February 24, 2024: Hi lovelies. I recently got back into writing this. Comparing the original version to the current version, I realize how much darker and more mature it has become. No doubt due to the fact that between 2016 and 2024, I a) met and married the man of my dreams, b) started a challenging career, and c) discovered some surprising kinks. You'll find bits of all of these in this trilogy (formerly, Never the Same).

Quick disclaimer: this story has some very dark and gritty moments. The road to a happy ending will be long and arduous. If you're ready for that—buckle up, buttercup.

Please enjoy, and don't forget to follow/review. May the Force be with you x

-Scarlet

"The horror it inspired in me was almost imperceptibly spiced with an intoxicating joy. [...] I was overcome with a burning desire to belong to these people. [...] I wanted to escape from my childish, narrow life and I wanted to attach myself to something that was great and fundamental."

—a German girl in The Coming of the Third Reich by Richard Evans

Episode I: KYLO REN

33 ABY

As I sat facing the snouted, horned, blue-skinned alien before me, I decided it definitely wasn't my people skills that got me chosen for this mission. The awkward silence was filled with occasional snorts and my own desperate throat clearing. Eventually, Javvik excused himself to go check on the crew, leaving me alone on the observation deck of the space cruiser.

I smiled, feeling more butterflies in my stomach with each kilometer we put between us and the Fleet. Just the thought of being so far from my home made me shiver with excitement.

These days, an uprising was taking place in the Galaxy. The First Order, a power-hungry and authoritarian paramilitary, was rising up against the sitting government, the corrupt and bureaucratic New Republic. The Republic was fighting off its opposition via a proxy military called "the Resistance." Though the two superpowers were not officially at war, they seemed to be on the very precipice. For ordinary people like me, it was best to steer clear of the conflict entirely.

"Representative Caltrel, we will soon enter Ilum's atmosphere," Javvik informed me with a friendly snort. "I believe your people will be quite pleased with this planet."

I thanked him and began to gather my tools—canisters for air, water, and dirt samples—and my datapad.

A small team accompanied us as we departed the landing zone in a small freight speeder. The crew members, who hailed from various species across the Galaxy, held blaster rifles that made me a little nervous. A cool breeze swept through my hair as Javvik explained some preliminaries about the planet.

Soon enough, we reached the perfect spot to gather some vegetation samples. Tall grass danced around a large lake that seemed to have swallowed up part of a dense forest. The clouds parted, allowing rays of sunshine to warm my skin. The unusual sensation made me smile.

I started an air analysis while I gathered the physical samples. Javvik stood nearby impatiently, and I perceived that his usual clients weren't this thorough.

Before I could finish, the crew members began to stir and activate their weapons. Javvik shouted something in a language that was certainly not Basic, and the crew quieted. I resumed my work.

Then, the entire ground began to shake beneath my feet. I tried to keep my balance as my head whipped this way and that. The lake—something was rising from the turbulent water. Is that...a missile? I looked at Javvik, whose jaw had gone completely slack.

I suddenly heard the boom of a voice over a loudspeaker. "Your presence on this planet is not authorized. Surrender yourselves immediately."

I nearly tripped as I sprinted towards Javvik. He was barking something to his crew, who appeared deathly frightened. "W—We have to go," I breathed, my lungs heaving.

"No, no, there's been a misunderstanding," Javvik rumbled, panic in his yellow eyes. He turned toward the origin of the voice and shouted, "I—I—I have the deed to this p—planet!"

Another order echoed out of the forest, closer this time. "This is your final warning. Put down your weapons and surrender immediately."

"Mr. Javvik." My knuckles were white on the strap of my bag. "We have to go."

He looked conflicted. I glanced around at the restless crew as they awaited his next order. What should I do…?

A blast of red suddenly shot out from the trees and struck a crew member. The alien shrieked in pain and dropped his weapon, clutching his burnt and bleeding arm. My eyes widened as my heart leaped into my throat. The exchange of fire began immediately, filling the air with the sounds of high-pitched discharges and scorching impacts. Without hesitation, I tore off in the direction of the speeder. Javvik hobbled after me in my peripheral vision.

A patch of grass ahead of me caught fire, and I screamed a curse. I finally scrambled into the speeder and hovered my hands over the complex controls I couldn't operate.

"Ahh!"

A searing bolt of electricity had hit my back. My body convulsed in pain, and then I flopped face-first onto the metal floor of the speeder. Directly in my line of vision, Javvik also hit the floor. His face was completely slack. I wanted to scream, or cry, but I couldn't move a muscle.

Voices drew near us, speaking through the static of respirators. I felt the floor dip to one side as two sets of white boots entered my line of vision.

"These are the last, sir," said one voice.

"Good job," said another. "We have to take one of them for interrogation."

"Which one?"

I heard a dry laugh. "Isn't it obvious?"

I watched as the barrel of a blaster was placed against Javvik's head. If I had been able to, I would have screamed with all my might before a blow to my skull knocked me unconscious.