Chapter 13
"Because Jack. You were the one who locked the box."
He blinked. He was sure if that had been the case, he surely would've remembered it. His memories at this moment were an amalgamation of the boy's and his adult self. The horror of Anubis' torture only partially offset by the diner and Oma.
"Come again." He said in the end.
"I'll explain." Merlin said. "But before I do, there's something we need to do." With that the man abruptly turned around and returned to the doorway. He looked back at Jack. "Coming?"
"Like I have a choice," he muttered under his breath. Followed the other man back into the maze of rooms and hallways. This time when they entered one of the bigger rooms a short while later he recognised it. Funny enough, there was no one else around and Jack wondered about it. Merlin went straight to the pool, pressing the hidden button that opened the stairway. He hurried down the stairs and after another furtive look around, Jack followed him.
The door closed behind him with barely a whisper, leaving them in darkness. Merlin said a word and light flared all along the bottom of the wall against the stairs.
"Shall we."
He followed the other man down the stairs and back into the room with the pedestals. This time Merlin went to the wall opposite the one pedestal, muttering to himself. Jack stood in the middle of the room unsure what to do next as Merlin focused on the wall in front of him. He reached out sideways, pressed a hidden pocket in the wall. Something shimmered and the wall seemed half-alive as it flowed like sand into hidden recesses in the floor that had opened up. What was left was a machine that looked suspiciously like a Wargames-movie military mainframe, complete with all those blinking lights.
A huge machine with buttons and lights.
"What is that?" He asked, eyeing the contraption.
"It allows us to see into time." Merlin stated confidently. His fingers were flying over the buttons, the blinking lights were changing colours until it seemed to all synchronise, flashing in tandem.
"Why?"
Merlin didn't answer him. Instead, something changed around him. The air seemed to get hazy, small little balls of light dancing in the air. He reached out a hand, tried to touch one but they were insubstantial. Nothing more than reflections. He looked up but the ceiling was the same as ever. He couldn't see where the light was coming from. Merlin motioned to him. "Do you mind?"
"Oh." It felt strangely familiar. Carter or Daniel had done this to him before whenever they found something excited on a mission. The one where he kinda felt like a third wheel while those two gushed over whatever artefacts it was. He and Teal'c usually just bystanders to their passion.
He stepped away from the swirling mass of lights. He missed his step, stumbling into one of the grooves cut into the floor. He stumbled, reaching out a hand. Managed to grab onto the pedestal. He half-fell onto the main console, his hand pressed against the buttons.
He was aware of Merlin shouting, rushing forward.
The sting of the hidden needle.
Seriously. He thought. Again.
He slid down the pedestal. Sat down against it as darkness loomed. He closed his eyes against the dizzy array of flashing light. Somewhere something boomed in the distance. A clash of sound followed by white light searing the insides of his eyeballs.
"You stupid, idiotic…" The words of Merlin got lost in the cacophony of light and sound.
And then there was blessed silence. His ears were still adjusting to the lack of sound but he swore he heard an intake of shock.
"Jack?"
He opened his eyes. Samantha Carter was crouched on the floor, next to Daniel who held a stone tablet in his hands and standing over them was Teal'c. Staff weapon in his hands and ready to defend.
"Oh. Hey guys." He said as Merlin entered the tableau, very clearly upset. He had his hands in his hair. Eyes that couldn't seem to settle, moving between Jack and the rest of the team. With a growl, he reached down, pulling Jack up by the front of his tunic from the floor where he was seated.
"You…" Merlin spluttered. His face seemed to redden as he shook Jack. Jack heard the whine of a staff weapon as it slid open. Merlin froze as Jack grinned. Looked behind the man to see Teal'c and gave him a little wave with his fingers. Focused on Merlin who seemed to let him go with nerveless fingers. He smoothed the tunic down, sidestepping the older man.
"Jack, what's going on?" Daniel asked. The machine against the wall was sparking, smoke curling upwards. The scent acrid in the confines of the underground room. Jack glanced at Merlin.
"You know Daniel, when I tell you not to press buttons…" he said. "Next time choose to ignore me."
"So, you're you?" Sam asked him. They were seated outside the room on the stairs while Daniel was comparing notes with the updated script. Teal'c was standing at the entrance of the hallway that led to the big room where the pedestals and still smoking machine were. Merlin had pushed them out, muttering about the space-time continuum that he pretended to understand but failed to. Carter had started to explain and he had shushed her.
The all-important question he had asked Merlin was whether they could all still get back. Merlin hadn't bothered to answer him. For some reason the man still seemed angry at what he'd done. Somehow, he had no idea why but the image of Oma smiling seemed to settle in his head. He wondered if she had anything to do with it.
He winched. "Yeah. Mostly."
She frowned at that. "What do you mean, mostly?"
He tapped his temple. "Memories are a bit jumbled in here, Carter. I remember Anubis and his fun toys and at the same time I remember Oma teaching me how to throw fireballs."
"Really, Jack." Daniel said, without turning around. "The ancients don't throw fireballs."
"How would you know?" He murmured but left it there. Sam suddenly looked uncomfortable. "Uh, so you remember…"
"…kissing you. Yup." He grinned.
"Oh."
He shouldered her lightly. Ignoring the look that Teal'c sent his way or the abrupt way Daniel had turned from the wall to stare at him. He raised an eyebrow at Daniel. "What?"
"Uh Jack, are you sure you're you?"
He sighed. Leaned forward, elbows on his knees and wiped his face before dropping his hands. He stared moodily at the hallway that beckoned just past Teal'c. It felt good to know that he wasn't alone in this, whatever this was. He was confused as hell if he was completely honest. He wasn't sure where this was going and he really didn't trust Merlin. Nope. Not one itty little bit. The man was too squirrely.
Daniel glanced down the hallway. Took a step in his direction. "Well, I finished the translation." He said, indicating the wall.
"Oh?" He sat up straighter.
Daniel was hesitant. He had known the man for a while now. Enough to know that it was never a good sign. Daniel was jittery. He knew it was trouble when the man started to pace.
"Daniel." He said exasperated, finally having reached his limit after the fourth circuit. Daniel came to an abrupt stop. Hands on his hips, he stared at Jack, clearly mulling things over.
"The prophecy, it's real, isn't it." Daniel swiped out a hand to indicate the wall. "All of this…you knew. Even before you stepped up to that console."
"Maybe." He made a face. "You know how I feel about these things, Daniel."
"Uh-huh." Daniel did a 180. Ran his hands through his hair. "What do they want from you, Jack?"
"Who?"
Daniel gave a frustrated sigh. He stepped to the wall. Pressed his finger against one of the symbols. "This talks about a great evil. Look at the sign for it, Jack?"
"The squiggly bit?" Jack asked. Ignoring the symbol, even if it was as clear as day what it formed. No matter that he could see it. Was drawn to it. Daniel sneered. Slammed a fist into the wall.
"Daniel, maybe we shouldn't be doing this right now." Carter was as ever trying to play diplomat. She rose. She stepped up to him. A hand on his arm. Comforting the archaeologist. Somehow managing to bring him from whatever it was that the man was reliving. Jack was annoyed. He was rapidly revising his previous thought that having them here was good. Clearly the last few months hadn't been kind to his team either.
For the first time he took a good look. At the tiredness that even Teal'c was showing. At Carter's haunted look and Daniel's anger. He looked away. At the stairs and wondered if it would help any of them if he just up and left.
Daniel took a deep breath. Shoulders that were tense, were relaxing under Carter's attention. "I'm sorry." He apologised. Couldn't seem to meet Jack's gaze. Patted Carter's hand that was still on his arm. Stepped away from her. He picked up the stone tablet and walked away. Down the hallway, back to the room where Merlin was tinkering away, trying to fix his time-seeing machine. Jack sighed.
"It hadn't been easy for him." Sam said softly. Teal'c seemed to read something in her for he turned and walked after Daniel and suddenly he was alone with her. He stood. Couldn't stand to sit anymore.
"It was hard, Jack." She said in the end. "Not knowing what was happening to you."
He sneered. Couldn't help it. Memories that he didn't want to relive surged to the front. He closed his eyes briefly. Willing them to disappear. Wished with all his heart that he didn't remember.
"I'm sorry." She said. Hesitant, she stepped closer to him. He met her gaze. Held it.
"It was the only way, Carter. He wanted to kill you." He wasn't sure if it was the thought of her death or his whole team that had brought his desperation forward on that day with Anubis when he had agreed to do what the half-ascended being wanted. "I couldn't watch anymore." He finally said. Turned away from her and stepped up to the wall. His hand traced the symbol Daniel had indicated.
"I know."
There was a tiredness to her voice when she said it. He turned. She looked forlorn. Lost, her eyes focused on the past. "We…" She trailed off. Hands pushed into the pockets of her pants as she rolled on her feet. A familiar look on her face as she contemplated the facts before her.
"You never gave us a choice." She said in the end.
"What was I supposed to do, Carter?" His voice rose in frustration. "Anubis knew which buttons to push. For crying out loud, he was waiting for us. For me." The last two words he whispered. He looked away from her. Swallowed. Slammed a hand onto the wall. It made her jump.
"It seems that this is one big cosmic joke." He said finally. "Well, I'm done playing."
"What happened, Jack?"
He looked up. Daniel had returned. Was leaning against the doorway, arms crossed but his voice was gentle. He gave a chuckle of derision.
"What do you expect, Daniel. Roses and kisses?"
"Dammit, Jack."
He threw up his hands. "What do you want me to say, Daniel."
"How about the truth?"
He narrowed his eyes. "Which version?" It was nasty. He knew it. But he was frustrated. Angry.
"Okay." Daniel pushed away from the wall. "What is it that Oma did?"
How the hell is he going to explain it?
He just didn't know. Couldn't find the words.
"Fine, Jack. Let's talk about the ancient device. The one Anubis used you for."
He just wasn't going to be able to get past this. Daniel is going to keep going. Pestering. Asking questions until he was satisfied.
"I don't know what it does." He said.
Liar.
It sounds suspiciously like the boy. He forced himself not to react to the voice in his head that felt like it was coming from right next to him. He wondered if he looked down, he'd see the boy. Which didn't make sense because the boy was him. Right.
He suddenly felt dizzy. Reached out and put a hand against the wall to steady him.
"Jack, you okay?" It was Carter. He could hear the concern in her voice and when he finally managed to focus, she was standing in front of him. A familiar frown on her face as she scanned him up and down.
"I'm fine." He managed, pushing away from the wall.
Daniel opened his mouth, about to something else probably profound in the line off the ancient device when Merlin stepped past the archaeologist, Teal'c in tow.
"What a bloody mess. They shouldn't be here, Jack. It wasn't the plan."
"Sorry." He said insincerely while shrugging his shoulders. Not looking at Daniel or Sam. "Now what?"
"They can't be seen in that." Merlin said, indicating the clothes the others were dressed in. "And I'm not even sure what we're going to do about the Jaffa."
"Where is ole Apophis by the way?" Jack asked casually. "Saw Ba'al when I had to do the old - kneel before your god - that Anubis seemed to like."
"He's with Ra." Merlin said succinctly. "On earth."
"Ah. Good to know. No chance he's going to come swinging this way?"
"No." Merlin had his hands on his hips, glaring at Jack. "He has to stay down here." He said, indicating Teal'c.
"Ever heard of a hat." Jack replied. "Goes on his head. Covers the tattoo. I saw a few of the fellows where that frumpy hat thingy."
Merlin grumbled. Clearly not happy but unable to refute Jack's suggestion. He started up the stairs, pushing past Jack and Sam. Jack followed, his team behind him. The room was still surprisingly empty when Merlin opened it and Jack wondered about the significance of the room.
"Wait here." Merlin said to them. He hurried off somewhere, disappearing into one of the doorways opposite from where they exited. Sam stayed by his side while Daniel turned to look at the walls. Teal'c was as ever vigilant.
The silence stretched. Was awkward. He stepped away from them. Tried to distance himself back to being their leader. Back to making decisions but he wasn't even sure of his role in the team right at this moment. Of how much he was compromised by what he had experienced these last few months. Daniel had moved off, and was studying one of the walls that seemed to be covered in writing. Studiously ignoring all of them and pointedly Jack. He cleared his throat.
"I'm not sure what to call you now." Sam said. She wasn't looking at him. Her gaze focused on Daniel who was silently pretending to read some of the hieroglyphics on the wall. Jack wasn't fooled.
"Jack is fine." He said in the end. He felt restless. Too many memories were vying for attention. He closed his eyes briefly. Willed it back to the ether. He reached out, his fingers slipping around her arm. A gentle touch that drew her attention and she looked up and met his gaze. He pulled his hand away. Sighed.
"These last few months…" he grimaced. "Let's just say I'm glad you're here."
She nodded. Gave him a quick smile. She tried to lighten the mood by asking, "When are we?"
"Good question." He said. Trying to match her tone. "The height of Anubis' power, I think. Before he ascended. Apparently I locked a box he wants me to open."
"What box?"
Daniel was watching Jack with interest. He indicated with his hands. "A grey box about this big. Anubis is desperate to get it open."
"The ancient device looked different." Daniel said, frowning. "It was smaller. Black."
Jack suppressed a shudder. That was an experience he didn't want to repeat itself. "Not the same box, Daniel."
"You still haven't answered my question, Jack."
Clearly Daniel wasn't willing to let it go. "I don't know, okay, Daniel. Anubis thought it would change me. He was very disappointed when I didn't immediately become his obedient slave. You want a blow-by-blow version?" He turned away from Daniel and Sam. Daniel reached out, grabbed his wrist.
"This box…Anubis wanted you to open it only after you used the ancient device."
"I didn't agree to anything." He turned, drew a hand through his hair. He didn't meet their eyes though.
"Daniel…" Sam's voice was a quiet petition to the archaeologist.
"No, Jack. I clearly remember you staying behind. Willingly. Watching us as his Jackal guard practically dragged us to the stargate and threw us in."
"Do you think these last few months were fun!" His voice raised.
"You know what? Why won't you tell us?" Daniel's voice matched his. "Not once so far, Jack have you asked us what we've been doing all this time. We couldn't come back through the stargate."
"It's not a democracy, Daniel. When are you going to understand that? It's my responsibility to make sure you get home. Mine. Not yours."
"Oh. Sorry. Forgot for a moment your hero complex."
"Dammit, Daniel." Anger was stirring. Just underneath but he couldn't afford to let it go. Now was not the time and place for this. Merlin stepped into the room, his arms full of shoes and tunics.
"I did the best…" his voice trailed to an end as he seemed to suddenly become aware of the tension in the room. He slowed down.
"I told you." He turned to Jack. "They shouldn't be here. You're not focused."
"Oh please." Jack said as Merlin thrust the clothes at Carter. "You're the one that brought me here." Daniel made a noise in the back of his throat. "Why is that?"
"Get dressed." Merlin ignored Jack as he commanded the others. Sam gave out the shoes and tunics, looking around for a place to change. Merlin finally seemed to realise the conundrum, indicating to her to follow him. Jack took a step, intent not to leave her alone with the man but Merlin waved him back. Told him that they'll be back shortly and that the other two should get dressed while they are gone.
He wasn't happy but at a nod from Carter he let it go. She could look after herself if Merlin tried anything. He convinced himself that she'd be perfectly fine while behind him the other two got busy changing. It wasn't long before everyone was ready and Merlin returned with Carter in a shapeless tunic, a belt cinched at her waist the only difference between her and the men. They followed Merlin and he led them back to the common room. A lot of the other pilgrims seem to be back, seated on mats around the room. They made for the same corner where he and Merlin had slept last night and sat down, facing each other. Merlin pulled out some more flat bread and fruit and they had a quick lunch. The silence was awkward as they ate.
When they were done, Merlin opened a rolled parchment on the floor between them. On it was edged a detailed map of the temple. Jack wisely chose to say nothing when a literal x marked the spot where Merlin wanted them to go.
"Why?" he asked, indicating the small private room that was situated where Anubis' heavily guarded quarters were.
"I told you, Jack."
He shook his head. "No. You said I locked the box. Nothing about when or how or why."
"Uh Jack."
He turned his head, looking at Daniel. "What?"
"I think the more important question – What is so special about this box?"
"He said something about letting evil out of the box." Jack looked pointedly at Merlin. "The whispers…" He stopped himself but it was too late. Daniel narrowed his eyes. Laser focused on Jack. He felt uncomfortable and tried to not let it show. Put on an air of indifference.
"Jaaack."
"Daniel?"
"Want to explain the whispers?"
"Not particularly, no."
"Sir?"
"The prophecy on the mural…you understood it, didn't you." Daniel persisted.
"Oh, for crying out loud, Daniel. Let it go."
"There is a legend amongst the Jaffa about the hidden people that live in the mist. That only those touched by the ancients could hear them."
All of them turned to look at Teal'c who had calmly stated the words. Jack closed his eyes very briefly. There was definitely mist involved with the whispers. Great big whiteout where they were concerned. It didn't matter whether it was in his dreams or the erie basin that now seemed to actually exist. But he remembers them at their most vocal when tendrils of mist would flow unheeded over the ground or water.
"I'm not crazy." He said and then he didn't know why he said it. Carter and Daniel looked at him with concern, Merlin didn't seem to care and Teal'c as ever was stoic.
"We never said you were, Jack." Daniel said softly. Seemed to suddenly understand that Jack might be willing to share. Not that he felt he had a choice. In his head he saw the boy smirk.
Stop it.
Why should I?
It was definitely the boy. Different somehow but still with his own cocky voice. He wondered how long it was going to be before the whispers started up again.
"How long…?" Daniel's voice brought him back from his internal dialogue, drawing his attention to the present.
He sighed. Looked at his hands that were fumbling with the corner of the mat he was sitting on. "Ever since the ancient device."
Daniel cleared his throat. "Uh, do they say anything in particular?"
He debated his options. Whether it would be worth it in the end to not say anything. He pulled on a thread. Watched as it unravelled a part of the corner. He pulled, mesmerised by the action of the thread. Much like his life is unravelling at a rapid pace ever since they got ambushed on this crappy planet.
"Something about being the chosen one." He ended up saying. "Look, it doesn't mean anything,"
"What else did the ancient device do, Jack?" He had to give it to Daniel. His persistence was at times frustrating. Now it was unwelcome as the memories surged to the front, reminding him of his time with Anubis and his Jaffa guards. He debated his choices. There weren't a lot.
"I can heal myself." He said. "Before…not sure now." The boy's voice that suspiciously sounded like his own piped up inside his head.
Nothing's changed in that regard, Jack.
Dammit. So much for bringing everything back together. It seems he was still split apart somehow.
"Who did you talk to when we were at Jacob's house?" Daniel asked with sudden insight. "Was it the whispers…"
He lifted a hand. Forestalled Daniel. Might as well come clean. "No."
"You were definitely talking to someone, Jack."
Just tell him, Jack.
Why?
Soon you won't be able to hide me.
What?
"Jack?"
He stared at Daniel. Not sure what he was going to say. He was confused. He was certain about what Oma had done. Had clear memories of the diner and Oma and what he had seen and done as the boy. How he had healed his body, when he was dying. At the same time his memories consisted of Anubis and he oh so very creative ways he could come up with to torture him. In more ways than one. Even when he was dreaming.
He couldn't focus on one set. Couldn't seem to pull apart what seemed real or not. Both memories apart yet the same.
Who are you? He asked.
I told you. The boy was laughing. It bubbled in his head but he didn't feel any comfort. A memory surfaced. Of laughter on the wind that whistled past his body, dark and sinister. Of hands reaching out for him.
"Become us…"
He suddenly felt nauseous.
Close. But not me.
He ignored everyone.
"I don't understand." He whispered. Unaware that he was saying it out loud. Something inside him wasn't right. The machine …it hadn't worked as it said. He was still split except it was now all in his head. He wondered if that is what Daniel felt like when he experienced the hallucinations brought on by Ma'chello's device.
He was certain they'd end up putting him in a nice little padded cell when he finally made it home. He jerked at another stray thread. Watched as the corner unravelled a bit more. Sam placed a hand over his. Stilling his actions.
"Jack?" She said softly. Changing tact. "What Daniel read. How much of that is true."
He shrugged his shoulders. He noticed Merlin's eyes on him. The insight and knowledge he saw behind them was disconcerting. It drew his attention. "I think you owe us an explanation." He said to the older man.
He didn't like the secret smile that came and went briefly on Merlin's face.
"That was before you decided to break the rules and bring your team here."
"It's not like I did it deliberately." He complained. "It was an accident."
"More like Oma." Merlin stated cryptically. The older man looked up and murmured. "I know you're there."
"What do you mean break the rules?" Daniel again, asking questions that Jack was also interested to know.
"The agreement was Jack. No-one else."
"Hey. Do I actually get a say." He piped up. He leaned forward, placed a hand on the map. Merlin wasn't intimidated.
"The day you stepped up to the ancient device, you signed away free will." Merlin said clearly.
"What?"
"What did Anubis say, Jack? Do you remember the condition for using the ancient device."
Jack didn't even glance Daniel's way as he answered Merlin's question. "I had no choice. You know that."
"The device can only be used on a willing host, Jack."
He blanched at the word. Swallowed against a sudden dry throat.
Aaand…the penny drops. The boy seemed pleased at the revelation. He blinked. Oma had never said anything about this to him. Never even hinted at it.
…Innocence protects…
He closed his eyes. Her words. He wondered what else she hadn't told him. What else were the Other's hiding? How much their non-interference really stretched on the lower plains. Or only when convenient.
"What do you mean host?" He quietly asked Merlin.
"Do you remember what happened when you stepped up to the ancient device, Jack?"
He shook his head. Images and words and feelings he didn't want to relive vied for attention.
"Oh, come on, Jack. I know you do."
"No!" He rose. A few heads around the common room came up. Looked their way with mild interest. He stepped over the map and then exited the room. His footsteps sounded loud to his ears in the hallway. He pushed forward, shouldering his way past another group of pilgrims that were making their way back to the common room. Somehow he made it back outside. He didn't stop when he saw the basin.
He kept walking. He needed to settle himself. Settle his seething thoughts. Everything was wrong. This was wrong. The prophecy on the wall was one big load of crap. He was the poor sap shovelling it in the hope that there is some purpose in his torture at Anubis' hands. That the whole point of stepping up and saving his team would be so that he could find a way to save himself.
All because of a damn box that he apparently locked. That contained evil. Well, he wasn't so sure anymore about that because he sure as hell had experienced enough of evil right here. And he would've known if he was a host. Glowing eyes and eery voices would've been a clue.
Interesting.
He stopped. The boy seemed truly baffled by his anger. He stood under the sun, his back to the temple. Fingers that weren't real curled around his hand. Tugged.
His shoulders slumped.
"I thought you're me." He said in the end, to the open air that surrounded him.
Sometimes.
The tugging was getting more persistent. He took a step. Then another. They were walking to the mountains. Away from the temple and the ha'tak and Anubis.
Chosen one.
The words were a sibilant hiss on the air. He stopped again. Half turned to the temple. It wasn't more than three miles now to turn and go back. His team was there. The map. Merlin. The box. Somehow he instinctively knew what he'd done. Could see his fingers press on symbols on the box. Watch the lights flare and then grow cold.
He abruptly sat down. This was just too much. He didn't want to do it anymore. Wasn't in the mood to deal with his own doubt, fear and memories. If only he could truly just forget. Started to speak ancient and built a doohickie that would magically transform him to who he was, without the added baggage of invisible voices that seemed to be coming back.
Laughter danced in the wind that surrounded him. The air was becoming hazy. He pressed his head down into his knees that he brought up. A hand caressed his hair. Fingers flowing effortlessly through his strands.
It didn't bring comfort.
Another hand flowed around his shoulders.
He shuddered. He fisted hands. Tried to calm his breathing.
The whispers that had been silent until now, started again. It was different though. Their instructions are clear. When he heard what they had to say, he shook his head in denial.
You have no choice, chosen one.
He opened his eyes. The air coalesced in front of him. Alive, a swirling mass of low hanging cloud that enveloped him. He could feel the clammy cold of the droplets on his skin. He shivered.
"Jack."
He squinted. It was hard to see in the whiteout before him. Something seemed to be coming for him. Ethereal. It was forming in the mist. He rose. He was sure he didn't want to be sitting down for this. A form started to take solid form, stepping closer. He swallowed his fear. He didn't want this.
"It's not like I had a choice." He said in the end. "It was that or watching my team die."
"Your sacrifice is noted."
The words hung in the air. Surrounded him. The shadowy form took another step closer. He wanted to turn and run but he somehow knew that wasn't going to happen. He turned on the spot towards where he thought the temple was. Everything was hazy. He could barely see his hands in front of his face.
"Jack."
He shuddered at the voice.
You have no choice.
"I don't want to." He said to the air. The boy. The whispers.
"Jack."
He turned. He wasn't alone anymore.