A Messenger With White Wings

Hello everyone and welcome to the latest chapter of I'm Too Sober For This! First, some unfortunately sad news. For those who haven't heard the legend himself, Akira Toriyama, passed away several days ago at the age of 68. For many of us, Dragonball and Dragonball Z were our first encounters with anime and this is just the tip of the iceberg as Toriyama's influence on pop culture can be felt even to this day and cannot be understated. Many of us have learned a lot from him and hopefully many more will also learn and be inspired by him. Sayonara, Toriyama Sensei, you will not be forgotten. Now on a lighter not, and with no guest review questions to answer, we shall proceed to the story.

The Underworld: Bael Castle

Zekram Bael.

One of the oldest living Devils in the Underworld. Whether or not he was the oldest living Devil in history was rather difficult to say given that most Devils never made it to the natural end of their admittedly impressive lifespans. They lived for centuries, to be sure, but due to the almost constant warfare that plagued the Three Factions in the past, more often than not a Devil would be killed first as opposed to simply passing away.

Zekram's long life was a testament to his cunning and power as he had the foresight to support Sirzechs and the other current Maous in the usurping of the Old Satan Faction's rule, recognizing the need for change if their race were to survive.

But only a fool would mistake his support of them for altruism.

He was a Devil, after all, and like many Devils he always had a scheme in the works. The four Maous, while grateful for his aid, had also come to terms with the knowledge that Zekram Bael was not to be trifled with and that it was better to have him as an ally rather than an enemy. It was for this reason that the Maous had insisted Shirou fight in the Young Devils Gathering, but the elder Devil had strongly suggested it.

The reason he gave was to help bridge the gap between Pure-Blooded Devils and Reincarnated Devils by demonstrating that Reincarnates were also capable of possessing great power. A noble goal on paper, but Zekram's motives were likely far less pure than that. More than likely he wanted more information on just how Shirou's powers worked and how he fought in case he needed to take down the "strongest Queen" later. Which is why Serafall and a certain visitor were currently approaching the castle of the Bael family.

"You really couldn't find me a better disguise?" Issei asked as he adjusted the red Ninja Turtle mask on his face.

Raphael? The perpetually raging meathead? Seriously? He knew he wasn't Leonardo, but at the very least give him Donatello or Michelangelo.

"I have a large assortment of cute outfits." Serafall reminded, completely missing (or simply ignoring) his biggest issue with the cover. "But outfits meant for intimidation aren't my style. I let my power and abilities as a Maou handle that. You should be happy Shi-chan's rabbits have so many of the same outfit and that I'm full of spells for resizing clothing."

"You couldn't have just given me a hoodie, or a cloak?" The otherworlder asked.

"Remember, Zekram knows me better than many other Devils." The Maou pointed out. "If we're to even get past the door without raising suspicion, you need an outfit that looks like something I or Shi-chan would pick out. You can ditch it when the moment arrives if it's that annoying for you."

"Not like the guards could stop me either way." Issei sulked. "Fine, I'll put up with it for a bit longer."

Fortunately for the both of them, the guards didn't ask too many questions about Serafall's new "guard", accepting the explanation that it was just a necessity under wartime conditions. As they entered, Issei glanced around at the architecture and shape of the castle.

'Looks about the same as the one back home so far.' He mused.

In this case, it meant the castle was gigantic, robust, and magnificent. As the seat of the Bael family's power, both banners and battlements adorned its numerous towers, a gigantic courtyard filled with flowers of the rarest variety, including a purple one which had been on the verge of extinction. Naturally, a veritable army of winged guards patrolled the skies, the grounds, and the halls. Their armor bore the giant yellow B, the Bael clan's insignia, along with markings that denoted them as the elite among the soldiers who served the clan.

If those protections weren't enough, Issei and Serafall had to pass through more than fifty barriers before even entering the castle itself. All of these defenses were the reason the castle still stood and could boast of never having been breached once, even during the civil war.

It was also because of these defenses that Issei had opted for this particular approach. Zekram Bael hadn't lasted this long without having numerous escapes and backup plans, so unless he could bust through with a frontal assault in seconds, the elder Devil would make a run for it.

"Lady Leviathan." A butler greeted them at the main entrance. "Lord Bael is finishing up with some documentation. He'll meet you in the main guest room shortly."

"Mortimer." She greeted back as they were led down the hallway. "How is work treating you? Have you been able to see your granddaughter lately?"

"A day before the attack." The butler answered. "Alas, thanks to the Khaos Brigade the workload has only increased. It's actually fortunate that you stopped by. Do you happen to have—?"

"Right here!" Serafall chirped, conjuring a purple magical girl staff with her name on it and handing it to the man. "I hope she likes the color."

"She'll love it." Mortimer assured before pulling open a large wooden door to a room with multiple fine couches and chairs. "Now then, Lord Bael shall be along shortly. I'll have the staff fetch you your favorite tea and snacks."

"I can always count on you to spoil me, Mortimer." Serafall complimented while dropping down to sit on one of the larger sofas while Issei took the chair closest to the door.

"Granddaughter's a fan?" Issei asked as soon as the butler was out of earshot.

"Yup." The Maou nodded with a pleased smile. "I've been meaning to drop by and give that signed wand to him for a while."

"You couldn't just mail it?" The otherworlder deadpanned.

"The best celebrities and magical girls do at least some in-person interactions with their fans. You know how far a little extra service can get you. And I couldn't miss the opportunity to say hi to an old friend?" Serafall smiled impishly. "Besides, it all works out for us too, doesn't it?"

"I just want to get this done and over with as soon as possible. Being here of all places… this isn't exactly my setting." Issei sighed, shaking himself out of whatever jitters were still festering and holding him back. "So are you ready?"

"I'm always ready! Time for Serafall's magical—" She twirled her wand, summoning up ice magic to form a sculpture. Or at least that's what it looked like until her face twisted and she suddenly inhaled. "ACHOOO!"

A blast of snow and ice flew everywhere, flinging all of the doors open and covering the room in a layer of frost.

"Lady Serafall!" A troop of guards poked their heads in the doorway. "Is everything alright?"

"Whoops, I slipped up a bit." She laughed while rubbing the back of her head. "I was just trying to make a few sculptures to pass the time but it looks like I need to clean up instead."

"Do you require any assistance?" One of the guards asked.

"That's sweet of you but no." She waved them off. "This is my mess and I'll clean it up. Just let me know when ol' Zekram is on his way."

"As you wish, Lady Leviathan." The guards bowed before returning to their posts. Thankfully, they didn't check the pile of snow on the chair Issei was in. They'd have found it quite vacant. Reports of strange noises would be filed later that day but would just as quickly be dismissed.

After all, the one the reports would go to would already know the reason. And he was currently finishing up his last bit of documentation.

o. o. o.

'Things are definitely picking up.' The old Devil hummed as he finished arranging the documents and put them in a drawer of his ornate desk. 'It hasn't been this busy since the last war.'

The door to his office remained untouched. Not a sound had been made, nor had any of his security barriers been triggered.

The Devil's pen stopped moving mid-sentence and he looked up.

"Zekram Bael. We need to talk."

It was the voice of a boy he recognized.

The uninvited guest went ahead and took a seat in the chair usually reserved for visitors to the elder's office without waiting for its owner's permission.

There was little presentation in the child's actions. No intention for an attack or body language of one intending to plead for a favor. Or for negotiations for that matter.

"Now isn't this a surprise?" Zekram put down the documents he had been invested in, laced his fingers together, and rested his elbows on his desk. "I'd ask how you got in here but considering you held your own against all the four Maou I shouldn't be that surprised. Tell me, was this plan dear Serafall's idea?"

Issei didn't answer. Instead, he simply stared at the elder with an otherwise stony visage.

"Bah. I suppose it doesn't matter. Tell me, young man, before we get started, is it true that you come from an alternate world?"

Again, he was met with silence. The elder merely interpreted it as confirmation.

"Dear Serafall and the other Maou clearly haven't been straight with me on this matter. I understand Ajuka is experimenting with a way to get you home and I can assure you there's no one better suited to the task. If you're here out of impatience, then I'm afraid there's little I can do to speed the research along."

The Sekiryuutei's eyebrow twitched slightly as though he saw the latest comment as more of an insult to his intelligence than anything.

Slowly, the young man closed his eyes and took in a very slow and deep breath in, and then out.

Zekram immediately recognized it as a common exercise used to calm oneself down. How curious for a Sekiryuutei to employ such methods before their infamous tempers ran rampant without being reminded by a third party.

"I'm not here for me." The teen stated plainly, opening his eyes once again.

"Not here for… ah, I see." Zekram leaned back with a sigh. "You're here on behalf of the Peerage that's taken you in. The fact that they let you confront me alone tells me that you've dealt with me before, in a manner of speaking."

"It wasn't a pleasant experience." Issei narrowed his eyes slightly. "If there's one thing I'll give the people of this world credit for, they seem more proactive in dealing with their own problems. I'm hoping you're not an exception to that rule, seeing as the current Lord Bael appears to only get on his knees for your advice once a fortnight here instead of daily back home."

"So you'd say the Zekram of your world was a fool." The elder Devil raised both eyebrows in question. The eerily specific comment about his descendant's behavior in the other world, and this one for that matter, was not missed.

Nor was it inaccurate.

The child was sharper than anticipated. He would have to be careful about how he managed the family's politics while the visitor was still here.

"Let's just say he wasn't as apt at raising and managing those directly beneath him as he liked to assume. Family included. You know how volatile pride, people, and politics mix at times." The Sekiryuutei held up his hand, a sheet of newspaper having appeared out of nowhere in it.

"I do. I suppose the bulk of my counterpart's shortcomings directly relate to educating my descendant improperly then. Or descendants?"

Issei didn't react to the probe and looked at the paper in his hand with an unreadable expression. The document had been edited in some places to hide key pieces of information that would only cause problems if spread in this world, but the bulk of it was still blatantly legible for anyone to see and understand.

Not that it mattered to him. He had read the damn thing hundreds of times by this point and could recite it by heart, even if he didn't want to.

"I've done some reading up on this world's history. Seems the Underworld suffered a Heavenly Dragon rampage some time ago that you call "the Valentine Incident." Something similar took place where I'm from, though it was far more recent."

Issei laid the newspaper article on the desk and slid it towards Zekram. The elder Devil picked it up and read through its contents at a leisurely pace.

For about two seconds.

The headline in bold letters made it difficult to maintain his composure, his violet eyes widened, even if imperceptibly. The picture that went with it didn't make hiding his composure easier.

The room suddenly felt far more quiet than it should have been.

His gaze slowly shifted upwards, seeing his guest in a new unpleasant light. "This was you?"

"Make no mistake. Had anyone here actually known what you and yours did to me, of our history, this discussion would not be taking place. The Maou would put in as much effort to keep me as far away from you as from the Ouroboros. It is because of that genuine innocence, and my debt to them, that what we have right now is still just a discussion. And nothing else… unless, of course, you decide to change it." Issei just as slowly leaned forward slightly, his tone soft and unwavering, and his glazed eyes flickered as though the haze was hiding something infinitely more malevolent and intense behind them.

Zekram's off hand paused just before tapping one of the emergency magic sigils under his desk.

A pressure filled the room, of a brand and quality Zekram hadn't felt in decades at least, yet it was alien at the same time. While the boy's appearance hadn't physically changed, and had yet to leave his seat, the elder Devil couldn't help but feel as if something much larger was currently occupying the space that was his study. It was as if a dragon far larger and more powerful than the norm was peering down at him, ready to stamp him out with just a movement of its massive claws or a swat of its tail.

And yet, all it did was look down at him quietly.

The fact that there were no growls, roaring, wave of power, uncontrollable emotions, or smoke only made matters worse. How a monster that massive could be so ominously quiet right in front of him only made the experience exponentially more difficult to bear with a collected mind.

Naturally, sweat began to bead down his forehead.

How long?

How long had it been since he had encountered or even heard of a truly enraged Dragon that possessed the self-control to keep itself in check without any external influence? To restrict the overwhelming impulses to burn and devastate everything around it unconditionally?

Not since the heights of the Faction War, when the Biblical God and the original Satan were still at large, at the very least.

Finally, Zekram laid down the newspaper article. He would not be able to read with the monster in the room anyways.

"What do you want?"

As quickly as it came, the pressure was gone. It took every bit of discipline the elder had not to gasp for breath as his instincts finally allowed him to relax.

The young man in front of him didn't so much as blink, only nodding slowly as though accepting the Devil's ability to stay calm under pressure for the time being.

Issei began slowly. "It's an open secret that you pushed for Shirou Emiya to be in the Young Devil's Gathering."

"Naturally, it was to lessen the rift between the Reincarnated and the Pure-Blooded Devils." Zekram nodded.

"A technically noble goal and tale for the media if you actually believed that." The Sekiryuutei bluntly stated. "The fact that you had to do the work to force him into the pony show yourself instead of using your puppet was telling. You couldn't risk a half-assed performance. You needed his participation. His exposure. You're scared of leaving him unchecked. Overwhelming exceptionalism is a double-edged sword, especially in the eyes of the public. The additional skepticism and open-ended attention, the unreasonable expectations he'd unknowingly put on everyone that tries to imitate what he did, the pressure and fanatical eyes picking apart his every move. All without you having to lift a finger, sign any deals, or call in any favors. He'll eventually become a poison to any cause he associates himself with. It's a cheap trick I'm more than familiar with."

The fact that Shirou was being used as an example for Sona's goal at face-value was a boon, but in reality a detriment to her cause.

Shirou's problem was the same as Issei's in that sense. They were both victims of their own success. Irregular abnormalities that could not be held to the same standards of others in their respective fields, or else problems would arise either with them or the field, or even the system itself.

The plan was practically playing itself in front of everyone's eyes, and yet nobody saw it.

Draw overwhelming public attention to Emiya.

If he underperformed, Sona's plans for facilities to train and elevate half-breeds and new Devils would die there. If he overperformed, focus on that above everything else. Make Sona's project a footnote in comparison.

Use him as the standard for all the other half-breeds. Overwhelm the budding system that Sona was only just implementing and gaining support for. When it was the topic of conversation, don't focus on the endorsements, only on the underwhelming outcome and results and compare them to Shirou.

Show that nobody has come close to Emiya's level. Use it and Emiya as an example that exceptions do not prove the rule. Rile up the eventual underperformers and failures of the system. There were always failures in projects like this. Make them disappointed. Turn their anger on the system for not living up to expectations. Feed it. Fuel it. Draw attention to the discourse and unrest. Draw attention to Sona's project.

Make it collapse in on itself. Show everyone the bottom line.

And thus the status quo would fall back into place.

All in all, it shouldn't take much longer than a decade at most for it all to transpire. And with little effort at that outside of some basic media manipulation and gossip-mongering.

The only reason why Issei's happened so much faster was due to the "sensational disaster" that jumpstarted and accelerated his freefall to the abyss and back at record speed.

"Shirou is useful muscle to keep the public order and bolster the Devils' military strength now, but you'll throw him under the bus the moment it becomes more advantageous to do that than support him. Not to mention the obvious way you're stringing him and Sitri up without them knowing. I'm not having it."

"So you want me to leave him be? I have no intention-"

"Of exposing the failing system barely maintained by the existence of the remains of the 72 Pillars?" Issei cut him off coldly.

The room had been quiet before. Now it was ominously cold.

"How much do you know?" Zekram all but whispered.

"More and less than you think. Changes by the day. Three years of tweaking and investigating the system comes with some insight that others don't have." The teen didn't so much as recognize the old man's change in behavior. "Some new patterns showed up here. Others that should be, didn't."

"Nonsense. Even if the Heaven of your world's standards have fallen, they would not let someone like you so close to something they'd guard above all else."

"You'll find once you do your research on me that I am a curious sort with a diverse range of useful skills and resources. Even in a foreign world."

For the briefest of moments, it looked like the Sekiryuutei was about to say something at the end of his statement instinctively, but barely managed to hold his tongue.

It was probably for the best. This wasn't the location to go on another tirade about the might and reach of the porn industry.

"Seeing as we are having this unexpected discussion in the first place without half my employees assaulted or even alarmed, I am willing to believe that you aren't completely full of it."

Issei let the insult wash over him. He was more than aware that he was difficult to believe at times. "Quite a few things are different here, Devils being the ones imposed with innate cardinal Sin allocation instead of the Fallen is an interesting twist. Angels being tied to the cardinal Virtues I can see, because they were literally made that way. But if that's the case, why would the Devils be tied to a similar system if they were supposedly all natural as opposed to their artificial counterparts? That doesn't seem possible unless someone fucked up cataclysmically. So badly that there are no records of a time where they weren't tied to this curse. It simply doesn't make sense now, does it?"

No. It didn't. And he had put in significant effort into ensuring that those that asked questions never brought it up with others.

"It would be a real shame if I had to stay longer than needed and kill some time satisfying petty curiosities while political bullshit held everyone up. Why, I might even talk to someone about it eventually. I already happen to have a couple of suspicions as to how this occurred, and neither are particularly flattering."

"For someone that pretends to be an indifferent neutral party, you don't seem to mind playing with the idea of ruining our kind out of spite."

"No. I'm more the sort that enjoys making fun of the fools trying to keep a sinking ship afloat with a bucket. The sorts that spend more time hiding problems instead of solving them. The problem is, a few people I actually like are also in said sinking ship."

"I'm certain you are aware of how differently one can define "solving" a problem."

"Certainly. Though, I find some are synonymous with intentionally spinning a wheel in place endlessly under the false assumption of progress and success. Grand gestures that ultimately do nothing and lead nowhere. Rather pitiful, really."

"Some would consider staying in place preferable to the alternative." The old man advised.

"If staying in place for centuries on end is a success, one would have to question the judgment of the powers that led to that state in the first place." Issei riposted one of the oldest and most politically influential Devils in the world.

Zekram grit his teeth slightly at that backhanded comment. Even if it applied more to the original Satan and Maou than him, it still heavily rubbed him the wrong way.

"So you consider yourself a progressive."

The Dragon scoffed as though amused by the insult. "No. Just observant. I couldn't care less about the rules and politics of your kind. I do what I want when I want. Society has no factor in it. Nor have I qualms up and moving to less troublesome lands if needed. I'm only stepping in now because I owe a debt and you are a potential annoyance better dealt with sooner rather than later. Lest I have to stay and deal with more nonsense before I can get back home."

"Well then, I should be thankful that revenge is not high on your priority list." While he spoke that in jest, the elderly Devil meant that from the bottom of his heart as he resisted the urge to look at the paper in his hand.

"You should." The teen agreed, dead serious. The unspoken "or else" was heard loud and clear.

"What else do you have to say then?" Scared or not, Zekram was no fool, and he could tell the boy wasn't either. Warning and threatening him to stay out of Emiya's way was a reasonable stick, but he had yet to hear about the carrot. Ultimatums can only get you so far in politics. "You have reasoned some of my reluctance to Sitri's goals and aspirations, as admirable as they are. What they risk."

The Dragon snorted as if mocking him. "So head off the risk itself you fool. Not Sitri."

The Devil blinked in genuine interest. "Elaborate."

"It isn't Sitri's fault that her plan will eventually expose what you've been trying to hide since God up and got himself killed off-screen. You haven't even contemplated the possibility that her goals might very well lead to a passable patchwork solution to the greater issue."

"Ridiculous. The 72 Pillars were chosen for a reason."

"And more than half of them have died off for significantly lesser reasons." Issei's words stabbed the elder without pity. "If you can't find enough bloodlines that fit the requirements, make more. All major powers and legacies start from nothing, and new potential manifests all the time for those that actually bother to look. That's not even counting the dozens of "lost" legacies in the Underworld that can work just as well with a bit of work. Refining a bloodline to a passable quality shouldn't take more than three generations so long as you work each member right. Stop whining in the background like a child and being picky, fool."

Zekram scrunched up his face, clearly not appealing to the thought. "Make legacies? You propose we breed our kind to make artificial nobility like farm animals?"

Too bad Issei didn't buy it for an instant. "Stop pretending to be insulted. Half the population was getting aroused at the idea of a child between Gremory and Phoenix and their potential abilities. The only difference between them and everyone else is that you fools already treat nobility as practically an entirely different species compared to the rest of the populace."

The Devil's look of disgust and discomfort dropped instantly. "Hmph. It's been a while since I spoke to someone that had the capacity to put even that much together on their own. So… endorse Sitri's plan to identify and refine candidates with potential? Work with her and ignore the threat to the societal stability that has kept our people in line for millennia?"

"I propose you don't add to the shitshow going on while I'm still here. Whatever is done with what I've told you is of no consequence to me, just do it not when I'm still around." Issei waved him off. "You got through one major civil war with Super Devils fighting each other while the other two factions were watching for a moment to strike. This should be child's play in comparison. Stop complaining."

"I thought you were here to help Emiya."

"What part of "Don't make things worse while Ophis is out being proactive" didn't you understand?" Issei spoke slowly.

"And what of after Ouroboros is placated?"

"Does the idea of me being proactive sound any better?"

"No. It does not."

"Then wait until after I leave before being an insufferable politician again." The Dragon stated bluntly.

"You know it is not that simple. War is coming, if not already here. Ouroboros has seen to that. I am one of the leaders of my people, if in the shadows. It is my duty to allocate manpower and resources to where they are needed the most. And Emiya is, like it or not, one of the greatest resources we have."

Issei scoffed lightly, and stood up. For a moment, Zekram believed he had pushed too far, defying the monster's desires. However, he was mistaken as instead the guest turned to walk out the room.

"Stop hiding your bad decisions behind the excuse of necessary evils. You're just trying to find a way to control everyone's moves and benefit from this mess like every other idiot playing war behind the scenes. Don't overreach your authority. This time's different. You're just distracting the people that matter from getting things done."

"Hmph. Spoken like a child. Every time a major war erupts, they always say that this one's unique from all the others."

"And when was the last time that Ophis actively participated in a war, much less started one?" Issei lifted an eyebrow.

Zekram, admittedly, didn't have an answer to that.

Mostly because the majority of conflicts that involved the Dragon God couldn't even be considered "wars" as they were better defined as "disasters that resulted in literal genocide".

"You should know better than most that trying to set up politics and forces of nature in a fight always ends up with nature winning. Shirou's knee-jerk idiocy and Ophis both count as the latter. They're already expected to collide against one another regularly at this rate. Whatever bullshit you're planning is hilariously redundant at best, and will backfire outlandishly in everyone's faces at worst. And even I shudder at the idea of how events will turn out when both of our respective lucks start twisting everything when in conjunction. And they will."

"You sound confident that Leviathan's Queen will willingly throw himself directly into the line of fire. Only a suicidal fool would willingly stand up to that monster. And only the absurdly unfortunate are capable of doing so more than once."

For once, Issei's impassive demeanor cracked just slightly, giving way to a chuckle of knowing amusement. "Heh. That sounds about right."

"I suppose you are speaking of another bit of insight I am woefully unaware of." Zekram was clearly not amused.

And like that the mirth was gone. "Something along those lines. If Shirou's gonna end up on the frontlines it's gonna be his choice. The idiot will probably beat you to the punch before you even get a setup going."

His point made, Issei turned to leave, seeming to disappear once he opened the door before pausing.

"And before you get any ideas about still trying to be smart with Emiya or me while I'm still around, I want to be absolutely clear about something. What stopped me that day… it wasn't the Maou. In fact, it unfortunately doesn't exist in this world. I already checked."

It was only after a full minute after the unexpected guest had departed that Zekram finally let out a shaky breath and collapsed down into his chair. He then looked at the article one more time, noting the picture.

It was the home of the Bael Clan.

A castle. An effigy. A national monument that has survived and endured the Devil Civil War with barely a scratch to its walls. The one from the other world no doubt would and should have been as ideal and momentous as his own.

However…

The main glaring difference between the two, was that half of the one in the picture was missing. Utterly destroyed and set ablaze with an inferno that peaked well above the remaining towers that were still standing.

Worse still was above the photo, the confirmed body count in big bold letters across the front.

The Valentine Incident had been an absolute bloodbath, but the number on that paper… was not that of a city, but of an entire region.

On a side note, he wasn't informed until later that day that someone had somehow stolen roughly a third of the showerheads in the castle that afternoon. He decided it was best not to investigate or even think of the matter.

o. o. o.

The Day Before: The Home of Shirou Emiya

"It's certainly been a minute." Irina noted cheerfully while seated on the couch next to Xenovia. "When I heard about what happened at the Rating Games Arena I was really worried."

"I did have one close call." The blue-haired swordswoman admitted. "But other than that, it wasn't anything I couldn't handle."

"You got flicked in the forehead by Ophis herself." I deadpanned. "Saying that was a close call is putting it way too lightly."

"WHAT!?" The Vatican girl exclaimed while pushing up her friend's hair with her hand. "Are you alright?! Your brain hasn't suffered any injuries, has it?"

"Would we even notice if her brain suffered any injuries?" The otherworld Issei asked while reading through a magazine from his world.

As per the usual, I found it better not to ask what the main product was.

"I'm fine." The Knight assured, not seeming to notice the offhand comment. "Asia fixed me up right there. One good rest and I'm good as new."

"I can still examine your brain if you want." The blonde Bishop offered. "Never can be too careful with head injuries."

"I hope you don't intend to crack her skull open to find out." Kuroka commented.

"Of course not." Asia waved dismissively. "You're supposed to saw heads open to look at brains with specialized tools. Though one of Shirou's swords would probably do better. Do you have a saw blade, Shirou?"

"I am not letting you within ten feet of any bladed weapon I make." I deadpanned. "I already fear for my life whenever you use sharpened kitchen utensils."

"I eviscerated one turkey." Asia defended.

"A turkey that was supposed to be our dinner!" I exclaimed. "I was going to turn it into a work of art but you turned it into Frankenstein's Monster!"

"I was testing my Sacred Gear!" She insisted innocently, "I wanted to see if turkeys do the same thing as chickens with their heads cut off."

"Potentially yes, if you aim high enough. But that's because of the general way a bird's central nervous system, brain, and skull are set up." Issei turned a page, completely ignored at this point. "Fates forbid she manages to pull off another Miracle Mike though. Last thing everyone needs is a mostly headless turkey running around for a year-and-a-half."

"So go to the place where they kill the turkeys." I urged, my voice a slightly higher octave as I tried not to raise it while trying to drown out Issei's comments. "Don't go around collecting organs from fresh food places and road-kill and putting it in—"

"Alright, I think we've gotten a bit off-topic." Sona replied. "While Rias is not here quite yet I think it would be wise to go ahead and tell us why you're here, Shidou-san."

"Oh, you can just call me Irina." She gave a slight bow to the Sitri Heiress. "We're all friends here, so we don't need to be so formal."

"If I recall, you sucked at being formal." Karasuba suddenly announced. She'd been sleeping up to this point, hence her still being in her pajamas, and no one had wanted to try waking her. "But then again it was a long time ago, so maybe my memory's foggy."

"KARASUBA!" Irina cheered, practically leaping up to hug the silver-haired girl. "It's been so long! I'd heard you were back and I've been meaning to visit you and Issei for a while now. How have you been?"

"Nearly blew myself up, went on a beach retreat, salted a dragon, kicked the crap out of some wannabe tough guys." Karasuba shrugged. "It's been an eventful couple of weeks."

"Yeah, I was surprised when I learned how involved you and Issei were in the supernatural." Irina nodded. "I always knew you were strong but wow. By the way, where is Issei?"

As if on cue, a red teleportation circle bearing the crest of the Gremory family appeared in the middle of the room. Two figures materialized from it: Rias Gremory and the one they'd started calling local Issei.

"I apologize for being a little late." The crimson-haired Devil began. "I had to go and pick up—"

"ISSEI!" Irina again cheered and leapt across the room, engulfing him in a hug that also squished his face against her bosom. "I'm so glad to see you're okay! Have they been treating you well? I heard you got a Sacred Gear! You haven't been attacked by any exorcists, have you?"

"I'm fine." He mumbled, fighting a massive blush as the chestnut-haired girl finally loosened her hold enough for him to breathe. "But more importantly, are you okay? It's been forever and I've heard all kinds of things like you're an exorcist and have a freaky sword now."

"Oh you must mean Mimic." Irina pulled a silver ring off her arm which transformed into a katana. "It's pretty neat, but after Kokabiel I've been trying to get something more powerful from Lord Michael."

"Hold up." The otherworld Issei interrupted. "Two things: one, I just realized I never mentioned that I wasn't the Issei from this world. How did you know I wasn't him?"

"What sort of childhood friend would I be if I didn't recognize the actual Issei?" The exorcist girl asked back cheerily.

"Ouch, this Issei still has feelings, ya know."

"Too bad it doesn't go both ways." Karasuba remarked. "Issei had no idea she was a girl until just a couple weeks ago."

"Wait, Irina? You mean you're that Irina?" The otherworlder asked slowly. "The boy-next-door childhood friend?"

"And I see that idiocy transcends dimensions." Karasuba was not impressed.

"Yeah, I never mentioned I was a girl to Issei." She rubbed the back of her head sheepishly. "I was going to, but then we moved away. Is there an Irina in your world?"

"Yes." The foreign Dragon Emperor stood up in an almost dreamlike state. "One sec."

He quickly proceeded out of the room and up the stairs. It was probably for the best we only heard every other word that echoed across the building.

"Motherfucking Community College Associate's Degree-level dumbass! Dumpster fire spit-roasted shit sandwich of a half-assed football fanatic, shoved in a festering dickhole of a donkey show centerfold! FUUUUUUUCK!"

He came back down soon afterwards, took a seat with a steadying breath, and calmly straightened his clothes. "Sorry about that interruption, please continue."

"Whoa, even Nee-san can't get him that pissed that fast." Our Issei blinked in genuine surprise.

"Don't tempt me/her." More or less everyone in the room deadpanned.

"I think the next major question anyone has is, did you tell Michael what's going on?" I asked, getting us back on track before the rampage of colorful vocabulary gave Asia any ideas.

"Oh yes, I don't work under the Church anymore." Irina revealed, moving to the center of the room. She then struck a pose as white wings sprouted from her back and a halo formed above her head. "I'm a Reincarnated Angel now, under the command of Lord Michael himself!"

Naturally this garnered various reactions ranging from surprise to quiet contemplation.

The foreign Issei blinked in mild interest. "Huh. I guess that means they managed to iron out the kinks in the card system back home by now too. Neat."

Card system?

But the oddest reaction was from local Issei who reacted by hiding behind Rias.

"Issei, what's wrong?" Irina asked, trying to approach her childhood friend.

"Perhaps you should put the wings away for now." Sona suggested. "By the sound of it, we've had a number of revelations today." Irina nodded and did as suggested. "And while it has been a roundabout way to get there, I assume your purpose here is to deliver the Angel Faction's answer to our request for a meeting?"

"Oh yes." Irina clapped her hands together. "Sorry to do this in such an indirect way, but I couldn't pass up the chance to see my friends again. Lord Michael is, thankfully, very understanding and he has agreed to the proposed meeting. All he asks is that it be held in neutral territory and that you let us know when we should arrive."

"We can arrange that." I assured. "I'll let Serafall know when she officially wakes up."

The Maou had, amazingly, remained asleep even after Irina's arrival. I'd had to very carefully pry her off of me and put her back into my bed since at that particular moment I didn't know whether or not this was just a social visit.

"I got it." Said Devil girl suddenly called from my room. "I'm texting Sirzechs and Ajuka now!"

"You know you can come in here and—mmf!" I was stopped by Sona placing a hand over my mouth while giving me a pleading expression. "I mean, take your time."

With everything happening lately I sometimes forgot that she didn't always like being in the same room as her sibling. That or she knew something that we didn't and I wasn't brave enough to find out what that might be.

"Now, are there any other messages you'd like us to know about?" Sona asked Irina.

"No," she shook her head, "But if it's alright I would like to visit with my friends. I haven't seen them in ages."

"So long as you keep your holy powers to yourself I don't think we'll have a problem." I shrugged.

"Thank you!" She cheered before putting an arm around both local Issei and Karasuba. "So let's catch up!"

Headquarters of the Khaos Brigade

"You're looking better." Vali commented from his spot against the wall of Ophis's room. "I heard Sairaorg knocked you for a loop, Cao Cao."

"I would've ended that Devil if Ophis hadn't interfered." The spear wielder growled. "And the barrier would've still been up if that cat of yours hadn't betrayed us!"

Said Ouroboros Dragon was, in fact, in the room with them, but she was currently not acknowledging their presence. Instead, she was sampling a myriad of foods from the Brigade chefs. So far she'd given one-syllable answers to everything they'd brought her, all of them negative.

"Kuroka always cared about her sister above all else." The white-haired teen shrugged. "I thought it might be an act which is why I sent Bikou along. Turns out, she was serious about leaving us and while punishment would ordinarily follow failure in your group, I've got no reason or intent to punish him. After all, you got your war, and I've got a better chance at finding a strong opponent to fight."

"Is that why you haven't activated the magic seal on that stray's body?" Cao Cao narrowed his eyes. "You might not care as much about the Brigade succeeding, but you at least need to set an example for your other subordinates."

"Bikou, Arthur, Le Fay, and the others don't have the same issues as Kuroka." Vali waved dismissively. "They're more aligned with my goals. And I couldn't use the seal on Kuroka even if I wanted to. Her new friends were very thorough in their checks to make sure we weren't using her as a spy. It was removed during their inspection."

"Then she's nothing more than our enemy now." The Hero Faction leader set his mouth in a grim line. "If we encounter her on the battlefield, don't show any mercy, because I won't."

"We'll just have to see what happens." The White Dragon Emperor smirked ever so slightly. "Is that all you wanted to say?"

"We're moving on to the next phase." Cao Cao moved towards the door. "All my faction members are ready and the Old Satan Faction is prepared to call on us. Be sure that your team is on call as well. You'll get your opponents to fight but only if you follow orders."

"Better make sure I receive good orders then." Vali snorted. "I'm not the only member of my team who'll become temperamental when bored."

The Home of Shirou Emiya: Shortly after Issei Confronts Zekram

"That's one less potential backstabbing asshole to deal with." Issei announced as he walked through the door. "You can thank me by making another Emiya meal."

"You sure?" I asked, poking my head out of the kitchen. "I can probably have Serafall grab you a better laptop or something."

"Getting the chance to knock one of the elder Bael down a peg or two is its own reward." The otherworlder waved off. "If you need me I'll be my room. I have experiments to conduct with newly gained spoils."

Yup. Nope. Not even going to ask.

"Alright, but if you do think of something let me know." I called before returning to my spot at the stove. My Peerage and sister needed to eat and there was a hungry Shirone around here somewhere that undoubtedly needed feeding too.

As for Issei, he made his way back towards the stairs before stopping as an excited Irina nearly ran into him.

"Oh, sorry." She apologized with an embarrassed smile.

"Are you still here?" The Sekiryuutei raised an eyebrow.

"I couldn't just leave after not seeing my friends for so long." Irina laughed as if he'd just said something silly. "And I wanted to meet their new friends, too. We had a lot of fun getting to know each other, especially when we found this little guy." She held up a familiar white, squirrel-looking creature.

"Fou." The little animal with a blue cape barked. Expectedly, Issei's pupils shrank to the size of pinpricks.

"How cute." Issei squeaked while trying to hide his trembling and failing horrifically. "Where did you find him?"

"Asia said he must've followed you all back from the beach house." The angel girl recalled. "He's probably from the Familiar Forest."

"Or freaking Avalon." The otherworlder muttered under his breath, not breaking eye contact with the monster in the girl's arms.

"Oh, something I've been meaning to ask." Irina recalled. "Do you still have an Irina and a Karasuba in your world?"

"I did have a childhood friend named Irina who looked and acted similarly to you." Issei confirmed. "But I got lucky and was an only child."

"It's a shame you and Karasuba don't get along." The former exorcist mused. "I feel like you could help each other a lot. You're both Red Dragon Emperors, after all."

"She had her chance to help the me of this world and instead made his life a nightmare." Issei narrowed his eyes. "I'm pretty sure she wants absolutely nothing to do with anyone or anything called 'Issei Hyoudou'."

"I guess it would feel that way to our Issei." Irina admitted, "Karasuba was never the best at leading by example. Now that I know about her Sacred Gear, her behavior changing the way it did makes complete sense. I think the reason she pushed our Issei so hard at first was because she was afraid. Have you met the Hyoudous of this world?"

"I've done my best to avoid them." The foreign Issei responded, something distinctively evasive present in his tone. "That's a whole bit I really don't want to try dealing with for a whole list of reasons."

"Well they're both here." The brown-haired girl began. "But her father is missing his arm. I'm pretty sure he lost it when Karasuba first manifested her Sacred Gear. I can only imagine how scared she'd have been after that, living with the thought every day that she might accidentally snap and kill everyone she loves. Issei was probably the one person she thought she could count on, and she got angry when he gave up on things just because she was better. It's just speculation, but maybe Karasuba needed her brother to be stronger than her and decided to leave once she found out it was impossible."

"Of course it was impossible." The otherworlder grunted. "She has a Longinus, one of the original thirteen Sacred Gears and one of the most powerful dragons. Plus "Issei Hyoudou" as an existence has a different, more passive disposition as a dragon than she does. And… she wouldn't have known any of that because the hemorrhoid dragon in her arm didn't tell her shit. Still, that berserker could've done better. For someone that likes to pass herself off as observant and aware of her situation, it was blatantly obvious that the other me wasn't going to be able to keep up with her, Sacred Gear or not."

"Maybe." Irina nodded. "But Issei also could have said something, too." Issei raised an eyebrow, but she paid no heed and went on. "Not everyone's good at helping people. Now that Karasuba has friends, I'd like to think she'll get better at it. Anyway, I should get going. Lord Michael will probably be needing me soon."

"Before you go," Issei stopped her shortly after she walked past, "Tell me something. The Issei of this world, is he just a friend to you?"

"He is right now." The Angel girl's eyes became a little downcast. "I don't know why, but when I showed everyone my wings he got scared. I don't want him to be scared of me." She hugged Fou to her chest. "I want…what I've wanted for the two of us ever since I had to leave."

"Then you should know he isn't scared of you, specifically." The foreign Issei turned to her. "It was a Fallen Angel who killed him before he was reincarnated, and more or less his first real exposure to all of this. That memory is still sticking out like a nail, but I can tell he wants you badly. Just understand that his dragon instincts may make him a bit aggressive at times. With you and others. We, some breeds, can be particularly driven, when it comes to the things we want."

Irina's eyes widened, and an odd feeling radiated from the otherworlder as the air around him seemed to change slightly. She didn't know how she knew, but she could tell that this Issei had been restraining himself. Actively denying himself in a way that was related to his advice, even if he clearly didn't like it. She might not have understood precisely how much, but she was certain it was no small degree either.

Then, as quickly as it had appeared, the feeling was gone and the foreign Issei continued on to his room.

Irina had plenty to contemplate on her way back to the Angel Faction.

The Next Day: Kuoh Park

"I wish you'd told me this thing was still here." Karasuba commented as she, I, and the otherworld Issei made our way along the park's path towards a grove of trees. "It would've been a better spot to deal with those Khaos pricks."

"I didn't think they'd send anyone to the human world with the Rating Games going on." I admitted. "And I didn't figure any of them would have the patience to march all the way out here if they did."

"I shouldn't be surprised Serafall has something like this and yet, I can't help but find it a bit out of left field." Issei grunted as we pushed our way past some branches, stepped over a few roots, and arrived at a clearing.

It was here that our destination lay: a sapphire magic circle with interwoven lines so complex that only an expert stood any chance of deciphering it.

"Serafall loves her little sister and the things she loves." I shrugged. "Either way, it'll make for the perfect training area. So, are you both ready?"

"I'm set." Karasuba stepped onto one half of the six-yard-wide circle. She'd hesitated a bit when she and I had used the circle but now she didn't even bother checking for the slightest sign of a trap. She was either that confident in me or that confident she could break out of any trap our enemies may have set.

"Let's get this over with." Issei sighed as he stepped in on the other side.

"Remember, this is training." I reminded. "You can nuke where you're going if you want, but you'd both better come back in one piece."

"You heard the man." They both said in unison, one with a closed-eye smile while the other wore a frown.

I simply rolled my eyes before putting my hand on the ground and channeling my mana into the circle.

Blazing sapphire light erupted from the magic circle in response as it fed hungrily on what I was providing it. Unlike last time, I knew the exact amount it required and shut my eyes as the light became too bright.

When the light finally faded, I opened them back up and stared at the spot where the two Red Dragon Emperors had been.

I could only hope I didn't regret this. Because if this backfired, a fake city getting destroyed would soon be the least of my problems.

And so one of the major behind the lines issues has been dealt with. Now the challenge is how much of Shirou's peerage is gonna be intact before they even see their first battle? As for the next chapter, it is not actually being written by me but by Third Fang and will naturally feature a rematch between Karasuba and GAIWP Issei. Also, for those wondering about Zekram's motives, Third Fang took some liberties in the editing with those as they were never outright stated by Fahad in ADLH. And I'd like to give a shoutout to my first $10 dollar patron: Raekwon! If you're reading this, know you can ask me for a commission now! Last thing for the rest of my audience, stop in next time as two dragon emperors tear up their surroundings like there's no tomorrow! 'Til then.