran off to the fire, sitting herself in front of it.

He stared at the back of her head with curiosity…

Wondering what she meant by "be safe"

Wondering what went on in her head at all…

Wondering why she races through his mind at all…

What made her so interesting?

She remains a gnawing mystery that consistently frustrated his mind…

That brought confusion… and delight…

She was thoughtful to others and yet careless towards herself…

But he could see in her eyes how much she feared herself…

When he didn't fear her at all…

He wasn't scared of this darker version of herself…

He has seen scarier monsters than her little beast…

But what could he possibly do to change that…

Why did he want to?

His head tells him she should be seduced so she will never change her trust or loyalty…

But something else had him wondering if that was entirely the truth…

But where it came from wasn't clear…

So, he decided once again to retire for the night with his book in hand. Using it to pass the time. Trying his best to focus on it instead of… someone else…

Waiting for them all to fall asleep, before satisfying his quenching thirst and hunger…

Once they all lull to sleep… Especially her…

She took the longest, but finally went to sleep…

He then sneaks off into the night…

His pent up rage and desires gave him the strength to take down a bigger beast than the night before…

The boar goes down. Giving one final squeal before his fangs pierce its neck and he begins to drink it dry.

With his hunger satisfied, he returns to camp, and takes the only open mat not far from her…

Laying down flat on his back he tried to drift off from the stars above…

He heard a soft hum escape from beside him and turned his head to inspect the sound…

He found himself watching Eliza's sleeping face as she laid on her side facing the flames.

Every so often her face would twitch or stir in her sleep…

Suddenly mumbles escape her.

Eliza: "Mmn… No… I don't… want to…"

His voice came quietly to make sure not to wake the others.

Astarion: "Eliza?... You're alright - I'm here…

Her panic intensified on her face and in her voice…

Eliza: "No… Please… I won't… No - I don't want this… Don't do this… S-Stop!..."

Her breathing grew heavier.

Her words sounded so desperate…

So terrified…

So hurt…

It pained him to see that she couldn't even be safe in her own dreams…

His full body turns to face her as her voice increases in volume. Without a thought, he reached towards her trying to bring her some form of comfort. In the brief moment his hand graced her cheek…

His own panic ensued after he heard a familiar word…

Eliza: "Astarion - NO!!!"

He swiftly sat up after he heard his own name loud enough for him to hear, while the others remained sound asleep…

This time she jolted awake sitting up in horror…

She looked lost in a trance for a moment.

He got her out of it with his voice…

But, when her eyes met his, he didn't see her calm down like she usually did when she looked at him…

This time he saw only terror…

As she jumped up from her bedroll and backed away from him in a hurry.

He didn't know why, but she looked afraid of him…

She looked at him like there was danger from being this close…

And he hated seeing her that way…

---

Eliza's POV

(Moments before)

She almost slipped up before, she knew he was going to hunt tonight… But he didn't know she knew….. She decided to keep it that way, forgetting she even slipped up at all.

There wasn't much else to do, everyone else was calling it a night…

No matter how much she hated the thought of going to sleep…

She finally realized how much she needed to rest, as her eyelids grew heavy and she couldn't help but yawn every few minutes.

She finally laid down her head and her mind drifted off to sleep.

All that remained was darkness…

She then found herself surrounded by whispers…

Voices coming in from all sides…

Slowly getting louder with each new voice that made itself known.

???: "Careful… She has a deathly look in her eye…Don't trust her, she'll gut you like a fish… I just know it…"

???: "Your skills are impressive, rather terrifying actually… You have so much power within your fingertips… Yet you waste them… Why don't you use them for 'other' talents?"

???: "Hey… I can trust you, right? I just… keep getting this feeling… you want to hurt me…

???: "No - Stop!!! Don't you know who that is?! She doesn't show mercy… She's a heartless killer!…"

???: "Murderer! You killed my son - I will get you for this! WAIT- No! Stay away from me! DONT YOU DAR- AHHHH!"

???: "Y-You Psychopath! Do you even have a heart?! A soul?! Why would you do that?! How could you be so cruel?!"

???: "Stay away from her! You can't trust her! She will kill you without a single thought!"

???: "Oh, sweetie…. Someone like me… knows a monster when they see one… Us monsters must stick together… Don't you think?"

The voices fade into silence…

Each sentence made her sink lower to the ground. Hearing their voices, their pain, their anger, their mistrust… She knew they were talking about her… to her…

They hated her…

She could hear the evil in a few voices that she heard…

The last one sounded familiar somehow…

Within their voice she could tell that they wanted her to keep committing these evil acts…

They enjoyed her killer nature…

All while on the inside… She was breaking…

She didn't know what she did to deserve the other's words…

She hated how it made her feel…

Eliza didn't see a soul around her, she looked around as another voice came to her…

It sounded a lot like her voice…

???: "Weak… Pathetic… Useless… What a joke… We're not nearly as fearsome as we once were… We've become a sniveling coward… This innocent act must come to an end… To kill is all we are meant for… All we will ever be and you deny it… You must do what you crave. It is who we are."

Eliza: "No… I don't want to…"

Within a dark flash a cursed shadow appears in front of her…

The shadow was shaped like her but she couldn't see a face or lips. She Heard her own voice come from it, except it was cold and cruel…

Shadow: "We were created to kill… We were placed in this world for the glorious gore of murder and death… You know this to be true and yet you waste your potential… Your disrespect will not be tolerated. You will do what you are meant to… I will make you…"

Then another voice came to her ears… A voice that normally made her calm suddenly brought her terror.

Astarion: "Eliza?... You're alright - I'm here…"

She turns swiftly to see his ruby eyes and warm smile with a hand over his heart…

The smile that made her knees weak and her heart dance… Only brought her sorrow…

She looked back at the shadow, her voice pleading to it in her desperation.

Eliza: "No… Please…"

The shadow raises its hand, the clawed finger pointing at her as it speaks with her own voice in a menacing way…

Shadow: "You don't have a choice… You never did… I will gain control again, and you will do what I ask…"

Eliza: "I won't!"

Even though her words were determined, she looked down at her hands to see they held a wooden stake that she couldn't let go of.

No matter how much she tried, her body wouldn't listen…

He looked at her like she wasn't a threat at all…

His eyes held trust in them…

Trust she obviously didn't deserve…

Her other voice grew deeper and darker…

Shadow: "You will… You wanted to be closer to him, didn't you?… You can prove how much you care for him this way, there is no greater gift than death… It's what you want after all… To show him how much you want him, right?… This will bring you closer than you'll ever need to be… You are a fool to ask for more. This is his fate if you dare to fall for him…"

With a wave of the shadow's hand, Eliza turns to face him. He looks at her without any fear, only trust remains in his eyes… Her body was ignoring her deep desire to run as far from him as she could.

Eliza: "No - I don't want this!"

The shadows voice sounded deep and unrecognizable…

Shadow: "Stop fighting against it! He will only bring you more agony letting him live… You must do what you were created for…"

Her body was inching closer with each forced step as her shaky hand held the stake high above her head…

She fought her body with all her might, she even growled and screamed at him hoping he would run away…

He didn't move an inch. He continued to stare at her curiously with the most beautiful smile he could give…

There was nothing she could do to stop it…

Even in her obviously threatening stance. He continued to stare into her eyes with full confidence, believing entirely that she wouldn't hurt him…

Even when she desperately didn't want to, her body wouldn't listen…

It felt agonizing…

She wanted this to stop!

She didn't want him to die!

She begged in her despair.

Eliza: "Don't do this! S-Stop!"

Shadow: "I am doing nothing. I am you, and you are me… This is who we are… Who you should be… Who you will be… You will end his life… And he will die in your arms… By our hand…"

Eliza: "Astarion- NO!!!"

The stake comes down on his chest, piercing right in his heart…

Her eyes shot open before she could witness the life leave him. Her breath was quick and heavy, her heart pounded in her chest as her eyes stared out ahead of her. A cold sweat dripped down her neck as she tried to recall what made her so afraid…

She couldn't remember what she dreamed about…

What made her panic?

Then his voice came quietly with worry as he spoke.

Astarion: "Hey… Are you alright?"

She didn't know why…

But as soon as her eyes met his, she backed away as fast as she could when she shot up to her feet.

His expression held confusion, before his face slowly turned to frustration.

He opened his mouth, but before he could say another word she interrupted him in a whisper.

Eliza: "I-I'm fine… I-I just need some air…"

She turns away quickly and she was ready to run in the opposite direction.

But then a hand swiftly grabs her wrist.

She turns to look right into his eyes, he looks at her with an angrier expression than before.

His touch caused shivers to run up her arm and her heart to race faster. His voice sounded irritated in his whisper.

Astarion: "What's the matter with you? You said my name in your sleep… and I highly doubt I did anything to deserve your sudden… coldness. What happened in your dream? Why are you acting this way?"

Her face reddened after hearing such a thing.

Why did she say his name in her sleep?!

She didn't know how to answer, she didn't have one.

However, it was rude to ignore him or not give him an answer.

So, her voice was shaky as she spoke quietly.

Eliza: "I-I'm sorry… It's not you, I promise, the problem is me. I don't know what my dream was about and I'm not sure why, but… I worry I might hurt you… So, maybe you should stay away from me…

Suddenly his furrowed eyebrows rise as he gapes at her in shock. He only stares at her for a moment in silence as she worried quietly about their silent moment together. Of what it could possibly mean.

Why was he looking at her like that?

Then his mouth opens again but this time she lets him speak.

Astarion: "I know who I need to stay away from… and for as long as I've known you… You have never been one of those people…"

His words were unexpected. They bring her immeasurable bliss, and she found herself taking a moment to sigh a breath of relief. Unfortunately, she still felt uncertain about herself and of what she wanted this to be between them.

She wanted to be close…

She wanted to enjoy his touch…

But she couldn't…

She will hurt him in the end…

Somehow she felt that her presence would only cause him harm…

Eliza worried that she might never be free of this anxiety and fear…

That he will always be in danger if she was around…

---

Astarion's POV

He could only guess what her dream was about, and it was hard to think otherwise without context.

At first he thought it was him she feared…

That she didn't want to be near him initially.

Which could have terrible, if they weren't close he might never gain her full trust and devotion.

But once again… it was herself she feared…

And once again…

He said something ridiculously corny to her like an idiot… and yet… it worked…

Just for a moment…

He could see it in her gaze…

She wanted to step closer to him and accept his hold on her wrist…

But… even though she wanted to close the distance between them…

SHE. PULLED. AWAY!

AGAIN!!!

IT'S SO INFURIATING!!!

Eliza: "I appreciate the gesture, but I would rather be safe than sorry…"

Astarion: GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!

He held himself together, trying not to visibly look as terrible as he feels…

He was able to hide his internal screaming, keeping his struggle behind his eyes while his face held a blank stare.

He didn't know how or why something so small can have such an impact like this…

But he felt like he was riddled with despair in his disappointment…

Her hand pulls away from his, not giving him the chance to be close…

Afraid of what she could do to him, of what it could do, this shadow that loomed over her.

He wasn't scared of this darker version of herself!

He has seen scarier monsters than her little 'beast'…

And yet she doesn't give him the chance to make decisions for himself. She already has it in her head that she was better off staying away.

It was ruining his plans…

And frankly… It pissed him off …

But he couldn't bring himself to say what was really on his mind…

So, he changed into his usual demeanor…

and let her be…

Astarion: "As you wish… Enjoy your walk… I'll see you in the morning then..."

He tried not to look like it, but the way he flopped back onto the bedroll felt like he just wanted to roll over and pout like a child…

And it took everything it had in him to not do just that. He held a tight look on his face while he stared up at the stars…

She didn't say a word as he heard her footsteps leave farther away from the campfire.

He found himself sparing a glance for a moment to see her heading to an abandoned building not far from the camp.

He had a feeling that she wasn't planning on coming back.

So, he tried his best to relax and get comfortable. He closed his eyes after he returned his head to the pillow. His body lay flat as he heard the fire crackling and the creatures stirring. The breeze rustled… and the wizard snored…

He could listen to the sounds of the night, but now his snore was all he could hear…

He could blame it on the buffoon for keeping him awake…

But - he found himself trying to listen for any sounds or sniffles in her direction…

He didn't know why he had this mild obsession over someone like her…

Over someone so precocious and selfless…

He might have convinced himself that he despised it, but he found comfort in it somehow…

Knowing that someone cares enough to keep him safe… even if it's from themselves…

That was his last thought as his mind finally found a way to fall asleep…

Just from picturing her warm smile…

Before it disappears from her fears…

---

The song is 'Wondering' by Julia Lester, Olivia Rodrigo, and Walt Disney.

That's all folks! For this chapter, anyway. I'd love to keep writing, but this app gets finicky if it gets past 16,000 words… It's now at 17,664. Anyway - I'll be immediately working on the next chapter after I post this. I love this story and I write it in my free time. I went on vacation last week and took a break from it. Otherwise, I would have posted sooner. I'm back now, simping before you all get the chance to as I write more juicy content.

I hope you love it as much as I do!

Until next time my lovelies!