The Hastening Saloon
Weaving through the crowds, Q could feel the eyes of each double-0 tracking his path to the bar. On one hand, it was kind of cute, each agent - or at least their alpha side - wanting to make sure that he reached the counter safely, but on the other hand, he was a grown-ass man who could take care of himself, thank you very fucking much, and the sooner that these idiots learned that, the better.
Sliding in between a drunk beta and a rather morose-looking alpha, Q waited patiently for the bartender to come over. John, he remembered Saif saying his name was, an omega who was "alright for a civvie" which really was quite a high compliment coming from a double-0.
Catching the man's eye, Q smiled and waited for the bartender to finish pouring the pint in his hands before making his way over.
"What can I get ya?"
Which-
Q suddenly realised with a rather large amount of mortification that he actually had no idea what the correct names of the double-0s drinks were.
Seeing his deer-in-headlights look, John smirked.
"Same again?"
"Please" he said quickly, relieved, "Except, no whiskey this time and- and another of the… colourful one".
Thankfully, the man didn't laugh and instead grabbed five glasses from the rack up above him.
"For future reference, the lady drinks Purple Rain, the blond skinny one has Absolut Raspberri with lemon juice, the colourful drink's called Rainbow Paradise, and the foreign lookin' bloke has two bottles of Desperados thrown into a pint glass".
Not just a simple beer, then.
"They come here often enough that you know their drink orders?" Q asked curiously, and the man scoffed. "I know all nine of their drink orders, lad. They're, uh… interestin' characters".
That was one word for them.
"Interesting enough to know their drink orders but not their names?"
John gave him a look.
"I don't ask, and they don't tell".
Which roughly translated to one of the double-0s having done something stupid enough to scare the man into silence at some point in the past. Q would have to have a word with them about that. Remaining clandestine, and all that.
He glanced over his shoulder back at the table and found all four pairs of eyes still on them. Once caught, Edie immediately turned back to her nearly-empty drink, Charlie averted his gaze to the wooden beams above Q's head, and Duncan pretended that he was actually checking out the woman just to the right of the omega. Only Saif met his gaze evenly, and when Q raised a rather accusatory eyebrow, the man merely gave an unabashed shrug, completely unembarrassed at having been caught.
The Quartermaster couldn't fight back a ridiculous grin at the just-as-ridiculous man's antics as he turned back to the bar.
John placed the first two drinks in front of him and then nodded towards where the others sat.
"Which one of them's yours, then?"
"Hm? Oh, they all are" Q replied absentmindedly, before suddenly realising with a mind-screeching halt that the man hadn't been asking about his agents, he'd been asking about his alphas.
He immediately turned beet red and quickly backtracked. "Uh, no! I- I don't- That's not- I mean, we're- we're not- I didn't- They're not-"
"None of my business" he interrupted smoothly, still smirking even as started pouring a bottle of beer and tequila into a pint glass.
"No!" Q exclaimed, adamant to make this right, "No! Seriously, we're not- I'm not- They're just-"
He stopped and forced himself to take a deep breath.
"We work together" he finally explained, voice somewhat uneven, "I'm their… supervisor".
"Ah" John said calmly, as if Q hadn't just backtracked from having his own harem to being a manager, "And of the rest of them too, I suppose?"
"Yes!" he quickly replied, eager to move on, "I'm- I'm in charge of- of all of… that… group".
He wondered what the double-0s had told John they worked as, and if he could somehow find out without it being too obvious.
"Well, you've got your work cut out for you, that's for sure" John said, "The number of bar fights I've had to break up because of that lot… mind you, they usually have a bloody good reason for throwing the first punch".
"I'm sure that they do" he replied dryly, already picturing Bond's charming smile and Edie's silky smooth voice, "Rest assured, I'll be keeping a much tighter leash on them from now on".
"Oh? Close, are ye?"
Considering that half a minute earlier Q had inadvertently made the man think that they had an entire brothel going on, he's not quite sure just how close John meant.
Seeing the confusion - and slight panic - on his face, the barman elaborated.
"I don't mean anythin' by it, lad, I'm only askin' because they've never brought someone else with them before. Omega, or otherwise".
And based on the pointed look the man was now giving him, his mind had clearly drifted back to the brothel as well.
"We're… friends" Q eventually settled on, somewhat awkwardly, "There's been a lot of… management changes in our company recently and… well, we're all… uh, closer as a result".
"I see".
He very obviously did not.
Q mentally groaned at the rather scandalous images that were no doubt playing through the man's mind.
"So, uh, where are we with those drinks?"
John, bless him, took one look one at the pure panic that came over Q's face as he tried to carry five glasses on a single tray, and decided to help him out.
Carrying both his and Duncan's colourful cocktails, the other omega easily balanced the rest on the skinny board and followed him back to the table, where Q once again had to awkwardly climb over Edie's lap as she refused to move. As soon as he reached Saif, red-faced and flustered, the man pulled him into his side with a smirk and ruffled his hair with the other hand.
John winked at him before setting down the tray and heading back to the bar.
Q wanted the ground to swallow him whole.
"That was odd" 005 commented lightly, "John's never winked at me before. Has he ever winked at you lot?"
"Nope".
"Nada".
"Not a fucking chance".
Saif glanced down at Q, his dark eyes suspicious.
"Just what, exactly, did you two talk about?"
If he denied it, then the man would keep pressing for answers or else draw the wrong conclusion completely. But if he told the truth… Well, at least he'd find out the alphas' true intentions towards him.
"Oh, nothing much" Q replied easily, taking a sip of his cocktail, "Just the fact that after we finish here, you're all coming back to my place for a five-person orgy".
Duncan choked. Edie almost knocked over her glass. Charlie looked thirty seconds away from passing out. Only Saif remained unfazed, although by now Q had realised that there really was nothing that could faze him.
"Alright, cool". He shrugged. "How big is your bed?"
"Not big enough for any more than three people, I assure you".
He hummed. "Three, huh? Three's good. Charlie's ace, and Duncan needs his beauty sleep, so it looks like it's just me, you, and Edie anyway".
Q slowly turned to the man in disbelief.
Saif stared back at him, completely straight-faced, for one, two, three seconds and then-
The alpha grinned and reached forwards to ruffle his hair. "Don't worry, Q, your virtue's safe with me".
He immediately swatted his hands away. "Ugh! I hate you!"
"No you don't. Otherwise you wouldn't have given me that cigarette lighter hand grenade".
"Grenade?"
All three double-0s immediately perked up, like a toddler hearing the word "cookie" or a dog getting a new chew toy, and Q resigned himself to the fact that this was his life now.
"Yes, you knotheads, a grenade! Which none of you will be getting, unless you behave!"
The trio pouted and turned back to their drinks, although Edie was the only one who could successively pull off the whole scolded-puppy look.
Saif continued to smirk, beyond delighted that he was the only one currently getting explosives, and pulled Q even closer until the omega was a mere inch away from sitting directly on his lap.
The Quartermaster let him do it, not because the contact felt bloody fantastic - although it did - but because he could all too vividly remember the predator who had stalked into his office mere hours ago after quite literally spending most of the day getting shot at.
Also because it felt bloody fantastic.
As much as the majority of society liked to label alphas as these knights in shining armour, protectors and providers and capable of calming down any hysterical omega, the majority of society also liked to ignore the fact that although an alpha could calm down an omega pretty bloody quick, omegas were just as capable - if not more so - at calming down alphas.
So if it helped Saif to have him close by, to hold him and pet him and pretend that he was his, if only for one night, then Q was glad to pretend too.
It was a mutually benefiting relationship, after all.
"Alright, alright, alright, I've got one!" Charlie announced, three empty vodka glasses in front of him, "Take a drink if you've ever been arrested outside of a mission!"
For the last half hour, they had been playing a rather unique version of Never Have I Ever and Q was proud to say that he was almost winning.
Winning, of course, meaning that he was fifty ways to drunk and half sprawled across Saif.
Duncan and Edie both took a drink, but the Quartermaster held up a wavering finger.
"Wait wait wait! Arrested by whom?"
"Whom". Saif snorted. "Nice".
"By- By whom?" Charlie blinked, confused. "By… By anyone".
"No, but like- like arrested just by local cops or- or do gov'ment agencies count?"
"Anyone!"
"Oh... Okay then".
Q took a shot.
Edie gave him a wide-eyed look.
"Who even are you?"
"I, Ms King, am your Qua- Qua- Quarter- Qua-"
"-termaster" Duncan finished, the only one of the group who was not drunk. Or, at least, didn't appear to be drunk, but he didn't exactly seem to do emotions in general, really.
When Q told him as much, the man merely stared back in silence, his expression as unwavering as ever.
"Tha' just proves m'point!"
"What were you arrested for?" Charlie pressed, "You're so- so cute 'n- 'n cuddly".
Edie nodded emphatically in agreement.
"'m not tellin'" Q shot back, "Tha's not part of the game, so you can't make me!"
Charlie narrowed his eyes at him, the baby blues slightly glazed from the number of shots he'd consumed.
"Then I'm gonna make it part of the game, Котенку! Never 'ave I ever been arrested for- for- for-"
"-hacking!" Edie finished triumphantly, and 002 nodded in agreement. "Yes! Yes! Exactly! Never 'ave I ever been arrested for hacking!"
Q took another drink and they cheered in response.
"Ah ah ah!" He quickly raised another finger, even more unsteady than the last. "I nev' said I've only been 'rested once, did I?"
The blond pouted. "Spoilsport!"
"It's actually pronounced genius".
Saif grinned, one hand wrapped around another pint - Desperada, Q corrected, his stomach turning at the thought of tequila being mixed with beer - with his other hand currently running through the omega's curls.
"Alright, my turn. Never have I ever… been to Buckingham Palace".
Duncan took a drink and the others all stared at him.
"What?" he asked defensively, "You don't fucking know me!"
Q, however, was trying desperately to think.
Bucking Palace reminded him of something, something that he knew his sober self would be screaming at him for forgetting, something about… about… a story? Or- Or a game? But that didn't make any sense because they were already playing a game, they were playing a game that Q was winning based on the number of empty shot glasses in front of him. But this was… this was a different game, a game he was playing with 002 and 009 and- and 005? He thinks? And the minions, his minions, and- and Eve and-
He suddenly remembered the curly-haired woman mouthing the word "royalty" at him only a few hours before - and had it really only been a few hours? - but that was when he'd been in her office, just after speaking with M about the double-0s and their strange attachment to him which was why they were trying to find out about his past which was-
Oh!
The prank!
Q was meant to be a long-lost prince of England, left on the doorstep of MI6 with nothing but a blanket and a letter sporting the royal crest.
But if 005 was asking about that now, then…
Oh, that traitorous bastard.
He was counting on Q getting drunk enough to tell them who he was. Him and Edie and Charlie and- well, no, not Duncan, because Duncan was a good boy and that was why he was Q's favourite and-
No, wait, he was getting off track.
The point was, three of his double-0s had just turned a perfectly good night out into a quest for information but if they were going to fuck with Q then he was going to fuck with them right back.
"Buck- Buckin'ham Palace?" His nose scrunched up in thought. "Tha's… Tha's where the Queen lives, right?"
The trio nodded, their gazes surprisingly sharp for people meant to be drunk, while Duncan remained none the wiser.
He was definitely going to be getting a hand grenade on his next mission.
Q took a shot.
Edie's eyes widened and she quickly turned to Charlie who looked just as stunned. Q turned and buried his face in Saif's neck, both to avoid any follow-up questions they might ask which could blow his cover, but also because the alpha just smelled nice.
"... Right" 009 eventually said, "Uh… Take a drink if… if you… oh, I don't know. There's not much that I haven't done".
"Never have I ever been bonded" Duncan announced.
Q's hand twitched and he felt more than saw the disbelieving look that the others gave him because of course they would've picked up on the ridiculously tiny movement the absolute bastards. But that was fine, it was, really, because he hadn't been bonded, not technically, and he would be fine as long as nobody said-
"Never 'ave I ever been almost bonded".
The omega raised his head and glared at Charlie fiercely, but the alpha remained unaffected, staring back at him determinedly. Reaching out, he took another shot, and slammed down the glass with just a bit more force than necessary.
"Never 'ave I ever been an absolute dick to my friend!" he snapped, folding his arms across his chest.
They all took multiple drinks.
Saif, at least, gave him a somewhat sheepish look.
"You've forgotten who you're talking to, Q. Betraying so-called friends is in our job description".
He pouted. "That doesn't mean you 'ave to be a dick about it!"
"Oh, I'm sorry, is there a nice way to stab someone in the back?"
Yeah, he thought viciously, by getting them drunk first.
"Come on, Q, you know there are not many honest relationships in our line of work" Saif said, his arm sliding down the omega's shoulders with the intention of pulling him even closer.
As his hand pressed over Q's stitches, however, he winced, and unfortunately, given his drunken state and the company that he was with, he couldn't hide it.
Immediately, four sharp gazes latched onto him, and based on the tightening of Saif's arm around his waist, he wasn't getting out of one this without an interrogation.
Fuck.