(July 8, 2024)—-
"So did M1 tell you exactly what kind of bar we're going to?" Yu asked me out of the blue as we were driving to the place where we would meet 'The King.' I didn't know the answer to that question… which made me a bit nervous.
"All she told me was we had to eat dinner beforehand." I informed him.
"Dangit M1…" Yu muttered quietly. He then switched to a normal tone. "We need to know what type of bar this is so we can blend in as best we can. Suomi, please explain how bars work." Suomi looked around with a confused look.
"Um… don't drink too much or you'll get a stern talking to from Springfield…" Suomi advised.
"Wait… Suomi, you've never been to a bar before?" Yu asked.
"Only Cafe de Springfield." Suomi said. "I mean, it's not a bar, but I've gotten drunk there before… which led to a stern talking to. Honestly I'm just hoping they have Koskenkorva."
"Alright, this bar had better be on the tame end, or we're all going to get our faces caved in." Yu said anxiously.
"We can easily take a bar full of drunken fools." Suomi chimed in. "We'll make it out of there alive."
"We can't blow our chances of finding a resistance group in Neptune's region." I declared. "We have a lead and I don't want to blow it." This led to a little bit of awkward silence. I was sitting there finally realizing how dangerous this whole thing could potentially be. I had to act a certain way while I was in the bar, but I had no idea what that 'certain way' was.
"Have you ever actually been to a rowdy bar, Narukami?" Suomi asked, breaking the silence.
"Well… my Uncle's told me some stories…" Yu admitted. "I myself have been to a… club, but not an actual bar." Mister bar-advice-genie has never actually been to a bar. At the moment, I could barely stifle my laughter.
"So we need to be on our best behavior… in a possibly crazy bar… and we don't know how to act." Suomi pointed out. "It feels like we're in over our heads."
"We'll just need to think on our feet." I said. "UMP-45 is watching over us from her heavenly home, she'll bless us with the skills needed to complete this mission." Suomi clenched her fist.
"For 45." Suomi said.
"For M200." Yu added.
"For Negev, M4, AN-94, IDW, and P90." I added. I will never forget those names. Some of the greatest friends I have ever fought alongside. I then knew exactly what to say. "Akechi killed everyone we just mentioned. For a long time, he seemed bigger than us… now Akechi is dead. We can't stop here though. By completing this mission and the others to come, we will not only punish the one responsible, we will punish the entire organization responsible for their deaths." Yu held out his hand as if he was holding a glass. He wasn't. It was imaginary.
"A toast… to those we've lost." Yu said in a slightly grim tone. Suomi and I held out our imaginary drinks and we bumped our hands together. While I was still kind of nervous about the mission, I was sure we would end up being…you know, alive after the mission.
Watch over us, 45.
—-—-
"Oh no…" Yu moaned as we pulled up to Osmund's Bar a few hours later. "It's a biker bar." I saw motorcycles parked all around this old worn-out-looking shack and I could already hear loud music and we hadn't even parked the car yet. I could tell I wasn't going to enjoy this place, neither would Yu. I knew Suomi loved loud music like that, so maybe she'd feel at least somewhat comfortable there.
"Um… that's a lot of bikes… and the bar looks pretty small…" Suomi said nervously.
"Yeah, so?" Yu asked.
"There's gonna be so many people in there…" Suomi said as she held her hands up to her mouth nervously. "It's gonna be very close quarters." We got out of the car and slowly started walking towards the bar, but then Yu stopped dead in his tracks.
"Hold on, we need to at least try and look the part." Yu said. "We can't stick out too much."
"How do you mean?" Suomi asked with her head tilted. Yu took off his uniform jacket then rolled up the sleeves on his white collared shirt. He then put on sunglasses he got from the car.
"How do I look?" Yu asked.
"Slightly older, I guess." I said.
"Good." Yu said with a nod. He turned to Suomi. "Suomi, are you wearing anything under that blue coat?"
"I've only got a white tank top underneath." Suomi said as she was glancing around nervously.
"Perfect, just wear that, it will make you look a little tougher." Yu pointed out.
"I don't look tough?" Suomi said in a slightly hurt tone.
"I'm just saying, you'll look tougher if you wear just your tank top." Yu said. Suomi took off her coat and then flexed her somewhat-sizeable arm muscles.
"I'm gonna own you! …And then SELL YOU! How d'ya like THAT?" Suomi growled, trying her hardest to sound super tough.
"We're going into a biker bar, not an elementary school." Yu said, accompanied by a facepalm. "And Klonoa, you… um…" Yu started muttering to himself along with hand motions. "Just speak in a Russian accent or something. That might make you sound a li-" Yu was cut off by Suomi slapping him as hard as she could, which threw him off of his feet.
"No Russian!" Suomi yelled. I helped Yu off the ground.
"Alright, well at least Suomi scares me a little bit. Let's go in." Yu said as he rubbed the right side of his face. We walked into the booming rowdy bar, only to be blasted by every loud sound you can think of right when the door opened.
"Where's the King?" Suomi yelled, but I wasn't able to hear her.
"What?" I shouted.
"WHERE'S THE KING?" Suomi shouted at the top of her lungs. Suddenly Yu heavily nudged both of us.
"We can't draw attention to ourselves!" Yu barked. "Let's go talk to the bartender!" We went up to the counter, dodging burly guys with tattoos and long beards, hoping to not get noticed. There was a man behind the counter, who I'm assuming was Osmund himself. He was actually very nice. He signaled us to come close.
"You three… I haven't seen you around here before!" Osmund said loudly. "Be careful around here, these patrons can be pretty unwelcoming and sometimes violent!"
"We're well aware!" I yelled back. "We're supposed to be meeting someone here, someone who calls himself 'The King!'"
"I see! The King is very well respected around here!" Osmund informed us. "Can I get you something to drink while you wait?!"
"Actually we probably shouldn't drink, we have very important business to discuss with him!" Narukami said.
"Do you have any angry orchards?!" I yelled politely. Yu elbowed me, scowled and shook his head 'no.'
"Aw Narukami, don't be such a stick in the mud!" Suomi yelled. She then reached for one of the pockets on her coat… only to realize she didn't have her coat on. "Dangit Narukami! My money's in my coat pocket… which I don't have! Drinks are on you now!" I reached into my pocket and fished out some spending money I got from Springfield the day before.
"I can pay, Suomi!" I yelled.
"You're so sweet, Klonoa!" Suomi yelled affectionately. "I'll take some of your finest Koskenkorva! And give my best cabbit friend an ice cold angry orchard!" Osmund then went to his mini-fridge and pulled an angry orchard out for me, then he got a bottle of Koskenkorva for Suomi and poured her a shot as I slammed a few bills down on the countertop.
"Drink responsibly!" Yu warned us. I was planning on having only one bottle, but I ended up drinking only half of it. I remembered the headache I got the first time I drank a few, I wanted to be careful this time. Suomi drank the entire tiny glass in one gulp.
"Eläköön Suomi!" She yelled. She then got off the barstool and headed for a jukebox in the corner. "Time for some heavy metal!"
"I wouldn't do that if I were…" Osmund cut himself off because he knew Suomi was already out of hearing range. I took off after her to stop her, but it was too late. Two burly-bearded-tattooed guys grabbed Suomi by her arms and started yelling at her and punching her in the stomach. I ran over to help her, but for the time being it looked like she didn't need my help. She jumped up, did a backflip and landed perfect precise kicks on the guys' heads and knocked them off their feet. In almost an instant, more biker dudes ran over to her and broke a chair over her head, which knocked her to the floor. Yu came up behind me and patted my shoulder.
"Looks like we might not get what we came here for, but at least we can all get out alive." Yu said aloud into my ear, which was about the equivalent of whispering because of the loud booming music and the added rowdiness of the guys fighting Suomi. I nodded.
"Let's help her out." I said. I briefly thought about getting our guns from the trunk of the car, but we didn't have time. We had to help Suomi quickly. We charged gallantly towards the fight, but in a matter of seconds, both Yu and I were grabbed by guys who were much stronger than the both of us. We were thrown onto tables and restrained. I watched Suomi continue to fight off the guys until she got overwhelmed. I have to say, I have respect for someone who can have a wooden chair broken over her head and keep fighting. Suomi was restrained and slammed onto the table where me and Yu were being restrained.
"You don't EVER TOUCH MY JUKEBOX!" One of the bikers yelled at Suomi. "Now you three are gonna get gutted like frogs!" Another guy came over and smashed a beer bottle right next to my head, which freaked me out quite a bit.
"IF YOU HURT HIM, I WILL KILL YOU A HUNDRED TIMES OVER!" Suomi yelled as she was rapidly trying to wriggle free. Two other guys had to run over and help restrain Suomi even more.
"Let's start by removing this girl's spine for five hundred points, why don't we?" One of the guys yelled as he handed the guy in front a shard from the broken beer bottle. The guys restraining Suomi flipped her onto her belly.
"I'm sorry Klonoa…" Suomi said to me. "I failed my duty… I failed… you." Suddenly, and just in the nick of time too, the doors swung open and everyone went silent. What was once a place that was so loud I couldn't even hear myself think turned dead quiet. There was silence. A man was standing in the entryway with long hair and a long beard. He was also wearing an orange robe and holding a purple chalice. He slowly walked over to where we were, with the bikers looking and acting less menacing with every step he took. He came close to the table, and the bikers slowly got out of his way, almost like curtains being slowly swept away.
"Are you the one they call 'the Shikikan?'" The man asked. I nodded nervously. "Are these your friends?" The man pointed to Yu and Suomi. I nodded again, not saying a word. The man helped us off the table. "I am King Harkinian."
"So… you're the one who wanted to meet us here?" I asked.
"Yes, I trust you all ate dinner beforehand?" The King asked.
"Well, not exactly." I said. "We've been driving all day long."
"Oah!" The King interjected. "After our meeting, I will invite you three to dinner." The King said. I then heard chatter from the bikers about how 'kick-butt' it was that the King invited us three to dinner (they actually said kick… well a different word.) "Let's talk now. I have information to give you." The King walked us over to the bar, where we were before. I got to keep drinking my angry orchard and Suomi kept taking shots of Koskenkorva. Osmund came over and filled the King's chalice with what I'm assuming to be grape juice.
"So… you know of a group fighting Neptune?" I asked.
"OAH! Yes I do." The King said. "They want to fight her, but they are trapped in a small town-" The King was cut off by Yu. He leaned in close.
"I think we're being watched." He whispered. By the way, the bar got crazy quiet when the King walked in and it has somewhat stayed that way. It's far less noisy now. Anyway, Yu motioned his head towards these two guys sitting in a booth right behind us and hiding their faces in newspapers. That was pretty suspicious to me. Osmund came up to us.
"Those two are regulars." He whispered with a smile. "They usually talk about random stuff and tell dirty jokes… but I've never seen them sitting quietly." His smile then slowly started to fade away.
"We should probably whisper so they can't hear us." I advised.
"Oah, yes." The King whispered back. "Anyway, I'm not a part of this group but I try to help them out as much as I can. Neptune is an even bigger threat to peace than Ganon could ever dream of."
"W… who'she… Gaaaaanon?" Suomi asked, sounding a little disoriented.
"He's the Prince of Darkness." The King replied. "Mah boi Link fought him and restored peace to Hyrule; however, this world we found ourselves in is in desperate need of peace, and I'm glad to see you three warriors striving for that peace."
"Taliban is closing in!" One of the bikers yelled. I looked over to Osmund, who went pale.
"They found us…" Osmund said nervously. "There's an exit you four can use in the back… they won't see you leaving." I could tell Osmund thought he was going to be killed that night. I didn't want to just let him die, especially not when I was in a position to do something about it. I slammed my hand on the bartop.
"Osmund, we're going to fight them off for you." I declared. Osmund's face brightened up like I'd never seen before.
"You'd do that for me? Thank you so much… What is your name, brother?" Osmund asked me quickly.
"Klonoa." I said. "This is Yu Narukami and this is Suomi." I said while pointing at my two best friends respectively. Osmund quickly went into the back room and came out holding four shotguns.
"12-gauge Remington model 870's, I've got lots of them in the back." Osmund said as he started tossing shotguns to us. "Klonoa, use the exit and go around back. Ambush them." The bikers ran into the back room and ran out side of the bar to start fighting the CWC guards.
"Right!" I acknowledged.
"Mah boi, I will fight with you too." The King said. I then noticed Suomi taking a bunch of bottles from the shelves. The four of us went outside through the back.
"Yu and Suomi, you two take the left side, the King and I will take the right side.
"You got it, Broth-Suomi why do you have seven huge bottles of alcohol?" Yu suddenly cut himself off.
"Cuz I'm cunna… gonna… burn sshem!" Suomi proudly declared. "I'm the fastest molotov-precud… uh… P…produshing doll of all time!" Suomi slurred her words.
"Suomi, how many shots did you have?" Yu asked nervously.
"I lost count after… eight." Suomi said while swaying a little bit. "Or was it eighteen?"
"DOH-HHH-HUHH!" Yu did another one of his surprise-grunts.
"What's the big deal?" I asked, not really understanding what was going on or why Suomi was acting so funny.
"I'll explain later." Yu said.
"We should… g… get a moving on then." Suomi slurred. "Don't worry about me, I drunk better when I'm shoot."
"Oh no…" Yu whispered to himself.
"Don't worry, mah boi!" The King said proudly. "I have the triforce of courage. It will protect us!"
"We don't have much time to spare," I butted in. Sorry, but I really had to. "The fight's already on and we need to help." Without another word, Yu and Suomi split off from me and The King. We snuck around the large wooden building to the front. We had a perfect flank on them. I readied my shotgun when I saw a flaming bottle fly from the other side of the shack and hit one of the fancy cars the enemies were hiding behind. The whole thing erupted into flames, engulfing the guys taking cover behind it as well.
"YYYYEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHH! MOLOTOVS ARE THE KINGS!" Suomi yelled.
"OAH! I'm the King!" The King argued. The enemies started firing at Yu's side of the building, so the King and I ran behind a car for cover. The best part about that was the car was behind the enemy's position. The bikers were also firing at them from inside the bar and were slowly pushing them back. Things were looking good until the enemies started going towards the corner the King and I came from, which was unguarded. They were going to flank Yu and Suomi. I have to get over to their side of the building and help them out. The King and I are hiding behind the car we used to come here, the one with all their guns. I want to run them back over to the car so we can have a better base of fire, but I don't want to leave The King alone, he could get surrounded. I know what to do. I ran over to the entrance of the bar.
"I have a plan!" I yelled at them. "Follow me!" Four bikers ran behind me, keeping the enemy at bay as they ran. I got them to the car where The King was. "Alright, we need to cover all the bases we can! I'm going to help my friends fight the guys trying to flank them!" One of the bikers patted my shoulder super hard.
"Just keep our hangout spot from being overrun by that purple candy princess!" One of the bikers said, referring to Neptune I believe. I opened the trunk, grabbed the M14 and the KP-31 and ran over to Yu and Suomi. There were a few enemies coming around the corner of the bar, so the three of us fought them off as best we could. We were starting to get overwhelmed.
"MOLOSHOVV TO THE RESHCUE!" Suomi yelled as she lit the last bottle of alcohol she had on fire and threw it towards the enemies. She threw it with expert precision so as to not set the bar on fire. That gave us enough of a window to get away from the building and back to safety. A lot of the forces we had surrounded got cut down, but more trucks were coming towards us. I handed Yu his M14 and he started taking expert shots at the drivers of the trucks coming in. That slowed the trucks down plenty which prevented us from being completely overrun. The bikers ran right towards the stopped trucks and gunned down the forces running over to us. After a while, the gunfire slowed down then eventually ground to a halt. There was silence… for a few moments no one said a word. My ears were ringing from the loud bar ambiance followed immediately by a gunfight. They were ringing so much it hurt my head.
"Is it over?" Yu asked while panting. Osmund came over to us and looked around cautiously.
"It's over." Osmund sighed with relief. "My bar is safe, thanks to all of you. Free rounds for everyone!" Everyone erupted in cheer, but that was suddenly cut off by a loud gunshot from behind us. Osmund got shot in the back of the head and fell to the ground dead in an instant. I looked behind me to see a fat man with glasses and a white shirt holding a smoking revolver, standing next to him was a white dog standing on his hind legs. These were the two who were hiding their faces in the newspapers we saw before. They got immediately disarmed and tackled by the bikers. Yu and I ran over to them, as they were struggling to break out of the bikers' holds on them. Yu ran back into the bar, but I stayed outside and stood in front of the man and his dog.
"We know who you are, and now, as Osmund has paid the price for harboring you, you shall feel the might of Neptune." The white dog said to me.
"These guys were transmitting our location!" Yu said as he ran out of the bar holding some sort of device with a red flashing light.
"More will be coming." The man said. "All of you will be chased to the ends of the earth and brought to Neptune. Your lives will be worse than Matthew McConaughey's morning coffee." The dog then got a really smug look on his face.
"You may want to let us go now, and maybe Neptune will convince Chris to go easier on you. After all, I have a novel to finish up." The dog then got kicked in the back of the head by one of the bikers.
"Feline man, you won this battle for us, so how's about you end these two cuck-spies for us?" One of the bikers told me. I stood there thinking of Osmund, a kind and innocent man who was shot by the will of Chris-Chan. Another innocent death. First all the ones against the wall when I was in the prison, and who knows when it will stop? In that moment, I felt an anger that made me see red, almost as if I was rewatching all the deaths I've seen since coming to this dimension. I walked over to the car… and grabbed Akechi's crowbar. I walked back over to them slowly. I could see the fear in the man's and the dog's eyes… I could hear the bikers murmuring excitedly to one another. Yu stood there in shock, moving his mouth trying to get words out, but he couldn't. I gripped the crowbar as tight as I could and swung it wildly at the dog's head. The crowbar carved into the dog's head, launching a splash of blood into my face. I hit the same spot again, this time carving even deeper in. The bikers were cheering with each and every hit to the head. I hit once again, but right after one of the hits, I went away in my mind, back to that day… in front of the hospital… UMP-45… she laid face-down in the sand, breathing heavily, trying to distract from the pain of having her head split open… her blood pouring out of the giant crack on the top of her head…
I came back. I stopped. I looked at the dog… doing the same thing UMP-45 did while she was being brutalized by this dang metal thing I was holding. I had stooped to Akechi's level. I didn't kill Akechi, he's still here… living in my head. I had forgotten who I was. I was fighting to stop these monsters ruling over this dimension… but now I'm one of those monsters.
"Brother…?" Yu finally pieced some words together through his complete and utter shock. I looked down at my hands and saw them soaked in blood. The dog's heavy breathing and beginning to dry heave. I dropped the crowbar and took my AK off my back. I put an end to the dog's suffering. The bikers were all yelling at me in disappointment because I was being too 'merciful.' 'Merciful…' What does that word even mean anymore? I picked the crowbar back up and walked away from the bar. I heard the bikers beating the fat man to death.
"Klonoa?" Yu called as he ran over to me. I stopped walking, but I didn't turn around.
"I'm… I'm a monster." I admitted. At that moment, I truly meant that. I looked at the crowbar in my hands. Suomi stumbled over to where we were standing.
"Ish… the fight over…? We… Did wwwe win?" Suomi asked in between small hiccups. I didn't answer her question. I kept walking forward. I stopped at a well not too far from the bar. I tossed the crowbar down the well, hoping it would never be used to kill in such a brutal and heartless way ever again. I stood there staring down the well long after I heard the 'splash.'
"You're not a monster, Klonoa." Yu said from behind me.
"Yes I am." I said with my head hung in shame. "I just brutally murdered someone. I stooped to the level of the monster we fought so hard to defeat." Yu then leaned Suomi on the well because he was apparently helping her stand up. Suomi stared at me and smiled.
"Hi Klonoa." Suomi casually said, which made me feel a bit better.
"Hi Suomi." I replied, feeling slightly uplifted. Yu came to my other side and exhaled.
"I understand why you did what you did." Yu consoled me. "I know it was a heat of the moment thing, but I can tell you regret what you did. That's why you're not a monster." Suddenly I was startled by a loud heaving sound. Suomi had vomited into the well. She swayed backwards a bit with a spaced out look on her face.
"Ish it… the world ish a rollller coashtsher." She slurred her words. She started falling backwards, so I ran behind her and caught her before she hit the ground. Yu scoffed and shook his head.
"Let this be a warning to you, Klonoa…" Yu started, "No drinking on a mission." I was quite confused by this.
"Not even water?" I asked. "Don't we need to stay hydrated?"
"No, I meant don't drink alcohol." Yu clarified. Not exactly sure what he means by 'alcohol.'
"Oah! There you all are!" The King bellowed from behind us. "We strived for peace together, and we won the night! To celebrate, I will invite you all over for dinner!"
"Ugnnn… lohikeitto…" Suomi mumbled in her sleep while drool dripped out of the corner of her mouth. I have no idea what lohikeitto is.
"I'll go only if Klonoa wants to." Yu said.
"I… suppose I can eat a bit..." I said accompanied by a stomach growl. I was still feeling like the biggest monster in the world.
"Oah ho ho ho!" The King laughed. "I know just what to order for dinner!" We made our way back to where all the cars were parked. The car we took had lots of bullet holes in it and most of the windows were broken. Yu got into the driver's seat while I got into the back and laid Suomi's head on my lap. I figured she could use a pillow.
"Make sure she doesn't choke on her own vomit." Yu said as he gleaned back at me.
"Wait… that can happen?" I asked nervously.
"Meh, just turn her head to the side and she'll be fine." Yu said with a shrug. He then looked forward and put the key into the car-starting-thingy. He turned the key and the car made that 'rah-ga-ga-ga-ga' noise, but it didn't make the loud 'VVVVVVVVVVVV' noise that usually comes right after. "C'mon, don't die on us…" Yu mumbled to himself as he tried turning the key again. The car still wouldn't start. We then heard a horn honk at us.
"Get in my ford fiesta!" The King ordered. "I will take you back to my castle."
"That's a very cramped car…" Yu mumbled nervously.
"You can ride in the front." I said. "I don't think Suomi will get carsick since she's sleeping." So we got out of our broken car, and Yu moved the front seat of the King's car forward so I could get in. It was pretty hard to get into the back seat since I was carrying Suomi. Eventually we made it in, so Yu hopped in the passenger seat and we were off.
"Osmund…" I whispered. Just an innocent bystander. A very nice man amongst frankly uncomforting people. A true diamond in the rough. Just another person I've lost, but another person for me to fight for as well. We will take down Neptune… for Osmund. I just hope… I can remember who I am… and why I'm fighting. I don't want to become the thing I set out to destroy.
—-—-
It wasn't too long of a drive to the King's castle. The ride was pretty uncomfortable, what with being crammed in the back of a tiny car. Not to mention I sitting there thinking about what I did at the bar. We got out of the car once we reached the destination, and I kid you not, the King has an actual castle! Unfortunately it wasn't made of crystals like the one in the moon kingdom. The castle looked pretty drab. Please don't tell the King I wrote that last thing. Anyway, we went through the two giant doors and into the quite pristine castle.
"My liege! Who are these strangers?" One of the King's guards yelled. This particular guard was wearing a brown hat with a giant rim and he had a green shirt with a blue vest. He was also holding a giant rifle, that part was too important for me to leave out.
"These are our guests, Fari." The King informed. "They will be dining with us and spending the night. Now go and make dinner for us."
"Yes my liege!" Fari obeyed. He turned and ran towards the kitchen, I assume. The King led us into the dining room and we all sat around the table.
"If I may ask, how do you have a castle when Neptune is technically the ruler of this region?" Yu asked. That was a really good question.
"Neptune thinks I am neutral and I've been doing my best to appear that way to her, but I've been secretly helping groups that want to fight her." The King answered. He then crossed his arms on the table and leaned closer to us. "The group I've been in touch with the most is a group of battle-hardened men who are essentially trapped in a small town."
"Are they being held prisoner?" I asked, while trying to not sound like I was being emotionally eaten alive.
"No, they're hiding in a basement." The King added. "The small town is under the control of Neptune's men so they're pretty much trapped. If you three could go over to that town and liberate it, those guys will be able to help you retake the region."
"Hey, what's up everyone?" I heard a voice say from behind me. I turned to see this younger-looking guy wearing green clothes and a green cap that would be out of place on an elf's head. I thought this guy was an elf at first, since he had elf ears to go along with his elf hat. He even spoke kind of funny. Not like an accent or anything, he just spoke with really weird inflections.
"OAH! Mah boi!" The King said with glee. "You're just in time for dinner!"
"Great! I'm so hungry, I could eat an octorok!" The elf-man said.
"Everyone, I want to introduce you to Mah boi, Link!" The King said with his hand extended in Link's direction. Just as Link took a seat, Fari came back holding a pizza.
"Here's the pizza, your majesty!" Fari bellowed. I would have preferred a burger myself, but pizza is also really good. I hoped it had some pineapple on it. I was excited to see what the King had on the pizza, but when Fari put it on the table, I died inside. There was nothing on it. No cheese. No pepperoni. No pineapple. Not even sauce. It was the crust and that was it.
"Uhhh… are we supposed to… put whatever we want on the crust… or something?" Yu asked confusedly.
"Mah bois, scrubbed pizza is what all true warriors strive for." The King declared. He's very wrong.
"Tämä on perseestä…" Suomi murmured with her head laying on the table. "Who would eat a pizza with nothing on it?"
"You'll have to make-do, unfortunately." Yu whispered. He then turned to Suomi, who appeared to be super tired. "You need to eat, especially since you just got wasted."
"Fine. At least I have something that will help" Suomi muttered under her breath. She then reached into one of her coat pockets and pulled out some sort of small square can. Right when she opened it I was overwhelmed by an ungodly stench.
"Suomi, what is that?" I asked with my hand over my nose.
"Lutefisk." Suomi answered. "I'm Finnish, so I always have a can of lutefisk on me." She dumped the can on a slice of 'pizza,' I can barely call it pizza, it's just bread. I'll spare you more details of the rather disappointing dinner we had. Here I am hoping the town we go to tomorrow will have at the very least a decent restaurant. After dinner we got to know each other a bit better and the King told us about his adventures when he got a Toyota hybrid. It took him about seven minutes to tell that story. Anyway, eventually we turned in for the night. Sleep didn't come easy that night, as I laid there in the dark, staring at the ceiling. I wanted to get up and look at the window, but I was literally worried my reflection would look like Akechi. I felt a little better about everything after I threw the crowbar down the well… until I realized I could kill someone brutally with the butt of my gun… or a log… or anything. I sat up in bed with my head hung in guilt.
"Dog… I'm so sorry." I whispered. Maybe the dog could hear me… I'm not sure. "Lord… forgive me of my transgressions. Please help keep my mind straight… I'm scared of losing myself in all of this… I don't want anyone to die like that again. Please… please help me. Amen." I laid my head back on the pillow and cried myself to sleep.