The beginning of some very silly chapters…also I have to get like 11 chapters out in less than a month which I don't know if I'll be able to do. If it doesn't work out I'll extend this act to the end of August, sorry about that!

Review!

Thunderfang205: Pretty similar to my summer haha. I mean, it's called summer vacation for a reason!

Song: California Girls by Katy Perry! I used to sing along to all her songs when I was little, turns out half of them are about…well, you know. Sigh…

Enjoy!

Chapter 107

William Afton, California Girl!

"Daaad! Evan's kicking my seat!"

"Am not!"

"Are too! You just did it again!"

"Are we there yet?"

"We just took off, Lizzy."

"Ohh."

"Evan! I swear to God if you kick my seat again, I'm ramming it up your nose!"

"Dad! Did you hear what Michael just said? Did you, Dad? Did you?"

William sighed, raking a hand through his messy black tufts. They were supposed to have a quiet flight to San Diego for an important business deal and a formal get-together with other CEOs. He'd been planning to get some work done, or finish his novel, or at the very least take a nap. But then he remembered that he had kids aged four, six, and eleven, and realised all three of those options were null. How he wished Henry could be here, instead of at home with Charlie, his daughter, who he was practically sewn to. How he wished Clara wasn't on the earlier flight, but there hadn't been enough room in first-class and she'd said the kids should experience it.

He turned back in his seat to face his two youngest, Michael seated next to him. "Okay. Evan, stop kicking your brother's seat. Michael, don't threaten him, and if you have to, then please do it quietly. And Elizabeth—"

She blinked her apple-green eyes at him. With her yellow tank top dress with a decal of a sun, rosy cheeks, and bouncy low ginger pigtails, she was the epitome of innocence. "Yes, Daddy?"

"Don't be a nuisance."

Her mouth fell open in outrage. "I wasn't!"

"I never said you were. Just don't."

The three kids grumbled into submission, and William enjoyed several minutes of bliss. That is, until Elizabeth spoke up. "I'm hungry."

He turned around again. I'm going to get a serious neck stitch at this rate. "Just wait half an hour, love, and the stewardess will bring out snacks."

Her lower lip began to tremble. "But I'm hungry now," she whined.

"Don't be such a baby," Michael scoffed, crossing his arms over his faded yellow band T-shirt and kicking up his legs, covered in army-green cargo pants. "It's only thirty minutes."

"Or one thousand eight hundred seconds," Evan piped up.

Michael whipped back around. "Nerd."

"Bully."

"Suck-up."

"Dog-face."

"Daaad! Evan's kicking my chair again!"

"Daddy, I pushed a button on the wall that said emergency. I know 'cause Mummy said I needed to know that word. Starving is an emergency, right?"

William pressed his fingers to his temple. "Oh my God."

A pretty young stewardess rushed up. She was short with dark hair in a tight bun and a navy collared uniform. A glance at her name tag told him her name was Holly. "Hello, what seems to be the issue?"

He put on his most charming grin. "Sorry to bother you, my daughter was hungry and thought this was the right time to press the emergency button. I will punish her accordingly, and make sure this never happens again."

Elizabeth gave him a worried look. "Are you going to lock me in the little box all day again? It was so lonely and cold in there—" He shot her a murderous glare, and she quieted. He wished she'd stop talking about that.

A beam lit up Holly's face. "Oh, no worries at all! I'd be happy to bring her a snack!"

"No spinach." Elizabeth seemed to have found her voice, unlucky for him. "And no peas."

Holly winked. "I'll see what I can do."

Meanwhile, Evan and Michael were busying themselves with the pockets in the seats in front of them. So far, they'd found fifteen cents, a used tissue, and a scuba-diving brochure for Hawaii.

Suddenly Michael gasped, pulling out a glossy magazine with two tan women wearing matching orange bikinis posing on the cover. "Oh, sweet! Swimsuit magazine!"

"Not a chance, Casanova." William yanked it from his grasp and stuffed it haphazardly into the pocket of an empty seat next to them. Michael slumped in defeat, shooting him an angsty glare.

"Eww!" Evan exclaimed, holding a brown bag by the corner like it was filled with fire ants ready to crawl up his blue striped polo and khaki shorts. "Barf bag!"

"Comet, it makes you wanna vomit," Elizabeth sang. "Comet, it tastes like Listerine!"

"Elizabeth, enough." Evan's freckled face was starting to look a bit green, and William did not want another situation on his hands like the time Elizabeth stole all Clara's cramp pills and wound up getting her stomach pumped at the hospital, leaving him to clean the mess off his nice angora carpets.

"Dead birds covered in maggots," Michael whispered into Evan's ear, clearly revelling in his torment. "Hard-boiled eggs. Dad after he shaves."

"Keep running your mouth like that and maggoty birds won't be the only dead thing around here," William snapped. A couple with a sleeping baby turned to stare at him, and he flashed them a smile. "Joking."

"Sorry I'm late," Holly said as she returned with a tray. "I got her some goldfish crackers, a clementine, gummies, and some—"

"ICE CREAM!" Elizabeth shrieked at the top of her lungs, making everyone in the room and probably everyone down on the ground look in their direction.

Holly looked bewildered. "Yes, it's leftover from one of our families in the economy section."

"Leftover?!" William snapped. "I pay thousands so we can fly first-class, and you feed us table scraps?"

A smooth, deep voice sounded from the intercom, and the poor stewardess hurried off. "Passengers, we will be landing in ten minutes."

William turned to Evan. "Have some of those goldfish. It'll calm your stomach."

He shook his head rapidly. "I don't wanna. Ellie always puts them in her mouth first and then gives them to me."

Elizabeth nodded solemnly, face sticky with chocolate. "It's true."

"Well, did you this time?"

A pause. "No?"

"See, it's alright. Pass the package to your brother, sweetie." Dubiously, she complied. "And don't eat that ice cream, it's contaminated by the…middle class."

Elizabeth held steadfast. "No! It's yummy!"

"It's loaded with germs and sugars and trans fat, which gives you type two diabetes! Do you know what that is? You'll become obese and have a heart attack and die alone. Now give the ice cream to Daddy."

"NOOOO! I WANT ICE CREAM! I WANT ICE CREAM!" She howled, banging on the armrests. Now people were really starting to whisper, and William fought the urge to smash the windows and throw her out of one.

While he was distracted, Michael carefully leaned over his chair and snatched the magazine. He flipped it open and let out a low whistle. "Wow-ie, Gisele Bündchen!"

"That's not for children, Michael, give it here." He made a feeble attempt at grabbing while simultaneously trying to take the bowl from Elizabeth.

Michael snorted, snapping a photo of the page with his orange Nokia N73. "I'm nearly a teenager, don't be such a wet slice of bread."

"I'm going to barf," Evan mumbled queasily. William absentmindedly tossed the Goldfish to him.

Elizabeth shovelled ice cream into her mouth. Chocolate sauce dripped from her chin and onto her dress, but she held eye contact. "You can't stop me, Daddy. You can't stop God's will."

"Oh my God." I didn't raise such deranged children! Where did their mother go wrong? "Michael, give me the magazine or I'm throwing your XBox out the window. Elizabeth, give me the ice cream or you're going back in the box. And Evan, eat the freaking crackers!"

And so, William was handed the magazine and the bowl of ice cream, both of which he stuffed in the trash. Evan ate the crackers, which he claimed to be slimy. The plane landed safely. Elizabeth confessed that she actually had put the crackers in her mouth.

Evan threw up.

And so, William decided maybe it would be best if they drove home instead.

~lll~

"Mummy!" Evan cried, running down the escalator and wrapped himself around her waist. She wore a pink-and-white keyhole patchwork shirt with slit wide sleeves and faded bell-bottoms with comfy brown Uggs.

She hugged him back and leaned up to give William a kiss on the cheek. "Hi, honey. How was the flight?"

"Ten more seconds and I would've thrown myself off. May I take your purse?"

They stopped at the baggage retrieval to grab their luggage. He was in the middle of grabbing his daughter's strawberry-themed suitcase when he heard her call out. "Doggie!"

Oh, lord. He turned around to see her stroking the head of a German Shepherd wearing a harness that read POLICE DOG: DO NOT TOUCH. The bulky officer above it scowled at her.

Clara winced. "Oh, gosh—Beth, get back here. We're so sorry, she's only four."

The dog licked her hand and started to get excited so they ended up having to drag her away. The cab they took drove along the sailboat-dotted ocean which the kids gawked at and pointed out very interesting things like the water and how it was blue and how there was a lot of it. They reached their hotel, which had lots of parking space and a local restaurant beside it where they could eat 50% off if they bought rooms. Everyone grabbed their luggage from the trunk and headed inside to the lobby. While Clara talked with the woman at the front desk, the rest of them sat on armchairs and William instructed his children.

"Listen up. Your mother and I are going to share a room two doors down from you three. I want you all to be on your best behaviour, which means no eating on the beds, no spilling, and you tidy up whatever you take out. Michael, you're the oldest so I expect you to keep them in shape. Elizabeth, if you make a mess and try to hide it from me…I'll know."

"What about Evan?" Michael asked.

"Oh." He'd sort of forgotten about him. "Same as your brother, make sure Elizabeth doesn't do anything she'd normally do."

"But—"

"No buts! Best! Behaviour! Got it?"

"Got it," droned the kids.

Clara hurried back, two keycards in hand. "All set?"

"Can we take the elevator?" Elizabeth begged. "I've only been on an elevator two times."

"Sure, baby, let's go on." Clara led them all to the silver elevator and let her daughter press the button. It dinged and the doors slid open.

"It stinks in here," Michael complained.

"Stop complaining. You're in California, for God's sake." William pressed the button to bring them to the third floor.

"Wheeeee!" Elizabeth jumped and came down with a crash. The elevator creaked and Evan cried out as he stumbled.

"Elizabeth! Don't do that, you're frightening your brother." Clara hissed. She gripped the side bars, looking rather frightened herself.

The elevator stopped and they entered a long straight hallway lined with doors. The carpet was dingy and blue-green and the walls were painted a peeling yellow.

"Three-oh-nine," Evan read. "I think this is ours."

"The boy's a genius," Michael said in a deep, wise voice.

Evan unlocked the door and the kids went in, followed by their parents so they could help set up for them. The floor and walls were the same as the outside, only it somehow had worse lighting than before. The first room had a square bed covered in white sheets and a TV with a massive crack down the screen on the drawers in front of it. Off to the side was a little table and two chairs for eating, a sink and cupboards, and a basic bathroom. A door led to one other room with an identical bed, a large mirror with tarnished gold carvings, and a window that gave them a lovely view of a brick wall.

"I want the bed with the TV," Michael claimed, placing his suitcase on it.

"I want the other bed!" Elizabeth and Evan called at the same time, then turned to glare at each other.

"Whoever doesn't get the bed can sleep on an air mattress out here," Clara said, like it was a greater offer than a bed.

"I should get the bed cos I'm the littlest," Elizabeth said.

"No, I should get it because I…um…"

"See! Michael's the oldest and I'm the youngest and the only girl and Evan's nothing special, so he should get the stupid smelly air mattress."

"That's not f-fair!"

Michael laughed. "Aww, did the little baby st-st-stutter?"

"Children, for goodness' sakes, stop being mean to your brother! Look, you're going to make him cry."

"No I'm not!" Evan wailed.

"Just give him the bed, Liz, it's not that big of a deal." William chided.

"It is a big deal. There's monsters here. They're under the sink."

"Don't be daft, of course there aren't."

"I see them now," she said darkly. "Evan sees them too, look how he's all quiet. They take your talk and eat it all up."

"Evan's just like that, quiet." He coughed. "Unlike some kids."

"Yes, remember how he didn't talk until he was three?" Clara added.

"I didn't?" Evan asked.

"He did too," Michael said, confused. "Me and him used to walk around the trailers and make up stories all the time. He talked so much I had to stuff his mouth full of marshmallows."

"No, you must have dreamed that. He never spoke once, not even when he got hurt. Your father and I were thinking of sending him to a speech doctor."

"Well, he definitely talked. Right, Ev?"

"I don't really remember," he said sheepishly. "I barely even remember our trailer."

"I don't remember either." Elizabeth chimed in.

"That's because you were a baby. Evan, why didn't you speak to us?"

"I told you, I don't remember."

"Nonsense. I remember when I was a baby being spoon-fed, I think you can remember three years ago." He must have raised his voice because Evan's eyes were starting to get glassy again. "Whatever. I just find it odd you spoke to your brother and to nobody else."

Michael shook his head. "He spoke to Jeremy, too. And Elizabeth. And the mailm—"

"Alright, alright! I guess Evan just hated his parents, then."

"No no no!" Evan was sobbing now, fat tears rolling down his cheeks. "I don't remember why I didn't speak to you. I love my parents!"

"Do you?"

"Oh, William, stop it, you've made him cry." Clara hoisted him up and let the small boy sniffle into her shoulder, staining her shirt a deep purple. "Why don't we all unpack and then we can go do something fun?"

"But who gets the bed?" Elizabeth asked. "Better start with E and end with T."

Evan looked up, his eyes rimmed with red. "Actually, your name ends with an H, 'cause T-H makes the th sound."

"I wish you'd go back to crying," Elizabeth muttered.

"Quiet! Evan's getting the other bed, since you've all been so awful to him." Clara set him back down, hands on her hips. "Now, your father and I are going to set up our room, and while we're gone I want you three to think up things you want to do while we're in California."

They went to their room a couple doors down and unpacked their things, and when they got back to the kid's room there was pleasantly no blood dripping from the walls. "So, what did you guys come up with?"

"Universal Studios," said Michael.

"Muir Woods National Monument," said Evan.

"What the heck is that?"

"A redwood forest. I hear the flora and fauna are to die for," Evan said, sounding like a tourism pamphlet.

"Pff, only nerds want to look at some trees while we're in the best country in the state."

"State in the country."

Clara cut in. "Elizabeth, what's your idea?"

"Disneyland!" she cheered.

William frowned. "All of those are kind of a drive."

"Yes, I was hoping for something in the city." Clara thought for a moment, then brightened. "What about the San Diego zoo?"

"Yeah!" All three kids cheered.

"Fine, let's do that." William unlocked the door to go to his room and Clara followed to get changed into cooler clothes for the scorching west coast weather.

"I just love the scenery here," she said dreamily as she shut the blinds. "My family never travelled. The furthest I ever got to in my whole life was New Harmony, and that was just to visit my grandpa."

"Wow. The furthest trip I've gone on was to America. So far it's been the longest vacation of my life."

Clara giggled. "Very funny." She pulled off her jeans and rummaged around in her suitcase for shorts.

"Scandalous. Is that what you're wearing?" He dodged her swipe.

"You should change too. It's seriously hot out." Selecting a beige high-waisted jean skirt, she began to tug it on.

He unbuttoned his shirt. "Fine, but I didn't bring many T-shirts."

"Ooh, you can borrow one of mine." She wiggled a hot pink tube top, the golden button-up he was looking at on her other arm.

"Very funny, and give me back that shirt."

"Hmm, I don't know, maybe I like you better without it—ack, get off me!" William wrestled her down onto the bed, yanking the shirt out of her grasp. He held it up triumphantly.

"No fair using big man strength," she grumbled, and re-tied her ponytail.

"No fair using pretty lady charms." He kissed the curls on her head affectionately. He was like a cat in that he was very picky who he'd be touchy with. They had to be close enough to practically read each other's minds before he'd lay a finger on them, much less vice versa. So far, Henry and Clara were the only ones close enough, and he knew how proud that made her feel.

Changing quickly and grabbing essentials like a map and granola bars, they wrangled the kids into sunscreen and sneakers and a bright yellow taxi.

"I just hope there's nothing scary," said Evan.

~lll~

"So the tigers are over here, and then there's alligators and spiders and rhinos and big stripey snakes!" Elizabeth pointed out on the billboard map of the zoo at the front desk, while the adults signed paperwork.

"I think I'll wait in the car," murmured Evan, white as a sheet.

"Evan wants to go to the petting zoo," Michael taunted. "The baby petting zoo."

"Petting zoo? With little animals?" He looked relieved. "That doesn't sound so bad."

"Oh, I remember my first petting zoo. The baby goats trampled my sister and I the second we were locked in. They ripped a sleeve off her jumper and tore out a chunk of my hair, I still have the scar." William pulled his hair up above his ear to reveal a small bald spot pinker than the rest of his scalp.

"To the car I go," Evan said, spinning back around.

Clara caught him by the scruff of his shirt. "Not so fast. All the animals are behind nice safe cages, see? They couldn't get you if they tried. Which they won't, since they've all been raised in captivity. They're used to crowds of noisy humans looking at them." She poked Elizabeth. "But that doesn't mean you can scream at them. Treat them nicely, okay?"

"Course I will. I love aminals."

"Not enough to pronounce their name right," Evan muttered under his breath.

William set his pen down and turned around. "Alright, we're set to go."

Michael pulled out his phone. "Let's see the gators first, I wanna send a pic to Patrick."

"Should I ask why?"

"Inside joke."

They walked down the sunbaked concrete paths, other tourists swarming around them carrying cold drinks to try and beat the heat, until they reached a thick glass exhibit. Behind it lay flat wet rocks with a creek splitting them. Long, gray alligators dozed in the sun like logs on a beach.

Elizabeth pressed her nose to the glass. "They're so cute! Daddy, can I pet them?"

"Only if you want a closed casket. And get your face off that, it's coated in germs."

"Now we have to go look at the elephants," Michael commanded. "I need a picture for an inside joke with Joseph."

"I don't suppose you need a tiger photo for Jeremy next?" William asked dryly.

"No, that'd be weird. I need to go to the insect exhibit for that."

"See you later, alligators," sighed Elizabeth. "I'll pet you someday."

They visited the elephants next, and Michael took a photo of them. Some other guy named 'Jawed' was there filming a video where he talked about cool things they could do, whatever that was about.

"I don't like elephants," Evan mumbled. "They look like they could choke me with their trunks."

Elizabeth brayed and held her arm in front of her nose, flopping it around. "I'm gonna choke you dead!"

"Mum!" Evan cried, backing away. Elizabeth chased him around, making elephant noises, while Michael filmed and people around them stared.

"Oh stop it, you crazy lot. Look, why don't we go to the insect exhibit? I hear they have some extremely rare bugs in there."

"And if you keep bugging us, we'll have to donate you to it," William added. Him and Clara slapped hands.

"You guys are so embarrassing," said Michael, shaking his head. His siblings nodded in disappointment. "A-greed."

If they thought the spring California temperature was bad, the heat lamps in the insect exhibit were downright unbearable. William bought them all blue raspberry Mr Freeze's to cool them down. And surprisingly, everyone calmed down once they were there. Elizabeth discovered that if she was quiet, the bugs would come closer to her in their terrariums, and soon she'd coaxed a stick hug right up against the glass. Evan wasn't even scared since most of the bugs there were harmless little things, taking a liking to the moths (much to Michael's distaste, since moths were a fear of his.) And the oldest took as many photos as he liked. Clara in particular fancied the rare blue frogs named Nancy and Drew. And William admired the tiny yellow jumping spider not in a cage hanging from a web that he kept a secret from his squeamish middle child.

Suddenly, Evan shrieked, almost dropping his cold treat "Eww, what is that?" Then he flushed, realizing he must've been louder than he thought. "Sorry. I just…what on earth is that?!"

William followed his gaze to the most hideous hair spider he'd ever seen. It was brown with spots and long pointed horns and about the size of his entire hand—and he had very big hands. "Says here it's the Japanese samurai spider, named for those horns on its head. Only two left in the world, this one's a male, and it's due for breeding soon. He's a pretty ugly thing, isn't it?"

"Honestly." Evan shook his head and slurped down the rest of his icy syrup, tossing the wrapper in the bin. "Come see the moths. They're cool."

"Right, cool." He looked at moths for a while until he was cut off by one of the workers, a woman in an army-green uniform, who blew a whistle. "Everyone stay calm! The critically endangered Japanese samurai spider is missing from captivity. Please exist the exhibit in an orderly fashion while we search for it."

"Is it missing? Oh gosh, please don't tell me it's on one of us." Clara brushed off her shirt and shorts, checking for arachnids.

Evan made the sign of the cross, and Michael just looked bored. They exited the building.

"Mummy, where's the garbage can?" Elizabeth asked, holding up her wrapper.

"Back in the building, you can give it to me for now. Goodness, Beth, you really got it all over you!" A circle of electric blue made a ring around her lips. Clara licked her finger and started to wipe it off when she noticed something. "Why are there hairs all over your mouth?"

"Umm…I'm growing a mustache?"

She stepped back. "Oh, lord. William?"

"Yeah?"

"She's got brown hairs stuck to her mouth. You don't think…"

"Oh, come on. That thing was gigantic."

"But remember that time she ate all those red ants and we had to get her checked out? There's no way it just got out on its own."

"Jesus Christ." William bent down and looked her straight in the eye. "Elizabeth Eleanor Afton. I'm only going to ask you this once—did you eat that spider?"

"Nope."

He shook her shoulders. "Did you, or did you not?!"

"No fair! You only said you were gonna ask me once!"

"Answer me right now or you're not getting any of our pizza and ice cream tonight."

"Maybe I let it explore my mouth a little bit! So?"

"Oh my God, Elizabeth."

"What did she do now?" Michael asked.

"Nothing!" Both parents snapped.

"This is a disaster! What do we do now?" Clara bit her nails. "Should we tell the staff?"

"And get arrested for killing off an entire species? No way in hell are we telling anyone."

"But what if it's poisonous? Shouldn't we get her checked out?"

"It said on the plaque that it wasn't venomous. Elizabeth, are you feeling alright?"

"Yup."

"See, she's fine."

"It was tickly in my throat. I chewed lots. It was squishy."

"What was squishy?" Evan asked.

"The Japanese samurai spider I swallowed. Yum yum yum."

Evan threw up for the second time that day; and William decided maybe it would be best if they never went on a vacation again.

A/N

Did you know that the first ever YouTube video was filmed in the San Diego Zoo? The more you know.

Question/Challenge: What's your favourite thing about your bedroom? Mine is either my collection of Warriors books or the paper butterflies I hung from my ceiling. You can make them too by printing out stencils, cutting them out and colouring them, and the taping them up with string!

Have an amazing day/night!

~ghost