Minutes of the Meeting
M stared across the desk at his Quartermaster, silent and vaguely unimpressed.
Q stared right back across at M, also silent but more confused than unimpressed.
After a few, long moments, the older man finally spoke.
"Can you explain to me just why, exactly, your second-in-command is currently in medical sleeping off the side-effects of benzodiazepine?"
"... I heard it makes you sleepy?"
"Q".
The omega sighed and lowered his gaze.
"R is… worried".
"About?"
"Me. And… And the double-0s".
M immediately frowned and leaned forward in his seat. "Are they causing trouble for you?"
He snorted. "I don't think the double-0s are capable of not causing trouble, sir. But no, actually, they're… they're strangely well-behaved around me. R's worried about what that might mean".
"... I'm afraid I don't understand" M eventually replied, "R is concerned for you, concerned to the point of needing sedation, because your agents are actually listening to you?"
Well, when he put it like that…
"Apparently, it's not something that they… do" Q answered slowly, "I mean, you've read the reports yourself, sir. The double-0s have a pathological need to cause as much chaos and destruction as possible. They're predators, plain and simple, who- who masquerade around the world wearing people suits. They're intelligent, charming, dangerous… If it weren't for their love of Queen and country, they wouldn't be let live. The double-0s are the nine most deadly creatures on this planet".
"And they listen to you".
Q let out a heavy sigh.
"Yeah. Surprisingly".
M nodded and leaned back in his chair once more, a thoughtful look on his face.
"... I've heard the rumours, of course, and I've read their files. I've seen first hand what 007 is capable of, and it's… frightening, to say the least" he said, "They kill as easily as breathing. I used to be in the SAS, I'm no stranger to war, but the double-0s… It might be selfish of me to say this, Quartermaster, but I'm quite glad that you're currently holding their leash".
"Given the potential consequences of them being let loose, sir, unfortunately, I have to agree".
M gave a tight smile. "I can see why R was worried… You're sure that they're not causing any trouble for you?"
"No more than usual, and forgive me for being blunt sir, but it's not as if you could do anything even if they were".
"I could retire them".
Q fought back a flinch. "Retire" only had one meaning when it came to the double-0s, and given that it went directly against his purpose as a Quartermaster - not to mention the fact he quite liked his agents - he was very much against the idea.
"And risk the others rebelling?" he said instead, "They may be strange uncontrollable creatures, sir, but they're strange uncontrollable creatures together. As unique as each double-0 is, as far removed from- from the rest of humanity as they are… it's that same singularity that brings them together. Based on the few that I've met, they are terrifyingly in sync with each other".
Q shook his head, simultaneously in awe and a little scared. "It took me four days to track down each double-0, sir, and I had the entire world at my fingertips. Cameras, credit card receipts, insider information… everything. And when they returned, I found out that not only did they know where the others were, but they had all somehow stayed in contact when not even Boothroyd could figure out where they were hiding… The double-0s act like- like big cats with the pack mentality of wolves".
"I'm worried that both of those examples involved an apex predator" M replied dryly.
"Do you honestly believe that the double-0s aren't at the top of the food chain?"
He grimaced. "Good point. So if I removed one of the pack-"
"-not only would the remaining agents turn feral and seek revenge, but they would very likely burn England to the ground while doing so".
"Wonderful" M said, deadpan, "In that case, I'm very much not complaining that they listen to you, Quartermaster, but do you happen to know why?"
"Going to try and bottle it, sir?"
"It would certainly make my life easier".
Q smirked but shook his head. "I don't know. Honestly. I just… I'm not scared of them. Which is probably quite stupid of me, but… I'm not afraid to speak my mind, to put them in their place, to- to treat them like I would any other large cat… They also find it hilarious that I use my dynamic against them".
M blinked.
"That you do what?!"
He shrugged and refused to feel embarrassed. "They're alphas, at the end of the day. Deadly, powerful, and bloody terrifying, but still alphas. They think the fact that I up the whole helpless defenceless omega thing to get them to behave is brilliant".
"... You are by far the strangest person that I have ever met, Quartermaster".
"Thank you, sir".
M shook his head in exasperation. "Using your dynamic to get them to behave… that's a dangerous game, you know".
"It's not any more dangerous than the double-0s themselves. And like I said, they're wired differently. I'm sure if I went to the accounts department I'd run into quite a bit of trouble for it, but the double-0s are… they're just different".
"And if they ever retaliate? And use their dynamic against you?"
"Such as?"
"Such as compelling you".
Q winced. That was a thought he'd had more than a few times himself, but he'd always dismissed it. The double-0s were more than physically strong enough to force him to do something without having to resort to their command voice. And besides, Duncan had already compelled him once and had apologised profusely afterwards, so Q knew that the only time they'd ever try to control him like that would be if his own life was on the line.
He was smart enough not to mention that particular incident to M, however, because double-0 or not, compelling an omega who isn't yours was automatically a life sentence in prison, but given that Duncan was a double-0, he'd very likely break out of prison and go on a rampage that would end with M's immediate death and Q almost smothered to death in the arms of 003.
Hence why retired double-0s weren't a thing. Once you became a double-0, you either died as one, or you were killed for being one.
"I trust them" Q finally replied, "They haven't acted in the slightest bit aggressive towards me, asides from our initial meetings, but even that was more like a… a test, than any actual anger. They have no reason to want to harm me, and even if they did, they are more than skilled enough to do so without resorting to commands".
"Understood. But if that ever changes-"
"I'll let you know" he promised.
"Right. Good. Well then. 005 is due back from his mission any time now, is that correct?"
"Yes sir. He made the plane in time, and there's a driver waiting for him at the airport. He should be back within the hour".
"He actually got on the scheduled flight?" M asked dryly, "They really do listen to you, don't they?
Q flushed and ducked his head. "Well, I, uh… might have given him some incentive".
"Which was?"
"... We're going out for dinner. Together. Today".
There was a beat of silence.
"Are you and 005… involved?"
"No!" Q quickly exclaimed, "No, no, gosh no, nothing like that! I just provided him with a… small timed explosive and he wants to say thank you, so… he's buying me dinner".
"That doesn't explain why he's buying you dinner today" M replied, eyebrows raised, "Double-0s never return on time. The fact that 005 has decided to do so for you is… slightly worrying. Are you sure that he has no… personal motives for coming back today?"
Q could feel his blush deepen and he willed his heart rate to slow down. Oh christ. He was really going to have to explain this, wasn't he? He was going to sit there with a straight face and look at the Head of MI-bloody-6 straight in the eye and say-
"He's become rather enamoured with my hair, sir"
M stared at him unblinking for what felt like a lifetime but in reality, was only seven painfully long seconds.
"Mansfield didn't have to deal with this shit". The alpha sighed. "And just why, on earth, is 005 enamoured with your hair, Quartermaster?!"
"... Because it's fluffy?"
M was staring at him again.
"Because… it's… fluffy".
It looked like it physically pained him to say those words.
"It's one of those… using my dynamic to make them fall in line things" Q tried to explain, "They usually just laugh whenever I do it, but they also always give in anyway so… you know. If it gets the double-0s to behave, and all that".
"... I don't even have the words. I do not have the words for this. You- You just- You're-" M cut himself off and continued to stare. "You have managed to collar one of the most dangerous men alive by allowing him to pet your hair?!"
"... Maybe?"
Q didn't think he'd ever seen M look so uncomposed.
"Sir? Are you… alright?"
"Alright? Am I alright? Me?! When you've got- got- the bloody double-0s just-"
He paused and took a deep calming breath.
"... I think I'm going to join R in medical".
The omega sat up straighter, alarmed, but M only smiled, briefly, and waved him off.
"Let's just end this meeting there, shall we? I'm sure you've got more than enough things to be doing, and quite frankly, I'll need the rest of the day to process this. Dismissed, Quartermaster".
He was only too happy to comply.
"Edie" he said, surprised, stepping back into the waiting room.
The woman looked over at him and smiled, the wide slow smile of a predator, even as she gracefully stood up from where she had been all but lounged across Eve's desk.
Eve, by the way, who was looking very flustered indeed.
Q raised an eyebrow at the sight in front of him, but Eve refused to meet his gaze and 009 was too busy prowling towards him, black hair in a complicated looking braid, black eyes rimmed with kohl, and black heels making her stand three inches taller than her already tall frame.
"Q, sweetheart, I was looking for you!"
"I can see that" he replied, allowing her to pull him rather close against her chest, "And you just happened to know that I'd be here, did you?"
"Oh, well, you know how it is".
"Do I?" he asked dryly, but she completely ignored him. "What did M want?"
"That's none of your business, 009" he replied, pulling back from her admittedly warm hold, "Now, who do I need to fire for hacking into M's schedule for you?"
She grinned, wicked and sharp.
"Who said anything about me needing someone else to do it?"
Oh great. Not only was she one of the best assassins in the world, but she had enough computer skills to hack MI6 too.
Either that, or she was just an incredibly proficient liar.
Honestly, given what he'd seen so far, he was willing to be that it was both.
"You could still do with some feeding, you know". Dark eyes studied him closely. "You are far too skinny for your own good".
"Well then, it's a good thing one of your cohorts is planning on feeding me this evening, isn't it?"
"Really?" She blinked, startled. "Which one?"
"005".
"Saif? But his mission only finished a few hours ago".
Somehow, Q wasn't surprised to find out that the two agents had magically stayed in contact even while countries apart.
"Yes, and he was given quite a handy little explosive before he left, so he's buying me dinner as a thank you gift".
"An explosive?"
They were worse than kittens with catnip.
"Yes, 009, an explosive. And if you behave yourself for the next few days, you might just get one too".
She immediately straightened up, her expression a picture-perfect facade of innocence, and Q sighed and rolled his eyes at her before turning to face Eve.
"She wasn't bothering you too much, was she?"
"Not at all". She smiled. "In fact, we had a… a, uh, rather enjoyable conversation".
"Hmm". He gave Edie a suspicious look. "What do you want?"
"Who says I want anything, sweetheart? Maybe I just saw the pretty lady and decided to talk to her".
Eve was blushing again and Q realised with a rather horrifying start that Edie was very likely telling the truth. 009 had a crush on M's secretary.
God help the poor man if he ever found out.
"Well, as long as you're not scaring her" he replied slowly, and the alpha smirked. "Oh believe me, sweetheart, she was many things, but scared was not one of them".
"Edith!" the other alpha exclaimed, but Q couldn't help but grin in response. "Well then, by all means, carry on".
Stepping around her, Q headed for the door. Saif was due back any moment now, and he still had a few post-mission paperwork to finish before he left for the evening. He was therefore quite surprised when instead of continuing to flirt with Eve, 009 fell into step with him instead.
"Actually, Quartermaster, I'm afraid I was looking for you for a reason".
Q paused, one hand on the door, before looking over the agent's shoulder at Eve who was still sitting behind her desk. The older woman smirked and silently mouthed "royalty".
Oh.
They were running with that particular story then.
"Yes, 009?" he asked, glancing back at her.
"I was wondering where you're from".
"Where I'm from?" he repeated, "009, unless you've suddenly lost the ability to listen, which, given who I'm talking to is actually very likely, you can surely hear the Englishness in my voice".
"I know you're from England, Q, but which part?"
There were two ways he could answer that. The first, was to simply tell the truth - that he grew up in a beautiful manor house in a dainty little village in the countryside with his teasing siblings and loving parents. Or - and this was far more fun - he could play into this whole secretly a member of the royal family thing and answer with-
"London" he replied, "I grew up in London. Westminster, to be precise. Now, if that is all?"
She stared at him, stunned into silence.
Maintaining eye contact, he leaned to the side to see past her and gave Eve a slow, controlled wave, hand vertical with a slight twist of the wrist. She immediately bit her lip to stop laughing and waved back just as gracefully.
Doing the Queen's wave was a bit of an overkill, and quite frankly, it made Q feel more than a bit silly, but the wide-eyed look that Edie gave him in response made it all worth it.
"I really must be going, Ms King, so perhaps we can walk and talk?"
She stared at him for another moment, obviously still in shock, before nodding once and holding open the door for him to pass through.
Perhaps he could work a few more subtle little remarks into their conversation before he went for dinner with Saif. Then again, he should probably thread carefully around her instead - not because she was a double-0 and could very likely snap his neck if she got too annoyed of him, but because he'd already sent two people to medical, and Q was genuinely fearful of what they'd do to him if he caused any more nervous breakdowns.