Seven months later (June 22nd)
Lyla loosened the tie on her cover-up, letting it fall to the ground. She climbed into the pool and let the water wash over her head. She wasn't feeling ready to move forward with the rest of her day, especially given this sweltering summer Georgia heat wave. Having a pool in the backyard was one of the best part of summer this year.
Her quest to get pregnant continued to be challenging. They had recently visited the fertility specialist again who had them go through their fifth attempt at an intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI), which he said often worked best with male partners with spinal cord injuries. The specialist had assured them that their chances of conceiving naturally were pretty low, despite Noah's conception years ago. Apparently, it was more likely for natural conception to occur shortly after a spinal cord injury rather than nearly fifteen years later, and even then, the chances were low with Jason's type of injury. Noah had, in fact, been a bit of a miracle.
Ducking her head under the water, Lyla blew some bubbles under the surface before pulling herself upward. She started to butterfly swim across the surface. As a kid, she had felt so accomplished when she finally mastered this stroke. It was one of the more difficult ones to learn and seemed to be a sort of hallmark of accomplishment in the swimming world. In this fertility cycle, she often didn't feel like she was making much progress. The butterfly swim distracted her from her vulnerabilities for a moment, giving her a brief sense of pride.
She heard a door open in the distance as she continued to swim across the pool. "Lyla?" she heard Noah call as he entered the backyard. The boy's light brown hair fell a bit into his eyes. She'd been trying to persuade him to get a haircut for the last few weeks, but he had kept procrastinating. He had gone through puberty and was developing more muscle than he had in the past. More than ever, he looked like Jason did as a young teen, just with a bit more floppy hair.
Pausing her stroke, she floated in the deep end of the water as she greeted him, "Hi honey. How was the clinic?" She knew she wasn't his mother, but she still tried so hard to be some sort of maternal presence given Erin's absence these days. Here and there, she could almost hear what sounded like her own mother's voice coming through her mouth. Slowly but surely, she was becoming more of a mother.
"All right," Noah said with a bit of a shrug. She could practically see a thought pop into the fifteen year old's mind as his demeanor became more enthusiastic, "But, I got number one in yards thrown! That was pretty cool."
Lyla smiled, even though the feat wasn't very surprising. Noah looked poised to be just as good as Jason was at football. If he kept it up through high school, she and Jason both knew that he would be recruited for a top tier college team. After everything that happened to Jason though, they tried to keep it in mind as more of a loose plan than a certainty.
"Congratulations!" She said, matching his enthusiasm. "Want to join for a celebratory swim?" She asked, tossing a pool noodle his way.
"Nah, I really have to start my summer reading. I have four books to read this summer. Can you believe that?"
As a guidance counselor at the local high school, Lyla knew all about summer reading requirements, especially for honors students like Noah. "What are you embarking on first?" She asked.
"To Kill a Mockingbird, I think. It seems like it'll probably be the most interesting," Noah said with another little shrug. "I'm making a deal that I'll wait to read the latest Sports Illustrated until I'm done with at least one book and it doesn't look too long either, so that's a plus." Noah faithfully read the magazine, frequently asking his dad follow up questions about the clients that were his athletes.
"Ooo, that's a good one," Lyla replied. "Let me dry off and come in with you." She swam over to the side of the pool, hoisting herself up to grab a towel. Noah waited nearby for her to come into the house with him.
Inside the house, Jason had transferred to the living room couch. He had a laptop in front of him and Lyla figured he probably was checking work emails. He looked up to smile at her, "Hi, sexy wife of mine."
"Ew, Dad," Noah complained as he grabbed some fresh orange juice from the refrigerator. "Just let me get upstairs first before you start making out?" He pretended to cover his eyes as he headed toward their stairs, nearly bumping right into the chair lift at the bottom.
"We're not making out," Lyla protested, as Jason laughed at her. She pulled back to the other side of couch and he playfully tossed a pillow at her. He found Noah's teenage awkwardness around them more amusing than anything else.
Once Noah was out of site, Lyla slid back over to Jason's side of the couch. "So, do we have a verdict?" He asked her, moving his hand up and down her arm.
"What verdict?" She said, pretending not to know what he was asking about today. It was easier for her than admitting that she didn't know either way and was too scared to find out.
"Today on The People's Court," he replied sarcastically with an eyeroll.
"Oh, I don't really follow that most days," she answered, playing along to avoid the true question. She fidgeted with her wedding band, as she often did when she was nervous these days.
"You didn't take it yet, did you?" He said, continuing to rub her arm. "It's okay, you know. I told you that I could be here with you if you wanted," he said quietly. "I love that you've become so independent, Lyla, but you can count on me at times like this, you know?"
Somehow, Lyla grew to love him more and more each day. When Jason was injured, she had been so young and such a different person. Back then, she was so much more codependent and reliant on others opinions to create her self-worth. She had also been a total control freak, so it was no wonder that she couldn't be a good partner to Jason after his accident no matter how much she wanted to be. It took her own life repeatedly smacking her in the head about how little control she actually had before she became this version of herself. Independent, strong, resilient, and self-assured in a way that she never had been in the past. If it weren't for Jason remaining her friend through all of the times when she had been far less good, she never would have made it to that point. Despite knowing the whole her, each and every version, he somehow could continue to love her and care about her so deeply. She was so lucky.
"You're the best partner ever, Jason," she said. She felt her eyes well up with tears as she kissed him. "Let's get this over with," she said, certain that the test would come up negative again like each one had the past few months. At first, taking the tests had been so exciting for her, but by now, it filled her with dread.
Jason transferred back to his wheelchair, heading over to their bedroom. "Where did you put this one, babe? In the bedside drawer?"
She got up to follow him. "Yeah, on my side," she confirmed. He made his way to her side of the bed and opened the drawer, pulling out the First Response pregnancy test package. "Bingo," he said with a small smile. He dropped it into his lap to come back over to her. "Romantic date to the powder room?" He asked with a wink.
Once they were in the bathroom, Lyla followed the instructions as she had a few times over the last five months. Once she was done, she hurriedly stuck the stick back into the box. "I'm not even looking this time until the three minutes is up."
"Lyla, you're about the most impatient person on planet Earth. You won't even make it 30 seconds, no matter what the test instructions say," Jason laughed. He reached out his hand to her. "Hey, come here," he said, gesturing toward his lap.
Lyla nodded, sitting down and pulling her arms around him, feeling a bit like she might cry. "I want it to be positive so badly," she whispered.
"Me too," he whispered back. He pulled his head back a little to look into her eyes. "For so long, I've imagined what she'd be like you know. I picture her as this little rascal with your brown hair and big eyes who can throw a football as well as any of the boys can."
"Remember how wildly wavy my hair used to be as a kid? Before I discovered conditioner?" Lyla laughed, thinking back to when she first met Jason so many years ago.
"Oh yeah. You had a real Alf look going on at the top too," Jason flipped the front of hair a bit to a little to let her bangs turn upward in the air.
Lyla groaned, shaking her head. "Alf has this little weird toupee thing going on!" She thought back to her weird bangs back in the day and how they often flipped up in all of her hair's wild waviness. "But it's so true, which is why you please cannot wish that awful hair phase on our daughter."
"Hey, twelve year old me was into it," Jason winked. It seemed crazy to him that she could be so into him after all of these years too, especially since he had changed so much since those days that they were in middle and high school. Even with the wildest hair, she was the most beautiful girl that he ever had laid his eyes on as a twelve-year-old. So many years later, she still was.
Lyla smiled at him, pushing her bangs back up over her head and shaking her hair out a bit with her fingers, "Like old times," she said, leaning forward in his lap to kiss him. Beep. Beep. Beep. Lyla's phone alarm suddenly went off. She pulled back from their kiss with widened eyes.
He rubbed her hair back with the side of his hand. "Lyla," he said softly. "Are you ready to look?"
"No," she said softly, covering her her face with her hands. "I just can't do it again, you know? Every single time, I get my hopes up and then have it turn out to be another negative." A day after they had first started trying after the first ICSI, she had went to the mall to pick-up some clothes for Noah and ended up finding herself in the baby section. One of the newborn onesies with a cute football slogan on the front. She knew that Jason would love it and found herself picking it up and bringing it to the register. She couldn't help herself from thinking that it would be the perfect way to share her news with him if they got pregnant. Five months later, she still hadn't shown him it.
"We'll just keep trying if that's the case." He smiled at her. "You remember what Dr. Evans said? It can take years sometimes for patients with my level of injury, but he told us how so many of them eventually have had success with ICSI, sweetheart." He started to wheel over to the table where the pregnancy test sat in the box, picking up the box to slide into his lap. He headed back over to her. "I can look first if you'd like," he offered.
Lyla hesitated, thinking it over. "No, let me just see it." She said, accepting the box from him. She took a deep breath. "All right, here we go," she said, sliding the test out. Upon looking at it, she broke out into tears.
"It's going to be okay, Lyla," Jason said, moving closer to her, ready to comfort her in whatever way that she needed. He knew another negative would be tough for her, but he also knew that they'd get through it together. He just hated that this had to be so hard for her, all because of him.
"No, no, no," she said, shaking her head. Her eyes met his own and suddenly, she grinned widely through the crying. "Jason, look!" She shoved the pregnancy test forward toward him. He saw the clear positive sign just as she exclaimed it out loud, "It's positive!" She was still crying, as she wrapped her hands around him and slid onto his lap. "It's positive," she repeated again as she hugged him tightly. "We're having a baby!" She was still crying, but Jason could see that they were happy tears by now.
Lyla felt the first pangs of relief that she'd felt in awhile. For the greater chunk of a year, so much of their focus had been on getting pregnant. As much as she tried to keep her hopes in check, she had found herself wanting it more and more as the months passed. Finally, they had a positive sign. Finally, their child was growing inside of her and she could fully allow herself to get excited about this next step of their lives.