Cuts of RWBY

A RWBY Fic Collection by AndrewJTalon

DISCLAIMER: This is a fan based work of prose. RWBY is the property of Rooster Teeth and WB Animation. Please support the official release.

Just a collection of plot bunnies and ideas for RWBY fics. Free for you to take and make use of.

For instance... Why doesn't Jaune use guns?

This... Is probably not the reason why.

Our heroes are working in the weapons maintenance class. Jaune is working with Ruby to reforge Crocea Mors.

Ruby: "Don't worry, Jaune! I'll make your sword even better than before!"

Jaune: "Thanks Ruby, I don't want my family weapon to just fall apart."

Ruby: "It's not that bad, but it could use some tender loving care! Don't you, baby?"

Jaune: "Uh... Yeah."

Ruby: "Ooh! And I can add a gun to it!"

Jaune: "Er... No."

Ruby: "What? Come on! What's wrong with a gun? It'll be a big help-!"

Jaune: "I know Ruby, but uh... It's an Arc Family thing. See, whenever we get a gun? We... Change."

Ruby: "Change? Change how?"

Jaune: "Uh, forget it! I shouldn't have said anything! Just-No guns, okay?"

Ruby: looking suspicious "Hmmm..." Brightens "Okay!"

Jaune sighs in relief

Later... When Jaune isn't looking... Ruby gets a Winchester Arms 45 pistol, and sneaks it with her when Teams RWBY and JNPR go on a training mission into the Emerald Forest.

She waits... She waits... She waits... Gets bored, eats cookies... Waits... But then...!

Jaune: "GRIMM INBOUND!"

They fight a pack of Beowulves. Jaune is doing pretty well... But a lucky strike from an Ursa knocks his sword out of his hands.

Jaune: "Shit-!"

Ruby: "JAUNE! CATCH!"

She throws the gun. She also gets Crescent Rose into sniper mode, to shoot and defend Jaune in case whatever happens is dangerous to him.

He catches the gun without thinking, and... A change comes over his. His eyes harden, then widen. He shoots the Ursa in the limbs, then blows it's head off with expert marksmanship.

Jaune: "THAT'S WHAT YOU GET, MOTHERFUCKER!"

The other teams kind of... Pause, as Jaune rampages with the pistol: Blasting apart Grimm while cursing.

Jaune: "YEAH MOTHERFUCKER! THIS IS FOR LIBERTY AND FREEDOM! FUCK YOU, BALLDRAGGERS! RUBY! GET ME MORE CLIPS, DARLING!"

Ruby: "S-Sure!" She tosses them

Jaune: "FUCK YEAH!"

He gets hit by a King Taijitsu, but Jaune just gets right back up and shoots the Grimm in the eyes before punching into its throat and ripping out various organs.

Jaune: "YEAAAAHHH! COAT ME IN YOUR BLOOD YOU MONSTER! TEACH THE REST OF THE GRIMM TO FLEE FROM ME LIKE THE PUSSIES THEY ARE!" He fires repeatedly, blowing away more Beowulves "UP YOUR ASSES, YOU ABOMINATIONS! I'M MAKING THE WORLD SAFE FOR MANKIND AND DEMOCRACY! HOOORAAAAAHHHHH!"

The rest of the Grimm are dispatched. Pyrrha hesitantly approaches Jaune.

Pyrrha: "Um, Jaune? Are you-MMPH?!"

And Jaune yanks her into a tonsil twirling, lewd, messy and noisy kiss.

Jaune: "FWAH! THAT'S FOR BEING A GOOD SOLDIER, PYRRHA! KEEP THIS UP AND I'LL PROMOTE YOU TO MOTHER OF TEN OF MY CHILDREN!"

Pyrrha: bright red, stutters, grins like a schoolgirl "S-Sir, yes sir~!"

Jaune: "HOORAH! GREAT JOB, REN! STONE COLD MOTHERFUCKER, THAT'S YOU! KEEP ICIN' THOSE GRIMM!"

Ren: "... Thank you sir."

Jaune: "NORA! YOU ARE MY DARLING ANGEL OF DESTRUCTION AND YOU'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING WRONG! KEEP IT UP!"

Nora: "SIR YES SIR!" salutes

Weiss: "RUBY WHAT DID YOU DO?!"

Ruby: "I JUST GAVE HIM A GUN-MMPH?!"

And Jaune kisses her too.

Jaune: "MWAH! GREAT JOB, ROSE! KEEP IT UP AND YOU'LL MAKE SIDEPIECE!"

Ruby: dazed, giggles "O-Okay!"

Yang: "JAUNE! WHAT THE FUCK-?!"

Jaune: "XIAO-LONG! GOOD VIOLENCE! WAY TO MAKE THOSE DAMN GRIMM EAT THEIR SPINES! FUCK 'EM UP LIKE THE BOMBSHELL YOU ARE!"

Yang: "I... Well, yeah, but kissing my sister is way past the line-!"

Jaune: "I'LL GET TO YOU LATER ONCE I'VE CHEWED OUT THE DAMN PRINCESS AND KITTY! SCHNEE!"

Weiss: "Arc, what the hell is-?!"

Jaune: "YOUR ONLY ANSWER SHOULD BE 'SIR YES SIR', SCHNEE! THAT WAS A SHITTY PERFORMANCE, DAMNIT!"

Weiss: "But-I-!"

Jaune: "SIR YES SIR!"

Weiss: "S-SIR YES SIR!"

Jaune: "THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING?! YOUR TEAMMATES NEED YOU TO CAST YOUR MAGIC FUCKING MISSILES, NOT DANCE LIKE A BALLERINA! YOU CAN CAST LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING WIZARD! ACT LIKE IT, SOLDIER!"

Weiss: "S-Sir yes sir!"

Jaune: "BELLADONNA! FRONT AND CENTER!"

Blake: "I don't really know what's-!"

Ruby: "YOU HEARD HIM, SOLDIER! FRONT AND CENTER!"

Blake: startled, but obeys

Jaune: "YOUR NINJA SHIT IS GOOD, SOLDIER! BUT YOUR FAUNUS WOE IS ME SHIT DON'T FLY OUT HERE WHEN YOU'VE GOT GRIMM TRYING TO EAT YOU FROM THE ASSHOLE UP!"

Blake: "Wha-What does that even mean-?"

Jaune: "SIR YES SIR!"

Blake: "S-SIR YES SIR!"

Jaune: "YOUR PARTNER WAS GETTIN' SWARMED, BELLADONNA! SHAPE UP AND LOOK OUT FOR HER OR I'LL HAVE YOU COURT MARTIALED! THEN YOU'LL GET A REAMING LIKE ONLY IN YOUR DAMN SMUT BOOKS! IS THAT CLEAR?!"

Blake: "S-SIR YES SIR!"

Jaune: "ALL RIGHT! WE SURVIVED! BUT WE CAN AFFORD TO DO BETTER! EVERYONE DROP AND GIVE ME FIFTY, DAMNIT!"

Professor Port: "Teams RWBY and JNPR! You passed the test, why are you still here?"

Jaune: "SIR! MY TEAMS ARE NOT PERFORMING AS WELL AS THEY CAN, SIR! SO I AM INSTRUCTING THEM AND HARDENING THEM FOR THE NEXT ENGAGEMENT, SIR!"

Weiss: "Help us Professor, he's gone insane-!"

Port: "Ah! Carry on, Mister Arc! Miss Rose! It's good to see some of the old Valean fire still exists!"

Jaune: "SIR! CAN WE GET SOME AIR SUPPORT ON THE NEXT MISSION, SIR?!"

Port: "I'll see what I can do. I miss the old days. Ah, the smell of napalm in the morning. Smelled like victory!"

Jaune: "SIR YES SIR!"

Jaune sees Cardin picking on Velvet.

Jaune: "Geez... I gotta do something..."

Nora: "GO ON, SARGE! KNOCK SOME SENSE INTO HIM!"

Jaune: "Nora, I told you, I'm not gonna do that again! It's too freaky-!"

Ruby, Pyrrha, Yang, and Weiss all shove guns into Jaune's hands.

Blake: "Wait, seriously?!"

Weiss: blush "It-It's about time he took charge!"

Yang: blush "Yeah! Vomit Boy's never been better with a gun in his hand!"

Pyrrha: blush "I-I don't want to be kissed again, or-or anything!"

Ruby: blush "I WANT TO GET KISSED AGAIN!"

Yang: "RUBY!"

Ruby: "WHAT?!"

Jaune has gotten up from his seat and stormed up to Cardin, who is unaware of Jaune's change.

Cardin: "The hell do you want, Jaune-?!"

Jaune: "THAT'S SARGE TO YOU, SOLDIER! OR SIR! OR THE RIGHT HAND OF GOD ALMIGHTY! ATTEN HUT!"

Cardin, shocked, nevertheless feels some compulsion to stand at attention.

Cardin: "What the-?!"

Velvet: "J-Jaune, what are you-?!"

Jaune: "YOU TOO, SOLDIER!"

Velvet: "E-EEP!" She does so "Yes sir!"

Jaune: "NEVER IN MY LIFE HAVE I SEEN SUCH DISGRACEFUL CONDUCT! WE ARE AT WAR! GLORIOUS WAR, FOR THE SAKE OF FREEDOM, LIFE, AND DEMOCRACY AGAINST THE GRIMM MENACE! WHETHER YOU ARE BLACK, WHITE, MALE, FEMALE, GAY, STRAIGHT, FAUNUS, MAN, HOT, NOT-HOT, OR EVEN BRITISH, WE HAVE A COMMON ENEMY! WE ARE BROTHERS AND SISTERS IN ARMS, SOLDIERS! YOU WILL NOT ACT SO DISGRACEFULLY AGAIN! DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?!"

Cardin and Velvet: "SIR YES SIR!"

Jaune: "YOUR ATTEMPTS AT MAKING OUT ARE PITIFUL!"

Cardin: "S-Sir?!"

Jaune: "SCHNEE! FRONT AND CENTER!"

Weiss: "Huh?!"

Jaune: "ON THE DOUBLE!"

Weiss: "Y-Yes sir!"

Weiss quickly rushes up to Jaune's side. Jaune then proceeds to dip her in a tonsil clearing kiss that leaves Weiss bright red and panting happily after.

Jaune: "THAT THERE IS PROPER MAKEOUT PROCEDURE! WHAT YOU TWO ARE DOING IS AN UTTER DISGRACE! IT MAKES ME SICK!"

Cardin: "B-But we aren't-We weren't-!"

Jaune: "BUT! BUT! BUTTTT! BUTTS ARE WHAT I'M GONNA KICK IF YOU TWO DON'T SHAPE UP! NOW WINCHESTER!"

Cardin: "S-Sir!"

Jaune: "YOU ARE GOING TO HOLD YOUR SISTER-IN-ARM'S HAND!"

Cardin: "Sir?!"

Jaune: "ON THE DOUBLE, PUSSY!"

Cardin takes Velvet's hand.

Jaune: "VERY GOOD, WINCHESTER! YOU CAN USE YOUR GODDAMNED OPPOSABLE THUMBS! FUCKING BRILLIANT! NOW SOLDIER, IS IT NICE HOLDING HANDS WITH A HOT ALL-VALEAN BUNNY GIRL?!"

Velvet: "Um, I'm from Atlas, sort of-"

Jaune: "DID I GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO SPEAK, SCARLATINA?!"

Velvet: "EEP! N-NO SIR!"

Jaune: "THEN SHUT YOUR YAP! WINCHESTER, REPORT!"

Cardin: "Y-Yes sir, I like holding hands!"

Jaune: "SCARLATINA! DO YOU LIKE HOLDING HANDS?!"

Velvet: "Y-YES SIR!"

Jaune: "THAT'S GODDAMNED LEWD, SOLDIER! THE BEST KIND OF LEWD! WINCHESTER!"

Cardin: "Sir!"

Jaune: "YOU WILL GO BOND WITH YOUR SISTER-IN-ARMS! YOU WILL TAKE HER ON A DATE! YOU WILL DRESS NICE! YOU WILL ENSURE THAT YOU BOTH HAVE A GOOD TIME!"

Cardin: "Uh, sir-"

Jaune: "DID I ASK YOU A QUESTION, SOLDIER?!"

Cardin: "N-no sir!"

Jaune: "GOOD! ASK HER OUT, SOLDIER!"

Cardin: "DO YOU-Er... Do you want to go out?"

Velvet: "I uh... I mean... Sure?"

Jaune: "THAT IS PUSSY TALK, SCARLATINA! YES OR NO, SOLDIER?!"

Velvet: "Y-YES! YES I WILL GO OUT WITH HIM!"

Jaune: "GOOD! NOW! AFTER YOU HAVE A GOOD DATE, YOU WILL THEN ENGAGE IN COITUS! AND YOUR BONDS WILL DEEPEN SO YOU WILL BE BETTER PREPARED FOR THE GLORIOUS FIGHT AGAINST THE GRIMM MENACE! AND THEN YOU MAY CONTINUE TO GO ON DATES, THEN MARRIAGE AS THE FINAL STEP IN FORTIFYING YOUR BONDS! IS THAT CLEAR?!"

Velvet and Cardin: "SIR YES SIR!"

Jaune: "GET ON IT!"

The two head off, still holding hands, blushing and looking very confused.

Weiss: "Uh... Jaune, I'm... A little confused-"

Jaune: slaps her bottom

Weiss: "EEP!"

Jaune: "I'M TRYING TO TURN RACISM INTO HAPPY BONDING BETWEEN SOLDIERS, SCHNEE! IF IT WORKS, WE'LL HAVE ONE MORE PAIR OF COMRADES IN ARMS WHO WILL FIGHT TO THE DEATH FOR THEIR HAPPY ENDING! A HAPPY ENDING INVOLVING POTENTIALLY DOZENS OF NEW SOLDIERS FOR THE GLORIOUS FIGHT FOR FREEDOM AND DEMOCRACY!"

Weiss: "Y-Yessir!"

Jaune: "AS YOU WERE, SCHNEE!"

Weiss: "... Making out with you?"

Jaune: "YES!"

Weiss: blush "SIR YES SIR!"

Later, after emotions and hormones have died down a lot and Jaune is more clear headed...

Weiss: "But... How? Why?"

Jaune: "No clue. Maybe it's some kind of wacky Semblance for my family? But yeah, the moment we get a gun or smell napalm... We kind of change."

Yang: grins "Hoorah! It's awesome, Jaune!"

Ruby: pouts "You're only saying that because of that kiss!"

Yang: blush "Well, that and the way he fed that Ursa its spleen was art, Ruby. Now, go on and play with your toys, the adults are talking-"

Ruby: "I'M THE ONE WHO FIGURED IT OUT! I GAVE HIM THE GUN!"

Jaune: "LADIES! ENOUGH! Geez...!"

Weiss: "But... Your whole family?! I-I just... It's too insane! It makes no sense!"

Jaune: "Well what else could it be?!"

Blake: "You're mentally ill and just made up that story to appease us for some reason?"

Jaune: sighs "Hang on..." He makes a call "Hey, Terra? Yeah, can you put Saphron on? Give me a second."

Jaune plugs his Scroll into a holoprojector, and in an instant, Saphron and Terra Cotta-Arc, Jaune's sister and sister-in-law, are on screen. They have baby Adrian with them, too.

Jaune: "Hey Sis."

Saphron: "Hey Jaune! What's up?"

Jaune: sigh "I got a gun in my hand and-"

Saphron: nods sagely "Ahhhh. They don't believe you, huh?"

Jaune: "Nope."

Saphron hands Adrian to Terra. Terra hands Saprhon a gun. Saphron sucks in a deep breath... Then glares.

Saphron: "LISTEN YOU STD RIDDEN WHORES! MY BROTHER'S RIGHT! PUT A GUN IN AN ARC'S HAND AND WE BECOME LEAN, MEAN, FIGHTIN' MARINES FOR FREEDOM AND DEMOCRACY! NOW YOU BITCHES BETTER BEHAVE YOURSELVES AND GIVE MY BROTHER A HORDE OF NEPHEWS AND NIECES FOR ME TO SPOIL, MOTHERFUCKERS!"

Jaune: "Saphron, woah, I think that's enough-"

Saphron: "DON'T TALK TO ME WHEN YOU'RE BEING A PUSSY, JAUNE!"

Jaune: "FINE!" He grabs his gun "DON'T GIVE ME THAT LIP, SOLDIER, OR WE'RE GONNA HAVE SOME MOTHER FUCKING PROBLEMS!"

Saphron: "DON'T GIVE ME LIP, PUSSY! NOT UNLESS YOU CAN BACK IT UP!"

Jaune: "FINE! OLD ARC MARINE TRADITION! WHOEVER KILLS THE MOST MOTHERFUCKING GRIMM IN AN HOUR WINS!"

Saphron: "FINE BY ME! I LOVE YOU, YOU LITTLE FUCKING PUSSY BROTHER OF MINE!"

Jaune: "I LOVE YOU TOO, BIG SISTER BITCH!"

They both run off. Weiss is gaping in disbelief.

Weiss: "Wha... But... WHY DID YOU HAVE A GUN READY TO GO LIKE THAT?!"

Terra: blush "... It's Friday night for us, so-"

Weiss: "NEVERMIND! FORGET I ASKED!"

Blake: "I wouldn't mind hearing more-"

Weiss: "DAMNIT BLAKE!"

Ruby: "W-Wait, would that happen if you gave the baby a gun?"

Terra: "Huh... You know, I've never tried."

Ruby: "Well-"

Weiss: "NO!"

Headmaster Ozpin and Glynda Goodwitch wait in the former's office. And naturally, there is a certain subject that Goodwitch would like to talk about.

Goodwitch: "Headmaster, I was dubious at best when you let Jaune Arc in. Now, I think we might be better off expelling him."

Ozpin: "Nonsense! Student morale has never been higher. The use of Dust grenades and air support has greatly improved our mission success and the defenses of Vale! Even the exchange students are getting along! The young man has great charisma!"

Goodwitch: "He firebombed the Emerald Forest!"

Ozpin: "They're trees, they'll grow back."

Goodwitch: sighs "He also seems to have lost his indoor voice."

Ozpin: "Glynda, the Arc Family are fearsome warriors, but to become so, they gained some... Eccentricities. But I assure you, it is well worth it to allow these eccentricities."

The elevator doors open, and Jaune Arc steps out. He walks up to the desk and salutes.

Jaune: "HEADMASTER! PROFESSOR! I HAVE BROUGHT PAPERWORK THAT REQUIRES YOUR ATTENTION, SIR AND MA'AM!"

Glynda: sighs

Ozpin: "What kind of paperwork, Mister Arc?"

Jaune: "PER YOUR INSTRUCTIONS TO FIND MEANS OF IMPROVEMENT IN BEACON'S OPERATIONS, I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF ASKING MY SISTER-IN-LAW FOR ASSISTANCE! SHE HAS PROVIDED SOFTWARE PROGRAMS THAT WILL ALLOW PAPERWORK TO BE COMPLETED IN MINUTES INSTEAD OF DAYS, WITH ONLY A MINOR INCREASE IN THE IT BUDGET, SIR AND MA'AM!"

Glynda looks it over. Her eyes widen in shock.

Glynda: "I... They would... Will you sign off on it, Headmaster?"

Ozpin: "Of course! Anything to make your paperwork load more manageable, Glynda. I asked Mister Arc to look into this with you in mind."

Jaune: "SIR YES SIR! LOGISTICS IS THE KEY TO MILITARY OPERATIONS! IMPROVING LOGISTICS IMPROVES EVERY OTHER ASPECT OF THE MILITARY LIFE, SIR AND MA'AM!"

Goodwitch: "Well... Uh... Thank you, Mister Arc, Headmaster. It's very much appreciated."

Jaune: "IN ADDITION! THIS WILL GIVE YOU ENOUGH TIME TO DATE, MA'AM!"

Goodwitch: "I'm sorry?"

Jaune: "A BEAUTIFUL, INTELLIGENT, AND POWERFUL HUNTRESS LIKE YOURSELF SHOULD NOT BE CHAINED TO A DESK, MA'AM! YOU SHOULD GET TO ENJOY ALL ASPECTS OF FREEDOM AND DEMOCRACY, INCLUDING A HAPPY MARRIAGE AND CHILDREN IF YOU SO WISH! IF IT WAS NOT AGAINST SCHOOL REGULATIONS, I MYSELF WOULD HAPPILY FATHER YOUR CHILDREN IF ALLOWED, MA'AM!"

Goodwitch burns bright red and gapes at him. He's yelling, but he doesn't change his tone.

Ozpin: smirks and hides a chuckle "Very good, Mister Arc, though a bit forward."

Jaune: "SIR YES SIR! I ALSO FOUND MONEY IN THE BUDGET FOR FLIGHT TRAINING, TO GIVE US READY CLOSE AIR SUPPORT!"

Ozpin: "Really? That much? From where?"

Jaune: "THE COFFEE BUDGET, SIR! IT IS EXCESSIVELY LARGE FOR THE INSTITUTION!"

Ozpin: coughs "That-I'm afraid the coffee budget is non-negotiable-"

Goodwitch: evil grin "It sounds wonderful to me, Mister Arc! Headmaster Ozpin will sign off on that, count on it." Glares death at Ozpin

Ozpin: coughs "I'll... Consider it. Anything else, Mister Arc?"

Jaune: "SIR! MY FEMALE TEAMMATES HAVE REQUESTED THE OPTION OF MATERNITY LEAVE! AS SERGEANT, I HAVE RESPECTFULLY DECLINED THEIR REQUESTS BUT MUST PASS THEIR REQUESTS TO MY COMMANDING OFFICER PER REGULATIONS! WHILE I INTEND TO HAVE MANY CHILDREN BECAUSE LARGE LOVING FAMILIES ARE THE FRUITS OF FREEDOM AND DEMOCRACY, I CANNOT IN GOOD CONSCIENCE ALLOW SO MANY EXCEPTIONAL FRONT-LINE FIGHTERS TO BE OUT OF ACTION FOR NINE MONTHS AT THIS TIME!"

Ozpin: "Wait, all of them filled out this paperwork?"

Jaune: "SIR YES SIR!"

Ozpin: "Couldn't you just impregnate them one at a time?"

Jaune: "NO SIR! SUCH A THING IS ANATHEMA TO THE ARC FAMILY'S DEDICATION TO FREEDOM AND DEMOCRACY, SIR! WHEN SO MANY BEAUTIFUL SOLDIERS REQUEST YOU IMPREGNATE THEM, IT'S ALL OR NOTHING, SIR! HOORAAH!"

Ozpin: "I uh... I see... Well, I'll just hold onto that paperwork and file it when it's more appropriate."

Jaune: "YES SIR AND MA'AM!"

Ozpin: "Dismissed."

Jaune: "YES SIR AND MA'AM!" Salutes, heads out, vanishes in the elevator

Ozpin: "Well... At least he's organized, huh Glynda?"

Goodwitch: staring at the maternity leave paperwork "Why do we even have that paperwork?!"

Ozpin: "Well, it's for the best you know of it now, huh Glynda?"

Glynda rolls up the paperwork and smacks him with it.

Yes, I have been playing some Helldivers II and this just came to me.

FOR DEMOCRACY, MOTHERFUCKER!