A/N: There will be a reoccurring theme of suicidal thoughts in this story, so be mindful of that if it's something you aren't in a good space to read right now
Hector had sworn to serve the Brotherhood and the Moon. His loyalty was completely to them, because he owed them everything.
He knew his siblings didn't understand. Adira and Quirin wouldn't have been so quick to abandon their duties at the first chance they were given if they understood. Even Edmund didn't get it. He'd been born to serve the Moon and the Dark Kingdom. Nobody was more loyal to the Moon than Edmund was. But he'd sent the Brotherhood away.
Hector could understand why the civilians were banished from the kingdom. Edmund had to find a balance between serving the Moon and keeping it safe from those who would abuse its power, and protecting his people. Edmund had stayed behind to fulfill his duty to the Moon, but he'd done what was necessary to keep his people safe from the Moon's wrath..
But Hector wasn't a normal citizen. He was a knight of the kingdom. He'd made an oath to protect the moonstone until his dying breath. But he couldn't. Edmund had banished him along with everybody else. He hadn't trusted Hector, or any of their brethren, to serve by his side.
Adira had forgotten her oath to the Moon. Edmund forgot his oath to the Brotherhood. And considering Hector hadn't heard from Quirin for fifteen years, he was sure his brother had forgotten both.
Hector didn't like to think about his siblings. It hurt too much. It made him want to either stab something, or lock himself in the deepest chambers of the Great Tree where he couldn't be hurt by anybody ever again.
Protecting the Great Tree was not what Hector wanted to be doing with his life. He was too far from the moonstone and his home, but he didn't have a choice. If he returned to the Dark Kingdom, he would have to betray Edmund's trust, and he refused to hurt his siblings the way they'd hurt him. But he couldn't abandon his duty. Watching the Great Tree, keeping the powers within safe while protecting the borders that many passed on their way to the Dark Kingdom, it was a compromise.
It was lonely work, but Hector never faltered. He couldn't. Whenever his mind even began to stray he would remember why he did this in the first place. The Moon had saved his life. He'd just been a young child, not even a citizen of the Dark Kingdom, and completely oblivious of the grace of the Moon.
He didn't know who he had been before that time. He just knew that he'd been a lost child, wandering around the barren wastelands. He'd been alone, hungry, and badly beaten, with no memories of where he had come from. The only reason he had a way forward was because the full moon shone down on him.
Hector could swear that he remembered walking for several nights, but the Moon was full and bright each night. It illuminated his path, making it possible for him to traverse the dangerous terrain. He didn't know where he was going, but something deep inside him kept him moving. It was like a pull, or a quiet voice whispering that he was almost there, and he just needed to have faith. In what, he didn't know, but there was nothing else for him to do. He trusted. He walked. And then he was saved.
He was found by the Knights of the Brotherhood. They weren't supposed to be out that far. While Hector had technically been within the borders of the Dark Kingdom, he'd been in the middle of the isolated wilderness that nobody casually travelled to. The Brotherhood didn't casually patrol that far unless they had a reason.
The only reason they were there was because the Moon sent them a feeling. It had guided them to Hector. He wouldn't be alive if it weren't for the moon's grace and the loyalty of the Brotherhood. It was only right that he returned the favor with his own service.
Hector served the moon, no matter how much it hurt. No matter how lonely he was. It definitely didn't matter that most days he felt like that same lost child who just kept walking on, even though he didn't see the point, because he didn't have a choice. If he didn't follow the moon's light, he'd just be lost in his own overwhelming darkness.
The moon was his most consistent source of saving light, but it wasn't the only thing that gave him hope to get through another day. The other thing that saved him was his sister.
Adira had left. She'd abandoned their work, and a big part of him resented and even despised her for it. But he also loved her. She was his sister, and no matter how much they drove each other crazy, they still tried to take care of each other.
Fifteen years ago, Adira had been the sibling that he'd gotten along with the least. They didn't understand each other, and they didn't really try to understand each other. They still struggled with that, but while Edmund had kicked them out of their home and his life, and Quirin seemed to want nothing to do with them, Adira visited him.
It wasn't often. She stopped by once or twice every few years. She would usually stay for a few days, though once she had been there for nearly a month. They fought constantly, and without their brothers to mediate Hector always took things too far. He would lash out, and Adira would leave again. But she always came back, and she never held any grudges. It was like Hector was being given a clean slate he didn't deserve every time he saw her. He didn't want it, and he always ended up messing things up sooner or later. But the offer was still there, and despite his frustration with his sister, Hector did appreciate it.
He just appreciated her. He wasn't sure if he would have lasted fifteen years all on his own, without a real purpose, or a family to pull him out of his own head.
Even with Adira's visits though, Hector didn't know if he'd be able to get through another fifteen years, let alone the rest of his natural life. His devotion to the Moon was all he had, but his will could only be so strong. So many times Hector would find himself standing on the ledge within the Great Tree, just staring down into the depths.
He didn't really feel a temptation to take another step forward and just give in to this endless numbness he felt. But the curiosity was always there. The persistent little 'what if?' that made him wonder if it would really be such a bad thing.
He had always been able to walk away from the ledge, but Hector knew that it was just a matter of time before he couldn't. Before he didn't want to. What frightened him was just how unfrightened he was of that future. That inevitability. Just how close was he to reaching that point if he couldn't even bring himself to feel stubbornness or fear at the thought of just giving up like that?
Adira would probably hate him, but it wasn't like Hector would be here to know it. And even if she did hate him, it wasn't anything he wasn't used to. His brothers already hated him. They had to. Otherwise Edmund, who lived just a few days' travel away, would stop by to say hi every once and awhile. Or Quirin, who had been the peace keeper who worked to keep their family together, would have written to him.
He hadn't heard a word from either of them, which meant they didn't care. They didn't want him in their lives. That was fine. Hector didn't know if he wanted to be in his life either.
He was just sitting at the ledge right now, and he'd been doing so for hours. He knew he should at least go and patrol the cliffs surrounding the Great Tree. He just needed to do something to get out of his own head. But that took a lot of effort, and a will power that he just didn't have right now.
He probably would have stayed there all day and into the night, and the only thing that would drag him out was to go out to see the moon when it came out tonight. He was dragged from his thoughts when he heard someone address him.
"Hector." Adira said. "How's that view treating you?"
He really didn't think she wanted to know If she had any idea what exactly was going through his head. She would probably refuse to let him out of her sight.
But wasn't that what he wanted?
It took Hector a long moment to decide that he couldn't burden her like that. He sighed and forced his gaze away from the ledge. While he didn't say anything to Adira, he'd never been very good at hiding how he was feeling. He had always been an open book, and Adira knew it. She took one look at his face, and her teasing expression fell away as she immediately realized that he wasn't feeling great.
"What's wrong?" She asked. She sat on the ledge next to him.
"Nothing." Hector said, and he wasn't lying. Nothing was wrong, but nothing was right either. His entire life was just nothing.
Adira snorted in clear disbelief. "It's not like you to just sit around and mope, or to just sit around at all." At one time, she would have been right. Hector had been a very active child. Even as a young adult he didn't like to just sit still. He needed to move. For the most part that was the same, but now he had a lot more days where while he had a lot of spare energy, he didn't have any will.
Hector let out a slow sigh as he looked back over the ledge, looking down. He couldn't even see the bottom. He wondered how long it might take him to fall. Would he be conscious when he hit the bottom? Would he even feel any pain, or would it end so quickly that it wouldn't even matter.
Hector didn't notice that he was leaning forward until Adira grabbed his arm and pulled him back. It wasn't with any true urgency. She probably thought it was just a precaution.
"Talk to me, Hector." Adira said. "You've never held back before."
"How do you handle being alone?" Hector asked. "Because I'm my own worst company."
Adira frowned thoughtfully and let go of his arm. "When I'm missing you guys most, I go into town and just surround myself with people. Traveling alone, it can be so easy to feel like the only person in the world."
Hector's stomach sank. That wasn't what he had wanted to hear. "That's not really an option for me. I can't abandon my duty. Not the way you can." He didn't mean to sound insulting. As far as he saw it, it was just a fact of life. Adira had left. She'd been able to move on with her life. Hector resented her for it, but he also admired her, because he wasn't at all capable of doing anything like that.
Adira's brow furrowed. She didn't step up onto her usual pedestal and tell him that he could be doing more with his life. She didn't start a fight about how she thought he was an obsessed freak who was too loyal to think for himself. She seemed to be considering her words, and for the first time in fifteen years Hector felt like she was actually listening to him. It made him relax and let his guard down just a little bit.
"What do you think your duty is?" Adira asked. Usually this sort of question set Hector on edge and made him defensive. She had thought about this though, and her tone wasn't accusing. She sounded genuinely curious, and that was enough to encourage Hector to remain civil.
"My duty is to protect the moonstone and keep its powers out of the hands of those who would abuse it." Hector said. Adira made a thoughtful sound. He looked at her, and was more than a little confused to see an uncertain look on her face. Adira wasn't the type of person who second-guessed herself. What could she possibly be feeling doubt about?
Hector gave her a skeptical look. "What are you thinking about?"
For a long moment it looked like Adira wasn't going to answer. She took a deep breath and turned to face him. "Brother, fifteen years ago, when Edmund tried to destroy the moonstone, something…something happened." Her tone implied that that something was inexplicable and supernatural, even though they knew exactly what had happened. They had been there.
"The moonstone felt threatened, and it lashed out." Hector said.
Adira nodded. "Edmund lost his arm. He almost died. But Quirin was right there with him, and he walked away without a scratch. We didn't think he was affected at all by the explosion. Don't you think it's odd?"
"Not really." Hector said. The moon was intelligent. "It knew that Edmund was a threat, and Quirin wasn't."
"You know better than I that the Moon doesn't discriminate between those in the wrong and those in the right." Adira said. "It destroys. It kills. It lashes out without thought or care. If Quirin was in the way, he should have gotten hurt, but he wasn't."
He recognized this tone of hers. Hector didn't know whether to be amused or cautious. "What's your conspiracy this time?" He swore if she breathed a single word about the supposed sundrop, he would punch her.
"If the moonstone was threatened enough, I think it might have tried to find a new host." Adira said. "It could have embedded part of its power inside of Quirin, and that's why it didn't hurt him. It didn't want to harm itself."
It was crazy, but in a funny way that Hector didn't actually mind hearing out. He never believed Adira's conspiracies, but some of them were so out there and fun to consider that he couldn't help but entertain the thought, as long as she didn't take it too far.
"You think the power of the Moon resides in Quirin?" Hector smiled. "Don't you think we would have noticed that kind of thing immediately?"
"Not the Moon's complete power." Adira said. "But maybe a piece of it. And while it may have rested in Quirin, that doesn't mean it stayed there."
Hector felt his amusement slowly start to slip away. She was being far too vague. "What are you saying?"
"Quirin has a son." Adira said quickly, as though she was afraid that if she didn't say it fast enough then she wouldn't get it out at all. "Varian. He's five years old, and he's not exactly a normal child."
Hector's stomach twisted slightly. He had another nephew. Another child born of the Brotherhood, and another kid that he wouldn't be able to get to know. First Horace, now Varian. Their names were all he knew.
"You think Varian has the power of the Moon?" Hector eyed Adira, looking for a sign of mockery in her eyes. All he saw was earnest determination. She was desperate for him to believe what she was saying.
Adira was a lot of things, but she wasn't a liar. She spoke from the heart, and meant everything she said. Sometimes she kept details to herself, and that got annoying, but she was still one of the most honest people Hector knew. If she said that Varian had the powers of the moonstone, then she believed it.
Adira was quiet for a moment. She seemed to be considering things, and Hector wished she would just get it out. "It's hard to say." Adira said slowly. "He's still so young, and Quirin only let me get to know him so much. But he's an odd child. He has this blue streak in his hair that won't be cut, or dyed, and it's been there his whole life."
It was far from substantial evidence, and Adira knew it. "I know it's not enough to convince you. Quirin isn't even convinced, and Varian has no idea. But if he does have the powers of the Moon, they'll just get stronger as he gets older. If he grows up completely unaware of them, he might get hurt, or hurt someone else."
This whole thing was too impossible, but if there was even a chance that Adira was right…
"What do you want me to do?" Hector asked. He knew that was what Adira was building up to. She had a favor to ask.
"Come with me to Corona." Adira said. "Visit Quirin. Meet Varian. You understand the Moon better than I do. If Varian has just a sliver of the Moon's power, you'll recognize it, and together we can convince Quirin what might need to be done."
Hector grimaced. "You want me to leave?"
"I know it's a lot to ask." Adira said. "Corona isn't exactly nearby. But if you've promised to protect the moonstone, then that might include Varian."
Hector narrowed his eyes at her. "You never cared about protecting the moonstone as much as I do. Why are you telling me any of this?" He would have thought that she would hide anything that might encourage him to act on his duties.
"Because this isn't just about the moonstone." Adira said. "This is about our family. The Brotherhood. I know I left, but you're still my Brethren. I don't want something bad to happen to Varian." She was quiet for a moment. "And to be honest, I worry about you. You've been on your own in this tree for so long. I think you need us just as much as our family needs you."
Hector had never thought that their family truly needed him. Especially not after fifteen years of silence from his brothers. But Adira was right. Hector knew more about the Moon and the moonstone than anybody, including Edmund. If anybody could figure out if something was going on with Varian, it was him.
He was reluctant to leave the tree, but what did he really have here? Never-ending loneliness, a self-appointed job that was a mockery of what he should actually be doing, and a deep ledge that would always be pulling him closer to it.
In Corona he had most of his family, as well as at least part of the power that he was supposed to be protecting anyway. And if Adira was wrong, then Hector could always come back. But it was better to check than to always be left wondering.
"Okay." Hector said. Adira's eyes widened in disbelief.
"Do you mean it?" She smiled. Hector returned her smile, though his was much smaller.
"Yeah." Hector said. "I can't promise I'll be able to stay." As much as it would be nice to see his family again, his service to the Moon was bigger than that. That had to come first.
"Of course." Adira said. "I'm just glad you're coming."
"So am I." Hector said. Whenever Adira visited, it chased away his numbness at least a bit. If he was with Quirin and Varian as well, maybe it would get rid of it completely as long as he was with them.
This whole situation, and his decision to go to Corona, was surrounded by too many 'what if's. It shouldn't be enough for him, but Hector thought that following after these questions and curiosities was a better alternative to sitting in the tree, waiting for his wondering about the ledges to evolve into temptations that were too strong for him to resist.
He didn't really know if it was a temptation that he necessarily wanted to resist, but being with his family made him want to want to fight it. Maybe that was good enough.