Chapter 4

For the record, I'm well aware of how lame of a pun this chapter's name is.

"We're heading straight for the whale!" screamed Usopp.

"Steer past it!" Nami shouted.

"The whipstaff still won't budge!" yelled Sanji from the main cabin, having gone there to help Usopp. Unfortunately, they still weren't having any luck pushing the broken stump.

An idea popped into my head. Perhaps I could grab the broken whipstaff with my arm, detach said arm, and use it as a makeshift handle.

Hmm… That could actually work.

I made my way from the upper deck to where Sanji and Usopp were. As I was about to enact my plan, something else occurred to me. If we successfully maneuvered past Laboon, then he wouldn't swallow us like he did in the show—meaning we'd never meet Crocus or possibly even Vivi, and if we didn't meet her, then we'd never save her kingdom.

Damn.Having to think that far ahead gave me a headache. Still, it was clear that the only thing I could do was watch this play out the way it was supposed to.

Realizing we couldn't evade the whale, Usopp raced to the cannon and fired a shot. The recoil slowed us down but didn't stop us completely. We kept heading towards the whale until we bumped into it.

SNAP!

And just like that, the Merry's figurehead was busted.

"MY SPECIAL SEAT!"

And Luffy was pissed off. Which meant that he'd—

SMACK!

—punch the whale right in the eye.

"YOU IDIOT!" the whole crew, excluding me, shouted.

Unfortunately, he had gotten the whale's attention now. It opened its mouth and started swallowing water, causing our ship to sway as we began to get sucked in.

"Oh, crap!" Luffy yelled as he tipped over the edge. "I'm falling!" Way to state the obvious, captain.

I plucked Fencer off my shoulder and threw her at Luffy.

"What the fuck, dude?!" she barked. She was justifiably pissed at the lack of warning.

"Keep an eye on him for us!" I said back.

And just like that, Laboon had sucked us in. The ride down into his belly was kind of like a pitch-black roller coaster, but not nearly as fun. Once we finally started slowing down, Zoro decided to do a roll call.

"Is everyone still on the ship? Usopp?"

"I'm here."

"Crap cook?"

"Go to hell, Moss-head."

"Witch?"

"Screw you too!"

"Good, then we're all here." Zoro seemed satisfied.

"Um, I'm here too," I pointed out.

"Guys, don't say anything bad about the skeleton, he's still here," Sanji said.

You know, I don't recall the crew being this rude to other self-inserts.

Suddenly, there was light again, and we could all see a curtain of blue stretching above us.

"I-is that the sky?" Usopp squeaked.

Nami gave me a questioning look, and I realized she must be expecting me to have the answer to what was going on. I did, so I decided to comply.

"I think we're inside the whale's stomach, guys," I said.

"Don't be ridiculous," said Sanji.

"Oh, yeah?" I folded my bony arms. "If we're really not in the whale's belly, then why is the water around us green now?"

The crew rushed over to the railing to see if I was right. Unfortunately, a giant squid erupted from the foamy green waters the moment they neared the edge.

"Oh crap!" Usopp screamed in terror.

Nami, Sanji, and Zoro braced themselves for a fight, but before they could do anything, three harpoons pierced the squid from behind, killing it instantly.

On the other side of the whale's great stomach, Luffy and Fencer were in a bizarre situation. Moments ago, they had been safe on top of the whale's head, but when it started to submerge, it looked like they had nowhere to go. Fortunately, they spotted a door on the whale's head and, without any time to give it a second thought, they went through it.

On the other side, the two found themselves in a long hallway made of solid metal.

Luffy sighed in relief. "Phew. I don't know why this whale has a door in its head, but we sure are lucky it does."

"We can question it later," said Fencer. "Right now, we need to find our friends."

As soon as she said that, the hallway started to tilt up and down repeatedly, causing the duo to bounce around like a pair of pinballs. Luffy was starting to get dizzy from all the bouncing, and Fencer could feel a couple of bruises forming under her fur. Thinking fast, she latched onto her captain's vest tightly.

"Enough!" she yelled, stabbing her tail into the wall, which stopped the motion abruptly.

Luffy was floored. "Whoa, I can't believe I've got such a cool piece of tail on my crew!"

"Dude, did you just hit on me?"

"What are you talking about? I didn't hit you."

"Wh—But you—Ugh. Never mind. Let's just keep moving," Fencer said, stunned by Luffy's cluelessness.

After about a minute of walking, the two saw another pair of people some distance away. Getting a little closer, they were disappointed to find it wasn't any of their friends, but they were curious all the same. One was a man in a green suit with a crown on his head and two nines on his cheeks. The other was a young woman who had her blue hair in a ponytail. She was wearing a light green jacket over a blue top and white boots. But all of that registered after the fact that both of them were carrying large guns.

"Hey, look…people!" In typical Luffy fashion, he began to approach the duo. Before Fencer could protest, the gun-wielding pair already had them in their sights and immediately fired shots at the two Straw Hats.

Fencer quickly hopped off Luffy's shoulder. "Time to fight!"

Luffy threw a gum-gum pistol, hitting the blue-haired girl right in the face and knocking her out cold. The crowned man was about to fire another shot in retaliation, but before he could, Fencer set her tail on fire and slashed, sending a flaming crescent of wind at the man. It gashed his chest, sending him back into the wall and knocking him out as well.

Luffy gawked at the sight of such an attack. "So cool!"

"Thank you, thank you very much." Fencer took a little bow. "Now, I say we take them prisoner."

"Why?"

"Because we knocked them out. If we just leave them here and they wake up, they might come back for revenge," the fire ferret explained.

"Wow, you kick butt and you're smart? You're the coolest team pet ever," Luffy beamed.

"Who are you calling a pet?!"

Luffy opened his mouth to give another clueless response, but their fight was cut short when the whale started lurching again.

It seemed we'd finally encountered Crocus. The strange man who'd killed the squid ended up exchanging death glares and empty threats with the crew multiple times. Although I had enjoyed Crocus's running gag from the show, I couldn't say the same for the rest of the gang.

After we had established that he was indeed just messing with them, he explained that Laboon was an island whale where he made his home, and then pointed us to where the exit was. The crew kept expressing disbelief at how unreal the situation felt, and I didn't really blame them. I mean, a man partially hollowing out the stomach of a whale, painting the stomach lining, and making a small island to live on inside of it? Crazy. Just crazy.

While the old man was explaining this, I started scanning the area around us, looking for a different door: the one Luffy would end up crashing through if all went according to canon. Once I spotted it, I made Skeleton Buddy appear and had him direct the ship towards it.

The crew quickly realized we were moving, but before they could do anything, the acid sea we were floating in started to get turbulent.

Crocus sighed. "He's doing it again."

I knew what came next.

As anticipated, Fencer and Luffy came busting through the door, headed straight for the ship with Vivi and Mr. 9 in tow. After their crash landing, Fencer crawled her way out of the resulting pile.

"What's up, bitches?" she greeted us.

"Hey there." I walked over to them, put Fencer on my shoulder, and helped my captain up.

"You guys are still alive," he said. "Good. For a little while, I thought you were goners."

I patted him on the back. "Could've been, but we're not."

"Hey, who's the old guy?" The same moment Luffy noticed Crocus, Crocus spotted the two Luffy had brought with him.

"Those two again?" the old man complained. "When will they give up?"

"They friends of yours?" Zoro deadpanned.

"I'm quite familiar with them, yes," Crocus clarified. "But they are not my friends. They've been trying to kill Laboon for some time now..."

As he launched into an explanation, it was as if we'd all tumbled into the past…

Miss Wednesday and Mr. 9 grinned. They had just made their way into Laboon's corridor and were looking for any spots that seemed particularly vulnerable.

"Going somewhere?" a voice behind them asked.

They froze and turned around slowly. Crocus was standing behind them with a harpoon.

Mr. 9 shouted, "But we saw you leave to go get supplies!"

"I had a feeling you two were lurking nearby, so I came back early." Crocus glared at them.

Several minutes later, the duo appeared outside the whale, badly beaten.

"If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times," declared Crocus. "You will never harm Laboon!"

And then, just as suddenly as we'd slipped away, we were back on the ship.

"What the hell was that?" I was stunned.

"What was what?" Crocus asked.

"What we just saw, that's what," I clarified.

"You mean the flashback?"

"Yes, that! How come we could see it?"

"Are flashbacks not visible where you're from, boy?"

"Um, no," I said. At this point, the frontier agents we had on board were starting to wake up.

"Ugh, what happened?" Vivi—or should I say Miss Wednesday—asked.

"My captain and I knocked you out, that's what happened," Fencer retorted.

Mr. 9 looked at Fencer in disbelief. "What the hell? How can a fire ferret be talking?"

"I think we'll be asking the questions here," I said smugly.

Nami chose this moment to pull me back.

"Just tell us who they are," she said quietly but sternly. I still didn't get the hostility.

"You know what? I'll do you one better," I whispered back.

"Can I have everybody's attention?" I said loudly. Once I saw that I had everyone's focus, I made my announcement. "These two right here are called Mr. 9 and Miss Wednesday, and they work for an organization called Baroque Works. Oh, and before any of you go thinking I'm crazy, just take a look at these two. Why did they go deathly pale when I outed them?"

True to my word, the officer agents looked ready to faint upon hearing how much I knew. Usopp opened his mouth to say something, but I beat him to it.

"Also, Zoro knows almost exactly what I'm talking about."

Everyone looked at Zoro. Should I feel bad for putting him on the spot like that? I knew from watching One Piece that Zoro had been approached by Baroque Works and asked to join them, but the rest of the crew didn't know that.

"Wait a second, guys!" Jeez, this was gonna make me sound even crazier. "I just remembered we should sail out of the whale before our ship gets digested!"

The crew had started eying me funny, and I knew I had stretched the bounds of my canon knowledge. I had talked about things I shouldn't have known about, put Zoro in the spotlight, and then given an unrelated order immediately after. They were all probably beginning to think I'd genuinely lost my mind.

Zoro, Sanji, and Nami sailed us out of the whale's belly without incident while Usopp, Fencer, and I guarded our prisoners. I had dispelled Skeleton Buddy when we got outside, but I made him reappear to stop our captain when I saw he was getting a little too close to that whatchamacallit fish Sanji had bought in Loguetown. No point in letting that particular scene play out.

Once we had settled down, Fencer was still kind of pissed at me for throwing her without warning. She even burned my collarbone a little to make a point. But that was the least of my problems once the questions started coming.

"Hey, Declan, how'd you know that stuff about these guys?" Luffy asked, gesturing to our prisoners.

Usopp chimed in. "Come to think of it, you also knew right away that we were in the whale's stomach."

"You also claimed Moss-head could back you up on what you said about our guests, which he has yet to deny," Sanji said, looking from me to Zoro.

"Well, guys, I have an explanation for all of that, as well as a proposition. How about I tell you how I know all this stuff the next time we get a new crew member? I have a feeling that will happen in a week or two." I wasn't trying to evade the question so much as I didn't want to have to explain it all over again to Chopper when he joined the crew.

The Straw Hats didn't look satisfied with that answer, so I decided to give them some more knowledge to ease their minds.

"Would it make anyone feel better if I dealt out some more information? I'll start by telling our navigator about this." I pulled out the Log Pose I'd bought in Loguetown.

"Where were you hiding that?" asked Sanji.

"What do you mean?"

"You're not wearing any clothes, and as a skeleton, you don't really have any body cavities, so how did you have that on your person?"

"That's not important. Moving on—Nami, come hither."

Before she came over, I made Skeleton Buddy appear, and since he's me, he knew my plan. He went over to Luffy and recruited him for the task I had in mind. Meanwhile, Nami approached me as I called Crocus over as well in case I needed any help explaining.

"Nami, the Grand Line has super crazy magnetic fields that make a normal compass useless. This is because every island in the Grand Line has its own magnetic field. A Log Pose like this records each island's magnetic field after a varying amount of time and then locks onto the next. Hey, Crocus, did I explain all that right?" He nodded. "Good."

For a first timer, Nami seemed to be quickly absorbing this information.

"Alright, Crocus, would you mind showing Nami how to pick our starting point? I'm gonna check on the prisoners," I said.

As Luffy and Skeleton Buddy walked toward the island whale, the rubber-man asked, "What are we doing, Declan?"

SB was about to correct Luffy but figured that, as a clone, it was fine to go by the original's name.

"We're about to make friends with a whale, Luffy."

"Really? Why?"

"Because he needs some new friends. You see, fifty years ago, this whale was friends with another group of pirates. Eventually, the pirates set out for the Grand Line, but since Laboon was only a baby at the time, they couldn't take him with them. However, they promised they'd come back."

"Did they come back?" Luffy asked.

"No, they didn't. For one reason or another, they didn't come back. That's why Laboon keeps head-butting the Red Line. He thinks it's blocking his friends from coming back and that if he smashes it, they can return."

Luffy's expression had turned solemn but then lightened up a bit. SB could practically see the light bulb appearing above his head. The straw-hatted captain started walking back towards the ship.

"What are you gonna do, captain?" SB asked.

"I'm gonna fight that whale."

"You're not gonna use the ship's mast as a weapon, are you?" said SB flatly.

"Yeah?"

"Please don't. I know you wanna give Laboon a new purpose in life, but it'll be bad for the Merry. Can't you use something else? Like that big rock over there, or that other big rock over there? Maybe one of those guns our prisoners had with them?"

The captain responded with a simple, "Nope."

SB sighed. This was going to go the same way it did in canon.

I approached the officer agents, trying to think of what I could say to them. Should I put them on edge with more of my foreknowledge? Threaten them into submission? Try and get friendly with them?

The two glared at me as I approached; getting friendly with them would certainly take some doing. One crack of wood later, and I saw Luffy running toward Laboon with the ship's mast, the rest of the crew yelling, "What the hell are you doing?!"

Skeleton Buddy must've been unable to talk him out of breaking the mast. Oh well, nothing I could do about that. I needed to deal with this.

Before the two could speak, I said, "No, I'm not going to let you go…princess."

Vivi's pupils shrank upon hearing that.

"That's right. I know exactly who you are," I said menacingly, before trying something a little more upbeat. "Anyway, I'm Declan and this is Fencer. Want to be friends?"

The fire ferret waved at Vivi, and the duo's eyes widened in shock.

"Aw, come on, don't look at me like that. Tell you what, how about as a gesture of goodwill, we take you to Whiskey Peak?"

"Wait, how do you know about that place?" Mr. 9 was appropriately shocked.

"And why would you help us get there anyway?" Vivi continued.

"Well, first, I just said it was a gesture of goodwill, and second, heading there is the very first step in saving your kingdom," I answered. Vivi looked ready to faint at that.

I turned my head to see that Luffy had finished his fight with Laboon and was in the process of painting our Jolly Roger on the whale's head. Wow, time had flown during this little chat.

I turned back to our prisoners.

"So, how about it? Can we be friends?" I asked hopefully.

Mr. 9 just laughed. I didn't blame him. I hadn't been very subtle or tactful. I was sure he and Vivi would come around, either now or when we started kicking ass in Whiskey Peak.

With that, we said our goodbyes to Crocus and finally set sail.