The Dragon Girl's Desires
Hello everyone, we're back at last with a new chapter of I'm Too Sober For This! Sorry it took so long, life kept at least a couple of us busy at one point or another for weeks. But now the conclusion to the arc is here! Also, a quick couple of announcements. Due to an email issue I've had to move my Pat reon page a little. You can now find me at : / www . pat reon MaskedSpider581. Apologies to the folks who were already subscribed but becoming a patron is, thankfully, quite easy. Also, I've recently started a new story, a Star Wars story known as Star Wars: Path of Kan Taro! If you enjoy tales from a galaxy far far away I think you'll enjoy this one. Now then, the wait's been long enough already and we've got no guest review questions this week, so let's get to it!
The Rating Games Arena
Explosions were still erupting around the stadium as Sairaorg continued his bout with Cao Cao.
The spear-wielding hero had proven rather agile, more than capable of attacking from any range thanks to his weapon's ability to extend and retract at high speeds. His skills were also nothing to scoff at as his ability to seamlessly redirect the armored teen's blows almost made up for the gap in their physical strength.
Almost being the operative word.
"Regulus, how are you holding up?" Sairaorg questioned while moving his arm to deflect the latest extended spear attack.
"That holy spear is really getting on my nerves." His Pawn responded. "My skin might be tough but being a Devil makes it burn like a bitch. I don't understand how your kind tolerates a weakness like this."
"Just another reason to draw this to a close sooner rather than later."
Of course, that would be easier said than done. Thanks to Regulus, he still had a fair bit of power to expend, but his battle with Shirou definitely did a number on his stamina. Adding on to that, Cao Cao was playing his cards close to his chest, holding off on using his own Balance Breaker even when his teammates had already done so.
"Do you have any ideas?" Regulus asked. "I can keep going for a while longer, so don't worry about any sort of time constraints just yet."
"I might have one or two." Sairaorg revealed. "The trick is getting him in the right position."
"Might be time to bust out a couple of those moves you were saving for Shirou." His pawn suggested.
"There is that one I was hoping to use." His King grinned as a plan began to form in his mind.
A similar situation was happening over with Xenovia but reversed: she was the one evading the attacks directed at her. Both Perseus and the Head of Medusa were working in tandem, forcing the Knight to utilize all of her speed to avoid being caught in a pincer attack. It wouldn't have been so difficult if not for the effect of Perseus's Balance Breaker.
The floating head fired off beams of light that undoubtedly cause things to become stone. Xenovia had spent much of her life studying myths and legends to aid in the Church's fight against the supernatural before switching sides, so she was familiar with the monster's ability. She was also certain that same ability extended to Perseus's sword.
"Why so shy now?" Perseus taunted as he came in with a slash aimed at Xenovia's arms which she parried and leapt away from. "You were so gung-ho about crossing blades just a moment ago!"
"Well, we can't all rely on our dead grandmother's head when things get tough." The swordswoman snarked while rolling out of the way of another blast of light from said floating head.
"You watch your mouth! Granny was a saint!" The hero broke character momentarily, rushing forward with a flurry of slashes in a frustrated rage.
The Knight blocked each and every one, being sure to direct them away from her skin.
'I don't know if a single cut will prove lethal or not.' She reasoned. 'I can't afford to get careless.'
They locked blades before Perseus grabbed her arm with his shield hand, holding her in place as the floating head moved into position behind her.
"Not yet!" Xenovia declared, channeling her demonic power into her sword which caused it to open up around the blade.
Red electricity suddenly erupted from the blade, its intensity surprising her opponent and causing him to loosen his grip. Xenovia used this to her advantage, yanking him around by his shield arm just as the Medusa Head fired.
"Gah!" Perseus hissed, raising his shield instinctively while Xenovia moved away. The latter was disappointed to see the attack had no effect on him, which he quickly noticed much to his amusement. "Oh? Ah. Haha. Sorry. I forgot to mention, my power doesn't work on me."
"I suppose it would be embarrassing for you if it did." The blue-haired Knight admitted before holding her sword in front of her. "But I'll bet this power does!" The red lightning from her weapon intensified, reaching upwards as if the blade itself was trying to pierce the sky. "I'd hoped for a better setting to unveil this ability, but I can't afford to keep wasting time here!" She raised her sword over her head, readying a vertical strike.
"Alright, you finally decided to get serious." Perseus raised his shield while the giant Medusa Head floated just above him, its glowing eyes ready to unleash another attack. "Then bring it on! I'll show you what a hero can do!"
"It doesn't matter what you are, I swore an oath on this sword as a Knight of King Arthur! For I am no king, but I follow in the king's path! I will destroy all that I must to bring the king peace! Clarent Blood Arthur!"
She swung the sword down, the massive blade of energy seeming to fall like a collapsing tower on its target.
Perseus roared in defiance as the Head of Medusa moved in front of him and fired its beams of light with all the power it could muster.
A wall of red energy appeared, forming a gash in the ground all the way to the stadium's edge. In its wake were the remains of a quickly disintegrating Medusa Head, sliced cleanly in half, and a bloodied Perseus, his shield destroyed.
"You're lucky I couldn't risk using its full power." Xenovia let out a tired breath, inhaling through her nose and exhaling through her mouth. "My King wouldn't approve of me destroying any part of the stadium which might have innocent civilians in it."
The only answer she received to this was a pained groan from the downed Perseus.
Xenovia turned her attention to the rest of the battlefield, noting that Sairaorg's Peerage had just about finished dealing with the other Hero Faction members fighting against them. Shirou had also put Siegfried down for the count which only left their leader, Cao Cao, to deal with.
'My King can help Sairaorg.' The Knight reasoned. 'I'll prioritize the civilians for now and dispatch as many of the foot-soldiers as I can.'
Her course of action decided, Xenovia rushed off for the nearest group of enemies.
Meanwhile, Sairaorg's fight with Cao Cao was coming to a head.
"Alright, are you ready?" Sairaorg asked Regulus.
"As ready as I can be. Just be sure not to misread things. I can't heal you if you get impaled."
"Just trust in my fists." The King assured while dodging another extended spear thrust.
He evaded a few more before jumping up and slamming his fist into the ground, the shockwave causing a large amount of rubble to fly into the air. But instead of falling all the way back down, it was launched forward by a roundhouse kick from the muscular teen. The air pressure from his swinging leg was so intense that it sent all of the rubble flying in Cao Cao's direction like a shower of cannonballs.
"Are you down to throwing rocks now?!" The spear wielder taunted while twirling his weapon to deflect the incoming projectiles. A flash of gold appeared in his peripherals and he whirled around to face his charging foe. Just as he was about to counter however, something unexpected happened.
He felt an invisible force slam into him, throwing off his movements. Cao Cao recovered and moved out of the way of a flying kick, raising his spear to strike his opponent's back. The armored teen spun out of the way while swinging his left fist towards the spear wielder's head. Despite dodging the blow, Cao Cao was still sent tumbling backwards by the same invisible force.
Sairaorg attempted to capitalize on this opening, but his opponent rolled up quicker than he expected and extended his spear at point-blank range.
It was more luck than skill that the Bael descendant was able to move and keep his head from getting skewered, but he still grunted in pain as the spear impaled the armor on his right shoulder and tore into his flesh. He responded by hammering Cao Cao with a left roundhouse kick, sending him flying several feet away. The pain in his shoulder kept him from pursuing his foe for a moment, the sting of holy energy adding to the damage inflicted.
"Are you alright, Regulus?" Sairaorg asked with slightly ragged breath.
"Like I said earlier, it hurts like a bitch." The Nemean Lion remarked, though pain was evident in his voice. "And while I'm not going anywhere, I'd appreciate it if we tried drawing this thing to a close."
"A few powerful blows should do it." His King surmised. "We'll just have to dance a little more."
He resumed his fighting stance and launched towards his opponent who'd similarly recovered and was also charging. This time, Sairaorg didn't try to deflect the spear with his fists, instead opting to dodge out of the way of Cao Cao's attacks. Unfortunately, the spear wielder noticed this change immediately and began jabbing even more ferociously at his armored adversary.
His dodging had already improved too. Cao Cao adjusted his movements and moved farther away from Sairaorg's punches and kicks, minimizing what few instances the muscled teen was able to get close enough to land a glancing blow.
"I should've known you could attack at medium range by extending your aura." The human mused while avoiding the latest of many blows. "It caught me by surprise when that invisible force slammed into me the first time. But that has to be tiring and the holy energy of this spear isn't doing you any favors. You'll likely run out of energy before I do."
He wasn't wrong, at least not entirely. The wound Sairaorg had taken earlier was slowing him down, causing him to use less focused punches. However, the spear wielder made one slight miscalculation.
"You think you can outlast me?" Sairaorg backed up and took a more aggressive fighting stance. "I'll take that bet."
The two notably handsome men ignored the suspicious screams of women somewhere nearby. They instinctively assumed it was due to the fighting, and nothing else.
Cao Cao smiled at the challenge before both roared and charged. This time, Sairaorg unleashed all of his Touki, surrounding his body in its protective coating as his fist met the enemy's weapon. The ground beneath their feet began to crack and crumble as a rain of blows continued to meet each other with incredible speed and force. Amazingly, Cao Cao found his spear couldn't penetrate Sairaorg's Touki, meaning he had to keep meeting him blow for blow in order to not take a hit himself.
'It's still the same situation.' Cao Cao told himself. 'I just have to outlast him. His Touki can't hold forever and when it breaks, his armor won't stop my spear.'
And so, he continued to assault his opponent while blocking his other blows, waiting for the moment when a sign of weakness would manifest. It finally did when Sairaorg punched his spear to the side and attempted to follow up with another strike but was too slow, and Cao Cao jammed his spear into his left side, tearing open that part of the armor.
He realized an instant too late that the cut was too shallow, and more importantly that Sairaorg's fist was still coming for him like an armored truck.
The spear wielder attempted to move back, but nearly stumbled.
Shit!
The muscled teen's fist slammed into his face at full force and sent him flying into the nearby stadium wall.
"So, are you ready to admit defeat?" Sairaorg asked between ragged breaths while holding his injured side. It really had been a gamble, dropping his Touki just enough to make Cao Cao think it was gone but keeping enough to prevent a fatal wound. He'd need to be extra nice to Regulus after this, considering he also took some damage from the gamble.
"The only thing I'll admit," Cao Cao coughed while pulling himself out of the crater in the wall, "Is that you got me pretty good back there. I didn't think you'd take the risk of actually letting a holy weapon injure you. Just a scratch is normally more than enough to kill most of your kind."
"If I was fighting at one-hundred percent, then I wouldn't have even started with armor on." Sairaorg revealed. "If you wanted a battle so badly, you should've just challenged us to a bout instead of pulling this trickery."
"You're assuming I'm in this just because I want a good fight." The faction leader almost laughed. "No, I'm here to destroy any and all threats to humanity."
"'Threats to humanity?'" The muscled teen repeated while raising an eyebrow inquisitively. "What are you talking about?"
"Fallen Angels, Devils, Dragons." Cao Cao listed off. "All of you and more are threats to humanity. Throughout history, it has been the duty of human heroes to slay the supernatural monsters that threaten the people, and as a descendant of a hero, the responsibility now falls to me to continue destroying beasts such as you."
"You don't know much about supernatural creatures, do you?" Sairaorg shook his head in pity. "There have been a few throughout history who have wanted to rule the world, but after centuries of fighting, most of us have decided we'd rather live our lives in peace. These days, a lot of us are just like humans trying to get by."
"And yet only a couple weeks ago, a Fallen Angel was attempting to reignite the holy war. And the constant threat of stray Devils stalking the streets at night is still prevalent."
"Those are outliers. Ones that were and are personally taken care of by us to ensure things don't get out of hand."
"But, inevitably, things will get out of hand." The Hero Faction leader held up his weapon. "That is why fate bestowed upon me the first and most powerful Longinus, The Holy Spear of the Setting Sun, the True Longinus. And with it, I shall put an end to you and all threats to humanity!"
He raised his Sacred Gear to the sky.
And then, a shattering sound was heard all around them.
"What?"
"It seems fate might have other plans." The muscular teen glanced up as the barrier surrounding the stadium broke and disintegrated. "Because I believe this puts things back in our favor."
It was true. With the barrier down, not only was communication possible again, but teleporting in and out of the stadium was also possible. Already, Cao Cao could sense the energy of teleportation magic from the locations where the civilians had fled to.
"But how? Georg had Bikou backing him up. They shouldn't have been found, let alone defeated so quickly." Cao Cao frowned in displeasure.
"It appears you underestimated the abilities of some of the other Peerages." The armored Devil smirked. "And very soon, reinforcements will be teleporting in. No doubt who or whatever Ophis is looking for can escape now, too. The battle is over, Cao Cao, you've lost this time."
"No." He growled, leveling his spear once again. "This day will not end in defeat. Upon the name of Cao Mengde I sw—!"
"That's enough, Cao Cao." A soft voice suddenly spoke from behind Sairaorg. The armored teen's eyes widened for a moment before he spun around. The next thing he knew, he was sent flying into the announcer's box before losing consciousness. "There has been a slight change of plan. Go regroup with the others."
"But I can still…" The leader of the Hero Faction grunted while trying to stand up.
"Our primary objective is the otherworld Issei," Ophis reminded, dusting off her hands. "I have also decided to capture Emiya Shirou as well."
She held up her hand suddenly, stopping the blade coming at her effortlessly before it could take her head.
"What is it you want with my King?!" Xenovia yelled while increasing the power output of her sword. Red energy was released from the blade, but if Ophis felt anything, she didn't show it.
"To feed me." The Dragon God answered simply.
Before Xenovia could ask what she meant by that, Ophis' other hand was in her face. The world spun as the Knight felt like she'd just been hit by a freight train, and she was sent careening into the stands.
'Did she just… flick me in the forehead?' Xenovia thought groggily as she tried to rise from her spot.
"Xenovia." Shirou's voice called to her as she felt herself lifted up so that he could examine her condition.
"My King…" She coughed. "She's after you… too."
"Don't try to speak." I ordered before signaling to someone she couldn't see. Asia and Ramiel appeared next to her, two of the latter's siblings having gone to get Sairaorg and Regulus.
"Get them out of here." I told Asia before starting my descent down the stairs.
"But what about you?" The blond asked in concern. "Are you going to fight her on your own?"
"I just need to stall her." I assured, summoning a pair of greatswords. They were actually one and the same, just in different periods of time. The first was silver and gold, bearing a similar design to my most prized sword. The other was the black-bladed version of the sword which had become corrupted by the wielder's madness and resentment.
The mighty Arondight, the sword of Lancelot before and after his fall. I wielded them both not only because they raised my parameters by an entire rank each, but also because the blade was designed to slay a dragon.
And right now, I would have to fight with the intent to slay the dragon before me if I was going to survive.
With that thought in mind, I leapt down into the arena where Ophis had been walking towards.
"Good, you're not running away." Ophis observed as we both stopped a few feet from one another.
"My Knight said you're after me." I began, my eyes narrowing. "And I'm pretty sure I heard something about you wanting me to feed you. What do you mean by that?"
"Isn't it obvious?" Ophis tilted her head slightly. I couldn't deny that it was rather cute. "I want you to make me food and feed it to me."
If there was a record playing, it'd be scratching right now. I blinked a few times in confusion, not sure if I heard her right.
"You want me… to cook for you?" I asked, making sure we were talking about the same thing.
"Yes." The almighty Ouroboros Dragon nodded. "I sampled some of your food earlier, namely the chocolate. That was you that prepared it, correct?"
"It was." I confirmed, albeit reluctantly. "I made a few lunches for Shirone. She eats an unbelievable amount for someone her size."
"Excellent." Ophis hummed. "You also have experience feeding big eaters. I take it you are also capable of making cookies?"
"It would be embarrassing if I wasn't." I scratched my head awkwardly, mostly due to still having a sword in my hand.
"Then you can accompany me back to the Dimensional Gap." She declared in her usual monotone voice. Damn it, someone so tiny shouldn't talk like that. "Do know that I will not hesitate to drag you there by force, so please, do not resist. I do not want to break you by accident."
"I'm afraid I can't do that." I denied, taking a fighting stance. "I'm needed here, and not just for my cooking."
"So you intend to fight." Ophis sighed. "I hoped that you wouldn't."
"Sorry, but what you plan to do endangers us all." I summoned multiple swords in the air above me and fired them while beginning a chant. "Reach to the edge of the world and go beyond its limit." Ophis clapped her hands together, creating a massive shockwave that blew away a large number of the projectiles aimed at her. "O distant king, witness this light!"
In an instant, the dragon girl was right in front of me, slowly stretching out her hand.
Even if she claimed she wanted me alive, all my instincts screamed that the oncoming attack guaranteed my end if it landed.
"Arondight Overload!" I dashed past her, feeling my blades meet flesh but not cut into it. However, that wasn't how the Noble Phantasm worked. As Ophis turned to me, the area where my swords had raked across her skin began to glow blue.
The light quickly intensified before becoming a shining explosion of lake-blue light that stretched across her entire body. However, I didn't let my guard down. Even if these were anti-dragon weapons, a being like Ophis wouldn't go down so easily.
"You possess weapons for immortals and dragons." She noted impassively, casually strolling out of the smoke with not a single scratch on her. "Were I any other dragon, then I might have felt that."
My response to this was to continue attacking, striking her with Arondight Overload again and again. The immediate area was bathed in blue light before I summoned and fired more swords, this time from multiple angles. Ophis leapt up out of the smoke, bending and twisting her body in a fashion that was somehow elegant and lazy at the same time to avoid the blades. I increased the number fired at her while dismissing Arondight and summoning my bow.
"I am… the bone of my sword."
I traced an arrow, but it wasn't Caladbolg.
"Steel is my body and fire is my blood."
A contorted black mass of metal was produced, looking more akin to a thunderbolt with a rounded end than an arrow.
"I have created thousands of blades."
This arrow was Hrunting, the blade of Beowulf, or rather an altered version created through the use of my tracing to be an arrow.
"Not known to death, nor known to life."
I continued my aria as I unleashed the projectile. Red magic energy enveloped it, turning it into a bullet which soared at Mach 10 towards my opponent. Ophis attempted to dodge it, but found that untenable thanks to Hrunting's ability to track its prey even after being parried, dodged, or repulsed.
It wouldn't be enough to beat her with how she was playing with me, but more than enough to buy me time for what I truly wanted.
"So I pray…" I spoke the last lines as Ophis fought off the blade with her hands before finally chopping it hard enough to destroy it. She then sped towards me, her face still neutral but her actions indicating the slightest possible sign of annoyance. "Unlimited Blade Works!"
In a flash, the entire area changed. Or to be more precise, a new area was created.
It was a landscape with giant gears turning in the sky, green grass, and the light of a gentle sun when the clouds weren't in front of it. But as always, the most striking feature about it was the endless number of swords and other bladed weapons planted in the ground, stretching out as far as the eye could see. And in the middle of it all was a small hill that I now stood upon, facing my opponent, who had stopped her advance to take in her surroundings.
"What is this place?" Ophis asked, looking around.
"In my world, this would be called a Reality Marble." I explained. "I've basically created a pocket dimension that contains all of the weapons I've ever traced and more. It was this same ability that allowed me to bring Sirzechs to his knees in our bout a while back. While we're here, I have full access to every anti-dragon sword in my arsenal simultaneously." I demonstrated my point by raising my hand, causing a half-dozen blades to spring up from the ground and hover above me, poised to be launched at a moment's notice.
Ophis' reaction was… unexpected.
"Unlimited Blade Works…" She repeated before a small but actual smile formed on her features. "Unlimited, unlimited…" The dragon girl threw her hands up in the air and squealed. "IT'S WONDERFUL!"
"Uh, what?" I asked dumbly, wondering if she had heard a word I just said.
"Unlimited, unending, eternally vast!" Ophis cheered while spinning and hopping around. It would have been adorable (and I couldn't pretend it wasn't completely) had I not known what she was. "I can feel it in this world, the presence of infinity! Oh, it's been so long since I've felt anything even remotely like home!"
"This feels like… home to you?" I quirked an eyebrow. "I mean, it does have infinite space to store all of the weapons I have but—"
"Exactly!" She chirped, suddenly right in front of me. Before I could take a step back, she grabbed me and picked me up, swinging me around like I weighed no more than a doll. "An unfillable, unending void with a silence that can only be disturbed by its master!" She let me down before hugging me and rubbing her head against my chest. "To me, such a place is paradise."
I was dizzy and beyond confused at this point. We were just fighting and now it was like she'd completely forgotten why I brought her here in the first place. And the entire shift in her personality, what was even going on? It was a question I would continue to ponder for several moments before she finally stood up and ran a short distance away before flopping down back-first onto the grass, sighing in contentment.
"Okay." I finally spoke after my eyes stopped spinning, "I'm, uh, glad you like my ability."
"It's amazing." Ophis praised while staring up at the sky. "I've longed to even feel at home for ages. I never knew there was anyone in this world who could make something like this, a place where I could relax like I used to in the Dimensional Gap."
"I never knew this place was that similar to the Dimensional Gap." I admitted while rubbing the back of my head. "I definitely never intended it as a place for relaxation."
"Tell me," she turned her head my way, "How long can you keep this… 'Reality Marble' thing up?"
"I can technically keep it going for a few days at maximum." I revealed. "But, thanks to mental exhaustion, the best I can usually do is maybe two days."
"That's not very long." Ophis pouted while sitting up. "But it's better than not having the feeling of home at all."
"Then maybe we could figure something out," I suggested, "All you want is to go home, right?"
She nodded.
"Let us help you. The Khaos Brigade doesn't have the resources or the strength you need. Give us some time and I'm sure we can find a way for you to return."
"The only way I can return home is through the removal of Great Red." Ophis reminded. "The four Maous are powerful, but I don't know if they'll be enough. They and the rest of the Underworld also fear dragons. None of them would want to help me."
"That's not true." I declared with a clenched fist, the thought of no one wanting to help (what looked like) a little girl stirring my Sin of Wrath. "I can convince Serafall to help, and she can convince the others. It might sound ridiculous, but she's in charge of diplomacy for the four Maous. With their help, we can find a solution for you."
"I already have a solution." She stood up. "Kill the Issei from another world and release Grandpa. His power is enough to force Great Red out of the Dimensional Gap."
"It's also enough to wipe out the entire universe." I pointed out. "Which is exactly what will happen if you wake him up. I can't let everyone die just because you're impatient to get home."
"It doesn't matter to me what happens to this universe." Ophis reverted back to her usual monotone voice. "So long as I'm able to return to my space of infinite silence. But don't worry, you'll be spared in order to be my personal chef."
And there was the biggest concern with the Dragon God's state of mind, and it wasn't the cooking part. Why she believed that a force that was strong enough to take out Great Red IN the Dimensional Gap would outright ignore her for waking it up in the first place was beyond me. The more I thought about it, the more I had a haunting feeling that Ophis wasn't as stable as she portrayed herself to be.
"You think I'd be able to cook for you in the Dimensional Gap?" I might have laughed if I didn't know she was serious. "How would I even accomplish that?"
"You have the power to create your own space of infinite weapons." The Ouroboros Dragon stated matter-of-factly. "I'm certain you can create a space with a kitchen."
"I don't have unlimited kitchen works." I sighed before getting serious again. "But even if I did, why can't we just find a solution that doesn't involve wiping out the entire universe?"
"You can try to reason with Grandpa if you like." Ophis offered. "But I've waited long enough already. Being confined in a finite world for centuries has taken its toll on me and each passing day I can feel myself slipping closer to madness. The one thing I would miss about this world is its food, but now that I've found someone capable of making it, I have even less reason to wait."
"So you've made up your mind." I sighed before holding my right hand out to my side. "It's a shame, I wouldn't have minded cooking for you. But I can't let you take away my King's world." I summoned the most precious of swords, a blade I treasured above all others: Excalibur. The blade shined as I held it above my head, projecting a tower of light that reached into the sky of my Unlimited Blade Works.
Ophis looked at the sword in awe, no doubt seeing what she truly desired most in this world.
"This light is the planet's hope." I declared while gripping the weapon with both hands. "Proof of the life that illuminates this world! Behold! EXCALIBUR!"
I swung the blade downwards, the tower of light falling onto the Ouroboros Dragon, illuminating the entire immediate area. My Reality Marble seemed to shake as it impacted with its target.
The gears stopped turning, slowly fading into nothingness along with the sky. Likewise, the ground of my inner world began to fade as well.
Before long, it was all replaced by the now ruined stadium grounds of the Rating Games Arena.
That had taken a lot out of me, but surely it had bought enough time to—
"PUT IT BACK!" Ophis yelled, suddenly appearing in front of me and seizing my shirt collar. "Put it back! Put it back! Put it back! Put it baaaaack!" She punctuated each demand with a slap to my face.
It didn't kill me, obviously, but even when I reflexively reinforced my face to the maximum it still stung like shit!
"Ow! Ophis, cut it out!" I tried to say between slaps.
In all honesty, I was terrified. This was a dragon deity slapping me and very clearly holding back more force than I could possibly imagine. Given how upset she was, however, I couldn't rule out the possibly that she'd accidentally use her full strength and slap my face so hard that my entire head would disintegrate.
"You're such a meanie." Ophis pouted, finally halting her assault but still holding onto me. "I wasn't done relaxing in there yet. And you went and showed me the feeling of home even more with that shiny sword! Now I'm even more homesick and it's all your fault! How do you plan on making up for this?!"
"Uh, well I…" I racked my brain for something that hopefully wouldn't enrage her further. "I think the kitchen area of the stadium is still intact. I can try and make something for you there." I gave her my best innocent smile. I reminded myself that every second I could stall her was another second Issei and everyone else could use to escape.
Even so, it's hard for one's pride not to take a blow when you're being threatened by a gothic Lolita whose head doesn't even come up to your shoulder. I was personally glad not many people were around to see this.
Or so I had thought before a sudden tornado of water surrounded me, tearing off the part of my shirt Ophis was hanging onto and propelling me away from her.
"That's no way to treat my Shi-chan!" Serafall yelled from the first row of stadium seats as she pointed her wand threateningly.
At least, it would've seemed more threatening if she wasn't holding me over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes.
"Who are you?" Ophis asked, looking like she was trying to decide whether or not to be annoyed. Even I could notice that her emotions were receding faster than normal the moment I was no longer the focus of her attention.
"I am Serafall Leviathan!" She introduced, her wand held aloft. "Maou, magical girl, and the only lady who gets to slap Shi-chan!" My King decided to emphasize that last point by slapping my ass with her wand.
"Gah! Seriously!" I yelped, my cheeks reddening a little. "Saving me is fine, but don't use it as an excuse to hit on me! Or hit me!"
"But it's been forever since I was this close to your ass." Serafall feigned innocence.
The worst part about that statement was that I could instinctively tell that it was an outright fib and I didn't know why!
"Just put me down." I groaned. Thankfully, she complied so I could stand next to her.
"If you are a Maou, then perhaps you can tell me where the otherworld Issei is." Ophis decided to speak up. "Give me him and Shirou and your lives will be spared."
"Sorry, but giving up the man I love isn't an option." The Maou crossed her arms defiantly. "You'll just have to be content with Issei."
"It's like I've been trying to…" I did a double-take. "Wait, did you just say she could have Issei?!"
"It's fine." The voice of the otherworld Issei announced as he casually emerged from the entrance. "I discussed it with her just a moment ago and we agreed this was the best move to make… under duress."
We all pretended to not hear him mutter that last part under his breath.
"Then you're ready to release Grandpa?" Ophis asked, her expression shifting ever so slightly.
"Nope, just the part about me showing myself." The Sekiryuutei corrected with a helpless shrug. "I'm willing to play bait for everyone else's sake."
Chack. Chack.
The coil around his left arm recoiled heavily, and the sound somehow echoed around the stadium.
I only noticed one of his feet shift the slightest bit to the right—
"EXPLOSION!"
—and he was gone.
"BUT YOU'LL STILL HAVE TO CATCH ME IF YOU WANT THE PRIZE! LIKE HELL I'M ADDING A SECOND PSYCHO YANDERE TO MY LIST OF LIFE MISTAKES! LET ALONE A LOLI!"
Ophis merely sighed at this before also seeming to disappear, and the chase was on with bits and pieces of the stadium shattering like glass all around us.
I was about to join in when Serafall placed a hand on my shoulder, stopping me.
"He says he can keep her busy for a few minutes." She explained. "Just long enough for the evacuation to finish."
"Do you have a plan for getting him out?" I asked, keeping my eyes on the two individuals literally blitzing around the stadium so quickly and erratically that I doubted anyone they did come across in the madness could tell what happened, let alone who was behind it, save for maybe some of the older and more experienced Knight pieces that remained.
"So-tan will be ready when the time comes." My King assured. "As for everyone else, we've ordered them to evacuate. Rias, her and So-tan's Peerages will head back to your place."
"What about the other Maous? Are they okay?" I desired confirmation more than anything. If any of them had died, then Serafall wouldn't have been slapping my ass when she showed up.
"The leaders of the Old Satan Faction thought fighting us in an area where we had to limit our power would work." She smirked proudly with her hands on her hips. "But even limiting ourselves, we were too much for them. The moment the barrier broke, they hightailed it."
"Then Ophis really is our only remaining problem." I observed, clenching my fist. The strategy being employed might seem sound to a degree, but there was one problem: if Ophis caught the bait, we'd all lose.
Naturally, none understood that issue better than Issei himself as he continued to Boost himself and race around the arena.
"You're only delaying things." Ophis stated plainly, popping up behind her target—
"EXPLOSION!"
—and narrowly missing a swipe at him as he shifted his foot by the smallest of margins and using his Sacred Gear at the last possible moment to avoid her entirely.
"All I have to do is catch you and it's over."
"You're saying that as if I don't know it." Issei deadpanned while continuing to dodge and warp around the dragon girl's repeated attempts to capture him. "Fortunately, this isn't the first time I've done thiiiiis?!"
As soon as he said this, he stumbled over a piece of rubble and went rolling into a wall like a cartoon character, something which might have gotten him caught if not for the fact that Ophis also tripped when missing her latest swipe and rolled face-first into some of the stadium seats.
"I think my inability to catch you at the moment has more to do with me being rusty than your evasion technique." Ophis didn't grumble while getting up and brushing some of the dirt out of her hair. "It's been a long time since I've used this level of speed for a sustained amount of time."
"We're both rusty." The otherworlder grunted as he stood back up, biting back a remark about how her inability to catch him said more about her sloppiness than his. "Your other-self used to chase me around every morning for a while as morning exercise to get back into practice in case she had a chance to throw hands with Great Red again."
"A pity she didn't follow through."
"Yeah, yeah, I get it. Everyone wants me dead and or gone. What else is new?" He made no effort to hide the annoyed and exhausted tone in his halfhearted muttering.
"That, I'll succeed." Ophis stated firmly.
"And yet I'm still here." Issei wasn't convinced.
As soon as the two finished dusting themselves off, they vanished, and the chase resumed.
'I know I probably sound confident and everything,' Issei thought while bouncing around the stadium at speeds even many trained warriors would have a hard time keeping up with, 'But it doesn't change the fact that this is fucking ridiculous! Why, of all the worlds for me to wind up in, did I have to be dropped into one with an evil Ophis that actually is motivated to be active?!'
'Who knows? Even I have given up on trying to make sense of your absurd luck, Partner.'
'Now is not the time to rip on me, Ddraig!'
Sure, he was probably one of only a handful of people in this entire stadium, let alone region, who could keep her occupied for longer than five seconds, but that didn't mean this sucked any less!
And eldritch gods save everyone if he screwed up and actually had to fight Ophis to buy time and get out of there. That was a disaster and aftermath he did not want to imagine.
'Damn you Shirou and your delicious food and eroge protagonist magnetism! If Ophis hadn't suddenly locked onto you, then I wouldn't be out here right now!'
He'd been counting on her innate laziness to dictate nearly all of her decision-making, hoping she'd just leave once the barrier went down under the assumption that he'd already escaped. But no, she just had to find some of Shirou's leftovers and now the Dragon of Infinity was after both of them.
If this didn't scream FML, then he didn't know what did…
No, wait. He actually did. He just didn't dwell on those possibilities and risk fate making everything even worse.
'Good news is I still have some cards to play to drag things out.' Issei remembered before literally warping the movement of his body to narrowly duck under a swipe at his head.
A swipe that effortlessly cleaved the wall behind him in half.
And then came a second that would have cleaved him in half as well had he not employed some of his more creative means of dodging, looking very much like a dorky swaying dance mixed with the tango.
An almost comically bad chain of unsexy sways and sashays, each magnified to move Issei's body and avoid bodily harm, extended his life as he continued to avoid grab after grab in probably one of the more peculiar dances to the death to take place anywhere in the last decade.
'Just need to find the way to—'
At least for a while.
Issei's face paled as he finally felt a grip on his arm, stopping his movement cold.
"Uh-oh."
WHAM!
"So annoying." Ophis muttered with some emotion before swinging him around one-handed and slamming him to the ground, or rather through it.
Pain assaulted the Sekiryuutei's body as he speared through several floors before finally impacting at the bottom level of the stadium.
"Ow." He groaned, managing to get up and rub his now aching head.
Not quite how he planned to get down here, but at least it's a step in the right direction.
"Still alive." Ophis observed while landing with a light tap on the ground nearby, "I really am rusty. It's been a long time since I've had to kill one of Ddraig's hosts, so I underestimated how many Boosts you used. To have so much trouble with one not even using a Balance Breaker is vexing."
"If it makes any difference, I really am actually an irregular outlier as far as Boosted Gear users go." Issei responded with a pained groan and lazy wave as though her attack was only a mild, half-hearted blow. "Stacking Boosts for max effect and all that is kinda my gimmick. My Ophis never used her full strength on me either, but I got a fair idea of the usual amount of force she exerts normally."
What he didn't tell her was that he had on occasion pushed her to her pre-full power limits. But that was when he wasn't rusty as hell either. No need to tempt her with an easy win.
"Then I'll simply need to exert more." The Ouroboros Dragon stated simply before swiftly moving forward, prompting Issei to disappear in a blink as well.
The maze of hallways that ran beneath the stadium was more or less a blur as they rampaged through it. It was only thanks to Issei's heavily Boosted perception and reaction time that he didn't accidentally run into one of the walls or take a turn too sharply. Ophis, for her part, hadn't been kidding when she said she was using more force as she obliterated anything that came into physical contact with her.
This time, every missed swipe generated a blast of air that cracked the walls and shook their foundations. Whenever she hit a wall by accident, the entire section of hallway would crumble.
From an outside perspective, the entire facility appeared to be under assault by a chain reaction of explosives running rampant all over the titanic building with no genuine pattern to go off of. The speed that they were going off at was all but impossible to keep up with, and most would likely assume even after the fighting ended that it was just another terrorist measure the Khaos Brigade had set up before their assault had even started.
Little did they know, no bombs or magical discharges were needed to demolish the stadium. The Ouroboros Dragon was doing just fine accomplishing it by sheer happenstance with her bare hands.
'Just a little further.' Issei told himself, not daring to even blink as he continued his high-speed evasion. After what felt like several minutes, from his perspective, the otherworlder arrived at the hallway he sought.
Without missing a beat, Issei activated a communication seal, then warped to the side to avoid certain decapitation. "How's the evacuation?"
"Nearly complete." The Sitri Heiress informed. "All we should need are a couple more minutes. I can pull you out at any time now, so just give me the signal when you're ready."
"Alright, just need to do one last thing." The Sekiryuutei responded and looked around warily. "Be ready."
'Wait a sec, where did Ophis go?'
At that moment, he made a slight but critical mistake: he slowed down.
The floor in front of Issei exploded.
Issei clearly saw Ophis' hand reach up and shifted to the side, barely avoiding it. Unfortunately, his momentum was still going and he basically rag-dolled across a familiar lengthy pathway before crashing through a door and into the far wall of an empty room.
"That's twice now I've gotten where I needed to go by crashing into it." He groaned as he felt a headache coming, but nonetheless put his hand on the ground, casting a spell he had planned out before the chase started.
"So you also possess magic." Ophis noted, strolling into the room and observing his healing wounds. "That's white magic repairing your body. It seems you were fortunate enough to be born into a family that actually has a connection to it as opposed to your counterpart in this world."
"If you count having a disposition so terrible that I can only master and creatively use the fundamentals, sure, why not?" Issei coughed while sitting up.
By his world's standards, his natural affinity for nearly every form of magic save pyromancy was hilariously poor. It was only with cheating his growth rate to Hell and back (literally in some cases) with the Boosted Gear and years of intense studying that he was considered "barely above average" in white magic, and that was with his exceptionally high level of knowledge in theory and application taken into account. Most high-power cost spells and ones that required exceptionally fine control would forever be outside of his ability to perform without some form of assistance or workaround.
In gaming terms, he was a character with near abysmal spell and MP growth rate, but still somehow had put in the absurd effort and resources to currently have an absurdly high spell mastery level for his class and barely average MP reserves that restricted him from casting any of the more intense spells out there.
To sum it all up, he was better at "using" white magic than most mages, but he was naturally terrible in comparison at "casting" it and worked mindlessly for years to be just "average".
"It occurs to me that I'll have to keep your body 'screwed up' for a short time." The dragon girl put a hand to her chin in thought. "It would be a shame if I let Grandpa out and he accidentally kills my new chef."
"About that," the otherworlder decided now was the best time to play one of his cards and slowly picked himself up, "Auntie O has knocked me around a few times, so I'm not really interested in living through that again. And running around again isn't that appealing either. So I'll distract you with something else now."
"I doubt it will be as successful as your ability to run away." She was right on top of him, hand ready to strike.
He didn't so much as flinch as he met her eyes. "There's a reason why the dragons here are going feral. And it's not because you're all wild hormonal shits with egos."
Her hand froze.
She looked at him for any sign of falsehood, but did not see any. "You speak as though there is a difference between us."
The fact that he had her attention meant that it was an issue that she herself had once considered possible.
The fact that she had stopped meant that she had given up finding it, but not that she had outright dismissed its existence.
She was already ensnared in his play. Now all he had to do was drag it out.
"Your severely degenerating state isn't just because you've been stuck in a finite world. Mismatched environment or not, your core is stronger and more stable than that. Both in power and concept. Plus, you're still an aspect of the world. Infinite and Nothing are not foreign concepts. Ill-fitting for this environment, but not an absolute mismatch. The counterbalance you're experiencing shouldn't be that intense. You've been out of the Gap for what, a couple of millenia at most? That is not enough, shouldn't be enough to push someone like you to this state this fast."
The biggest glaring light had been the fact that her emotions surfaced too easily. No, she showed too much emotion, manifested too much emotion to begin with. Their two brief encounters exposed more feelings from her side than almost a decade's worth from her counterpart's.
She was supposed to be a Dragon GOD, a force of reality and nature in the form of the strongest beast, but she's been reduced to a mere DRAGON God, a member of the strongest beasts with the powers of a force of nature.
To the masses, that didn't really feel or matter much, but to those in the know, the fact was damning.
"You're saying that there is something else at play? Another factor I did not detect or identify?" Ophis didn't want to believe what this child was claiming was true… but she knew deep down that his theory was not without foundation. She had pondered on occasion just why she had been losing herself at such a concerning rate. Why her kin had been slowly losing their minds and slowly going more feral with every generation.
The change in the boy's demeanor was different. His body, relaxed on the pile of rubble, seemed to somehow behave as though he was sitting on a throne. His normally glazed and unnaturally exhausted eyes had a glint of sharpness to them, the refined glow of a fire that was not so easily blown out flickered in the background. Instead of a fighter, she felt like she was facing down a scholar giving a lecture.
Petty lies and shallow games no longer held a place in this conversation.
Issei nodded. "There's a degenerative catalyst in this reality attuned to dragons. An agitant. Constantly numbing active cognitive thinking and luring subconscious instincts to be the predominant decision maker. Essentially turning our kind into primal beasts as a standard. By all rights, your limit should still be almost a full millennia from now, bare minimum. Just like your counterpart. I could accept some of the dragons here being more wild than normal, that's understandable. But you? Being impatient didn't tip me off that something was seriously off here. Rushing like you are, did."
"What proof do you have?" Ophis's eyes narrowed at the potential revelation.
He waved his armor-clad left hand lazily. "You have already witnessed it yourself. You're already aware your counterpart is nowhere near her limits. And my Ddraig is not as insufferably rabid as the one you have. I have witnessed the same discrepancy in Tiamat and Albion. The Dragons here are disturbed, Ophis. Agitated. Endlessly provoked. Control does not come to them nearly as easily as it should. And they don't even know it."
"You fail to explain yourself. You are as wild as most of our kin here."
"My madness is a separate and personalized disaster in its entirety. If I was born and raised here, and events played out the same compounded with the catalyst's exposure, I would have justifiably been put down like an insane beast before I hit puberty." The teen's mocking scoff held no mirth. He was absolutely confident and certain about his current unstable state of mind.
"A pity. You could have used this so-called anomaly as an excuse for your embarrassing disposition."
"You insinuate I'm pleased or proud of this anomaly. Make no mistake, Ouroboros, this may not be my world, but even I have my limits on what I'm willing to overlook." Issei's eyes did not so much as twitch, his tone eerily calm and even. Clearly, her comment ticked him off.
Her hand raised menacingly. "Ignorance or not, you have only granted me circumstantial proof. You have yet to grant me any true evidence."
A brief chuckle of amusement left the teen's lips. The sort of expression that an elder would make when their endearing junior made a simple oversight and required help. "I don't have anything physical on me, but I do already have a very strong idea where the source is. And if it's not there, I possess the means, skills, and resources to zero in on it in short order. So long as I'm not interrupted by distractions."
He was mocking her.
The Dragon God that had been slowly degenerating over the millennia, unknowingly falling apart without being aware of it. And this whelp that had not been in her realm for even a cycle of the moon had not only already identified the problem that had evaded her notice the entire time, but even the source.
And here he was, waving it all in front of her like bait in front of a wild animal while claiming she was in her own way.
It was humiliating enough that she would have killed him just to ensure his silence.
"Where?" Her tone brokered no negotiation, for once showing genuine anger at something other than the target in front of her. The very weight of her lone word was more than enough to kill lesser mortals just by hearing it, and its utterance cracked the walls, floors, and foundations of the abused room they were in.
Issei merely snorted dismissively as though she was a child having a tantrum.
"Don't bother. If my initial guess is right, then it'll be too much of a chore for even you to try and muscle through it quickly. I have an easier way to get around that headache, and already plan on addressing it myself soon." If his abrasive words were intended to placate the angered God, then it had the opposite effect as her hand moved to strike.
Again, he insulted her, dismissing the power of the Infinite as easily as breathing and fully meaning it.
Fortunately, his words weren't intended to placate, and Issei smirked before activating the seal beneath his distracted pursuer's feet.
Ophis faltered, looking down in mild surprise as the cloaking spell her prey had used to conceal the teleportation circle disappeared.
"You think this will delay me?" She looked at him coldly, about to break through the circle—
Chack. Chack.
"EXPLOSION!"
Right before Issei boosted the spell to activate and complete its functions in a nano-fraction of the time it was supposed to, engulfing a surprised Ophis in a bright light.
When it faded, she was gone, locked away in one of the alternate dimension Rating Game arenas for the tournament.
"And what was I doing this entire time? Seriously." Issei sighed, finally alone and allowing himself to sag against the rubble. He'd give the slightly modified and improvised dimensional jail about a minute, maybe two before she burst out of it. "Fuck, who am I kidding? She's actually pissed this time. Thirty seconds, tops."
Dealing with Ophis in any reality was not good for one's heart.
He pulled up his communication seal. "Feel free to get me and the others out of here now, please. Thanks."
Moments later, he was transported out of the room and to the location of the other Peerages. The remaining groups teleported soon afterwards with their own spells right before Ophis burst out of the arena she had been trapped in.
"So it comes to war then." Ophis stated with a small frown as she detected the absence of her enemy. "So be it."
Shirou's House
"Just about done." Karasuba noted, examining the sword she had been polishing.
It had occurred to her on the way back to her home that coming in covered in blood and missing her shoes again probably wouldn't go over well with her mother. It had been hard enough convincing her the last time that she wasn't getting bullied. Thankfully, she remembered where Shirou's house was and had a key that he'd given her.
'He probably won't mind that I'm borrowing one of his shirts until mine is done in the wash.' She mused. 'Then again, I'd probably borrow it anyway even if he did.'
It was then, as if on cue, that a summoning circle appeared in the middle of the living room and dumped the entirety of Shirou, Sona, and Rias' Peerages onto the floor. Oh, and the other Issei too.
"Ow, I think we overcrowded the circle a bit." Saji groaned while lying on the ground among a heap of limbs.
"Oh, hey guys." Karasuba greeted with a closed-eye smile. "You're back awfully early. Did something happen?"
"The Khaos Brigade led by a vicious dragon murder loli attacked." The otherworld Issei responded simply from the bottom of the pile with only one hand sticking out and visible. "There were explosions and screaming of the civilian kind."
I looked down. "Are you okay? You don't like being touched."
He gave a thumbs-up. "Don't worry. I can barely feel anything from stalling Ophis. You still have a good four minutes before I flip my shit."
"Wonderful." Sona grunted from near the top of the pile.
"Wait, those explosions going off all over the place at the end were you?" This world's Issei balked in surprise, a reaction shared by some of the others in the pile.
"More like me not dying, but otherwise yes. On a side note, ow."
"Damn it, seriously?" The grey-haired girl responded in slight exasperation. "Why do you guys get to do all the awesome stuff?"
The otherworlder didn't seem to be amused by her reaction. "I think your Queen has a thing for murder lolis." He snarked to Shirou. "Seek help."
"Her and my sister do get along very, very well." I replied before standing up. "But now, we've probably got a whole load of new problems to deal with."
A sentiment which would turn out to be another in a long line of understatements.
And so the tournament arc, if we want to call it that, has come to an end and with it the beginning of a much larger conflict between the Khaos Brigade and the Underworld! What will our heroes do against the dragon of infinity? We'll find out next time so in the meantime feel free to leave a comment or review about what you liked/disliked or if you've got any neat ideas for future chapters. Also, remember to check out my new Pat reon at : / www . pat reon MaskedSpider581! Tune in next time as our heroes prepare for the biggest war the underworld has seen in centuries! 'Til then.