Lost In Purple
Chapter 52: Can't Keep Up
Melanie's POV
Dreaming has become a curse recently. Every time I close my eyes, I find myself staring out into that valley that's been set ablaze, engulfing the environment in it's overwhelming heat. The torrent that rages above creates a dark fog that begins turning the flames purple and sends down large droplets of water that don't extinguish them. The wildfire moves closer with each second that passes, devouring the bark on the trees, leaving behind a collection of ashes in its path, and making me start to panic when I realize that I can't move. My body simply stays frozen, forcing me to look at the destruction that inches closer to the vines that reach down off the cliff and wind up underneath my feet. Its reminiscent of a time bomb, but there isn't an apparent way to stop it. I want to scream out for help, but it's as if I don't have a mouth or any vocal cords; I'm just a wooden puppet that's waiting for it's demise. I can feel a presence next to me, unable to move as well. I feel like it's Johnny based off of his size, but I could be wrong. A part of me feels like this is all familiar but at the same time it's not. The whole dream is terrifying and I don't care if it is familiar at this point, I just want it all to end.
I luckily no longer remember what I'm seeing. It's like I suddenly obtained a lapse in my memory, a block of nothingness that replaces all the processes in my head, and I don't know if I should be thankful for that or not. I feel my conscious return to normal as I involuntarily open my eyes to see the bright spring morning peeking through the windows curtains. My body is twisted up in my beds blankets, making it hard to move when I attempt to stretch my legs. My back is sore and my breathing feels irregular. I clearly had a nightmare that I can just faintly recall. I can remember there being purple fire, rain, and my ability to breathe being inhibited by an otherworldly source, but nothing else. Thankfully I have the time to calm down since it's Saturday today, meaning I don't have to go to class today. I think I'll take the day off entirely since what happened last night was extremely upsetting, and I can't help but feel furious with Johnny. I never would have thought that he could be that cruel to people who are different from him. I know he's pretty vain, but I didn't think he was so vain that he would intentionally outcast others. Reliving all of that in my head only makes me feel sick again, so suppressing those thoughts is the only option I have.
I'm able to get all my blankets situated before I throw my legs over the side of the bed and feel them crack. My back still remains sore, so I bend it back to see if that will make it feel any better but nothing changes. When I stand up, I feel my vertebrae shift and crack as loudly as glass shatters, sending a small sting through my spine, but I'm alright in the end. I'm feeling a little cold this morning, so I check and see if there's some sort of draft before grabbing my cardigan and throwing that on after switching out of my pajamas and into some clothes. When I exit my room, I see that everything in the living room is back to normal, couches and everything, almost as if the Scare Games Mixer never happened. Little does everyone know that I will never forget that party for a completely different reason.
"Melanie!" Chip shouts from the kitchen.
"H-hey Chip," I respond while trying to be as casual and natural as I can.
No matter what I do, I can't seem to forget their malicious smiles as they tortured those poor Oozma Kappa boys. It's disappointing that they were all in on it, and they all condoned it.
"Come on down, we haven't seen you forever! Have you been sleeping this entire time?!" Chip asks as he waves at me to come downstairs.
"Um…I literally saw all of y-, wait why are saying that like I've been gone for days? It was only yesterday that we had the mixer," I state in confusion.
"…N-no that was on Friday. Today is Sunday. We think you slept all day yesterday," Chip replies worriedly.
I felt an onslaught of embarrassment hit me along with more confusion. I've never done that before in my life, mostly because I always get a good nights sleep no matter what's happening. It's not like I was awake for the entirety of the Mixer either, I'm pretty certain I only fell asleep at around eleven o' clock which is normal. Is Chip messing with me?
He then pulls out his phone with furrowed brows. "Yeah my phone says it's Sunday, and I specifically remember Johnny going upstairs yesterday to check on you but he said you were sleeping. Are you okay? You're not sick are you?"
"N-no, I'm all good. I guess I've just been a little tired lately…hehe," I spout while power walking towards the stairs.
I get a little dizzy when I take a couple steps down and I have to grab onto the railing to keep myself from toppling over. There's an uncomfortable wave of heat that courses through by body, making me feel slightly nauseous when the heat reaches my head. I don't know why but I somehow have a habit of getting really close to cracking my head open. If I didn't have good enough reflexes, I totally would have been in trouble. I can tell that I'm extremely dehydrated and partially malnourished, but I don't actually feel weak or unable to breath or anything like that. The whole front side of my body feels kind of sore but that was because I was sleeping on my stomach for more than a day. I guess sleeping for that long will have some unfortunate side effects for someone like me.
That atrocious feeling eventually subsides, and I take the last few steps back down, hoping that I don't end up creating more unnecessary chaos in this house. I unintentionally swing to the side, peering into the living room to see if Chip is still in looking out from the kitchen, but he and the others in the kitchen have obviously moved on to something else, forgetting about what they did at the Mixer. I put my hand to my head and close my eyes. I want everything to be okay again, but there's a part of me that makes it seem like nothing will be. I feel like I don't know any of these boys anymore. I thought they were calm, collected (for the most part), and understanding. Now they've shown me that they're cynically manipulating, inconsiderate abominations that are driven by dogmatic principles their families won't let them forget about. I begin panicking, feeling my breathing become sporadic as my dizziness becomes exponentially more intense. I have to grasp onto the handrail with more than an iron grip to stay upright, taking a couple seconds to notice that the front door has swung open. Johnny's silhouette inches closer after shutting the door.
"Hey Mel…You alright?" He asks sweetly.
At least to me he sounds sweet. For all I know, he could be faking that just as well as his personality. I still can't make myself look weak, because god only knows what will happen if I'm not. "Y-yeah. I…I think I'm dehydrated. I apparently…um, slept the whole weekend."
"Yeah, you did. I actually thought you died in your sleep until I saw you breathing in bed yesterday. At least we won't have to take you to the doctors," Johnny states as a matter of fact. Johnny then stomps further into the house before turning his head back to me. "Stay there, I'll go get you an energy drink. Unless you'd like some water instead?"
"N-no…an energy drink sounds better," I answer weakly.
When he disappears, I slide down onto the stairs, keeping my head held up by both of my arms as they rest on my knees. I hate how I'm just letting Johnny get away with everything he did, and letting him get away with acting like he had nothing to do with anything. The fact that he can just walk around with a smile on his face only makes me feel a roller coaster of emotions. Rage, despair, revulsion, regret, everything that negatively impacts my psychological well-being. I'm spiraling into insanity now, I can feel it. Do I forget that this ever happened just like them, and try my best to live normally knowing that I could have done something about this? Or maybe I emotionally say something and end up making all the RORs feel betrayed, therefore losing the only friends I ever had? Were they actually my friends though? Were they maybe just using me to make themselves more intimidating? I hate paranoia so much!
"Here. It should kick in after a few minutes," Johnny says after sitting down next to me with a blue colored energy drink.
I grab it after noticing that my hands are shaking uncontrollably. "Thanks," I sigh.
Johnny wraps his arm around me and pulls me close. I remember that I never really cared when he did that, but now I wish I had both the guts and strength to push myself away. I don't see him the same way anymore, and I'm sure many others would feel the same way if they weren't power tripping. However, all my life I've been told to just suck it up when something I don't like happens, so I don't do anything in response.
"Are you sure you're doing alright? I'll admit you look exhausted…and it's only ten in the morning on a Sunday," Johnny questions.
"Y-yeah… just tired and…um…confused," I reply, "Are, uh, you ok?" I ask while still attempting to remain casual.
"Oh I'm fine, it's just been one of those weird mornings that I have every now and again. Had an odd dream last night but I can't really remember what it was about now," Johnny replies.
Interesting. I had a weird dream as well, and I can't remember any of it either. I guess it's been an odd weekend for the both of us. For him a little less so, but he's allowed to have some bumps in the road. Life doesn't always go the way we plan it to which was proven to me on Friday night. Man... I really got to stop thinking about that.
"Anyways, once your done drinking that, I feel like it would be a good idea to get you out of the house. I think having you stretch your legs and maybe even work on your stamina a little bit might do some good," Johnny suggests.
"W-work on my stamina?" I say while scratching my head.
"Yeah. I noticed that you got really tired after running away from the librarian during the last event, which could be a detrimental weakness in the human world. Going for runs every now and again will help your body sustain its exertion, and most importantly, keep you from danger," Johnny explains.
Wow, I'm not feeling well and the first thing he does is indirectly tell me that I wouldn't last 5 minutes in the human world. I should have saw this coming since Scaring is his life blood. I inevitably have to live up to his expectations if I'm to even speak with him, so I guess I have to do this.
"Come on Princess, we'll just take a leisurely stroll once you're feeling normal again," Johnny directs as he pulls me up to my feet.
I feel my dizziness fade as I chug down a couple more gulps of the energy drink, but can't help but feel tired still. My legs are going to inevitably burn after this aren't they?
We have only been out and about for ten minutes and my lungs, along with my feet, feel like they've been flattened after running the whole northern part of campus. The air still has that post winter crispness to it, so I'm freezing just a tiny bit and it only feels worse when my limbs swing in various directions, generating some wind chill. I ended up feeling normal after slowing to a walk, just behind the library and in front of the School of Science. I tried my best to let Johnny know that I'm not interested in running, but I let myself get peer pressured into doing something I don't want to.
All the blues, greens, pinks, and purples on the trees have returned, giving the campus it's beautiful glow that it had last semester. It's definitely spring, and I didn't figure that out solely because the flowers on campus are blooming. Everything feels like how it was at the start of the school year, and it brings back a sense of nostalgia for me. Nostalgia doesn't make all the pain dissipate though. My lungs are a solid few miles away from collapsing, and my joints are beginning to lock up because of all this exercise. This is one of the down sides of being a hermit, not being able to catch up with the Scaring prodigy that has to turn around every few seconds and wait for me. Every 2 strides Johnny makes is about 8 strides for me, and what makes it worse is that he's not even breathing heavily.
"You can do it Mel, I believe in you," Johnny encourages.
"Ca-can we please t-take a break?!" I pant in pain.
I can tell that Johnny doesn't really want to do that, and continues jogging in place once he stops a couple feet ahead of me. "What do mean take a break? We haven't even made it halfway!"
"J-Johnny please! If anything, I'm going to pass out because your pushing me too hard!" I exclaim desperately.
"Ok ok. I know it was a long shot to have you exercise this morning, I just can't have you slacking. How about we walk to the clock tower and take a seat on one of those benches around the pond?" Johnny asks.
Oh yeah. I forgot about that place. The last time I was there was when my parents called me for the first time since starting college, and before Faust ended up becoming one of my first enemies. Aside from those borderline depressing memories, I did enjoy just being one with nature over there, so that might make me feel a bit better. "Ok," I continue panting heavily, "As long as you'll let me rest longer than ten minutes."
"Sure thing," Johnny smiles.
When I finally end up beside him, he pulls me close to him again, and walks slowly with me until we reaches the iron gates that open up to that amazing pond that's surrounded by various sizes of rocks, bushes, and trees. I also remember the very gorgeous fish that swim around in there, and I hope to maybe see a couple of them while we're here. We walk around towards the back of the pond, finding the exact bench that I sat on those many months ago, and relax. My limbs crack a little bit when I do sit down, and I can't help but sigh in both pain and pleasure afterwards.
"Sorry Mel. I figured it would be helpful to take your mind off of everything. You just seemed a little shaken up and upset," Johnny states.
I appreciate that he tried to make me feel better, but running for the sake of 'making me better' kind of negates all the good that comes out of this.
"It's fine. It's just that running isn't something I would ever really want to do on a Sunday," I reply while slumping down until I feel myself hit a comfortable position.
Johnny reaches up to scratch my head, and crosses his legs while he leans back as well. "Um… since everything's calmed down, may I ask if you're willing to participate in the next few Scare Games events? Boggs is willing to give up his position for you if you'd like to officially join. Not to mention that everyone wants to see more of you."
What is happening?! Why is everything about Scaring and getting attention now? Why is everything about the Scare Games and my performance in them? What happened to just enjoying the moment with each other like we used to? Is this another stunt of his to try and knock Oozma Kappa off their game? There's so many questions that I want to have answered but they'll all unfortunately start an argument that will most likely make me freeze up when things get confrontational.
"Y-you know, I think I'm better just watching from the sidelines," I sigh, "I think Randall deserves to participate more than I do anyways."
Johnny shakes his head, disagreeing with that statement. "I would actually say you deserve it more, but I respect the selflessness. I just…you know, really want you to get some experience in. You've made it clear that your nervous about Scaring, so I want you to have the opportunity to squash those inhibitions of yours."
I sigh while bringing my hand up to my head and rubbing my temple in a circular motion. "Why are you trying to change who I am? I'll have you know that having inhibitions isn't really a bad thing. It keeps me from embarrassing myself in front of the entire school and or dying."
"Woah hey, I would never encourage you to change who you are. I just want what's best for you at the end of the road," Johnny replies trying to soften the blow he just accidentally landed.
"Ok well if I'm being honest, I don't think these 'inhibitions' that your talking about, are going to go away anytime soon," I despair.
I can tell that Johnny disagrees with me again, and that he's going to wind up another round of encouragement for me. If only he could understand what I'm feeling right now, it would make things a lot easier to figure out. Unfortunately, I've learned that he's the kind of monster who doesn't want to understand; Everything has to go the way he wants it to.
"Aww come on, don't say that Mel. I know you can be the monster you want to be, you just have to apply yourself a little bit more, get a little more field experience. And hey, I haven't left your side yet have I? I did promise to help you out after all," Johnny replies.
Yeah, this conversation isn't helping or going anywhere. I can't believe he just told me to apply myself more as if I haven't been giving everything my all since I first started school. He also sounds like that one asshat teacher everyone has that thinks your a bad person for not fully understanding what they teach on the first go. Even though my legs are still burning, I stand up and have this undying urge to go home. "I don't want to talk about myself anymore. Let's just get this over with so I can go back to bed," I sigh in frustration while walking away from the bench.
This seems to catch Johnny by surprise. He stays on the bench for a few seconds before dashing off of it, following my lead and jogging over to my side so he can put his hand on the back of my shoulder. "M-Mel, seriously…you're worrying me. I feel like I'm doing something or saying something wrong. Can you just tell me what's bothering you?"
Baffling…just baffling. He doesn't know what he did wrong to make me feel this way? Have I really been dating someone incapable of feeling empathy or sympathy? As for the other part of his question, no, I can't tell him what's going on. It totally won't cause our relationship to collapse or anything if I tell him how I feel about everything that's happened. Everything I feel is the exact opposite of how he feels, and at this point, it's too late to understand things they way he does. I simply can't keep up with him anymore.
"Nothing is bothering me Jonathan. Can we just go home?" I say while gritting my teeth.
Johnny's worry remains as I begin to walk a bit faster, back towards the sidewalks to the side of the Scaring School. I can't help but keep my head down and cross my arms, most likely adding to his worry a bit more than before.
"Y-yeah, sure thing Mel," He mumbles, "As long as everything's... ok."