The Girl from Headquarters
As soon as they stepped out of the office, the other double-0s stood to attention. Or, at least, gave them their attention considering that Edie was still very much draped across a blushing Eve's desk, and Alexis and Saif were still pressed together shoulder to hip on the waiting room chairs. Duncan still had his phone in his hands too, but Q wasn't sure if that was a good sign or a bad one - or if that good or bad sign applied to him or Mortner.
"Orders?" Edie asked, her tone serious despite her suggestive position.
"Protection duty" Alec replied, just as no-nonsense, and she gave a single nod before getting to her feet with far with more grace than any single human being had any right to have.
"I'll call for back-up".
A second later, she had a mobile in her hand, hit a single number, and stepped off to the side of the room as she started talking in quick-fire Arabic.
Or Hebrew.
Q wasn't sure.
The guttural sounds made him think the former, but it was also softer-sounding like the latter. Either way, he couldn't understand much, but based on the way Saif was nodding, she was clearly saying something that the others agreed with.
Who the double-0s would use as back-up, he wasn't sure.
He also wasn't sure if he wanted to find out.
"And Mortner?" Alexis asked, voice quiet but undercut with something vicious.
"Gone to ground. M's got the juniors on it" Charlie replied, "He's told us to stay away".
"Told us? Or ordered?" she countered, and Q could already feel the incoming headache.
"Ordered, 001!" he snapped, "You lot are not, and I repeat, not allowed to go off on your own with this!"
"He hurt you!" Alec immediately snapped back, "And nobody that hurts you deserves to get away with it!"
"Oh, and I suppose that they deserve murder instead?"
"With a little torture thrown in first, sure!"
"006!"
"Quartermaster!"
"Alec!"
"Q!"
Saif sighed and stood up.
"This is getting us nowhere. Let's just focus on protecting our little menace for now, alright?"
The blond continued to glare at the omega with folded arms, somehow managing to make the petulant stance dangerous looking rather than childish, but Q was damned if he didn't give as good as he got and scowled right back at him.
Until an unfairly tall, muscular, and bronze-skinned model stepped in front of him, that was, effectively cutting off their challenging stare down.
"Come on, Q" Saif said quietly, reaching up to ruffle his hair, "Let's get you back to your lair, yeah?"
"... It's not my lair, it's my domain" he finally replied, pouting as the man's hands completely disarrayed his curls, "And I don't need all of you on bloody guard dog duty either!"
"We'll see" he replied non-committedly, easily turning the Quartermaster around with an arm thrown over his shoulder, "But I'm sure you've got tons of work to do and no time to do it, so let's get going, alright? Alexis? Blair?"
They both nodded, Charlie holding open the door for them as they left, and Q was very much aware of the fact that they were trying to distract him. Edie had turned her attention back to an unfairly amused Eve, while Duncan remained typing on his phone and Alec half-collapsed on the chair next to him. The omega knew exactly what the stupid bloody idiots were going to discuss as soon as he left, but he also knew that once a double-0 had their mind set on something, then there was nothing - not even a particularly cute and disgruntled Quartermaster - that could deter them.
Instead, he allowed himself to be dragged back to his lab, and despite his grumblings, he was secretly glad for his agent's presence around him. The ordeal with Mortner hadn't left him shaken, exactly, considering that he had once spent far too long living with a bastard who'd done a hell of lot worse than simply choke him before, but he still didn't feel very… secure right now.
Having three super strong, muscular, terrifying hitmen killing machines definitely helped him out in that regard.
It also had the added bonus of deterring his minions from asking him any questions on this hellish morning. R clearly gave him a look that said we'll talk later when she saw his bodyguards, while Halim and Silvia both gave him concerned glances, and Daniel looked equal parts annoyed and afraid, especially when he caught sight of Charlie.
Q collected his wallet, phone, and the bloody taser from his desk in the lab before making his way back to his own private office, not even bothering to roll his eyes when Saif demanded that he secured the room first. The alpha hadn't been exaggerating when he said he probably had a ton of work to do, and despite loving his job, Q was not looking forward to any of it. The last few days had been a rollercoaster of fear and pain and anxiety and if he wasn't so afraid for the state of England when he returned, he would be asking M for a holiday right about now.
As it was, he had a whole bunch of requisition forms to sign off on, three absent double-0s to watch out for, the chemical factory files Alec had gathered to go through, the final tests on the new palm print recognition software to complete, and on top of all of that, he also had six other double-0s to keep out of prison for murder.
Well, Q mused, watching as Charlie, Saif, and Alexis took up their guard dog positions in different corners of the room, at least he could never claim that his life was boring.
Despite the red alert of the double-0s, the protection orders from M, and his own general increased wariness, Q found it surprisingly easy to fall into a pattern after that.
The folders that Alec had retrieved from Ourumov's computers were a surprisingly good distraction from the whole someone-just-tried-to-kill-me ordeal, and he easily found himself spending endless hours getting lost down the file chain. The documents inside were encrypted, of course, but no amount of money or experts in the world could keep Q out of something he wasn't supposed to be in, so that apparent challenge only kept him occupied for half a day, by which time his guard duty had swapped with Edie, Alec, and Duncan, all three of whom looked suspiciously innocent.
He didn't let it bother him and instead focused on extracting the data from the chemical factory's files, trying to work out just where, exactly, the Russian general himself might go next now that he no longer had his drugs or money.
When the paperwork became too dull and his eyes started to burn from staring at screens too long, Q sequestered himself in the workshop, spending hours tinkering away with the microdermal sensor chip until he had it perfected, and snapping at the double-0s to keep their paws off the rest of his inventions in between. The palm print recognition system was finally good to go, and it didn't take long to add it to his double-0s favourite gun of choice. The set-up was identical to the one he'd originally designed for James bloody Bond - who, of course, had somehow lost it - and he wasn't surprised to find that these particular agents showed him a lot more gratitude for the state-of-the-art technology.
The rest of the time, he spent eating pre-taste-tested food, sleeping in a pre-secure-checked apartment, and talking to pre-safety-approved people - which, apparently, didn't include M. Duncan's explanation of that was "Mallory is just a fucking paper pusher" which Q wasn't quite sure was a good enough reason to keep his boss out of his office. Thankfully, both Eve and R met the double-0s safety standards, although Bill was only allowed to talk to him from afar. It was all more than a little bit ridiculous, especially since Mortner was very likely long gone by now without any intention of finishing the job, so to speak.
But still, Q found himself allowing his agents their little moments, if not because it kept them happy, then because it kept them non-murderous. Or, at least, not overly murderous, which, for a double-0, was pretty good. The other added benefit of letting his agents protect him was the self-defence lessons.
True to his word, Duncan agreed to teach the omega basic martial arts. Basic for MI6, that was, as some of these moves Q had no doubt were illegal outside of the Old Vic Tunnels. Having checked that his stitches were now fully dissolved, and the bruises on his throat were starting to fade, 003 had launched a full-scale attack, checking what the younger man knew and what he didn't. Q came out of the whole affair with far more bruises than he had going in, but he also felt stronger, better, more secure in his own capabilities. They set up a routine, waiting until most of the building had left for the night before heading to the sparring room that the previous M - his M - had built to "let off some steam" as it were.
Duncan had been more than a little surprised when the omega admitted he'd done jiu-jitsu as a kid to help defend himself against the multitude of school bullies he'd faced, and Q didn't know whether to be offended by the agent's reaction or not. Either way, it made no difference, and they spent each night going over the common holds, escape methods, and most popular offence and defence when it came to street fighting.
The days passed away in a blur of paperwork and combat, and before he knew it, an entire week had passed since Mortner's attack, and M was still no closer to finding the man.
According to Eve, that was, since apparently, the Head of MI-bloody-6 still wasn't "good enough" to talk to Q directly. Which, Eve informed him again, the man was most definitely not impressed with. She also told him that if the junior agents couldn't track down the ex-nurse by the end of the following week, then Mallory was going to call off the search.
On one hand, Q understood completely. It was a waste of resources and time by keeping the double-0s on babysitting duty on the very off-chance that an angry alpha might risk being murdered just to come back to attack him again… On the other hand, however, he kind of liked having his alphas surrounding him constantly. It wasn't all that different from before, given the "cuddle roster" that Alexis had put together, but now there was always more than one double-0 with him at a time, and he could usually count on at least two of them to be watching his apartment while he slept too.
He could still defend himself, now more than ever, what with their resident martial artist teaching him everything he knew, but Q also had to admit that having the extra protection was… nice, in a way. Like an extra layer of security wrapped around an already secure encryption.
It also had the added benefit of preventing the double-0s from starting any pub fights, bar crawls, and/or murder sprees, which was always a bonus.
And it was because of all this, that when Q finally shut off the water to the shower, wrapped a towel around his waist, and returned to the locker room for his clothes and glasses, he was quite positive that their resident psychopath would be waiting for him.
He was wrong.
Q stared at the sight of the china doll in front of him.
Or, well, the real-life china doll, he should have said, given that this woman - girl?! - was very much a living breathing human being, no matter how bisque-esque she looked.
"... You're not Duncan".
"I'm not" she agreed.
He desperately wracked his brain for an answer and tried to forget the fact that he was only wearing a towel.
"... You're Millicent Osmund".
"I am" she agreed again.
"... 008".
"Yes".
Perfect porcelain skin, flawless blond ringlets, and crystal blue eyes stared back at him.
Q blinked and tilted his head to the side, bewildered.
The fragile, delicate figure in front of him mimicked his movements.
"Well… this is a pleasant surprise".
"Why?"
"... Why is it a surprise or why is it pleasant?"
"Both".
Q stared at her.
Millicent Osmund stared back.
"... I wasn't expecting you to return so soon" he finally answered, "And most certainly not in the gym's locker room while I'm only half-dressed".
He expected her to make a quip about his semi-nakedness, expected her to react much in the same way that he knew for a fact seven of her cohorts would react. What he hadn't expected, was for her to frown, seemingly genuinely confused, and then say:
"But this is where Duncan said you were. Where else would I go?"
"... To my office, perhaps?"
"And wait?" Her frown deepened and she shook her head. "No. That is not efficient. Here, I can make my report while you get dressed and that way, we save time".
She had to be joking.
"If it's efficiency you're after, 008, then haven't we wasted enough time already by having this particular discussion?"
Another slow, measured blink, and then-
"You are correct, Quartermaster. I shall start my report now".
She wasn't joking.
"Ms Osmund-"
"Milli" she interrupted, and he paused, "... Milli?"
"Yes. It is my nickname that is used among the double-0s. I have been told that using a nickname breeds familiarity, and familiarity breeds friendship… Are we friends now, Quartermaster?"
He was way too sober for this.
"... If you would like us to be" he finally replied, self-consciously adjusting the towel around his waist, "Then yes, I would… love to be your friend".
"Do you find me attractive?"
Q choked.
"Do I- I- Do I- Do I what?!"
"Do you find me attractive?" Milli repeated, as blasé as ever and holy fuck he really was too sober for this shit, "Your use of the term 'love' implies a more familial or romantic attraction than friendship, although Saif has informed me that you are attracted to men exclusively. Have you changed your mind?"
Q stared at her.
And stared.
And stared.
And stared.
And throughout it all, instead of getting nervous or flustered or confused, Millicent Osmund stared right back at him unblinking, perfect skin and perfect hair and perfect eyes unmoving.
"... I need to sit down".
"Are you going to faint?" She frowned again, but even that was somehow doll-like and not-real in nature. "I shall call Duncan if you're going to faint. Are you?"
"No, 008, I am not going to faint" he replied, very faintly, as he sank down on the bench opposite from her, mostly naked with wet hair and no glasses and-
"Oh. You called me 008. Are we no longer friends?"
Sweet Merlin and he'd thought that the others were bad.
"Yes, Milli, we're still friends" Q replied carefully, "But right now, I need to get dressed, and I would… prefer it if I could do that alone. I understand that you want to save time, but I'm free for the rest of tonight, so you won't be wasting any of my time by reporting in after I return to my office. Now. Do you have somewhere else to be tonight?"
"No".
"Okay, good, so… so we wouldn't be wasting your time either by delaying your report by a few minutes?"
She seemed to think for a minute, and Q held his breath, wondering if this was how everyone on the Enterprise had felt when trying to explain their "illogical human actions" to Spock.
"... You are correct" she said a moment later, "I shall wait for you in your office and mentally prepare my report".
"Good. Thank you. I'll, uh… see you there, then".
"Yes. As we discussed".
Milli stood, just as fragile and delicate looking while moving as she was stationary, and took careful, measured steps towards the door without a single glance back. Q remained where he was, shivering in the cold air and more than a little bit bewildered.
Okay.
So.
He had 001; a vicious fae-like creature, 002; quiet and shy and sometimes invisible, 003; all brawn but with a frightening amount of brain, 005; reckless and charming with a kink for his curls, 006; unfairly attractive with an addiction to flames, 009; flirty and warm and far too innocent looking, and now, it would seem, he had 008.
Straight-forward to the extreme, with the appearance of a porcelain doll, and more than a little apathetic when it came to human emotions.
Q bit back sudden hysterical laughter and reached for his clothes instead.
Oh well.
At least this one seemed capable of actually following the rules.