AN: We're doing Indra Ball GT.
(pretty cracky, light, horrifying at times and self-indulgent btw)
(Updates on Fridays, usually!)
Here's a rough outline, which does contain a fair amount of spoilers for the story ("Indra: Extra").
(You can avoid them by skipping directly to "THROUGH THE NINJA GLASS DARKLY")
Arc 1: Through the Ninja Glass, Darkly
Chapters: 1-9
Themes: Reality, Frivolity, Family Bonds
Genres: Humor/Romance/Lightheartedness
Synopsis: Naruto and his circle test the fabric of their world while juggling personal dynamics and multiverse quirks.
Arc 2: The Web of Realities
Chapters: 10-17
Themes: Alternate Worlds, Resemblances, Contrasts
Genres: Adventure/Comedy/Day-in-the-Life
Synopsis: Driven by curiosity, the group's adventures yield audacious yet mostly inconsequential outcomes.
Arc 3: Equal(?) and Opposite
Chapters: 18-23
Themes: Contemporary AU, Flawed Parenting, Adaptability
Genres: Adventure/Comedy/Domesticity
Synopsis: Gama and Hebi grapple with foreign realities; meanwhile, Naruto and his allies return home.
Arc 4: Home
Chapters: 24-34
Themes: Governance, Ancient Rivals, Extraterrestrials, Duty
Genres: Action/Daily Life/Family Comedy
Synopsis: Orochimaru's lunar discovery incites cosmic encounters and consequential reckonings for Emperor Naruto.
Arc 5: An Old Friend
Chapters: 35-46
Themes: Modern AU, Parallel Worlds, Emotional Baggage
Genres: Adventure/Action/Home Life/Romance
Synopsis: Well-meant gestures result in damage control. Old, unseen creatures begin rearing their heads.
Arc 6: Embers of Divinity
Chapters: 47-53
Themes: Strife, Weighty Choices, Responsibility
Genres: Supernatural/Drama/Cosmic Mystery
Synopsis: A precarious journey to the Warring Clans period collides with an unsettling return of old acquaintances.
Arc 7: Fragments of Self
Chapters: 54-63
Themes: Mythos, Leadership, Divinity, Tech, Trust/Faith
Genres: Adventure/Thriller/Cosmic Fantasy/Sci-Fi
Synopsis: Confronting cosmic beings, the Council unravels their celestial agenda and its links to age-old myths.
Arc 8: To Do The Impossible
Chapters: 64-71
Themes: Self-Exploration, Loss, Anthropotheism, Leadership, Ethics
Genres: Adventure/Action/Suspense/Cosmic Fantasy/Sci-Fi
Synopsis: Faced with insurmountable challenges and daunting decisions, Naruto must face his last fears and doubts.
Arc 9: Celestial Odyssey
Chapters: 72-89
Themes: Utopianism, Romance, Innovation, Governance, Exploration, Duty
Genres: Sci-Fi/Romance/Friendship/Family/Drama/Adventure/Cosmic Fantasy
Synopsis: Embarking on a quest to establish a utopia among the stars, Naruto and his allies encounter the challenges of creating a new society. In the backdrop of pioneering space, navigating uncharted realms and territories... domestic times.
Arc 10: The Last Enemy to Be Destroyed
Chapters: 90-
Themes: Heroism, Duty, Sacrifice, Unity, Resilience, Transcendence
Genres: Adventure/Action/Cosmic Fantasy/Sci-Fi
Synopsis: Extending their aid across worlds, engaging in daring rescues, confronting deities, unifying diverse realms under one banner. The relentless, messy pursuit of peace, order, and justice, and the preparations for a battle against an unparalleled foe.
THROUGH THE NINJA GLASS DARKLY
The full moon shone overhead, bathing Uchiha Sasuke, last of his clan aside from his wife and daughter, in its silvery light.
High over the stony outcropping, dark clouds hung in the sky.
The night air was cold, and the feeling of the heavy, powerful chakra made his skin prickle.
'There.' He thought. He felt a familiar chakra.
One that could only mean one thing.
'Ōtsutsuki.' He thought with a tight expression.
To think they came to attack them so directly, this time.
Sasuke blurred forward. Around his sword, his right hand — his only hand — flashed through hand seals. Lightning crackled in his palm.
A jutsu strong enough to destroy a meteor.
The intruder looked at him.
Sasuke only noticed his Sharingan then. His face tightened even more.
'One of them?!'
Sasuke's sword flashed.
It was a strike meant to debilitate, not to kill. He had questions for this invader.
Sasuke moved as fast as ever.
It was a strike that was simply too fast for any eye to follow. With the exception of his own, and Naruto's. But Naruto was Naruto.
It was a strike that was parried by a blade that flashed into existence.
Sasuke blinked.
"You!" The invader growled in realization. "Uchiha Madara! So you're alive here too!"
Sasuke blinked again. He spun around his opponent's kick, and switched places with a fallen tree in order to avoid the incoming fireball.
"I'm not—"
"Save your lies for someone who cares, old man! We're not dealing with your brand of bullshit today!"
Five illusions, both optical and auditive, were layered upon Sasuke in less time than it took to blink.
This was not an average shinobi.
Sasuke growled. "What the hell are you—"
There was another flash of dark light. More people emerged, their chakra equally strong as the first invader's.
Sasuke barely held back a wince.
He leaped backwards, ready to defend himself.
"Wow." A female voice said. "You really outdid yourself this time, Toru. Less than ten seconds. This dimension must be even more fucked than the last one."
"Nah." Another woman said. Sasuke froze. "It doesn't get any worse than Danzō — Guys, it's Sasuke — Hey Sasuke!"
Sasuke's eyes could see no illusion.
And yet, his wife was standing there, waving at him lazily.
Except it couldn't be his wife. Too many things were wrong.
She never wore her hair this long, for one. She wasn't that young. She didn't have this jagged scar going through her face.
She… wasn't missing an arm.
She didn't have the Sharingan, either.
"No fucking way that's Sasuke!" The first man blinked. "That guy... he looks old."
"That's not true. He looks great, for a forty-something years old!" Not-Karin defended him.
Sasuke was thirty two… and felt vaguely offended.
The portal flashed one last time.
An oppressive chakra that reminded Sasuke of his own suddenly muted all other presences.
"This one actually ages, Toru." A man said dryly. "That could be why. Also, I think this place is a few years ahead of our own. Sakura calibrated it, so... You know how it goes."
A man that looked way too much like Naruto. Taller, and larger though. And younger, too.
"He must be aging badly, then." The man named Toru said. "He already forgot about me - his favorite cousin. Did this me have like a bad falling out with—"
Sasuke's own chakra flared in answer. This was not a battle he could win.
"Calm down, Sasuke." Not-Naruto said evenly. "We're not here to fight."
Sasuke stood still, trying to figure out the best way to escape with his life.
"Besides." Not-Naruto continued. "You'd lose."
"For sure." Not-Karin nodded.
Sasuke's hand tightened on his sword. Not-Naruto's eyes closed in an amused expression.
"I mean, sure, we could fight, if you wanted to." Not-Naruto shrugged. "I know that's the only way I can get things through that thick head of yours. Typical Asura, really."
"What the hell are you talking about…?"
"Well, just that—" Not-Naruto blinked. "Huh. Okay. Indra here, then."
The six invaders looked at each other for a short moment, and something seemed to go through them.
"Can you bring us to… your village, Sasuke?" Not-his-wife asked. She probably meant to ask pleasantly, but it sounded more like a clipped order.
Sasuke stared in disbelief.
"…Why would I do that?"
"Because we want to—" Toru said.
"We need to speak with your leader." Not-Naruto cut him off. Toru glared at him.
"Yeah, whomever that is." Not-Hanabi said.
"Wherever that is." Not-Ino finished.
"Whenever that is." Not-Karin added. "…Nah, doesn't work." She frowned.
Not-Naruto sighed. "You guys always screw up negotiations for me. We could've figured out where he came from… had you just kept your mouths shut."
"Hmpf." Not-Sakura scoffed. "As though we need to guess. He's obviously from Konoha."
"Oh yeah…?" Toru said snidely. "Do you see any headband anywhere…? Because I don't."
"Well…" Not-Naruto mused. "There's an easy way to find out."
(The expression seemed so out of place on Naruto's face; Sasuke thought.)
Then there was a grin, all too sharp.
Powerful chakra exploded around him, and it was like being in the eye of the storm.
With it came an impossible pressure. Sasuke struggled.
"Hanabi." He ordered. "Bring us to Konoha, please."
"And just why…" Sasuke began, his chakra roaring to life. "Would I let you do just that…?"
The pressure abated.
"Yeah." Not-Naruto grumbled. "That's definitely Konoha, then."
"Ha!" Not-Sakura crowed. "Told you! Time to pay up!"
"Yeah, yeah…" Not-Naruto rolled his eyes.
"So who's your leader, anyway?" Not-Ino asked Sasuke.
He just stared at her.
Ino nodded thoughtfully. "Naruto, then."
Sasuke scowled. To think that she would go through his thoughts so easily.
"…For real?" Not-Naruto frowned. "Why would I even bother…? …He, I mean. The other me."
Sasuke gave him a harsh look.
"Why would he bother…?" He repeated. "Being Hoka—"
"With Konoha, I mean." Not-Naruto frowned. "I'm sure he grew there and all, but still…"
"If you really are who you pretend to be…" Sasuke began stonily. "Then that means you failed at doing just that."
"What…?" Not-Naruto blinked. "Why would I want to lead Konoha - in particular…?"
Sasuke just stared at him silently.
"I mean… I do lead it technically, but that's just because I took over the world." Not-Naruto shrugged.
"What…?!"
It didn't sound like a joke. At all.
"Yeah." Not-Naruto nodded. "I leave the day to day tasks to Itachi. And clones, too. So that I have enough time to experiment with things like—"
Sasuke froze. He felt his heart thunder in his chest.
"What — What did you just say?"
"And here I thought Uchiha only had bad eyesight." Not-Hanabi muttered.
"I said that I have enough time to—"
"Not this!" Sasuke roared.
"Gods, your temper is even worse when you're Indra." Not-Naruto muttered. "You got some brother trouble with Itachi in here?"
"Itachi is… alive? In the world you're from…?" Sasuke asked quietly.
"Not for long if he continues to provoke me." Toru muttered.
"Yeah, he's alive and kicking." Not-Naruto confirmed. "At the rate things are going with his fellow Kage, he's going to have some kid on the way soon, too."
Sasuke continued to stare.
"…He's not alive here, then?" Toru asked.
"Itachi killed every single last Uchiha. I killed him." Sasuke said in clipped tones.
"He — He what now…?" Toru gaped.
"You've heard me."
"Ah." Not-Naruto blinked. "I think I remember seeing something like this, once. My bad, then."
"…It's always the quiet ones." Toru shook his head. "Told him bottling shit up was unhealthy—"
Not-Sakura nudged Not-Ino.
"...I think this is more fucked up than last dimension." She muttered.
"Why do you have to say the worst shit out loud…?" Not-Ino groaned.
Toru scratched his head, looking at a loss for words.
"Well… Shit." He finally said. "Yeah. No, that really sucks."
Sasuke stared at him.
"Ah, that means I must have died, too." Toru nodded somberly. "That's why you didn't recognize me, too. Killed by fucking Itachi, too."
He took a long breath and looked at Sasuke with bright eyes - well... one eye, technically.
"I'm your cousin Toru. But we were like brothers, really." He said.
Sasuke stared at him.
Toru just nodded painfully again. "I see that the memories—"
"I have no cousin named Toru."
Toru stared at him.
"…Now that's just rude." He sighed. "I'm Shisui's brother — well, half-brother, technically — and we grew up together—"
"I never had a cousin named Toru. And Shisui never had a brother. I am certain of it."
Toru blinked.
"Yeah…" He finally muttered. "This is definitely worse than the immortal Madara dimension."
"Told you." Not-Sakura nodded in approval.
"I'm very sorry, Sasuke." Not-Ino said empathetically.
"It was a long while ago." He said quietly. "What do you people want…?"
"You people." Not-Hanabi blinked. "Wow. In this day and age…? Really?"
"What…?" Sasuke muttered.
"Hmpf." She scoffed. "Figures that not every Uchiha clan could get over petty contempt for people who have better eyes than them."
"What the hell are you talking about…?" Sasuke snapped. "You're wasting my time. If you're not Ōtsutsuki, then I—"
"Yes." Not-Ino nodded pleasantly. "We will see each other in Konoha."
"You are not going to Konoha." He spat.
Not-Naruto shrugged.
"Are you going to try to stop us…?" He asked evenly.
'Could I…?'
He knew the answer.
Not-Naruto just nodded.
"You might as well come with us, since I assume you want to keep an eye on us."
There was no good option here.
Because they would undoubtedly find their way in.
"What is it that you want?"
"Just to see how things are around here." Not-Karin said. "We're exploring the worlds, learning new things and all. See what's useful... Better our own world, travel some..."
"Give me your hand — the remaining one." Not-Naruto said. Sasuke glared at him.
"And why should I?"
"We're going to do that Ninshū thing." Not-Naruto said.
Sasuke tensed. He knew about this, too.
"I don't want to pry into your memories." Not-Naruto said. "Just to make it clear that we're not trying to fuck things up."
Sasuke considered his options.
The group began traveling back to Konoha, along with Sasuke.
"Kakashi is alive…?" Not-Naruto looked truly surprised.
"…Then I assume yours didn't live, then." Sasuke said, keeping his voice controlled.
This was not even his Kakashi, so why did he care…?
"…He's not around." Not-Naruto simply said, nodding.
There were five pairs of eyes on him. Not Sasuke's, though.
"Yeah, Naruto. Go on." Toru said dryly. "Tell him what... happened to Kakashi."
Not-Naruto looked away.
"Another time, perhaps."
Sasuke said nothing. He just settled for frowning.
"Hey, is your other teacher alive, in here?" Toru brightened up. "I loved the man!"
Sasuke gave him a disgusted expression.
He loved Orochimaru…?
Neutral intentions or not, these people were really messed up.
"I killed him myself." He spat, looking disgusted. "But he came back to life."
"…Damn." Toru breathed out. He looked at Not-Naruto pointedly. "He killed his master, too. Guess it really runs into the blood - the spiritual blood, I mean."
"Fuck off, Toru." Not-Naruto grunted.
"But really…?" Toru frowned. "I know that he could annoy you sometimes, but to think you went as far as to kill him…"
"He wanted my body. I didn't agree." Sasuke said flatly.
Toru groaned in disgust.
"Really…? Gods… I knew he was a bit of a deviant, but still…" He shook his head. "That's awful. You were like fifteen, weren't you…? This fucking Jiraiya…"
Sasuke scowled.
"…Jiraiya? What are you even talking about?"
"So… you're telling me that in here… Orochimaru experimented on children in order to make them able to grow trees, transformed most of them into actual trees… experimented on more people… got himself exiled from Konoha… tried and mostly succeeded in killing the Third… did some more dubious shit… got himself killed by you… and then came back to life, only to be pardoned for everything?" Toru asked. "Just for the record."
Sasuke nodded once, with pursed lips.
"Yes, that is what happened." He said. "I assume yours is different, then. Does this come as this much of a surprise?"
"...No, that does sound like something he'd do." Naruto said evenly.
Naruto and Sasuke went to meet the Hokage.
The room was eerily silent.
A woman flanked the Fire Shadow, and his face was hidden under the heavy hat. Another man was in the room's corner, sitting close to the shadows.
The Hokage's face was carefully blank, and so was the woman's.
They stared at him. He stared back.
Naruto waited.
Finally, the silence was broken.
"You." The Hokage said, voice low.
Naruto just nodded.
It only made sense for the other him to be a dramatic bastard at times, Indra or not. He was still him, after all.
"I am who you think I am." Naruto acknowledged. "Another you."
"That is not what I meant. You look like that..." The Hokage began. Then he hesitated, looking at this dimension's Hinata. "What was his name again, Hinata? That guy we beat up with Sasuke. Not Momoshiki, the one before that."
"Uchiha Madara." She said demurely.
The Hokage nodded solemnly. "Exactly. You look like Uchiha Madara." He pointed out helpfully.
"…Me or Sasuke?" Naruto frowned.
Sasuke glared at him.
"You. You need a haircut." The Hokage said.
Naruto blinked. "So do you. Badly. Short hair's great and all… Just not yours."
The Hokage stared.
The two most powerful men in the room stared at each other and the tension rose.
"Oh, dear." Hinata simply said. "I think I'll just leave you boys to sort this out."
Chakra built up in the room.
The ANBU stood frozen.
A window broke.
The two Uzumaki Naruto continued to stare into each other's eyes.
Sasuke waited for his best friend's decision.
"You…" The Hokage's voice rumbled.
A grin broke through his stony facade. "I like you!"
Sasuke palmed his face, groaning.
"You're not too bad either, for a dumber, less handsome version of me." Naruto admitted with a small smile.
The Hokage rolled his eyes. "Duh. I don't need to be smart. That's what I hired all these smart people for."
From the other corner of the room, Shikamaru protested.
"And you're not too bad… for a bastard." The Hokage finished, standing up.
He slipped an arm around the taller man's shoulders.
"How does ramen sound, other me?" He grinned.
"…Sounds pretty bad to me." Naruto just said. "Let's go for some meat, instead."
"Of course you'd have terrible taste, too." The Hokage rolled his eyes.
"Says the guy clad in orange."
The Hokage laughed. "It's both red and yellow, you wouldn't get it. It's a family thing."
"Dear, I don't think you can leave like this—" Hinata tried. The Hokage threw her over his shoulder over her weak protests.
"That's what Shikamaru is here for, isn't he?" The Hokage chuckled. "Are you coming too, Sasuke?"
Naruto nodded in approval. He could respect delegating work. Perhaps he'd get his own Shikamaru, once he got back. Itachi was fine and all, but there was no need to overwork him.
"Naruto, that's—" Shikamaru began.
"He doesn't have any bad intentions - really bad, I mean." The Hokage said. "…Kurama did say he was a bit of a dick, though."
"Kurama is a bit of a dick himself." Naruto retorted.
"He can hear you, 'yaknow."
"Of course I know."
What would be the point, otherwise…?
The Hokage shrugged. "Where are we going — you're paying by the way since you can't even enjoy good things — then?"
"Hmm…" Naruto paused. "My wives said they are waiting for us at Oyasu." He left the room.
The Hokage blinked.
Sasuke blinked.
Hinata blinked.
"…His wives?"
"We probably misheard."
Whatever Naruto was hoping to find in the restaurant, a blubbering Toru was not one of them.
"…What happened, now?" Naruto asked. He turned to Hanabi. "Did you make him remember about that movie with the two orphans surviving in a war-torn country again…?"
"Shut up!" Toru sniffled, almost automatically. "It's not that. I just found out that Kurenai-sensei was alive and well."
"Ah." Naruto nodded slowly. "That would do it."
"Yeah." Sakura confirmed, looking a bit pensive as well. "She has a daughter, too."
"See?" Karin nudged her. "Not everything is bad here."
"Speak for yourself." Sakura grunted. "Alternate me married Sasuke."
Naruto stifled a chuckle. She heard him and glared at him.
"It feels a bit… incestuous, somehow." Ino remarked, scratching her head. "Could be worse, though. Like... Who… is this Sai guy, even? At least their kid is cute." She mumbled.
"…What were you guys doing for the past hour…?"
"Listening." Sakura said.
"Spying." Karin admitted.
"People's thoughts tell entire stories." Ino nodded.
Hanabi shrugged. "My eyes—"
"Yes, yes." Naruto waved her off. "Obviously they are the best."
"Ah!…Thank you, dear." Hanabi smiled, a faint dusting of red on her cheeks. Naruto just shook his head.
"I DON'T EVEN EXIST!" Toru suddenly remembered.
"That's rough." Karin rubbed his back.
"Uh, yeah. Okay." Naruto just nodded. "Anyway, other me, Sasuke and Hinata are waiting outside. I'll bring them in."
"I don't want to meet that Sasuke guy. This other me is… a bit sad, really." Sakura muttered. "If he managed to trick other me into marrying him, his ocular powers must be incredible."
"Maybe you just like bad boys." Naruto laughed.
"I don't." She retorted. "Besides, that would fit more to this Itachi's profile."
"…He killed his family, Sakura." Toru interjected. "Unbelievable. Sweet Itachi..."
"…What did I say? Bad to the bone." She nodded thoughtfully.
"Sasuke killed him, though." Naruto offered solemnly. "Which makes him an even badder guy. I can release you from our marriage vows, of course. Fly free, see what's around…"
"Oh, thank you." She said dryly. "I'm so wet already."
"Fine, fine… Be like that." Naruto said. "I guess I'll keep you shackled to me, then." He nodded.
"To us." Karin grinned. "I love the girl to death, too."
"…Ah, stop being cheesy." Sakura looked away, her cheeks red.
"So are you bringing them in or what?" Ino asked Naruto.
"Sure… sure."
He went to get them.
"They're inside." Naruto said. "You mind if I call you some other name…?"
The Hokage frowned. "Like what?"
"…Menma? It's an alternate spelling—"
"Nah." The Hokage worried his lip. "I don't like it. Besides, you should be Menma, if anything."
"Why…?"
"Did I come into your dimension, perhaps…?"
Naruto stared. "Well… Did you?"
"No."
They stared at each other.
Naruto chuckled first. "You've got such a dumb expression on your face."
"Beats having no expression at all." The Hokage laughed. "Bastard."
Sasuke scowled. Bastard was his nickname.
"Shall we go in, then?" Naruto asked.
Hinata blinked.
"…Hanabi?" She asked. "Does that mean…?"
"Hinata?" She asked in return.
Toru pretended to blink in surprise, unable to help himself. "You guys know each other?"
Naruto groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose.
Hinata giggled.
Toru looked between Sasuke and Hinata.
Then at the Hokage and Hinata.
He shook his head, as though he couldn't believe it.
"So… I'll do the introductions, then." Naruto began, seeing their weirded out expressions. "You already know me, so…"
Naruto moved next to Ino. "This is Uzumaki Ino, my oldest friend."
"Ah, come on, now." Ino laughed, a pleased flush to her cheeks. "But yes, we do go way back." She stared back at Naruto, holding on to his hand.
"She is my wife." Naruto nodded.
"Hi Ino." The Hokage greeted first.
"Hello, Ino." Hinata said.
Sasuke just nodded slowly.
"Hello." Ino smiled back.
Naruto moved next to Karin.
"This is Uzumaki Karin." He said with a fond smile.
"Ah." The Hokage nodded slowly. "She is an Uzumaki clan member, isn't she?"
"Yes." Naruto nodded. "…The name, you mean?"
The Hokage nodded, a bit more hesitantly.
"That would also be because she too is my wife." Naruto said proudly.
The Hokage winced.
(Two wives... He thought.)
Hinata glared at her Naruto. Sasuke just stared in disbelief.
Karin grinned at Naruto and then at them.
"Hey there." She threw out casually.
Naruto moved to Hanabi.
"This is—"
"We know who she is." Hinata nodded, now relieved that her sister wasn't part of… this. "My sister, Hyūga Hanabi."
Hanabi nodded slightly. "Sort of." She looked at Naruto, full of... love.
Hinata's eyes tightened.
"…I was about to say that she too is my wife. Uzumaki Hanabi."
Hinata made a sound that might well have been a growl, on anybody else.
The Hokage paled. Sasuke looked away.
Naruto moved toward Toru.
"This is Uchiha Toru—"
"Not your wife, then..?" The Hokage tried to release the tension in the air.
"Not officially, at least." Naruto laughed.
"Fuck off man, I'm taken." Toru grumbled.
Naruto ignored his unwilling, unofficial, nagging, Uchiha wife.
"Of course, we know all of you already, so the only person left is—"
"My wife." Sasuke nodded slowly. "Well, her alternate self."
Sakura made a disgusted noise, looking ready to bite him. Sasuke took a step back. "Take these words back. I have nothing to do with this defeated hous—"
"This is Uzumaki Sakura." Naruto cut her off because she could cause an inter-dimensional incident. "She is also my wife."
"Our wife." Karin said proudly.
Sasuke stopped moving.
He stared at his Naruto. Then he stared at Sakura. Then he stared at the other Naruto.
He sat down silently, looking sick.
(What was this... a polygamy ring?)
"We married each other, all of us." Hanabi supplied helpfully. "He is my husband and they are my wives. It was a great event and the honeymoon—"
"Hanabi, please." Hinata said gently, but firmly.
"But—"
Veins pulsed around Hinata's eyes.
"Please."
"My… what a lovely temper you have, big sis." Hanabi laughed.
"…"
"Ah. Akemi and Yugito are not around today, because it's a bit more dangerous." Naruto added. "Akemi is Toru's girlfriend. Yugito is—"
"Our mistress." Ino cut him off.
"Playmate, for now." Karin nodded. "She will come around at some point."
"A good friend, too." Hanabi said.
"An ingrate." Sakura muttered.
"Naruto's baby's mama." Toru interjected.
"…I was about to say lover." Naruto muttered.
Hinata looked as though she was reconsidering whether coming here for dinner was a wise decision or not. She glared at her Naruto for good measure, daring him to get any similar ideas.
The Hokage just threw his hands up, absolving himself from this whole affair.
Sasuke stayed silent.
"Oh, a friend's coming." The Hokage mused. "A clone told him to meet us here."
"A friend?" Naruto asked. "You have any…? You…?"
The Hokage chuckled. "More than you, I'd bet."
"Not that difficult of a bet." Naruto just nodded.
"You're such a bastard." The Hokage laughed and punched his counterpart's shoulder.
Sasuke just stared. He was bastard, not… that guy. His Naruto was supposed to punch his shoulder. Not… that guy's. Not that faker's. He was supposed to be some… God-King… God-Emperor of his world of something…? Hmpf. That was nothing. Sasuke would have done the same, but better, if only Naruto hadn't— This faker had also married his wife. It felt as though his very existence was tailor-made to provoke him.
"—not sure I agree with your… foreign policy." The Hokage frowned.
"Foreign?" Naruto blinked. "The world is united. We just call it policy. Unless you mean the space invader defense stuff."
"No…" The Hokage chuckled despite himself. "The Tsuki—"
"Ōtsutsuki, dear." Hinata corrected.
"Yes, thank you." He nodded. "They are real assholes, so it's likely that they have it coming, anyway. I mean on Earth."
"You mean the whole holding the whole world at knifepoint in order to make people aware that we're the ones calling the shots…?"
"Yes, that." The Hokage said dryly.
Ino looked at the Hokage as though he were dumb. The man blushed angrily.
(Privately, he thought she was scarier than this world's Ino, by far.)
"That's not what we're doing at all, 'ya know!" He said hotly.
"What happens when Sasuke and you die?" She asked.
"Well our friends keep the peace up, of course." The Hokage nodded.
"And after that?" Ino asked.
"Well the next generation keeps the peace up, of course." The Hokage nodded again.
"What happens if they don't?" Ino pushed.
"They will." The Hokage nodded again.
"And if some… madmen like us come along and seize power again…?" Naruto asked.
The Hokage hesitated.
"Uh…"
"Actually, just for a… thought experiment." Naruto continued, tapping his chin. "What would prevent us from seizing power here…?"
Sasuke gritted his teeth.
"We will stop you, easy as that."
Naruto smiled at him politely.
"Man, you're really lucky we have better things to do." He said.
"Care to repeat that…?" Sasuke asked, squinting.
"Sure."
A man entered the restaurant.
"Jinchūriki-sama's in the house again. Writer's block's over, ninjas, cancel your plans."
Naruto stared.
An older, muscular, dark-skinned man with white hair and small sunglasses. From the chakra signature, it was pretty clear who he was.
Killer B frowned at their lack of reaction.
"Uh! Put your hands to the constellations. Right now I'm kinda lost in consternation." B began.
"What's bothering you, B?" The Hokage tilted his head, glad for his timely arrival. "That's my friend B, by the way." He introduced him to the group, who greeted him in return.
"Eight-Tails' still alive every time I rhyme. Last year shopping' I'm trying to shine. Why do I see two of Mister Nine…?"
"Ah." The Hokage nodded wisely. "That's my alter ego from another dimension. He was just telling us how he decided to use his power for evil and how he took over the entire world. And why might makes right."
Naruto frowned. "I'm not evil."
"Of course not, my evil twin." The Hokage nodded.
"He ain't mean, he's just focused." Killer B rapped… expectantly.
Silence followed.
"You were not here before, when he explained how he did it." Sasuke grunted.
"I don't care — It's a chorus. Sing it, fools." B grunted. "Sing the chorus."
"…Nah." Ino shook her head.
"He ain't mean, he's just focused." Hanabi sang back.
Toru and Sakura followed.
Karin did too, and she looked at Naruto expectantly. He sighed.
"...I ain't mean, I'm just focused." He sang as well.
B nodded in approval. "Everything I felt was more bogus. Only made me more focus—"
"Alright, alright, we get it." Sasuke muttered. "Get on with it."
Hinata clapped politely still.
"Check it out, check it out. That's what Killer B's about. I'm here to speak—"
Sasuke's chakra spiked.
"Got it, got it; I'm on it." B muttered. "Damn fool already cost my brother his arm, ain't no surprise that he still got no charm."
"Care to say that again…?" Sasuke asked dangerously.
"I said—"
"We'll have a rap battle later, B." The Hokage just nodded wisely.
B grinned back.
"I may always act the fool… But, can you tell me why that fool holds part of all of the nine as fuel?"
"I was wondering the same, really." The Hokage nodded. "I assume that Kurama and his brothers decided to help him as well."
"Something like that." Naruto nodded.
"Are the jinchūriki alive, over there?" The Hokage asked.
"There are no jinchūriki." Naruto said flatly. "I hold the Nine's chakra and am linked to them, but they are free."
"Oh." Naruto blinked.
"Some of the former jinchūriki are still alive, though." Naruto nodded and left it at that. "Yugito, for one."
Killer B went utterly still. "Yugito's… alive? In what...? Your world?"
"Yeah. Definitely is." Naruto nodded. "She's… We're close." He finished lamely.
The Kumo ninja just nodded solemnly. "That's a good update… Maybe I'll call it fate. Girl needed to get laid."
"…I assume she died, here, then." Naruto said, ignoring half of the message. "In our world… you died."
B regained some of his countenance.
"Don't worry 'bout me, I'm fine. You do you, cuz' I'm not looking for a sign."
Naruto stared at him.
"If Yugito's alive… When will she arrive?" B frowned. "...Damn that one sucked."
"…I mean, we could bring her here, later, if you're staying." Naruto mused. "I'll need to warn her, she can be busy sometimes — she takes that Raikage stuff too seriously."
"Yugito's got the leadership…? I can barely make it to the dealership."
"She could just leave clones, but she feels guilty about it sometimes. But yes, she is the Raikage."
Better not to get into the details of why.
"Alright alright, better that Yugito gets stuck!" B laughed. "Cause me, the only thing I really wanna do is fu—"
"Thank you, B-san." Hinata nodded demurely.
"Oh, so other former jinchūriki are also alive here too, then." Naruto said.
The Hokage confirmed. B nodded too.
"Gaara—"
"Gaara?!" Toru scowled. He slammed his fist on the table, but was polite enough not to break it. "This sand bastard is still alive, then?! Where is he?"
"It might sound like a slur, but he does not hate Suna ninja." Ino piped in. "Just that one."
The Hokage frowned. "Gaara is not alive in your world?"
"No, we killed him." Toru nodded quickly. It had been a rough experience.
There was a pause.
"Gaara is one of my best friends." The Hokage said dryly.
"He's a psycho." Toru retorted.
The Hokage just nodded toward Naruto. Naruto rolled his eyes.
"…"
The Hokage nodded toward Sakura. She just muttered something about only good guys winning, which meant—
"Yeah. Okay. I get it." Toru muttered.
"Gaara got better, too." The Hokage said.
"…Ah." Toru said. "You… didn't kill him when he went after you, me — you and Naruto, then? Did that even happen—"
"No. I headbutted him." The Hokage nodded very seriously.
Toru paused.
"Okay. So?" He frowned.
"He saw the light after that."
Toru stared at him. He then stared at Naruto.
"It never worked for me." Toru said petulantly.
The Hokage shrugged. "It worked all my life. Even for this guy." He pointed at Sasuke, who just glared back.
Naruto snorted. "Bah. It wouldn't work on the people we faced."
The Hokage gave him a polite smile. "It worked on Gaara."
"Sure, but it wouldn't work on people like… Let's say… Ōnoki." Naruto said, trying to think of one stubborn bastard. The man came first.
"But it did. Gaara gave him a pep talk." The Hokage smiled. "And I taught Gaara, so..."
"…It wouldn't work on the Akatsuki." Sakura chuckled derisively.
"Who was in your Akatsuki, again…?"
"Zabuza—" Sakura began.
"I talked some sense into him when I was twelve or so." The Hokage said.
"…Neji, then." Hanabi said. "He killed his father."
"His dad was dead already here. I know, because I talked some sense into Neji a few months after I did the same to Zabuza. Then did the same with Tsunade, too."
"Orochimaru's teammate…?" Karin frowned.
"Yup. She became Hokage thanks to me." The Hokage smiled easily.
"…Wasn't she like a missing ninja for decades?" Ino asked.
"That's all in the past." The Hokage chuckled. "Then I talked some sense into Sai."
"Who's Sai…?" Hanabi asked, being rather willing to move away from anything related to Neji.
"Don't ask." Ino muttered.
"Me and Kurama became great friends." The Hokage nodded.
"…For real?" Naruto asked.
"I told you before, didn't I?"
"Hmpf." Naruto scowled. "I guess all of them were waiting to be saved."
"Yeah." Ino nodded. "You wouldn't do something like this to people like Uchiha Obito if he was around, in your world."
The Hokage frowned.
"…But I did."
There was a long silence.
"Nagato, then." Naruto gritted his teeth.
The Hokage grinned.
"He brought back all of the Konoha ninja he killed two hours earlier once I got to him."
Hinata looked at her husband proudly.
The Umi ninja shared some disbelieving looks.
'…See, that's typical Asura shit. Our Sasuke couldn't pull half of this sort of shit off, though.' Naruto told them. 'Typical.'
'You can't brag about your other self's actions.' Karin reminded him.
'I don't care, I united the world.' Naruto scoffed. 'What does he have, besides one lousy village…? I have you guys.'
'Aww…'
'Ohh…'
'Yeah, brag about your tyranny and your wives instead.' Toru thought dryly.
Yugito came to join them soon after that.
(Well, technically, Naruto and Karin went to pick her up.)
She was wildly overdressed for the occasion and she realized it with a sigh.
Naruto greeted her with a kiss, and she smiled back at him. She kissed a waiting Karin as well.
"You know…" Yugito began. She was definitely showing, by now. "When you told me dinner, I thought this was more of a… formal event."
"We don't really do formal in Umi." Karin smiled.
"We're in Konoha." She quipped back.
"Not our world's Konoha."
"I'm going to pretend that made sense." Yugito laughed. Karin all but dragged her in.
Yugito gasped. "…B?"
"In the flesh. Feeling real fresh. …?" B frowned. "Why you crying, catgirl? Don't need you to give me no pearl—"
"Uh, yeah. Sorry about that." Naruto apologized. "There's no danger here, and he wanted to talk to you so—"
"I don't mind." She smiled a misty smile. "I really don't mind at all."
They stared at each other.
"You died out there, Yugito-chan." B said soberly.
"And you did back there." She just shot back. "And I couldn't do a single thing—"
B held his fist out.
"Oh yeah, so you cried for me? For your ol' pal?" He grinned.
"B… You…" Yugito sniffled. She wiped her tears away. "Of course not."
"That's the girl I know." He laughed.
They bumped fists.
Conversation actually became… pleasant for a while.
"So if I get it right… you guys have a son, too? Besides Himawari, I mean." Yugito asked.
B was strangely subdued now. He looked a bit wistful, even. Alcohol always made him quieter.
"Yes. His name is Boruto." The Hokage nodded proudly.
Naruto gave Yugito a pointed look. She choked on her laughter.
"Is there anything you find funny…?" Hinata asked frostily.
"No… No. It's something of an inside joke." Naruto just nodded.
"Yes." Yugito nodded. "As you probably noticed, I am… pregnant."
"His child, of course." Hinata said evenly.
"Yes. We… considered similar names." Yugito just said.
"Considered." Naruto repeated. He mouthed Koruto to her.
"Our son's name... It's also a tribute to Neji." The Hokage nodded.
"Ah…" Naruto paused. "Were you guys close…?"
Hinata nodded somberly. "He died to protect me."
The Hokage grabbed her hand softly. "Neji was a great man. From the way you talk about him, I assume he… died as well…? No doubt to protect you, too. Despite that father-killing... Akatsuki stuff."
"Neji was like that." Hinata nodded.
"…You could say that he died for us, yes." Hanabi muttered.
Ino kicked her shin under the table. Hanabi hissed.
"What is it?" Hinata asked in concern.
"No… Nothing. Just the pain of losing Neji." She gritted out, glaring at her other blond lover. Ino just huffed.
Hinata nodded in quiet understanding.
Someone else came into the restaurant. A young girl with black hair.
"…Dad?" The newcomer asked, staring at Sasuke. "I heard that you were back!" She then turned to Sakura, frowning. "…Mom?"
Sakura shuddered.
"Oh gods, other me and Sasuke reproduced. We're leaving." She said, standing up.
"What…? Why would we…?" Toru frowned. "I'm actually having fun. Not like last time."
"Well… I'm leaving." She growled.
Uchiha Sarada just stared in disbelief as the woman who looked like her mother used a Sharingan to vanish.
"Don't worry about her, my cute little…" Toru frowned. "Niece…? Cousin…? Whatever. She can't go that far with that eye. Well…" He amended himself. "Uh... At least she's restricted to this world."
After B and Yugito made their tearful goodbyes, the extended Umi group left to find Sakura.
"They will come back someday, Sasuke." The Hokage said. "No need to be sad."
"I am not sad." He growled.
Next to him, Hinata nodded demurely, fanning her face.
"…Why do you even think they will come back…?" Sasuke asked, fists clenching.
"Because I just know." The Hokage nodded sagely. "I have a feeling for this sort of things."
"You can't read the future."
"No, but Old Man Six Paths gave me some good premonition." Naruto said. "On top of all that cool stuff. What did you get besides Nagato's eye…? Not much, I'd wager." He shook his finger admonishingly.
Sasuke breathed in slowly, trying to rein in his anger.
"You can't even use it to travel through dimensions like he and his friend can." Naruto chided, shaking his head. "And you have no stamina, either. Frankly, we should probably swap, it seems like the eye hinders you sometimes. You seemed to be... stronger before."
Blood rushed to Sasuke's temples.
"Don't be foolish." He gritted out.
Naruto shrugged.
"He won't come back." Sasuke said again.
"He will." Naruto said with a fond smile.
"…Why would you even care…?" Sasuke asked, unsure why he was feeling so angry about it.
Naruto just gave him a sad smile.
"He will, I know it. I mean, murders and tyranny and moral ambiguity aside… he really was the coolest guy." Naruto said, staring at the night sky with a wistful expression. "Like a brother to me, really."
Sasuke saw red.
Alternate Title: Uchiha Toru's Guide to Dimension Hopping for Intermediate Learners