Lost In Purple
Chapter 61: When Everything Becomes Bleak (Epilogue) - The Life I Always Wanted
Johnny's POV
It's the night after the Scare Games…yeah that's it. I ended up trying to get Sullivan back into the fraternity since he was technically and wrongfully kicked out, and I tried keeping all of my emotions in check while doing so, stating that he was 'one of us after all' but he must have disagreed. I wasn't happy saying all of that. I felt like it had to be done, but he's justified in declining since we might not be on his level anymore. Anyways, I've been in bed all day. I didn't have the motivation to go to class today since there's no point anymore. It doesn't make me happy knowing that everything I have learned these past few years hasn't made me any better of Scarer than current professionals. I await the call from my father where he tells me that my future has been shattered into pieces, which means that my mother and my grandfather will also be severely disappointed in me. The world also proved Melanie to be right, that I was an asshole and an awful monster at heart. The world showed everyone that I didn't deserve the life I wanted, and I don't know how I feel about that. I'm obviously sad and angry about it at the same time, but I also feel this hollowness within me as if something's missing. I can immediately diagnose my symptoms as basic heartbreak. Life felt less stressful and more hopeful when Melanie was around, but I brought her absence upon myself.
My joints ache with every little movement I make under the sheets and it reminds of the time I contracted Laughing Lupus. Recalling everything Melanie did for me that day does bring a tad bit of happiness…but that also reminds me of what she said to me when we both snapped at each other. 'I hate you…I hate all of you.' I really made a mess of things. I'm going to to have to live with myself knowing that we never would have broken up if I was more like her: Empathetic and considerate, things that I won't ever be.
There's suddenly a knock on my door. I don't answer and hope that whoever it is will move on and forget about me.
"Johnny?" Javier calls out from behind the door.
Come on…just leave already. I don't want to talk right now or for the rest of my life as a matter of fact. I would rather wallow here in my grief and let everyone else move on with their lives while I perpetually stagnate
"Señor? I'm sorry but it's urgent," He reiterates.
Since I don't want to leave, I respond with, "When will you get the hint that I don't care?"
"Amigo, it's Professor King. He asked for you specifically along with the rest of the fraternities and sororities," Javier says ignoring what I said.
Oh…great. Can't wait to be lectured about how it's bad for someone of my academic ability to be skipping classes. He'll probably go on and on about how my grades will tank just by missing the slightest of details and yada yada yada. I can't even remember how many times I've had this conversation, but I guess I should at least amuse him with my presence. Even though everything is uncomfortably sore, I manage to get up and throw on my ROR sweater before leaving my room. I come face to face with Javier and he's looking at me as if something's wrong with me…and he's right.
"Are you alright Señor, you look awful," He questions.
I tell him 'no' and walk down the hallway towards the front door. I just want to get this over with so I can go back to hating myself for the rest of the semester.
"What do you mean no? Are you sick? Did something bad happen to you or-or someone you know?" He digs for more details.
"No, now leave me alone before you end up regretting even talking to me," I mumble emotionlessly.
He finally listens to me and shuts his mouth. Silence never seemed so addicting, and now I can just think to myself. I mean, I'm obviously going to have to listen to Professor King now, but at least there won't be anymore nagging for over my shoulder. I open the front door to a warm summers night, with the stars blinking beautifully in the sky above. There isn't any breeze or any crickets chirping up a storm, it's just a boring night here in Frat Row. That's what you would think before seeing every frat and sorority in the middle of the cup-de-sac, whispering amongst themselves and occasionally speaking to the Professor individually. He stands there with his hands behind his back, holding onto some black square. I'm assuming it's a really fancy notebook but I could be wrong.
"There he is, the campus embarrassment," Red chuckles after noticing me join the circle.
I've never growled so hard before. My teeth are clenched to the point where they should be cracking into smithereens, but luckily they never do.
"Growlihan, do I seriously have to baby you right now? We do not talk to people like that. Like in what context was that ever alright to say to anyone?" Professor King asks.
Red shrugs, laughing along with his lackeys that worship him. "What else should I call him? He single handedly lost to the most unscary monsters this campus has ever seen."
He really deserves to get strangled. I would pay money to see his face get thrown to the cement. Today was not the day to drive me into some sort of bloodlust that even is monsters don't ever want to fathom.
"Might I remind you that you lost to them too because of your cowardly nature of not wanting to get hurt? It's also never a good idea to assume things while not knowing the full story." Professor King asks while raising his eyebrow. Damn… he really had to bring that up. That comeback seemed to have shut Red up within milliseconds, letting him take the conversation away. "Ok so, now that you're done antagonizing each other, I've been instructed to inform you about some very…frustrating developments regarding the Scare Games. For those of you who haven't read the school paper, of which I assume none of you do since you all have lives to live, Oozma Kappa cheated during the Scare Simulator event last night."
Everybody lets their shock be be known vocally, asking the Professor for more details on how this could have happened. I can't be bothered though since there's nothing that can be done about it anymore. They shouldn't have even been allowed to continue after the absolute slaughter they experienced during the first event. Professor King has to calm everyone down before continuing his explanation. "Yes yes yes, they cheated and have been forced to relinquish their title, trophy, and everything else related to the Scare Games. Apparently, Mr. Wazowski's scare was lowered to the easiest level, meaning he could have simply snapped or sneezed and gotten full marks. We've been told that it was Sullivan who tampered with the settings, so guess what Red, Mr. Worthington is anything but an embarrassment to the campus. In fact, the only one that underperformed during that entire event was Mr. Boggs who I've learned is no longer a ROR."
A little more murmuring proceeds among the group before anything else is said. "Well then, do the RORs get the trophy? They deserve it after their performance yesterday," Carrie questions looking fairly peeved.
"No. Since there were two teams that cheated this year, and there being no way of knowing whether the entirety of the event was tainted with unethical conduct, no one will be receiving anything other than our apologies for the wasted time and a couple extra credit points in your scaring classes for those of you who didn't cheat or do something to damage your peers academic performances," Professor King responds.
All of us become confused by that last part. Someone damaged our academic performances? Aside from today, I haven't had any problems with any of my classes and haven't been struggling in any way. "What do you mean 'damage' our academic performance?" Rosie asks.
Professor King becomes more serious than his usual self, making it seem like there's an aura of fury surrounding him. He points at Red and shows us all the black notebook to us, which is actually a laptop. "Omar and George sold you four out, or I guess I should say five since Faust has decided not to join us."
The JOX's eyebrows become furrowed, outraged with this accusation against them. All of us feel the same way but out of disgust. We've always known that they pull some truly despicable pranks that might not even be considered pranks from a legal standpoint, and now I wonder if this was even supposed to be a prank since it was 'academic' related.
"What are you talking about King?" Percy asks.
The professors seriousness never falters. "Oh you know, something that's going to involve the Monsters University Ethics Committee and quite possibly your parents if we find out something truly unacceptable."
I look around to see everyone's eyes bulging out their heads, astonished to be hearing something like this. It seems that the JOX finally outdid themselves so much that a couple of their own members had to talk about how socially sinister they are.
"The first thing that Mr. Harris and Mr. Sanderson brought up was with this little laptop right here and how Mr. Terran burglarized Melanie's room, taking her laptop which just so happened to have an assignment on it that was a substantial part of her grade in my class. While none of you technically had any part in that certain situation, it's the second thing that we've been told about that has us extremely concerned. They've told us that the JOX have always 'spiked' various things you children digest, and have recently been using these borderline 'date rape drugs' and psychedelics to sedate a couple of our female students for inappropriate purposes during parties."
Holy shit it's freshman year all over again. This is the exact reason why I ended my friendship with Red entirely. There's no way that none of the rest of us don't feel nauseous right now.
"Ooooh you're all going to get it now," Rosie growls while cracking her knuckles.
"Yeah, what in the hell is wrong with you guys?!" Britany scoffs with blood red eyes.
I get why they're mad. They always attend every party and have possibly been under the effects of these drugs, not knowing that they were close to being in danger by these creeps.
"There isn't even any proof of that Britany!" Percy hisses.
Professor King chuckles creepily before saying, "Oh you don't possibly think that Omar and George came to us without any pictures, or videos did you?"
I can practically see their faces turn red. Percy and Baboso are practically shaking, realizing that their careers are over. Red and Dirk are just looking at each other in surprise and confusion. Oh…now I see it. It's not Red or Dirk that's doing this, it's the two meatheads beside them, the ones who have caused issues for us all year, that are behind this. It doesn't seem like anyone else has deduced this yet, but again... I don't care, I left those idiots to themselves years ago and I'm not involving myself any further.
"I'm going to have to ask that you four stay in your house until tomorrow morning, and be sure to tell Faust that he's the one who is in the most amount of trouble right now. If none of you are there by the time our administrators arrive, you will be in even more trouble. George and Omar will not be a part of JOX starting tomorrow, and have decided to cut all ties with you, so don't even expect to see them anymore. Now…as for this laptop, may I ask that you give this back to Melanie for me Mr. Worthington?" Professor King speaks.
…If only it were that easy. The only way for me to figure out where she even is would be to become some insanely skilled detective. Even if she were to be at her parents house, I'm not driving an hour to just give back a laptop.
"Sorry Professor, but I can't," I sigh.
With a raised brow Professor King says, "Oh? Well neither I nor anyone else on campus can hold onto the property of someone who no longer attends class. I figured it would best for you to hang onto this for now."
"Wh-Melanie isn't going to class?" I stutter.
His confusion turns into genuine concern. "Did…did she not tell any of you? She dropped out of college entirely."
Collectively the group gasps or silently holds their breath. Our pupils constrict and we freeze into complete stasis until I shake my head. She's always been the perfectionist, the person who never wanted to do anything wrong. How could she be willingly skipping class like that?
"Well there was of course the Scarer Biography thing that started because of Mr. Terran, but she also came into my office a few days ago asking me if she really had the capabilities to become a Scarer. She went on and on about how she isn't brave, quick on her feet, or scary…which was very saddening to hear since I expected big thinsg from her. However, that's not the full truth. She had to give me a full explanation about her financial and psychological situation regarding her family. Over Spring Break, her grandpa had a pretty nasty stroke that almost shut his brain down, and one of her little cousins who I think was named Juno, apparently has stage 3 Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia and will soon enter stage 4 here in a couple days."
My heart drops and my head becomes light. I can recall the few times I saw both Ambrose and Juno, and how they were some of the happiest and seemingly healthy people I've ever met. They made Melanie so happy with their presence and all we can do now is see them laying in a hospital suffering in ways we couldn't ever imagine.
"To top it all off, her father had a heart attack just yesterday morning. So her entire family is dropping like flies, they now are drowning in hospital bill debt that they supposedly wont ever be able to pay off, and she now has to work all day, everyday, in order to survive. I figured that she would have told you about all of that but it seems I was wrong," Professor King continues.
Now everything makes sense. The laptop thing always made sense because she's trying her utmost best to be perfect and ultimately failed due to Faust's uncalled for theft. As for barely being able to talk to her over Spring Break, she couldn't talk because she's dealing with the realization that life's changing for the worst. Even though we've broken up, I would never have wished for something like this to happen to her or her family…right? I did say that she didn't belong on Frat Row anymore…implying that I couldn't care less about her. At the same time, I also told her at the beginning of the year that we would become the greatest scarers ever, but I abandoned her at the slightest inconvience to my vision of the future.
The tunnel vision I'm experiencing is nearly crippling; Every lingering thought is about Melanie. When I was with her I wanted to give her a world that people could only dream of and now I've sent her into a world that people have dreaded since the dawn of time. All of those memories we made lunch dates, dancing at our parties, lingering around campus talking about our lives, going to the Fall Formal, studying for our classes together, spending Winter Break together and going on familial misadventures, stealthily destroying another campus, going to the movies, and spending our days with each other while drastically in love... I really threw everything away for self satisfaction and virtues that I don't truly care enough about.
A quick decision is all it takes for me to turn around and hurry back into the house, leaving everyone behind me worried. I race up the stairs, search for my car keys, and dash back down into the garage. Within seconds, I'm flooring it out of Frat Row and decide that maybe it is worth it to see Melanie, even if she is an hour away.
My hopes of making it to the Cormeadow General Hospital during visiting hours luckily wasn't crushed. None of the staff are particularly welcoming, but they at least didn't really care about what I do. They did however indirectly make it clear that I should leave before the place shuts down for the night so I don't cause them trouble, which sounds kind of creepy, but that's not what I'm concerned about. The Everett family is the only thing on my mind because I couldn't possibly be happy with myself knowing that they're all mentally collapsing as they watch their loved ones drop one by one.
Hospitals always give me the creeps since they're known to be places where many lifeless journeys into the unknown begin. There is suffering all around you and you never know what kinds of wars people are fighting within themselves, or if they'll ever escape from the hallways that feel like the plane of limbo. The bright white hallways filled with monsters wearing similar looking scrubs, making the place feel like it's within some sort of dystopia. None of the nurses or doctors talk, and look like they've sold their souls to some otherworldly creature, regretting every choice they've ever made after seeing so many deaths. The building is just unbearably unnerving. Knowing that Ambrose, Juno, and Ronan are the next in line to perish in a place like this only unnerves me more.
The place is a maze, and I can't keep count of the number of monsters who are helplessly in bed hooked up to ventilators or wrapped up my the many forms of bandages and casts. The hospital is one of the biggest buildings in town, so I don't know what I was expecting, but death is all I can sense. It takes me a solid ten minutes to get to where I need to be, on the tenth floor at the far back of the building. When I turn the final corner, I see the entire Everett family gathered. All of the little cousins are being held by their parents, extremely upset along with their parents. They've all lost hope, and sit there as if they've accepted the worst possible future that awaits them. Terror builds as I inch closer to them. The sounds of sniffles grow louder, and the lack of laughter from Melanie's little cousins almost makes my entire body become stiff out of pure despair. I want to tell myself that those three will be fine, that they'll be out of those uncomfortable beds within a few days, but the ailments that have affected them is more than serious. I'm starting to envision them within caskets, and the faces that are left upon everyone's faces when they realize that they won't be the same without Ambrose, Juno, or Ronan. I know that it will be the end of Melanie's world when she loses any one of those three, and if it's the end of Melanie's world, it's the end of mine.
There won't ever be something I regret more than becoming furious with her, all because she wouldn't become what I wanted. I know it was wrong, that I was being selfish and careless. If I truly loved Melanie, I would have let her be who she wanted to be, I would have made her trust me. She wouldn't have had to deal with this all on her own, she wouldn't have had to have this impossibly heavy weight placed upon her shoulders. Everything that's gone wrong is because of you Johnny, you're the reason why this happened.
I finally get a couple feet away from them until the door to the room next to me opens. Melanie's grandmother comes out, trying to hold back all of her tears and remaining as tough as she can. She stops in the doorway for a second before putting a noticeably distressed smile on her face. "Jonathan, we weren't expecting to see you."
"I-I'm sorry ma'am, I only just heard that Ambrose, Juno, and Ronan were here and-and…Wh-what happened?" I stammer frantically.
Hazel tries her best to calm me down by remaining calm herself and consoling me to the best of her ability, but what she does won't make everything go back to the way things were. I can tell that she's already giving up on everything; I would to if I were losing this much control over my life. It only takes a moment before a single tear rolls down her cheek. Such a gentle and loving creature, unable to find any sort of will to maintain her usual self. The mask she's been putting up has finally fallen off, and now I can tell that she's been drowning in anguish…which is probably what Melanie has been feeling for a while now.
"I-I'm so sorry ma'am! I didn't mean to pressure you, I should have known that you weren't ready to talk about this to me," I panic.
"No no," she sniffles, "It's alright, I would have ended up crying by myself at some point anyway…It started a few days ago when Ambrose never got out of bed. When I went to see what was going on, he was having trouble speaking and standing up. The left side of his face was drooping and numb and…he had these sudden moments of confusion when I went to check on him. At some point he forgot about who I was and what we were even talking about."
She takes a long deep breath before continuing. "We thought that it was something that would pass, but we were told it was a stroke after taking him here after a day or so. We're told that he'll…likely pass in the next few days because the stroke caused such severe cognitive impairment and damage to his brain. Once Ronan heard, he became extremely emotional to the point where he wouldn't even say a word to Evelyn, and then went to work which is where he had a heart attack. Those extensive shifts he's taken over the years finally got to him, on top of worrying if he would be able to pay for Melanie's college tuition, and then the shock of what happened to his father. As for Juno…they say she likely started showing symptoms a few weeks to a few months ago, which would explain why she's been getting sick a lot recently."
I can't help but lose control of my trembling limbs. I feel like I'm losing balance, and can't control any of my movements because this is the worst possible situation any of these monsters could have gone through.
Hazel has a couple more tears fall out her eyes, but is still able to keep her composure. "She has Stage 3 Acute Leukemia, which means it's starting to spread and…it'll soon be Stage 4. They don't think she'll live for very long after that happens either."
"C-can they do anything? Please tell me they'll be fine," I question.
Hazel takes a deep breath. "We don't know Jonathan…Treatment for Juno is free because of St. Jaws, but the medical bills for Ambrose and Ronan will pretty much cripple us. We're all going to end up homeless because of this. Alden and the rest are what worries me the most since they all live together. The children…won't be able to go to school soon, and all of us are going to have to work as much as Ronan did but in jobs that only pay minimum wage. What's worse is that Ronan was fired this morning because he didn't show up for his shift…they didn't care about what he did and are already looking for someone who will show up on time to fill his shoes as if that wasn't the one time he was late in decades. He was the one that was keeping us afloat and now he can't do that. In the end…we're going to have to let Ambrose go, Ronan's going to have to immediately start working those long hours again after he recovers, and Juno's going to have to spend her days in the hospital by herself for however long it takes her to get better, that is, if she can."
I'm understanding it now, everyone was so downtrodden because their lives just ended…and…it wasn't like how I thought mine just ended. I was such a spoiled brat of a child and still am, never having to worry about hitting rock bottom like this. I never would of had to watch a family emmber die like this because of how wealthy my family is. I couldn't have been anymore childish thinking that my dream of being a Scarer was tarnished, when in reality it wasn't. It was Ronan and Melanie who had dreams that were shattered. It's their lives who have truly ended…and I let them end…by letting Melanie walk away because I couldn't stop thinking about following the insignificant legacies and rules that my family has put in place.
"Why don't you go and see Juno, she's in the room behind me, and...she's been wanting to see you since December anyways," Hazel suggests painfully.
She turns back towards her family and leaves me looking at the door that will lead me to a sight that will haunt me for the rest of my life. I reach out to the door handle, push it down and slowly find my way into the unlit, freezing room. I look at the bed and see the white, antlered wolven monster with black under her eyes that make it look like she's cried tears of black. She's so small that the pillow she rests on his almost three times as big as her and the blankets that cover her looks like they're unable to keep her warm. She's shivering relentlessly, and look extremely malnourished, but that's probably because she's weaker than a twig that fell of a tree during a storm. She fighting the hardest she's ever fought in her life…and all I want to do is look away because of how much it hurts to look at her like this.
When Juno's eyes meet mine, she tries her utmost best to crawl out of her blankets to move closer to me, but her arms can't handle the weight of her body and she collapses onto the bed, faceplanting onto the mattress. I rush over to her and pull her back up into the pillow and under the blankets.
"No no no, just stay there Juno, I don't want you hurting yourself because of me," I worry.
"But-but…I'm…I'm happy to…see…you," She shivers.
All I can remember is the time when Ambrose told me that she's one of the most loyal monsters ever to live, that she'll wait for you for as long as it takes…and it took me nearly five months to follow through with the promise that I made with her. Regret…that's all I feel.
"Melanie said-said that you… wouldn't be…coming back…but I'm glad…glad that you did," She stutters.
"Of course I would. Melanie said I wouldn't see you again?" I ask.
Juno nods while taking grabbing my hands and keeping them from leaving her clutches. She looks afraid, which is something that she clearly knows she shouldn't be feeling and is trying to hide it. "Daddy says…that-that I won't…be seeing very…many people anymore. What does…what does that mean?"
I'm trying not to start crying right in front of her, feeling my throat close up and my eyes sting. She's left me speechless, because that means she's been indirectly told that she's going to die soon and she doesn't even know it.
"I…I don't know," I reply. I'm starting to feel fear just like she is, and it's killing me, I don't ever want to feel this way ever again. I always thought what it felt like, but it's clear that I never truly did. "Everything will be ok though, your family will always there for you."
"Ok," Juno responds tiredly, "Does that…mean that you'll…be here too?"
This catches me be surprise and all I can say is, "Wh-what?"
"You-you said…during Christmas that…you would live…live with Melanie…so that means you're…part of Melanie's family…which means that…you're part of mine," Juno says.
For such a small monster, she has one crazy memory. She originally thought that we were married after only dating for two months and never having met me, and all it took was one meeting with me for her to think that I was her family. She has so much to learn…but so little time. Although, the question is…would I actually be able to be here for her? Would Melanie, or anyone else in her family besides Hazel, welcome me back? If Melanie told her that I wouldn't be around anymore, I'm assuming that they know that we're not together anymore.
"I don't…want you to leave me…everyone else…leaves me here… with all those scary doctors," Juno shakes, "They have…all those pointy things…and big machines…and tubes that hurt…when they go into my arm. Daddy and Mommy says…that it's bad…to be scared…and no one…will help me be not afraid…except you."
…She's terrified of everything. She feels lost and lied to, left behind as if she doesn't belong here…like Melanie.
"Don't leave me…please," She begs.
I can't stay though, it's been made perfectly clear by the staff, and I don't know if her family would feel comfortable with me staying here alone with her at this point. There's nothing I can do to fulfill that wish, which seems to be the second thing I wasn't able to deliver upon.
"You can do it Juno... your stronger and braver than you think. Stronger and braver than me even. Once everything's all over, everyone will have fun with you, I'm sure of it," I lie.
It'll be hard to understand when she realizes that nobody will be there when she's out of here, they'll be too busy working…just like my parents. Wow…it's almost as if Juno is living the combined lives of Melanie and I…and I hate that. She's living a literally cancerous life that will only end up in ruin.
"But-but…I want to have fun now," She whines.
"I know, but your health matters more than fun. Just listen to your parents for now until you feel better alright," I state.
"O-Ok," Juno whimpers. She looks exhaustedly at the blankets on top of her, and then snaps back to reality. "Johnny?"
"Hmm?" I respond.
"…You," She says while struggling to stay awake, "You…won't forget about me…right?"
She fell asleep before I could even give her an answer. A part of me was scared that she just perished right in front of me but the heart rate monitor still showed me that she's alive. I tucked her in and made sure that she would be able to get a somewhat good nights sleep since she can't seem to find any sense of safety within these walls. All she wants is to go home, but soon she won't have a home to go back to. The parallels of her life and mine are scarier than anything else I've that's happened. I leave the room, more upset than I've ever been in my entire life, and see Hazel walk back up to me. Before she can even say a single word, I can't help but exclaim, "What can I do to help you and your family. I'll do anything as long as it can fix th-"
"Jonathan, please," Hazel painfully chuckles, "I appreciate the thought, but…we can't possibly expect you to worry about this when your life is just about to begin."
I can't find the words to say anymore. They don't want my help? They think that everything that's happened has been nothing but a huge burden for me? But they're everything to me, they're the best family I've ever come to know. They're even better than my own!
"Listen…I know that it's hard to say goodbye, you've had to do it so many times with so many people over the years. Melanie has told us everything about what happened to you when you two were together…but you can't let us stop you from living your life. We know how…excited you are to become a Scarer, how you want to make your family proud. If we continue to stay around you, all we'll do is get in the way of that."
It hurts…being pushed away like this. She's right though, this is a feeling that I've experienced many times. My father, mother, grandparents, friends from middle school and high school…everyone thinks it's better to distance themselves from me, never wanting me to be around them forever.
"I know that sounds cruel coming from such an insignificant old lady like me, but... we're not like you or your family Jonathan. We're not people who can be independent, we're not people who are talented and inspiring as you. We're helpless monsters who will simply vanish the moment you close your eyes because the world isn't meant for us," Hazel elucidates.
Is this what Melanie believes? Is this what they've all believed? Some familial understanding generated by their ancestors that hasn't been fought against? Were Ronan and Melanie trying to break free from it's clutches but ultimately failed?
Hazel places her hand on my chest, right over my heart. "Remember when I told you during Christmas that if there was ever a day where you were ever lost, we would guide you to a better tomorrow? This is that day. I won't let you go down a path that will ruin your future... so forget about us," Hazel explains.
"And go live the life you've always wanted."