The Burden of Dragons

Hello everyone and welcome to the latest chapter of I'm Too Sober For This! Got a bit of drama happening in the household this chapter that you just might enjoy, and if not that then maybe you'll enjoy today's visitor to the Emiya household. Either way it's a fun time. Of course, I should also mention my Pat reon page. Just type up the website and put 'maskedspider' at the end. If you like what I do then feel free to become a patron or leave a donation and you'll get access to news, drafts, messages, etc. depending on your tier. Now then I've rambled on long enough and with no guest review questions this week let's get to the story!

The Renovated Home of Emiya Shirou

A good night's sleep. That was one thing I could always count on to be rather peaceful once I finally got it as rare as it was.

Thankfully, Asia wore herself out trying to chase down Issei and Kiba, and the two boys were pretty exhausted themselves, at least mentally. It meant things were actually pretty quiet once Sona, Rias and the rest of her Peerage left. Gasper was engrossed with the new manga he'd received and Shirone seemed satisfied enough with her serving of food to head off to sleep without any complaints.

This meant for the first time in a while I actually got to sleep at a reasonable hour. Sure, I was still feeling a bit hungover as my eyes slowly opened, but at least I was rested. "I wonder if I'll be lucky enough to sleep in a little?" I thought aloud.

"Go right ahead," cooed a very familiar and very mischievous-sounding voice. "I certainly won't mind you hanging out a bit longer." I felt my body freeze as my eyes slowly moved down to take in the uninvited guest in my bed: Serafall—in her night clothes!

"S-S-Seraf—guh," my sentence was cut off before I could even get it out thanks to my King pressing her magic wand of all things to my mouth.

"Shhh, just enjoy the moment." She urged while invading my personal space. Then again, she owned me, so I guess I didn't have any, as far as she was concerned. "With everything going on, I haven't gotten a moment alone with my Shi-chan in a while."

"Please tell me you didn't come all this way just to spoon me." I grumbled, pushing the wand out of my face.

"And what would be wrong with that?" She asked in mock offense while nuzzling her face into my shoulder. "I get so cold in bed all by myself some nights, you know."

"You are the literal strongest wielder of ice in the Underworld." I pointed out. "You could literally make a cold day in hell. Does the concept of 'cold' even register with you these days?"

"It registers with me," came a muffled voice from under the covers, getting a confused look from both me and Serafall. Lifting up the covers I found, to my possible surprise, Shirone, with her cat ears and tail out, and her pajamas on. "Nya, don't you know cats love warm places?"

"Now, what are you doing sleeping with my Shi-chan?!" Serafall exclaimed.

"Evil dragon girl is still around." Shirone muttered softly. "It's safe to be with Shirou. And it's breakfast time."

"You spent forever clinging to his back yesterday." The Maou growled while working to pull the cat girl off of me. "So get lost, kitty. This is the only time I'll be getting with my Shi-chan right now and you're not invited!"

"Sera please—gah!" My protests were quickly silenced by my King's, thankfully, bare foot pressing into my face as she tried to get proper leverage to break Shirone's surprisingly strong grip.

Fortunately for me and the bedsheets, she had the mind to not use her claws to stay in place.

"My lord!" Came the now very unwelcome sound of Xenovia's voice as the door to my room was flung open. "Fear not, I shall aid you!"

"Wait Xenovia, no…" I managed to get out. But it was too late by that point.

A Few Minutes Later: The Dining Room

Expectedly, my Knight's attempted intervention did more harm than good and nearly tore up my room before I was able to calm things down. Thankfully, my Pawns were willing to clean up the mess while I prepared breakfast, restoring some semblance of order as Shirone was now happily eating alongside Xenovia whose head was currently down in mild embarrassment.

"Don't look so down." Serafall soothed. "I'm actually happy to know my Shi-chan chose such a loyal Knight."

"But still, I must beg your forgiveness, Lady Serafall." Xenovia urged. "Had I known my lord was with his mistress, I—"

"Could you please not phrase it that way?" I almost pleaded, my cheeks turning a little red. "The two of them snuck into my bed without permission."

"Been there." Issei commented in between bites of food. "And I imagine Serafall's got a good reason to be here."

"I told you I was here to see my Shi-chan!" The Maou chirped happily while holding onto my left arm. She'd already offered to do that romantic spoon-feeding thing which I'd declined immediately. Still, eating with one hand was getting to be a bit challenging. Fortunately, Issei's intervention solved that.

"I know how 'busy' you Maous are supposed to be." He pointed out, clearly not sold on her explanation. "You almost never show up to places like this for a casual visit. You need plausible deniability and paperwork in case someone annoying looks for a conspiracy or whatever and starts asking questions five weeks from now. So what are you really here for?"

"You make it sound like I'm not allowed to even go to the bathroom without a cover." Serafall responded with a frown before sighing, and finally letting go of my arm. "But yes, I have come here with some news. We've managed to determine that no other anomalies like your teleportation to this world have occurred, at least so far. So there shouldn't be any further additional Issei Hyoudou's walking around. I'm certain we're not the only ones grateful for that."

"Yeah." Shirone and Issei both concurred in a monotone voice simultaneously before glancing at each other and shrugging.

"And given that you haven't been teleported by me, anyone else in or outside my family, it seems that Sona is indeed the only one capable of summoning or sending you away." Serafall continued. "Which unfortunately means I have to let Ajuka take a look at my dear little So-tan."

"I'd ask why you didn't do that from the start but I already know how you are with your sister." Issei relented, knowing a lost argument when he saw one. "Any idea how much longer it's gonna take to get me back?"

"That's a question Ajuka could answer better than me." The Maou admitted. "But he seems confident that he's close to a breakthrough. I'd like to think it won't take much longer, so do you think you can be patient until then?"

"Not like I have a lot of options otherwise." Issei responded with a helpless shrug. "Just gotta find ways to keep myself busy until then and stay out of everyone's hair."

"Since you're taking Sona back to the Underworld with you," I noted, "Is there even a point to me being stationed here?"

"Obviously, her return to the Underworld is only temporary. So you'll still technically be stationed here upon her return. But that was the other reason I've come up here: you're going to be summoned to the Underworld soon to take part in the Rating Games." Serafall's eyes were practically twinkling like stars.

"I'm what?!" I nearly stood up out of my seat. "But, Sera, the Khaos Brigade is moving soon! We don't have time—!"

"It's because the Khaos Brigade might be moving soon." She cut me off. "Believe me, I'm not one hundred percent on board with the idea myself, but the people of the Underworld are restless right now. We need something that'll bring everyone together and assure them that things aren't as dire as they want to believe. The resumption of the Rating Games was what we came up with. It's familiar, it's exciting, and most importantly it's hard to imagine there's anything wrong when one's cheering their head off in a big stadium."

"Ah, the typical publicity stunt." Issei surmised. "It's not a solution, but at least it'll delay things from getting worse as far as the public's concerned. Classic."

"You want a simple and easy solution? Let us kill you and present your corpse in front of the whole Underworld." Serafall countered with an all-too-friendly smile.

"You won't. Can't risk a second Ddraig being a part of the system here. No idea what that might do to the balance of this world, let alone God's System." Despite being slapped with the genuine threat of execution, the foreigner didn't seem to take it seriously in the slightest. Not because he didn't believe they were willing to kill him, or any form of inflated confidence, but because of the cold logic that they had a good reason not to.

The fact that he casually came to the same conclusions that Ajuka and the other Maous did when it came to the ramifications of killing him so easily put a nasty feeling in my stomach. He was clearly sharper and more aware of his situation than he acted, but something about his mindset seriously wasn't right. And it wasn't the porn.

"Remember, it was your inability to keep a lid on your issues that got the Rating Games canceled in the first place, and don't even think of blaming us for the accidental teleport. No one, not even you, knew that was going to happen, but you're the one who went and scared everyone senseless. So unless you want to die or have a better idea, the Rating Games are the best option we've come up with for the short term."

That managed to put the teen in his place if his twitching eyebrow was any indication.

"You make it sound like I was against the idea in the first place." The Sekiryuutei huffed while resting his head on his hand. "Fine, just explain why Emiya has to participate too. I recall being told he wasn't entered to begin with. Maou or not, it takes work and resources to push through last-minute entries in major events like that."

"More 'publicity' as you put it." Serafall answered reluctantly. I had a feeling she wanted to explain this part to me in private. "I don't know if you've been informed, but there's some tension between the Pure-Blooded and Reincarnated Devils. Many believe Reincarnated Devils to be weaker and less capable; second-class citizens, you might say."

"There's something similar back home too." I couldn't help but notice how forcefully neutral his reaction was. He was clearly more involved with the topic in his world in some way than he let on. "I get the picture: Shirou, being a Reincarnated Devil, is going to compete in order to prove that bullshit notion wrong and hopefully help bridge the gap between the two by smacking around everyone that gets in his way. Also focusing some of the opposition's ire onto him, which, while annoying, is also for the best since he can actually handle the pressure and free up some of the other allied parties involved that you support. Probably for Ajuka to maneuver around for maximum results and catch everyone unaware from behind the scenes. I get the feeling this wasn't your idea."

Huh. I admittedly didn't think about the other grassroots parties' involvement in the setup. Come to think of it, that probably was something Ajuka would do if that came to pass.

"Blame Sirzechs and that old bastard, Zekram Bael." The magical girl Maou huffed with her arms crossed. "It's not that I'm actually worried about my Shi-chan losing, but he's got enough on his plate watching out for my dear So-tan, her Peerage, his Peerage and occasionally Rias and her Peerage. That, of course, doesn't even include whatever antics you've been up to."

"Being an on-demand summon for your sister was not my idea and you know it. Plus, you should know by now that I've been trying to shut myself in whenever I'm not being warped anywhere to avoid said antics." Issei rolled his eyes, telling her what she already knew. "Are you here to take me back down as well? Ajuka needs more tests done?"

"No." Serafall answered simply. "As things are right now, you being here instead of the Underworld is probably for the best." She turned to me. "I simply came to let you know I'm taking So-tan and her Peerage to the Underworld with me and about your participation in the Rating Games. For now, you don't have to do anything differently except keeping a lookout for any trouble while trying not to cause any of your own. I'll be back to pick you all up in a couple days when the Rating Games start, so keep that extra comfy spot on your bed open for me, Shi-chan."

I would've commented on that, but Serafall spun around, generating sparkling energy from her wand as she did so before disappearing with the light of a magic circle beneath her feet.

"Wonderful, another headache." I grumbled while rubbing my head.

I needed to remember to tell Serafall that magical girl special effects and hangovers don't mix.

"I've always wondered what working for Serafall full-time would be like." Issei hummed thoughtfully. "Then again, the Serafall in my world never snuck into my bed…" A green light momentarily glowed from his left hand indicating his Ddraig said something to him. "That's a technicality and besides the point. Quiet you."

"No, she just teleported you whenever she was having a midlife crisis." I recalled for the both of us. "At this point, I'm not sure which would be worse. At least your boss, if you ever had one, didn't enter you into the Rating Games without telling you."

"Still beats being thrown into the Dimensional Gap without pants. The void chafes something fierce."

"What?"

"Speaking of Rating Games," the otherworlder shamelessly changed topics on a dime, "I haven't been fully introduced to the rest of your Peerage outside of your unstable Ninja Puppy. What's your lineup like?"

"Well to start, this is Xenovia Quarta." I introduced while indicating the aforementioned blue-haired girl. "My Knight, who also believes I'm King Arthur."

"I do not 'think' you are King Arthur, Lord Emiya, I 'know' you are King Arthur." She declared while moving and kneeling down in front of me. Her sword also rested next to her as natural as if it were an extension of her own body.

"You weren't kidding when you said she wouldn't budge on that." Issei hummed curiously before coming to a decision, "… Patsy. Yeah, that sounds about right."

I frowned in confusion. The name sounded oddly familiar to me in hindsight, but I couldn't remember where.

And then, he brought out a coconut that was split in half and handed it to her. "Until your King gets a horse, you might need to get him used to the sounds they make."

… No.

"Ah! Of course! How thoughtful! I should have started preparing my liege for his duties and kingly activities in the future! You have my thanks, foreign dragon." Worse, Xenovia didn't seem to see anything wrong with the gift.

Please, dear God, no.

"My pleasure. Now, what are your thoughts on autonomous collectives and self-regulating constitutional serfs?" How he managed to say that with a straight face was beyond me.

Nope. Nope. Nope. I'm stopping that right now before a whole different kind of disaster falls on the world. "Issei, stop before I shove you in a Trojan Rabbit and shoot you at the French. From here."

"Heh-heh-heh-heh." The teen laughed shamelessly while, thankfully, everyone else there just blinked in confusion.

I didn't know if Monty Python existed in this world myself, but I sure as hell wasn't going to look it up in front of any Devils. Or Fallen. Or normal Angels for that matter to be safe.

Clack. Clack.

I shivered and looked to see my Knight already "practicing" with the coconuts with a dedicated look in her eyes. I have to remember to steal those away from her later when she wasn't looking.

"Xenovia, we're still having a conversation. Can you please put those away?"

"Of course, my King."

The Sekiryuutei and I made eye contact. My revenge would be guaranteed. And it apparently was absolutely worth it as far as the other party was concerned.

"I will get you for this."

"Sounds like fun." Issei welcomed my wrath with open arms before turning to say something to my Knight, and noticing something else about her. "I… huh. That sword. Isn't that—?"

So he recognized my world's version of Clarent too, huh?

"A gift from his lordship." Xenovia stated in admiration while holding up the weapon. "He allowed me to roam his land of blades to find a weapon I felt suited me, and it was there I laid my eyes upon this sword."

"That sword you say." Issei repeated in a dazed tone as if trying to pick the right words to say to not cause an absolute disaster and still voice his thoughts on the matter. "Well, it certainly is a magnificent piece worthy of a Knight. No doubt you will strive to surpass its previous owner in both honor and combat, if it did have one."

I twitched, catching the double meaning of his compliment instantly. It was something that was hard to miss if you actually knew the history of the weapon.

"Indeed. This fine blade no doubt belonged to a Knight of outstanding merit and ability. I can feel it." Xenovia nodded, fortunately completely missing how the Sekiryuutei was behaving so differently, let alone breaking out in a cold sweat.

"I bet you will." He nodded and turned to me with wide and accusing eyes, speaking to me in the ever-universal silent language of men. 'SHE THINKS YOU'RE KING ARTHUR, YOU GAVE HER CLARENT, AND SHE DOESN'T KNOW?! THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING MAN?!'

"She's my Knight. She has set lofty goals for herself." I sheepishly shrugged and tried to laugh it off. 'What was I supposed to do? She wanted that sword.'

"I bet she will. Many of your blades are special after all. She will reach new heights when she masters the full potential of her's." Issei's eyebrow twitched. 'IT'S A NOBLE PHANTASM, YOU MORON! SHE NEEDS TO KNOW ITS NAME TO USE ITS FULL POWER! YOU CAN'T HIDE IT FROM HER FOREVER IF SHIT DOES GO DOWN EVENTUALLY! ESPECIALLY IF SHE DOES START TO BOND WITH IT!"

I flinched, knowing he had a point. It almost felt like I was being torn down by Rin for a moment there. But still, I held my ground. "She will, and I'll be sure to be there when she does it."

Issei snapped to me, opening and closing his mouth several times before relenting with sagging shoulders, and dropping his head in despair, "Well, I hope everything goes well. Just be careful. Legendary swords are pains to deal with at times. Divine or demonic." 'Fuck it. It's your problem, not mine. You deal with it on your own time.'

"I am well aware. My first holy blade was a difficult weapon to wield to put it mildly, and I was born with the disposition to do so." Xenovia, bless her noble heart, had fortunately taken his words at face value and missed the subtext entirely. "You have my thanks."

"And mine." I nodded. 'Thanks for not pushing it.'

"You're welcome." Issei waved us off casually as though it wasn't a big deal before grabbing some more food. 'Fuck you.'

The room became slightly awkward as everyone started getting second helpings.

"You let her wander around Unlimited Blade Works." Issei more stated than asked. "How long can you maintain that thing these days?"

"Since I don't have Gaia pushing back against me and a boost in magical power from the Queen piece Serafall gave me, I can technically maintain it for a few days." I explained. "It's just the mental strain of doing that for so long would get to me first so the longest I've held it was when Xenovia was searching for a sword that suited her. Believe me, I let her look at every sword I could think of at the time but she rejected them all until I let her loose in my Reality Marble."

"It was not that the swords you showed me weren't magnificent." My Knight proclaimed. "But this was the only sword I felt a similar attunement to as I did when I wielded Durandal."

"Durandal, as in the holy sword wielded by the Holy Roman Emperor, Roland Charlemagne?" Issei asked. "They let you use that thing? I thought that monster of a priest, Vasco Strada, still had it."

"I've heard of him." I added. "He's supposed to be one of the strongest members of the Church, right?"

"The guy's literally built like Berserker." Issei cringed, and for once I could not help but match his expression as the idea of Heracles in a priest's garb reciting passages from the Bible flickered in my head. No need to push that topic any further than it had to.

"I am a rare breed." Xenovia explained. "One who is born with the ability to wield holy swords. Durandal was bequeathed onto me as its next wielder."

"Those aren't the only good qualities you were born with." Issei couldn't help but comment.

"Indeed." My Knight agreed without hesitation while placing her hands on her breasts. "If my lord has no mistress, then I would gladly offer myself to him. I could think of no man more fitting to bear my child."

"NEW SUBJECT!" I declared immediately, derailing that particular topic before Issei could add his viciously detailed perspective on the matter and give my Knight any ideas. "Thank you for telling us about yourself, Xenovia. Please have a seat and let's talk about literally anything not related to my love life."

The one upside to having such a devoted Knight: there was practically no hesitation in me giving an order and her following it. She was practically back in her seat before I even finished telling her what I wanted.

"Maybe Rin was on to something when she said you had a certain charm about you." The otherworlder quipped.

"And there you have it." I almost sighed. "Moving on, it's past time I introduced you to my Pawns."

"You mean the Fallen Angel ninjas that have been sneaking around the place? I've heard about them, but so far I've only felt them watching me every now and then. Sounds like a rip-off of the Ninja Turtles if you ask me… wait, please tell me you at least have that in this universe."

"We would rather not be reminded of that incident." Ramiel, the leader of my Pawns, requested, having seemingly appeared kneeling on the floor along with Shax, Valec, and Xaphan. "Though we will accept the title of 'Nin-nin'." They all held up their thumb and middle fingers in the go-to ninja hand sign while Issei stared blankly at them for several moments.

"So they actually have a sense of humor or…?" Issei questioned while pointing.

"You got me." I shrugged. "All I know is they can keep a straight face even when saying the most random, outlandish things." I gestured to my Pawns. "Show him."

"Shit balls, ass monkey, dick waffle, bitch face." They all said in quick, and very monotone, succession. Issei simply blinked a few times before picking up his drink.

"Makes me wonder what it would take to make them crack." The Sekiryuutei mused.

"Serafall and Illya chased them around and put Ninja Turtle masks on all of them." I answered. "Even started calling them Ninja Turtle names."

That appeared to be the last straw as Issei did a spit-take before bursting out laughing.

"Oh shit, they actually did it." He wheezed. "They straight up put ninja masks on the teenage Fallen ninjas!"

"They called us that too." Ramiel mentioned. I could practically feel the embarrassed sweat drop coming off of him.

"Speaking of, where is your sister?" My house guest questioned after calming down. "Did she go back to the Underworld too?"

"Actually," I began before the door to my house was basically kicked in and my sibling practically jumped into the house while yelling 'Onii-chan, we're here!', "They were supposed to come over today."

"One of us is your Queen when I feel like it." Karasuba rolled her eyes while stepping through the door. "And I couldn't say no to Illya wanting to visit her brother. By the way, where's Shirone?"

I glanced over at where Shirone had been sitting at the table. All that was there was her hastily cleaned plate, which was still settling, meaning that the resident Neko girl had high-tailed it the moment Illya kicked in the door.

"Probably back with Rias and the rest of her Peerage." I shrugged, deciding to be merciful to the ravenous cat girl.

"Good, that kitty shouldn't be hogging my Onii-chan to herself anyway!" Illya declared with crossed arms and a harrumph. To say she wasn't a cat person was an understatement. The whole reason my house had to be renovated was because of Illya and Shirone duking it out. Sure, I needed a little more space, but I can't help but wonder how much less time it would've taken if the two light-haired girls hadn't trashed the place.

"Jailbait just wants him for his food." Issei commented dryly. "And speaking of jail, do you two happen to know why there appears to be a hobo hiding in a box à la Solid Snake on the doorstep for the past half hour?"

"Damn it! He knows!" Said suspected hobo in a box shouted from said doorstep.

"Ugh." Karasuba groaned. "I told him we didn't need to do this gag but he insisted." She took a deep breath and held out her hand. "Behold, the legendary Monkey King lives. The great and powerful Sun Wukong has emerged from the pages of fiction into our world."

It was pretty obvious that Karasuba had done this bit before, given her ease with saying the words but also the very deadpan way in which she said them.

It didn't seem to bother the occupant of the box who leapt out at surprising speed and was standing on the couch in the blink of an eye.

"And here I stand for all to see!" The legendary Monkey King declared. "Feel free to be in awe!"

If he was expecting applause, he didn't get any. Instead, the room greeted him with silence and several blinking, inquisitive eyes. It's not that I hadn't seen something this weird before. A human-sized monkey with red robes under a large greenish-black robe with prayer beads around his neck standing in my living room was actually on the lower end as far as recent weird things in my life went. Then again, having a house full of Fallen Angel ninjas, a crossdressing vampire kid and a holy-sword-wielding Knight girl kinda set a higher bar on what was considered "weird" for me these days.

"Um, hello." I greeted. "I'm Emiya Shirou and this is Hyoudou Issei, the one from another world, and the guys on the ceiling are my Fallen Angel ninja Pawns." It wasn't until after those words had left my mouth that I realized how stupid they sounded.

"So you're the young buck that worked so hard to help my dear student." Wukong noted happily, crossing the room in an instant to slap me on the back. "Gotta say it's good to see her out of that funk she was in. And you, Hyoudou Issei, have excellent tastes! No one's shoved Karasuba in a box since the last time I did it!"

"It's an unappreciated art." Issei shrugged factually, getting a vicious nod of approval from the sage.

"Always nice to know you enjoy your student getting her ass whooped." Karasuba commented dryly.

"Now don't be like that, dear pupil." Wukong chided good-naturedly, practically appearing behind her to poke playfully at her side with his staff, to which she gave no reaction. "I would have been upset if you'd lost some of your other fights. After all the training I put you through, it would have been embarrassing for you to lose then. These guys are just on another level, one you haven't reached quite yet." He then turned his attention to us. "Which reminds me, you two are otherworlders, right? If so, I was wondering if you could humor me some questions."

"I actually have some questions too." I spoke up. "I know you trained Karasuba, but when and how did you find her?"

"Oh, that's simple." Wukong grinned while plopping down on the couch. "I happened to be dropping by to visit an old friend or two in this country when I felt the power of the Red Dragon Emperor. Imagine my surprise when I stopped to take a look and found out it had only awoken recently and that Ddraig's latest host was a girl whose magic was practically nonexistent in comparison to her predecessors. A blessing in disguise, as it turned out, because if she had had more magic, then it's possible someone other than me might've found her first."

"Yes, just imagine." Karasuba chimed in. "I might've wound up with a master who doesn't pick my hair for fleas."

"I'm doin' ya a favor and you know it." The Monkey King retorted. "Now where was I? Ah yes, I had some questions for this other Red Dragon Emperor right here."

"I reserve the right to keep quiet about personal questions and details about my past if needed." Issei frowned. "I don't just give that stuff out to whoever asks."

"Was your teacher that traumatic of a person to train under?" Wukong questioned while rubbing his chin.

"Oh, you want to know who trained me." The Sekiryuutei considered, wondering where the harm could be in revealing that bit of information, I reckoned. "Depends on your definition of teacher. I went to college early, so I've had a few. Technically. I'm self-taught for at least half the things I do when it comes to fighting. Where do I even—?"

"Shirou," Illya perked up, "I bought some hairstyling stuff. Could you help me with it?"

"Hairstyling stuff." I repeated. "Since when were you interested in something like that?"

"Kara-chan thought I might look cute if I wore my hair differently, and so does Sera-nee. But I don't know how to use some of this stuff, so could you help me?"

"Yeah, I can." I sighed before glancing at the legendary figure and two dragon emperors. "We'll be back in a minute so try not to kill each other."

"You let me worry about that." Wukong assured with a grin.

Knowing that was the best I was going to get, I took Illya upstairs to one of the larger bathrooms, hoping this wouldn't take long.

"Now then, where were we?" Wukong continued, cracking his toes.

"Right, so I had a few teachers." Issei resumed his story. "Originally, it was just Ddraig and the other guy whom I'm not going to name because he was that traumatizing at times. But after I got discovered by Flathead-sensei, Baraquiel, things kinda picked up for me. He introduced me to Azazel, who in turn took me around to meet all kinds of people. I was learning about magic, Senjutsu, fighting, medical practice, it was a busy time. I didn't sleep much. Everyone I knew had at one point or another slipped me a tranq or five to get me to stop and sleep from my studying and work binges."

"They put you to sleep? Are you sure you simply didn't collapse under the workload?"

"You would be surprised how dedicated I can be to something when I have motivation. Despite how I act, the insatiable hunger of a dragon's mentality kicked in real early and hard for me. For a while, some thought it would be best to put me in a psychiatric hospital to calm me down, but we couldn't find one that was fireproof enough so they just humored my binges and let me wear myself out."

Karasuba scoffed, clearly not believing it.

"I see, the way I hear it, you're from an alternate world." The Monkey King recalled. "Did I happen to teach you about Senjutsu?"

"No. You're pretty reclusive back home. I was mostly self-taught from some medical scrolls in conjunction to my education, including a couple of yours that I managed to get a hold of over the years. Ki and Senjutsu aren't widely known and covered in most academic institutions, so I was working mostly from scratch. And it was Ki that I trained in technically. I know a load of Senjutsu theory, but I don't have the disposition to use it. I learned a bit from Kuroka doing oversight. Before she murdered that prick that was her King and all that. I hung out with Sairaorg Bael a bit too for a while, I guess."

"So that kid's the strongest of his generation in your world too." Wukong observed.

"Technically." The Sekiryuutei affirmed. "I'm about the only person in our general generation that can beat him one-on-one, but I'm officially dead back home, so he has the spot. Guy did not flinch when I asked him to be a test subject for some Touki experiments. Major balls on that one."

"You don't say." The legendary figure mused, the "officially dead" comment did not go missed. "You don't appear to be any older than seventeen. When were you discovered?"

"Around eight." Issei answered, though it was clear he was avoiding some key details. "I woke my Sacred Gears at five through dumb luck, so I had a couple years playing around with them before I was found by the Fallen. They probably would have kept me to themselves if Kuoh wasn't Devil territory. Politics and all that. Truth be told, I was more or less a secret joint project between the Three Factions after a certain point. An investment that had the potential to pay off huge dividends. Probably one of the main reasons why I wasn't killed off early."

"Sounds like the Red Dragon Emperor is well-respected in your world." Wukong conjectured.

"As much as it is here for the most part. Though from what I can tell, my Ddraig and Albion have cooler heads and their murder boners aren't perpetually throbbing like here."

Everyone ignored the brief swell of killing intent from Karasuba's arm.

"It's more accurate to say that I happen to be the most notable of the lot so far. Everyone says I'm a bit of an abnormality, even compared to other holders of the Boosted Gear. My head works differently." Issei gave an emotionless shrug. "Pretty much everyone was interested in me because I was working on a few major long-reaching projects and their potential results. Then they… what's so funny?"

The reason he asked was because Karasuba had steadily started laughing a minute ago and it was only getting louder.

"Oh don't mind me." She chuckled. "Just realizing where your poor personality comes from."

"As if you're one to talk." Issei sighed as though he wasn't interested in what she had to say. "At least I'm not a murder hobo."

"No, just realizing how pitiful it is that you became a shut-in." The nodachi-wielding girl spelled out. "You got the VIP treatment for what sounds like years and then, big shocker, the moment something happens that you can't solve with all your fancy abilities and connections, you fold like a house of cards."

"Don't pretend like you know a damn thing." Issei warned with narrowed eyes.

"That threat again." Karasuba smirked. "Come on, you don't like fighting, remember? But I guess you're just so used to getting your way that this is uncharted territory for you."

"You really think you're the first arrogant bitch I've had to put in her place?" He questioned with a raised eyebrow. "Don't let the porn obsession fool you into thinking I'm one of those 'women are queens' virgins. I don't give a shit about social standards about smacking the opposite gender to the hospital if they deserve it."

"I'm probably the first who's seen what you can do and brushed it off." Karasuba scoffed. "Don't expect me to bow down and worship you just because you're a bit stronger than me."

"The fact that you actually believe that just underscores just how green you still are. No. You really haven't seen what I can do. And the fact that you still can't tell how outclassed you are against me just makes this conversation even more embarrassing." Issei rolled his eyes. "Have you ever heard the phrase, 'don't fuck with the White Mage?'"

"She has." Wukong answered for her. "I told her several times as part of her training. She might have slept through that lesson though. She never took well to the theoretical lessons. I'll take responsibility for that."

"There is literally nobody that can screw with your insides worse than someone trained in the field of fixing your insides. I could've ended you in a thousand different ways, putting you in so much pain that you'd have been begging me for death. Screw white magic, do you even know how many ways you can actually kill someone with just a single Boost? I don't, and I tried making a list! I gave up after writing twenty pages in an eight-sized font!"

"Oooh. Twenty pages in eight size. That is a lot." The Monkey King nodded, clearly impressed. "Double-spaced or single?"

"Single standard. Double paragraph."

"Good man."

"Thanks."

"And what even is your idea of pain?" Karasuba asked, blatantly ignoring how easily the two clowns were getting along. "Getting a 'B' on your test? Not getting a complex technique on the first try? Someone telling you you're not special?"

"How about getting abandoned by the people you trusted most?" Issei shot back dryly. "Or getting the most precious things in your life taken from you? To my understanding, you still have your whole family."

"I have my mother and father." The grey-haired girl corrected. "They're the most amazing people in the world. Even after I took dad's arm, they both still loved me. The little worm doesn't really count as family."

"And why might that be?" The otherworlder asked with a twisted smirk that did not fit on his face at all. "I've heard the excuse that he's just not as strong as you or doesn't work as hard as you. But I think the real reason is, you're jealous."

"What makes you think that?" Karasuba asked with her own eyebrow raised in amusement.

"Why else would you hate him so much? You can make all the excuses you want about how he's a weakling, a slacker, a whiner who doesn't get how the world really works. But if I was in your shoes with that maniac dragon screaming in my ear whenever he felt like it, I know I'd be jealous of people who got to live a normal life."

"Speaking from experience?" The nodachi girl retorted. She wasn't smiling anymore.

"Yeah, I am. Because I'm not an idiot. Because at the end of the day, whether people lack all the power you wield or not, it winds up being a pain in their ass when they get caught in whatever bullshit crossfire gets sent your way and blame you for it, if you don't blame yourself. That's the real reason you hate your brother, that's also the reason you're a battle maniac, isn't it? You hate having to deal with all that power so you're going around trying to find someone stronger to put you out of your misery. You're just a coward that can't even admit—"

CLANG!

It happened in the blink of an eye. Karasuba had produced one of her many nodachi and stabbed it towards Issei, who had produced his book titled "Outer Multidimensional Theory," reinforced it with multiple Boosts, and held it up like a shield to block the weapon within just as short amount of time, if not faster.

Though he didn't flinch, it didn't escape Karasuba's eye that his arm strained ever so slightly, even if he didn't seem to pay it any mind.

"Guess that Mutated Queen piece really did make me stronger." She snarked. "And yeah, maybe deep down all I wanted to do was die and pass this damn curse onto someone else. But that's not what pissed me off here, no, I'm pissed because you think you're in any position to call me a coward."

"Tell me how you're not then?" Issei inquired, about as interested in her reply as watching paint dry.

"I'm way less of a coward than you!" The grey-haired girl snapped, her eyes burning with indignation and rage. "I'm actually trying to do something about my problem, unlike you! And don't think I didn't notice with those eyes and that exhausted way you carry yourself. You can't even walk out onto a crowded sidewalk or shake someone's hand without breaking down, so you opted for the slow way. Instead of actually trying to get better, the most respected and feared Red Dragon Emperor of your world is just sitting around waiting to die!"

"Doing something about it? You? This coming from the little girl that was not even half a week ago trying to 'suicide by cop' with the guy that conveniently became her new King out of convenient pity? Your powers of observation are so terrible I'm surprised you could manage to find your own ass if you were sitting on your hands." Issei's coldly stated, unamused. As he spoke, his body language slowly started to change. His back became straight, his eyes cold, and his voice developed a tone as though he was speaking to someone of a lower station than him. "Stop embarrassing yourself, child. The only reason why you didn't kill yourself already was because you were too indecisive to do it yourself. You did nothing. Your power did you nothing. Your strength did you nothing. And your decisions led you nowhere but in aimless circles. What good has come about in your life was from the decisions of others. Not. You. So don't claim the contrary and state your successes were your own like some spoiled brat, then lecture me on my actions when you can't even get your story straight."

Killing intent then filled the room, so thick it was actually causing things to shake. It wasn't just radiating from Issei, either, but Karasuba as well. The dragons were through with talk, it wasn't going to get them anywhere.

Karasuba's grip on her sword tightened.

Issei extended an armored index finger from the book he was holding, pointing right at her.

All that was left was… the staff?

WHAM! POW!

"SIMMER DOWN!"

Wukong commanded while knocking the two of them in the head with his weapon.

"Gah, always with the stupid stick." Karasuba groaned while rubbing her head. The killing intent in the room was gone as quickly as it appeared.

"Be happy yours just used a stick, mine used wrenches. And baby oil." Issei admitted while also rubbing his head.

I flung the door open, holding Bakuya and Kanshou at the ready.

"Ah, not surprising you felt something like that." Wukong quipped. "But don't worry, this old monkey's got it covered."

"What happened?" I asked, refusing to dematerialize my swords until I knew at least that much.

"Ask your Queen." Issei answered simply. "She's the one who felt like pissing me off."

"Not my fault if the truth hurts." Karasuba shrugged while dismissing her nodachi sword back to the dimension in her Sacred Gear.

"You're the one who tried stabbing me when the truth came out." Issei looked at her as though she was an idiot.

"Enough!" I snapped before taking a breath, "I was hoping I could have you both under the same roof without trying to kill each other, but not like this. Issei, I'm going to need you take Illya shopping for a bit."

"You serious? You know how bad of an idea—?" He started to say but I beat him to the punch.

"Issei, I need to have a discussion with Kara. That'll be a lot easier if you and Illya aren't here. If it's too uncomfortable for just the two of you, take Wukong." The Sekiryuutei glanced at said Monkey King, considering his options for a moment before sighing and dropping his shoulders in defeat.

"I better not." He decided. "The less attention we draw, the better. Come on, Illya, we won't be going far."

"Are you sure, Onii-chan?" Illya asked me. She was aware of Issei's dislike of crowds, but at the moment it was probably more dangerous to have two Red Dragon Emperors within close proximity of each other.

"I know you'll keep an eye on him." I encouraged, dismissing my blades before patting her head. She seemed to accept this, giving me a nod before the two of them headed out the door. Now came the fun part. "Alright, start talking."

"Fine." Karasuba sighed while leaning back. "Yeah, I tried to stab 'Red Worm Emperor' in the face."

"After I told you not to get into a fight with him." I growled.

"We pushed each other's buttons." She shrugged. "If I didn't try to stab him in the face, he would have probably tried his whole 'touch of death' routine."

"But you started the whole thing. Why?"

"Most people don't have the same level of saintly patience that you do, and he needed to know that he couldn't intimidate me like he does everyone else."

"He doesn't make a habit of intimidating people unprovoked." I pointed out, or rather tried to.

"He doesn't make a habit of trying to intimidate you." My Queen corrected, pointing at me. "For reasons known only to him, you're one of the few people in this world he respects. Everyone else is just a waste of space as far as he's concerned unless they're agreeing with him or can physically knock his ass around."

"Kara, you've known him the least amount of time in comparison to any of us, and you are the only one that has purposefully pushed him to react this badly the entire time he's been here. Most of the time, he makes it a point to actively stay away from others to avoid causing trouble just like this. He knows his personality is abrasive and at the very least tries to curb the worst of it when it is pointed out. Let's just be honest here, the reason you hate him so much is because he's another Issei."

"Yes, he is, to a ridiculous extreme!" Karasuba snarled as though a dam had just broke, "I meet a version of my brother stronger than me by possibly leaps and bounds, and what's really all that different? He's still a brat sitting in his room watching porn and whining about his problems, only it's worse because he could actually do something about them and just doesn't! He's still an unmotivated little shit that got everything handed to him, even a sane Ddraig, and still wants to believe he's getting the short end of the stick! I don't know what happened to traumatize him in the past but he needs to learn to count his blessings like I did."

"Kara," I almost whispered, "You had people who saved you."

"And he probably has people willing to save him in his own world." She countered. "But he has to want to be saved before anyone can save him. I'm certain that's something you've encountered plenty of times in your life up to this point, right?"

"I've encountered it enough."

About the Same Time: Near a Local Shopping District

"So this place exists here too." Issei noted as they stood outside of an out-of-the-way shop that was much bigger on the inside than it looked.

"You go here a lot in your world?" Illya asked.

"It's a good place to buy clothes and other goods that doesn't usually have a lot of people." The otherworlder explained nonchalantly. "Their main form of sales is pickup orders and deliveries, and they're building up their international connections, so they have a pretty diverse inventory. It was one of the first commerce locations I started going to when my mom finally convinced me to leave the house that I could tolerate without my agoraphobia going nuts."

"Do they have pretty dresses?" The white-haired girl couldn't help but ask.

"Not sure if they have 'murder loli' line here specifically but they got a pretty wide spread for you to go nuts on." Issei smirked. Illya playfully blew him a raspberry for that comment, clearly not taking offense to her title as badly as some of the others in Shirou's household. "Anyway, you head on in first. There's something I need to check out nearby. Don't worry, it's not porn… this time."

"You know Onii-chan wants me to keep an eye on you." The former homunculus reminded. "He's worried that you might get into trouble again."

"I'll only be gone a minute." The Sekiryuutei assured. "Your big brother has been good to me so I don't intend to cause him trouble. I have a personal rule about paying back debts."

"Fine, but I'll call him if you take too long." Illya threatened before turning and heading inside.

Issei simply sighed. She really could be cute when she wanted to be, but when she made a threat she intended to back it up.

Which is why he needed to do this quickly.

Taking a quick look around to make sure no one would see, Issei channeled White Magic and Ki in his body before leaping up into the air and onto the roof of a nearby building. No need to use his Sacred Gear just yet.

He produced his phone and pulled up a map showing the part of the city he and Illya were currently in. 'I felt it right around there.' He zeroed in on a particular spot that was marked as a warehouse district. 'If this doesn't scream trap, I don't know what does.'

He didn't know if it was for him specifically, but either way it was probably best that he went and took a look before someone else triggered it and potentially made things worse.

Mental instability aside, he was strong and his powers were good at dealing with problems with minimal damage. The others… not so much.

Thankfully, he'd found, much like the store below, that everything in the city was more or less in the same place as it was in his world.

With that in mind, he summoned up one of his portals known as a Dragon Gate and stepped through it, going several blocks in the blink of an eye.

What he found himself in front of couldn't be described as anything less than the stereotypical abandoned warehouse.

'Guess some clichés are just too good to pass up.' Issei mused before entering the aged-looking building. 'That or they own the property and are planning to score on the insurance if it conveniently gets destroyed eventually.'

He caught the scent almost immediately. It was slightly different than what he was used to, but still unmistakable.

"So, did you give off that brief signal just for me?" Issei's voice echoed through the abandoned space. "Or were you hoping to catch someone else, Vali?"

"So it's just as we thought." The voice of a mature-sounding teen answered. The owner of the voice stepped out from behind a pile of junk, his wavy silver hair, black jacket and pants easily recognizable. "You really do possess the Red Dragon Emperor. Only one with the Boosted Gear would recognize the power given off by my Divine Dividing."

"Yeah, you feel close enough to the Vali of my world. At least you're not barging down my bedroom door this time around." Issei noted absently with a tired yet casual stance before scratching the back of his head.

"You know me there."

"We hung out as kids. You know. Running. Chasing. Swearing. Wailing on one another for shits and giggles. Box warfare. Breaking into Azazel's stash and getting smashed. Coming up with gratuitously painful and creative ways to kill your prick of a grandfather. The usual."

To his credit, Vali only slightly twitched at that last bit. Whether it was a good or bad sign was anyone's guess.

"Look, I know I'm being a bit rude, and I'm really sorry about this, but I've had a bit of a situation just a while ago and just want to cool down for the moment. If you actually intend to just talk a bit, I'm more than happy to play along for about… five minutes, give or take. I really have to get back soon otherwise my hosts will be pissed at me more than they already are. If you want to fight, please don't. Or at least not here and now. We can even say we did and you kicked my ass around town if it'll make you happy and go away. But, knowing my luck and the look you're currently giving me…"

"I wish to test your strength." Vali went straight to the point as a pair of white and blue armored dragon wings sprouted from his back. "I'm curious about the power of the Red Dragon Emperor from another world."

"Because of course you do. Of all things, this stays the same between our worlds." Issei dropped his head in helpless childish despair.

Well, on the bright side, Vali wasn't gender-swapped to be some unstable psycho bitch. Small mercies and all that.

He should have ignored Vali just like when they were kids, but he knew that would only prompt the battle junkie to chase after him like a rabid doberman and wreck everything in his path until Issei said yes, which would have been bad.

He liked that mall. Oh, and Illya would have also been in danger.

He was going to need to restock on boxes before he left this world.

The Khaos Brigade is breaking out the big guns now and with it things are gonna start picking up! Hope Shirou enjoyed that one good night of sleep because I don't think he's getting another for a little while. But that'll be for next chapter, in the meantime feel free to leave a comment or review about what you liked/disliked or if you've got any neat ideas for future chapters! Also, don't forget to check out my Pat reon when you got a moment and let me know what else I could add. Finally, stop in next time as dragons duke it out and Shirou's hangover becomes the least of his problems. 'Til then.