Chapter 6

That's impossible. She couldn't know my name. As I was trying to formulate a response, the crew beat me to it.

"Wait a second, you and Miss All-Sunday know each other? Is that how you knew about my kingdom?" Vivi said with some alarm.

That made the rest of the crew stare at me. My mutual greeting with Robin must have given off the wrong impression, and Vivi's accusation wasn't helping. I had to sort this out quickly.

"Vivi, I'm not with Baroque Works. I joined the Straw Hats in the East Blue. A Baroque Works agent wouldn't have any reason to be there."

"And besides, there's no way Declan would work with the bad guys," Luffy added. I appreciated the support, but given our short history, a statement like that wouldn't actually help my case.

"Moving back to the matter of our guest"—Fencer lit her tail on fire—"who are you, how did you get on the ship, and why shouldn't I toast you right now?"

Zoro and Nami pulled out their weapons, only for Robin to use her powers to disarm them. That one was on me.

"Sorry, guys," I said. "I should've warned you about her powers the second she showed up."

"What the hell kind of power is it?" Usopp asked.

"She has—" An arm suddenly emerged from my sternum and tried to clamp my jaws shut. I took my skull off my neck and held it out of reach. In response, another arm appeared on my forearm and began grabbing for my skull, so I passed it to my other hand, where yet another arm sprouted. I shuffled my skull between my hands to keep it away from her, even tossing it through my legs like a basketball player.

"You do realize that, in trying to shut me up, you're revealing your powers in plain sight?" my skull said to Robin as I passed it between my legs again. "At least it saves me the trouble of explaining. Right, guys?" I looked over at the crew, who were just watching the spectacle, dumbstruck.

Sanji, who'd been staring at Robin with a predictably lovestruck expression, suddenly noticed something. "Hey, do I hear the shower running?"

That got everyone's attention. Even Robin stopped trying to grab my skull and listened. Then, suddenly, the sound of running water ceased, as if someone had turned off the faucet.

"Hey, Declan, was that the other Declan?" Luffy asked.

"What makes you think that, Luffy?" I said, hoping he'd shut up.

"Well, earlier you said you needed to go shave your beard. Did you leave the other you on the ship while you were doing that?"

Normally, I might have congratulated Luffy for figuring out my plan on his own, but seeing as he'd basically just ruined it, I was just pissed. Also, his choice of words implied he actually believed I was shaving.

Robin turned around just in time to see a soaking wet Skeleton Buddy standing behind her.

"Uh, hi?" he said awkwardly, having lost the element of surprise.

"Hey, other Declan, why were you in the shower?"

You're really not helping, Luffy.

Robin began to assume the cross-armed position she took when she was about to use her powers, but SB held up a finger. He looked past Robin and answered Luffy.

"Because after I fed the Transponder Snails Declan bought in Loguetown, I hid in the one place I thought Robin wouldn't check."

Robin raised an eyebrow at that. "You hid in the bilge?"

The whole crew looked disgusted, but SB waved a dismissive hand.

"And that's why I was in the shower. Now, if you'll excuse me—" He wrapped his arms around her tightly.

That got various reactions from the crew. "What the—?!" said Usopp.

"How dare you force yourself on a lady, you shitty skeleton!" Sanji growled.

Fencer just looked confused. "You picked a weird time to make a move on someone, dude."

"Will you all shut up for a second?" SB responded. "Let me explain. By bear-hugging her like this, I've restricted her movement, so now we can question her without worry." He turned slightly so he and Robin could turn their heads to face us.

"Okay, first question, how exactly do you know my name? Were you eavesdropping before you made yourself known?" I asked.

"A good guess, but no. One of our other agents told me about all of you," she said.

"All of us?" Usopp parroted.

"How could any agents outside this town know about us? Miss Friday didn't depart that long ago, so she couldn't have given anyone 13's drawings that quickly, and even then, you'd only know our faces."

"To be honest, I don't know how he knew all of you. I would guess he's some old acquaintance of yours, however, that's irrelevant right now," she said.

"Oh, are you about to hand us that Eternal Pose to Alabasta?" I asked.

"Wait, what?!" Vivi shouted. It felt like she'd been shouting a lot lately.

"Indeed, I would be giving it to you now if not for this 'other Declan,' as your captain put it."

I held up a hand. "Don't bother. Our captain would want us to decide our course for ourselves. Am I right, Luffy?"

"Definitely," he agreed. "No one tells us where to go."

"Are you crazy? A direct course to Alabasta would make this so much easier!" Nami looked ready to strangle Luffy.

"You do know it's Luffy you're talking to, right?" Usopp asked.

Ignoring them, I realized I had an important question to ask.

"Hey, Robin, exactly which agent in Baroque Works told you about us?"

"His codename is Mr. -1. He's the only agent in Baroque Works capable of harming Mr. 0."

I got the distinct feeling the only reason she told us that so easily was to shake us up. And it partially worked. The Monster Trio was undisturbed by this news, but Vivi and I were shocked.

"Now, allow me to ask you some questions of my own. This may sound odd, but do you happen to have a twin brother?"

I shook off my stupor. "No, why?"

"Because Mr. -1's voice sounds identical to yours. Now, Mister Declan, how do you know my real name?"

Wow. Even though I knew who she was and that she liked to mess with people, she was still getting to me.

"I know a lot of things I shouldn't, Robin. For example, I know that you'll never find what you're looking for if you keep working for Crocodile. All you'll find is information about a weapon, and I know you're not much interested in that."

"What?" Robin and Vivi asked at the same time.

"If I may interrupt?" Fencer asked, annoyed. "I like you, Declan, but you've been pulling new info out of your ass almost nonstop, and the curiosity is killing me! I'm not waiting another week or two like you asked. I'm not even gonna wait another minute. Nobody on this ship is going to be able to trust you until you explain how you know all this shit!"

Nami stepped forward. "Declan, she's right. I should have spoken up sooner. Tell them all what you told me."

"Wait, he already told you?" Sanji asked.

"Yeah, she kinda pressured me into it," I said. I dispelled Skeleton Buddy, freeing Robin from his grasp. "I'd prefer that only crewmembers and close allies hear this, Robin, so would you mind?"

"I would much rather stay for the big reveal," she replied.

"Tell you what, how you join our crew?" I offered. "Then I could let you in on the secret." I figured a deal like that would prompt her to leave.

"WHAT?!" the rest of the crew, minus Sanji and Luffy, yelled.

"Are you nuts?!"

"Did Luffy rub off on you or something?"

"Deal," Robin said.

"WHAT?!" the rest of the crew yelled again.

Okay, she agreed to that way too easily.

"Are you gonna run off the moment you learn what you want to know?" I deadpanned.

"No," she said sweetly, and all the foreknowledge in the world couldn't help me figure out if she was being genuine.

I took a moment to think. Letting her in on the truth so soon may not be enough to make her stop following Crocodile, and if she left after I told her, she could help Crocodile plan countermeasures against my future knowledge. Or maybe she wouldn't go back to him, seeing how Crocodile's plan meant nothing to her, and I didn't have anything to worry about at all. Thinking this hard was giving me a headache.

You know what? Fuck it.

"Okay, how should I explain this?" I muttered to myself. "So, I really like comics."

"Comics? What does that have to do with anything?" Zoro asked.

"And are you really going to reveal all your secrets while she's still in earshot?" Vivi asked, pointing at Robin.

"To answer those in order, it's surprisingly relevant, and yes," I said, even though the real reason I'd decided to say comics was because I didn't know how to explain TV. "I like comics, and where I'm from, there's this one about the adventures of a young man who wants to become the pirate king."

I waited a few seconds to see how they'd react. I got mostly blank stares.

"The main character's name was Luffy," I continued, and that seemed to help.

"You mean—?" Usopp started.

"You're kidding," Sanji said.

"I can prove it to you the same way I did with Nami: by telling you stuff about yourselves that I shouldn't know. Everyone ready?"

They all nodded.

"Okay then. Zoro, come closer."

"Why?"

"Because the secret I have about you is something personal." Once he got in close, I whispered into his ear, "Your main sword used to belong to Kuina."

"You're taking that secret to your grave," he whispered sharply.

"Understood. Now, Sanji, you're next." I beckoned him over.

When he came to me, I whispered, "Germa 66."

He went pale. "You'd better keep that to yourself," he warned.

I nodded. "Alright, the next two secrets aren't too critical, so I'll say them out loud. Luffy, I know about your brothers."

"You do?" he asked.

While the rest of the crew were busy expressing their surprise, I decided to move on to Usopp.

"And Usopp, I know that you command an army of eight thousand men!" I declared.

Robin chuckled while everyone else gaped.

"Is everything just a big joke to you?!" Vivi yelled.

"Not everything, Vivi. I'm really not joking about this. I'm from another world, a world where the adventures of Luffy and his crew are part of a wildly popular comic series. That's how I knew about your kingdom. And it's how I know you're really innocent." I directed that last part at Robin. Credit where it's due, she looked completely calm.

"How about you and I continue this later?" I suggested.

"Very well." She made her way to the railing of the ship. It looked like I'd gotten under her skin.

Before she hopped off the ship, she turned back to us. "I should give you a word of warning. No one has ever escaped the island you're heading for alive."

Trying to scare us with that like she did in canon, I see.

"Oh, and Miss Wednesday? Nice haircut."

Vivi's face went red with fury. With that, Robin departed, leaving us in silence.

That was, until Luffy decided to ask, "Hey, Declan, if you're from another world, does that make you an alien?"

I'd never thought about it like that. "Uh, yeah, I guess it does?"

"Cool! I've got an alien skeleton on my crew!"

"Uh, Declan?" Fencer asked. "How come you didn't reveal anything about me?"

"Because I don't know anything about you, Fencer. You weren't part of the story I read. You're actually from a different series altogether," I told her.

That surprised her, "What am I from?"

"You're from a trading card game."

"…Is my card any good?"

"Yeah."

Getting back on topic, she asked, "So, if a comic showed you all this stuff, what happens after this?"

"Don't answer that, Declan!" Luffy ordered. "It's cool that you know a bunch of stuff, but don't give stuff away about our adventure."

"Roger, captain. If I reveal anything, I'll keep it vague, like how I told the crew you have brothers without telling them who your brothers are." He looked satisfied with that.

"Speaking of which, who are your brothers, Luffy?" Usopp asked.

"Oh, one's name is Ace, and the other one is…well, dead." Luffy's face turned serious, some bad memories clearly resurfacing. I was tempted to tell him that Sabo was still alive, but I hadn't thought about what long-term negative effects that might have on our crew. I figured it wouldn't do much harm, but I couldn't be sure. After what had just happened with Robin, I was afraid to let things diverge too far from the canon I was familiar with.

Carue walked over, letting out several quacks.

"Okay, Ducky over here just asked if Declan is sure he doesn't know anyone who could be Mr. -1," Fencer said.

"You understood what he said?" Vivi asked.

"Yep. I'm an animal too, remember? And since we're on the same side now, I'm sorry about your hair." So Fencer was the one who cut Vivi's hair? I was wondering how that happened.

"I swear, I don't know who Mr. -1 could be, guys. There was never a number lower than zero in the story. And I have no idea why his voice would sound like mine," I said.

"Speaking of Baroque Works, why would you reveal all that to her? If she knows that you know how future events will play out, then she can warn Mr. 0 and have him play things differently to throw you off!" Vivi pointed out.

"I doubt that'll happen, Vivi. She doesn't care if Crocodile's plan fails, so long as she finds the Poneglyph in Alabasta." Vivi went pale, remembering that I knew something about her kingdom that was supposed to be a secret.

"But if she finds the Poneglyph, she'll learn about the ancient weapon!" she protested once she could find the words.

"That wouldn't be so bad, Vivi."

"Excuse me?!"

"She's looking for a history book, not instructions for how to use a big gun."

"Wait, what?"

Fencer sighed. "Declan, I repeat: I thought you said you weren't good at strategizing. The logical reasoning you just gave sounded really well thought out."

"And Fencer, I repeat: I'm just thinking on my feet with this stuff."

Then a half-baked idea hit me. "Hey, guys, now that I've explained how I know so much about you, maybe it would help you warm up to me if I told you some stuff about myself?"

The crew exchanged glances.

"Maybe," they all said at once.

I guessed that was the best response I'd get for now, but oh well.

"Well, I can play the piano, I've taken some martial arts classes, I know a little about photography, and I can make snickerdoodles. Oh, and the Devil Fruit I ate was one I made up."

"What?!" they all gasped.

"Yep. Before I was transported here, I thought Devil Fruits were cool, so I came up with one of my own, like many fans before me."

Nearly everyone present was looking at me in awe, but Luffy had started drooling. "Mmm, snickerdoodles. Could you make some now?" he asked.

"Sanji, mind if I use the kitchen?"

"Not without my supervision," he answered.

Sanji made me wash every individual bone in my hands before I could start baking. I also took the opportunity to get some milk and pour it on my damaged bones.

"What the hell are—" I held up a finger, enjoying the look on his face when he saw that the milk was knitting my bones back together.

"Milk heals me, Sanji," I explained. "I meant to do this earlier, but that business with Robin distracted me from the searing pain I was in."

Once I was better, knowing that we'd face at least some crazy weather on the way to Little Garden, I made Skeleton Buddy appear and had him go on deck to help out. As I began to make the dough, I decided to make small talk.

"Hey, Sanji, what exactly is the crew's problem with me?"

"Beg your pardon?"

"I mean, Zoro skipped me when he did roll call in Laboon's stomach, and Nami still seemed a little hostile even after I told her about myself. I honestly want to get along with you guys and I've tried to contribute to the crew, so what am I doing wrong?"

Sanji took a long drag from his cigarette. "Well, it's not that you're a jerk or anything like that. It's just that you're a little…off-putting."

I got the cinnamon and sugar. "I figured as much. I mean, is it the way I look? Or is it my foreknowledge?"

"It's a little of both, actually. Your appearance is even more outlandish than Zoro's hair"—we both chuckled at that—"and your foreknowledge was kind of annoying before we knew where it came from. You presented it like some sort of know-it-all."

That gave me a few things to think about. I had mostly finished making the cookies by then. All that was left was to put them in the oven.

"How about a deal, Sanji? Treat me like one of the crew, and I'll teach you a technique for picking up ladies."

I went out onto the deck while Sanji stayed inside to watch the cookies. I took note of what everyone was doing and saw Zoro practicing with his swords. That gave me an idea.

Walking over to him, I got his attention. "You want to spar?"

"You want to spar with me?" he asked. I didn't see why not. Maybe training together would be a good way to bond with him and help build a connection with the crew.

"Yeah. Swords are a common weapon, which is a little weird since guns exist here, so I need practice dodging. C'mon, you're getting a free practice dummy out of this!"

When I finished that last part, he grinned maliciously.

Within minutes, we were facing off. Zoro was only using one sword, but that didn't make dodging his blows any easier. He landed one hit after another on me. He moved more quickly in real life than I ever could have imagined from watching him on TV, and I was terrible at predicting the angles of his swings. Still, we didn't break for anything: not for rest, not to help out with the ship, not to have any of the snickerdoodles once they were done, nothing.

Line Break

It had been a week since we set sail for Little Garden, and I was sparring with Zoro again. I was getting a little better at dodging, and every once in a while, I found I was even able to slip in a counterattack, but our swordsman was still landing a good number of hits on me. Thank god I'd convinced him to keep his swords in their sheathes this whole time.

"Hey, Declan!" Luffy said, approaching us.

I made Skeleton Buddy appear so he could chat with Luffy in my place. Unfortunately, the small amount of concentration it took to do that allowed Zoro to land yet another hit on me.

Meanwhile, Skeleton Buddy started talking with Luffy. "What is it, captain?"

"I realized something. You've been with the crew all this time, and we haven't figured out what your job is."

"My job? Oh, you mean like chef or navigator?"

"Yeah, exactly. So what's your job gonna be?"

"Hmm... How about I guard the ship? I don't need to eat or use the bathroom, so I can do it for long periods of time."

Luffy smiled. "Okay, from now on, you're the ship guard."

After what felt like weeks—oh wait, it was weeks—Little Garden finally appeared on the horizon.

I wasn't sure how to handle this episode. It would be wrong for me to purposely let Nami knock on death's door just for the sake of meeting Chopper, but I didn't know what else to do. Some self-insert fanfictions I'd read just had something bad happen to the insert instead of Nami. But even if that didn't happen and Nami didn't get a virus, something else could happen to a different member of the crew. I wanted to warn the crew, but even if I did, there was no guarantee of safety. Bug bites are hard to avoid, even when you try.

Dammit! It feels like there's no right answer here! I needed to think of some way to work this out. In the meantime, maybe I should just focus on fixing a different aspect of this arc. I went to the kitchen and started checking on our supply of alcohol.

Come on. There's gotta be some sign that Mr. 5 messed with this stuff. When did he have the chance to do it in canon, anyway?

"What are you doing?" a voice asked. It was Sanji. Maybe I could talk to him about this.

"Sanji, I know Luffy doesn't want any spoilers, but I need to tell someone about this. Very soon in the story, we discover that Mr. 5 somehow rigged some of our booze to explode."

Sanji got a serious look on his face. "Are you sure?"

"I'm very sure. I was trying to see if I could figure out which barrels were rigged, until I realized I didn't know what to look for. I know you hate wasting food and drink, but I think we may have to get rid of everything."

The chef looked horribly conflicted. He knew that throwing away tainted food, or in this case, drink, was the right thing to do, but under these circumstances, it would also mean throwing away a lot of perfectly good alcohol as well. He was also probably pissed that the alcohol had been sabotaged in the first place.

"Alright," he ground out. "We'll get rid of it."

After hauling every barrel in sight to the upper deck, Sanji and I made an announcement to the crew. As we started emptying the barrels over the side of the ship, we got various reactions that all amounted to disbelief.

"For real?!" said Luffy.

"Are you serious?" cried Usopp.

I noticed that Zoro was very quiet and looked especially unhappy, not surprising given how much he loved booze. All things considered, that went a little better than expected, and at least one of our upcoming issues was solved.

At this point, we were about ready to make landfall on Little Garden.

Time to see how this episode would play out.