Warehouse Throw Down
And here we are with the latest chapter of I'm Too Sober For This! Apologies if this is a little late but basically everyone's been busy at this point. So first off I'd like to again thank my beta readers Steeler Steelix, Pyromania101 and, of course, Third Fang for their help with this story. And a slight heads up, next week is Fourth of July week so expect a possible delay with one or two stories for Independence Day celebrations. Finally, if you like what I do and want to help support it go to my Pat reon by typing in the website name with 'maskedspider' at the end of it. You can find out what I'm up too along with the progress of my stories if you become a patron. Now then I've said enough and with no guest review questions to answer this week let's dive on in!
Early Evening: Abandoned Warehouse
What was it about the Sekiryuutei and Hakuryuukou that always seemed to put them at odds with each other? Whether they were in their true dragon forms or trapped in Sacred Gears, the two always seemed to want to fight each other.
In Issei's world, it had taken a combination of a young Issei's blunt logic and delivery, along with Ghost being there, to finally quell the conflict.
The subsequent Uhaul's worth of boxes was strictly to rein in Vali.
Unfortunately, Ghost had not visited this particular world, and there was no "from the mouth of a slightly deranged child" moment to hammer in how silly their actions were, so Ddraig and Albion were still at each other's throats.
No. It was clearly even worse in this world, given how borderline feral the Ddraig in Karasuba's Sacred Gear had been which did raise something of a question.
"Hey, so before we get on with this," Issei spoke up with some mild curiosity in his eyes, "I have to ask, is the Albion here as insufferably rabid as this world's Ddraig?"
"It depends on your definition of insane." Vali responded, clearly trying to read in between the lines of the question. "He does greatly, and I mean greatly, desire a battle with Ddraig. But he's just as happy battling other strong opponents; a trait he and I have in common. Naturally, the chance to battle another bearer of the Boosted Gear with a different set of abilities is an opportunity we can't pass up. And speaking of which, I believe the time for talk has passed."
He stomped his foot on the floor, kicking off the ground to hover a couple feet in the air. A blast of magical energy was released from his body at the same time, causing the floor to shatter and fling debris into the air while also scattering numerous random items around the holder of Divine Dividing.
"Now let me see how strong you are!" Vali roared, opening up with a series of demonic energy blasts from his right index finger.
Issei leaned his head from side-to-side, evading the initial blasts almost nonchalantly before shifting his body left to right to avoid the next couple of blasts, almost as if he was practicing the footwork for a small dance.
"If you insist." His tone made it sound like he had had this conversation before, summoning his Sacred Gear on his left arm. "Time to get the box again, I guess."
He took a small step forward…
… And seemingly warped a few feet behind Vali. The coils on Issei's gauntlet pulled back and sprang forward. In the instant Issei turned around, his hand had reached out to grab some of the airborne debris that his assaulter had kicked up.
Said debris lost its form and color as it was superheated in his hand.
'He's trying to catch me with all this junk kicked up, or at least trace my path.' The Sekiryuutei mused before tossing a small amount of actual hot lava at his opponent. 'All right, let's see how he likes my tweak to the game.'
He warped again, this time changing direction to where he was behind Vali. Before he could follow through with his attack, though, several blasts erupted from numerous parts of the White Dragon Emperor's right and back side while his left side was shielded from the lava by a demonic energy shield.
"I'm well aware of your white magic ability." Vali proclaimed while Issei dodged and danced around the blasts being thrown his way. "Just like I'm also aware of your ability to move so quickly."
[Divide!]
Issei was in mid-jump before feeling his body suddenly yanked forward well within striking distance of Vali who attacked by swinging his right wing downwards.
"That's certainly different." Despite being on the receiving end of things, Issei didn't seem to be bothered at all with the development. If anything, he seemed to be more curious and acting like a spectator.
Accelerating himself just a few inches to his right, feeling the force of the blow tearing up the ground where he'd just been not even a second ago, the Sekiryuutei crossed his arms and digested what had just happened as though it didn't almost kill him. "My Vali doesn't use his wings to discharge blasts like that. He gave up trying to pull off that trick years ago. Said it messed with his output too much and screwed with his fine control in high-speed fights to use it reliably."
Issei tilted his head to the side in thought. Then again, it had been years since he had last talked to his Vali about his skillset and actually fought the ass addict, which was admittedly his own fault. Maybe Vali had fixed that problem since then?
"I can use these wings in many ways." Vali stated while slashing at his opponent again. Issei's foot hit the ground just in time for him to dodge back then slide left and right, striking a couple of dance poses before jumping up to avoid an attack at his midsection.
[Cancel!]
"That trick caught me off guard last time." The Sekiryuutei admitted, flipping in midair as the distance between him and Vali was suddenly increased. "But it's nothing special now that I can see it coming."
Emphasizing his point, Issei kicked off the nearby wall he'd been flying towards before warping to the ceiling, then to another wall, then the floor in quick succession to the point that it appeared to be one fluid movement.
Vali leapt away to dodge, but not in time to completely avoid Issei's next charge. He felt a raging pain all throughout a good quarter of his body as his opponent's fingers brushed against his leg before he flipped over backwards and slashed with his left wing.
Issei simply moved his head to the side to avoid the attack while Vali flipped over backwards in midair before hovering a few feet away. 'That didn't feel great.' The White Dragon Emperor grimaced, feeling some numbness in his leg when he tried to wiggle his toes. 'If I hadn't used Divine Dividing to halve the power he used, that might've been even worse. Keeping my distance up to this point was a good decision.'
"You have an idea of what I can do." His opponent announced, no, casually stated with a dull stare in his eyes. It was the look of a person that was not invested, interested, nor motivated in the slightest with what was going on. "Last chance to back out, or you won't be able to fight your way out of a cardboard box when I'm done with you. Literally. I have the boxes ready to prove it for later."
"It might interest you to know: I've been reduced to such a state before." Vali replied with a hungry smirk. His blood was starting to boil, and he didn't know why, but the idea of trying to get the dragon in front of him to take him seriously was one that was enticing him exponentially by the second. "It was thanks to that I learned more than a couple valuable lessons. Let me show you one of them."
[Half Dimension!]
A wave of energy was released from the Divine Divider's body that reduced everything down to half its size, even the warehouse enclosing them shrank…
A single titanic crimson and ebony claw stomped down on the ground in refutation.
... All except for Issei, who took a single step forward defiantly, literally shattering the hope of whatever effect Divine Dividing might have had on him.
Vali couldn't help but suppress a shiver as Issei looked up at him, unimpressed. Whatever this odd power was, it was… different. The more he pushed his opponent, the more he felt like he was going up against a genuine dragon in human form and not simply the bearer of a Sacred Gear.
"Kudos for using Half Dimension in your base state. Last time I saw my Vali, he still needed Balance Breaker to pull it off. I mean, we were twelve at the time, but still, not bad. That said, you realize it'll just make it easier for me to take you down if you make this a close quarters fight, right?" Issei couldn't help but gesture toward the shrunken battleground. "Even if you made me a midget, it wouldn't change the outcome."
One that was obviously still not taking him seriously.
"I'd prefer to make sure of that myself." A vein of irritation on Vali's head grew visible as he swung a wing, launching some of scattered items that had littered the floor at Issei.
[Cancel!]
The items all returned to their original size, forcing Issei to Boost his speed and reaction time to bob and weave through them as the irregular paths made them all difficult to follow.
'Guess I have to put some effort into this.' He admitted while just barely dodging Vali's follow-up wing slash by leaning back and spinning out of the way. The White Dragon Emperor clearly caught on to what he was doing, however, and swatted more random debris at him, returning it to its original size as before.
Issei then decided to change tactics, focusing his next few Boosts on his body's durability and other traits before charging forward once more, but this time he barreled through the places where the debris was smallest, hardly noticing when it broke against his skin. This managed to take Vali by surprise as Issei went speeding past him and stopped just a few feet away.
'Aaaah, damn it, I misjudged the distance and angle because of the debris in my eyes.' Issei thought, turning. 'But that won't stop me this time.'
Knowing he only had an instant to avoid a devastating outcome, in an act of desperation Vali slammed his foot into the ground, sending more debris flying that he returned to normal size to act as a shield.
As before, Issei intended to barrel through them, if not for one literally unforeseen obstacle: he forgot to check the floor where some of the rock had bowed upward.
He felt his foot catch on it but couldn't stop himself as he was flung and warped forward face-first into Vali's ass as the latter tried to jump to escape.
The impact was enough to send them both shooting forward and crashing into a wall where both teens lay splayed out in pain and confusion; the Sekiryuutei nursing his head and face and the White Dragon Emperor massaging the point of impact with his hands.
"Ah, fucking dammit that stinks!" Issei exclaimed while holding his nose. "My fucking mouth was open and now I've got, ah, what is that? Taco Tuesday and dragon ass?!"
"Both our asses are dragon asses." Vali retorted with a slight wince. "And it's leftover Taco Tuesday, if you must know."
"Oh for fucks' sake, Zaz." The Sekiryuutei groaned, trying to clean out his sinuses. "Different universe, same half-assed bullshit. Seriously, what sort of immortal world leader gets by on a diet of top shelf booze and fast food? And then pushes it on his charges? Let me guess, he still conducts most of his experiments…"
"With his pants off because he's too lazy to put them on if he doesn't have to after working over his latest one night stand, yeah." Vali answered without even thinking.
"It's a miracle you turned out as well-adjusted as you have in either reality. And that's before taking your prick of a grandfather into account."
"Can't argue against that."
It was a rare moment of camaraderie between the two dragon emperors.
Issei tried to breathe again, gagged, coughed, and produced a bit of cologne from his Sacred Gear, taking big whiffs of its much better smelling burning fragrance to clear out his face. "You are not to tell anyone about what just happened. Agreed?"
"You mean something happened just now?"
"Good man."
"Perhaps it's time we went about this more directly." Vali suggested. "We're not getting anywhere probing each other's defenses."
"The Vali in my world had a thing for asses, no homo." Issei commented absently, clearly not caring either way. "You into them, too? I can hook you up after this if you need some sources."
"That… is something I'd rather not answer." The White Dragon Emperor lowered his stance to resume the fight. "Or rather, I'll answer it if you can best me with the power I'm currently using."
"Same old Vali." The Sekiryuutei simply shook his head before taking his own ready stance.
By this point, more than a minute had passed and he'd tanked his body up on all the necessary Boosts he needed… by his calculations anyway.
No point in going truly overboard and showing more of his hand than needed to a world that was still debating whether or not to kill him.
[Cancel!]
That was as good a signal as any. The moment the building returned to normal, the Sacred Gear users were nothing but blurs. Vali abandoned his strategy of trying to trip up Issei and instead used his own speed to bound and maneuver around the warehouse. Issei himself refrained from using his usual rapid-fire displacing for the time being, mirroring Vali by jumping around the warehouse in a similarly acrobatic fashion. Several near clashes would follow with each knowing that a single touch could turn the tide of the fight.
Issei danced and rolled around Vali's wings and blows while the White Dragon Emperor himself spun and flipped around surprisingly well for someone with a pair of giant appendages on his back. The Boosted Gear wielder was the first to up the ante by firing a small bolt of lightning at his opponent, who quickly blocked it with his demonic energy before firing back with blasts of his own. Maneuvering around, Issei unleashed a stream of fire from his mouth, its concentrated power more than enough to overpower the demonic aura his foe had been using up to this point.
[Reflect!]
The voice of Albion declared, summoning a barrier of dark blue energy in front of him. As its name suggested, this power redirected incoming attacks, in this case right back at the user. Vali fully expected his opponent to dodge it which was why he was more than a little surprised when Issei leapt through the torrent of flame with a sparking hand held in the air.
"Smile for the camera, ass-man." Issei quipped before generating more electricity. Instead of a bolt of lightning, however, this time he produced an incredibly bright flash which forced Vali to shield his eyes.
'You think that'll work, but I can still sense you.' The Divine Divider swore inwardly before bringing both wings in for a pincer attack. But by the time they reached their target, there was nothing left there but air.
In that instant, Issei had warped one more time, instantly evading the point-blank attack by moving inside his opponent's guard, and slammed his left hand into Vali's stomach.
Pain shot through the silver-haired boy's body, the most intense he'd felt in a long time. It only lasted long enough for him to hit the ground, but by that point Vali knew the battle was over.
"Shit, this world is annoying." Issei sighed as he landed on his feet, dismissing his Sacred Gear and stretching out his neck and arms. "I can't tell if it's me being rusty, the people here being better, or a combination of both, but I have had to work to take you all down so far."
"I guess that's your attempt at a compliment." Vali coughed, his own Sacred Gear disappearing. "I can't help but wonder how inept my counterpart in your world must be for you to say something like that."
"Well, I mean, the last time I saw my Vali, we were barely thirteen, and we first met when we were nine, so there's that to consider. Odds are, he's probably stronger than you now. I just haven't seen it yet for a proper benchmark." Issei gave a half-hearted shrug, "I kinda got a jump on the whole rivalry situation, which reminds me…" He reached behind his back, the coils on his Boosted Gear winding back and springing forward. In the next instant, a box big enough to fit a person into seemingly appeared out of nowhere. "I figure I can deal with you the same way I did my Vali."
"And that would be…?" The immobile half-devil grunted from his position on the floor.
"Shoving you in a box and mailing you all over the world with commemorative blackmail pictures of course." The Sekiryuutei replied in a slightly more upbeat and cheerful tone. "And believe me, the delivery service I use is top rated so… shit."
"Now what?" Vali dared to ask, more annoyed than anything now.
"I don't have a delivery account in this world." Issei realized with aghast horror, showing more emotion than he had during their entire fight. "I'll have to set everything up all over again!"
"You might as well just wait for my strength to recover if that's the case." The Divine Divider pointed out. "By the time you're done with that, I'll probably be ready to use teleportation magic again."
"Tell me about it." He agreed while plopping down on the surprisingly sturdy box he'd pulled out. "It took me a good few minutes to make the account the first time. It's a pain to get into human trafficking while avoiding the assholes that cause trouble for everyone. Seriously, what underworld kingpin tries to blackmail an eight-year-old?"
"Probably for the best." Vali grunted, clearly not wanting to know the details about that particular story. "If you're really not from this world I doubt you'll be sticking around for long."
"If the Maous are really serious about getting me back, no, I won't be here too much longer." Issei confirmed, though his tone indicated he had his misgivings about that. "But since I've got another few minutes, why don't you answer that question? Ya know, the one you said you'd tell me if I took you down."
"Oh, that." The silver-haired teen recalled with a slight cringe. "You wanted to know if I had an ass fetish. I did, once upon a time, then I made Ophis angry."
"You made Auntie O angry?" Issei questioned with a raised eyebrow and a shudder. "Damn, I take it back, you were just as big an idiot as my Vali was when he was a kid."
"I might have been just the slightest bit cocky after a successful training session one day." Vali admitted. "Ophis set me straight real quick by biting my ass so hard there's permanent scarring. Ever since that day, I can't think about my ass fetish without my own ass hurting. You could say I'm in the market for a new one, if the mood ever struck me."
"The mood strikes every guy." Issei pulled out his certification card. "As a certified porn reviewer of the highest tier, I know that for a fact. And unlike the prickly Sekiryuutei of this world, I've got plenty of recommendations and sources to tide you over."
"I hope you don't need to access an account to show me all of them." Vali quipped. "I doubt you have one set up for that, either."
"Don't underestimate me when it comes to the matters of porn." Hyoudou declared with his chest puffed out. "I might not be able to set up a secure shipping account for you in a short time without your private info, but I know all the channels to set you up with nearly everything else."
"I have a shipping account if you need one." A girl's voice suddenly rang out from behind the Sekiryuutei.
"That would actually be very convenient because IIIIIII—fuck." For the first time in what felt like a long while, Issei paled. He should've recognized the voice right away, but he was off on one of his porn rants again, so it wasn't until he turned around that he realized just how bad his day was about to turn out.
"Good afternoon, Hyoudou Issei." Ophis greeted, her face emotionless as always. "To my understanding, you know many alternate versions of people from this world, including me."
Issei's only response was to nod his head a few times. It was true he did know Ophis back in his world, which was why he knew to be scared. Even worse, he was friends with the Ophis back in his world but had no such history with this one.
"Lady Ophis." Vali grunted as he finally managed to sit up. "It seems we were correct in our assumptions. This Issei is far stronger than the one in Rias Gremory's Peerage. And I strongly suspect he surpasses the current Sekiryuutei as well."
"That's to be expected." The Ouroboros Dragon stated impassively. "He possesses Grandpa's power in addition to his own, after all."
It was at that moment that Issei's hand met his face hard.
Ever since he had arrived in this world, he had this overwhelmingly strong feeling that he was forgetting something important. More than the normal things he usually forgot.
'Oh damn it, don't tell me she wants Ghost to get rid of Great Red in this world too!' Another realization dawned on him at that moment, one he should've thought of ages ago: Ophis had sensed him about to use Ghost when he was fighting the Maous.
"Tell me something." He managed to say. "Are you and Vali independents?"
"I'm not sure I understand your meaning." Ophis tilted her head slightly. "Vali serves under me as leader of his own subsection of the Hero Faction. It is one of a number within the Khaos Brigade."
"Then that makes you…" Issei really didn't want to finish the sentence.
"Lady Ophis is the leader of the Khaos Brigade." Vali confirmed, finally able to stand up. "It is under her that numerous heroes and other beings have gathered in hopes of achieving their goals and disrupt the status quo that has been established by the Three Factions."
"And in turn, I intend to use their help to reclaim my domain within the Dimensional Gap." Ophis finished for him. "Now tell me, how is it you came to possess a Sacred Gear containing Grandpa?"
Issei grimaced, knowing that he was for once in very hot water. There were disasters that involved the Maou, and then there were disasters that involved cosmic horror-tiered entities.
"Uh, well, to clarify for everyone, he's not actually grandpa Grandpa." Issei's words came tumbling out now. "In his words, he's more of a step-granduncle once removed, that works for grandma Grandma. He's kinda particular about that."
Vali didn't seem to quite understand what he was talking about judging from his slight frown, but Ophis did.
"And as for how this all happened," Issei went on, "It was just a weird little accident, really. Keep in mind, I was five at the time and didn't know what was going on at all. Ghost was actually trying to hide from my world's version of you for a bit by leaping into my Sacred Gear's storage dimension before it had awakened while I was at the local park. And then because he jumped in, it did awaken. He wound up getting entangled with it when it activated for the first time and wound up bound to my soul as another Sacred Gear. Believe me, if he could leave without me dying he probably would've done it a long time ago."
"That is a small dilemma." The Infinity Dragon stated, her expression as empty as ever. "Your death should suffice to release him from the Sacred Gear."
"Now just hold on a sec—!"
BAAAMM!
The next thing Issei knew, he was launched through the air, crashing through the back wall of the warehouse and into another one.
And another.
And another.
He would smash through several more obstacles before cratering the back wall of the newly abandoned warehouse he'd been sent flying into.
"Ow." He grunted before falling to the floor. 'When was the last time I was on the receiving end of one of Auntie's slaps?'
If it could even really have been called a slap to begin with.
He'd seen his Ophis slap an unruly creature or two the size of a building and obliterate them on the spot. The reason he wasn't splatter art right now was thanks to a last-instant mass Boost he did to his durability on reflex, and the fact that Ophis had hit him with more of a love tap than a straight-up slap. If she'd been serious and bitch-slapped him, a good bit of the area wouldn't be standing right now.
"Interesting." The unwelcome voice of the Ouroboros Dragon reached his ears, prompting Issei to look up at the approaching gothic lolita. "Your capabilities don't seem much different from the Ddraig of this world. The main difference appears to be that you have unlocked your limiter and have the ability to stockpile Boosts, practically eliminating the time needed to use the ability."
"As far as subspecies of the Boosted Gear goes, it's actually pretty common back home. The lack of limiters kills most users eventually if you use it conventionally. Overcharging and all that. I just use it differently." Issei coughed before struggling to his feet. His body held strong, but she had nailed his thick skull at just the right angle to give him a nasty concussion. "What about you? You held back."
"It would be troublesome to draw the attention of the Three Factions right now." Ophis answered flatly. "It's not that I couldn't eradicate them, but I promised some members of the Khaos Brigade that I would allow them the first blows against their enemies."
"That's great and all, but I really don't have a dog in that fight." The Sekiryuutei pointed out. "All I want is to go home."
"Then simply release Grandpa and help me chase away Big Red. I don't believe I'm asking for much."
"You wouldn't think so." Issei replied while holding up his right arm wrapped in a holy shroud. "But ya see, there was a bit of an incident a few years ago that I really don't want to talk about. Long story short, Ghost had to be put under and he was pretty damn pissed about things. It was a mutual agreement, not forced. If I let him out now before certain conditions are met, I don't see it ending well for you, me, or the universe in general."
"The alternative is you die and I pull him out myself." Ophis dismissed his warning without hesitation.
Issei blinked in confusion before looking at her genuinely confused. "I… you're serious? You do realize the weight and implications of your actions and the shitshow it would cause, right? I'm actually aware of where both of you are in the greater hierarchy of things. Also, I'm still mortal, and you two aren't. There shouldn't be any need for you of all people to rush… my…"
Issei paused and stared Ophis in the face, scrutinizing her features as though looking for something he had missed earlier.
And then he saw whatever it was he had been searching for. Something that genuinely surprised, scared, and saddened him.
"…Oh. So that's why."
While Vali couldn't piece together what Issei had just determined, Ophis did, and for once the slightest frown of displeasure marred her features. "Your insight betrays you. Even if your end served no purpose, your end is assured now. So long as I'm able to return to my home of silence in the end—"
CLANG!
The gothic girl turned around as a rain of swords impacted against her body. A similar barrage forced Vali back as he used his wings to deflect some of the more accurate ones.
"My luck really is rubbing off on you." I commented dryly while landing in front of Issei. "I send you off to keep busy for a little bit and this is what happens."
"It's more a combination of both our bad luck." Issei grunted as he got back on his feet. "That's Ophis and Vali right there. Trust me when I say they're way worse than Cthulhu."
"Guess we'll find out." I acknowledged while summoning several more swords and firing them at our opponents. Ophis actually moved in front of Vali to deflect the majority of them, given he was moving about rather slowly at the moment. "And now for the secret weapon." I activated the seal by my ear used for communication among Devils and other magical beings. "Sona, now!"
A magic array we had both come to recognize appeared beneath Issei. At the same time, I grabbed a hold of his shoulder while activating some of the dropped swords. What followed was an enormous flash of light which filled up the whole warehouse. By the time it faded, Issei and I were gone.
On the Front Lawn of Emiya Shirou's Renovated House
"And we have… success." Sona breathed out as both Issei and I appeared near the front door. Me on my feet, and Issei on his back again.
"So that's what that's like." I couldn't help but comment as though talking about a new food I had just tried. "A little more disorienting than normal teleportation."
"It will be one of the things we need to study down in the Underworld." The Sitri Heiress stated while adjusting her glasses. "I'm simply glad it worked."
"For once, so am I." Issei admitted, standing back up again but otherwise none-too-affected by his latest excursion. He glanced at Sona. "But I gotta ask, wasn't your sister supposed to be taking you for experimentation? Ya know, needles, wires, magical girl dresses."
"I wouldn't put that last one past her." Sona sighed. "That's actually why I am here: I had intended to inform you of this change while also extending an invitation to my family's private beach. I should've known my sister would take any excuse to come over and say hi to Shirou."
"If you call attempted spooning a hello." I grunted. "But we have a few big problems now, so we should probably head in and talk it over." No one was opposed to this particular course of action as we headed inside.
Issei needed somewhere to sit for a while so that he could finish healing from the slap Ophis had given him. A minute later, he tried to turn down Asia's offer of assistance but gave up almost instantly when she said she'd ask him porn questions if he refused. After that, he laid out the situation for us.
None of us were actually thrilled that he had run off to fight Vali and got involved with Ophis, but the fact that they had been in the area regardless and probing the surroundings was reason for alarm in itself. Of all the people to trigger the trap and minimize damages, Issei was admittedly the best option on short notice, even if he should have informed everyone else about his actions first.
Illya came in about this time, having been picked up by my Pawns, but that wasn't the main attractor of attention right about then. "Ah, what a damn headache." Karasuba groaned while rubbing her forehead. "If I'd known you were gonna tell us you ran into Ophis, I would've left the room."
"Why? You actually scared to fight her?" Issei asked. "Not that I blame you."
"Not scared at all." Karasuba corrected while pointing to her left arm. "It's this jackass in here that's the problem. Usually, he's going on and on about 'Albion' this and 'Albion' that, but once you mentioned going up against Ophis, he flipped. I've had to listen to a nonstop rant questioning why Ophis thought your lazy Ddraig was worth bothering with, on top of the fact that Albion challenged you and not me."
"Curiosity in one form or another." The Sekiryuutei halfheartedly shrugged. "Your Ddraig would probably do the same thing if another user of Divine Dividing showed up randomly. On a side note, Vali would definitely mop the floor with you."
"Only one way to find out." Karasuba smirked.
"Getting back on topic," I interrupted to keep things from potentially escalating, "Any chance Ophis knows we're here?"
"The teleportation can't be tracked, or at least it hasn't so far." Sona answered. "Since it was designed for teleporting a very small number of individuals, it doesn't give off much magic. I'm honestly surprised it was able to teleport both of you."
"Please tell me you didn't pick a life-or-death situation against an elder dragon god as a time to test a theory." Issei groaned.
"Don't blame Sona, it was my idea." I informed, eliciting a mumbled 'of course' from my guest. "When you weren't back after a few minutes, Illya called me. When I got close enough to sense what was going on, I booked it and called her to use the teleportation as soon as I gave the signal."
"And what would you have done if only I was teleported or our molecules got intertwined and we both died?" Issei questioned with a raised eyebrow.
"If that was Ophis, the Ouroboros Dragon, we both would've been screwed anyway." I pointed out. "And if only you got teleported, then I would've figured something out. The main thing is you would've been safe."
"I can't believe I'm starting to understand what it feels like to be Rin Tohsaka!"
"Sera probably has a wig and some stockings you can borrow." Illya quipped from her place in Karasuba's lap.
For the briefest of moments, my mind wandered slightly as to why Sera had those items to begin with… before a mental chibi version of Rin with a cigarette and a gun of all things popped up in my head and calmly told me to back away from that train of thought.
"Yeah, I'll sign up for the Rocky Horror Picture Show while I'm at it. Again."
"Again?" Asia sounded far more interested in the word than she should have. Then again, I saw more than one person look at Issei skeptically.
"The people I hung around with as a kid gave as much as they took, and I was one hell of a giver. Shame was very loosely defined whenever we were around and trying to one-up one another."
That explained so much, and yet so very, very little.
"Wait, what does that—?"
"You can dress in drag and do whatever after we get to a safer location." Sona cut off Asia before she potentially made us hear something we really shouldn't have. "Now, I've already called Rias. She should be on her way right now with the rest of her Peerage and once she arrives—"
RING!
The sound of the doorbell going off interrupted the Sitri Heiress, but she actually seemed pleased by the interruption this time. "Ah, they must've used their own teleportation magic, they're already here."
"I shall answer for my lord!" Xenovia declared, quickly crossing the room and opening the door all the way. "Uh, my lord? Were we expecting any other guests today?"
Blades, Sacred Gears, and magic all manifested at once as we all moved in behind Xenovia. But whom we were confronting was not the enemy we expected.
"Please, I know you have every reason to distrust me." The newcomer admitted with her hands raised. "But I promise you I'm not here to fight."
"All your comrades' actions up to this point say otherwise." Sona pointed out, an edge in her voice. "We're fully aware that you're a member of the Khaos Brigade."
"What other choice did I have?" The newcomer questioned. "No one was really interested in taking in someone like me after I killed my master. The Khaos Brigade welcomed me, and it had a couple of powerful individuals I was curious about. But things have changed."
"Changed how?" I asked, suppressing my surprise at this individual's presence. "Last I checked, the Khaos Brigade was still an enemy of the Three Factions."
"Yes, they are still your enemy." She acknowledged. "But I've come to learn that I may not have to be." Before I could ask what she meant, several individuals entered the front yard of the house, their arrival announced by the light of teleportation magic. It was Rias and her Peerage who, once they caught sight of our uninvited guest, understandably froze. No doubt they were as confused about this as the rest of us, but it was one Peerage member in particular I was worried about.
"What's going on?" Shirone asked, for once being unable to keep the look of surprise off her face. "Why are you here, Kuroka? No, why are you here, sister?"
The short answer: to add another possible complication to our already complicated lives. Just our luck.
Dragons and boxes and cats, oh my. But here's a fun burning question: how did Kuroka know where they were? We'll find that out next time, so while we all wait feel free to leave a comment or review about what you liked/disliked or if you've got any neat ideas for future chapters! Also don't forget to check out my Pat reon to take a look at the other projects I got going on during the week. Finally, stop in next time as our heroes interrogate Shirone's older, and bustier, sister! 'Til then.