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The following is a fan-based

FICTION

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Chapter 2: Dubious Consent Cuddles

Hello, Bukharin here, and I totally copied Max0r's introduction, please don't copyright this video, I need the money for [gacha fueling my hellish cabal pay for new Paradox's DLCs] good and honest reasons.

Still, Teyvat is big... and this world has to have ninjas. It would be stupid if that wasn't the case. We had Monstadt, then we had the prosperous state of Liyue, that has no reference to Xianxia or Pre-Yuan Imperial China, and then there are more states which, truth be told, I knew nothing about. I was a noob, my dear spectators, an utter fool that was bewitched by the booty and the boobies. But, despite my foolishness, there was one thing that I could proudly say I could see without being a dense idiot:

Eula was no ninja.

Imagine the scene: here I am, plotting more mobs' genociding with my beloved daughter-in-all-but-law-and-blood, when I suddenly perceive someone sneezing from a nearby tree. Klee was quite clueless of the fact that a fellow Knight of Favonius had followed her steps and was now spying on us.

I had many things to say on the choice Jean may have employed in this case, but considering Klee's outburst at Amber's reaction of seeing an handsome Hilichurl that could breed her with a lustful glance, I suppose the Acting Grand Master had to pick a good enough substitute that was good enough to be diplomatic and also capable of putting down their mascot's newest puppy. Said puppy was also having a moral dilemma on how our current plans for the day were going to be interpreted by the beautiful azure-haired lady currently following us.

I mean, what could one expect from seeing a Hilichurl joining arms with someone that was known to murder members of his ilk? Also, the question that would hit her poor brain would be 'why'? I could bring up many reasons, many of which are quite reasonable, others are controversial and could ban me from meta-twitter. I could say I was just a demonic monke trying to save Teyvat from the cursed Hilichurls and I repented my sins as a Hilichurl. Or that I liked to see the world burn while wanking within my thoughts.

No, none of that would be true.

It was female Hilichurls. And their mannerisms.

The issue came in the form of what happened during the first days of my solo survival. I didn't lie when I say I was the only Hilichurl when I woke up. But I wasn't alone right as I was trying to build my hut. I was happy, I was a single monke doing what he could to survive the wilderness. Then my nostrils flared as my physical senses gave me a clue of the approaching danger. I smelled bitches. And not the kind of 'daddy, give me the cummies' kind of debauched minds.

I am talking about a pack of full-force aggro-Tomboy Hilichurls with a single thing in their mind: get themselves a professional coom-machine, ergo a 'meek lone wolf Hilichurl to have his balls squeezed into their fertile wombs'. Now, that sounds like a good idea to a degree, but then you have to consider the fact I would have been a prisoner, and an abused one at that. Let me reiterate these bitches came forth for a single thing, a breeding stud they could use just for that. Not emotional support, or knowledge-provider.

They expected me to falter, they expected me to jump at the chances to fuck some round butts at the expense of my freedom- but I was a man with principles... and if you are not a gorgeous human beauty that would give me love and care together with the lewd [(or straight up Ganyu)], then you are not worthy my time. Nor my patience.

The bonking was deadly, and I realized just how fast and more 'thoughtful' I was with my attacks. Hilichurls were mindless at times, and with the gang of four I decimated I knew I could be a slayer of those fuckers. So, I went in my first jolly murder-spree (singing Mr. Blue Sky in my head, with my inner voices acting as the choir) in Teyvat.

It was glorious, I didn't feel a single degree of regret. I wouldn't call it an understanding with the worst of imperialism, but I guess I was just insane enough to see how murdering the natives was good civilization if it meant protecting your purity from potential succubi-in-disguise. A child of God I was, but a bad one at that as I was already contemplating how to seduce Eula.

Maybe it was because she was a hot chick, maybe it was because she would be a good way for me to find relief in my loneliness without involving Ella Musk in a more adult form (which was going to take ages, I know, and it was creepy- but Hilichurls' rights... right?), or maybe I just wanted to punish her with my rod for trying to sneak behind my butt. I had to defend my dignity somehow.

Beyond that lewd suggestion, I had other things to focus about. Such as the destruction of another Hilichurlian tribe. Said destruction unfolding beautifully and just as planned, with fire and brimstone raining upon the foolish pests as Klee clapped her hands in a giddy display for her successful bombing. Ah yes, nurturing a future heroic bomber was just what I needed to feel like a proper dad. It was majestic, I was ecstatic by the screams and the destruction.

And as the dust settled and the deadly silence fell upon the grounds once owned by this small tribe, Klee and I sat down for a quick meal. She had a thing for apples, hence why I always had many of those on me whenever she was around. I tried using pears or peaches, but Klee was quite obsessed with the 'sinful fruit' and seemed to have integrated it as part of her daily diet.

As I finished setting down her plate so she could start eating, I prepared a third plate together with mine. Klee noticed a little later as I started to cut more fruits than usual, and she realized that I was inciting a guest to approach when I pointed a finger at a tree nearby where Eula had just recently relocated to. I saw her tense up from the tree branch she was perched on, eyes widening in surprise even as I gestured to her to approach.

Klee waved as she instantly spotted the fellow knight from afar. "Eula! Hi!"

The young woman grimaced, defeated in this 'excellent' hide n' seek game as Klee called it. She didn't use 'excellent', but the sarcasm to add in the after-thought was a must. So, here I was, greeting a Knight of Favonius that wasn't trying to kill me. I mean, Eula looked ready to skewer me if I tried anything funny, thus curbing any interest to poke at her legs and cheeks. I wanted to boop her nose to assert dominance, but the bitch was giving me the bad lip.

Despite my atrocious handicap which prevented me from communicating via words with the world, I had Klee and she was good with simple and direct introductions.

"This is Mr. Hili. He is super nice and takes care of me while I am playing in the outskirts!"

Eula frowned at these words. "Takes care... of you?"

I knew what she was implying with that sussy tone, and I aimed a hand to show the cut apples.

"He makes you food?" The young woman elaborated and then paused. "Wait, you understand me?"

"Yeah, he understands perfectly," Klee replied giddily. "He can't talk, but he can make gestures to answer things."

Eula looked perplexed at this development. "Truly, do you understand what I am saying?"

I nodded.

"Let's see... did you know I was spying on you?"

I nodded again.

"And it was... too obvious?"

I nodded strongly at that.

"I am not that bad- Hey, don't shake your head at that."

Hah, suck it!

"Well, you clearly understand me..." Eula muttered. "Which is odd since Hilichurls shouldn't be able to do that to this extent."

"Yeah, he is super-awesome. And gives me nice head pats too!"

That seemed to surprise Eula even more, to the point of giving me an odd look as I did that when Klee leaned in for a much-deserved one. But I think the biggest shock for her was when I had prepared her a meal to try out.

"Oh... I..." I think she was trying to dodge the trade of her getting food, and me getting the first affection points I needed to ultimately recognize me as the ultimate waifu and worship my butt above all things. That or give me lap-pillow... It wasn't like I had a plans to get myself some honey without having sugar as a backup goal. "Thank you."

Oh, she was blushing. I want to headpat the poor abused girl into knowing that she could rely on me. Ah yes, to be a good man with purely lewd intentions. Or purely wholesome. There was hardly a middle-ground at times. I was a monke with hopes, but I was not shy from flexibly switch to something that was more convenient to me if Option A was unavoidable. If my lust couldn't be satisfied, then I guess I will just find relief in brutally decimating my own race of twisted entities until I found Nirvana. That or a girl to fuck. Either way, happiness was mine to claim and my simplicity gave me strength.

Despite the shaky first meeting, Eula would become a common sight. Not visiting as frequently as Klee, but she seemed to take a degree of relief in dealing with this assignment. It was all guarding and studying, nothing about murdering me as she was keen to remind me at times. It almost felt troublesome with how many times she said it, but she was not murdering me and she looked more intrigued than plotting my demise. So, I let her be, I didn't 'press' on the matter and I tried to surf this new tidal wave without getting shreked by it.

Then one day, as Klee, Eula and I got 'tired' from another round of extermination, we decided to nap. I was tempted to offer myself as pillow, but the offer was quickly stolen and wrongfully detained by Klee herself as she used my extra fluff as a pillow. To me, this was but a mere aspect of being a good dad and, despite the wasted opportunity, I decided to roll with it.

I woke up a few minutes later as I felt pressure from my behind. It wasn't the feeling of something prodding against my butt, but it was enough to raise the heat and my concerns. Just as my mind was awakened by the situation, I paused as I realized the source of this warm intrusion was none other than Eula as she took the chance to just claim a 'place in the sun' and 'occupy my resources for good democratic reasons'. Hence why she was nuzzling against my rear furred hair and using it as a comfy pillow.

It was nice, it was a bit kinky, but I felt abused since that was my fluff and she was using it against my will. I felt slightly used... and yet I was a patient man. I knew it was wrong, unfair even, but this could be a sign. That perhaps, in the near future, I would end up gaining someone in my bed to do naughty things. A monke I may be, but a good and patient one I was.

Plus, I used my own patience to hold back my boner. Not when Klee was literally was hugging my front. I don't want to become a devout Buddhist through jail!

Despite my own good hopes, I could tell the malding had just started.

AN

Next time, Eula has a legitimate dilemma that is truly not about how big Hilichurl's dicks are and how do they feel at the touch, Klee is an adorable cinnamon [as she goes away from the lewd and the cray-cray for the sake of bombing the illiterate], and John Impact cometh[ but his sister doesn't as she is getting indoctrinated by the void, I am sadge.]

By the way, Paimon may be onto something, but I can't say anything for now. It will be a fun time of banter, joy[, and some demented talking with the emergency food.]

P.S. I now have a discord server! Discord .gg/ceBMM2Zz6