"Well, aren't we hooked on phonics?" Jess asked as he was looking around the bookshelf of the girl, Rory, he thought her name was, he always thought seeing what was on someone's bookshelf was the best way to get to know who they were. He had to admit, he could see himself getting along with her, there weren't many people who read as much as he did but she certainly seemed like she could keep up with him. He had a feeling he just found the first and possibly only interesting thing about this town.
"Oh, I read a lot, do you read?"
"Not much." He said while picking up her copy of Howel.
"I can loan that to you, it's great."
He shrugged, "No thanks."
"Well if you change your mind."
"Okay, we really need to get Jackson away from the lemons now so we're moving the feast to the living room," Lorelai said popping her head in the door.
"Okay," Rory responded and her mom left.
Rory looked at Jess when she heard her curtains move. "So do these open?"
"Oh yeah, you just have to twist the latch and push."
"Great, shall we?"
"Shall we what?"
"Bail."
Rory's eyes scrunched in confusion, "No?" It somehow came out more as a question.
"Why?"
"Because it's Tuesday night in Stars Hollow, there's nowhere to bail to, the 24-hour mart just closed twenty minutes ago." She felt herself take a step to the window before mentally shaking her head at her silliness, she wasn't going to sneak out for the first time ever, by the way, with a guy she just met. No matter how much he intrigued her, the thing that caught her interest even more was that she didn't know what about him intrigued her in the first place. She was intrigued about being intrigued. Was she thinking the word intrigued too much? She thought so, she went to Chilton, she should have a better vocabulary than this. She snapped out of her mental spiral when Jess answered.
"So we'll go walk around or we'll sit on a bench and stare at our shoes."
Rory laughs a little. "Look, Sookie just made a ton of delicious food and I'm starving, and though it may not seem like it at this very moment, it's going to be fun, trust me."
"I don't even know you."
"Well, don't I look trustworthy?"
"Maybe."
"Okay, good, let's eat." Rory smiles brightly and takes a few steps to the door but turns back and waits for Jess to follow, reluctantly, he does. On his way out he grabs her Howel and stuffs it in his pocket. She offered him a soda and when he said he'd get it himself he went to grab a beer instead and went outside
Jess stood on the back porch of his uncle's girlfriend's house with a beer, At least he thought they were dating, if they weren't they'd be soon enough, Jess knew. He didn't know why he grabbed the beer, he wasn't one to drink, he'd seen enough of what it had done to people, to his mother for example. Then again, it'd always seem to make her feel better, well at least until it didn't, anyway. He didn't know what the fuck he was doing, he just wanted to go home, to go back to New York where his life was. Yeah, his home life was shitty, the type of shitty that people wrote stories about, the type of shitty that'd have the state taking him away from if it ever came out but it was home. He had friends, he had freedom, he had a life, he had space to breathe, noise. It's too quiet here in this two-bit Maycomb-esque town. His mom didn't give him much of a choice though, her newest boyfriend didn't like the fact that she had a kid, so she did what she always did, chose men over her son. That wasn't out of the norm, Jess was used to that, he was also used to her partying her days away with the boyfriend. The new thing about the situation was the fact that she sent him away to his uncle's with some story about him being too much to handle and being a bad kid. It was clear the town already felt some type of way about him so he decided to lean into it.
So here he was, standing on a porch, with a beer in his hand that he didn't even want, wondering what the fuck he was going to do now. He could just leave, he supposed, it wouldn't be the first time he had to fend for himself, that started long ago when he was eight and Liz went 'to work' and didn't come back for a week. He held in a sigh when the back door opened, ruining his solitude.
Lorelai walked out and the first thing she did was take the beer from him just as he decided to open it, "Oh for me, hey thanks!" She took a big swig. "Refreshing."
Her first impression of the kid was plain as day to her, she didn't like him. She thought he was bad news, that's what everyone was saying, anyway. She inhaled once sharply, who was she, her mother? She decided she was going to give the kid a fair shake, she'd done much worse at his age, hell, she had a newborn at his age. "So what? You're not hungry?"
"Not really."
"Sookie made grilled cheese if you don't want pot roast." Lorelai laughs a little awkwardly.
"Well, if I'd have known that," Jess replied, sarcasm clear.
"Let me guess, you don't want to be here."
"Doesn't matter."
"I mean here in Stars Hollow."
"Well Gee Miss Gilmore, why would anyone wanna not be here in Stars Hollow, that just sounds plum crazy."
Lorelai looked at him long and hard, Jess worked hard not to fidget under her stare, he had a feeling she was seeing much more than he wanted. Eventually, she took another swig of her beer before leaning against the rail on her porch and looking out into the yard.
She stayed quiet for a long while, Jess was preparing to just walk away, and right as he was about to, she spoke. "You know, I ran away from home at sixteen, and didn't talk to my parents for years after. So I get it, not getting along with your parents. I know all about teenage rebellion, you don't end up with a newborn at sixteen if you don't have some rebellion in you.
Jess' scoff came out before he could stop it. "What? Do you think I'm lying?"
"No, but you have no clue what you're talking about, you don't know me at all."
"What do you mean?" Lorelai asked, getting angry, she was willing to give the kid a chance but his attitude was starting to piss her off.
For Jess it was a culmination of everything, being abandoned by his mother, the woman he always put first even though she constantly left him, it was the fact that he was shipped off to a town completely different from what he'd ever known, it was the fact that he's only talked to three people and somehow he was already the bad boy, the thief, rule breaker, the one that couldn't be trusted, it was missing his friends who were more like family to him than whatever Luke was supposed to be. Luke was just the guy who he saw on holidays who was purposely blind to everything just so that he could go back to his life without feeling terrible about himself. In Jess' mind, he had nothing left, everything was taken from him, and everyone in town already hated him, so what was the point? The words that came out of his mouth weren't chosen, they weren't thought through, and if Jess did think before speaking, they'd never have come out but they were also the most honest and heartfelt thing he'd said in a while.
"What I mean is that other than the people in this house I haven't spoken to anyone in this town but I'm already the irredeemable troubled kid, all because of what Liz told my 'uncle', an uncle by the way who only cares enough to take me in because his precious sister asked him to. His 'precious sister' who is nothing more than an addict who has no problem leaving me to fend for myself for weeks on end and had no problem sending me away because her new boyfriend, who is also her dealer by the way, decided he didn't want to fuck anyone that was fertile enough to have birthed children, but yeah, I'm the problem."
Lorelai opened her mouth to say something but the only thing that came out was a weird croaking sound. 'Get your shit together Lorelai, okay, so you might have been judging this kid unfairly and things aren't what you thought they were but he obviously needs someone, buck up.'
Just when she finally got her shit together enough to say something Jess had a look on his face of pure regret and pain, he'd obviously not meant to say all that to her. She reached her arm out to touch his arm but he flinched back and before she could apologize he'd run down the steps and into the night. Lorelai stood there, unsure what to do. She felt sympathy, pity, pain, and many more terrible sounding adjectives for the kid, feelings that she was sure he wanted no part of. In that sense, he reminded her a lot of herself at his age. She realized how out of her depth she was and she cringed when she thought about how she thought she had him figured out in the first few minutes of meeting him, and how she tried to compare their childhoods, Richard and Emily Gilmore were a lot of things but neglectful addicts weren't on their list of faults. And with how he flinched when she tried to touch him, she'd bed an abusive mom, or at least her friends, was yet another reason the kid had been failed by his parents. Parents should be a safe haven for their children but it's clear that wasn't the case for Jess, in fact from the way he was talking, she was pretty sure he tried to act as a safe haven for his mother, and that made her so sad she had to stop herself from letting the tears fall that she felt building in her eyes.
She knew one thing, she had to talk to Luke, it was clear, in her eyes at least, that Jess felt like his uncle failed him. Although Luke was one of the greatest men she'd ever known, she could see why the kid felt that way, he had no one and his uncle who he only saw on holidays was blind to the pain he was in. So yeah, she had to talk to Luke, she just wasn't sure what to say, how much to tell him. She was sure if it was up to Jess, she'd tell Luke nothing. But he was the kid and she was the adult and she knew that if they were going to help Jess, there had to be some amount of open honesty about what he's been through.
"Jess, are you out— Lorelai, there you are, have you seen Jess? Oh Lorelai, what's wrong? What did the little punk do? I'll kill him, I'm telling you, he really needs to be taught some manners." Luke said as he came out of the house.
Those words, so harsh on Jess were all she could take and the tears she was holding back fell down her face with gusto. God, she hated how she looked when she cried, she was definitely an ugly cryer, so she didn't like anyone seeing her do it, other than Rory of course but she totally didn't want Luke of all people to see it. It didn't matter though, the tears would not be quelled, they would fall and nothing she could do would get them to stop. "Lorelai, what happened? What did he say to you?"
"Stop that!" She yelled. "Stop assuming he's the problem, he's not!"
"Okay… then why are you crying?"
"No! Not about right now, I mean yeah, technically I am crying because of him but it's not his fault. Actually, no, I'm not crying because of him, I'm crying for him."
"Uh… what?" An almost hysterical laugh came out of her because of his confusion. She knew she looked and sounded crazy right now but there was nothing she could do about it.
"What I mean is, it's not his fault that he was sent here."
"Lorelai, I'm really trying to follow you, usually I do a pretty good job, if I do say so myself, but this time I'm lost."
"I mean your sister is not okay. She didn't send him away because he was uncontrollable, she sent him away because her boyfriend didn't like kids."
"What? No! Liz would never!"
"Oh yeah, I forgot the real shocker. That boyfriend I was talking about, he's also, get this, her drug dealer."
"No, I don't believe it, the punk is lying."
"Did you know she was an alcoholic?"
"I—I knew she had a problem, I knew she drank too much, but I also know she's been sober for a long time."
"And how do you know that? Because the addict said so? Did you try asking the kid of the addict when you visited them once every few months?" She didn't mean to sound accusatory but it was coming out that way all the same. Luke's flinching back like he'd been slapped was answer enough for Lorelai. In a softer tone, she continued, "Apparently Liz had no problem leaving him to fend for himself for weeks on end when there was a good enough excuse to. I don't know much more than that, I'm not sure why he wants to go back so much but he does. Luke, he's not lying, he was angry and it all came spilling out, he didn't mean to tell me any of that and when he realized he did, he ran. This is more than you signed up for but it's not his fault, we have to help him, we have to be there for him, be his solid ground. From what I can tell, he hasn't had stability in a long time, maybe ever."
Luke stared at her so long she was almost positive he was going to call her a liar. She felt her heart break a little bit when she realized his eyes were glassy, he was holding back tears and from the looks of things, he wasn't doing a great job at it. God, her heart felt torn apart, she felt terrible for both Luke and Jess and if she was being honest, held a bit of hatred for this 'Liz'. She's lucky she was in a different state right now because if she were any closer, Lorelai would drive right over and give her a few choice words. Lorelai understood why Jess felt abandoned by Luke, and looking at things from his point of view she could see why he felt that way but she also knew Luke and she knew he'd never, ever leave anyone in a situation like that if he knew it was happening, let alone family.
As Lorelai felt her heart breaking for the man in front of her and a kid who went through something no kid should, she realized she was worried too much about herself. Even though Luke never struck her as the touchy-feely type, there was something inside her that told her he needed some comfort. So slowly, so he could pull away if he wanted to be all macho about it, she leaned in for a hug. She wrapped her arms around him when he didn't pull away and he was stuck still for a few moments before she felt his shoulder sag and he leaned into her. Lorelai closed her eyes and patted his back when she felt his forehead rest on her shoulder.
"Mom, where a— Luke, what's wrong, are you okay?"
Luke clears his throat and pulls away from Lorelai, turning her back to the girls.
"We're fine, hon. It's okay, we'll be back in, in a minute."
"Are you sure? You look sad."
"It's nothing to worry about, I promise."
"Okay…" Rory said dubiously but she eventually closed the door and went back inside to the feast. It wasn't until she was back in the living room with the food and friends that she realized Jess wasn't in there. She felt a twinge of regret, she was looking forward to getting to know him, of course, he wasn't what she expected when she heard about a relative of Luke's but there was definitely something inside her that was letting her know that getting to know him was important and she was one to follow those gut feelings. She sighed, got back to her meal, and listened to the cute bickering between Sookie and Jackson.
Back outside Luke had got ahold of himself and was now staring out into the yard lost in thought, Lorelai wasn't really sure what to do here. She sighed, "How can I help, Luke, I know this is way more than you signed up for, but knowing you like I do, you're not going to give up on family. I'm here however you need me."
Luke sighed, "I've defended Liz nonstop since we were kids, I've always had her back, I've never been anywhere near as angry with her as I am right now. No, not anger, rage. Yeah, rage is a better word. Not just any rage, white hot rage that is burning brighter than a thousand suns type of rage would be a better word for how I'm feeling."
"Words, and very descriptive words at that. Listen, I can't pretend to know what he's going through, and he's already made it clear that my parental problems are nothing compared to his own but I think the best thing we can do is be there for him and support him. He doesn't seem like someone that's going to want to talk but if he does, we listen and help how we can. Oh, and what I think has to be first on tomorrow's agenda, we have to change the narrative around town."
"What do you mean 'change the narrative'?"
"I know you didn't mean to but when you went around talking about how Liz was sending her problem child here because she couldn't control him anymore it kind of made the town's opinions up on him. He's been here hours and has already had dirty looks and mean words shot at him, he doesn't need that on top of everything else."
Luke cringed, regretting letting his anger, frustration, and truthfully, fear, talk for him over the last few days since his phone call with his sister. "Uh yeah, right, that's a good idea, I'll get right on that." He turned and looked at Lorelai with a small smile, "Thank you, Lorelai, it means a lot to me, I'm not sure what I'd do without you, I know damn well things with Jess would have just gone downhill if you didn't talk to him."
"Frankly, they still might, hopefully, we'll be able to help though."
"Yeah," He said with one more sigh. "Okay, let's go inside, he probably needs some time to cool off and I'm sure Rory is getting worried."
Lorelai nodded and they went back for dinner, although both of them had lost their appetites, and neither was sure when they'd come back after all they learned tonight.
~~~~~
Jess wasn't really sure where he was walking, though he supposed it didn't matter considering how small and boring the place was, he figured if he kept walking for a while he'd either come to the town line, where he could keep walking and try it out completely on his own, or he'd find his uncle's diner.
He found a bridge that he decided to sit on while hanging his feet over the edge. If he tried, he could make his sneakers skim the top of the lake. Jess cringed, he couldn't believe he let his mouth get away from him. He's never told anyone that much before, and he never had any intention to. He didn't want people to judge his mom, he didn't want pity or to be judged himself. He hoped Lorelai wasn't as overbearing, nosey, and as much of a do-gooder as she seemed, in fact, he hoped she'd just pretend that conversation never happened or that she went for something stronger than the beer she took from him and got so drunk she'd think she imagined it all. He didn't think he was that lucky though, he'd come to realize not all moms did things like that, just his.
He shook his head, there was no use worrying about it, whatever was going to happen would. He took out the book that he'd borrowed without permission and started writing his thoughts and notes in the margins, it was one of his favorite ways to read and he had a hunch Rory was the type of girl to enjoy talking about books as much as he was. A small smile that no one could see came over his face, at least he found one person who seemed cool in this dumb town, she was beautiful too, which didn't hurt.