Summary: Just because he is back in another form of Chaldea, it does not mean he'll be accepted with open arms. Kadoc Zemlupus has to learn that the hard way when the first face he sees when waking up from his Olympus-coma is the spitting image of the Servant he lost to a bullet.

Note: This was inspired by a few things. (1) My shock at finding out in JP that Kadoc apparently joins Chaldea again post LB6, (2) my thoughts on Anastasia and how I actually summoned her Servant version after I cleared Lostbelt 1 a few years ago, and (3) the frustration I felt when finding out two close friends of mine broke up with one another and my emotional attempts at helping them which only resulted in more hurt on one end (and unavoidable tears on mine). Because as much as the initial warning was nice, being told at 3:30 am in the morning was not.

Emotions suck at times, essentially. It's only thanks to my real life Robin and friends like Lang and Os (who've I've known through my NARUTO days) and Carim (who helped me with the drafting of this chapter in the first place) that I feel okay enough to do this.

Content warning for general Lostbelt spoilers post-Olympus and psychological hurt. Gotta say it somewhere.

The theme for this chapter is Magia Quattro from Puella Magi Madoka Magica; with alternatives being Touhou Project's Bad Apple and the track titled M19+20 from Kara no Kyoukai/the Garden of Sinners. Because when covering the journey to a so-called "redemption" in FGO canon, I'm gonna go to the dark stuff.

Here we go. This is gonna be visceral.

Day 63: Wolf's Penance

Achilles leaned back in his seat behind the kitchenette counter in the Grail Lounge with a huff, crossing his arms behind his head. It was obvious he wasn't happy and judging by the air vibrating throughout the room, no one else was feeling the contrary. "What are we going to do about him? Even if that damn Rasputin said Chaldea would be the safest place for him, he's still a former Crypter. We can't trust him."

"I agree." A dainty finger tipped in purple armor tapped the tabletop of the one kotatsu in the Grail Lounge, an action heavily contrasting the dark look on Scathach-Skadi's face. "There is no telling whether he could betray Chaldea again with that self-absorbed head of his. He already tried to break our Master once in his attempts to kill all of us."

"I say we get what we need from him, and then get rid of him." Hokusai added from her place at one of the visitor Grail Lounge chairs, crossing her arms stubbornly over her chest with equally matching discontent. Past her kimono sleeves and small stature, she glowered at the rest of the Grailed as she went on with a louder, "Nothing good ever comes from dealing with a traitor. Especially one that's already made so much trouble for us in the past. Don't matter what his reasons were — he tried to kill us and he tried to kill Vy, and if it were up to me, I'd grind his bones into meal for my paints. That's what someone like him deserves."

"But the decision is not up to you, Oei," Arturia interjected coolly from her place sitting across from Achilles, hands folded against the counter before her solemnly. "It's not up to any of us, individually. The final say still goes to the remaining Chaldea staff and our Princess who is in the center of this. I understand where you're coming from—"

"You ain't got the guts to deal with traitors." Hokusai grumbled under her breath, ignoring the warning spurt of ink from her floating father and the chiding look from Ereshkigal, who chose a standing place leaning against the nearby wall.

"However," Arturia continued unabated, letting the jab go over her shoulder unacknowledged like a passing breeze, "treating Kadoc Zemlupus poorly now would give him no reason to help us. We need information, but we also need allies. If we can avoid keeping another enemy, it's nearly as good as winning him to our side." With a shake of her head, her gaze seemed to be pointed elsewhere as she sighed. "And that is honestly better than the alternative."

"Is it, though?" Meltryllis interjected, tapping her foot pointedly against the floor while crossing her arms. "He still cares for the Crypters. Knowing a waste of EXP like him, he won't sell them out and he won't defect either. He'll take any chance at survival, but that doesn't mean we have his loyalty."

"For once," Robin began in a low, dark voice, "I agree with you there." Over his folded hands at the one work desk in the Lounge (at the moment decorated with arrowheads, half-made arrow shafts, and feathers), the look in his visible green eye was nothing but vengeful as he shook his head. "No offense intended, Saber, but he'd be better off dead than alive. Otherwise we risk Vy getting hurt again, and I'm getting fucking tired of the Crypters doing that."

Arturia pursued her lips. "None taken," she said mildly, letting out another quiet sigh. "And as much as I personally understand everyone's feelings here in regards to the wellbeing of our Princess, it does not change the fact that Kadoc Zemlupus is now housed within Novum Chaldea, and we all need to come to a consensus as to what we should do with him moving forward."

A long pregnant pause followed that remark, with all the Servants present having nothing to rebuke it.

"…Alrighty. With that said and done, I say we—!" Despite her energetically raised hand, Musashi cut herself off once the entrance to the Grail Lounge opened with a quiet whoosh, leaving the Berserker murmuring instead, "Oh… little riceball?"

Sure enough, a quiet Vy stood in the doorway, being led in by the hand of an equally solemn Shiki, rubbing her eyes. The petite Chaldean Master looked small even when near the red jacket-wearing Assassin, literally waddling in as she yawned. "Hello… did we…" Vy left out a soft Fwah noise mid-yawn, shaking her head as Shiki tugged at her hand to bring her into the Lounge. "Did we interrupt something…?"

"…You didn't. We were just discussing the current state of affairs, my flower," Ereshkigal said first, pushing herself away from the wall to hide her shocked silence, taking Vy's other hand once the young woman swayed in place. "You should get to bed for your daily nap."

In spite of Ereshkigal and Shiki's careful guidance, to everyone's surprise, Vy slowly shook her head. "Not… not yet." Another yawn punctuated the end of her sentence, but she still tugged on their hands as she shut her eyes in protest. "Feels like… feels like something happened. What's… what's up?"

The tension bled out halfway through thanks to Vy's words, the other Servants letting out what felt like a breath in unison.

"…'What's up' is an odd way to start things, dear," Skadi starts first, but the smile on her face is genuine as she gets up from the kotatsu to rush over and offer her arms once Vy slumped forward. "You shouldn't push yourself."

"'M… not," Vy insists to the contrary, leaning against the Caster's shoulder as she holds her up in the offered hug, Ereshkigal and Shiki hovering nearby from concern. Space Ishtar floated up close too, just in time for Vy to murmur, "Just… wanted to check in… before sleep…"

Hokusai let out a pointed sigh, ignoring the next warning spurt of ink from her father in favor of saying in a softer but still discontent voice, "Okay then, if you insist… don't blame me for this. Just, what is your opinion on Kadoc Zemlupus, Master? Because I'm dying to know."

All the Grailed were shooting Hokusai pointed looks now, but the words were still out in the open with no way to silence them. And Vy heard them. And sure enough, Vy's eyes widened in response, her glasses falling off her face from her next unsteady sway in place as she backed away from Skadi's reach. Thanks to being nearby, Shiki was quick to catch the glasses before they could hit the floor, letting go of Vy's hand in the process, but it didn't stop the shock from shining anew in Vy's brown irises.

"K… Kadoc?" Vy visibly gulped, letting go of Ereshkigal's hand next to squeeze the front of her shirt as she took a breath. "You mean… what to do with him?" Her next breath came out shakier, something that made all the discontent fall away from Hokusai's face as the others stood stock still. Even the normally composed Skadi reeled back as Vy coughed, "I… I…" The knuckles of the hand she was using to clutch at her shirt turned white, visible tears starting to bubble up in the corners of her eyes. "I don't…"

Shit, rang through the minds of the Grail Lounge's inhabitants like wildfire, and almost immediately Robin ran over while unclasping the No Face May King from his shoulders, draping Vy's head with it as she continued to shake. "Little sparrow," he started in a quiet voice, leaning in so that he could take up most of Vy's attention past Space Ishtar, Ereshkigal, Skadi, and Shiki, "you don't have to answer that if you're not okay with it."

"I-It's not like I'm—" Vy choked again, coughing a little more to the point of her cheeks flushing a sickly pink, even shaking her head once Oei got up from her seat, unintentionally making the Foreigner lurch back. "I-It's not like I'm not okay with it… just wasn't expecting it…" One more tiny cough from Vy was all it took for Oei to run over to the kitchenette instead, adeptly moving past Achilles and the others to start running the faucet for a glass of water. "I just… I just…" Vy wilted underneath the mantle covering her back, shaking her head again as her voice came out both louder and weaker all at once. "My heart's kinda a mess when thinking about him, so it's hard to come up with, with a direct answer."

He tried to kill me and Mash and everybody else like we were nothing, but he also was hurt, he helped us in Olympus even if he was a douchebag, I don't— rang through all the Servants' minds thanks to their shared bond. I don't—

"…There's nothing wrong with that, Vy," Robin murmured softly, reaching over to pull her into his arms once she swayed in place again. Both Skadi and Ereshkigal quickly joined in on hugging their little Master, followed up soon after by Shiki and Space Ishtar (who chose to float down to the ground in that moment) — all of them keeping her close as a hiccup left her lips. "Russia wasn't fun for any of us. It's okay if you don't know — if you can't talk about it now. It doesn't make us support you any less."

It doesn't make us love you any less.

A telling sniffle was muffled in Robin's shoulder as the other Grailed got up from their various seats around the Lounge to slowly join into the group hug. "I-I'm sorry… I'm sorry…" Vy's voice cracked as she went on to choke out, "I-I shouldn't be getting triggered by this kind of thing, I shouldn't…"

"Doesn't mean you should blame yourself for it, Princess," Achilles stated in a matter of fact tone, reaching past Melt and Arturia to pat Vy's head. "Trauma is messy — we're not expecting you to control it or how you react to it. So there's nothing to apologize for."

It was quickly becoming apparent Hokusai was the only one to stay out of the group hug no thanks to the conflicted look on her face as her father took the water glass she prepared out of her hands. Judging by the few glares the Grailed were sending her over Vy's hair, they weren't willing to let her into the gesture either, at least for now. "…I-I'm the one who has to say 'I'm sorry,' Master," Oei said after Toto-sama gave her a chiding spray of ink to her cheek. "I didn't mean to bring up bad memories for ya."

"I-It's not…" After a few moments, Vy peeked her head out from past Robin's shoulder, eyes clearly red thanks to the budding tears and distinct lack of her glasses. A shake of her head and an accompanying tiny push of her hands was enough for the other Servants to slowly disperse and give her space. Still, Robin ended up becoming the clear exception (almost stubbornly too) with his arms pointedly resting in support against her back and shoulders as she continued to shiver. "It's not your fault when I thought I-I could handle it, Oei," Vy admits finally, shaking her head and letting it rest against Robin's chest once he wordlessly offered the support, chin bumping the top of her head. Her hands trembled against the muscles of his forearms as she gasped out, "We can't bring back Russia o-or P-Patxi, but y-you're right in that we gotta do something with Kadoc."

He can't be forgiven, he can't be allowed to wander free, I know that, I know that, I just—

"Doesn't mean ya gotta push yourself to make a decision now, Vy," Oei said mournfully, not even wiping the ink dripping from her cheek as her father flew over to gently offer the water glass to their shared Master with outstretched tentacles. "Just because I was pissed off doesn't mean I wanted ya to feel the brunt of it."

Before Vy could open her mouth in protest over shakily taking her glass of water from Toto-sama, quiet but insistent knocking echoed throughout the Lounge, drawing all eyes to the source of the entrance. As Robin drew Vy closer to him (in such a protective way no one could refute him on that), the others slowly readied their weapons as Skadi carefully walked over to open the door.

Without warning, cold air began to nip at everyone's feet as the doll in the visitor's arms merely raised one tiny limb to wave.

The person standing in the entryway was in no way an enemy.

"H-Hello," Chaldea's Anastasia murmured in greeting past her royal veil, icy blue eyes surprisingly hesitant as she turned to meet the gazes of the other Grailed past Skadi's shoulder. "I-I heard from both Da Vincis that there was talk about the imprisoned Crypter here. Is it alright if I could come in and offer my own opinion?"

Explaining wasn't Anastasia's best trait, she knew that. She was but a young princess who was gunned down at the end of her days without mercy, after all. Not a politician, nor a ruler like her father was in life. Still, she tried.

If it's for Master, then I—!

"…You want to do what?" Musashi asks first in obvious disbelief, uncrossing her arms from her seat at the kotatsu. Anastasia doesn't miss how the Berserker tosses a concerned glance towards the one partition in the Lounge, where Vy lay in bed with Robin rocking her to hopefully fall asleep for her daily nap. "Observe him? Did I get that right?"

Even when hugging Viy to her chest, Anastasia felt small underneath the stares of the other Grailed as she nodded her head.

"…Anastasia," Skadi says next, making her look up at her fellow Caster only to lurch back at the sympathy shining in those red eyes. "If my hunch is correct, you're proposing this as some form of redemption for what happened in the original Chaldea and Russia, but that isn't necessary." The former Lostbelt King shook her head with a sad smile. "None of us blame you for your Lostbelt self's actions when that was on an entirely different 'you' that Kadoc Zemlupus summoned."

"A-And I know that!" Just from how Vy had offered her hand in greeting in the dawn of the Shadow Border docking in Scandinavia, Anastasia knew she wouldn't be able to forget it even if she was Unsummoned. That was just how kind Vy was, recognizing Anastasia as a person instead of just someone who wore the same face as her past enemy. It was why the Grailed were giving her a chance, she knew that. "But it's honestly…" Hard, agonizing, painful, "difficult, leaving it alone. And as much as that other me isn't the me that I am now, there was something about her that… that made Kadoc fall in love with her."

Whatever Skadi meant to say died on the tip of her tongue because she opened her mouth to find nothing, closing it a second later. Anastasia doesn't miss how Achilles reaches over to pat Skadi's shoulder, and she tries not to flinch once the Rider turns to her with a raised brow. "You're…" With a steady breath, the former hero of the Trojan War frowns, closing his yellow eyes to lean back on his hands to glance up at the ceiling. "Are you trying to understand him? Is that it?"

Anastasia could do nothing but nod. "Even if… even if I'm not her, she still meant something to Kadoc Zemlupus. And if we want him on our side, I might be the best chance at getting him to do so."

"…As much as the idea is promising, it is a risk," Arturia interjects solemnly for the first time, shaking her head as all attention goes to her. "Russia already saw him do… do something to that other 'you' that corrupted her, Anastasia. Made her into someone not even close to that of a Heroic Spirit until her very last breaths. And there's no guarantee that he wouldn't do it again when he sees you."

"He already tried to make Avicebron break away from Vy during his attacks on the Yaga camp," Achilles growled suddenly for input, sitting up and crossing his arms over his chest. "Only reason it didn't work was because Avicebron needed to make his final golem to help Vy. There's no time for giving him possible second chances when the next Lostbelt could open up at any minute now."

All the Grailed (excluding Robin, who was still hugging Vy despite the young woman finally falling asleep, and Shiki, who stayed remarkably silent) and Oei (who kept to her own corner) proceeded to exhale long sighs.

Even so, Anastasia hugged Viy to herself. "Don't worry. I have Viy with me. And I want to do this."

Silence reigned after Anastasia said the words, every one of Vy's closest Servants exchanging looks in uncertainty. What breaks it is the sound of Shiki tapping the tabletop of the kotatsu with one hand, opening her eyes to show blue irises highlighted with rainbow violet streaks in Anastasia's direction. "…You're a fool," she said quietly, Mystic Eyes glowing, "to think it'll be easy."

Anastasia opened her mouth.

"But," Shiki interrupted, blinking her eyes to make the gathering mana dissipate in favor of feigned disinterest, "you're sure about doing this?"

Anastasia closed her mouth. In her arms, she could feel Viy squirm, raising tiny limbs to touch her own. Looking down at the familiar made her smile, liquid courage starting to flow through her veins to match. "…Yes."

Shiki sighed. "Fools attract fools, it seems, whether it's back home or here." Then, to Anastasia's surprise, she merely tugged at the hems of her red jacket sleeves, ignoring the quiet "Hey" that Musashi and Robin both said aloud. "Then I'll go with you, just in case. Makes it safer that way. Maybe bring Asagami along too if she's up for it." A slow, not-so-nice smirk formed on Shiki's face as she adjusted the collar of her blue kimono past her jacket. "And besides — I have some choice words with the pompous jerk who thought he could have everything."

Waking up has always been a slog for Kadoc. Even before everything with the Foreign God, the mere action of getting up felt like wading through a heavy, murky sea always ready to drown him again when he closed his eyes no thanks to how much work it took just keeping up with Chaldea's standards.

It's why he wasn't expecting to open his eyes. Douman's attack should've been enough to murder him, to execute him. He wasn't supposed to be waking up in a hospital bed.

He wasn't supposed to be seeing Anastasia looming over him like nothing had happened.

The oxygen mask over his nose and mouth fogs up to match his heart suddenly pounding through his chest, threatening to burst from the emotions starting to rush through his veins as those icy cold blue eyes reflect his battered image.

I couldn't save you, I lost you to a bullet, how are you—

Anastasia then blinks, and the illusion is broken once he sees the red-jacketed Assassin looming over her shoulder. The Anastasia looking at him — it's not her. It's—

"So," she says quietly, her voice an eerie echo of hers as she hugs a doll looking just like her Viy to her chest. "You're Kadoc Zemlupus."

I am, but you—

It's not you.

The hope surging up through his ribs dies and Kadoc closes his eyes again. He's not sure why he hears another voice going, "Wow, I'm amazed this guy thought he could save the world if he's this weak to faint at the sight of you."

Kadoc already knows he's a failure by the time the sea takes him again to drown in its darkness. Why does this other voice have to add to it?

The next time Kadoc opens his eyes, it's to the smell of freshly cooked porridge and apples. The other Anastasia is there again, carefully checking the IV strapped to his arm and leaving that other Viy sitting on the nearby countertop rather creepily. The doll choosing to play with the discarded apple peels nearby didn't help his growing unease.

But the fact that there was porridge — did someone in Chaldea make him some? Why? Was it her?

Why, why, whywhywhy—

He couldn't entertain the thought once she was turning those blue eyes on him again. His heart was speeding up against his will, his oxygen mask fogging up from the effort as his breath stilled in his throat.

"You're awake again," is all she says, letting go of the IV to take a few steps closer. Her heels make soft tap tap noises against the tile floor, her touch cold to his cheeks once she adjusts the mask on his face. "Are you able to eat something?"

Kadoc opens his mouth and finds nothing in it, tears unconsciously forming in the corners of his eyes as he closes them. "I…" He coughs. "I…"

Why couldn't you be—

"Quit it, Anastasia." To his surprise, the same dry voice from before breaks the moment he finds himself in, sounding more cold and unforgiving than what Kadoc can even remember of Russia. "Babying him isn't going to get us anywhere."

Kadoc barely can find the strength to turn his head in response, feeling his neck constrict on itself once he gets a blurry glimpse of red-streaked rainbow eyes past Anastasia's suddenly frozen figure.

Mystic Eyes. Rainbow class. Death Perception. How—? Where was this in Russia—?!

The Assassin-class Servant — his lingering senses as a Mage could only make out her stats, and none of them looked good — merely glared at him with her Mystic Eyes, irises flashing red to match the red leather jacket she was wearing over her blue kimono. "Huh," she said in a feigned mildness, crossing her arms over her chest, "so now you notice me. That's rich, coming from the man who thought he could've saved the world."

"Shiki," Anastasia says sharply, making Kadoc's heart jump, "Intimidating him is not going to help."

Is she… defending me? Why?

The aptly named "Shiki" rolled her eyes, the red streaks in her eyes still pointedly bright against the dark blue irises beneath them as she shook her head. "If you haven't forgotten, Anastasia, I did say I had words for him. You're just finally getting to them."

Anastasia still sighed, turning her head away from Kadoc to face the tray of food Viy was apparently guarding, raising a hand to… to grab a ladle and scoop porridge? Why was she doing this? She wasn't… she wasn't his Servant anymore. Right now, she was Vy's, from the sounds of things. So then, why—?

"Your face is definitely boring," Shiki adds suddenly, and Kadoc can't suppress the shiver climbing up his spine once he turns to find those dark Mystic Eyes focused on him. "It'd be easy to kill you right here and now. Even without Vy's orders."

Kadoc felt himself go stock still as Anastasia raised her head from her work of scooping out porridge from the steaming pot nearby, another offended "Shiki" on her lips if not for the Assassin raising one hand to stop her.

"But killing you?" Shiki's gaze is strangely beautiful and horrifying all at once, the Mystic Eyes of Death Perception glowing as she shakes her head. "With how pathetic you look right now, it's not worth it."

…Huh?

Kadoc doesn't even realize his jaw has dropped until Anastasia is taking off his oxygen mask and he's coughing from the sudden assault of so many different smells coming up to his nose. Shiki doesn't even bat an eye the entire time he does so, waiting for him to recover with one raised brow before exhaling one long sigh.

"Wh-Why—?" Kadoc finally gets the word out in a voice that doesn't sound like it belongs to him, shutting his eyes from sheer fatigue and exertion. "Why do you say that…? It's not fair…"

Shiki and Anastasia both blinked at him.

"I-I could've done it too…" Kadoc knows it sounds pathetic, more so with him stuck to a damn IV drip in bed, but the words keep spilling out with nowhere else to go. With no one else to really listen, because what happened in the Command Room back then shouldn't have happened. "I was chosen for Team A, not her… I-I could've saved the world like she did… I—"

I could have done better, was on the tip of his tongue, but Kadoc doesn't get the chance to voice it once he blinks and finds the tip of a knife sitting at the edge of his nose. He feels himself go cross-eyed at the tanto blade, looking up into the Mystic Eyes of Death Perception again with a gulp.

When did—

"…You flinched," Shiki points out too mildly, too casually for the way she's nearly straddling him on the bed and the angle she's aiming her knife at his face, but the implied threat is still real. "Vy had to learn how not to do that. What makes you think you could stand up to her if you can't even stare death in the face right now?"

Kadoc couldn't even find the strength to open his mouth for a witty retort. Hell, he could already feel sweat dripping down his brow as he gulped.

I'm dead. If I move, I'm definitely dead.

There was no doubt. It was a mere fact waiting to happen.

"…Shiki," Anastasia says again, and this time a cold air blows through the room as a dainty hand comes up to rest on the Assassin's free arm that's not holding the knife. "That's enough."

Shiki sighs, staring at Kadoc for a few more seconds before she lets Anastasia pull her back, sheathing her knife in her kimono obi as she stands up. "I know," she growls, barely audible rage echoing in the voice that comes out as Kadoc finds himself trembling because what the fuck. "He makes me sick anyways, Anastasia, so I'll be leaving him to you."

Despite the shock continuing to course through Kadoc's veins, Anastasia merely gives a mild "Thank you" to Shiki as the Assassin slowly walks over to the door.

What was— Is she leaving?! Is that it?!

Kadoc had no idea why he was feeling a sudden sense of relief. Was it to match the warming air in the room?

"Oh, and before I forget." Shiki turns her head just when she rests a hand on the doorframe leading out of the medic bay, giving him what could only be called a sadistic smile. "Just so we're clear, Crypter? Even if Team A survived, you'll never be my Master. Hell, you have no hope of 'saving Humanity' if you can't even face me. Especially when you asked for it."

And just like that, the relief is gone. Kadoc doesn't even realize his vision is blurring until Shiki's already left and Anastasia is wiping at his eyes with a handkerchief. He doesn't even know why he doesn't have the heart to push her away, nor refuse her offering him a spoon of porridge afterwards.

Am I really so weak of a person?

The only thing lightening the tension in his chest is how scalding hot the porridge is when burning his tongue at the first mouthful.

When Kadoc awakens again, Anastasia is bringing in a vase of flowers. With their white petals, they could've resembled anemone blossoms if not for Kadoc's memory failing him from the fatigue. What were they?

Hell. What was he doing? He had better questions than asking about flowers. Why was she still here, taking care of him like nothing had happened? Where was her Viy? Did she come here alone?

Why?

Still, just like the previous two moments, Anastasia notices him staring at her, blue eyes softening to match the careful smile she sends his way. "Were you able to rest alright?" She puts the vase down on the nearby counter, carefully adjusting the bouquet sitting in it before folding her hands in front of her chest to look at him properly. "I'm sorry for burning you with the porridge before."

Kadoc opened his mouth and found nothing in it again. All he can do is shake his head instead, accepting her apology in the only way he knew how, ignoring the growing blurriness of his vision as he blinks.

Why are you worrying about that, you're not—

"Alright." Anastasia still smiles as she meets his gaze, bowing her head just slightly as she takes a few steps to sit at his bedside, adjusting the IV drip again. "As long as you're resting, then that's enough for now. There's a lot of questions I have for you when you're more coherent."

He doesn't know what prompts it. The words spill out without his willing them, frustration and rejection tinging the sound of them as they come out of his throat. "Th-Then why don't you be straight with me and come out with it? That A-Assassin already admitted to hating my guts. Why won't you?"

Why won't you let me die?

It was the only sentence his mouth didn't let go of, but he felt it burn his tongue just as much as the porridge from earlier. Especially when he wanted to say it, but couldn't. He knew he couldn't say it, especially not with the person who looked like her still standing in front of him.

And without delay, Anastasia blinks at him, her smile slowly dimming with the gesture. "…With a reaction like that," she murmurs softly, shaking her head, "it certainly makes it easier to want to hate you."

A shiver climbed up Kadoc's spine and the back of his eyes started to itch.

"But," Anastasia adds, making Kadoc pause, "there's a part of me that just can't." A dainty giggle leaves her lips. "Maybe I am a 'fool' like Shiki said I was, thanks to Vy."

…Huh?

Before Kadoc could say anything, the door to the medical bay is opening again and another chill unconsciously climbs up his spine.

Red eyes lined with streaks of rainbow purple stare at him through clouded irises, contrasting the black spider-lily-adorned kimono that the new visitor dons when walking in. Her hands look delicate through her sleeves, but with the strong aura of mana radiating off her entire being, Kadoc knew she was another Servant.

With those red and purple eyes, though—

I'm dead. I'm seriously dead. Vy really had another set of Rainbow-class Mystic Eyes in her roster?! Or, no, is it—

Kadoc was seriously starting to wonder if some kind of god (outside of the Foreign God, who must've ordered Douman to stab him in the stomach because he found out too much from Ophelia and Kirschtaria's notes) had it in for him out of spite. The Mystic Eyes staring at him were not a pair he could recognize compared to Shiki's infamous Mystic Eyes of Death Perception. These eyes were dark, twisting in on the irises in such a way that Kadoc didn't feel good just looking into them.

Who was this Servant to have this much power without a tangible legend?

"…Fujino," Anastasia said suddenly, and Kadoc felt the sudden pressure sitting on the top of his head lighten some thanks to her voice. "I thought you weren't supposed to visit for another 10 minutes."

The aptly named "Fujino" merely shrugged her shoulders through her kimono, carefully raising her hands to guide herself into the room via a grip on the nearby walls as she shook her head. "Excuse my early presence, Anastasia, but Shiki-san told me I should at least come here once," she murmured, tone sounding eerily similar to Anastasia's own in how cold it sounded in articulating the words. "See what—" Fujino goes on to raise both hands to make air quotes, "—'makes the Crypter tick', she said."

What makes— really?

"And from what I can see," Fujino turns away from Anastasia to then look at him, and Kadoc feels all the saliva in the back of his throat instantly dry up, "I can understand why even Shiki-san didn't like him. He's quite pathetic when seeing him up close compared to our time in Russia when he was lording his presence like a weak dog."

Kadoc already knew saying something in the heat of that moment would be risking something, especially with those red eyes reflecting his image alone, but the response came out instinctually. Naturally even, thanks to the vestiges of anger starting to bubble up in the back of his mouth. "Hey, what makes you tall enough say that—"

All it took was Fujino smirking and Kadoc seeing her lips move to make out a single word of "Bend," and then the nearest flower at his bedside had its stem twist in on itself. The sight playing out before him couldn't even be called something remotely human and he was the Mage. Kadoc could do nothing but gape as the tiny blossom fell out of its vase, away from the rest of the bouquet thanks to the applied force. Petals began to fall off from the bundled center of pistils inside as the stem that was holding it all up broke apart from the unnatural bends it made, the fibers inside exposed rather gruesomely.

Bending? No, distortion? She has Mystic Eyes of—

"Have you ever felt pain before, Kadoc Zemlupus?" Fujino crosses her arms over her abdomen, a strand of violet hair falling past the red shawl she was wearing over her kimono as she walks forward, approaching the foot of his bed with the same glowing red eyes. "Have you ever hurt so much you wanted someone else to notice it? Is that why you lash out at anyone and everyone? Just because no one else can see it?" Her Mystic Eyes were glowing brighter now. "Because I never did until the end. I never felt pain. I could twist your senses to be the same. Just by aiming for your arms and legs."

Kadoc couldn't answer. He knew he wouldn't be able to. Not with the underlying threat that promised his death otherwise.

"Fujino," Anastasia interjects again, and this time, that cold air from before with Shiki is blowing through Kadoc's hair, making him look up to see those cold blue eyes again. Those familiar blue eyes. "You're going too far."

Fujino merely blinked at Anastasia, keeping her arms wrapped around her middle as she shook her head. "Am I? When this man tried to kill our Master? When he tried to break her when she was already bearing pain alone thanks to the weight of the Lostbelts, just because he wanted the 'normal' she had? When she never asked for it?" With one more shake of her head, she finished with a louder, "Pain is not something anyone should have to bear alone, and I only know that now thanks to Mikiya-senpai and Vy. And with how much this Crypter has forced onto her to the point of not speaking, I believe I have every right to remedy that."

Anastasia fell silent.

Kadoc held back the urge to throw up once Fujino was staring at him again, a hand coming up to hide her mouth away from view. He could already guess by instinct that she was still smirking.

"…What a pathetic expression on your face," Fujino murmurs after a moment, shaking her head and closing her eyes. When she opens them again, Kadoc can still see the mana wafting off her in palpable waves — just like Shiki — in spite of her Mystic Eyes disappearing in favor of red cloudiness. "After wandering so much in your own mud, you can't even raise your head to look at another Servant." A tiny laugh leaves Fujino's lips as she turns on the heels of her sandals to face the door. "I suppose Shiki-san was right for once. There's no point in bending or twisting you. If anything, Keita-san would be a better target to kill, and he already lost his precious insides to an accident after I stopped killing."

So wait… Are you saying I'm not worthy enough to kill, just like that Assassin Shiki—

Yet again, Kadoc's vision traitorously blurs just as Fujino approaches the doorway she came through in the first place, any potential words now forming a choking lump in his throat as Anastasia lingered at his side. A soft "Thank you" from the Caster is all it takes for the cold air to dissipate, but Kadoc couldn't feel that same relief like he did with Shiki once Fujino turned to look at him with those cursed Mystic Eyes of Distortion for what felt like one last time.

"Let it be said, Kadoc Zemlupus." The way Fujino pursues her mouth around his name has Kadoc sitting up a bit straighter in his blankets and pillows. It almost sounded like she wanted to throw up instead of him, just because she had to say his name. "There is a reason why Vy succeeded over someone so selfish like you in saving the world. And all it took," Fujino then smiled, "was for her to selflessly extend a hand to a murderer like me and call me her friend."

…What?

"Had you ever seen your Grand Duchess as a human when she was alive, Kadoc Zemlupus?" Kadoc flinches. "Understood why she was gunned down in history and was doomed to repeat it in those icy tundras?" With one more shake of her head, Fujino turns her back on him, pressing her hand to the nearby keypad to open the door and stepping through the open doorway that gave way to her. "For another point of contention, did you ever try to share her pain? To let her be human? Because with the way you are now, I would say her sacrifice was wasted on you."

As Fujino slowly disappears from view, Kadoc only hears another faint whisper of "Bend," another white flower from his bedside table twisting in on itself to fall to the countertop below.

"Now that you are here nonetheless, hold your head up from your accursed, self-absorbed mud and actually think about why you are alive for once, won't you?"

It's only when Anastasia is sitting down at his bedside and reaching over with a handkerchief that Kadoc realizes he's crying again. Unlike with Shiki, it's heaving, painful — overbearing from how much the sobs claw their way out of his throat and stain his scrubs, his blankets, and even the pillowcase underneath his head as he tries to turn away from the woman who was everything but her.

"I—" Kadoc can't look at her. He can't look at this Anastasia, not when he knows it's not the one he summoned. When it just reminds him of how much he failed at even making her the Tsaritza. "I'm just tired when I don't know what else to do."

I want someone to see me. I want someone to recognize me. I don't—

I don't want to be alone anymore.

Anastasia merely keeps wiping at his tears with her handkerchief, a sad look in her blue eyes. "...What a hopeless man you are," is what she eventually says, barely registering in the back of Kadoc's mind. "Stop pushing others away to start, alright? Then go from there." Two fingers reach over to pinch his cheek, making Kadoc yelp before he could stop himself, but he sees those blue eyes sparkle as Anastasia leans in to look at him closer. "Trust is a risk, yes. But if you never let anyone in, no one will acknowledge you and it will always be lonely."

Kadoc feels the next sob climbing up his throat without his consent once Anastasia rests a cold palm against his cheek.

I miss you.

"…What you left off on before. Do you hate me, then?" The question is tinged with pain, longing, and nostalgia all at once, surfacing thanks to looking into those blue eyes.

And even with those blue eyes reflecting the worst image Kadoc's ever seen of himself, Anastasia tilts her head and smiles back. "Not yet," she murmurs, a hint of something tinging the reply as her smile widens. "What do you plan on doing to earn my favor, Kadoc?"

Kadoc closes his eyes, leaning into the cold touch with no strength left in his hands to hide his face away. "…Struggle at life, maybe. Because I'm tired. Of being a traitor, I mean."

Of being treated like I'm an outcast outside of my own mind.

Admitting it warms the back of his neck. Like his Anastasia was watching with approval. He wanted to believe that. Even when being unable to refuse the attention of the Anastasia who sat in front of him, who was bonded to Vy and Vy alone.

"Is that so?"

"…Yeah."

Maybe now, with the Crypters falling apart, he could start to see what made Vy so worthy of Shiki and Fujino's affections. What really helped her save the world once before. Just maybe. Even if it meant getting a bomb strapped to his neck. Because he was still alive, thanks to her.

Nothing could change that, especially when opening his eyes and witnessing the Anastasia sitting in front of him smile again while saying, "Then struggle away. I'll be watching."

We all will.

Kadoc steels his heart and nods.