CHAPTER 32

AT LEAST YOU'RE SAD IN PARIS

Davis was walking around the plane in her cocktail dress, feeling like everyone was completely inadequately dressed for the military and industrial vibe of the plane. She saw one of her annoying interns trying to start a conversation with Trent, and she remembered. She had a gossip for Dianna, but she couldn't find her anywhere.

She asked Nick if she was at the bathroom, and he answered that she got up when he was sleeping, but it was a while ago. Davis glanced around the plane, and noticed Jason wasn't anywhere to be seen, either.

She thought it was incredibly risky of them to just hook up during their flight, an also unfair to Natalie, because even though she could be very annoying, she was his official girlfriend, after all.

So as soon as the plane landed and they still weren't back, Davis waited close to the bathroom area, just to make sure that nobody saw or hear anything while they were… doing it. And she was also ready to give both of them disapproving looks.

The bathroom door opened and she turned, Jason was getting out of there.

"What the hell, Jason. You should know better. Both of you".

"What?" Jason asked, confused and annoyed.

"It's risky. And you have a girlfriend, Jace" Davis said, disapproving, while he stared at her, confused.

Suddenly the door to the gear room opened, and Dianna came out of there.

She glanced at Davis and then saw Jason, and quickly walked back to the main area of the plane, passing by the team guys.

Davis watched that and, looking very confused, turned back to Jason.

"What happened?"

Jason passed by her, to go to the gear room, murmuring, "Nothing that concerns you".

Davis had a feeling that what happened there was almost worse than what she thought they were doing in the first place.

Jason went to the hotel in a haze. There, he made a monumental effort and could focus on details of the op, but fortunately the guys were also great operators, because during their briefing with the CIA agents, Jason wasn't collaborating with many ideas at that point, as hard as he tried. He was relieved that Dianna wasn't at that briefing, because if she was, he wouldn't be able to concentrate. Ray noticed he was distracted, and he had an idea of why that was happening, so he searched for Jason around the hotel, finding him at one of the balconies. It was starting to get dark.

"Hey, man. Something bothering you?" Ray asked, walking to Jason.

"Just a lot of things happening, Ray. Nothing that concerns you" he stated, bitter, not turning to face Ray.

"Are any of these things about a fancy brunette we know?" he asked, teasing.

Jason turned to Ray. "Yes it's about Dianna. Why, is it a joke to you?", he said, annoyed.

"Calm down, Jace. Of course not. You know I'm a romantic guy at heart" Ray raised his hands, defensive.

Jason kept quiet, looking at the city and the illuminated Eiffel Tower, and Ray was feeling terrible.

"Look, man. I wanted to apologize to you about telling you about Dianna and Nick. I know that it was because of that, that you didn't believe her anymore. I feel terrible ever since, and I'm really sorry. If you want me to explain all of this to her, I will".

Jason slowly turned to face him. "Yeah, I was really angry at you when I found out the truth. But to be honest, you just told me what you saw, and nothing else. I don't know if I would have done the same thing if I was in your shoes, but I know that you were only watching my six". He placed his hand on Ray's shoulder, and Ray nodded.

Ray had his eyes filled with tears. "I was, man. I was. And I felt terrible because I also thought that about Dianna, you know? That she was with you both. I should have known better".

Jason sighed. "Yeah. I can't help you there, brother. Because the problem was not what you said, but that I believed the worst. I could have just given her the benefit of the doubt, and probably I would have realized where she was, but I didn't. And I don't know if she'd ever forgive me for that".

Ray nodded, leaning on the balcony next to Jason.

"Look. I feel terrible for what happened, so I really want to help. And in that case, I can offer you only one advice, as a happily married man, because believe me, that were many, many serious fights between me and Naima".

Jason came closer, interested, because he and Alana never really fought that much, or had serious fights, and maybe that was the issue. They didn't try enough, or just knew that their problems had no solution, unless Jason left Bravo Team. "Tell me".

Ray looked down. "You can't change who you are, in the essence, Jace. You can try to change a few things you do, but not who you are. I know, and you know, that you are a romantic guy, and that you really like her, and you really wanted to believe her. But something stopped you. And I know, for a fact, that it wasn't because you thought ill of her. So the advice I give is the one that everyone knows: be yourself. But most importantly, tell her about yourself, and admit what really happened, and your flaws, if necessary. Don't promise impossible things, but you can work on them. You screwed up, but I think it's important that she knows why you screwed up".

Jason swallowed, because he actually understood what Ray meant.

"Well, that was good advice, man. Maybe you should start a blog or something" Jason said, looking at Ray with admiration.

"Jesus, brother, they don't even call it 'blog' anymore", Ray teased, even though he was only a few years younger than Jason.

Jason chuckled, finally relaxing a bit. "How do they call it then?"

Ray thought for a while. "I don't know, man. Ask Clay".

After the talk Jason had with Ray, he felt he still needed to discuss some things with Dianna. Just like on their first fight, in Mongolia, she had a tendency of talking a lot and storming out, or tell him to fuck off, and he used the time apart to think about the things she said.

At first he felt sorry for himself, then he hated himself, then he continued to hate himself, but he could also calm himself.

And even though he knew that Dianna was right about a lot of things, she was wrong about at least one of them. He did feel the same way that she felt about him.

So after the briefing with the CIA agents, Jason looked around the hotel and the Command room for her, but she was nowhere to be found. He ran into Nick, who was looking extremely melancholic.

"Hey man. Have you seen Dianna?" Jason had to ask him, because if he didn't know, he'd have to talk to Davis, and he wasn't in a mood.

Nick stared at him, for a couple of seconds, then he raised his shoulders.

"She said she wanted to go to dinner alone. So she went alone".

Jason liked that answer, but it also meant that she wanted to be left alone. But unfortunately for her, that wasn't an option.

"Do you know where she is?"

Nick pouted. "Well, there were a couple of places on my list that she was excited the most, earlier. Probably she went to one of them".

"Can you tell me the names of those places?" Jason asked, humbly.

Dianna was sitting at a small round table of the fancy restaurant, at an outdoor roofless patio, that had an amazing view of the Eiffel Tower, all illuminated, and she could actually feel the stares from the other customers around her. She was in a really romantic place, in a really romantic city, sitting alone for an hour, and drinking champagne alone. She knew she wanted to take that night to really feel sorry for herself, but as they say, 'if you're going to be sad, you might as well be sad in Paris'.

She'd never miss the opportunity to enjoy the free time and indulge herself with some champagne and duck confit while looking at the Eiffel Tower. She just wished that the waiters and other customers stopped staring and whispering about her. They kept feeling sorry for her, because she was stood up. And when she ordered the main course, one of the older ladies there said that she was kind of pathetic. A younger woman from another table at least commented that she thought it was really feminist of her to go there alone. Obviously, they weren't whispering as low as they thought, and she was regretting the fact that she spoke french.

She was starting to savor her duck, when she spilled a bit of the sauce on the table. She quickly looked down to see if the sauce had ruined her burgundy dress. She changed to a different dress and let her hair down because she was definitely taking pictures later, holding a glass of champagne and smiling at the camera, with the Tower behind her, so everyone on Instagram would know how happy she was in Paris. If the influencers can do it, so could she.

She looked up after, relieved, she confirmed that her dress was alright, when she saw Jason walking to her table, quite fast, still looking hot as fuck in his dark blue outfit.

She was alarmed and sad, and she didn't know if she should tell him to get out or if she should leave. But her duck was delicious, so she asked him to leave her alone.

"Please Jason, I don't want to talk to you right now. Just give me some space".

But he gave her no such thing, and grabbed the chair in front of her and put it right next to her, sitting down, determined. He wasted no time, afraid that she'd leave. He even ignored the amazing smell of the duck in front of him and just blurted everything.

"You were right about almost everything that I thought when you left, but not the reason for it, Dianna. I never thought you were a slut or a bitch or whatever, even though, yes, I thought you were playing with my feelings and manipulating me". He sighed, and she was holding her breath and paralyzed.

"What I thought is that you didn't want me, that I wasn't enough for what you wanted or needed, or whatever. You may not know that yet, but I despise myself sometimes, and blame myself, a lot, especially since Alana filed for divorce and then died. So I felt rejected, and I decided to forget about you because I had never been rejected before, Dianna. I just felt the humiliation and nothing else. I couldn't conclude anything reasonably, like Davis, because I wasn't thinking straight. I chose to hate you, but because I couldn't think of anything else to do".

Dianna was blinking and breathing heavily, but still angry at him "But still, you didn't believe in me".

"No. I didn't." Jason stated, relentless, and Dianna's expression was of hurt again. But he continued, "Like I said, I don't really like a lot of things about myself, so I truly felt that you could easily not want me". He swallowed, because it was hard for him to admit that, he felt extremely vulnerable. Dianna also swallowed, because she noticed that he felt guilty sometimes and blamed himself, but not to that extend.

He continued, "Look, I need you to know that I do feel the same way about you as you feel about me. I trust you, and I would prove it to you, if you let me".

He took the rose gold ring off his pocket, and showed it to Dianna, grabbing her hand over the table. She just stared, shocked, and heard the customers around them gasp, excited.

"I'm not asking you to forgive me or anything like that, now. But I need you to please, take this ring back, or I'd never be able to live with myself thinking of how much I hurt you".

Dianna shook her head, and the customers held their breaths. "You can't ask me to keep a ring that reminds me of you".

Jason swallowed, because he didn't want her to forget about him.

"Please. Seriously. Don't make the same mistake that I did. Don't let your pride get in the way. If you really and truly think that there's no way you could ever forgive me about what happened, then you can go, and I'll never speak of this at work". She looked away and started to stand up, but he kept holding her hand.

"But. If you feel, deep down, that there's a slightest chance that, someday, somehow, you could forgive me, that what we had was real enough to be worthy of that, please keep the ring" he asked, looking up, into her eyes, and holding the ring in front of his face.

Dianna stared, not saying anything. The customers and waiters, all of them, were silently waiting.

"The slightest chance, Dianna. Please. Just… be honest with yourself". He reiterated.

She had her eyes filled with tears, and after a few seconds, she shook her head and removed her hand from his, walking away.

Jason was paralyzed and felt his whole body hunch down, while he heard the customers around him mourning, especially the women. He exhaled, looking at the Eiffel Tower, and feeling sorry for himself. But at least he tried.

Suddenly, he heard the customers gasping and whispering, and he still had the ring in front of his face when Dianna bluntly grabbed the ring off his hand, not even looking at him, and walked away, fast.

Jason opened a wide, wide smile, while he turned and watched her quickly walking away in her cute dress.

Some customers cheered, one of them applauded, but all of them thought it was weird that the girl left with the ring, and that the guy was happy about it.

Jason was so happy that he even celebrated eating all the amazing duck that she left, and asked for another bottle of champagne to the waiter.

"Of course she didn't want to accept his proposal at first. The ring didn't even had a decent sized diamond on it", one of the female customers mocked, in french.

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