Raiden woke with a start by a breath being forcefully pulled into him. The sensation was puzzling to a mind that was still caught between waking and a heavy stupor. He experimentally drew in a breath. Normal. Unobstructed. No reason for the forceful inhale that pulled him from indistinct dreams. No reason at first glance that is. There was a warning going off within his software. A breach of his systems and a manual override of his motor functions.
Raiden immediately wrenched back command of his body from the outside source. Control was yielded back to him at once at his command and without resistance. That could change at any moment however, as the foreign system was still registered as connected to him via one of the ports at the base of his skull.
The man opened his eyes as he reached upwards, fully intending to disconnect the invading cord. He had only a brief moment to wonder why the limb was not obeying properly. His instincts screamed out a warning to him as something dark and large loomed over him in the dimly lit room. Reflexively his arm changed its course upward to lash out at the potential threat, a dozen memories of waking exactly like this flashing before his eyes.
The sound of Raiden's knuckles weakly impacting against metal rang dully out in the room. He tried to pull himself away from the threat only to find that his new limbs did not want to fully cooperate with him. The malfunction in his Body-Machine-Interface only amplified his fear. He could not fight and he could not flee. The panic that seized him began to ease once he realized that the dark figure with the red glow was not attacking. It remained motionless before him.
The haze of the past cleared away letting his eyes focus on the reality of the dark shape before him. The wedge shaped head, glowing red eyes, and a thick cable for a tail waving lazily in the air. 'Wolf.' he realized with jolt of recognition. Other than some vague memories of the AI being present at his connection procedure, Raiden hadn't seen the AI since their parting years ago.
Wolf looked completely unperturbed from the strike which had admittedly been clumsy and weak. Raiden tried to sit up and look about but his limbs were sluggish and trembling. In the end he was too exhausted to keep up the struggle and sank heavily back down on the bed. He looked about him and tried to make sense of where he was and what exactly was going on.
The man recognized the area he was in as one of the recovery rooms at the Maverick labs. He realized that he was in his usual bed that had the best view of all the exits. The main ceiling lights were off but the light streaming in from the halls illuminated the room nearly too brightly as he was still unaccustomed to light. What he saw hitched his already unsteady breathing. On the next bed over, curled up tightly in the scratchy white blankets was his son.
John had his pillow covering half of his face to block out the light and his mouth hung open slightly, snoring softly. He had grown so much it was unbelievable. He was all arms and legs, exactly as Raiden had been at that age. He hadn't expected the boy to show up for his attachment procedure. He had expected that tear filled embrace even less.
It wasn't better, not by a long shot, but some of the broken pieces inside of him stitched themselves back together as he had reached for the boy and John had immediately come to him. Perhaps all was not as hopeless as it had seemed at first. He could look for hours at his teenage son, taking in all the changes these few years had wrought, trying to get back some of what had been stolen from him.
Now if only he could see Rose then the rest of the wounds could begin to close. The fact that she had yet to come visit filled him with a pervasive dread. With each day that passed that she did not come by, the way others danced around the subject of her, and they way John had spoken like she had moved on made Raiden afraid that he had screwed up one too many times for her to forgive.
Wolf shifted slightly, still looking down at the man. Raiden reluctantly pulled his attention from John and his thoughts of Rose to the AI hovering near him. Wolf sat back on the floor beside the bed, front paws resting lightly on the mattress. Wolf looked between John and Raiden and then well familiar ringing of a Codec hailing him sounded. It took him a moment to remember how to answer but it came back to him quickly enough. The boy on the next bed over slept through their soundless conversation.
"Raiden. You are awake now, yes?" Wolf peered at him, glowing red eyes unnerving in the dim light.
"...Yes." Artificial nerves in his knuckles reported a dull ache where he had lashed out and struck the AI. The lingering feeling of alarm fading as his heart rate finally settled.
"I apologize for frightening you. It was not my intention." Wolf sounded almost subdued in his apology. Raiden lifted up an uncooperative arm and rubbed at his eyes. They felt...odd. A foreign pressure after years of hollowness. He rubbed harder, trying to chase away the uncomfortable feeling of fullness. He felt an irrational impulse to remove them to rid himself of the strange sensation. It was one of many sensations washing over him threatening to drown him and Raiden was grateful for the quiet dim room.
"No. It's not your fault. I don't react too well when people get close to me when I'm asleep. I'm sorry Wolf. About hitting you."
"Do not worry. I am not offended." Wolf nosed at his hand with his cold hard muzzle. Raiden was taken aback at the unexpected display of what seemed to be affection. A shaking hand hovered in the air for a moment before resting it upon the metal snout. Raiden pet the machine slowly, grateful that he was able to move on his own again. That he was able to feel even if it was overwhelming.
"I should have anticipated such a reaction considering your history. I did not intend to make myself seem like a threat. I only wished to observe you more closely." Wolf kept his head low, content to let Raiden idly pet him.
"Why? And why are you hooked up to me?" Indeed in the light coming in from the hall Raiden could see the cord coming from the base of Wolf's head hanging down and snaking up and over the side of the bed out of his line of sight. He quit petting Wolf to shakily reach up to feel the thick cord plugged into him. Wolf quickly caught his hand before he could tug at it, prehensile tongue wrapped loosely around his wrist.
"Please do not remove that." Raiden let his hand be gently pulled away and sat back down by his side. Already he missed the contact, a touch from another that was not a product of his imagination. "It has been placed there for your own well being. I hope you are not offended. If you wish I shall disconnect immediately once we set up a viable alternative."
"I'm not upset Wolf." Raiden tried to reassure. Just like him, Wolf knew a thing or two about being denied choice. If Wolf said it was for a reason, then it must be for a good one. "I'm just... confused."
With a jolt of fear, the strange sensation that had awoken him returned. It was almost like a pressure, an itch. He clutched at his chest as the contraction of his diaphragm caused him to take in a great lungful of air as if someone had reached inside and pulled the air in themselves. Raiden tried to sit up again in his alarm but was stilled in surprise as Wolf gently lay his head down upon the man's chest.
On the next bed over John snored on, oblivious.
"Do not be afraid." Wolf tried to soothe. Reflexively Raiden inhaled again and the darkness that had been creeping in on the edges of his vision unnoticed vanished. The man then realized that he hadn't been breathing. Looking at the cord, he finally understood that Wolf was the source of the sensation that prompted him to inhale.
"I am connected to you because the Doktor asked it of me. The extended time you have spent in captivity connected to life support has caused side effects. Your brain has forgotten how to regulate respiration on its own."
Raiden ran both trembling hands down his face. He would have cried in frustration were he capable of such an action. It was all becoming too much. His family, the years stolen away from him, and now his independence? Whoever had taken him managed to break him in ways that Solidus and the Patriots never could.
Raiden fought against the urge to break down. Instead, he forced himself to take deep controlled breaths. Wolf had yet to remove his head from resting on the man's chest. Giving in to impulse, Raiden wrapped his arms around the machine, holding on to it like a lifeline. Wolf only scooted closer, content with the action.
"Do not be afraid." Wolf repeated softly over the codec. "The Doktor has plans to correct this issue. To ensure that you do not perish from lack of oxygen, I will monitor you and prompt your autonomic nervous system whenever it falters. I shall be vigilant. You will not expire on my watch. Doktor thought it would be more beneficial for us to proceed this way then to have the process automated and prolong your condition. I admit to having some reservations however."
"I don't blame you for not wanting to be hooked up to my head." Raiden whispered, struggling against being overwhelmed. He closed his eyes tightly and focused on the solid presence on his chest, moving up and down with his slow deliberate breaths.
"It is not that. In the years since we have last spoken I have learned much about AI that called itself 'The Patriots'. Considering your past I did not think you would wish for me to be connected." Raiden opened his eyes to look down at Wolf. Blue met red and Wolf continued onward with his explanation. "I am honored that despite your history, you decided to spare me in Abkhazia and to welcome me on your other missions. If you do not wish for me to be connected to you I would understand in full. I also would not blame you or hold any ill will should that be your choice."
"Wolf...it's ok." The man closed his eyes once more and focused on the solid presence of the AI to keep from being lost to the turmoil within. "If you were going to turn on me you had plenty of opportunities to do so. You've done nothing other than help me. You even stuck around when you were shown what I really am. I don't know what you think or feel about it, but I consider you a friend."
Raiden meant it too. There were not many individuals in this world that he would consider as a friend. He had been betrayed and used one too many times for him to be carefree in growing close to others. He would have likely died out there in that desert if Wolf hadn't come to his aid with that sword in the eleventh hour. Wolf was more than deserving of the title of friend.
"I am honored by your trust and your friendship. I also consider you friend." Wolf shifted to get better situated with his position of laying half way on the bed.
"...Thank you."
"As your friend. I wish to be of help to you as much as possible now that you need it. I am sorry that I have not been able to visit before now. I was fulfilling a request made by Boris. I am here now however."
"You've already appointed yourself as my personal life support system Wolf. I don't know how much more you can do." Raiden opened his eyes to peer back down at the AI. He gave Wolf one of the most halfhearted smiles he had ever managed, none of the motion reaching his eyes.
It was difficult not to let the despondency creep up upon him. He kept reminding himself that it was an improvement, but for every step forward he also seemed to take one back. He wanted to get up and run again without being confined to a basement, a table, a bed. He wanted to be able to hold his son without being overwhelmed by the feeling of being touched and the boys crying. He wanted his family back. He wanted to go home. He was closer to those goals than he had been mere days ago yet in this dark room with tremors wracking him it felt like an impossibility.
Wolf scooted up a little higher and nosed his chin, as if he knew what hopeless thoughts were plaguing the man. Perhaps he did.
"That is only support physically. You have been damaged in many other ways. Support, affection, and tactile connection would be psychologically beneficial to combat the symptoms of solitary confinement and sensory deprivation. I have done extensive research upon your retrieval." Wolf informed. "Even though I am artificial and insufficient, I hope my intent will suffice. If there is anyway I can assist, please inform me."
Raiden did not answer him. He did not know how to respond to or even process such a declaration. The statement was left hanging in the air with neither man nor machine moving save for Wolf's tail lazily waving in the air and Raiden's fingers moving over the smooth metal of Wolfs forehead. Just focusing on breathing and not falling into despair was all he could manage at the moment.
Raiden deliberated with himself for a few moments then let out a sigh. Careful not to cut himself on the myriad of edges, he nudged Wolf's head to move up and off of his chest. The machine sat back on its haunches, removing even his front paws off the bed from the rejection. It was absurd how something made of all blades and metal could look so crestfallen.
It was a struggle that nearly had him breaking down in frustration but eventually Raiden managed to move himself to the other side of the bed away from Wolf. Laying on his side along the edge of the bed, Raiden gave the much larger empty space a pat, a quiet invitation, or rather a plea from a soul that had been alone for far too long.
It took Wolf a moment to recognize the gesture for what it was. Once the AI realized, Wolf perked up immediately and hopped up upon the bed with surprising gentleness and settled down beside of him. Wolf made sure to stay as close to the edge as possible so as to not crowd the man. Raiden wished that he hadn't as it was difficult for him to get his malfunctioning self to move and close the distance.
Slowly, just in case the action was unwanted, Raiden wrapped and arm around Wolf's neck and rested his forehead against the machine. His true skin picked up the smoothness and chill of the metal far better than the synthetic material coating the rest of him. Despite the extra sensitivity, it seemed like it was the only sensation that did not threaten to overwhelm him. It seemed to somewhat soothe the tremors that constantly ran through him.
When there was no objection, he tried to move the rest of the way over only to have the AI already closing the distance in understanding. Wolf was steady, trustworthy, and there. Raiden drew what comfort he could from the nonjudgmental support that had been offered him. Everybody else that had visited him these past few days wanted to talk to him, to get him to talk. He just needed someone to be there to let him be, without words washing over him that sounded pretty but did nothing to change the situation or what had already happened.
With similar slowness and care for boundaries, Wolf wrapped his tail around the both of them. An unusual bed mate to sleep beside, for sure, but Raiden was too weary to care. This would be the first time since childhood that he had slept next to another without fear of hurting them or of being hurt. Many times in his life he had acted as a guardian, often risking everything to keep his charge safe. It was nice for once to be the one being looked after and having full faith that they would go to those same lengths for him.
Wolf remained by his side without motion and without comment in the dark room. Raiden avoided having to think by focusing only on the slow inhale and exhale of his breathing until drowsiness once again came for him. He never noticed the transition from his own breaths to Wolfs influence or the ending of the codec call as he once again drifted off to sleep.
-0-0-0-
"I have two fives and two eights. You?"
"I possess three kings. I am the winner once more."
"Again? You've got to be cheating."
Raiden was awoken to the sound of his son's whispered protests. There was also Wolf's familiar monotone quietly coming from somewhere off to to his right. John's complaints were conducted in soft tones but it was hard not to wake up around escalating moods. Raiden was honestly surprised that he hadn't woken up sooner with others moving and talking around him in the room. It was a testament to how compromised he truly was.
Not wanting to announce his waking just yet and face the world, Raiden cracked open one eye and slyly peered about him. He was still in the recovery rooms. The main lights were on but thankfully dimmed in his little section. His internal clocks read that it was only a few minuets past nine in the morning.
On the bed that John had slept last night, the boy and machine were engaged in a game of poker. John was propped up against the wall up at the head of the bed, sitting amidst a nest of blankets and pillows. Wolf was lounging at the foot of the bed, cards held neatly by the three actuators on the tip of his tail.
Raiden had never noticed the machine slipping away from his side in the night. He did not know if it was because he felt so secure around Wolf or if he had simply been that out of it. The cord connecting the two of them trailed off the neighboring bed and snaked across the floor and up the side of the bed to him. He took a deliberate breath at the reminder. Wolf had to know that he was awake but the AI did not indicate or acknowledge the fact.
Looking out beyond the two playing cards, Raiden's heart fell to see that the room beyond was devoid of any other occupants. Was still devoid of Rose.
His attention was brought back to the here and now as Wolf replied to John's accusations.
"There has been no need for me to cheat. You are a nonthreatening opponent."
"What did you say?" John's pale face was starting to become flush with anger. Raiden was so sorry that the boy had inherited his temper rather than his long-suffering mother's. Although on this occasion it looked like he had good reason to be irritated. Between Wolf's paws sat a rather large pile of bolts. Sitting beside John's sock covered foot was just a measly three. It was hard not to be somewhat amused at his son's expense.
"As I have come to learn, poker is less about the cards themselves and more about your opponent. You read your opponent to see if they are bluffing. It is simple to deduce if you are lying or possess a good hand by monitoring your breathing and heart-rate. It also helps to know which cards have already been put in play."
"See!" John threw his cards down on the bed. "You even confessed to it. Card counter! And it's hard to tell when you are bluffing because you don't have a heart-rate or breathing. You just.." John gestured wildly at his own face "...sit there! There's nothing to read. It's not fair that I can't do the same."
"I recall that it was you that suggested we play this game. You seemed quite confident in your ability to beat me." Wolf crossed his front paws, lounging like a smug cat.
"Yeah, that was before I knew you were a card counting cheater. You need to learn how to play fair."
"Or it is you that needs to, as they say on the internet, get good."
Raiden couldn't help the chuckle that escaped him.
"Dad!" Bolts and cards were scattered everywhere as John scrambled off the bed and rushed to his side. Raiden flinched at the shout and the sharp sound of metal clattering to the floor. John winced and immediately halted in his approach. "Sorry. I'm sorry."
"It's...ok son." Raiden put a hand over his eyes to shield them from the light. The limb was still as uncooperative as it had been the night before, to his displeasure and complete lack of surprise. Instead of dwelling upon it, he shifted his gaze to observe his son. John stood between the two beds, uncertainty written all over his face. The boy tugged at the pull strings of his hoodie, hesitant to approach now for fear of doing something else that may cause distress.
Raiden hated that his son looked so uncertain around him. Did the boy see him as a stranger now or was he hesitant due to seeing him in such a fragile state? He was struck by the parallels between their first meeting and now. With him once more in a medical bed and the both of them quietly looking at the other not knowing what to say. Only this time Rose was not here to act as encouragement for the both of them.
"You've grown so much." Raiden crooked the fingers shielding his eyes in a summoning motion. "C'mere. Lemme get a better look at you." John approached closer to him into the dimmer corner of the room. Without the glare of the lights he was better able to get his first unobscured view of his son in years. John kneeled in the floor by the bed and looked up at him with bright blue eyes that were growing watery. Good God the kid was starting to look so much like him.
"Hi son." Raiden reached over and placed his hand upon the boy's head slightly ruffling the mess of blond hair. John swiped at a rogue tear with an oversized sleeve then took the offered hand in both of his.
"Hi. Dad. How are you feeling? Are you ok now? Do you need anything?" John kept his voice low and did not crowd him any further than holding his hand. Wolf or Doktor must have informed him that he would be easily overwhelmed with all of his restored senses. He hated that he needed to be treated so carefully, but Doktor had warned him after all.
"I feel alright. All things considered. I'll need have a talk with Doktor and see what he says before I can answer that one. Where is he anyway?"
"The Doktor is currently operating on another patient. He will not be available for some hours." Wolf answered softly click-clicking his way up to John's side by the bed. Raiden fought back a sigh. He really needed to talk with the Dok and see how long this limbo state was going to be. But as much as he wished to speak with the older man, there was someone that needed Raiden's attention far more right now.
"Hey Wolf? Could you give us privacy to talk please?" Wolf looked down at the cord in the floor and over to the door. There was no way it would reach over such a distance. He looked back and forth again, paw held up in uncertainty. Fortunately the solution to the AI's dilemma was simple.
"Hold on a second…" Raiden said and closed his eyes. Reaching out he accessed Wolf's connection with him and granted permission for the AI to monitor him remotely. It was risky for a cyborg to allow someone to have that kind of power over them. There had been far too many cases of brain-jackings by people that were too trusting with their friends or spouses and paid the price. Numerous warnings flashed before his minds eye as he overrode the security measures one after another.
Objectively he knew that the action could be seen as foolish. He had only known Wolf for a short amount of time after all, and he did not have the best track record with AI's. But after last night, he could not deny the sincerity and the security that Wolf had offered him when he had been feeling so low. Raiden supposed that he just wanted the feeling of someone looking out for him to last as long as it could.
"Raiden…" Wolf looked at him intently once he had received the necessary permissions from the man's side of the connection. Wolf did not yet accept the link up.
"I don't expect you to do the same on my end. In fact, I would rather you didn't." Raiden said bluntly. John looked between the two of them in confusion. "You are your own individual and I don't want you to even have the thought of being controlled hanging over your head. Even though I wouldn't do such a thing."
"I am deeply honored by your trust and I will stake my existence on upholding that trust. I give you this promise that I will only monitor and support your vitals, never anything more." Raiden felt Wolf accept the connection and nodded, a little bit of the weight taken off of his shoulders from one he knew he could trust.
John gave out a cry of alarm as his father reached up and pulled the cord free from his neck.
"Wait! But what about the…"
"It's ok son." Raiden soothed, giving the boy a crooked smile. "I've just given Wolf remote access. Now he can keep an eye on me without having to worry about that." He motioned to the cord Wolf was coiling up neatly.
"I will return this to the Doktor's assistants. I will leave the both of you to your discussion." Wolf announced as he turned, cord hanging loosely from his mouth. The two blonds watched the AI's departure until the tip of his tail disappeared into the bright hallway.
They turned to look at one another. There was so much that Raiden had wanted to say to the boy, had needed to say, but the words had fled him. Seeing John look at him with unsure, almost nervous eyes, was like a knife twisting in his chest. He was a teen now, on the verge of becoming a man, but all Raiden saw was that same little boy looking up at him with wide blue eyes uncertain about what to say to his stranger of a father. Raiden felt like a stranger all over again.
"So...umm…" John trailed off awkwardly, folding under the older man's gaze. "It's been a while. I'm really glad. To have you back. I've missed you so much."
A hitch in his chest prompted him to breathe. Raiden did not know if it was from Wolf or if finally being able to see his boy again with his own two eyes.
"I've missed you too." Raiden really didn't trust himself to say any more without choking up. The boy that he had hurt so badly with his absence and mistakes was now looking up at him with none of the resentment or anger that the he had been so frightened of. His son got back to his feet and awkwardly muttered about getting a chair and the floor being cold before wandering off. There were a few suspicious sniffles coming from that direction.
The paranoid part within Raiden wondered if he was still trapped in that cold dark place hallucinating still. He had seen many distorted scenarios like this one being played out by his isolated and desperate mind. He had dreamt that he was rescued and home many a times only to wake right back up in the same hell when the illusion shattered. Were he not so exhausted he might have become alarmed at the possibility that none of this was real.
"I'm sorry." John said, snapping Raiden back to the here and now. The boy took great pains to set the chair down gently without sound. He slid into the seat and shyly took his fathers hand again. Raiden willed his fingers wrap around the smaller hand in his. "I didn't mean to wake you up. It was my fault. Wolf's a cheat and I got mad. I'm sorry Dad."
"Think twice before going up against an AI. They play to win." He have the teenager a smile. The way the boy beside of him returned his smile with a bright eyes instead of that subdued expression was like cool water on a burn. A balm to his aching soul. The man's smile became more sincere and the boy joyfully mirrored the expression
"So you've played cards against AIs too?"
"Not poker. It was more of a...role playing game. So what do you think of Wolf? I think he likes you." John's expression lit up with joy. He managed to reign in most of his enthusiasm for the sake of not overwhelming his father.
"Wolf's really choice. Other than being a cheating punk, that is. I know that he's an AI, but it's like I'm talking with a real person." The teen paused to consider for a moment. "A really odd person. But it's like he's alive."
"He is. In his own way. He might be made up of different stuff than you or I. Well...you, but he's still a sentient being. Alan Turing eat your heart out."
"Who?" John wrinkled his nose in confusion. What were they teaching kids in schools now a days?
"Ah, just an old computer guy. Lots of stuff about artificial intelligence. I can tell you all about him and other related stuff later when I get my head back on straight." Raiden tried for a self depreciating joke. John's expression fell and the man immediately wished he hadn't thrown out that reminder. "Or you can look him up on your own and we can discuss it later."
"I can ask Sunny is she knows anything about him. I don't have a way to get on the net right now with security and all. She wants to be friends. It'll be something I can use as a conversation starter. I get the feeling that she's into tech stuffs." John speculated, looking over the subtle seams on his fathers hand and forearm.
Raiden didn't quite catch the laugh before it escaped him, puzzling John.
"Saying that Sunny is into tech is like saying that I've had a bit of cyber work done." Raiden could see John mentally filing that note away for later, obviously feeling like he has missed something
"How come we've never met?" The teen asked, disappointment lacing his tone. "She gave me an abridged version of her past. About her mom, and how you rescued her and all of that. And I dunno, it would have been nice to get to know her. Have her as a friend growing up." John shrugged, trying to play it cool. Raiden filed away that slight blush for later.
The man was pleased to hear that the two teens were getting along. John had always struggled making friends. It had been the source of many tears and ice cream runs to cheer him up. The issue manly was that his son could be more than a little hardheaded and fully capable of holding a grudge against those involved in harmless schoolyard teasing for years. He got it honestly.
Raiden had no idea if that was still the case now that he was a teenager, but he did feel a genuine stab of regret that John and Sunny didn't have the chance to grow up together. His son and the girl he loved as a daughter. If the bright eyed girl could managed to bring even Snake to heel, then John and his stubbornness would have had no chance.
Raiden was snapped back to focus as air was pulled in for him. Realizing that he had mentally wandered off yet again, he returned to his son's question.
"It was mostly for privacy and security reasons." The regret ran deeper than John knew. "As much as I would have liked to, staying in contact back then would have been risky."
"Because of your job?" John pulled his legs up to sit cross legged on the hard plastic chair.
"And her Uncle's. One of them was something like...lets call it black ops." Raiden closed his eyes, looking off into memories. "Best there ever was. One day I've got to tell you all about him. Its quite the story to tell. That guy has saved my ass a bunch of times. I saved his too on occasion."
"Speaking of saving people, that's what a lot of people here have been telling me about you." John looked at him with a curious expression.
"Hmm?"
"The other night Sunny told me about how you saved her. Just a little while ago when you were still sleeping Bladewolf told me all about how the two of you met. He told me the story of how you saved him from being erased. He also told me how the two of you went on missions together to save a bunch of kids."
Raiden felt a prickle of anxiety run through him. There were certain things about himself, the dark things, the blood drenched things, that John was far too young to hear about. If Raiden had his way John would never learn about that part of him. He and Rose had agreed back when they had reconnected to keep his past under wraps for John's sake, or at least until he was an adult. Now there was the issue of The Ripper in himself finally being let out to play. Even the years of captivity felt like it was not enough to put Jack back in the box.
"He tell you much about those missions?" The loaded question was presented causally. Raiden doubted that John would be sitting beside of him, occasionally letting go of his hand only to wipe at his nose or an eye if Wolf had told all about his bloody escapades and masochism.
"Nah. He just referenced a bunch of 'incidents' and didn't go into detail. He mostly told me about how he was treated like a slave by some chick that had arms for days. I felt really sorry for him."
"As did I." Raiden hid his guilty relief well. "He can be dangerous when he has to be but deep down I think Wolf would be happy to never fight again."
"That kid George said you saved him too but he really didn't have a chance to go into it. Even Boris told me you helped a lot of the people working here." John tugged at the hem of his sweatpants with the hand not holding Raiden's.
"Why so surprised? You knew I worked for a private security company. Saving and protecting people is what I do. Did." Raiden tried not to let his bitterness bleed through too much on that last word. He chose not to look too closely at his hypocrisy at this moment.
"I guess I didn't know what all that meant. I dunno. I suppose I was thinking more of mall security and less Rambo."
This managed to get an honest laugh out of Raiden. The thought of his extremely expensive upgrades and maintenance costs being utilized only to guard a food court was overkill to the point of ludicrousness.
"So is that what happened?" John asked carefully. "You were trying to help someone and the bad guys caught you?" The amusement and previous lightheartedness of the conversation bled away quickly. Raiden had almost forgotten that he was stuck down here in the Maverick labs with a malfunctioning BMI and a broken family. John picked up on the mood shift and backpedaled immediately.
"Dad I'm sorry. I didn't mean...I shouldn't have said…" The boy released his hand and winced, no doubt kicking himself severely within for barreling headfirst into the elephant into the room and prodding at the sore subject. "I'm sorry. Forget I said anything." John looked away, cringing.
"It was something like that." Raiden said after a long moment. "I was hunting down some individuals that were part of an organization involved in child trafficking and organ harvesting." John looked back toward him, mouth dropped open in horror. "It was actually the same people Wolf and I were fighting against. The ones that got away the first time around. That group were also the ones that had tried to take George. That's where he knows me from."
"So that's what happened to him." Raiden looked away in discomfort but did not correct John. This was the main reason that he had wanted to keep his work and home life separate. There was so much about him that he did not want the boy to know. With all that he was dealing with right now, Raiden didn't know if he could handle that disaster if John stumbled across the truth. The boy was oblivious to his fathers turmoil and continued on.
"I was curious about what happened to him but 'how did you lose most of you' isn't exactly something you ask someone."
"No it is not. It can be a rather sensitive subject. Better to wait for people to tell you if they wish rather than to pry." It was a weighty statement and they both knew it. John had asked him years ago how he had become a cyborg. He had told the boy that it was a story for when he was older. His seriousness must have scared the child off because John had yet to ask him again after that.
"Since they caught you, I suppose the bad guys got away…" John was back to fidgeting with his clothes with a vengeance. Raiden dearly missed the contact but did not feel worthy of it in that moment.
"Yes. I doubt they can be found after all of this time. Its been a very long time…" Raiden trailed off before the pain could show through in his voice. He closed his eyes tightly as the reminder of the years ripped away from him began to ache. John did not reply and Raiden did not trust himself to speak at the moment.
The silence was only broken by his deep inhale as Wolf urged him to cling to life. That small sound seemed to be the slight nudge needed to move everything forth. A weak sniffle was followed soon after by a muffled sob. Raiden immediately opened his eyes and turned to his boy. John had his face buried in his oversized sleeves, trying his best not to cry loudly and disturb his father. The man weakly reached out for him.
"John..."
"Dad I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." The words were muffled by the fabric. With more effort than should have required, Raiden managed to scoot over enough gently take hold of the boys wrist and pull it away from his face.
"Son, you have absolutely nothing to be sorry for." John let his hand be pulled away. He just hid more thoroughly with the other one.
"Yes I do. Dad. I do. I should have never have said what I did. You were saving people and got hurt hunting down bad guys and all I did was selfishly hate you for leaving me alone."
"John..."
"You were gone. For so long you were gone. That year or so you were doing those traveling jobs sucked. You got to come home even less, but you still called us all the time. But I hated it. I missed you. It felt like you were leaving us. That we were less important. Then you stopped calling and coming home all together and that just kind of proved it to me. You left us and wasn't coming back. I didn't know you were stopping those kind of people. I wish I had known. You were out trying to save people and all I could think of was myself and what I wanted. You've been hurt and alone all of this time and all I've been is stupid and selfish…"
"Stop." Raiden ineffectively tried to pull John to him. "Son, stop." John stopped his self flagellation and instead bit at his sleeve, eyes tightly squeezed shut. "It's not selfish and you are not stupid. Don't you dare apologize for feeling what you felt. You were right to hate me."
"But…"
"It's my fault. I should have been more careful." Raiden sank back down into the bed, unable to exert the will to hold himself up any longer. He paid no heed to the tremors running through the stressed limbs. "I blame myself. For both getting caught and leaving in the first place. I should have been more careful. I shouldn't have tried to hunt those people down alone."
It had been because of his nature. It was his battle lusting, blood soaked nature that led him to systematically hunt down and slaughter everyone that had been involved in that program. His true self had come out for the first time in decades and there was no way he could take that demon home before exorcising it first. That and the not insignificant fact that he had enjoyed it. He had been made to pay for his sins but he was not the only person hurting for it. For that Raiden truly hated himself more than ever in that moment.
"It was selfish of me. My actions hurt you and your mother. Don't apologize for what you feel. You're right to hate me. I deserve it."
"No Dad." John made as if he wanted to hug the man in protest to the deceleration of deserved hate. The boy had only managed to rise from his chair before withdrawing his arms, remembering the warnings not to overwhelm. Instead he sat back down and leaned forward burying his face in his arms at the edge of the bed.
Raiden desperately wished that Rose was here. She would know the right words to say to sooth the teen. She made reassuring and comforting look effortlessly easy. It was never empty platitudes either, the woman was truly earnest in her care. He took a page out of his wife's book and spoke as sincerely as he could from the bottom of his marred heart.
"Well...they say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I may have been doing it for the right reasons but it was no excuse to put the both of you through that. All the blame here is mine and mine alone." A hand weakly rose up and rested lightly on a thin shoulder. "What's done is done. I can't change it, but I can sure as hell make sure it never happens again and do everything in my power to make it up to you. No matter what I have to do or how long it takes. I promise you son."
"I promise too." John raised his head, locking red rimmed eyes with him. "I shouldn't have thought that you were never coming back, that you abandoned us. Saving people is what superheros do but sometimes things go wrong. I shouldn't have given up so soon. I'm so sorry Dad. I promise never to give up on you again."
"It's a deal." John gave him a watery smile which Raiden softly returned. "When we get back home we can work on not letting each other down some more. That is, if I'm even allowed back home. Your mother is probably going to kill me."
"Yeah…" Raiden most certainly did not miss the way John drew back avoiding his gaze. If the man still had a stomach, it would be twisting uncomfortably at that avoidant syllable.
"How has she been? And where is she? I've not seen her around." Raiden as lightly as he could, trying not to let the dark undercurrent of dread bleed through in his voice. John plucked at the sheet covering the mattress and did not look up
"I don't know where she is. Nobody knows. She was working late the night the guy with the ponytail and scars on his face picked me up. I found out after I was dropped off here at Maverick that they couldn't find her. Boris says that they are still looking. He um...he told me that the people that took you were after us too."
The news was like being submerged in ice water. Breath stealing shock and a painful numbness that leeched the life from you. He willed a numbed hand up to cover his mouth and stared off into the distance. No wonder no one everyone had been reluctant to speak of Rose to him. Raiden did not care that he was soon being prompted to breathe. The man's mind was too far elsewhere to worry about such things.
It was one thing that he had been captured and made to suffer, it was another that his family was targeted too. Had they taken her? Had she got away? Was she even still alive or had she been killed as a sacrifice to his sins?
"I haven't talked to them in a few days. Boris, Courtney, and Kevin I mean." John piped up again hesitantly. "They had been working on some mission or another. They could have been looking for her. The even could have already found her. It could be good news but they might not have wanted to bother you until you were...you know," John motioned vaguely at his head then down to the rest of him. "...fixed."
"I need to talk to Boris." Raiden said in a tone that allowed for no argument. He struggled, hell bent on getting himself to move, the excess stimuli be damned. With John watching anxiously, Raiden managed to sit up and to get one foot danging off of the bed but he knew that there would be no way he could walk like this.
"You probably shouldn't…" John fretted, looking torn between wanting to help him up and to make him lay back down.
"Dammit." Raiden growled savagely at himself and his condition. At the cessation of trying to rise, he helplessly returned to laying on his back to stare up at the ceiling.
"I can go get him!" John hopped to his feet, sending the chair scooting back with a screech that had Raiden recoiling. John cringed at his mistake and much more quietly this time spoke. "Just...just stay there. Ok? I'll get him or get someone else to get him." John began to trot for the door but halted when his father called out to him.
"Wait." John turned back to face him. "How...how has she been?" Raiden was growing increasingly alarmed by the fact that John would not meet his eyes.
"Uh...good. Shes been good. We can talk more about it later though. Gotta see if they found her." To Raiden's distress, the boy slipped out the same door that Wolf had left from, leaving that non-answer hanging bitterly in the air. The man wanted to call for John to come back, to explain everything, but the boy was already long gone.
"Christ…" Raiden managed to choke out. He screwed his eyes shut as tightly as they would go. He couldn't cry, he couldn't rage and break something. All he could was to impotently wait while the others around him took care of him as well as his fuck ups. He had left Maverick and home to prevent others being dragged down by his crusade. How did it end up like this? What had he done?
"Dad?" John's soft voice from the other side of the room pulled Raiden out of his rapid mental decent. He opened his eyes and looked at his son lingering in the doorway. "I'm glad you're back. I've really missed you. I love you."
"I love you too son." Raiden managed to get out, hardly louder than a whisper.
The teen disappeared and Raiden was left all alone in the dark corner of the recovery room to drown in regret and his self loathing.
.
Authors Notes:
Chapter thirteen already, wow. It feels like its both taken no time at all and forever to reach the threshold of 100,000 words. I think this one is going to turn out bigger than I expected it to be. We are not even a fourth of the way through the story. I hope all my readers like the longer stories. I know I'm a sucker for the mega-fictions. I never expected to find myself writing one though. I hope I can do it justice and entertain everyone that will stick with me through it all.
Head cannon: Wolf is low-key meme trash. Also his assignment was keeping an inquisitive Sam well away from the labs.