Two Men in Straw Hats

They sat in silence for a few minutes, the audible yet muffled voices of their pack just behind them, and Q was almost halfway through his cigarette before Jake finally spoke up.

"It terrified me" he whispered, "seeing you like that".

He turned to look at the dark-skinned man, but Jake firmly kept his gaze straight ahead, staring out across the bustling city.

"I mean, I always knew you were an omega, and that never bothered me, you know it doesn't, but… It sounds stupid, but until that moment, until I saw you standing there, half-dressed in that bathroom stall, it… it had never really occurred to me before what you being an omega means".

Q felt himself bristling but still tried to give the man the benefit of the doubt.

"If this is about my competency as Quartermaster, then-"

What? Oya! No!" he exclaimed, head snapping around to stare at him in shock, "This is- I didn't mean- You're not- I- I just meant-"

"Jake".

He closed his eyes and took a long, admittedly rather impressive drag of his cigarette and blew out the smoke before opening them again.

"... This isn't about your competency" he said quietly, "I know you're competent, mukundwa, and I know that you're the best damn Quartermaster MI6 has ever had! You're literally the smartest person I've ever met - I never doubted your intelligence or your- your skills for a moment! This isn't about that, I swear!"

"Then what is it about?"

"... You could have been killed". He gave a somewhat broken laugh. "Or worse. But until that moment… I don't know. It just… It just never really registered with me just how vulnerable you are".

He immediately held up a hand as Q tried to interrupt.

"I already said that this isn't about your competency, mukundwa, and I meant it. I don't mean vulnerable as in- as in you can't protect yourself. Of course you can! I mean, look how we first met! You broke two of my knuckles and had me sleeping on my left side only for three bloody weeks! And that was before Milli and Duncan trained you nearly every day for the past three months! Quite frankly, Q, you could probably take one of us on, on a bad day, and even win!"

He automatically preened at the compliment but refused to allow himself to be distracted from the matter at hand.

"Then what did you mean?"

"I mean… you're an omega, and- and I have no issue with that, and I'm not even remotely stupid enough to think that- that that makes you less of a person or a threat, but… but not everyone sees you that way. Some people, like that- that punda who attacked you, automatically see you as weak, as- as vulnerable, just because you are an omega".

He dragged from the last of his cigarette and then carefully balanced it on the metal window ledge next to him.

"... Your position in MI6 already puts you in danger, but it's only now that I realise that it isn't the only thing that does. I know that you're competent, mukundwa, and - honestly? I pity the mjinga that does consider you an easy target because I know for certain that it won't take you long to make them regret that… but that doesn't mean that I like the fact you will eventually be put in that position to begin with".

Q took a deep breath and slowly released it, the menthol long since forgotten in his hands.

Jake wasn't wrong - him being the first omegian Quartermaster would certainly do MI6 no favours once it inevitably got out, and he wasn't foolish enough to think that M hiring him hadn't been a strategically bad move on her part - if they were only considering his dynamic, that was.

But like Jake had said - he was competent. He was clever, dangerously so, and had dabbled in enough areas of research that he could work in both sections of TSS easily; Research and Development, because he had an analytical yet curious mind, and Support Operations, because he wasn't afraid to tell the double-0s or their more bolshy alpha field agents to cop themselves the fuck on.

He knew that he was bound to be targeted at least once, and he knew that he'd be lucky to get out of it even somewhat unharmed… but he also knew that could be a feisty little bitch when he had to be, and he sure as hell planned to go down swinging.

"Thank you" he said, belatedly, "For your concern. For caring about me. But I knew what I was getting into the very second I signed the dotted line that made me Quartermaster - I mean, omega or not, I'm still quite the catch".

Jake snorted, more so in shock than amusement, before throwing his arm around the younger man's shoulders and pulling him close.

"We'll always have your back, mukundwa, so there won't be any kidnapping attempts on our watch. Just… try not to get too pissed off when we refuse to let you out of our sight for the foreseeable future, yeah?"

"Provided that it's a short one" he countered, turning his face to breathe in the faint scent of mint and something sweet, "... Is that why Duncan is acting so strange? Because he sees me as- as- I don't know, as some sort of liability now?"

"No". There was no room for doubt in his voice. "This has absolutely nothing to do with that, mukundwa, I promise you. This is… This is about something else".

Q shifted so that he could look at the man directly. "Something else?"

"Something… personal" he replied, haltingly, "It really isn't my place to say anything, so just… just know that this has nothing to do with you or your dynamic. When he… saw you there, it just… it's just personal, alright? Something that he's trying to work through himself".

Personal?

Q frowned as he tried to decipher the possible hidden meanings behind the alpha's words. It was obvious that Jake didn't want to betray Duncan's trust by telling him everything - and the Quartermaster had absolutely no intention of asking him to do so either - but he also knew that there was no way he could help if he didn't know what the problem was.

It couldn't be the whole no-body-left-to-bury aspect. 003 was one of their longer-lasting agents and he had most definitely killed before. In fact, he'd killed so many people that Q was all but convinced that he had a higher body count than even James bloody Bond. He most definitely absolutely certainly did if he took that trafficking ring into account because-

Oh.

Oh.

Q jerked up, displacing Jake's arm around him as he sat ramrod straight on the window ledge.

The trafficking ring.

003 - Duncan, he mentally corrected, considering that this had happened before he even was 003 - had murdered an entire fucking crime syndicate after they had kidnapped his sister and sold her to sex traffickers to-

His omegian sister.

And then he'd walked in on Q who had almost been-

"You're alive then?"

"Looks like it".

Oh fuck.

"I have to go" he suddenly announced, the itch beneath his skin long since forgotten beneath the pounding of his heart and oh christ, Duncan, why didn't you fucking tell me-

"Wait, what?!"

Startled, Jake spun around in his seat and almost lost his balance, catching himself at the last minute against the window ledge.

"I know! I know about- about his personal- personal whatever!" he stumbled, cautious about any other eavesdropping double-0, "I have to fix this!"

Jake caught his arm as he turned to leave.

"Q, this isn't something that… that you can fix" he said, almost apologetically, "If you really do know, then you should also know that you can't make this good again".

"I-" He stopped as he finally got his feet back under him. "I know... But I can at least make it a little bit less bad".

After studying him carefully for another minute, Jake nodded and released him with a smile.

Q wasted no time in returning to the main living room area, before skidding to an abrupt stop as everyone turned to stare at him because how the fuck was he meant to get their idiot resident psychopath away from the main group without blurting out the man's secrets?!

"You, uh… You alright there, pup?"

"Yeah! Yes. Of course! Why wouldn't I be?"

"You're looking a little bit, uh…"

"Guilty" Edie finished, narrowing her eyes at him, "What have you been doing?"

"Nothing!"

Alexis, sitting on the side of the couch closest to him, leaned across the armrest and sniffed.

"... Wait, hang on- Is that- Have you been smoking?!"

Alec flashed her a grin.

"Oh yeah, he does that now!"

"Really?!"

She looked absolutely fucking delighted.

"Then I must applaud your efforts, Trevelyan! Even I don't think that I could have corrupted him that fast!"

Q rolled his eyes and scowled at the both of them.

"Uh, first of all, for your fucking information, 001, I've been smoking since I was fourteen. Second of all-" He pointed at Duncan, who was watching silently from his armchair. "You. With me. Now".

The man raised an incredibly unimpressed eyebrow and Q suddenly remembered just who - and what - he was talking to.

"... Please?"

"Why?"

"Because… I asked you to?"

"Try again".

Saif suddenly straightened in his seat. "Wait a minute, where's Williams?"

"Oh боже!" Charlie swore, "You didn't push him off the ledge, did you?"

Milli frowned at him. "Why would our Quartermaster wish to commit first-degree murder against his fifth most successful agent?"

"I don't know! It was just a-"

"Hang on a minute" Edie interrupted, "Fifth most successful?! Who's first?"

"Well, me, obviously".

"In your dreams, Bond!"

"Why? Do I feature in yours?"

"It's a simple statistical calculation-"

"-anyone wondering about Jake-"

"-no reason to and not at all his style-"

"-property damage?! I'll show you property-"

"-doesn't count! How was I meant to know that-"

"-if you actually read your mission briefings then-"

"-wait, I have an inbox? Like, for real? Why didn't anyone-"

Q stared at the lot of them in disbelief, wondering for the umpteenth time if he'd made a horrible, terrible, really bad mistake when he'd agreed to become Quartermaster. He wondered, distantly, if M - their M - was rolling in her grave with laughter at his expense.

"Enough!" he finally yelled, his head pounding from the overlapping cacophony of voices, "Would you please, for once in your lives, shut up!"

"... Ouch".

"005, I swear to god-"

Saif quickly closed his mouth and mimed zippering it shut and locking it, before handing the imaginary key to James, who very seriously placed it in his jeans pocket out of reach.

Fucking idiots, the lot of them!

… But at least they were his idiots.

Turning back to Duncan - the only one who hadn't gotten involved in their squabbling - he very firmly made eye contact and gave the man his best Quartermaster look.

"003, if you have a moment, there is something I wish to discuss with you, in private".

They all stared at him.

"... You didn't really shove Jake out the fucking window, did you?"

Edie snorted, and the bubble burst; all the tension draining from the room as they laughed and playfully shoved at one another, and Q couldn't fight back his own smile at the sight of his pack, in front of him, all safe and happy.

Or, at least, eight of them, anyway.

"No, Duncan, I did not push Jake out of the fucking window! But even if I had, what good would it do him to get you involved?" he asked incredulously, "We're at least fifteen stories up! I don't think any level of first aid skills is going to help him in that situation".

"I don't know". He shrugged. "Could've helped you bury the fucking body, I guess".

Their resident psychopath, indeed.

"Yes, well, there's no need for- for any of that!" he replied quickly, "Uh, Jake is fine, he's just smoking".

"So why do you want to talk to me?"

"Do I need a reason?"

"Yes".

Christ, he was making this so much more difficult than it had to be.

"I… need… your, uh… first aid skills!" he eventually blurted, which, evidently, had been the wrong thing to say.

"You what?!"

"What happened?!"

"Are you hurt?!"

"How did you get hurt?!"

"Who hurt you?"

"Where was Jake during this?!"

"How was-"

"I'm fine!" he said loudly, interrupting their fretting, "Honestly, you stupid bloody knotheads, calm down, I'm fine!"

"If you were fine then you wouldn't fucking need a first aid kit, now would you?"

"I… scratched my arm. Arms. Arms, plural" he explained, not entirely lying, "But I can't bandage them myself because I need two hands for that so I'm asking you to please let me borrow your hands, okay?"

"Well if it's that simple, then surely any of us could help, right?" Edie asked, making Q want to kiss her for her kindness but also kick her for her blindness.

Desperately racking his brain for a solution - and all the while lamenting over how easy this entire bloody situation should have been - he finally remembered that time when James bloody Bond had accepted him as one of theirs and, more importantly, he remembered just how he'd realised that only James bloody Bond could understand French.

Not that it would do him much good right now, given that he couldn't speak to the man without everyone else overhearing too - and then immediately realising that something was up - but it did, however, give him an idea.

"Well, actually, I was… uh, hoping for someone with… you know, uh... actual first aid experience".

As predicted, that little remark set everyone off - everyone, that is, except for James and Alec, both of whom were far too realistic not to immediately know that they would lose this battle.

Staring intently at the blond until he caught his eye, he only mouthed the words, not wanting to risk speaking them loud enough to be heard across the room and, consequently, heard by everyone in between them too.

Les distraire pour moi.

James frowned and tilted his head to the side, looking so much like a very confused puppy that it took everything in Q not to grin as he mouthed the words again.

Distract them for me.

The man looked away, briefly, glancing over at the rest of the pack who were still bickering amongst themselves, before his gaze landed on Duncan, who was very noticeably even quieter than usual. Realisation lit up his impossibly blue eyes, and he turned back to Q with a subtle nod and silent words of his own.

Dis moi plus tard?

Q couldn't help but smile as he nodded, once - as if he could keep anything from this man. Not now, not after James bloody Bond literally ripped out his attacker's throat, not after James bloody Bond cared for and protected him during a drop without expecting anything in return, not after he'd been in James bloody Bond's bed, in his arms, in his heart-

"I think we all know who the real winner is here" James announced loudly, cutting off whatever rant Edie was on about North Korea and paperclips, "So how about instead of fighting amongst ourselves, we actually let the pup get the medical attention he needs, hm?"

There was a beat of somewhat guilty silence, before they all turned, as one, to face Duncan. He stared back at them impassively for a moment, before letting out a heavy sigh and standing up.

"Alright, fine! Come on before I change my fucking mind".

Leading the way to the bathroom, Q quickly glanced over his shoulder at James once more and silently mouthed merci beaucoup.

The man smirked and gave him a roughish wink that had absolutely no fucking right to set his heart racing as much as it did.

As soon as the bathroom door shut behind them, Q spun around, determined not to give his favourite idiot any time to come up with an excuse, and promptly face-planted his chest.

The Quartermaster wasn't a short man, not by any means - in fact, he was rather well above average height for omegas - but when placed next to Duncan fucking Fortier he was, objectively, tiny.

It was somewhat embarrassing to realise that he couldn't wrap both arms around the man's entire torso, when the man in question could probably wrap his arms around Q twice.

"... What are you fucking doing?"

"Hugging you".

"... Why?"

"Because you need it".

"... Seriously?"

"Seriously".

There was a beat of silence, and then another, and then one more, before Duncan's entire body seemed to cave in around him, and Q suddenly found himself wrapped up full-bodily in the man's strong arms even as the alpha lowered them both to the floor in an only somewhat controlled descent.

Straddling his lap like this would be considered more than a slightly compromising position should anyone walk in on them, but given that Duncan had thrown his entire weight back against the closed door, Q doubted that that would happen.

He tightened his grip around the alpha's waist, buried his face against his neck to breathe in his calming scent - and felt the man do the same with him - and settled himself in for the long haul.

He didn't know how much time had passed before Duncan finally spoke, but it was long enough for his knees to go numb against the cold bathroom tiles below.

"You look like her".

His voice was low, rough, barely above a whisper.

"Not- Not a lot. Not enough to- to ever be mistaken for a fucking brother of mine, or something, but… enough".

Q wanted to make some sort of smartass quip about Duncan having the audacity to call him feminine looking, but he knew that that wasn't what the man meant, and he also knew that was most definitely not the right time to be making jokes.

If his sister had looked anything like Duncan himself, then he could see it - see the resemblance. They both had dark hair, after all, and a similar nose shape, and an even more similar jawline. The alpha was short, too, taller than your typical English man, but the shortest out of all of the double-0s after Alexis, so Q was likely similar in height to his sister, if she'd taken after him in that regard as well. Admittedly, Duncan's eyes were grey, but it wasn't all that uncommon for two blue-eyed parents to produce the odd grey-eyed child or two, so if his sister had the same eye colour as Q rather than as her brother, then-

Yeah.

Q could see it.

"You look like her and- and when I saw you, standing there, in that bathroom stall, I just-"

He cut himself with a ragged breath, and the omega was somewhat startled to feel a drop of water land on his neck.

"... I thought I'd lost you. I thought I'd lost you the same way that I'd lost her and- and that I was too late, again, to save one of the very few people that I actually fucking love".

Q felt his heart shatter.

"You weren't too late" he whispered, tasting salt on his lips as his own eyes overflowed, "You got there in time, Duncan, you saved me! I'm here, and I'm safe, and- and I'm perfectly fine! You didn't lose me, you'll never lose me!"

"... You can't make that sort of promise, brat, not in our line of work".

"Maybe" he admitted, "But I can sure as hell try. Just like you can try to come home alive after every mission".

"Try telling that to Mr Resurrection out there".

He snorted, remembering how Jake had once casually told him that James died "at least once a year".

"Well, at least he's good enough to send us a text whenever he disappears off the face of the planet - unlike some people I could mention".

"Hey! I brought you Jake back from Spain! Surely that's better than any fucking text message!"

Q smiled against his neck.

"Yeah, alright, you win".

Duncan took a deep, slightly shaky breath and his hold around the omega briefly tightened.

"... Let's never fucking do that again, okay?"

"Okay" he easily agreed, "Although, if it makes you feel any better, that really was a once-off. I… never let my guard down like that, but… well, a whole bunch of things had happened that day and I was… distracted when that asshole cornered me like that".

"Not distracted enough to bite him, apparently". He could feel the alpha's smirk against his skin. "Seriously, brat, it looked as though a rabid fucking dog had attacked his hand".

"Uh, like you didn't immediately do much worse!"

"Of course I fucking did! He hurt you! The only fucking regret that I have is that I didn't get to kill the bastard myself - that knight in shining armour of yours is a real pain in the ass".

"Believe me, 003, you are far more like a knight in shining armour than James bloody Bond will ever be. If anything, he's more like the hot-tempered dragon - all fire and no bite".

"He had bite enough to rip that bastardo's throat out! And right when I was about to go in for the kill, too".

Q felt his insides warm at the reminder and he very firmly clamped down on that feeling because getting emotional in a good way at the thought of someone murdering a man for him was most certainly not something that he should be encouraging.

"Well, look at it this way" he tried to reason, "You got to beat the absolute hell out of him - James only got to finish it. Which of those would have made you more satisfied?"

"... Yeah, alright, beating him up felt a lot fucking better, but still!" he snapped, "I would've liked to have done a lot fucking more to the prick before putting him out of his misery".

That warm fuzzy feeling was back again, and Q distantly wondered if he was just a lost cause at this stage. How the double-0s showed their affection wasn't exactly healthy, after all, but they still were, in fact, simply showing him affection.

"You know, you're not half as psychopathic as you like to make others believe".

"I'm the one who labelled me as a fucking psychopath in the first place - You can thank Fitzroy for that".

"Oh yeah? So what do psych call you?"

Duncan sighed, sounding somewhat exasperated.

"The psychology department thinks that there isn't a label for what we are yet. No nice little fucking box to put us into… It's the same thing they think about you, I'd imagine".

"Hmm. Psych and I don't exactly, uh… get along".

"What about your quarterly mandatory evaluations?"

Q pulled back and looked up at him innocently.

"What quarterly mandatory evaluations?"

Duncan maintained eye contact for all of thirty seconds before snorting and looking away again.

"Alright, out with it, brat. Just how the fucking hell did you manage to pull that off?"

"Not telling".

"Brat".

"Nope".

"Q".

"Not a chance".

"Not even if I bribe Jake to smuggle you an entire fucking packet of his menthol cigarettes?"

He paused.

"... I'll think about it".

Duncan snorted again before pulling away completely, letting his hands loosen and fall naturally to the omega's waist.

"Alright, well, while you fucking think about it, I can look at those scratches on your arms. I better do some sort of first aid unless we want the rest of those idiots asking inappropriate fucking questions".

"Oh, I don't know" Q replied easily, stiffly standing up, "I think James has already told them that we're in here hooking up".

The man paused and gave him such a horrified look that he couldn't help but burst into laughter.

"Don't worry, 003, I am well aware of your preference for tall, dark, and handsome".

To his credit, Duncan didn't so much as blush.

"As opposed to tall, blond, and handsome?"

Q, on the other hand, very much did.

"I'm telling James and Alec that you think they're hot".

"You're not denying it".

"Neither are you".

The alpha scoffed and rolled his eyes at him, and Q decided to take that as a win.

"Come on, you absolute brat, take a seat while I find this fucking first aid kit".

The omega happily did as told, perching on the edge of the bathtub as Duncan pulled out a worryingly large red box from underneath the sink. Rooting around inside of it and pulling out antiseptic wipes and rolls of bandages, the man carefully kept his gaze in front of him as he spoke.

"Hey, uh, brat?"

"Yeah?"

"... Thanks".

"Of course". Q smiled, briefly catching the man's still slightly-watery eyes in the reflection of the bathroom mirror. "Anytime".