Black Hare and Grey Hound

Q startled as his phone buzzed, almost dropping the soldering iron in his hands. Cursing, he quickly turned it off and carefully set it on the workbench in front of him. He'd been altering the chip currently used in the microdermal sensor of the Walther PPK/S he'd originally designed for James bloody Bond - who, of course, had somehow lost it - so that he could speed up its production and hopefully have a custom-made pistol for all of his double-0s.

Right now, however…

Quickly cleaning his hands on a nearby rag, he pulled his phone from his pocket and swore as soon as he saw the message.

They're gonna kill Daniel. Please come quick.

Giving one long mournful look at the nice, calm, and double-0 free workshop around him, he repocketed his phone and reluctantly trudged towards the stairs. He didn't want Daniel to die, obviously, no matter how terrible the man's opinions on Star Trek were, but likewise, Q really hadn't wanted to deal with any of the double-0s today. 002 and 009 were still following him around searching for answers, and now that they'd dragged 005 on board, Q couldn't even seek solace from them with Saif either. 001 wasn't due back for another three days yet, and Duncan was off doing whatever Duncan did, although Q had half a mind to ask the man to be his bodyguard the next time he saw him, if only to have a few hours of peace.

It was amazing how much time he lost working when he had to constantly defend himself against a barrage of Russian questions.

Jumping up the last two steps, he turned the corner into the main area of Q branch, and stopped.

Directly opposite him, semi-hidden in a dark corner, stood 002 and 009. And based on the way they were standing, the hushed furious whispers, as well as the flash of blond Q that caught from the other side of them, they were currently closing in on Daniel with rather violent intentions. Glancing to the side, he made eye contact with Halim, who was after paling dramatically and now gestured frantically for Q to do something to stop it.

Some tough macho alpha he was.

Sighing, Q strode across the room without a second thought. This prank war really was starting to get out of control, and if he were being honest, he was starting to ever-so-slightly regret it. Double-0s were notorious for forgetting every single lesson that they were taught, after all, so who's to say that at the end of all of this, they'd simply forget what Q was trying to drill into them, too?

As he got closer, the frantic whispering started to become more clear.

"-the hell were you thinking?!"

"I- I- I don't k-know, I- I was-"

"-was what, boffin? Trying to scare him? To traumatise him?! How dare you call yourself his minion!"

Q frowned, trying to understand just what the hell they were talking about. From he could remember of the whiteboard this morning, the only story that Eve was running right now was-

"-and you decided to wear that?! Of all the clothes you own, you chose that?!"

"I- I'm sorry! I didn't- I- I wasn't-"

"-thinking! You weren't thinking! Yes, boffin, we've established that! You should be ashamed of yourself!"

-something about dogs, wasn't it? The entire "past" had sounded somewhat familiar to him, though, despite how fake it obviously was. But what on earth could Daniel have done - or worn - to anger the double-0s this much?

"You better change, boffin. Right. Now".

"Yes! Y-Yes, I- I will, I swear! I… I, uh, don't a-actually have a-any other clothes-"

"That's not our problem. Either you take that off, or we'll take it off for you!"

Alright, that was probably enough. Q wasn't too ashamed to admit that he'd let the argument go on ever-so-slightly longer than he should have, if only to scare Daniel a little. The alpha was far too proud for his own good, and honestly, his opinions on Star Trek were just-

Ugh.

Coming to a stop a few feet behind the trio, Q placed his hands on his hips and gave them his best scowl.

"And just what the hell is going on here?!"

Daniel sagged in relief as both Charlie and Edie spun around in surprise, and Q immediately saw what the "problem" was.

After their last argument over which Star Trek series was better - the Original, obviously - Daniel had been at least cowed enough to stop wearing his Picard t-shirt. But today, of all days, he had decided to swap it for a Tom and Jerry t-shirt, which featured a rather angry-looking bulldog called Spike, if Q was not mistaken.

And given what he remembered from the story of the day - namely that his parents had been killed by rabid dogs that had sent Q spiralling into a world of crime and high-end fashion - it was no wonder that 002 and 009 were upset. As far as they were concerned, Q was terrified by the very sight of dogs, and the one on Daniel's t-shirt was looking particularly vicious.

They were trying to protect him.

It would almost be sweet, if they hadn't resorted to violence to do so.

"Well?!" he exclaimed, "Just what the hell do you two think you're doing?!"

There was a brief silence, the surprise on their faces comical, before suddenly, as if having spoken telepathically, they both lept into action.

"Don't look!" Charlie yelled, throwing himself in front of Q's view of Daniel, just as Edie threw herself directly at the man in question. In one fell swoop, she reached forwards, caught his t-shirt by the neck, and then ripped the entire fabric in two.

Which was pretty fucking impressive, Q had to admit.

"Don't look!" Charlie repeated, wrapping his lanky frame around the omega's entire body, "Close your eyes and don't look!"

Q did no such thing, and instead maneuvered himself in the alpha's actually rather nice and warm hold to follow Edie's quick stride across the room to where a group of minions were playing with fire.

He made a mental note to talk to them about that.

Ignoring Daniel's protesting, 009 rolled both halves of the t-shirt up into a little ball, splashed them with whatever chemical was in the beaker next to her, and then tossed it on top of the bunsen burner.

There was a bright flash of blinding yellow, before the flames simmered down and all that remained of the Tom and Jerry t-shirt was a pile of crumbling grey ash.

Charlie continued to keep ahold of him, murmuring gentle reassurances in Russian, and Q wondered if it was just a random calming tactic or if the man genuinely believed that not only was Q's mother a Russian double-agent who was killed in action, but she was a Russian double-agent who was killed in action by a dalmatian.

He guessed that the agents mustn't have a lot of downtime if they hadn't heard about the brilliant disaster that Cruella had been yet.

"It's gone" 009 announced, shooting a vicious glare at the now shivering, shirtless Daniel who remained backed into the corner.

002 nodded once before pulling back slightly, pale blue eyes peering into Q's own. "Are you alright, маленький котенок?"

Little kitten, huh? The omega didn't know whether to be flattered or offended.

"I'm fine, Charlie! He did nothing wrong!"

The alpha growled, and from behind him, Daniel whimpered.

"He shouldn't have been wearing that t-shirt! He should have- should have known! It was inconsiderate and rude and- and-"

"-and the only inconsiderate and rude people here are you and Edie!" Q shot back, his voice level but firm, "Was setting his clothes on fire really necessary?"

"It would have upset you!"

"Do I look upset?!"

Charlie peered down at him closely for a moment, before suddenly his eyes widened and he yanked Q against him once more.

"You're in shock! You're in shock over what you saw and now you're in denial! My poor маленький котенок, it will all be okay, I swear it!"

Oh my fucking god.

Q pressed back against 002's ridiculously firm chest to no avail. When people said the double-0s were the strongest alphas out there, they really weren't kidding.

"Charlie, let me go".

"No! You're in denial about your trauma!"

"I'm not in denial!"

"That's exactly what someone in denial would say!"

Q took a deep breath, sighed, and then considered his options. It was clear that neither of the double-0s were going to let this poor terrified omega out of their sight anytime soon, especially not since they legitimately thought he was traumatised - despite his clearly distress-free scent - meaning that their inner alphas were working on overdrive.

Given that they did see him as a poor terrified omega, however…

Curling in on himself, Q let out a low-pitched whine that had 009 immediately rushing over to his side as well. He had learned pretty early on that his biggest disadvantage was also his greatest advantage. He knew he was cute, with baby blue eyes and fluffy hair, and he had no problem whatsoever in using that to his betterment.

Manipulating his scent made the enemy underestimate him at worst, and completely let their guard down at best. Q knew full well that over half of this building would be disgusted at the thought of him using his charm and scent to get what he wanted, but as far as he was concerned, it was no different from them spouting testosterone and yelling every time things didn't go their way.

And right now, Q really needed things to go his way.

Letting out another whine and ensuring that his scent was at least some bit distressed, he buried his head in Charlie's neck as Edie wrapped herself around him from behind, hushing him softly.

Christ, they were both fucking idiots! And the protection of England was being left to them?!

"It's okay, sweetheart, you're alright, you're safe" she shushed, "That horrible t-shirt is gone now, I swear! Can we get anything for you sweetheart? Anything at all?"

He squeezed his eyes tightly to make them water before slowly, shyly, turning to her.

"A- A blanket? M-Maybe?"

"Of course!" she immediately exclaimed, "I'll be right back, sweetheart, don't worry!"

Nodding, he bit his lip and then hid his face in Charlie's neck again as she rushed off. The other alpha took over the mantle of "soothing" him, one large hand rubbing up and down his back in a way that Q had to admit he didn't want to give up.

But, then again, he also wanted to fix the biometric scanner on that Walther PPK/S today, so-

"C-Charlie?"

"Yes, my котенок? What is it? What's wrong?"

"Could… Could you m-make me some t-tea? P-Please? With- With vanilla?"

"Yes! Tea! Of course! Whatever you want!" he quickly replied, gently extracting himself from Q's hold. The Quartermaster fought it for a few seconds, partially to add to the show but also because he really didn't want to let go either, before he finally stepped back from the double-0.

"I'll be right back, okay?" 002 said, expression earnest, "You just wait here, and I'll be back before you know it, I swear!"

Q wrapped his arms around himself and nodded demurely, keeping his eyes downcast and his head tilted just so to reveal a pale unblemished throat - the perfect image of a scared, submissive omega. After a brief moment of hesitation, Charlie nodded, and was gone.

Waiting until the door had fully shut behind the man, Q sighed and straightened up, fixing his clothes and flattening his hair before spinning around to face the rest of the branch, who stood there in shock, staring back at him with wide eyes.

"And that, ladies and gentlemen" he announced sarcastically, "is how you deescalate a double-0".

The room immediately burst into applause, and Q couldn't help but smirk even as he rolled his eyes at the lot of them. Heading back to the stairs that would take him to the workshop, he gave Daniel a dark look as he passed.

"Go put a bloody shirt on. And for the love of god, man, don't antagonise the double-0s!"

The man quickly nodded and scarpered off. Glancing around the room once, satisfied, Q continued on his way to the workshop. He had a date with a pistol to keep, after all.

He had barely finished implementing the necessary changes on the biometric scanner before his phone buzzed again, and Q cursed the never-ending disaster that was his life. A quick glance at the screen revealed it to be from "Our Mighty and Benevolent Leader", telling him to check his email pronto.

Packing away the equipment, he handed the Walter PPK/S to the nearest boffin with explicit instructions as to what to do with it, before trudging back upstairs to his office, thankfully not spotting any double-0 lurking around the main branch area this time. Sitting down in the chair and already lamenting its loss, he turned on his monitors and pulled up the email M was talking about.

It was a mission.

An actual official On-Her-Majesty's-Secret-Service Not-to-be-opened-until-Officially-Authorised mission.

Q had only run two missions since being appointed Quartermaster, both with Edie, but they had also both been observe-and-report-only missions that hadn't required any interaction with Q at all.

So this - this right here - was going to be Q's first official talk-the-double-0-through-or-else-they-die mission.

Swallowing thickly, he quickly scanned the contents of the email, making note of the equipment needed as well as who was being sent out - 005 - before sending a brief message to R asking her to visit him asap.

As far as first missions went, having Saif at the other end of the line was going to be both a blessing and a curse. The man knew him and trusted him in as much as double-0s could trust, so Q had no concerns about him ignoring his orders because he was new or because he was an omega. But Saif was also rather… laidback about these things, and his recklessness and cavalier attitude put even James bloody Bond to shame.

Then again, Q reasoned, he should be grateful that it was Saif he was dealing with rather than James bloody Bond, who currently held the fastest-time-to-make-R-cry-on-comms record.

A knock on his door made him jump and look up, grateful to see that was the woman in question rather than a pestering agent or confused boffin.

"What's up?"

He spun his screen around so she could see the thick bold O.H.M.S.S. printed at the top of the page.

"Help".

"You'll be fine, Q" Saif reassured half an hour later, "I mean, come on, what's the worst that can happen?"

The Quartermaster gave him a disbelieving look. "You could die!"

"Oh. Right. Yeah, well, I mean asides from that".

His dark eyes were brimming with amusement, and Q couldn't help but smirk at the ridiculous man in front of him.

"Seriously, Q, you'll be fine. You already ran two ops with Bond, remember?"

"Well, yes, but those weren't even remotely official and-"

"-and what?" he challenged, "Do you think that the bad guys will suddenly stop shooting at me just because this mission is official?"

"... No" he reluctantly admitted.

"Exactly. No. So calm down, and breathe. Everything will go according to plan, I'll get in, get the documents, and get out, and by tomorrow evening you'll be wondering why you were even worried to begin with".

"... You make it sound so easy".

He grinned cheekily.

"That's because it usually is".

Reaching up, he ruffled the omega's hair, and Q found himself leaning into the touch before he could stop himself, his panic and nerves and worry making him want to reach out and touch and find comfort, even if it was in the form of a particularly violent alpha.

As if sensing this, Saif's smile softened, turning more genuine than teasing.

"I trust you to have my back, Q. I trust you to get me in and out of there safe and as whole as humanly possible. But even if you don't, even if you can't, and the worst possible scenario does happen… then it won't be your fault. It's called support ops for a reason, Quartermaster, because as omnipresent as you may appear, the simple fact is, you're not. There are and there will be things that happen that are out of your control, and you're just going to have to accept that".

"No! Shan't! I refuse!" he shot back, pouting, "I'm going to control everything and god help those who stand in my way!"

005 laughed and pulled back his hand, and Q immediately missed his warm safe touch.

"Well, I guess I can't prevent you from trying... I fly out in an hour, so I'll see you on the other side, yeah?"

"Yeah" he replied, somewhat hollowly, and Saif sighed. "I mean it, Q. I'll be back in one piece before you know it, and if I'm not, then that's not on you. That's just the life of a double-0… But hey, break a few more fingers for me alright?"

"Ugh, you're worse than Duncan!"

He laughed again as he turned and headed for the door. "Yeah, well, our resident psychopath occasionally has a few good ideas, but don't you dare tell him I said that! I'll see you tomorrow, Quartermaster".

Q nodded, perhaps a little too sharply for it to look natural, and watched as the alpha strode from the room, hoping and praying and demanding that it wouldn't be the last time he saw him in one piece.

How Boothroyd managed to do this for over thirty years, he would never know.

But now, however, that mantle had fallen to him. And he would be damned if he didn't bring his agents home safe and sound.