Arc 1: The American Psycho [XII]

Chapter: The Little Brat.

Ask detectives and police officers all around the world, they will tell you the exact same thing. They are not afraid to interrogate hardened career criminals or rich people with connections. That's what they are trained for; it's all part of routine procedure, it's in the job description, you are supposed to be good at it. But when it comes to getting answers out of little kids, even veterans of the field don't know exactly what to do, how to approach the situation, because you are not dealing with an adult or even a teenager, who understands what he did wrong and has some inkling of the consequences involved. You are dealing with a little kid, who is more interested in enjoying her ice cream, then finding out that a serial killer is lose in the hotel that she is staying at, and that her mother who she knows is an assassin, courtesy of her telepathy powers, is out to get him. But funnily enough that's not what's bothering him at the present moment.

"Anya, is there something you want to tell me?" Hikigaya finally asked.

Anya was having a Neopolitan, the classic plain vanilla, chocolate and strawberry flavoured ice-cream. It was reflective of her childhood, her innocence and he figured it reminded the kid of her old country which she left behind. Hikigaya was having Cookies n Cream, because even when it comes to something as simple and common place as getting an ice cream, he preferred the harmony of black and white, where it's all about balance, the balance in texture (creamy Vs crunchy) and the balance between mix in ratios (cream to cookie).

"Anya don't know." Anya replied. "But Hikki is not sure what he wants to do. Hikki wants to intero – Hmhp! – big word. Anya don't know what it means. Anya give ups."

He let a small smile sit on his lips. "You know you overdo it with the whole mentioning your own name in the conversation over and over again just to give the impression that you are a sweet and innocent kid and don't know anything which might land you in trouble with the adults. It's a good trick. I know some people find it cute and are fooled by it, but I am not one of those people."

Anya glared at him. "Hikki is the worst!"

Hikigaya wasn't remotely offended. "Not really. I'm just one of the leading deception experts in the world."

Anya made a face and focused on her ice cream. "Hikki is saying big words again."

Hikigaya faltered. "Sorry. Um, let's just say I am a consultant."

Anya put the spoonful of ice cream in her mouth and while affecting a completely nonplused and disinterested look, said the following sentence in a voice which carried to the next table. "Hikki is a cunt."

Hikigaya sputtered and choked and his eyes widened before narrowing dangerously into thin slits. Needless to say he was more than a little angry. "Excuse me? What did you say to me, young lady?"

"Hikki is a cun-!"

Before she could repeat the same sentence involving the same, derogatory curse word, Hikigaya picked up his spoon, scooped a little bit of his ice-cream and shoved it into the little brat's mouth. Well, that's one way to shut the kid the hell up, he thought. But it didn't have the desired effect. Anya Forger licked her lips and her eyes twinkled. "It's delicious! Anya wants to try Hikki's ice-cream."

Thank God, he wasn't a parent to a six year old little child. He wondered how the hell Mrs. Forger managed it. Oh yeah, she was a goddamn assassin, and he was kinda assuming things, but he was pretty sure The Thorn Princess wasn't exactly nominated for any Mother of the Year awards. And he was quickly realizing another thing – Anya Forger was a little brat.

Anya slammed her spoon on the table and threw a small tantrum. "Anya is not a brat! Anya is a good kid." She actually glared at him. "You take it back!"

Hikigaya crossed his arms over his chest and looked kinda smug, sitting there enjoying his ice-cream with what his mentor back in America had dubbed a 'shit eating grin'. He didn't particularly like the expression. It kinda spoiled his appetite. But you know what they say, if the shoe fits...

"Sorry kid," Hikigaya replied, and this time just to tick the brat off even more, he grabbed his spoon, leaned forward and scooped a big spoonful of her ice-cream and while making a big show of it, put it into his mouth, while savouring the taste and murmuring a soft exclamation of 'Yummy!', before continuing to speak in a conversational tone. "I just call them like I see them."

He was pretty sure Anya didn't exactly understand that particular phrase, but her mind was preoccupied over more important matters. How could her eyes get that big, he had no clue. It was almost supernatural, but kinda comical, and when she finally snapped back to her senses, and realized what had happened, the kid let out a sharp gasp and looked horrified. And then the glare was back, only this time it was more powerful and potent. But to a twenty something year old adult, she might as well be a little puppy. "I will tell Mama about this. She will kill you in your sleep."

Hikigaya noticed the use of 'I' in the sentence, instead of the usual 'Anya' and he took a note of it. Something to think about later. It wasn't exactly of any note or even remotely surprising. When emotions ran high, even adults slipped up and dropped the act. Although, he would preserve his judgment until later, because Anya was a little kid, she looked like a kid, she behaved like a kid, so the way she talked like a kid, it was not necessarily an act. But telepaths were always difficult to understand. Even little ones.

"And I will tell your Papa that you used a really bad word." Hikigaya replied coolly. "I am guessing he won't be particularly happy about it, now will he?"

To say that Anya Forger was shocked would be a gross understatement. It was like she had learnt an incredible secret through her telepathy powers which completely changed her perspective and how she perceived the world. If he had to describe it, since she was a kid, it was like finding out that Santa Claus wasn't real. But since she was a telepath, if he had to guess, she probably reacted the same way when she figured out that her mom was an assassin.

"You wouldn't! Papa will be really angry." Anya replied, still reeling from the shock and horror. "Anya was just trying to say the cool sounding word. But it was super big. So I shortened it."

Hikigaya tried to wrap his head around that concept, but all it did was set off an annoying migraine and he had to rub his temple. "That's not how words work, Anya."

But Anya Forger insisted with all the confidence of a six year old. "It so does! Father is Papa, Mother is Mama, Television is T.V. -!"

Hikigaya shoved another spoonful of ice-cream into Anya's mouth. He figured it was the only way to make the kid stop, because what she was saying was complete nonsense and there was a logical way to explain to her how what she was saying didn't actually make sense and that she was very, very wrong in her reasoning, but he simply didn't have the patience to deal with a six year old. Once again, he thanked his lucky stars that he didn't have a kid. From the looks of it, he wasn't meant to be a father.

Anya Forger savoured the ice-cream, but then a new twinkle came into her eyes and she crossed her arms over her chest and stuck her chin out, looking all proud and smug. She even had the audacity to laugh haughtily like she had won a really important battle. "Hikki thought he was being clever. But Anya is smort! Anya knows Hikki won't tell Papa. Because Hikki doesn't know Papa."

Hikigaya decided to be a proper adult this time, but that didn't stop him from taking a spoonful of Anya's ice-cream and quickly shoving it into his mouth, before the kid could even think to stop him. The kid looked so sad and miserable. He knew he was being petty, messing with the kid like that, but he never said he was a good role model or a decent human being. Hikigaya was rotten to the core and he wouldn't change himself for anything in this world.

"Hate to burst your bubble kid, but I can easily find your Papa." Hikigaya upped his smugness to an almost unbearable level. "After all, I am a detective."

Anya Forger didn't look remotely shocked or horrified. She was sullen and all her attention was on her ice-cream. "Hikki is a dick."

Once again, Hikigaya sputtered. There was no way she was not doing this on purpose. She was a telepath. There was a good chance she had read a ton of people's minds and the stuff people thought were absolutely filthy. So it shouldn't come as a surprise that she was cussing him out left, right and center. It was probably her way of showing how angry she was at him for eating a bit of her ice-cream.

But he couldn't be a hundred percent certain. For some unknown reason, he decided to give the kid the benefit of the doubt. But not before he tried to teach her an important lesson.

"Anya, repeat after me." Hikigaya stated. "I am a detective." He spelled out each syllable. "De-Tec-Tive."

But like most kids her age, the brat wasn't remotely interested in learning something new in the least. She was more focused on her ice-cream. "Hikki is defective."

Hikigaya let out a tired sigh and just gave up. It was a losing battle not worth fighting. "…Close enough."

Author's Note: Hey. Betrayed Dreams here. Based on the poll results, I deleted the last two chapters. Thank you for your honesty. This is why I like you guys so much. I will start working on the next chapter soon. And hopefully, it will be an improvement. Now I know some of you are worried about the pace of the story, and again I apologize. But you know how I feel about this story - Everything has to be perfect. But, I guess I could kick things up a notch. So here's what I will do. I will try to update this fic faster. But in order to do that, I need to be in the flow. What is the flow? Well, I can't really explain it, but basically, it helps me focus, it helps me write more. You know "Infinite x Universal", the fic with the third highest reviews in OreGairu fandom - I used to write chapters for it daily. And it was only possible because, I got to write about Hikigaya and a new character everyday. Look, what I am saying is, I like writing one-shots and interactions. It's what I am good at. But 'The Ikebukuro Series' and 'The Neo Series' will be plot driven. But in order to write that, I need an escape to practice my writing and get better. It's a bit like excersing my writing muscles.

So, I am thinking about starting a Gaiden Series/One-Shot Series for all the characters who will star in their own 'Ikebukuro Series' and 'The Neo Series'. Trust me, it will help me focus on my writing. You want faster updates right? This is the way forward. Trust me.

Now Hikigaya is a special case. I won't be writing One-Shot/Gaiden Series for him. So, suggest any character other than Hikigaya Hachiman.

Let's do a poll -

Poll#1: Which Character/Anime Should Have His Own One-Shot/Gaiden Series?

Option 1: Frieren.

Option 2: Mashle.

Option 3: Dead Mount Dead Play

Option 4: Suggest An Anime/Cartoon/TV Show/Movie/Book/Game From The Reviews

[Note: It has to have a category in this site. I can't tell you how many fandoms I want to explore, but they don't have a category in this site.]

Please pick accordingly [Note: BUT, I would rather listen to your suggestions. SO, don't pick an option, but suggest something in the review and I will write an 'Ikebukuro Gaiden' for it.]

Again, sorry for the inconvenience.

I will be back with a new and better chapter soon.

Take care.