Lucas kissed the top of Vannah's head as he prepared to leave for work on Monday. "I love you. Please don't burn down the house."
She giggled, in a much better mood today. "I'll try but good thing I have a fireman for a dad."
"Do I get to taste test for you when I get home?"
"Yep. I'll have three different things for you to taste. I just need to know which you think are the best ones."
"And the extras?"
"You can take them to give to the guys at work."
"Perfect. Call me if you need me."
"I will."
Lucas walked into the station about twenty minutes later and headed up to the kitchen. "Happy Monday, everyone."
"Yo, Cappy," Joseph said, with a mock salute.
"Yo, Canfield. Anything I need to be briefed on from over the weekend?"
"No. It was pretty quiet."
He looked around the kitchen. There were about six other guys eating breakfast. "Anyone hear from Elizabeth Grant lately?" They all said no.
"You haven't been in touch?" Jesse Flynn asked, surprised.
"No." He felt guilty about that. It was understood between all the guys, brothers, that if something happened to one of them, the others would make sure their family was cared for. They had done that with the fundraiser but he had stepped back after that. She seemed so uncomfortable around him and the other guys so eventually, he stopped texting her to see how she was.
He still had her number and he was about to text her when the alarm went off signaling an emergency. Needless to say, that text was forgotten.
He finally rested when he crawled into bed that night, exhausted and sore from the day. Was he too old to be fighting fires? He was 46 after all. He wasn't the young kid he had been when he was hired on.
Then he remembered that he had cookies waiting for him. "I'll eat them for breakfast," he told himself before dropping off to sleep.
"So what did you think?" Vannah asked the next morning.
"I'm sorry, sweetie. I didn't get to try them. I will now though. Good with my coffee."
She looked so disappointed as he grabbed one of each and his mug and headed to the door.
"Van, don't look at me like that."
"I'm sorry. I just really wanted to know what you thought. Its okay."
He had a couple minutes to spare. He sat down at the counter and bit into the one that appeared to be oatmeal chocolate chip.
"Soft and chewy," he mumbled, eating every bite. "Yum."
The next one was a snickerdoodle. Those had always been his favorite that her mom had baked. "So good, honey."
He took a sip of coffee and picked up the third. "Gingerbread?"
"Yep."
"Oh my…how am I supposed to choose?"
"You have to," she told him, kissing his cheek. "Take them to the station. Will you take a poll?"
He smiled and stood up to hug her. "Snickerdoodles, I think."
"Thanks, Daddy."
"I'll let you know what the guys and Fi say."
When he got to the station, everyone was in the bay, talking around the new truck. "He already does the job. He'd be the best one for it," he heard Joseph say.
"Who does what?" Lucas asked, stepping up.
"You. You already do the job of the Chief. Now that Gowen's time is up here, we need a permanent Chief. It should be you."
"Guys and Fiona, I appreciate that. I just already struggle with having time with Vannah. I'm not sure how I would handle the new job and her."
Although, technically, the job was safer than Captain. He wouldn't be expected to fight every fire. He would coordinate things, make sure everything and everyone was in tip top condition. He would be at the scene but just to oversee things unless an emergency escalated. He would also oversee the training of the staff.
"I'll think about it. In the meantime, I have cookies!"
……
Elizabeth was on the couch, her laptop in front of her as she chatted on FaceTime with Marley and Ivy.
"I told Allie I would think about it. You three can go even if I don't."
"Mom, it would be nice to see Uncle Lucas, wouldn't it?" Marley asked.
Lucas. Nathan's best friend. It was just so hard.
"Mom?"
"Girls, I just feel like I would be moving backward instead of forward if I went."
"We miss him too," Ivy told her. "But the fundraiser is for a great cause, and I feel like they helped us so much when Daddy died. We need to help them."
"We would be right beside you," Marley said. "We wouldn't leave you alone."
"Promise?"
"Yes," they said in unison. "Promise."
"Alright. The four of us will go." Allie sat down on the couch too.
"Hey," she said, waving to the girls that were the same as little sisters in her book.
"Hi, Al! Did you figure out what classes you are taking?"
"Yeah. I needed to talk to Aunt Beth about it."
"Okay, well, we will see you at the fundraiser. Love you."
They all waved bye and then it was just Elizabeth and Allie.
"So, I'm curious to find out what you decided."
"I need to complete three more semesters to get my Bachelor's in Elementary Education. "
"Elementary Education?"
"Yes. I want to be a teacher like you. You have so much patience and you are so smart and independent. I want to be that too."
"Oh, honey. That is so sweet. I know you will be great at that."
"Thanks. Think you can put up with me for that long?"
"Funny." Elizabeth kissed her temple and sat there with her, listening to her newfound plans for the future. She had faith that she would do every single one of them.
…..
The next weekend….
Elizabeth was nervous and uncomfortable but the girls assured her that everything would be fine. Allie even drove them to the station and linked arms with Elizabeth.
"Uncle Lucas!" the twins yelled, running over to the familiar figure standing by the shiny red fire truck.
"Oh wow. He's cute," Allie said, elbowing Elizabeth.
"Allie Grant, he is old enough to be your father and you call him Uncle. How is that appropriate?"
"It was a joke, Aunt Beth, but you can't deny those biceps and he's not really my uncle. I mean…."
"Oh my goodness," Elizabeth laughed. Her eyes traveled from his shiny head of dark hair to his strong shoulders and yeah…those biceps. Thanks to Allie, her eyes were glued to the man as if she had never seen anyone so good looking.
"Elizabeth," Lucas said, walking over and pulling her into a hug with those strong shoulders and biceps of his.
"Hi, Lucas."
"I was just thinking about you the other day. How are you?"
"Just fine, thank you."
Allie, Marley and Ivy all watched from nearby, giving each other glances and raised eyebrows.
"What's new?" Lucas asked.
"Nothing really. You?"
Elizabeth knew she was being closed off. It was so awkward to see him again. So strange to be at the station and Nathan wasn't there.
"I'm sorry. I need to go….somewhere else…"
Lucas watched her walk away. He would have followed her but it was time for him to address the crowd and thank them for coming.
Elizabeth sat down at the side wall of the station, her back against the wall, tears welling up in her eyes.
Her three girls joined her, staying close like they promised.
"I told you this wasn't a good idea," she told them. "I can't do this without your father."
"Why, Mom? What are you struggling with?" Ivy wondered.
"He's supposed to be here. Your dad belonged here. Now that he isn't, I don't feel right acting like I'm a part of this life anymore."
"This isn't anything but a fundraiser for people that lost someone, like we did," Marley told her. "But, you can go home if you need to. We can catch a ride with someone else."
Allie handed her the keys and they all stood up.
"I'm sorry, girls."
She walked toward the street and down the sidewalk. They had to park a few blocks away because of the crowd.
"Elizabeth!" Lucas called from behind her.
She closed her eyes and stopped walking. He caught up fast. The man had long legs.
"Lucas."
"Are you alright?"
"I'm fine."
"You won't look me in the eye."
"I…this is hard for me."
"Because of Nathan?"
"Yes."
"I'm sorry that I stopped texting you after. I got the feeling that you didn't want me to anymore."
"You were his best friend," she told him. Apparently, that was supposed to explain everything.
"Yes, I was. He was very important to me."
"This place," she said, looking up at the station. "All of you guys that knew him. It just hurt so much to come here and to think about him not being here anymore."
"And now?"
"Its like there's a hole here. He's missing and he always will be."
"Mrs. Grant?" a young firefighter said, walking up. "Mrs. Grant? I'm Jesse Flynn. I'm a paramedic and firefighter. I knew your husband and its an honor to meet you, ma'am."
"Jesse Flynn. Yes, I think I remember Nathan talking about you."
"He was a great man and a hero," Jesse said, shaking her hand. "I hope you have a good day and thank you so much for supporting the station and the cause."
Elizabeth blushed at his praise and watched him walk away. Then another man walked up.
"Mrs. Grant? I'm Lieutenant Canfield, ma'am. Thank you for coming out today. I started after Chief Grant passed away but I've heard only good things."
"Thank you, Lieutenant."
"You're welcome. Have you tried any of Vannah's cookies?"
"Vannah? Your daughter?" she asked Lucas.
"Yeah. She made brownies and snickerdoodles to sell."
"That was sweet of her."
"She's staying with me this summer and decided she needed something to do while I was working."
"Where is she other times?" she asked, not sure why she was curious.
"With her mother in Boulder. We have shared custody."
Elizabeth nodded. Joseph left them and headed back to the station.
"What did Jesse mean? Nathan was a hero?"
"Yes. He's right."
"What do you mean?"
"I don't want to bring up what happened that day if you might not be ready to hear it."
"Might as well tell me. Its never going to be easy hearing the details, I'm afraid."
A man in a wheelchair rolled up then, a beautiful blonde woman pushing him down the sidewalk.
"Lee Coulter," Lucas said, crouching down to be eye level with him. "How are you doing, bro?"
Elizabeth knew that name. Nathan must have talked about him.
"I'm Rosemary," the blonde woman said, offering her hand to Elizabeth.
"Elizabeth Grant."
Lee looked up at her. "Elizabeth?"
"Yes. I'm sorry, your name sounds familiar too," she said. I'm just not sure why."
"I'm Lieutenant Coulter. I worked with Nathan."
"Oh! That's right. I remember him speaking of you."
"How are you doing, ma'am?"
"Being here….its hard today but…I'm doing okay."
"Its hard for me too. But these guys…this place. They are my home. And of course Rosemary," he said, patting her hand that was on his shoulder. "I can't stay away."
"May I ask what happened?" Elizabeth asked.
Lee looked at Lucas and then back to her. "She doesn't know?"
"I was just about to tell her."
"Nathan is a hero," Lee began. "If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be here. For that, I will be eternally grateful."
…..
Lucas walked down the sidewalk with Elizabeth a few moments later. "I'm surprised you didn't hear the news stories."
"I checked out after losing him. I didn't watch the news. I couldn't. I didn't talk to anyone but my girls."
Lucas nodded. He had been tempted to do the same but he was expected to be strong and to take care of the station since Nathan, his immediate superior, was gone. So he stepped up. He stayed strong and didn't allow himself to grieve for about a year.
"Did you see anyone? Therapist?"
"No." She knew that she should have but she was stubborn. She just tackled it alone.
"I did. I'm not ashamed to say that after pushing off my feelings for a year, I couldn't do it anymore. I had a day where it all just crushed me so I forced myself to talk to someone. They called it survivor's guilt."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, not only did he save Lee and get him out, but he saved me. I for some reason, escaped with a few broken ribs. Lee had a crushed spine. Nathan lost his life. I blamed myself."
"It wasn't your fault."
"That was something that I had to learn and accept. Just like you have to learn that even though Nathan isn't here physically, he will always be here," he told her, touching his heart. "You are family to us and your girls, as much as he was and always will be."
Those words stuck with her for days afterward. After Allie started work at the local bookstore and started classes. After Marley and Ivy went back to their normal lives near the college. That was when she made a decision that she had been putting off. She was going to sell her house. The house they had raised the girls in. It was too big for her and Allie. She could downsize and his memories would still be with her, even in a different location.