Summary: Not every story has its happy endings. More so for a history that's doomed to fade away because humanity has deemed it irrelevant. One kouhai has her thoughts on the matter, one senpai considers.

Note: Written to process my own feelings with finishing Lostbelt 4 and my own position of being a Vietnamese-American, having been born to two Vietnamese immigrants who dealt with colonization firsthand when coming to America. This was originally posted on Tumblr on July 5, 2021 — the exact day I cleared Lostbelt 4's story. Posting in the story proper now to make way for the next chapter I have in the works, involving a certain Underworld goddess.

Otherwise, this was originally inspired by users and friends partialdignity and lunarimpact on Tumblr. I hope you two don't mind the mentions, but I couldn't help it considering you finished LB4 way before me and shared your own thoughts on it a while back. And well, much like you two, I don't entirely agree with Mash's decision in Lostbelt 4, Section 20-2, but at the same time, that doesn't mean I don't understand the sentiment behind it.

Even if Mash has been around a bit too much for others' liking, considering she's fighting old comrades of hers while still supporting us, the Lostbelts are challenging her as they are to us as people.

This is just Vy's take on the final moments of a world that probably didn't deserve what it received.

CW for implied emotional abuse and Lostbelt 4 spoilers. The theme for this little piece is Residual Ice from Fate/Grand Order's own soundtrack. Please enjoy.

Day 18: Knowing What to Say

"Is it alright… if we could stop by one last place before we go install Captain's last part into the Shadow Border? There's someone I wanted to visit, Da Vinci."

Vy felt her heart ache when hearing Mash say those words, but in spite of the sympathy starting to flood her veins, she still gave Mash a look past her foggy glasses. "You want to see Asha, Mash?"

Robin and Ereshkigal didn't say anything from over Vy's shoulder — if they wanted to, they didn't seem up for voicing it. The consecutive battles with that other version of Arjuna and the Tree of Emptiness were already enough to make Vy want to sleep for years. Who knows how the Servants felt, having to shoulder all the fighting with only one Command Spell to back them up. Still, Vy could feel their concern bleed through their shared bond, warming the back of her neck and the inside of her chest, and Vy clenched her fingers for a moment as she looked towards Mash.

Mash Kyrielight. Beloved kouhai, wonderful friend, strong Demi-Servant — and a teenager who shouldn't have had to fight as much as she did. Vy didn't regret bringing Mash with her through everything — Mash was a little sister in all but name now. After everything they had experienced in that crumbling Command Room, with all the flames, there was no way Vy could regret knowing Mash and growing to love her. It was hard to imagine going on any Chaldea-related mission without her. But if Vy had the right idea about what Mash wanted to do—

"I-I think we need to, Senpai," Mash said softly, her hand clutching the handles of her Ortinax shield all the more tighter with the words being out in the open. "With Arjuna gone now, and… and with this Lostbelt fading soon, the least we can do is tell her what happened to Ajai. Asha deserves that much."

Vy took a breath, carefully brushing a stray strand of hair behind her ear as she considered her answer. "…Because we're the ones who ended her world?" Because we're the ones who, unintentionally or not, made it impossible for Ajai to ever come back to his daughter again? Because we're the ones who can't tell Dr. Roman everything anymore?

Da Vinci's hologram took on a sad look as Holmes fell silent. Vy didn't have to turn to know Ereshkigal had tears in her eyes and Robin was close enough to her to feel his hand start to brush hers.

Mash merely nodded and Vy studied her for a moment. Mash's arms, although muscular and covered in the Ortinax's armor, were shaking. Her purple eyes, even when shaded by the goggles from the Ortinax armor sitting atop her head, appeared sad, hesitant, and yet determined all at once.

She really feels…

Vy took another breath before striding over to Mash's side (only after gently reaching back to squeeze Robin's hand for one extra second of composure), gently brushing some dust off of Mash's right shoulder. "What do you intend to say when we're seeing her, Mash? Can I at least ask that before we go?"

"I—" Mash faltered, her gaze flickering back and forth between Vy's face and her shield. "I wanted to tell her that the reincarnation cycles that she went through were wrong. That it was wrong for her to forget her father, that she didn't deserve what happened. That…" Mash bit her lip, hanging her head, "that it's all over now."

"I understand where you're coming from, kouhai, I really do," Vy said softly, retracting her hand, "but can I say something to that?"

Mash slowly raised her head to meet Vy's eyes past her glasses, blinking owlishly. "Wh-What is it, Senpai?"

"Thank you for letting me speak," Vy said kindly first, a weak smile forming on her lips before it dropped in favor of the silence that surrounded them and the former ocean of milk where the Tree of Emptiness once stood. "And, as much as I understand why you want to tell Asha those things, Mash, I think we shouldn't say everything. Just leave it at, 'We have to go, and we'll miss you.'"

"Wha—" Mash's eyes widened enough to resemble dinner plates, her shoulders tensing in her armor. "What do you mean, Senpai? Are we just—" Her voice rose to an emotional high, her eyebrows furrowing on her forehead past her bangs as she said, "Are we just not letting Asha know what happened to one of her last living relatives?!"

"I didn't say all that, Mash." Something was starting to ache in Vy's chest, but she pushed it aside. "But kouhai, Asha's lived with these yuga cycles for who knows how long," Vy continued in a softer voice, shaking her head. "The last thing we want to do is shatter her own mental world with the knowledge we have before we go, just because we feel guilty about what we've done. Who knows how much that'll weigh on her before this Lostbelt disappears, knowing that she had a father that she can't remember? How could we predict her reaction to knowing that all her prayers and her life was an utter lie that didn't deserve to happen? What could we do about that?"

Mash lurched back at that, her breath coming out in a shaky exhale. "I-I didn't mean—"

"I know you didn't, Mash," Vy said quietly, the same small smile from before forming on her lips. "And I know taking down these Lostbelts is just as hard on you as it is for everyone else." I can feel it, right here, right now. "But I don't think you or me have the right to tell Asha what is right to believe when only a few days ago, losing people in the yugas was normal. When it was her daily life."

Mash opened her mouth, then closed it. Then, she said in a voice barely above a whisper, "Did you go through the same thing at one point, Senpai?"

Did someone break you?

Vy closed her eyes and took another breath, slowly opening them to look at Mash again. She couldn't think about the metal device still resting in her pocket, about the last phone call she had on said device before everything turned white. "Ignorance is bliss sometimes, kouhai," Vy said, finally raising a hand to gently rest it atop Mash's head, patting her hair softly. "Even if we don't agree with it, we are still outsiders to this Lostbelt. And I've heard enough from my own family about how outsiders meddled with our home in Vietnam, telling us our beliefs were meaningless and that our lifestyles were barbaric and wrong. I don't want you to be associated with that kind of sentiment."

Even if I can understand where you're coming from and feel the same way. But…

Mash stared at Vy past the hand she was using to still pat her head, a small hint of tears starting to form in the corners of her eyes. "Senpai…"

Vy smiled at Mash one last time, leaning over to press a weak yet sisterly kiss to the top of Mash's hair. "I'm not telling you to stop with whatever you're thinking. I understand where you're coming from, Mash, I really do. I'm just saying we're going to have to rephrase it, just so that Asha can live peacefully for as long as she can. Alright?" So that she won't turn out like me, scarred, anxious, and wondering if she even deserves anything after being ignorant for so long.

"Senpai…" Mash whispered. "I…" A small pause, then Mash eventually choked out, "You…"

She's hesitating. I guess…

"…I was told I wasn't worthy of life once," Vy whispered into Mash's hair as she looked towards Robin and Ereshkigal still waiting back at the Shadow Border. It took only a second to pull back and turn away from Mash's gaze. "When I was little, long before I came to Chaldea. I haven't forgotten it."

Vy could faintly hear Mash gasp.

"'Stop making yourself out like a mouse to be protected,' he said," Vy recalled, shrugging her shoulders as she walked towards the Shadow Border. "'Stop looking at fairy tales and start looking at reality, else you're not worthy to be in my reality.' It was all said and done when I was about 11 years old, by someone I thought I could trust. My world was shattered by someone I thought I could love, kouhai. And my family didn't know. I didn't know until just recently." With a small sigh, Vy reached Robin's side first, and the May King gave her a look past the fringe of his hair. "If not for a certain rogue in green, I still don't know if I would even be here at all."

Robin stilled, his fingers twitching before he offered one arm, and Ereshkigal immediately took Vy's hand in hers. Without hesitation, Vy put her other hand into Robin's outstretched one, squeezing both Servants' fingers tightly.

If not for everyone here…

Vy glanced over her shoulder to look at her beloved kouhai and smiled, holding back the tears in her voice. "It hurt enough when I didn't know what to believe in, Mash," Vy said softly. "All I'm trying to say is…" A lump surfaced in Vy's throat, her nose starting to itch as her vision blurred a little, but she still squeezed Eresh and Robin's hands before finishing with, "let's just try not to break the beliefs of another little girl when we go, okay?"

Vy chanced one second to glance behind her. All she caught was a single tear that proceeded to slide down Mash's cheek before she nodded, taking the former shield of Galahad up into her arms. "O-Okay."