(June 25, 2024)—-
"Hey everybody, this is Christian Weston Chandler coming to you live from the Sonichu Temple once again. There will be no captain's log introduction today… because I have some very sad news to share. I have just been informed by some of my CWCistan guardians that Goro Akechi has been… killed. Killed by trolls, among which. Akechi was a very loyal individual. He kept law and order in place, among which making sure everyone followed the rules I put in place. Among which… he is now dead. Akechi was weak. He couldn't keep the trolls at bay. And now look at what happened. We've lost control of that region. It is lost. It was Klonoa… and his highly dangerous and trollsome friends. Klonoa corrupted all the females in Akechi's region… and they overpowered him. I've already lost too many loyal fans of the Sonichu comics and I will not stand for it. This massive scheme of hatred and wrong-doing must come to an end. Whomever brings me the troll Klonoa will be rewarded handsomely and among which they will be featured in the next Sonichu comic. This individual then may get discounts on the Sonichu store website, among which. I also want to give a message to Suomi… I chose you to bear my daughter, Crystal Weston Chandler, among which you seem to have been brainwashed by the trolls. You're welcome back to me… anytime. And we will get to work bringing new life into the world. And that is my message. Curse Klonoa and all of his trolls, and to the rest of y'all… have a good safe day."
"What the heck did I just listen to?" I asked Yu, who was sitting in the passenger seat while I drove.
"One of Chris-chan's updates." Yu answered. "Sounds like you've just put yourself on his radar by taking out one of his lieutenants."
"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" I asked a little bit nervously.
"It's probably mostly a bad thing, but don't worry about it." Yu started. "Suomi and I will watch your back no matter what happens. Isn't that right, Suomi?" There was no answer. "Suomi?" Yu looked towards the back seat and saw Suomi fast asleep. We were taking eight hour shifts driving, and only one of us could sleep in the back seat. Suomi had been up the past sixteen hours, so it's no surprise that she was fast asleep in the back. I couldn't wait to find a half-decent place to stay in this region… the only problem was we couldn't find one.
"I know she agrees with you." I said gleefully. We kept driving aimlessly for an hour, then at about noon we found a nice-looking area that had a picnic bench. Yu went to the trunk to get some MREs (Meals Ready to Eat) the girls back in Akechi's region gave us for the road and I went to the back seat to rouse Suomi. Little fun fact: Suomi and I are both kind of small so stretching out in the back seat wasn't much of a problem for us. For Yu though, it was terrible. As fun as road tripping with my two best friends was, I was excited to sleep in an actual bed again.
"Hey. Suomi. Wake up." I whispered to her as I lightly shook her awake. She slightly opened her eyes, clearly still exhausted.
"Mmmmphh…" Suomi moaned as she rubbed her eyes. "Wha's goin' on?"
"We found a place to eat." I said slightly above a whisper. "Want to eat with us?"
"Yeah… just give me a minute or two to wake up." Suomi leaned up with her head still hanging down. I went to the picnic bench, picked out an MRE I thought would taste ok, then started preparing it.
"Hold on just a moment." Yu said as he got off the bench. "I need to… water a plant."
"Oh, that's nice of you." I said. Yu was walking towards the treeline but he forgot a water bottle. How could he water some plants when he didn't bring a water bottle? "Yu wait… you forgot a water bottle!"
"He doesn't need one…" Suomi said as she walked over to the picnic bench. "I think he meant he has to 'virtsata.'"
"Virtsata?" I asked confused. Suomi came close to me.
"He has to pee." She whispered to me. With that in mind I took care to not look in Yu's direction. Suomi and I sat there preparing our MREs when Yu came back to the table with a troubled look on his face.
"You washed your hands… right?" Suomi asked while slightly cringing. Yu seemed to ignore her comment.
"Look at this…" Yu dropped something on the table. It looked like some sort of battery. It was definitely something I had never seen before.
"What is that?" I asked.
"I wish I knew…" Yu started. "It almost looks like it belongs to some kind of alien weapon."
"Chris Chan merged a lot of dimensions together," Suomi started. "So it's not far-fetched that there would be some kind of aliens or something here. Honestly though, I think you might be overreacting a little bit. I mean, it's pretty tiny so it's not like it will power a really big weapon or anything."
"All I'm saying is we should tread carefully." Yu warned. "We're in unknown territory with no idea who or what is on which side."
"We should get our guns and check around." I suggested. "Maybe we'll find more information about what this weird thing is."
"Sounds good to me." Suomi said as she took her gun off her back. We split up and checked around the site we were at. It all looked clear until I saw some giant metal robotic arm… at least that's what I thought it was. I went closer to it and saw a few bodies. A few of them looked kind of human, the other ones didn't look human at all. I flagged Yu and Suomi to come over to where I was. Yu looked shocked when he saw the robotic arm.
"An oil pump." Yu whispered to himself.
"Look at the bodies here." I said as I pointed towards the bodies laying in the sand.
"What are these creatures?" Suomi slowly and cautiously walked over to one of the very-non-human bodies and rolled it over using her foot. The creature was completely yellow and it had some metal goggles on. She picked up the creature's gun. It was extremely small in size, since the creature using it was small, significantly smaller than the closer-to-human-but-still-not-human. It didn't look like any gun I had ever seen before, then again, I didn't really see any guns before I came to this dimension. The only gun I saw belonged to Guntz. Suomi started tinkering with it and pulled out a battery that looked exactly like the one Yu found in the woods.
"Were they fighting over the oil pump?" I asked.
"Most likely." Yu said. "We need to help out whichever side is against Chris-Chan… or else we'll probably be dealing with tanks and other war machines eventually."
"Should we wait near the oil pump and ambush anyone who comes over to it?" Suomi asked. "We could probably get some answers out of whoever comes over."
"I think whatever that oil pump had to offer has been taken by whoever won the fight over it." I said.
"If we want to go that route, we should probably find an oil pump that's still moving and doesn't have twenty bodies near it." Yu suggested.
"Well then let's eat quickly then get back in the car and keep driving." I said. We all headed back to the car, but then it hit me… I left the main course of my MRE in the bag that cooked it. I burned it. Whoops.
—-
After quickly eating a delicious and filling lunch of crackers, dehydrated strawberries and a super stale cookie (I'm being sarcastic. Lunch was actually kind of terrible) We got back in the car. I took over driving so Yu could get some sleep. Suomi was riding up front with me. We had been driving around in circles looking for a working oil pump we could prepare an ambush at. Nothing but flat and sparse desert lands the entire way. We found quite a few oil pumps, but they all looked the same as they did before; not moving and surrounded by dead bodies.
"Mind if I turn the radio on?" Suomi asked.
"Please do." I said. Suomi turned the radio on and fiddled with the dial until she found a station that wasn't just constant static.
"TELL ME WHY I'M STUCK AS A VIRGIN WITH RAGE!" I heard from the radio station loud and clear. It was Chris-Chan's voice. I didn't know he sang. He's terrible. "I SO NEED A CUTE GIRL MY AGE! TELL ME WHY I AIN'T NEVER WANNA HEAR YOU SAY, 'I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!' NEVER SAY IT NOW!"
"Ugh… Chris Chan is all over the radio, isn't he?" Yu slurred his speech while he was scrunched up in the backseat trying to sleep.
"Oh my… I'm sorry." Suomi said. "Did I wake you?"
"Bold of you to assume I was asleep to begin with." Yu grumbled.
"You've just listened to one of my hubby's original songs!" A cheery voice said over the radio.
"Original?" Yu slurred his words once again. "I think not."
"I apologize for interrupting today's playthrough of 'Christian and the Hedgehog Boys,' but we here at CWC radio station, the true and honest bestest radio station in all of CWCistan, need to issue a weather alert to all the land." I looked at Suomi nervously and she returned my glance, also with concern on her face. "It looks like there will be a massive sandstorm later today, so for anyone planning to travel today, I highly recommend postponing your trip. Visibility will be terrible during the sandstorm's peak, which looks like it may last hours. Thank you for listening to this very special weather alert! This is Neptune Sonichu, the true and honest wife of Mayor Christian Weston Chandler Sonichu!" I couldn't cringe at that outro because I was too worried about that sandstorm that was coming. Also I now know what Neptune sounds like.
"What should we do?" Suomi asked me. "We can't drive in a sandstorm like that."
"Let's get as far as we can for now." I said bravely, even though I was actually about to lose my terrible lunch. "If we find a safe place we can stay in, we'll pull over. If we can't find a place then we'll just have to stay in the car until it passes." We kept driving for about another hour and a half looking for any place we could wait out the sandstorm, but we had absolutely no luck. Suddenly the sky started becoming this weird yellow-white blend. The sandstorm was coming! I pulled the car over just in the nick of time, because literally when I put the car in park, the entire car was surrounded by thick flying sand. I couldn't see anything. I started feeling extremely claustrophobic. It felt like there was nothing beyond the sand… and we were all alone. The entire car felt like it was getting smaller. Like the sand would break the windows and drown us. I was sitting there trying my best to keep calm.
"Klonoa…" Suomi said nervously. "It's ok… it should pass soon." She started looking around nervously. "W-why don't we play the… the um… funny school game? That might get our minds off the storm."
"Ok, that might be fun." I said in between rapid but deep breaths that were supposed to calm me down. "Um… the school of musical novices… you're flat." I said. I was too nervous to think of anything good.
"Ok, ok… um…" Suomi desperately tried to think of something funny to say. "The school of robotics… we don't have any evil robots here, I promise."
"Oh gosh, do you think there are evil robots out there?" I asked nervously. "It's the dimensional merge! There could be anything out there!"
"I've got one." Yu said as he sat up. "The school of survival… Klonoa and Suomi will graduate with honors this year." What he said really helped both Suomi and I calm down. Not just what he said, but the way he said it. He said it so calmly. With that, my breathing slowed down and I was finally able to think clearly. Yu Suomi and I were going to survive this sandstorm, as well as whatever else cruel ol' CWCistan had to throw at us. Suddenly I heard a loud "thud" and the car shook. Then a really bright light shined on the car.
"Who's in that car?" Get out of the car and keep your hands where I can see them!" I heard a high-pitched voice over a loudspeaker say. I looked over to Suomi and she got her gun out and cocked it.
"Everyone ready for this?" Suomi asked.
"I don't think we should." I said sternly. "We don't know how many of them there are nor where they are." Suomi looked at me with a 'C'mon' look on her face.
"He's right." Yu said. "Right now doing what they say might be the best choice, at least until we get a better idea what we're up against." With that we all got out of the car with our hands up. The sand was blowing everywhere and it was extremely hard to breathe.
"We're here!" I yelled. "Don't shoot! We can work something out!"
"Walk towards the light slowly and keep your hands where we can see them!" The voice said. "If you try anything our sniper will put you down!" We heeded the voice's warning and walked slowly towards the light with our hands up, then suddenly I felt a hard kick on the back of my leg which forced me to the ground. My hands were then forced behind my back and I got tied up! I looked to my right side and saw Yu and Suomi also on their knees and being tied up! Then a bag went over my head and I wasn't able to see anymore. On the bright side, the bag made it a little easier to breathe. The three of us were forced onto the back of a truck and transported away.
—-
The bag was on my head for the entirety of the trip, so I couldn't see. Finally the truck stopped and I heard the ones who captured us getting out and then the back doors of the truck were opened. I was forced onto my feet and thrown out of the truck. I then heard thudding sounds next to me, followed by Yu and Suomi groaning in pain. I was forced onto my feet again and escorted to a building, then I had the bag taken off my head. We were inside a warehouse and I saw some of the creatures we saw in front of the oil pumps. They weren't the yellow ones, they were the ones who looked a bit like humans, but they had colored slippery-looking hair. Was it even hair?
"Goggles, tell the idols that we captured some travelers." One of the creatures said.
"Roger that, Specs!" The creature named Goggles said. He went running into a back room. I'm assuming Specs was the one who took the bag off my head. I looked over to Yu and Suomi. They both had creatures pointing guns to the backs of their heads. It's also worth noting one of them was a grenade launcher! I feel like I should have been more nervous… but I just had this feeling. A feeling like everything was okay. At the very least, we are inside a building away from the sandstorm. Being in a car in a sandstorm is terrifying.
"What do you want with us?" I asked Specs. He held his hand up to me, signaling me to stop talking.
"Our superiors will decide what to do with you." Specs said. A few seconds later, Goggles came back into the giant open room.
"They're coming!" Goggles said happily. These creatures didn't seem to be evil, at least not to the extent of evil Akechi was. Four girls came out of a room all wearing flashy outfits, but one of them I recognized immediately!
"Pearl?" I asked excitedly. "Pearl is that you?" I felt a sharp slap on the back of my head. Pearl looked at me, then she lit up after a second or two.
"Squid cat?" Pearl said with excitement. "I didn't think I would be seeing your pleasant butts again!" Pearl looked at the creatures standing next to us. "Yo, untie them all at once!"
"Pearlie, are you sure about this?" The tall dark-skinned idol asked Pearl.
"Yo 'Rina, I ain't never been more sure of anything in all my days!" Pearl said with glee. "If it weren't for those three I'd still be rotting in Akechi's uncool metal bars room!" I felt the ropes around my arms and legs get loose, then they fell off. Pearl ran towards Suomi and gave her a big hug. "It's been a while, Finland-girl. You doing okay considering all the squit you've been through?"
"I'm going well, Pearl." Suomi said with relief. "I assume the girl up there is your friend, 'Rina?" Pearl quickly unwrapped her arms from Suomi.
"Oh yes, how rude of me! Please allow me to introduce all these fresh Squiddy folk!" Pearl said happily. "The four who brought you here, that's Specs, leader of Team Blue. Next to him is Goggles, The one behind Suomi is Bobble Hat, and the one behind the gray-haired stickler is Headphones. Not too difficult to tell who they are considering they are all wearing their respective name-sakes." The tall dark-skinned girl walked over to me.
"You are Klonoa?" She asked me. I nodded. "Pearlie has told me so much about you. Thank you for rescuing my senpai. I'm eternally grateful. The other two idols on the stage are Callie and Marie. Callie ran over to me and started petting me.
"Marie! He's so soft!" Callie said as she was rubbing my fur. As Callie said this, she started rubbing harder and faster. It started kind of burning. Marie walked over to us.
"I apologize for my cousin…" Marie said apologetically. "She can get a bit… youthful at times. It can go a bit far."
"At least I have some 'youthfulness' left in me, Grandma!" Callie snapped.
"We like to kid around here." Marina said. "It makes up for the constant tense atmosphere of wherever we are right now."
"Yo, we liked having fun even before we came to 'Quickopolis!" Pearl said excitedly.
"I hate to get serious here, but what exactly are you fighting for?" Yu asked.
"Oh yeah, we're sticking it to the fat stripped man-child by taking all of his oil." Callie said.
"So all those oil pumps out there belong to Chris-Chan?" Suomi asked.
"Not exactly." Marie answered. "The oil pumps were being used by the people who lived here before we came. The yellow creatures, called 'Minions,' forced the people to give up the oil pumps 'for a good cause,' but we later found out where the oil was going."
"His wife… Neptune." I butted in with a snap of my fingers."
"Ooohhh, so THAT'S the purple girl's name." Headphones said. "Yeah, I don't like her. Chris Chan makes everyone live under stringent and needless rules and of course Neptune expects those rules to be followed and will take your mind away from you if you don't follow the rules."
"We're on our way to free Neptune's region." Yu said confidently.
"It's very well guarded, and it will be even more so if Neptune gets the oil the minions are bringing her." Specs informed us. "If you three agree to help us take out the Minions and cut off Neptune's oil supply, we can make the latter half of your journey easier." I then remembered Team Blue had confiscated our weapons.
"We will help you fight the minions," I started, "But we need our weapons back. We need to get back to the car we were in quickly before the Minions find it."
"Don't worry about your guns!" Goggles said. He went over to the truck and grabbed a bulging duffel bag and put it on the floor in front of us. "We collected your weapons… They're a little too nice to leave lying around in a car somewhere."
"We also stole all your ammunition!" Bobble hat said… or yelled… or growled… She scares me. "Ammunition is hard to find!"
"Get some rest yo!" Pearl said. "That sandstorm was wack! When you're feeling up to it, we'll go attack the minions. It's fresh to see you three again!" Pearl led us to a room lined with sleeping bags. When we got into the room, I saw more of those creatures that looked like Team Blue, the only distinctions between them were their clothes and hair color. They all started staring daggers at us. "It's ok everyone, these three are fresh as all get out." Everyone stopped staring and went back to whatever they were doing before we came into the room. The three of us picked out sleeping bags that were a good distance from all the others that were being used. I was comfortable around Pearl, but the other creatures seem like they might be a bit trigger-happy.
"Well, looks like we have a safe place to ride out the storm." Suomi said happily.
"Yeah, I'm very relieved to be out of that car." I said. "Aren't you, Yu?" I didn't get an answer, so I turned to Yu, and saw he had already passed out on his sleeping bag. He must have been happy to be able to stretch his legs out all the way.