Tie with a Windsor Knot

The rest of the day progressed surprisingly smoothly. Q's brief but intriguing introduction to 006 had put him in a good mood, and after the two tablets Charlie had left him kicked in, it didn't feel like he'd spent the night downing whiskey and blue curacao at all.

Asides from his general exhaustion and his minion's knowing smirks, that was.

But speaking of his minions, it turned out that Halim was the one behind this whole fake-royalty backstory of his, to begin with, and apparently, it had layers upon layers upon layers.

"An orphan?" Q asked dryly, staring at the whiteboard, "Really?"

He shrugged. "Well, you know, the majority of the double-0s are orphans, so I thought it'd appeal to them if you had a similar background. The long-lost prince bit is just for my own amusement.".

Q stared at him, thoroughly unimpressed.

Halim folded his arms across his chest and huffed.

"Well it was either this, or I claimed that you were the illegitimate child of Olivia Mansfield and Mallory!"

He baulked at the thought.

"What?! No! Oh my gosh, horrifying mental images aside, that would make me, like, twenty-five, at the oldest!"

He peered down at him curiously.

"And? I don't see the issue".

"... You know, these age jokes are really starting to get old".

"Was that a pun, sir?"

He gave him a look.

"Get back to work. Now".

"Hey, all I'm saying, is that you were the one who set the parameters for this thing. It's not my fault that you only specified how many stories we could enter and not how long each of those stories could be".

Q briefly closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, directly above his black-framed glasses. Maybe when he opened his eyes again, the whiteboard would be empty and his minions would be doing their jobs and there would be no simple competition that got way out of hand to the extent that the most dangerous alphas alive now genuinely believed that he was an orphan born to a Russian double agent who was killed on a mission by a pack of rabid dalmatians, and a member of the British royal family who allowed him to visit Buckingham Palace at least once despite abandoning him on the doorstep of MI6 with a letter where Boothroyd then managed to convince M to keep him so that he could become the next Quartermaster and seek revenge on those who had killed his mother despite him apparently have a morbid fear of dogs.

Sometimes, just sometimes, Q feared for the safety of this country.

"I mean, you gotta admit - you being the heir to the throne quite nicely explains why some of your workers worship you" Halim added, "And also why we all call it Q branch. It's a… practice run, of sorts. For when you rule England".

Q took a deep calming breath and tried to remind himself that needless murder was probably bad for morale.

Also, it would be a shame to lose Halim considering that he was one of the very few alphas in this place who actually possessed a brain.

"Is there anything else that I should know?"

Halim hummed in consideration. "You supposedly have birthmark of a corgi above your heart - all genuine members of royalty do, after all - and you will probably be getting a sword delivered to your office before the day's out".

"A birthmark of a- wait, no, hang on… A sword? Seriously?!"

"Seriously" he replied, completely straight-faced, "I'd expect it before lunch".

"Why, on earth, do I need a sword?!"

He shrugged. "For credibility. It's not just any sword, you know. It's Excalibur".

Q was hearing things. He had to be. Either that, or he was going insane. Neither of those were particularly pleasant options.

"Excalibur?" he managed to choke out, "As in sword in the stone Excalibur? As in King Arthur and the Round Table Excalibur?!"

"Yes". The alpha nodded once, decisively. "It's an old family heirloom that your father gave you. Since he couldn't announce his connection to you publicly, of course".

"Of course. And just what the hell does Excalibur have to do with making the double-0's cry?!"

Halim hummed. "I'm not sure yet. But it's always best to have a contingency plan, you know? And besides, I'm kind of hoping that since they fell so easily for every other story, that they might actually start to believe that you pulled the sword from the stone itself".

"... As in I recently found Excalibur and-"

"No". Halim shook his head. "As in you're over seven hundred years old".

Q slowly turned back to stare at the overflowing whiteboard.

He wasn't sure what was more terrifying - the fact that his minions believed that the double-0's would fall for such a story, or the fact that Q believed that they genuinely might as well.

"So what's the sad part?" he eventually asked, because fuck it, he wanted to see what would happen too, "You only win the competition if you make at least one double-0 cry".

"I know" Halim replied confidently, "I'm hoping that they'll get upset by the whole abandoned-royal-orphan thing, but if not, and they actually do believe that you are somehow immortal… Well, that's pretty tragic too, isn't it? Outliving all your family and friends and everyone around you keeps on dying which means that you have a profound fear of intimacy and are too scared to get close to anyone because you know eventually that they'll die too".

The alpha gave him a side-eyed look.

"Have you ever seen Merlin? You look a bit quite like him, you know".

"... I'm going to return to my office now" Q finally replied, "Please don't disturb me. You are genuinely terrifying".

Halim grinned after him.

"Hey! I'm not the one who collared the killing machines. If anyone should be feared here, sir, it's undoubtedly you!"

Q sighed as the TSS group chat buzzed for the thirtieth time that hour. Fortunately, Halim had informed the rest of the branch that he was to remain undisturbed for the foreseeable future, which suited Q's hangover exhaustion just fine. He'd even tinted the floor-to-ceiling windows that looked out over the rest of TSS so that nobody could see into his office.

Unfortunately, however, it seemed that while his minions were smart enough to hack into nearly every intelligence agency database in the world, they were not smart enough to realise that just because they couldn't see their Quartermaster, that didn't mean that he couldn't still hear them.

I mean, seriously - did they straight up just forget who on earth had put together that group chat to begin with?!

Another chime came from his mobile and he groaned, burying his face in his hands. He was trying to put together the quarterly budget review - and wasn't that just terrifying? The fact that he'd already been Head of TSS for three months now - but the constant vibrations of his phone against the desk was sending tremors through his entire frame.

The only reason he kept the notifications on at all was because of-

Oh.

Because of that.

Q carefully raised his head and stared at the innocent-looking device in front of him. That particular sound was only ever made when one of his minions messaged him directly. He'd decided that it was prudent after Edie had first shown up and terrified his workers into huddling together in one corner of the room. To be fair, they'd gotten a lot better when it came to working around the double-0s rather than against them, but he'd still changed the notification sounds on his phone, just in case.

Slowly reaching forwards, he tapped the home button and braced himself for the inevitable SOS message.

Another one just appeared. Please help.

Sighing, he reluctantly dragged himself to his feet and trudged over to the office door. If a fifth double-0 had decided to pop up without an invitation, then he guessed that it was his job to make sure they didn't maim and/or murder one of his minions.

It couldn't be any of his regular lot, because the TSS workers knew them by sight now, even if they didn't know their names yet. 006 was still in Cuba, 007 was still… wherever, which left 001, 004, and 008. Given that the former was meant to have landed in London not that long ago, it wasn't too much of a stretch to believe it to be her reporting for a mission debrief, although Q did have doubts about any of the double-0s actually doing what they were told. 004 and 008 were both still on deep cover missions, so it would be odd for them to have suddenly appeared without any forewarning, but then again - this was a double-0 that he was talking about.

Only one way to find out…

The first thing Q saw when he opened his office door, were each of his minions spread out and standing against the outside walls. It was almost as if an explosion had happened in the centre of the room, which had then catapulted each worker to the very edges of the branch, pressed back against the walls and looking slightly fearful.

Instead of there being a bomb in the middle of his branch, however, Q merely saw a pleasant-looking young woman. Fiery red hair framed a pale petite face with wide green eyes and cupid-bow lips. She was surprisingly short - for a double-0, at least - and seemed altogether rather harmless, with faint freckles and a light blue sundress and all.

Q slowly, purposefully, made his way down the stairs.

"001, I believe?"

She remained silent but raised a solitary, almost chastising eyebrow.

"Ms Palladino, then".

The second perfectly manicured eyebrow rose to join the first.

"... Alexis?"

She grinned, a flash of far-too-sharp teeth that suddenly made her look the exact opposite of harmless.

"Knew you'd get there eventually, hun. And how is my wonderful Quartermaster doing today?"

"Much better than those poor souls you left in Nova Scotia" Q replied dryly, coming to a stop a respectable five feet away, "I wasn't expecting to see you until tomorrow".

She gave a dainty shrug and brushed a strand of wavy hair behind a slightly pointed ear.

"I decided to shake things up. Actually behave for once. You seemed like such a fan of my last work, honey, I couldn't resist".

"Ah. Yes. Well… Not everyone is capable of making the psych department need their own psych department" he replied, "I cannot condone such behaviour, of course, but… well, it was before my time".

"And as such, you're in no position to reprimand me for it" she said easily, before suddenly holding out a small paper bag, "I brought you a present".

Q momentarily froze. A present? From a double-0?! But the double-0's didn't give people presents... Well, not unless you counted Charlie making him vanilla tea from time to time and Edie bringing back exotic leaves and a touristy souvenir from that one mission she went on and-

Hang on.

Hadn't he asked 001 to bring him back tea as well? Specifically, Westholme tea, which was on the expensive side and impossible to get in the UK so he'd said it as a joke more so than an actual request but did this mean-

"I wasn't sure which type you liked, so I got a mixture of black, green, and herbal. Will that do?"

Q lunged for the bag, ripping open the paper with far too much enthusiasm than what was strictly appropriate for a Head of Department, before reverently taking out not one, not two, but three boxes of different flavoured tea.

He stared at them, wide-eyed, for a moment, before slowly looking back up at her.

"001? I could kiss you right now".

"Hmm, maybe later" she replied calmly, "You're pretty cute, after all. In that adorable, floppy-haired, boy-next-door type of way. I would settle for a hug, however".

"A- A hug?" he stumbled, clutching the boxes of tea protectively close to his chest.

Alexis seemed amused. "Yes, Q, a hug. Saif said you're rather good at them".

And since when the hell were the double-0s using their ridiculous telepathic mind link thing to discuss the quality of their Quartermaster's hugs?!

"A hug. That's, uh…" he trailed off for a moment before suddenly shrugging, "Alright".

She had just gotten back from a mission, after all, and despite not appearing a fraction as wound-up as Saif had been, anything that helped her calm down at all could only benefit them. Mallory had made it clear in no uncertain terms that MI6 couldn't keep covering for the double-0s whenever they punched a civilian on a post-mission crash, so it was better to be safe than sorry and just let the touchy alpha hug him for a while.

Also, she'd brought him tea.

Gently placing his new prize possessions on the table next to him, he took a somewhat unsure step towards the woman.

001 just grinned. "You are so fucking adorable, I could eat you up with a spoon!"

He raised a sardonic eyebrow. "At least buy me dinner first".

She let out a surprised laugh, but stepped forwards anyway, closing the distance between them frighteningly quick and pulling him into a warm embrace.

Q automatically tensed up, the strong spicy scent of an unfamiliar alpha causing his brain to work on overload, but he quickly quietened those thoughts with a sharp illogical and tried to force himself to relax. Alexis still seemed to sense his unease, however, whether because of his own scent or his rigid frame or even just because it was her bloody job to be unnaturally observant, he wasn't sure. But instead of saying anything or calling him out on it, she simply adjusted her hold, both arms lowering to wrap around his waist rather than his neck, a position that moved them closer together, yes, but also a position that was far far easier for him to break out of if he wanted to.

"Saif wasn't kidding" she said quietly, too quiet for anyone else to overhear, "There really is something… calming about you, hun. This is… nice".

Despite his initial panic, Q had to agree. Outside of 005, and once, briefly, 009, he hadn't been hugged or even touched by an alpha with no ulterior motives since… well… ever, really. His previous - and only - alpha had been a manipulating lying bastard who had taught him the hard way how to live without the physical touch that all omega's needed on a regular basis. And Q was fine without it, really, he was, he'd survived this long after all, and he could survive a lot longer too but-

But there was still something… comforting about being hugged by an alpha. And as much as he tried to tell himself that it was for his agents' benefit, that letting them touch him and cuddle him was helping them to calm down, he knew full well that this entire contact thing was a two-way street. Just as 001 was being calmed by his scent, Q was slowly but surely being calmed by hers.

Alexis gently pulled back but continued to hold him close with a smile. "You are good at hugging, Q".

"Oh?" he asked, forcibly calm, "Have much experience in that regard, do you?"

She laughed. "You'd be surprised… Any chance of setting up a roster?"

"A roster?" He blinked, bewildered. "What on earth for?"

"For hugging you" Alexis replied, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, "There's five of us in town now, you know, and from what I hear, Trevelyan's op is due to wind down soon too. That's six double-0's you've got, and there's a limited number of hours in each day… I wouldn't want to miss out on any cuddle time".

Q stared at her.

A roster.

For.

Cuddling him?!

"... You know, every time I think that I'm just about starting to understand you lot, one of you will go ahead and suggest something like this".

"I take my cuddle time very seriously".

"Evidently".

001 smirked and finally released him, allowing him to put some space between himself and the strange alpha, but Q had to admit that he was actually sad to see her go.

"You're our Quartermaster, hun. You're in charge of the double-0s wellbeing and general welfare".

"And that welfare includes having designated time slots to hug me in?"

"It does now". She winked. "I'll discuss it with the others and we'll come up with something. I expect to see you bright and early tomorrow morning for my daily hug! Enjoy the tea, honey".