Chapter 13
Aside from our captain fighting a losing battle against a Warlord, our ride to Alubarna was going pretty smoothly. At least, it was going smoothly until we spotted the river.
"How are we supposed to get across?!" Usopp asked in a panic. "Can this thing swim?"
"I doubt it. Swimming through sand isn't the same as swimming through water," Vivi replied.
"Uh, guys?" Fencer interrupted. "Why isn't this thing slowing down?"
She was right. The Tartaronis was advancing toward the river with no sign of stopping. The beast roared as it plowed forward through the sand.
"He said, 'Hold on tight!'" Chopper translated.
Without much choice in the matter, we all latched onto whatever scales or spikes we could get a hold of. Right when it seemed like we'd plunge into the water, the Tartaronis leapt out of the sand and flew over the river.
My mind was thoroughly blown. I mean, I knew the thing could fly, of course, but actually riding it through the air was fucking awesome. The rest of the crew was amazed as well; all their jaws dropped save for Mantax, whose jaws didn't work like that.
Eventually, we reached the other side and the Tartaronis came to a complete stop.
"Hey, what gives?" Usopp shouted, sounding more disappointed than angry.
The elder dragon growled in response, which Chopper helpfully translated. "He said, 'Pay up.'"
Usopp wasn't the only one annoyed by this, with Zoro speaking up next, "But we're not even at Alubarna yet. Can't it wait?"
The next growl was translated by Fencer, "'This is as far as I feel like taking you, now get off and pay up.'"
Having no real alternative, we all slid off its back.
"Fine! You want your damn hot sauce, then here!" Usopp yelled, throwing his remaining tabasco at the beast, who promptly sucked it up before ditching us right then and there. "Well, now what are we supposed to do, run the rest of the way to Alubarna?"
I chuckled. "No need to worry, Usopp. Help should be arriving any moment now."
As if in response to my statement, a cloud of dust began approaching us. Once it got close enough, we saw that it was the supersonic duck squad.
Hopping on a random duck, I announced, "For the record, please don't ask me how we should proceed, because I really don't know how to make this part go any better than it did in the story."
That stamped out any questions the crew might've had for me before they could even ask. Naturally, they ended up coming up with the same plan they had in canon. That left just one issue: Mantax. He was too heavy for any of the ducks to carry, but we couldn't afford to drag our feet so that he could keep up with us.
"Just leave me behind," he said to our surprise. "If you wait for me, you'll never reach the capital in time and your whole journey will have been in vain. I'll catch up on my own."
"That's…surprisingly noble of you," I observed.
"Don't you have somewhere to be?" Mantax asked dryly. Seeing that we were still unsure, he followed it up by saying, "Will you all lighten up? You're acting like I'm really sacrificing myself."
Vivi nodded. "If you're sure you can make it on your own, then we'll trust you. And you're right, we have no time to lose." With that, we reluctantly left our new crewmate behind.
The ride to Alubarna was mostly silent, presumably due to the tension of the impending conflict. Once we got close enough, we all donned cloaks to disguise ourselves from Baroque Works, just as the crew had done in the manga.
However, as we approached, I saw immediately that something was different: Mr. -1 was standing in our path. The rest of Baroque Works was nowhere to be seen, likely watching from afar.
He fired his water blast, forcing us to scramble. Keeping his gaze fixed on me, -1 revealed just how he was able to do that trick by transforming. Most of his skin turned blue as a sail grew along his back. His face stretched, his mouth elongating into a beak. His digits became clawed, and he grew a tail before, finally, ice crystals began to form along various parts of his body.
Mr. -1 had become a Glacial Agnaktor. He looked kind of silly with his clothes still on, but we knew not to let that distract us.
Using his now massive frame, -1 cut me off from the rest of the group. Knowing where this was headed, I had my duck come to a stop before sending it on its way, while the rest of the crew headed off for their respective battles. "How'd you single me out?" I wondered aloud.
The agent chuckled. "You may have covered your face, but you didn't hide your hands."
I looked down at my bony hands and realized he was right. Moving to remove my cloak, I said, "You know what else I was hiding?" I threw off the heavy garment and revealed Fencer hiding in my rib cage.
As she climbed up to take her usual place on my shoulder, the fire ferret boasted, "You're gonna regret having ice powers in a min—WHOOOAAAA!" She screamed as a brown blur snatched her off me.
Taking a closer look, I saw that the assailant was Miss Friday. Apparently she'd survived that wound I'd given her a while back.
"Yeah, I had time to plan around your little friend," Mr. -1 said, returning to his human form. "Miss Friday was happy to help. An eye for an eye, a partner for a partner. That leaves us alone in a scenario you hate."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Think about it. This is just like a mediocre fanfiction. You're the OC who barely does anything facing an extra opponent who's been shoehorned in to give you someone to fight in the final battle," he explained.
I took a second to process that. "Oh, god, this is that type of scenario. The only difference is that this isn't a fanfiction."
"Yeah, and I'm a little pissed at being tossed into Baroque Works while you got to hang with the Straw Hats," -1 said. "Anyway, we should probably start fighting now."
"Wait!" I yelled before he could do anything. "Why are you even doing this? You're me, so I know you have enough of a moral backbone to know that Crocodile's in the wrong here."
That made him stop for a moment. "Well, I guess I just don't like you."
"You're serious?" I asked, bewildered.
Mr. -1 chuckled. "Why are you surprised? I am you, and you are me, and we don't like each other because we don't like ourselves."
"Well, yeah, but joining the bad guys over it? That seems a bit over the line," was my response.
He sighed. "Can we just start fighting already?"
With that, he let loose with one of his water jets. I dodged the attack and retaliated by shooting my fingertips at him. Rather than evade the projectiles, -1 changed form again, reaching a halfway point between his human and monster selves a la Zoan type. In this form, his hide was tough enough to deflect my shots. Deciding to engage me in close combat, he threw a straight punch followed by a hammer fist.
I was able to block the first punch but the second hit me right on the head. In response, I grabbed him by the head and pulled his face into my knee. Unfortunately, the Agnaktor-man countered by simply biting my knee. Screaming in pain, I tried to pull him off, but that just made him tighten his grip. Eventually, it occurred to me to actually hit him, and so I brought my elbow down on his head.
The moment -1 let go of my knee, he fired his water blast at me point-blank. The attack sent me flying and I skidded along the sand on my back before finally coming to a stop. As soon as I got up, the Baroque Works agent slapped me in the face with his tail.
Knowing he'd knock me down if I tried getting back up and that shooting my fingertips didn't work, I launched my entire fist at him, putting as much power into the projectile as I could. It hit him in the stomach, distracting him long enough for me to get to my feet. Recalling my detached fist back to me, I straightened up and pulled off my left arm. Charging at my evil clone, I used my arm as a makeshift baston and scored two good hits to his shoulder and the side of his head.
Mr. -1 powered through the strikes, grabbed my skull, and began pecking at me with his beak. Some of the ice had melted off it due to the desert's heat, but that didn't make it any less sharp.
After the third peck, I reattached my arm and grabbed his snout with one hand while grabbing his throat with the other, stopping his attacks. The Baroque Works agent struggled for a moment before grabbing my lower-left rib. With a flick of his wrist, he broke it off.
"AAAHHH!" I stumbled back, clutching the broken spot on my rib cage.
My evil clone took advantage of this and hit me with several punches before pulling the same knee strike I had attempted earlier. I managed to push him away with a snap kick, giving myself a precious few seconds to think about what to do next.
-1 didn't bother closing the gap between us, firing his water blast at me yet again.
Dodging the attack, I detached my arm again and threw it at him like a boomerang. He ducked under my counterattack and fired another blast of water at me.
"Hold on, time out!" -1 said. He checked behind him to see if my bonemerang was coming back and ducked down again as it flew over his head. "You didn't think that'd work on me, did you?"
"Worth a shot," I answered, reattaching my arm.
Before he could try shooting at me again, I used my super skeleton speed to get behind him and put him in a rear naked choke. For a second, I thought I finally had him where I wanted him, only for him to transform completely into his Glacial Agnaktor form. In this state, his neck was too big for me to wrap my arm around, ruining my choke. Not giving up, I held onto his sail and began punching him. Thankfully, his limbs couldn't reach me, so all he could do was swing his neck around to try and shake me off. When that didn't work, he returned to human form. However, doing that simply put me back into position to choke him.
Unable to get rid of me, my evil counterpart turned back into a monster and began running through the desert. I didn't know what he was planning, so I just kept punching him. A couple minutes later, I realized he was heading toward the edge of town, where Chopper and Usopp were fighting the Mr. 4 pair.
"Hey, Mr. -1, what are you doing here?" Miss Merry Christmas asked as she tried to slash Usopp from underground.
"I've got a little spider monkey on my back," -1 replied as he continued to thrash. "Could you get Lasso to shoot him off me?"
"You heard him, Lasso!" Merry Christmas called out. On command, the Dog-Gun sneezed out a baseball.
I was forced to let go of Mr. -1 to dodge the incoming projectile. -1, on the other hand, shrank down to human form again. With both of us having dodged the blast, I sped over and put him in a half nelson. I then summoned SB, who quickly took to using -1 as a punching bag. Allies from both sides tried to help us at once: Usopp charged in swinging his giant fake hammer while Mr. 4 popped up from a nearby mole tunnel and swung his bat at us.
Normally, I would've simply let go again, but this time, -1 grabbed my skull, something I couldn't just leave behind. Suddenly, we were both hit at the same time. Mr. 4 was aiming for me, of course, but my lack of mass plus the strength of his swing meant both of us were launched toward the city.
"Declan!" I heard Chopper cry out in dismay.
"Mr. 4, you moron!" Christmas yelled. "Look what you did!"
If anything else was said, I didn't hear it as we flew further away.
Fencer squirmed as she felt Miss Friday's talons sink into her torso. She was about to fire her flamethrower when the vulture cut her off.
"If I die now, then you fall," Friday warned her. The fire ferret looked down and realized all at once that using fire would be a bad idea. Miss Friday chuckled, "Though, I guess you're falling either way."
The vulture released her grip, but Fencer managed to hang onto her enemy's foot by sinking her teeth into it. Miss Friday shrieked in pain and shook her leg to try and get Fencer to let go, but the Straw Hats' smallest member simply wrapped her tail around the bird's other leg for a better grip.
Miss Friday swooped down towards the city, striking Fencer against chimneys and dragging her along rooftops. Finally, Fencer relinquished her grip, landing on a nearby roof. Once she was free, the vulture circled around and opened fire with her machine guns.
Scurrying around the roof, Fencer launched her flamethrower, which her airborne opponent easily dodged. Getting an idea, she used flamethrower a couple more times before taking a deep breath and releasing a fire blast.
Miss Friday was caught off guard by the widespread attack and ended up burning the tips of her feathers. With her left wing almost literally clipped, she could no longer fly properly, forcing her to descend. As she did, she let loose another flurry of bullets.
Fencer dodged some of the bullets while deflecting others with her tail. Despite being winded from her last attack, she gave chase, climbing down from the roof and making her way in the direction she had seen Friday glide.
This led her to a spot just a block away from the war. She tried to sniff out her foe, but the smell of blood and gunpowder clogged the air. Hearing a gunshot much closer than the others, she hit the deck. The fire ferret turned around to see the buzzard emerging from around a corner.
"Heh, that's the thing with you birds. You're all lightweights," Fencer taunted.
"You're one to talk," Friday hissed. "Look behind you."
Against her better judgement, Fencer took a quick look over her shoulder to see a trail of blood stretching out behind her.
Miss Friday naturally tried to shoot the fire ferret while she was distracted, but Fencer rolled to the side and fired off another flamethrower. Dodging the counterattack, the buzzard kept the pressure on with her machine guns.
"I made sure to pierce you good and deep while I was carrying you. Hope it doesn't sting too bad!" she cackled.
To get a break from the bullets, Fencer hid behind a corner. Once there, she heated up her front paws and pressed them against her open wounds. Being a creature with fire powers, this wasn't as painful as it would've been for other animals. She waited for Friday to follow her, intending to slash her once she rounded the corner. The moment the bird came into view, Fencer lashed out—
CLANG!
—only for her tail to be blocked by a knife Miss Friday was carrying in her beak. Before the fire ferret could react, Friday let loose with another round of bullets.
Fencer did her best to dodge, but at such close range, one of the bullets ended up hitting her in the side. Fighting the urge to scream, she returned the favor with another flamethrower, torching Friday's entire left wing. The bird tried retreating to gain some distance, but the Straw Hat quickly scaled a nearby wall and, once she was high enough, she used her flames to create a ring of fire. The Baroque Works agent was trapped.
"This ends now!" Fencer yelled, unleashing another fire blast. With nowhere to run, Miss Friday was engulfed in the flames.
The battle won, Fencer wanted to smile. However, her adrenaline rush was wearing off, causing her injuries and fatigue to catch up with her. Her vision blurred as she fell off the side of the wall. Before passing out completely, she saw something fly through the air above her head.
'Was that Declan?'
Mr. -1 and I sailed through the sky like a pair of baseballs. Eventually we landed on something surprisingly soft.
Righting myself, I found that, by some big coincidence, I had landed right on top of Mr. 2. Looking around, I saw that my evil twin had landed on Sanji.
We were both immediately thrown off by our respective landing pads. I felt a shit ton of pain as my false ribs fell off my spine.
"Mr. -1, how on Earth did you and that skeleton fall from the sky like that?" 2 asked.
"Mr. 4 tried to hit the skeleton, but he got both of us," -1 wheezed as he began exchanging blows with Sanji. Thankfully, he looked at least as worse for wear as I felt.
2 grinned and threw some ballet kicks at me. "This will do nicely. If we work together, we can bring these bigots to their knees."
"Wait, bigots?" Sanji asked as my clone assumed his hybrid form. "What the hell are you talking about?"
Knocking me back with a flurry of jabs, Bon Clay angrily replied, "Don't play coy like you did back on your ship! Mr. -1 told me all about your hatred for okamas!"
"WHAT?!" Sanji and I yelled.
-1 grinned. "Hey, Mr. 2, jump!"
He swept his water jet along the ground, forcing Sanji and me to leap up to avoid it. Unfortunately, this left us open for Mr. 2, who had jumped in advance. We managed to block his kicks but were still knocked to the ground.
The two agents rushed at us, but thankfully, Sanji had a move to turn things around. "Party Table Kick Course!" His spinning kick attack nailed our enemies in the chins.
I followed his lead and launched my fists at the number agents. "Rocket Punch!" Hitting them both in the chest, I recalled my fists and charged forward with Sanji following suit. We began engaging the opponents we had at the start of the battle, with Sanji facing Mr. 2 and me fighting Mr. -1.
Unfortunately, my evil counterpart had zeroed in on the broken stubs where my ribs used to be, and his shots hurt like hell. In response, I did what I'd done with the kung fu dugong and just strangled him. In the brief moment I had him subdued, I called out to Mr. 2, "Bon, we don't hate you! Is there any way to convince you that we're not as bad as -1 said?"
Credit to Mr. 2 for being able to contemplate my question despite exchanging blows with Sanji. "I suppose there is one thing you could do," he said. "However, this is neither the time nor the place. If we all survive this battle, you can prove it to me then."
"Fair enough," I conceded.
At that point, Mr. -1 finally got me to let go by kicking me in the pelvis. That didn't stop me though; I grabbed him by the shoulders and used my super speed to run him through one wall after the next. After a few dozen walls, the agent managed to trip me up, making us both fall. As we both groaned from our respective injuries, we noticed our new company.
"Hi, Miss Doublefinger," my twin greeted the Spike-Woman before spitting out some blood.
"Hi, Nami," I greeted our navigator. What I got in return was a punch to the face.
My scaly friend held up her Clima-Tact. "Why didn't you warn me this thing was full of party tricks?!"
"It slipped my mind," I got out, holding my face. "Now lay off! I'm banged up as it is!"
Meanwhile, Miss Doublefinger helped -1 to his feet. "Is the skeleton really giving you that much trouble?" she teased him.
"Why don't you fight him if you think it'll be so easy!" he replied.
"Hm, why not? Facing this little dino was getting annoying." Doublefinger flashed Nami a smile.
Nami and I shared looks, and I said, "Looks like we're swapping."
"You didn't forget Miss Doublefinger's powers too, did you?" Nami mocked.
"Nope," I answered, not rising to the bait. To get things started, I launched a rocket punch at the Baroque Works agent. To my surprise, she caught my fist before tossing it behind her.
Dashing up to me, she lashed out with an attack of her own. "Finger Stinger!"
She aimed for my face, but fortunately, I was able to parry and threw a roundhouse kick back. The Spike-Woman grunted in pain but didn't let up, turning her hands into spikes and thrusting them neatly through my ribs, piercing my shoulder blades.
"Aaaah! My scapulas!" I pushed Doublefinger away with a snap kick and advanced on her with my guard up, re-summoning Skeleton Buddy for assistance. When she tried to spear me again, I countered her with a knife-hand block and landed a punch to her face. My clone followed it up with a one-two punch, also to the face.
She spun in place, generating a spike from her elbow and piercing me right between the eyes. Before Skeleton Buddy could do anything, Doublefinger morphed her hands into spikes and hit him with a rapid barrage of thrusts, leaving him too damaged to fight and forcing me to dispel him. Trying to ignore all the pain, I grabbed her arm and the back of her head with my hands and swept one of her legs out from under her. But even slamming her headfirst into the ground wasn't enough to stop her, and a bunch of spikes burst from her body, nicking some of my already battered ribs.
"You brat!" Miss Doublefinger sneered. She curled up into a ball with even more spikes protruding from her. "Hedgehog Stinger!"
She rolled at me fast, but dodging her was simply a matter of leaping over her. She ended up crashing through a wall.
I picked up a fallen brick. When she came at me again, I threw it at her.
The brick hit her hard enough that it made her stop her attack. "You're just as annoying as the dinosaur after all," she growled.
Before our fight could continue, Mr. -1 came bursting through a wall, landing right in between us. Nami followed shortly after, though -1 nailed her with his water blast before she could keep up the attack.
"What happened with you guys?" I wondered aloud.
"Well, since you asked…" -1 spread out his arms. "Okay, everyone! Pause for a minute! I'm doing a flashback!"
Three minutes earlier
"So how exactly did you end up like this?" -1 asked as he slowly approached the Straw Hats' navigator. "I don't think I ever found that out."
"You're Declan. Shouldn't you know?" Nami asked, raising her Clima-Tact.
Before she could use it, Mr. -1 quickly made a grab for it. "Oh, no you don't!"
Nami kept moving back to gain some distance, but the agent was having none of it, staying on her like brown on rice.
"Now, answer my question!" he demanded.
"It happened because of a bug bite!" she shouted, using her Tact to counter his punches and kicks.
"A bug bite?" the agent repeated, confused. "What kind of bug on Little Garden that could cause that?"
"I don't know, okay?!" Nami yelled as she lashed out with a punch.
After sidestepping the uncharacteristic attack, -1 launched a water blast, which Nami only narrowly dodged. He then paused to ask another question, "Okay, so how did you guys end up with Mantax on your team?"
Regaining her footing, Nami looked at him in disbelief. "Why do you care?"
"I can be pretty curious. You should know, you've been on a crew with Declan for a while," -1 replied.
"He's not really like that," said Nami. "He knows almost everything he needs to know about this world, so he hasn't asked us that many questions about anything."
Mr. -1 got more aggressive in his attacks before finally managing to get a hold of her Clima-Tact. With a growl, he wrenched it from her grip and threw it away. He gave her a slasher smile, "Hehe, you're screwed now." The Agnaktor-man went in for a body shot. In a panic, Nami lashed out blindly with a punch of her own, hitting him in the face. The two combatants ended up hitting each other, both of them staggering back afterward.
-1 rubbed his cheek. "I guess that new look isn't just aesthetic."
Looking at her hands for a moment, Nami replied, "No, it isn't."
They reengaged. Mr. -1 pressed the attack while Nami dodged and parried his blows. Eventually, she saw an opening and landed another punch to the face.
Growling, -1 grabbed the navigator by the shoulders and dealt her the same treatment he'd received earlier by running her through the walls of a nearby house. Once he stopped on the next block over, Nami tried throwing another punch. This time, however, -1 ducked under the strike, got behind her, and put her in a headlock.
Nami squirmed to get out of the headlock before unwittingly using her claws on his forearms, forcing him to let go with a hiss of pain.
After checking the damage to his arms, -1 growled, "Well, I guess this is still better than getting struck by lightning."
"So that's why you took my Clima-Tact?" Nami asked.
"That's right. What are you in a fight without your precious gadget?" the agent mocked her. "I'm a martial artist while you barely know your own strength. Exhibit A." He moved in for a one-two-three to her gut, neck, and face.
Nami blocked the first strike but was hit by the next two. As he continued his assault, she lashed out with a kick, launching the Baroque Works agent through a wall and creating a hole right next to the one they had entered through.
"Seems like you had a bit of trouble," Miss Doublefinger joked.
"Shut up. I did fine," -1 growled. "I'm gonna go back to fighting my counterpart. You deal with the scalie wet dream over there." With that, he changed completely into his Glacial Agnaktor form and charged at me.
Nami and Doublefinger got the hell out of the way while I met my counterpart head-on. I punched him in the face. While it seemed to hurt him, it didn't stop his charge. He clamped his jaws down on me and ran through town, swinging his head around and smashing me against buildings and the ground.
To get free, I jabbed my finger against his face and made a contact shot. He yelled in pain and let me go, returning to his hybrid form. I tried to get up only to fall back down when my left humerus broke just below the shoulder. I did a quick self-inspection to assess the rest of the damage. Missing left arm, several missing ribs, cracked sternum, cracks in several of the thoracic vertebrae, and punctured shoulder blades. A few chipped pieces had also fallen out of my face, reminding me where Miss Doublefinger had nailed me earlier.
Mr. -1 charged at me. However, instead of throwing a punch or kick, he stomped on my left foot hard enough to smash some of my toes. I screamed in pain and fell to one knee, clutching my foot.
He laughed. "Think you can outrun me now?"
"Can you?" I shot back, bringing my fist down on his foot in return.
That must've been the last straw for -1 because he lost his composure and tackled me to the ground, snarling like a mad dog. It wasn't hard to see why. A quick glance and I saw that my fingertip had pierced him just below his left eye. He pinned my remaining arm with one hand and pressed my skull against the ground with the other.
Realizing he was trying to crush my skull, I had Skeleton Buddy appear beside me. He punched -1 in the face. Unfortunately, that was the only hit he got in as -1 threw me into him.
The two of us crashed into a wall, barely getting up in time to dodge another one of the agent's water blasts. We charged at him in a pincer formation. Mr. -1 took my punch head-on and focused on Skeleton Buddy. He bit down onto my clone's ribs, lifting him up by them and smashing him into the ground. Turning his attention back to me, he hit me with a sloppy but fierce barrage of punches.
My missing arm didn't help my defense against him. Eventually, he backed me against a wall. I wanted to recall and re-summon Skeleton Buddy, but I didn't want to absorb the pain from his rib injuries in addition to my own. I needed to stay conscious.
Keeping a grip on my remaining arm, -1 held my torso in place by the rib cage. He tried biting me again. The first time he did, I tilted my head to avoid it. The second time, however, he caught part of my face and bit off my right zygomatic bone.
"OW! FUCK!" I yelled. This was bad. -1 had me right where he wanted me. I couldn't dodge him, couldn't fight back, couldn't flee. If there was a way out of this situation, it wasn't occurring to me.
Mr. -1 reared his head back for another go at me. That's when it happened. A familiar black mass appeared behind -1. A long tail suddenly wrapped around his neck, snapping his head to the side with a sickening crack.
As he collapsed, I uttered the name of my savior, "Mantax."
The black Barraki breathed heavily as he replied, "You couldn't win even with your clone to assist you? That's rather pitiful, I'd say."
"…I guess you're right," I got out. There was nothing to say in my defense. Even when I'd fought my hardest, even when I'd brought out SB for backup, I'd still ended up at -1's mercy. It was a sobering thought. All I could do was change the subject. "Why are you panting?"
"I've been running for miles at full speed with no breaks," Mantax got out between breaths.
I nodded at that before dispelling Skeleton Buddy, which brought me to my knees as I felt the phantom pain from his injuries. Slowly getting back up, I said, "Let's go look for the rest of the crew."
We began making our way through the city. Due to my broken toes, Mantax decided to once again drag me with his tail. However, we were quickly confronted by a trio of soldiers—royal soldiers, to be specific.
"More rebels! Get them!" one of them shouted.
"I've got this," I said, squirming from my teammate's tail. Pointing my arm at them, I fired my fist at one, my radius at the second, and my ulna at the third, incapacitating them. It was refreshing to engage in such an easy fight after what had just gone down.
As I recalled my bones, Mantax said, "Alright, enough beating around the bush. Tell me how we end this fiasco."
"First, we should get the rest of the—"
"Forget them," he growled, cutting me off. "With your foreknowledge, we have less of a need for numbers. Now, tell me how this situation played out in your little comic books so we can stop it now." To demonstrate his lack of patience, Mantax grabbed my skull with his pincers, the tips threatening to crush my temporal bones.
In the shape I was in, I doubted I could beat Mantax, not to mention the fact that we were pressed for time, so I caved almost immediately.
"Owowow! Okay, okay, first we have to get rid of the bomb in the clock tower. We also have to get the two armies to stop fighting."
"I'll deal with the bomb. You use your speed to deal the armies," Mantax said, letting go of my head.
"No, you can't," I spat out as we continued moving. "The bomb will go off in less than half an hour. You'll never be able to get it out of range and get away in time on foot."
The black Barraki replied, "Then use your speed for that too."
"I can't run with broken toes."
"Then use your clone."
Before our little chat could continue, we were cut off by a familiar voice. "Hey!" We looked and saw Zoro lying on the ground, all slashed up from his fight with Mr. 1. "What are you two blathering about?"
"We were trying to figure out how to cut corners in the rest of this arc," I answered. "So far, our only plan was 'have Skeleton Buddy do all the work.'"
"Skeleton, just explain the remaining events of this part of the story in detail so we can come up with a proper plan," Mantax said, sounding even more impatient.
I sighed and helped our swordsman to his feet. "Alright, Zoro, you finished your battle, so I'm pretty sure that means the rest of the crew should have finished their battles about now too. That means it shouldn't be long before Vivi teams up with the rebel leader to try and talk down both armies, which will fail because there are Baroque Works sleeper agents in both armies."
"And after that?" Zoro asked.
"Not long after that, Luffy shows up on a falcon guy and fights Crocodile again while the rest of us look for the bomb. And once we find the bomb, the falcon guy carries it away, predictably with no time to spare."
"Bomb?"
"Yes, Zoro, a bomb."
My crewmates pondered my words briefly before the swordsman spoke up, "What if we can get Vivi to wait until Luffy shows up? Then she and the rebel leader really can talk down the armies with less risk of being killed by Crocodile."
"And your clone can find and knock out the sleeper agents with his super speed," Mantax followed up.
"Okay then, I'll give Vivi the news while you guys get to the clock tower. Just a warning, it's guarded by the Mr. 7 pair." I stuck my hand out. "Now, hands in the middle?"
"No," they deadpanned in unison.
"Heh, I didn't think so."
With that, we went our separate ways. I summoned Skeleton Buddy and had him carry me to the palace. As we navigated through all the warring soldiers, I hoped we weren't too late to try our plan.
Soon enough, we made it there. To get past the door with All Sunday's arms on it, we simply leaped over it, landing not too far away from the action. As cliche as it was, we arrived just in time to see Vivi convincing Kohza to call a truce between the armies. We stepped forward when we saw Crocodile about to strike at them, only to be caught off guard when Chaka intervened.
'Right, I forgot about him.' I exchanged glances with Skeleton Buddy.
"You know what to do!" I said just as he said, "I know what to do!" As he made his exit, I saw that Crocodile had thankfully been too preoccupied with Chaka to notice us. However, Miss All Sunday had noticed our presence. The only thing I could think to do was put my finger to my mouth, signaling her to be quiet.
Vivi and Kohza went and told the royal army to wave the white flag. I caught myself thinking, 'This might actually work!' Crocodile couldn't just attack them in plain sight because that would destroy the public image I was pretty sure he was still trying to keep up.
BANG!
"What the hell?" I muttered to myself, scanning both armies. Who the hell fired that shot? SB should've knocked out all the sleeper agents. They were all wearing Baroque Works symbols, for Pete's sake! Did he miss one or two? Finally, I spotted the gun that had been shot. It was being held by a third arm sticking out of a royal soldier. And that meant…
Slowly, I turned around to face the culprit. Now I was really pissed off. However, I didn't charge at Robin, limbs flailing. I didn't even raise my voice. I just quickly raised my hand and fired all of my distal phalanges at her at once.
She dodged them by simply crouching down. Taking my attack as a cue to leave, she quickly freed King Cobra and departed. A part of me wanted to chase her, but I was suddenly feeling low on energy, as if I had just lost the adrenaline rush that had kept me going until now. Weird, considering I didn't have any adrenaline.
I walked over to Crocodile, who was hoisting Vivi up by the throat.
The Warlord grinned as he finally noticed me. "Are you going to try and play hero next?"
"I don't know what I'm going to do." I sighed despondently, having no way to fight Crocodile effectively. "I never do. You guys have fun chatting." With that, I leapt over the edge of the palace wall, slowing my fall by digging my fingers into it.
After reaching the ground, it seemed like there wasn't much to do besides stand around. However, I was quickly reminded that I was on an active battlefield when a rebel soldier took a slash at me. Fortunately, my clone dashed in, knocking the soldier out with a hammer fist to the back of the head.
SB paused for a moment, thinking of what to say, before saying, "Thanks."
Rolling with that, I said, "I'm welcome."
"Did Crocodile drop Vivi yet?" SB asked. We both looked up to see that, coincidence or not, Crocodile had, in fact, just dropped Vivi. And that meant…
"CROCODILLLLLE!"
Luffy had finally shown up. We watched as he and Pell caught Vivi before landing lightly on the ground. Shortly after, the rest of the crew showed up one by one.
"You look a lot worse than you did the last time I saw you," Sanji snarked at me.
Having gotten over the surprise and joy of watching Luffy survive his first fight with Crocodile, Usopp looked around. "Wait a minute. Where's Zoro?"
"I had him and Mantax go to the clock tower to take out the Mr. 7 pair," I explained.
Vivi quickly realized why. "That's where Crocodile hid the bomb, isn't it?" she gasped.
"Bomb?!" Usopp and Chopper repeated in comical terror.
I nodded. "Crocodile had this whole place rigged to blow. He was gonna kill everyone and then take an ancient weapon for himself."
Skeleton Buddy picked up where I left off, "Pell, we're gonna need you to fly the bomb out of the city. It could blow up everything in a five-mile radius and it goes off at 4:30."
Realizing how urgent the situation was, Pell didn't ask any questions and quickly flew to the clock tower.
Usopp and Chopper looked even more terrified now. "Five miles?!"
"Well, miles or kilometers. I forget which." I turned to our captain, giving him a thumbs up. "Now, all that's left is for Luffy to kick ass."
Luffy grinned before slingshotting his way to Crocodile.
"So, what do the rest of us do?" a new voice said. We looked around but couldn't spot the source of the voice. "Down here."
Looking down, I saw my badly injured animal companion. "Fencer!" I picked her up. "Holy shit, I totally forgot about you!"
"Real flattering, dude," she wheezed out.
I turned to the rest of the crew. "Okay, at this point in the manga, after getting the bomb out of the way, you guys start knocking out soldiers to reduce the casualties. Then, Luffy eventually beats Crocodile and the battle stops."
Suddenly, a white blur moved through the crowd, knocking out or otherwise incapacitating all the soldiers from both armies. When it was over, the blur was revealed to be Skeleton Buddy.
"Man, super speed is so overpowered," he said.
"What now? Do we just wait around until Luffy defeats Crocodile?" Usopp asked.
"We could go save the king," my clone suggested.
Vivi gasped. "That's right! Crocodile has my father nailed to a wall!"
"He's not there anymore," I pointed out. "Robin's taking him to some underground catacomb thing."
"Who's Robin?" Nami asked.
I facepalmed. "I mean Miss All Sunday."
"Then let's go! I know where the tomb Declan mentioned is." Vivi began walking away when Sanji stopped her by putting his hand on her shoulder.
"Hold on, Vivi. You're still needed here."
"What are you talking about? We need to save my father!"
The blonde chef gestured to the downed soldiers all around, "When these guys come to, that might be your chance to talk them down."
Vivi frowned, "I want to try that again too, Sanji, but the last time I did, a Baroque Works sleeper agent fired a shot and reignited the battle."
"That wasn't a sleeper agent, that was All Sunday," I explained. "SB got all the sleeper agents."
"And since Miss All Sunday isn't here anymore…" Vivi trailed off, her eyes widening. "This is our chance!" She made her way to the palace entrance, finding Kohza lying there, injured.
"Princess!" We all looked to see Pell returning. "I've moved the bomb a safe distance from the city, so there should be no damage when it goes off."
Speaking of damage, the sound of a building crumbling caught our attention. Facing the palace, we saw a series of sandy explosions blooming across the block.
"What the hell is that?!" Usopp asked.
"Crocodile is drying up everything around him," I answered.
"Look up there!" Chopper pointed to a higher point on the palace.
Following his gaze, we spotted Luffy in Crocodile's grasp.
Usopp and Chopper made for the palace, but SB and I held them in place.
"Let us go! We've gotta save him!" our sniper shouted.
"Will you calm the fuck down!?" I shouted. Unfortunately, Crocodile dropping Luffy's dried husk didn't help my case. "Luffy's gonna bounce back from this in three…two…" As I counted down, some of the water Luffy had shot at the Warlord fell back down on him, rehydrating him. "See?"
The crew calmed down slightly seeing my prediction come true. However, Nami suddenly raised a question. "Hey, shouldn't Zoro and Mantax be back here by now?"
"This is the last time I let you take the lead," Mantax growled.
Zoro brushed him off. "Relax. We must be close to the others by now."
"We're in an underground tomb with no one in sight," the black Barraki said sternly. "Why in the world did you enter this place after stumbling upon it? You should've known full well the rest of the crew wouldn't be down here."
That made the swordsman chuckle. "Actually, knowing Luffy, I wouldn't be surprised if he found his way down here too."
Mantax was about to reply when he paused. Grabbing Zoro by the neck, he dashed behind a nearby pillar. "Be quiet. Someone is coming," he said as he released his crewmate.
Peeking out from behind the pillar, the two Straw Hats witnessed Miss All Sunday leading a man they didn't recognize through the room. Crocodile's partner seemed suspicious, her eyes darting around the room.
"Why's she so on edge?" Zoro whispered.
"We left the door open when we entered this place. She knows she's not alone in here," Mantax answered.
They continued watching as All Sunday opened a heavy door, revealing a room containing a large object. Said object looked like a giant slab of stone with unknown writing carved on it.
As she approached it, Zoro wondered, "Is she trying to read that thing?"
"It would appear so."
The pair continued watching as the agent expressed disappointment in whatever she had read. Crocodile showed up less than a minute later. It surprised them when All Sunday and the Warlord had a short but intense fight over her hiding the information she'd found from him.
They were even more surprised when Luffy barged through a wall mere moments afterwards. However, most shocking of all was how, after arguing back and forth for a moment, Luffy landed a clean hit on Crocodile despite the latter being made of sand.
Once their captain confirmed that he had accomplished this by soaking his fists in his own blood, Mantax decided to act. Wiping his pincer against Zoro's bloody chest, he moved without making a sound from the floor to the wall and then to the ceiling, waiting for the right moment to strike. Once Crocodile unveiled his poisonous hook, he decided to catch him mid-monologue and dropped down. To his disbelief, however, Crocodile simply side-stepped him. To avoid a potential counterattack, Mantax leapt over to Luffy's side.
Luffy was happy to see one of his crewmates. "Taxma—"
"Don't even finish that," the Barraki interrupted. Never taking his eyes off Crocodile, he asked, "How could you have known to dodge me?"
The Warlord grinned. "A single drop of blood fell off your hand and, contrary to what I'm sure you were thinking, I wasn't too busy monologuing to notice."
Mantax growled before calling out, "Neon, get out here! I'll be needing more blood for this fight!"
"Just what I need, another nickname," Zoro complained as he stepped out into the open. "Also, what am I, your personal blood bank?"
"Just give us your assistance," Mantax said. "It's not like Crocodile will simply leave you be."
Zoro sighed as he drew his swords and covered them in his own blood. "I'm starting to hate you as much as the cook."
"Okay, so we have everything planned out?" Sanji asked.
After Chopper had patched Kohza up, we all had started planning Vivi and Kohza's second shot at talking down the armies.
The rest of the crew and I made ourselves scarce. We figured it would be better for everyone if a group of pirates wasn't involved in this process. If Vivi had to explain how she'd ended up with our crew, it might break the soldiers' suspension of disbelief. Moments later, a couple of rebel soldiers started coming to.
"Good, you're up," Kohza said as he helped them up. "Now we can tell you why this fighting needs to end."
The soldiers were taken aback. "You're still buying into that?! That was just a trick so the royal army could take you out!"
"That thought did cross my mind, but look at this," Kohza gestured to Vivi, who was dragging an unconscious royal soldier toward them. The rebel leader rolled up the soldier's sleeve, exposing the Baroque Works logo tattooed on his arm. "I have reason to believe men like him were planted in both armies to help incite conflict."
"So, he's got a tattoo. So what?" one of the rebels asked.
Kohza simply pointed to another unconscious rebel whose hat also bore a Baroque Works logo.
"That doesn't mean anything, sir," the other rebel said. "Maybe they were just part of some club?"
Sighing in annoyance, Kohza slapped the tattooed soldier awake. "Sorry for the rude awakening, but does the name 'Baroque Works' mean anything to you?"
The soldier stiffened and began stuttering, "Uh, n-nope. N-never heard of it."
Such a nervous reaction made Kohza's claim seem a bit more reasonable.
Following Kohza's lead, Pell dragged a tattooed royal soldier over to Vivi. Putting on an annoyed attitude, the princess said, "Hey, Crocodile's getting impatient. Is the princess dead yet?"
"We're working on it, alright?" the soldier said groggily. Once he fully woke up, he realized that he'd basically spilled the beans.
"I think I'm starting to believe you, sir," one of the rebels said.
"Glad to hear it. I'll need your help to convince everyone else," Kohza nodded.
One by one, more soldiers were awakened and convinced to stop fighting, not to mention the various sleeper agents that were outed. Partway through, there was an explosion miles in the distance, which certainly helped wake everyone up. Vivi, Kohza, and Pell explained that it was caused by a bomb Crocodile had planted. Shortly after, there was a deep rumbling noise from below, and Crocodile himself erupted from the ground.
Vivi smiled, knowing Luffy had finally defeated the Warlord. The list of fortunate happenings grew as rain began to fall, literally dampening both armies' will to fight even further.
The crew and I kept moving.
"Are you sure we have to leave, Declan? Can't we just take a rest?" Usopp whined.
"We can't stop," I said as I led the crew on. "We have to move around a little in order to meet up with Luffy and the king." At least, that's what I was hoping to accomplish. I didn't exactly know where I was going, and to make things worse, every other step I took reminded me that I was badly injured.
In the end, I lucked out. Cobra appeared in front of us, carrying Luffy on his back. To my surprise, Mantax was with him, carrying an unconscious Zoro under his left arm.
Cobra looked over to Mantax. "Is this the 'crew of morons' you mentioned?"
"Morons?!" we all shouted in a rage.
"Where do you get off calling us that?!" Nami raged.
"And where have you even been this whole time?" Usopp continued.
Mantax quickly explained how he and Zoro had found their way into the hidden tomb by complete accident before assisting Luffy in his fight with Crocodile. "Afterwards, the captain and swordsman passed out from exhaustion, and here we are," he finished.
"Daddy! Everyone!" We all turned to see Vivi approaching, breaking into a run when she saw her father. Once everyone got over the surprise of finding out who Cobra was, the king asked his daughter a question, "Now that things have calmed down, Vivi, did you cut your hair while you were gone?"
Vivi's eye twitched as she pointed at Fencer, "That was her!"
"Uh, yeah, we were enemies when we first met and I kinda cut her hair," Fencer explained, feeling awkward telling the king that she gave his daughter an unwilling haircut.
"Now that that's settled, you two should go address your people," Sanji said.
"Right," Usopp agreed. "Now that the war's been stopped, you need to rally everyone together.
Vivi offered to give us credit for helping her stop Crocodile, but we turned her down. Once the royal family was gone, I heard a series of thumps and turned around to see that everyone—save Mantax—had collapsed.
The black Barraki set Zoro down before taking a seat. "I could use a rest myself."