JMJ

Chapter Nine

Reflection or Reflected

It took a second or two, but Haddler's smile reemerged the rest of the way after a brief look of confusion. "Oh, Lise, that is stupid, isn't it?"

"Then prove to me you are where you think you are."

"You mean you think I'm dreaming this whole thing up," Haddler mocked.

"Sort of, but which dreamt it?" said Lise. "Not you."

Now where had he heard or read that before? He knew he had heard something like it somewhere in spoken words. Was it a twinkling? It was a blinking anyway. Like the blink of an eye it vanished as quickly as it had appeared. He looked around him just to see if he could discover a twinkling now, but it moved faster than a twinkling.

In Haddler's distraction, Lise grabbed his hand which had loosened from the bar, and she shoved it into the heart.

Plinkle, came the most twinkling of sounds.

Haddler yanked his hand away. He rubbed it on his coat as he glared at Lise. Then he glared at his hand. He felt the same. It looked the same. He wiggled his fingers. Then he threw his head once more at Lise, but she was busy at the controls.

Steam hissed all around, and it was getting steadily worse. The heart itself seemed to be working harder than before— louder, deeper, more violently. The steam was overwhelming.

"What are you doing?" he demanded, but his voice was drowned by the hissing steam and the echoing titanic clockwork.

The thrwock, throok was going right through him like a sieve. It was… well, it was actually painful. More painful than…

Through him in and through him out. Every thrwock for every throok. Every second all consuming, the steam punk Hatter Matthias Haddler could concentrate on nothing else. In. Out. Up. Down. Pressure. Release. It was like a dry water torture. Pulsing through his skull, coursing between his ribs and spine to reverberate through his chest. He could not even breathe. It was a plunge and a thrust. Plunge. Thrust.

Lub. Dub.

A light bulb went on if only in his mind, but he could almost see it tangibly. He realized that it was his own heart!

He almost did not understand it at first, but now there could be no denying it. It came back to him. His own heart. It was as if he had forgotten it. Could anything sound so insane? When was the last time he had felt his own heartbeat? How idiotic!

Yet he was immobilized by it. It was a horror. Lub, dub, lub, dub. It was his own metronome as though he himself was the metronome. It was his own ticking and tocking as though he was threaded through on the line of Time. A slave in chains that ticked with every tock right through his chest throbbing with the agony of it until the bitter end when all little candles go out from this life that was but only a dream.

But whose dream? His dream? Her dream? The dream of a pantheon of gods torturing all that they dreamed up? But if it was a dream perhaps even they could not control what happened within their own dream worlds. Their power for creating might be completely automatic when they were sleeping.

There was an echo of wind blowing blusteringly. First one way. Then another. It was almost in time with the lubbing and dubbing, but it was certainly not in tune. How he could keep thinking at all, he could not fathom, but then why did it matter where one's head happened to be? A brain could keep working in theory as long as it was in one's head.

He was in an endless sea. Boiling churning within him rather than from without him. The heat was unbearable. The breeze was even wheezing. Wheezing, wheezing, panting, gasping.

He choked.

The wheezing was also from within.

It was… himself. Breathing, he believed. Like his heart had he also forgotten his lungs too? Absurd!

The tremors then grew and a great rumbling.

Shaking, sweating, moaning, he was like a titan from deep within the earth's crust. However that was where he had been before this, hadn't it? Inside the world? In the core of Heartland. One could not get deeper than that, and now like that same monumental being, he was prying himself through the ground like a bird hatching from an egg, and how it hurt. It hurt because he could not do it.

He was inside that egg. He could see the cracks of light.

Twinkling.

Twinkling.

Were those voices?

Twinkling statically, yes.

They were frantic though as much as he could tell.

Were those animals hooting in a piercing high-pitched way?

No, machine, he thought nearly loud enough to hear; or had it been another voice speaking what he thought.

There was no life to the hooting, anyway, despite how it was in time with the metronome from inside him. Every lub for every dub. It was in time with them not the breathing, which was in a way rather sporadic.

"Lise!" he cracked unsure if it was rage or desperation which compelled the outburst, but the sound of his voice broke up into a million static pieces that made him forget what he managed to croak at all.

Something burned then at his temples. Hot like drops of tea.

No, those were tears at the awkward tilt of his swollen head like the drops of drool coming from the side of his mouth and rolling down his chin and into his hair.

He could not move well or see well or hear well. Lights burst blindingly, and he recoiled like a writhing insect.

#

Tzzsswwmmm…..

Silence pervaded the room a moment to the point of being deafening. The hum was dead, and not so much as breath came forth.

Suddenly Hakuto turned roughly to Mercury. "What happened?" he demanded thrusting his hands out at the black screen.

Mercury blinked unconcerned... or maybe her mind had really just gone as blank as the screen.

"Do hear me?" Hakuto snapped and when she still did not listen, he turned her swivel chair around away from the screen. "Petra Benson?!"

Mercury wrinkled her nose and turned her eyes steadily upon him with nothing much more than mild irritation. "… 'Bensel'."

"What?"

Mercury blinked. "How do you even know my legal name at all?" she asked cloudily.

"Better question. What happened?"

"That's easy enough. The system is unable to connect us to Heartland."

"Don't you mean that Heartland is offline?"

Once again Mercury blinked. Then slowly she brought herself over to the screen of the only computer still working. She checked much technical data and turning quietly back to Hakuto as though there was no problem in the world, she said, "No, Heartland is as fine as promised, except that the clockwork is down."

"The day/night cycle?"

"The clockwork."

"The movement cycle? Or the orbit or whatever you call it? But won't that mean the day/night cycle won't work either?"

"It's connected to the virtual reality vision, which is still fairly intact. Though not all sensory is."

"What?"

"The clockwork cycle is most of all meant to distract from the location of the patients."

"Aren't their bodies all preserved in tubes or something?"

"A body would not function at full health floating in liquid for years, Hakuto," shrugged Mercury. "Not at all like it's portrayed in movies. Their bodies are in Heartland just as much as their minds are."

Hakuto rolled his eyes. "You don't seriously believe they're actually there, do you, or is this another of those 'their reality' things?"

Mercury's eyes remained steadily upon him.

"Heartland is beyond our reality, Hakuto."

Now it was Hakuto's turn to stare steadily. Then he sniffed. "You're nuts! I'm going to Jupiter about this! This game has gone on far enough! First you purposely allow a hacker to get through. Then you don't care that Heartland is offline. Now you claim that Heartland is a physical place! All the patients could have died from shock as far as I understand this whole thing! And Horizon—"

"This was Horizon's plan," said Mercury. "That's why I was hired."

"Hmph!"

"I succeeded in bringing their Alice. There is no longer a need to remain between worlds. It is now that one can enter body and soul into the worlds of one's choosing. We succeeded, Hakuto. Almost, anyway. An Alice… it was all we needed to puncture into Wonderland."

"Wonderland?! Don't be stupid! Horizon wants to prove that a human mind or soul or whatever can be detached from its body artificially, and we've really wasted time for years with that theory playing 'Wonderland'. Just because the patients aren't aware that they are not living within their bodies in a sense, they are not disconnected from them whatsoever nor will they ever be. A brain is a brain, and remote controlled or not, it's still a physical tangible thing that cannot be transferred over to a computer realm."

"The computer was just the transporter."

Hakuto shook his head. "Have reason, woman. I come and go virtually all the time, remember?"

"Do you?" asked Mercury.

Hakuto paused. A shiver went up his brain, but it was a detached feeling from his staunch outward appearance. He just frowned coldly. Then he opened the door.

"You need help, Petra," said Hakuto calmly.

"Hakuto."

"No," said Hakuto. "And from now on it's 'Mr. Adhikari' to you."

And he slammed the door shut.

He couldn't believe it. He just simply couldn't believe it. No matter how many times he had thought and even said it, it was just beyond him that after all this time Mercury had truly gone that insane. He knew that she held onto unstable philosophies, that she was a dreamer and a hopeless romantic, even that she had gone to therapy in her teens, but so had other people who had turned out alright— at least enough to do a job correctly.

As he marched down the hall however, he had to look back at the silent door he had left behind. Mercury had not followed him or tried to stop him in any way. What was she doing in that room, the control center of this whole place? He could picture her simply sitting lifelessly there easily enough, but he knew this was no silly story. Insane or not she was not a board. It felt like a grave crime to leave her there.

He ran back to the door and flung it open.

Mercury was only sitting before the black screen just as he had originally imagined, but at least she had now a cup of coffee and cream.

"Yes?" she asked without looking back after a slow sip in such sluggishness that Hakuto could not imagine any amount of caffeine which would cure it.

Hakuto said nothing and shut the door again more quietly this time and went for Jupiter's office without anymore looking back.

This was the last straw. The last straw. He knew he would have to live his life in career-exile if he actually quit. It would be seen as a risk to allow him to work anywhere more sophisticated than a hardware store. It would be over for him forever after what he knew and how deeply he was involved, but if Jupiter did not set things straight it was over.

That prickling fear was growing in his mind again that the so-called pantheon had never been totally truthful with him. Of course he believed none of the idiocy that Dr. Bensel was saying, but there could be truth mixed in. The Pantheon never seemed to get anywhere towards their official goal. It was all just games with the "patients", especially lately.

What weren't they telling him?

How many others knew just as little as he did and how small was that actual group in the know?

Did he even want to know himself?

He already knew too much to have a real career again. If he knew anymore, it could actually lead to physical danger. He had known that from the beginning, and now…

There was Jupiter's door, but he had to pause.

It was still day time, wasn't it?

It was suddenly very dark outside when he looked out the window at the end of the hall.

A storm?

The weather had said nothing about a storm, but there was no sign of wind. It was more like the darkness of an eclipse.

Slowly he stepped away from the office door. As he crept forward, a chilling feeling came over him like he was being watched. It was surreal as though life really was a dream, or he was dreaming very life-like. Without looking down or lifting a finger, he felt himself present and knew he was walking, but something was not right as though he really was walking down some fanciful corridor in some dark mordant version of Wonderland.

The corridor he was on led to a T at the window, and as he looked up along his right and down along his left, he saw no one. He was not quite close enough to see out the window in full, but the fact that he could hear nothing out it made it seem as though that loneliness was more threatening than if he saw a rabid griffon at the end of a blood-thirsty mock turtle shouting a delusional battle cry.

But just as he was turning back to the window again, he heard a definite patter behind him.

However timid and gentle the sound, it broke through into his senses with as much violence as a stone crashing through the window would have. Lightning went up his spine as he turned with a clench and fist, and what he saw surpassed all expectations. Surely, this was a nightmare! But if it was a nightmare he should have woken up in a cold sweat by now.

A violent strike or a sudden appearance of an angry boss would have been all that he needed to have convinced himself that he was overreacting, but apparently his senses had not been off to this point— if the point of all the suspense was this and it was to be believed. But what this was, he was not entirely sure, which made it worst of all.

It was like looking into a mirror. If it had been a mirror in Heartland, he would not have thought a thing, but out here it was utterly impossible. He was staring at a rabbit: fur white as snow, eyes pink but not sickly. He wore a Victorian jacket and waistcoat. A chain stuck out of his pocket for the infamous pocket watch. His little nose twitched just a little, but otherwise he was as still as Hakuto, and he looked up at him with beady eyes expectantly.

Hakuto blinked, and found that his mouth was gaping. He clamped it shut and felt himself with his hands this time, looking down as he did. Yes! He was still himself, but— that! It did not even look like that overly stylized steam-punk rabbit he had used for years as his avatar in Heartland's digital realm. It looked far more like a rabbit from Beatrix Potter's illustrations and far more authentically historic in dress to a Dickens' tale. Not to say it looked exactly like Tenniel's artistic rendition one hundred percent, but it definitely fit the description.

The rabbit looked down apologetically meanwhile, but only for a second as he cleared his throat and said, "Excuse me, sir! I hate to come here unexpectedly like this on someone of your worldliness, but the otherworldly is what you asked for, and it is by the queen's demand that I speak with the one in charge. There isn't a moment to lose."

Hakuto blinked stupidly.

"Sir?" inquired the Rabbit hastily but still quite gently and politely. "Sir, I know this is difficult, but I must insist that you gather your faculties enough to bring me to whomever is in charge. We're all late as it is."

"Mercury…" was all Hakuto could scrape from his throat.

"I certainly doubt that," remarked the Rabbit. "Your nerves shattering at my sight before you is natural enough for your people. Now please, I beg you!"

He held out his hands— paws— imploringly— impossibly. They were shaped like rabbit paws but they moved like human hands. Hakuto blinked, shut his eyes and opened them again.

Then with an impatient sigh, the Rabbit spun round on his powerful rabbit legs, and just like a stereotypical flustered old-fashioned English gentleman he looked around for someone else to help him. He looked up at the doors and saw the one that was Jupiter's office with his title high on the door. He nodded to himself promptly and bounded up to it flicking his tail like a deer as he landed. Then he cleared his throat and knocked on the door like it was the most natural thing in the world for him to do.

Hakuto stared. He might have continued staring in a sort of frozen hysteria as though it really was not a remarkable thing he was looking at. He was beginning to smile almost as listlessly as Mercury when she had the incentive to lift her sagging lips at all. He might have even laughed after the second round of knocking as the Rabbit tapped his foot with hasty impatience like Thumper's father. But when the Rabbit took his pocket watch out of his pocket, it suddenly all came crashing down on Hakuto like he was the one who had crashed through a window.

Without knowing exactly what he was doing except to put an end to what could not possibly be what it seemed to be, he made an attempt to grab that Rabbit by the ears. The Rabbit was too swift, just as much as a real rabbit should be. He may have let out a cry, but he did not look quite as surprised as he might have as though he really had been expecting Hakuto to act unhinged eventually. He even tucked away his pocket watch and took careful hold of his umbrella as he leapt back with such skill even if it was not one hundred percent graceful.

It was by far more graceful than Hakuto's lunge; for as he missed he found himself clumsily knocking into the door and onto his knees.

By the time he recovered from the humiliating and painful failure, Hakuto picked himself up and looked after the pattering feet going back towards the darkened window to his right.

At least he didn't go back to see Mercury, Hakuto caught himself thinking woozily.

Then he blinked with angry precision.

Mercury? This was somehow Mercury's fault is what this was!

He knocked on Jupiter's door himself now. Almost banging it, he at last was shouting at it.

"Jupiter! Sir! Please open this door. It's an absolute emergency!"

But Jupiter did not answer.

Of course the Rabbit had already knocked enough to prove he wasn't there. At least it would have proved it, if Hakuto had proved that the Rabbit was physically real. Of course, in wondering that, he could not prove if he himself had been knocking on the door or knocking on anything or even moving a hand. Maybe he was not even himself.

But no! It was no good thinking that!

Frantically Hakuto turned away trying to figure out what to do without pulling all his hair out in his panic. Then his eyes rested on the fire alarm.

He pulled up the safety block. Then he pulled down the lever.

The siren blared.

Hakuto stumbled back almost tripping down on himself, but he sighed in a growl of relief when he heard motion behind the painful wails of the alarm. People hurrying in their surprise and even a shout? The surreal feeling passed. This all would be solved now for certain!