Summary: Before the advent of the Lostbelts, one Demi-Servant decides to ask a question. Her senpai answers as she always does, but the meaning isn't truly conveyed until a day after Chaldea is partially restored in the Wandering Sea.

Note: Inspired by the Sunny Day OVA made for Ufotable's Unlimited Blade Works adaptation and the feelings of quiet relief that surged through me when Saber came home one more time to get to NP5 in-game. Not to mention the last few pages of the translated Beryl chapter of the From/Lostbelt manga by Nakatani. Let it be said Beryl's chapter left a sour taste in my mouth I wanted to address.

The theme for this chapter is Goose house's Hikaru Nara, the first opening for Your Lie in April. I found the lyrics really went with the joy I was trying to convey here. For alternatives, I recommend (1) Hikaru Utada's Simple and Clean from Kingdom Hearts 2.8 and (2) Home from RWBY Volume 5. While brainstorming this chapter, I was actually listening to a remix YouTuber Felicita Novita made that combined Simple and Clean with the Japanese remix for 2.8, being Hikari - ray of hope, so feel free to listen to that too if you'd like.

Otherwise? Please enjoy.

Day 40: What Is Love?

"Hey, Senpai?"

"Mm?" Vy looked up with blurry eyes past her cup of ice water, brown irises unfocused but still pointed in Mash's direction as she took a quiet sip of her drink. If the lack of her glasses was any bother to her, Vy didn't give any sign of it. Heck, if Mash knew any better, it looked like Vy was at peace in her seat in the Dining Hall if not for the confused and thoughtful look on her face. "What is it, kouhai?"

Mash smiled past the frames of her glasses as her gaze fell to Vy's own pair of corrective lenses resting on the table over a folded napkin. "I was just curious about something. Could I ask you?"

Vy blinked, slowly putting down her cup while tapping a finger thoughtfully against the glass. "Go ahead."

"Thank you, Senpai." For some reason, a lump surfaced in Mash's throat (was it because of some of the Servants staring into the back of her head?), but she persisted with a quieter voice of, "What is 'love' to you?"

The thoughtful look on Vy's face immediately morphed to that of surprise as she processed the question, a glint of shock shining in those blurry eyes for once not covered up by her glasses. "What brought this on, Mash?" A hint of worry emerged in her voice as she continued with a hurried, "Did someone hurt you? Do I have to call Dr. Roman or Da Vinci?"

The sudden visible tension in Vy's shoulders clearly spelled out, Do I have to go get the prototype Water Tribe-inspired boomerang to help you feel better—?

Oh no.

"N-No, no, Senpai, nothing like that happened!" It's not entirely wrong, Mash told herself fiercely, clamping down on the horror and the sharp twinge of pain that ran through her left ring finger. "Love was just something I was reading about. And you always went into every Singularity for the family that you love, Senpai, so I just…" The lump from before started to bubble up in the back of Mash's mouth, making her stop her train of thought just to prevent any choking. With a careful breath, she then exhaled, "I wanted to know what you thought about it. About… about 'love.'"

"Oh." The spark of protective anger that had emerged in Vy's unfocused brown eyes faded at Mash's quick comeback, a contemplative sheen shining in those irises instead as the words lingered in the air. Vy crossed her arms over her blouse, reaching over to grab her glasses while closing her eyes. "That's… a loaded question," the young woman said after a moment, shaking her head to unintentionally bunch up some of her long hair. "But it's not a bad one at all, kouhai, to start off. There's just a lot to unpack here, and this is coming from someone who likes hugging the people she loves to help herself and them feel better."

"…Ah," Mash said. There wasn't really much else she could follow up to in regards to that particular statement.

With a wry laugh, Vy put on her glasses and twirled a loose piece of brown hair around her pointer finger. "How to phrase this…" With a weak attempt at snapping her fingers, Vy cried out, "Love is like a puzzle!"

"P…" Mash blinked, making a vague circle shape with her own fingers while repeating Vy's last word. "Puzzle?"

"Kinda!" A soft embarrassed flush of pink started to climb up Vy's neck, but she still smiled in Mash's direction. "See, everyone has their own definition of what love is, and even then, it can have multiple dimensions depending on the person involved. Multiple sides, like a puzzle. And it can take years for some people to piece it all together. It really depends on who's there." Vy then pointed a finger at herself. "For me, to start, 'love' takes up three main categories." Without a single beat in between, she made a fist and started counting off fingers. "1: family. 2: friends. And 3: loved ones I'd want to be with for as long as I live." With a small huff, Vy clenched her fingers into a half-hearted fist. "There's some overlap between those three for me, though!"

Mash blinked again.

"As an example, Mash, my relationship with you." Vy leaned into Mash's space a bit, as if to emphasize the point she was making, the same warm smile on her face. "We're not blood-related, but you're someone that's more than just a friend to me. You're my beloved kouhai, my honorary little sis — so you're definitely in numbers 1 and 3 for me." Her eyes twinkled past the lenses of her glasses, the brown irises appearing all the more focused as she pulled back with a confident nod. "At the same time, when we first met, I know I called you a friend back then, hence your being in category 2 for a while too!"

"So…" Mash did her best to fight the embarrassing yet pleased heat starting to climb up her cheeks, coughing into her fist for composure, "'love' can change over time, Senpai?"

"Exactly!" Vy did her best to snap her fingers again, failing at making the sound for the second time that day before choosing to nod her head instead. "It all comes with time and the interactions between the people involved. There's even some examples I can cite from old friends where familial love doesn't exist for them because of the circumstances involved. And the forms love can take can be very different depending on who's in what category." Vy closed her mouth, pursuing her lips in thought for a second. She leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest to muse, "Now that I think about it, the way love can feel can be different for others too."

"How it…" Mash's tongue felt dry as she voiced her question. "It feels, Senpai?"

"Mm." Vy cocked her head back and forth between her shoulders, frowning slightly as she tapped a finger against her forearm. "Using me as an example again, I've never felt sexual attraction towards strangers. Romantic love is still a little weird for me too, and that's after being on the receiving end of a confession for two times."

Mash felt a different kind of heat start to climb up her cheeks this time. "S-Sexual? Romantic?"

"Ah," Vy said, hastily opening her eyes with what appeared to be a realization. "Shoot. I probably should've phrased that better." She then scrubbed at her forehead with an angry palm, a light pink returning to her cheeks to match Mash's own heated face. "Murgh, how to fix this… um." Vy coughed, ears turning pink befitting of the situation she made. "For the short version — in the world outside Chaldea, the world I knew before I met you, to preface — 'love' was split into two specific categories separate from mine." She started counting off fingers again. "1: physical, and 2: emotional. That's what I mean by 'sexual' and 'romantic.'"

"I… see?" Mash said intelligently. She was starting to wonder if she should've grabbed a cup of water too. Maybe it would've helped with the warming air and the dryness of her throat. "By the 'physical' aspect of love, Senpai, are you referring to the act of… well, intercourse humans do to create a child?"

Vy inhaled sharply through her nose in response, keeping a palm to her face as she nodded, pink fading from her cheeks and ears. Whether or not the inhale was from embarrassment or disgust, Mash couldn't tell. "…Yes," she eventually allowed after giving herself a moment to regain some composure, letting her hand fall to readjust her crooked glasses on her nose in the meantime. Mash wasn't sure when they became crooked during their conversation, but she waited for Vy's next answer. "About that…"

More than 15 seconds passed. Something was wrong. Mash extended a hand in Vy's direction. "Senpai?"

"I-I'm okay, kouhai, I'm okay." Vy raised her head to meet Mash's gaze before her hand made contact, the dull sheen in those brown irises appearing everything but okay as she shook her head. "I was just trying to figure out how to word this." Vy laughed quietly, shrugging her shoulders weakly to match her tone of voice. "I've never been good at Sex Ed, but I'll do my best."

"O-Of course, Senpai, just don't push yourself." Mash said hastily, lowering her hand to the table. "What were you trying to get at earlier?"

"Well…" Vy scratched at her cheek sheepishly, an awkward light coming back into her eyes to illuminate the previously dull brown irises there, easing some of Mash's worry along the way. "Sexual intercourse can sometimes make up all of one's definition of love. Well, if you asked someone that wasn't me, I mean."

And now there was the next new bit of unexpected information.

Mash blinked again. "…What?"

"Take Queen Medb and how she wanted to jump Cu Alter back in America as an example, Mash," Vy said, slowly slumping back in her seat. "Even though she was our enemy, I could still tell she wanted to do the deed with him, both for the physical pleasure and for the emotional aspect of it. I'd even go so far as to say her desire looked more 'physical' than anything, and I could still be wrong since I never got the chance to talk to her civilly." With a roll of her eyes, Vy crossed her arms again. "Even now, I never really liked how overly gung-ho she was about it, but that was her definition of love. Screwing the world over to have a version of a hero who could love her back in the physical and emotional parts, sex and all."

That part, Mash could follow at least. "So," Mash filled in for the white space, absently tapping her fingers against the table, "are you saying that there are some people outside of Chaldea who would see love as nothing but the physical action filling it in, Senpai?"

"Aye." Vy's gaze turned all the more contemplative with her reply, one of her boots absently tapping the floor beneath them. "And the thing is, that physical action of sexual intercourse has its own spectrum of feelings too. Some, like Queen Medb, would constantly go for it for the sake of simply doing it, even if there was no tangible emotional attachment to their partner. Some others would only do it with their special other. Then there's me." Vy pointed a thumb towards her own chest, her accompanying smile appearing dry and resigned. "Someone who refuses to even partake in that kind of act because it feels disgusting at the moment."

"D—" Mash was befuddled now. "Disgusting? But isn't intercourse a part of normal human biology?"

"It is, Mash, but the sad thing is, when looking at Proper Human History and how warfare can be conducted, that biological act of intercourse can be abused. Twisted. It does involve two people sharing their most intimate parts, after all, and the sad reality comes from how that joining can at times be nonconsensual." Vy's smile turned sadder with the words, a glint of something shining in her eyes past her glasses that gave Mash a bad feeling. "The storybooks don't cover it a lot, and even Sherlock Holmes himself had to tread carefully when victims of sexual abuse were brought into the picture. I'm just in an odd boat about it and would rather not partake in it at all when it means giving up a part of me I'm not ready to give up yet."

Another sharp twinge went through Mash's left ring finger and she knew. Even without asking. "It's… it's not always that way, is it, Senpai?"

"Referring to intercourse and love, Mash?" Vy clarified, and when Mash nodded, she smiled again. "No, it isn't. Neither are supposed to be that way. But from some of the people I've met, some of the things I've seen, they can be. And that isn't right." With a soft sigh, Vy leaned back into her chair again. "But I didn't mean to make it out like all love is bad, no. What really makes love 'special'," Vy made exaggerated air quotes with another smile before letting her hands fall into her lap, "is how it can bring people together. Some as friends forever. Others as partners for life. Even those who want to make a family with that special someone, partaking in marriage and intercourse to consummate that." With a little shrug of her shoulders, Vy let out one final hum. "The Disney movies almost always had the happy endings for the princesses be a happy marriage, but that isn't the final goal in life for some people. It shouldn't be held up as a goalpost for everyone, in my opinion."

Mash nodded slowly, a small bit of moisture coming back into the corner of her mouth. "…Like for you, Senpai?"

"Like for me, kouhai, aye." To Mash's surprise, Vy giggled, covering her mouth for a moment before a warm twinkle emerged behind her glasses. A light that Mash could describe with nothing but Senpai. "There's actually an umbrella term for how I feel about both sex and romance, but that can be a story for another day. What matters right now is you, Mash." Vy tilted her head at Mash again, shrugging her shoulders as she finished in a weaker voice, "I didn't overwhelm you with my rambling, did I?"

"N-No!" Mash immediately found herself raising her hands in the air while shaking her head vigorously, hoping that Vy understood. That Senpai knew that no one was hurt. Compared to back then— "Not at all, Senpai! If anything, I…" I'm a bit more lost, but I understand you more now, I think. More so than Beryl Gut, at least. Out loud, she said, "I think I get it."

Vy still slowly blinked at Mash, brows furrowing against her forehead. "I'm glad, but you don't have to push yourself to understand it all in one go, kouhai," she said close to a whisper, understanding softening the tense curve of her shoulders as she sat back in her chair. "It's a lot to process, emotional conclusions. And what I said in the end is my conclusion — it doesn't have to be yours if you don't want to think that way."

Mash blinked back, lowering her hands. "I… I don't follow, Senpai."

"Ah. Lemme rephrase it then." Vy smiled again, reaching over with one extended pointer finger to gently poke Mash on the nose. Mash could almost hear the metaphorical Boop. "What you heard is still my opinion in the end, Mash. What your opinion of love turns out to be is all up to you and you alone. Don't let me decide it for you."

"…Oh," Mash said, feeling that same heat from before start to climb up her cheeks again. "I'll… I'll try, Senpai."

Vy hummed, retracting her hand. "That's all I'll ever ask for, beloved kouhai. Take your time."

Mash still peered at Vy through her bangs with a face. "Still, Senpai?"

"Hm?"

I know you're not Beryl, and I'm so, so glad about that, Senpai, but…. I just want to make sure. "If you had to summarize what 'love' is in a few words, what would it be for you?"

The smile Vy gave Mash that day seemed almost dazzling compared to anything else she had seen before. Faint, but honestly sweet too. So different from the red eyes and the fanged smile Mash remembered from another time, before she had met Senpai. "Love for me would be hugging the people I care about, Mash. Being able to hear their heartbeat. And if they hugged me back, I'd be happy enough with that. Because it's only with the people I care about that I'm really home."

Without a word, Mash found herself unconsciously smiling back.

Three Lostbelts later, when coming back to the Wandering Sea, Mash finally understood why Vy said things the way she did.

It was supposed to be a quiet morning, going and waking Master up so that the New Director could start handing out orders for what to do next with Sion and Holmes. Even with three Lostbelts eliminated, there was still work to be done.

But this time, for once, knocking on the familiar white door with the poppy flower drawing taped on it revealed something new.

"W-Wait a minute, just wait — I'm coming!" rang out from behind the door, and Mash found herself lurching back once it slid open with a sound closest to what an automatic door could replicate of a bang. Mash wasn't surprised to see Vy was standing behind it, but it was still odd to see her puffing in a white dress and barely tied black ribbon sash, loose brown hair slightly tangled against her neck as her glasses slid awkwardly down the bridge of her nose. If Mash didn't know any better, Vy looked close to hyperventilating.

"Senpai?" Mash said out of reflex, a hint of worry already starting to bubble up in her voice.

"M-Mash?" There was a scared look in Vy's normally warm brown eyes as she put a hand to the doorframe (and was that a green ribbon between her fingers?), a frantic undertone to her normally high-pitched voice as she went on with a hurried, "W-We came back from China just yesterday, right?"

"W-We did, Senpai, the Chinese Lostbelt was confirmed to—" Mash cut herself off, feeling the disappear word taste bitter on her tongue before hastily substituting in, "have been resolved. The Shadow Border successfully docked back into the Wandering Sea last night, why—"

"Sorry, Mash, Ineedtochecksomething!" was all the Shielder could parse from Vy's passing form as the last Master started to run — dress, sandals, tangled hair and all — out of her room and into the hallway. Mash blinked once, and Vy's form grew smaller from her point of view, the hems of her dress fanning out behind her as she kept running. The only thing Mash could still make out was the green ribbon tightly clenched between Vy's fingers.

Wait.

Mash startled, her feet moving before her mind could catch up. "S-Senpai, that isn't the way to the Command Room—!"

Mash found herself puffing for breath once she caught sight of where Senpai was going, her legs screaming as she finally slowed her pace. Perhaps it would have been better to transform into her Demi-Servant attire, but there was something about Vy's figure that made it seem like a bad idea. Even through her fogged-up glasses (sweat did not make that any less troubling), Mash could see her slowly approach the two doors leading to the Novum Chaldea Dining Hall.

Senpai…? Was all Mash could think of at that moment, her legs moving forward and against her common sense's urging to get closer. She could see that Vy had stopped in front of the open entrance, eyes widening at whatever — or whoever — was inside.

Mash walked closer as quietly as her tired feet could allow, peering past Vy's shoulders to pause.

The scene inside could've been taken from before the advent of the Lostbelts, as if they were back in the original Chaldea. The coffee machine buzzed loudly past the counter "island" leading into the kitchen as Robin Hood lingered in front of it, No Face May King draping his shoulders and paper cup in hand as he waited for the dispenser to start. Marie Antoinette was lingering behind him, a matching teacup and saucer in her grasp as she hummed a tune under her breath. Achilles stood at Robin's other side, tapping a foot absently against the floor as he waited his turn at the coffee machine with his own cup. At one of the tables, Chevalier D'eon, Medea, Shiki, and Arturia Pendragon were all sharing a quiet conversation over a pot of their own tea, their heads turning to the entrance once they noticed who was at the door. Even Archer EMIYA, Tamamo Cat, and Boudica were darting back and forth between the various cabinets of the kitchen, most definitely cooking something and pausing only when they caught a glimpse of Vy lingering in the doorway.

From what little Mash could see of Vy's face past her tangled long hair, Vy's mouth opened without a word just as Marie took notice too and gently nudged Robin's shoulder. The May King turned just as Vy whispered a raw and disbelieving, "…Big Robin?"

Robin blinked as steam started to float off the coffee machine's top, his quizzical stare slowly softening into a fond look in Vy's direction as he met her gaze and answered with an equally soft, "Morning, little sparrow." Putting his cup down underneath the coffee dispenser, he then placed a hand on his hip, clearly giving Vy his full attention as he added, "You're up early—"

Mash blinked once before she could see Vy bend her knees through her dress to jump.

"Whoa—!" Robin's eye widened once Vy collided with him like the flying projectile she was unintentionally imitating, and it was evident that his Servant strength was the only thing keeping his composure together as he had no choice but reel backwards from the sudden weight, barely avoiding hitting the kitchen island behind him. Whether or not she noticed, Vy didn't show it — instead, she wrapped her arms around Robin's middle to squeeze with all of her strength, shoulders shaking. Marie and Achilles took a step back from the duo once Vy's sandaled feet touched the tile floor of the Dining Hall, the Riders sharing a wide-eyed glance with Robin over Vy's head once Robin was looking between them all.

Help, was all Mash could mentally voice to Archer once he was meeting her eye. Senpai is—

Even when Mash could still make out Vy's figure thanks to her white dress, she still looked so small compared to the towering Lincoln green of Robin's clothes as he turned back to her, carefully resting a hand on top of Vy's head and patting down one tousled patch of hair. "…Vy?" he whispered.

It took a moment too long for Mash to realize the coffee machine was whistling and Vy was starting to cry. "Y-You're real," was the watery wail that escaped into the Dining Hall past Robin's tunic, Vy pressing herself further into his figure as her fingers squished that one green ribbon between her palm and his clothes. "You're really here. You're real, you're back…! Robin…!"

Oh. The corners of Mash's eyes started to sting.

Achilles inhaled sharply from his place near the coffee machine just as Marie took a step closer, resting a gentle gloved hand against the back of Vy's shoulder as Robin softened his stance. It didn't even take a second for him to wrap his arms around Vy's waist to match the hands she was using to tightly cling onto his cloak. "Where would I be if not here, little sparrow?" he answered softly, leaning down to press his cheek into the top of her hair. "This is supposed to be our new home away from home now, isn't it?"

"I-I know, I know, but I dreamed that— that—" Vy chokes then, enough to cough mid-sob and cause a wave of worry to spread throughout the Dining Hall as all Servants present put down their things (cups, plates, and so on), rushing over with outstretched hands of their own in Vy's direction. "I almost thought that you all were gone again—!"

"Never." With that uncharacteristically vehement statement left to linger in the air, Robin tightened his grip to tuck Vy further into his offered warmth, raising a hand to start brushing some tangles out of her disheveled hair. "You used a Grail on me, little sparrow. I'm not going to leave you that easily." Marie and Achilles both nodded vigorously just as Cat let out a keening noise caught between a bark and a meow, a paw raised in the air. "Especially not after the Mage's Association."

"And neither will any of us," Arturia piped up firmly, reaching past Marie to rest a hand against the small of Vy's back past her ribbon sash. "We are your Servants first, Princess. Yours alone. Not the new Director's, not any other mage's, but yours."

Vy raised her head from Robin's tunic just to let out a soft, wordless cry in Arturia's direction, and when the former King Arthur closed in to wrap her arms around Robin and Vy both, making the other Servants start to follow her lead and join in, Mash felt her heart skip a beat.

So this is…

A hand was pushing at the back of her shoulder, making Mash stumble forward and bump into d'Eon, and looking back revealed the smaller Da Vinci's smile just before d'Eon pulled her into the massive gathering of arms and limbs.

Go find your love, Mash, Da Vinci's blue eyes seemed to say. You can do that now.

Mash looked into the group hug where Vy stood in the center, continuing to cry loudly and wiping at her face with her hands while Robin and the other Servants did their best to comfort her, and took a breath.

Remember this, Mash. Her left ring finger twitched at the memory starting to flood the back of her mind. You will become a thing of beauty one day. You'll know it when the time comes, and so will I.

Back then, in her old room, Mash didn't have an answer. Her ring finger was too far bent for her to even think of an answer thanks to all the pain. But now?

When looking at her Senpai being human, crying out her pain with the Servants who loved her—

You don't know me, Beryl Gut. You never did. You never did see the beauty here, when I'm home with Senpai.

You don't deserve to see it.

You may have meant it when declaring your love to me, but I will never understand it.

I hope I never will.

The new Director could take a rain check on the next meeting for now. Mash merely extended her arms and hugged Vy and her family back.

Note: As of this chapter's initial publishing (August 18th, 2022), it's been a day since the end of the 7th week after my grandpa's passing (originally on June 30th, 2022), so he's most likely in Nirvana with Buddha now, having fully departed the world of the living.

Be Vy still loves you, Ong Ngoai. Thank you for letting me hug you for all these years. I hope Buddha takes good care of you and that Di Thuy can hug you in my place.

For everyone else, I'll see you next time.