Chapter 19

By some lucky coincidence, all the teams made it back to the ship at around the same time—well, all except one.

"Hey, where's Luffy?" Usopp asked.

"And Chopper?" Nami continued.

"And Kalmah?" Skeleton Buddy finished.

"Perhaps they were devoured by wildlife," Robin guessed.

Fencer was quick to retort, "Get real, birdbrain. Luffy probably just got them lost."

"That does sound like Luffy," Sanji agreed. "Funny we should talk about getting lost when Moss-head made it back here just fine."

"Real funny," Zoro frowned.

I was pleased to see that the Merry wasn't as damaged as it had been in canon. There was less fire damage than I remember, and the mast was still in one piece. The crew elected to camp on solid ground rather than staying on the altar, Usopp gathering some intel about everyone's endeavors.

"Nothing happened with us," Fencer reported on behalf of our team.

"Our trip was also uneventful, save for the fact that we managed to run into the rest of you multiple times," Ehlek said.

"So glad you guys had peaceful trips," Usopp said, folding his arms. "We got attacked by one of Eneru's priests! His name was Shura, and he used a lance and rode a bird."

"We encountered a priest as well," Robin reported. "His name was Gedatsu."

"He was an idiot," Mantax and Sanji deadpanned together.

I chuckled, "Yeah, I know."

Mantax nodded before continuing, "It was strange. As stupid as he was, he could always predict our attacks."

"We had a bit of trouble fighting Shura for the same reason," Usopp added.

"So, the priests can predict attacks. Interesting," Ehlek said as he grabbed my lower spine with his mandibles, hoisting me into the air with relative ease. "Let's go, skeleton. There's more training to be done."

"Hold it! I'm coming with you two this time!" Fencer declared as she scurried after us.

Once we were far enough away, Ehlek put me down. I attempted to smack him for manhandling me, but he ducked and came at me with a headbutt, which I countered with one of my own. It looked like the training session had already begun.

We parted, and Ehlek said, "Your fighting instincts have improved a bit."

Suddenly, Fencer snuck up behind him and slashed his ankle, bringing him down to one knee. We both advanced, but Ehlek spun in place, making great swings with his claws and forcing us to give him ground. The two of us attacked in tandem, Fencer using her flamethrower while I went in for a punch.

"Thunderbolt!" Ehlek shouted, firing a blast of blue lightning that filled the air with the smell of ozone. His attack countered Fencer's while he blocked my punch with his forearm.

He followed up with a slash. I turned, stopping his forearm with my own, before throwing a sideways hammerfist that struck him hard in the side of the head.

Ehlek retaliated by wrapping his arms around me and throwing me at Fencer.

Working the advantage of being such a tiny target, my ferret dodged by leaping over me, heading straight for Ehlek. Tail and talon met again and again. Fencer landed nimbly on the ground and tried a fire attack at close range. But just like before, Ehlek met it with a thunderbolt. The two attacks created an explosion so large it blew them both back, though both recovered quickly.

Fencer shouted, "Keep out of my friend's head!"

Ehlek laughed before facing me. "If this is really so damaging to you, why not tell the captain on me?" He paused for a second. "Come to think of it, skeleton, you've known I was a bad person since before we even met. Shouldn't you of all people have objected to our joining your crew?" Before I could answer, he went on, "Oh, wait. It doesn't matter, because I'm the only one here ready, willing, and able to mold you into something more than what you are."

Fencer and I stood in place, stunned by Ehlek's pride.

"You are so full of crap," Fencer spat. "Pridak told us all about how you like to torment people until they break."

Ehlek nodded. "That was true. But your friend has actually shown improvement under these conditions. And believe me, I'm not one for false compliments."

"Bullshit," I cut in.

"Okay, fine," Ehlek chuckled. "I am one for false compliments, but only when I'm trying to curry someone's favor, which isn't the case here. I neither need nor want your favor. You're the one who needs me."

Fencer shot me a look. "You don't actually believe that shit, right?"

I didn't respond, which concerned her. But before the debate could grow any hotter, Zoro and Sanji came onto the scene.

"Sorry to interrupt, but we're gathering firewood. Mind lending a hand?" Zoro asked.

"Very well," Ehlek nodded, and the conversation came to an end.

We all foraged around the forest a bit more, filling our arms, paws, and claws with firewood before returning to the campsite.

"Ah, Ehlek, get this," Pridak said, pointing at Robin. "This one here thought we should put out the campfire."

"Ha! That's a good one," Ehlek laughed.

That surprised me. "You guys like camping too?"

Mantax answered, "Of course we do. We often had campfire parties during some of our longer campaigns. It was one of the few occasions where we didn't horribly oppress our soldiers."

"Maybe it was fine when you had a whole army with you," said Nami, "but with just us, it could attract danger."

In just a moment, she was proven right as a bunch of wolves emerged from the forest.

Usopp freaked out, I was nonchalant, and the rest of the crew got ready for a fight.

Pridak, however, beat us to the punch and stepped forward to meet them. "Mantax, Ehlek, with me."

His compatriots joined him and in thirty incredibly bloody seconds, the wolves were all dead. I got the feeling that Pridak would've been grinning if he'd had lips.

"Tonight, we feast!"

Chopper and Usopp fainted at the macabre display, while Sanji grabbed me and my clone by the scapulae. "Declan, SB, I'll need help preparing this much meat."

There wasn't much point in arguing, so SB and I got to work helping our chef fix up a fine meal for the crew. We were nearly done when the sound of snapping branches drew us outside again.

We all looked up to see a large, angelic-looking dragon breaking through the canopy. It fluttered in place for a moment, then lowered itself until it was hovering over the ground, allowing Luffy, Chopper, and Kalmah to hop off.

"I SMELL MEAT!" Luffy roared.

Once we all picked our jaws up off the ground, Nami pointed to the dragon and said, "Luffy, explain now!"

Our captain grinned. "Well, we were walking, and then we ran into a giant snake and got lost. Then we met Amatsu and he agreed to help us kick God's ass!"

"Amatsu?" Zoro repeated.

"Forget that! How the hell'd you get a dragon to help you out?!" Usopp shouted.

Kalmah stepped in to expand on Luffy's explanation. "While we were trying to find our way, we spotted something overhead. The captain followed it and it turned out to be this dragon, who refers to itself as Amatsu. It's helping us because it hates Eneru."

"I don't know if we have enough servings for all of us and a dragon," Sanji noted.

Amatsu roared, which Fencer translated as, "No problem. I can simply go hunting. I'll be back shortly."

With that, the hundred-foot dragon floated above the treeline and departed.

After all that they'd faced on this journey, it wasn't long before the shock of the dragon began to dissipate. With the beast gone and dinner on the grill, the rest of the crew began partying. The Kiddy Trio laughed as they danced around, and soon even Ehlek and Pridak had joined in.

The Barraki all had booze of their own to share with the crew. Nami and Zoro were particularly taken with Pridak's champagne and Mantax's fine wine. They also enjoyed Kalmah's vodka. Ehlek didn't have anything to offer, since he couldn't grab and store anything in hammerspace with his talons, but he did know how to drink.

Luffy asked me to sing for the party, but I declined. I simply took a seat beside Robin.

"Aren't you going to join in the festivities?" she asked.

I shrugged. "I'm not really a party guy. I didn't party when Chopper joined us either."

Robin raised an eyebrow. "They threw a party when Dr. Teddy Bear joined?" She noticed the look I was giving her. "What?"

"You just called him Dr. Teddy Bear," I pointed out.

Her eyes widened a bit as she realized I was right. She tried to backpedal, "I meant Mr. Doctor."

"You mean Mr. Doctor Teddy Bear?" I said jokingly.

'Oh, my God, I think she just blushed a little.' That made me chuckle. But the next thing I knew, my skull had been pulled off my neck from behind. Disoriented, I tried unsuccessfully to make a grab for my head.

"Hey! Give him back his head!" Fencer demanded.

"Or what?" Robin taunted her.

"Or this!" The fire ferret nicked Robin's leg with her tail.

Unfazed, Robin looked at the cut for a second before activating her powers. An arm spawned on the ground next to Fencer and flicked her in the forehead. In retaliation, Fencer leapt at Robin.

In the chaos, my skull had been totally forgotten. Chopper picked it up and placed it in my hands, allowing me to see something I never imagined I'd see: Nico Robin caught up in a big ball of violence.

As I jammed my skull back onto my neck, an idea occurred to me.

I put an arm over Usopp's shoulder and whispered, "I've got a sick plan and I need your help."

After explaining it to him, he nodded enthusiastically. With everyone else distracted by Fencer and Robin's fight, we were able to sneak away undetected. Once our preparations were complete, I rejoined the crew.

"Hey, guys, since we're camping, how about I tell a scary story?"

"Is it actually scary, or are you just flattering yourself?" Pridak asked. Everyone else's attention was on me too. Robin had Fencer by the neck and Fencer was about to slit Robin's wrists, but even they paused to listen.

"I think it's pretty scary," I said.

"Hey, where's Usopp?" Zoro asked. "He'd love this."

I shrugged. "I don't know. Anyway, everybody gather round." Once they had done so, I began my story. "Now, has anyone heard of the Hash-Slinging Slasher?"

"The Trash-Bringing Crasher?" Luffy repeated from his spot at the edge of the group.

I repeated myself, "The Hash-Slinging Slasher."

"The Sash-Stringing—the Bash-Flinging-Singing—"

As Luffy went on, trying to get the name right, I exchanged glances with the rest of the crew. Eventually, Luffy finished, "The Flash-Dinging, the Mash-Pinging. Uh."

"Yes. The Hash-Slinging Slasher," I deadpanned. I then took on a more sinister tone, "Then again, most people don't even get the chance to get his name right. He kills them before they can even finish saying it."

"Go on," Ehlek said, leaning forward.

I nodded. "He started out as just some random fry cook. But, one night, when he was cutting some patties, it happened."

"He forgot the secret sauce?" Sanji guessed.

"No."

"He didn't wash his hands?"

"No."

"He cut the meat into irregular portions?"

"NO!" I shouted, losing my patience. "He cut off his own hand by mistake."

Chopper gasped.

"In his panic, he slipped on his own blood. He fell and hit his neck on the edge of the counter, paralyzing him. He called for help, but no one heard him as he bled out," I went on.

'Okay, I've set the stage. Now to try and make this story scary.'

"Furious over the circumstances of his death, he rose again as a vengeful spirit. Replacing his hand with a kitchen knife, he began murdering anyone who ignored him. So you'd better hope you never come across him. Because if you do—"

I chopped my hand through my neck, decapitating myself.

Ehlek didn't seem impressed. "I've heard and seen scarier things than that."

"Look, I did my best, okay?" I defended myself, reattaching my head.

Suddenly, Usopp appeared, a terrified look on his face.

"Where have you been?" Nami asked.

Usopp didn't respond. Instead, he just collapsed, revealing a bloody stab wound in his back.

Everyone except the Barraki and Robin stood up in alarm. Through the darkness, we all saw the silhouette of a slouched figure walking slowly toward us. As he came closer, his shape grew more distinct, revealing a heavy hooded coat and pants. Underneath his hood, his eyes glowed a fiery orange. He raised his right hand, revealing a bloody knife protruding from his sleeve.

Nami and Chopper screamed while I backed away nervously. The figure ran his fingers almost reverently along the blade. Sanji tensed up for a fight, but the Barraki didn't move.

"Why the hell are you so calm?!" Zoro asked them.

"Because the blood on Long-Nose, as well as the knife—" Pridak began.

"It smells," Kalmah said.

"Like," Mantax said.

"Ketchup," Ehlek finished.

The hooded figure didn't try to dispute them. The rest of the crew slowly returned their gaze to Usopp's "corpse."

I dropped my nervous act and relaxed. "They saw through it, guys."

"Aw, man! We worked so hard on it." The Hash-Slinging Slasher pulled back his hood, revealing himself as Skeleton Buddy. Usopp got up off the ground and wiped the ketchup off his back.

"WHAAAAT?!" most of the crew shouted.

"Yes, that's right," Usopp grinned. "Declan came up with a plan to tell you some cheap ghost story while SB and I played the slasher and victim."

"But how did you make SB's eyes glow?" Chopper asked.

"Easy. I put some tiny candles in my eye sockets," my clone explained.

Robin raised an eyebrow. "Doesn't that burn?"

"Yes, it does!" He quickly pulled the candles out of his head.

Pridak chuckled, "Your prank was decent enough. If it weren't for our enhanced senses, we may have fallen for it ourselves."

"Does this mean we can get back to partying?" Luffy asked.

With the captain's attention span exhausted, the party resumed. I even came up with another idea to keep things going, "Anyone up for truth or dare?"

"I'm in," Fencer said.

"Me too!" Luffy agreed. "What is it?"

The rest of the crew was game as well, so we gathered in a circle to play.

"Alright, before we begin, let's lay down a rule," I said. "If someone refuses a dare, please don't taunt them over it. That'll just turn into a fight, and it'll ruin the whole game."

"Fair enough," Robin agreed.

"I'll go first. Robin," I addressed our archaeologist. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth," she said.

"I figured you'd choose that," I chuckled. I put my hands on my knees and took on a teasing tone of voice, "Are we growing on you?"

Robin paused for a second, then appeared to inspect herself. "No, it doesn't appear that you are."

"Oh, haha," I deadpanned. I couldn't tell if it was a good or bad sign that she'd avoided giving a real answer.

Since it was now her turn, Robin asked Nami, "Miss Navigator, truth or dare?"

Probably figuring she could trust Robin not to ask anything too extreme, Nami said, "Dare."

After a moment's thought, Robin said, "I dare you to roar."

The rest of us tensed a bit at that.

"Um, Robin dear?" Sanji said. "Maybe you should pick a different—"

"It's fine, Sanji. I don't mind," Nami assured him. "I've never roared before, but here goes."

She stood up, took a deep breath, and let out a huge, bestial roar like something out of Jurassic Park. If I hadn't watched her do it myself, I never would've guessed that sound had come from her.

"I think I want my mommy," Usopp whimpered.

"That was impressive," Pridak said.

At that moment, Amatsu returned from his hunting trip. We filled him in on our game and he requested to join.

Sitting back down, Nami asked Kalmah, "Truth or dare?"

"Dare," said the crimson Barraki.

"I dare you to take a bite out of one of your own tentacles," Nami grinned.

"Oh, savage," Fencer chimed in.

Kalmah showed no major reaction. "Is this payback for calling you 'dinosaur?'" When the navigator nodded, he continued, "Well, you could've asked for much worse."

With that, he took a big bite out of the tip of his right tentacle. Silver blood slowly poured from the fresh wound. Usopp and Chopper looked ready to faint at the sight.

"Captain, truth or dare?" Kalmah asked.

"Dare!" Luffy said excitedly.

"Hmm," Kalmah thought for a moment, tapping his chin with his intact tentacle. "I dare you to stretch out your arms and let the crew play double dutch."

"Sure," said the captain without hesitation, holding out his arms.

I walked over, grabbed Luffy's wrists, and took several large steps back, stretching his arms out. Usopp and Chopper snapped out of their funk and got into position. I spun Luffy's arms and the two enjoyed a merry game of jump rope. The rest of the crew smiled at the sight.

Eventually, Usopp and Chopper tired out, and that was the end of that.

Retracting his arms, Luffy looked at me and said, "I have a truth or dare for SB."

I was surprised, but I obliged him and had Skeleton Buddy appear.

"I'm gonna go with truth," he said right away.

"What's it like being a clone?"

Neither of us were prepared for a question like that, especially from Luffy.

Taking a second to think about it, SB answered, "Well, it feels kinda weird sometimes." My clone looked back at me. "Feeling like you're someone, but knowing you're really not. Also, it's a bit challenging to pop out of existence and then reappear conveniently up to speed with whatever's going on. It keeps you on your toes!"

"We try not to think about it," I followed up. To get our minds off the subject, I pointed to my clone. "It's your turn."

He nodded. "Sure, uh, Chopper, truth or dare?"

"I pick dare," the little reindeer answered.

SB chuckled. "I dare you to let one of the crew snuggle with you."

The Barraki all got a chuckle out of my dare, but Chopper was just annoyed. "I'm not a te—Oh, forget it." He looked the crew over and quickly made his choice. "Nami."

The navigator smiled and took Chopper in her arms, squeezing him gently.

"Huh, that was sweeter than I thought it'd be." I shrugged. "Oh well. Chopper, your turn next."

"Okay. Um, Mr. Amatsu, truth of dare?" our doctor asked the dragon.

Amatsu let out the dragon equivalent of a laugh and made some noises, which Fencer translated as, "Mr.? I prefer 'lord', but at least one of you ingrates is actually showing me some respect. I pick truth."

"Why do you always go on about how you want respect?" the reindeer asked.

"Why wouldn't I?" Amatsu replied, Fencer translating once more. "Respect is the right of a superior species." The elder dragon launched into the air and began doing aerial acrobatics as Chopper took over translating, "I am one of the rarest, greatest, and most majestic creatures on this planet. Lesser beings should bow in my presence!"

We all frowned at his blatant narcissism, and Pridak asked, "If that's the case, then why not scare all of Skypiea into submission? Maybe eat a few to make an example?"

Amatsu scoffed, "Is that a joke? I said I want respect and admiration, did I not? Actions like that would only garner fear and hatred." The dragon drifted back down to the ground. "You can't force people to like you, lest you achieve the opposite effect."

And just like that, our collective opinion of our new ally rose a bit. We did a couple more truths and dares, but eventually everyone decided to turn in for the night.

This left me to pace around and pass the time until morning.

Suddenly, Ehlek appeared, wrapped an arm around me, and dove into the cloud water.

I struggled to get free of his grasp, but he didn't seem to notice as he swam to the altar and leapt to the top.

"What was that about?" I asked. He simply pointed his talons. Following his gaze, I saw a small, ghostly figure. It resembled a little kid in a raincoat holding a wooden mallet. I recognized her instantly.

"How'd you know I was here?" the figure asked.

"Never underestimate the power of paranoia," Ehlek replied smugly. "Hold on a minute." He leapt off the altar.

This left me alone with the ghost of the Merry. I didn't really know what to say. Fortunately, the awkward silence was quickly broken by Ehlek returning with Usopp under his arm.

"You sensed him from the shore? You really are paranoid," Merry's spirit said.

"Was that supposed to be an insult?" Ehlek replied. "Now, what are you? I assume you already know." He directed that last part at me.

"Um, could you put me down?" Usopp asked. Being manhandled had distracted him from the shock of seeing a klabautermann.

I decided to answer Ehlek's question, "This little ghost is basically the Merry personified."

"How is that possible?" The green Barraki was surprised enough to drop Usopp, who was also shocked.

Getting up, Usopp asked, "Merry? Is that you?"

The ghost nodded. "Yes, Usopp, it's me."

Our sniper turned to me, asking, "H-How?"

"And why now?" Ehlek added.

Keeping my gaze on Merry, I asked, "Can I tell them?"

"If you really want to," Merry nodded.

Facing my friend and my coach from hell, I gave them the harsh, blunt truth, "The Merry is dying."

Usopp's eyes widened. "What? It can't be."

Ehlek didn't sound nearly as concerned. "That makes sense. The knock-up stream was a tough journey. When do we get a new ship, skeleton?"

I pointed my fingers at him, ready to fire my phalanges. "You don't get to make light of this, Ehlek. This is serious."

Usopp nodded. "That's right. We've let you get away with a lot, but this is where we draw the line."

The green Barraki was unfazed. "Fine, I'll rephrase. Skeleton, how do we fix our precious ship?"

I hesitated for a second before admitting the truth, "We can't. And I don't have any kind of plan to save her."

"What a shame. Too bad there are no Toa of Plant Life in this dimension," Ehlek said nonchalantly. "I'm sure one of them could fix a wooden ship."

"You're not helping," Usopp, Merry, and I chorused.

Shifting back to the main topic, Usopp asked Merry, "How much longer do you have?"

"I think I can last for another few islands, but after that, I'll be done for," Merry said somberly.

Thankfully, Ehlek's next sentence wasn't insensitive, "Should we tell the rest of the crew?"

"We'll have to sooner or later," I nodded. "You guys get back to bed. I'll help Merry fix herself up a bit more."

My crewmates looked like they wanted to protest, but part of them knew my future knowledge was seldom wrong. They complied and I picked up a hammer. While I could speed up the repairs a little, I knew that I couldn't magically make the damage non-fatal.

The next morning, everyone noticed the repairs to our ship. At breakfast, I did one of the things I was best at: giving a blunt answer.

"The Merry is alive and I helped her fix herself."

"Are you serious?" Fencer asked.

Sanji knocked on the wall. "I know we've seen some crazy stuff, but—"

"Grand Line, remember?" I said, shutting down any further argument.

"If the ship can fix itself, why hasn't it been doing so more often?" Pridak asked.

"I don't think she could the whole time," I said. "I'm assuming she gradually became sentient the more we cared about her."

"Is that how she steered herself back at Whiskey Peak?" Zoro wondered aloud.

Chopper's eyes widened. "The Merry steered herself?"

Ehlek took that moment to whisper into my ear—or rather, the spot on my head where my ear would have been. "You can tell them the ship is dying later. Bringing it up now will only distract them from the mission."

I nodded and racked my brain for an idea of what to do next. Thankfully, I came up with a half-baked idea.

"Guys, I just remembered a little more about how this arc plays out: some of us look for ruins and the rest stay on the ship and sail it for reasons I forget. But I think that at least some of us should head for the beanstalk as well."

"No, wait, don't tell me," Kalmah deadpanned. "That location is relevant to the events of this arc."

"You got it," I admitted.

"Any ideas for who should go where?" Zoro asked.

I shrugged. "Not at all."

The crew stared at me in awe.

"It was your idea! Follow through on it!" Nami said.

"Okay, okay," I raised my hands defensively. "Uh, Robin can go to the ruins. I know she wants to look there. Sanji, Mantax, and, uh, Kalmah can go with her. Luffy, Zoro, Pridak, Fencer, and I will go to the beanstalk. And Gan Fall, Usopp, Nami, Ehlek, Chopper, and SB will steer the ship."

"Sounds fine to me," Zoro agreed.

Amatsu reminded us he was there by roaring, which Chopper translated, "Where do I fit into this plan, skeleton?"

I scratched my head. "Uh, I guess you can come with us to the beanstalk? It would save us a hell of a climb."

The elder dragon roared in agreement. And so, we began the day's operation.