Arc 1: The American Psycho [III]

Chapter: A Consultant, A Gangsta And A Married Woman Walk Into A Bar

As it turned out, they didn't have to head out of this fine establishment to look for a drink. Being a five star hotel, The White Lotus had its own bar and restaurant. Carl was still in his waiter uniform and the bartender gave him a look, like why the hell was he not working the tables, but Hikigaya had a simple solution to the problem.

"Just take off your bowtie."

The thing he was starting to like about Carl was that he didn't ask too many questions. He just went with the flow. After removing the bowtie, he ordered a drink. "Hey bartender! Bring me a glass of whiskey. The good stuff. And leave the bottle." He turned around and faced his new friend. "Whiskey okay with you? Or do you want to order something else?"

Hikigaya had to actually think about it and he made a face when he finally decided on his order. "You know what, I think I will have to go with a non-alcoholic beverage." It was a good thing Carl was paying for his drink, because there was no way he would waste his own money on such a drink. "I would like some ginger ale, please."

The bartender was a professional. "Anything else?"

Carl didn't give a fuck. "Yeah. Some lipstick and a pair of panties."

Hikigaya tried to hide his embarrassment. "Hey. It's not my fault. Didn't I show you the text Kanra sent me? An assassin is after me! Now how am I going to deal with an assassin if I'm drunk off my ass? You want me to get killed, CJ."

"Hey! You are a tough man to kill. I would know." CJ replied. "Besides, didn't you take that magical potion which increases your luck or something? I saw a few vials lying around on your nightstand. Drink a few of those and you will be good."

Hikigaya sighed. "Unfortunately that potion is toxic in higher dosage. If I consume anymore of that stuff, I will be doing the assassin's job for him. No, it's better to show some restraint." The bartender brought him his drink. He looked at the glass of ginger ale and let out another sigh. "I promise, tomorrow I will have Irish Coffee for breakfast."

"Irish Coffee? What's that?" Carl asked.

"It's a caffeinated alcoholic drink." Hikigaya explained. "Back in the States, there was this guy I worked for, Lieutenant Backstrom. He used to add whiskey to his morning cup of coffee and call it Irish Coffee. Of course, the real thing is a bit more fancy. It consists of Irish whiskey, hot coffee and sugar, topped with cream."

Carl drank his whiskey. "I can't believe I lost to you in a fight." Suddenly he had an incredible idea. "Hey! How about you let me have some of that potion and I will go hit a couple of casinos and later we can split the take."

Hikigaya shook his head. "I'm afraid I can't do that, CJ. It's illegal to use that potion for gambling activities."

"Illegal?" Carl gave him an incredulous look. "Nigga, I'm a criminal!"

"Yeah. And if you don't want to be a convict, you will drop that idea immediately." Hikigaya replied curtly. "Before you know it, Aurors - I mean magical law enforcement officers will be on your ass and they will catch you and throw you in prison. And let me tell you, Azkaban is no joke. It's on a remote island, guarded by this soul sucking monsters called Dementors. They are the worst things on earth. They will turn you into a husk of your former self and -" he shook his head. "I don't like to talk about it."

CJ decided to give him some space. He enjoyed his drink and let his friend simmer for a bit while he had a look around. Before he knew it, he found a welcome distraction. He elbowed his drinking buddy in the ribs. "Check it. There's a hot chick checking you out."

Hikigaya tried to be subtle. He finished his drink and threw a casual glance over his shoulder. CJ wasn't wrong. The woman was kinda hot.

Light skin, black hair and reddish eyes. She looked to be in her late twenties and seemed to be a foreigner. She was slightly on the taller side, had a slender yet curvaceous frame and exuded a certain level of grace. Short bangs framed her forehead even though she had long, straight black hair which reached her mid back. She had split her hair into two parts and crossed it over her head, securing it with a white headband and forming two thick locks of hair that reached below her breast.

She was dressed in a semi-backless red off-shoulder sweater with black tights, a red skirt and brown-heeled ankle boots. A pair of dangling gold earrings in the shape of small spikes adorned her ears.

She was a real beauty.

And she had caught him staring.

Not good.

Hikigaya quickly turned around and faced the bar. But the damage was already done. It seemed like CJ took joy in his misery and ran a real-time commentary. "Oh no. She's coming over. She's almost here. She's standing next to you."

He heard someone clear there throat.

"She cleared her throat." CJ added.

Hikigaya sighed and turned around to face his doom. Doom was blushing a bit and acting real shy. Her voice came out a little awkward and she averted from looking him directly in the eye. He found it rather cute. "Um, can I buy you a drink?"

Hikigaya blinked.

Carl swore under his breath. "You lucky motherfucker."

The woman lowered her head and stared at her heels.

Hikigaya knew what was the right thing to do. He had to reject her advances. For all he knew this was happening because he was still under the effect of Felix Felicis. He had no intention of misusing the potion in such a manner. In other words, he didn't want to get lucky tonight. The irony wasn't lost on him.

But Carl decided to be the perfect wingman.

"You have to excuse my friend, Miss –"

"Missus." She corrected out of habit and held up her hand. Both of them saw the wedding ring on her finger. "I'm married."

Hikigaya could almost hear it - the sound of a phonograph needle being pulled violently across a vinyl record, the background music, along with everything else, coming to a screeching halt.

But Carl Johnson still tried his best to be the perfect wingman.

"…Like I was saying. My friend over here, for some reason, he has sworn off alcohol. So you see, he's kind of in a bind. Now he can't really ask a pretty lady like you to buy him a glass of orange juice, can he?"

What the –?

Hikigaya made a mistake. Carl wasn't trying to be a wingman. He was trying to be a good friend and look out for his best interest. Who would have thought, besides being a full-fledged psycho with a ton of weapons, he also had a heart of gold. He was actually trying to help him out by talking to the woman in his stead and letting her down real easy. He was saving him from being the bad guy, who would have no choice but to reject her and break her heart.

Hikigaya made a promise. After this was over, he was buying Carl a drink. A real drink.

"It's not a problem." The woman replied confidently. "In fact, my daughter loves to drink orange juice."

The needle scratched against the record again and everything came to a halt for the second time in a row. But really it didn't. Nothing happened.

"CJ -" He began

But Carl cut him off. "Leave me out of this man." He finished the rest of his drink in one go and tried to get the bartender's attention. He needed to get real drunk to believe the shit that was happening.

The woman saw an opening and decided to strike. "Let me buy your friend a drink too. What will you have, um, CJ was it?"

Before Hikigaya could intervene his friend replied. "Whiskey. The good stuff."

And everything was set in motion. The woman raised three fingers and placed their order. "Three glasses of whiskey for me and my new friends." And without invitation, she grabbed the seat next to him and sat down. Before he knew it, she flashed a small, uneasy smile. It seriously messed him up. "I am Yor."

Keep it together, you idiot.

She said Yor. Not Yours.

It's her name.

Probably her first name.

It would be rude not to return the favour.

"…Hikigaya." He simply said.

He didn't realize it yet, but letting her order the same drink for the three of them – that was his first mistake of the evening.