Jennifer Hart sat at her desk whispering her maiden name, over and over again, wondering how she would be able to take the final steps in reverting back to Edwards; Jennifer Edwards; not Jennifer Edwards Hart, not Jennifer Hart formerly known as Edwards, but, actual Jennifer Edwards, with no "Hart" attached; not in name nor in the form of the person, who held that same name.
At that, Jennifer sighed heavily, as she sat alone on the balcony of the rented Italian villa that sat on the edge of the Mediterranean on the Amalfi coast; a place chosen for necessary privacy, in lieu of that Malibu Beach house, where the memories would envelope her and become an incessant battering ram to her soul, had she gone that route.
Why? She spoke out to no one, as she sat. Why had he chosen to treat and disregard her so callously; her feelings, feelings for him, feelings about her past, her past traumatic ordeal and worst of all, how she coped and survived. The more she thought, the louder she spoke and the sadness that initially begat her, subsided into anger! How dare he! How dare he, a man who professed loving her more than life itself, believe that I was less than for whom I was involved with, well before he entered my life!
As she continued to speak to out loud, the anger rose; a man, this man, whom I gave everything, my unconditional love and support for 6 years, believes that those traumatic events in my past, were my fault! But the most heart wrenching of all, is the man whom I thought I knew, thought my soul knew deep down, believes that I'd prefer another seed & not his; another who stripped me of my dignity, self-worth and nearly my entire being, by his horrific actions. After learning of those actions, how could my "beloved" husband believe such a thing! Those actions lead to a long road of recovering and rebuilding myself, all the while believing that I would never love, nor would anyone want to love me! Yet, despite all of my successes in healing and in learning to really love, to be so thoroughly and harshly dismissed by the one who "loved" me for better or worse; is soul crushing! As it's clear he prefers the better and is hatefully repulsed when the worse revealed itself. His reaction I'm beyond sure, is due in large part to his damn ego and not being in control of my past.
As Jennifer's head continued to reel with all of these thoughts, her fingers were quietly, but, rapidly twisting the rings on her left ring finger, looking down tears began to fall, falling from her cheeks onto her fingers and finally onto her rings – Wedding rings. How poignant she thought and as she did, she caught sight of the time on her watch, she was late in calling her father – a promise she made, prior to boarding her flight to Italy. She wearily stood up and went inside towards the phone.
Jonathan Hart, thought he was ready for the scheduled presentation that Marcus set up, however, he sat fidgeting in the conference boardroom, barely listening to the pitch being made by a Computer firm needing a cash infusion, as well as, a partnership with an established, successful company that will stave off creditors and layoffs – Hart Industries was it!
As the young Computer firms' founder moved into his crescendo part of his speech, hoping to solidify a deal, Jonathan stood up, abruptly made his apologies, and directed the young CEO to finish his proposal with Marcus, stating that he had a last-minute emergency, waving his phone as if to confirm it and quickly made his way out. Jonathan, on his way to his office to get his car keys, yelled to Deanne that he was leaving for the day, that it was unavoidable, and any and all questions are to be directed to Marcus.
As he closed the door to his office, heading towards the elevators, Deanne asked, "Plans with Mrs. Hart".
Jonathan quickly turned and said angrily, "Absolutely not", leaving Deanne mumbling, "wow, spitting nails would have been nicer".
Jonathan arrived at the Malibu Beach house, but, remained in the driveway while staring at the house – staring and remembering the history there; the wonderful history that was he and Jennifer, which was throughout this structure. The quiet times spent on the patio; the loving times wrapped up in each others arms, naked and not, in the kitchen, living room, laundry room, bathroom and of course, bedroom – anywhere within this place with Jennifer regardless of their activities was beyond heaven! And now, now – at that realization, Jonathan slammed his hand down hard on the steering wheel, screaming "Why Jennifer, why", followed by tears coming hard down his cheeks, on how the lost feeling of Jennifer not being there enveloped him, the same way it did as a child in the orphanage. Of all the out-of-control feelings he felt, were those, that he wasn't man enough to hold onto the one true woman he loved beyond eternity! The feelings of lost trust and love, the very feelings that he believed she didn't have in him, for keeping such a horrible secret from her past, that would significantly affect their future! Feelings of betrayal after the loss of their child, in finding out of her past decision regarding a pregnancy, she claimed that was thrust upon her in a horrific manner, yet, still chose to accept it, regardless of its occurrence.
Why? His tears fell at that why, until he wiped hard at them, pulling out of the driveway and headed towards Willow Pond – Still thinking, "How could she" !
Jennifer dialed her father and on the first ring, his voicemail picked up, she reluctantly left a message, apologizing for the late call – "Hello Pa, it's Jennifer, I'm sorry it took me so long to call that I've arrived safely, I just had so many things to take care of and it took longer than I'd planned!". "Pa, I'll call you tomorrow, as I'm extremely tired and want to get some rest, I love you Pa". At that, Jennifer hung up and went directly to the wine chiller, grabbing a bottle of Chardonnay and poured herself a glass – returning to the balcony to try and decompress and maybe, enjoy the Mediterranean view, instead of languishing in the recent past related to her marriage, and all of its' remnants that has scarred her heart.