The scent of blossoming flowers, signaling the arrival of new-leaf, tickled Russetstripe's nostrils as she sniffed the heather around her. It was time for new things to be born, to discard the dead and the old, and to embrace the new. There was no lamenting over what was done. There was just accepting the future. Russetstripe picked up a flower in her paw and studied it.
She had never seen it before. The petals were sharp, and the flowers were blue-and-white, with a hint of yellow. The petiole was long, and it was arranged strictly in a fan-like crown of evergreen foliage. The flowers were produced in a horizontal inflorescence, and the beauty of it took Russetstripe's breath away. No! She shook her head. I won't turn into Rootberry of ThunderClan! I've got some hunting to do.
Since new-leaf was here, the scents of prey should be fresh and widespread, but Russetstripe couldn't scent anything. She clicked her tongue in irritation. Maybe I've got to go a little further out. The spring sun warmed her striped back as she walked through the grassland, but just as she reached a patch of heather, the ground disappeared from beneath her and she found herself tumbling from the moorland and into a hole.
Russetstripe collided with hard ground, perhaps stone, and a burst of pain shot through her stomach as she landed roughly on the floor. She coughed out dusty air and looked around. Where was she? How had she fallen from the ground? How was that possible? Russetstripe's eyes widened as she examined the surroundings around her. Something told her to leave the place, to climb back up the hole she had fallen in, but as she lifted her head to look up, anxiety made her jaw clench as she realized that the hole was too tall for her to climb out.
Oh, hells. Russetstripe clicked her tongue. I'm stuck. No worries. I can get out of here on my own. Russetstripe took a few steps forward, examining the rocky walls around her. Every time she made a move, the pebbles above her trembled, and the stale air was hard for her to breathe in. Where am I? She could barely see her paws in front of her – the shadows covered the view in front of her.
This… this looks like… When she was a kit, Smokebelly had often told her the tale of the tunnels, used in the ancient Clans when Harestar and Onestar walked the moorland. They were used to connect ThunderClan and WindClan, and were also used as secret routes to travel underneath the territories to avoid being seen by other cats. How did I get here?
There was no scent of cat, and with how ominous and forbidding the tunnels were, Russetstripe guessed that they hadn't been used by the Clans in quite a while. But how do I get out of here? The ginger she-cat pressed herself forward, fear causing her heart to race in her chest and her breath to quicken. I don't want to be stuck down here forever! She hastened her stride, and wondered if she could call out. But who would hear her if she called out? And what if there were other predators who lived here, like foxes or badgers.
As Russetstripe continued her trek through the ghastly underground world, she came upon a split in the tunnels, where they veered off in separate directions. Russetstripe looked around, her green eyes wide. Which one do I take? She sniffed each one, but the scent was the same for each direction. Was this just a game of luck?
"Who's there?" The voice made Russetstripe freeze – both because it was unexpected and because she recognized it. But where was it coming from?
"Blackdove?" Russetstripe called out. "Is that you?"
"Yeah, it's me." Russetstripe tried to search for the she-cat, but since Blackdove had a jet-black pelt and the shadows glimpsed much of her view, she guessed she wouldn't have much luck. But Blackdove's scent became thicker and thicker, and Russetstripe could eventually hear her pawsteps across the stone floor. Russetstripe stepped back, and the black she-cat came into the little light there was. "What are you doing here?"
"I mean… I could ask you the same question," Russetstripe meowed. "I fell in here, and there wasn't any way for me to get back up, so I just started walking. How do I get back to camp?"
"Ah." Blackdove's whiskers quivered. "Just take the left tunnel, keep going, and it'll split into three tunnels. Take the middle one, and it'll take you right near camp."
"All ri—wait, how do you know all of this?" Russetstripe's momentary relief at concrete directions faded away, replaced by curiosity of Blackdove's apparent faultless knowledge of the tunnels. Blackdove looked at her paws, shifting them uneasily, and then lifted her gaze to gaze at Russetstripe.
"Because I need an escape," Blackdove replied.
"W-what do you mean, Blackdove?" The raw agony dripping off Blackdove's voice in waves was enough to make Russetstripe's own heart ache. Pain shadowed the black she-cat's green eyes, and for the first time, Russetstripe realized just how much Blackdove was hurting. But why? What was hurting her so?
Blackdove turned her head over her shoulder. "Just, leave me alone, Russetstripe. There's nothing any cat can do about it."
Russetstripe flattened her ears. "No way. I'm not leaving you when you're in a spot like this, when you're in so much pain. I'll sit on you if that's what it takes. Is this…" A conversation between the two of them, so many moons ago, flashed in Russetstripe's mind.
"Because when I saw it, there was this tightening in my heart… I've never felt it before. For a long time now, it's been hard to look at Scorchpaw. I know I'm young, and that I shouldn't be feeling this way for anyone."
"Stop it. You don't know that. Just because Wildpaw and Scorchpaw were hanging out means nothing. They're friends, it doesn't mean they're in love. We're not even warriors yet. So you don't need to worry about it. You don't know what they feel."
I had brushed her off then, Russetstripe thought, guilt making her want to hit her former self. I didn't listen to her. I dismissed it as just a crush. But, if Blackdove truly still has these feelings for Scorchclaw… if she's always loved him, without him loving her back… those feelings have got to be real. It's got to hurt too much than to be anything else. "Is this about Scorchclaw?"
"Yeah," Blackdove replied, focusing her gaze into the right tunnel that split off. "It's him. It always has been." A pressed, bitter smile spread on her face. "But he loves Wildheart."
"I…" Russetstripe walked over to her friend, not sure what to say. "I haven't seen that, Blackdove. Are you sure?"
"Scorchclaw is always around her, fawning like she's a god that braced the earth," Blackdove told her. "And she's always around him, purring and licking him. Every cat in the Clan is talking about it, and news has even reached Swiftstar."
Russetstripe shifted her paws. But what about Scorchclaw's assigned mate? Who was it? Wouldn't Swiftstar had something to say about that? I don't want Scorchclaw to be forced to choose a mate he doesn't want, and I still think Swiftstar's absolutely out of his mind for trying to choose our mates, but surely there's someone else out there for Scorchclaw.
"Do you know what it's like to love someone who doesn't love you back?" Blackdove asked her. "It's never going to get any easier, for me. It's never going to go away. It's going to be a sadness I'll have to incorporate into myself – alongside all the other sadness – and carry it around with me forever."
"Could you tell him?" Russetstripe suggested.
Blackdove kept the same smile on her face. "I will never say the things I want to say to him. I know the damage it would do. I love him more than I hate my loneliness and pain."
Oh, Blackdove… Russetstripe blinked the tears out of her eyes. If you love someone with your whole heart… even just one cat… then maybe there's salvation in life. Even if you can't get together with them. But she didn't want to give her friend any false hope. She didn't know what to say with her. She didn't have any romantic feelings for any cat – and she didn't know if she wanted a mate in her life, anyway. Especially if it hurts like it does for Blackdove. "I'm so sorry, Blackdove. I… I wish he loved you, too."
"Thinking about him hurts so much, so I go into these tunnels to have those thoughts to myself," Blackdove said. "And, when I'm in these tunnels, I try my best to forget about him. To know that I'm not the cat for him. And when I walk these tunnels, I realize that… we all are hurting."
What? Russetstripe stared at her friend, bewildered.
Blackdove sighed. "I am not the only cat who has ever been in an unrequited love," she explained. "Love is a scary thing. If not reciprocated, it can turn a cat into a monster. Surely you've heard the stories of the past."
"Of Ashfur," Russetstripe echoed, "and Breezepelt."
"Yeah." Blackdove nodded. "How can they hurt the cat they love? I'll never understand. I sit here… and I force myself to be the cat that the Clan wants. That my parents want. A cat that isn't hurting. But it's all a lie. I'd never wish this type of pain on some cat else, especially not the cat whose happiness is all I want."
"Oh, Blackdove," Russetstripe whispered. "I wish I could do something."
"There's nothing you can do," Blackdove told her. "I appreciate it, though. Just having you as a friend makes the pain lessen."
What a lie. Having me as a friend probably makes it worse. Russetstripe brushed her muzzle against Blackdove's cheek. Maybe I can talk to Scorchclaw… maybe I can get him to see Blackdove's feelings. Wildheart would be a terrible mate for him! Fury at the tortoiseshell she-cat was sending her blood burning through her veins. All she does is cause pain to me and Blackdove. Can't Scorchclaw choose someone else?
"Can you take me home?" Russetstripe asked Blackdove, not wanting her friend to stay in the tunnels alone. "I don't think I'll get there by myself."
"Hmm." Blackdove's ears twitched. "All right, if you say so." Although the black she-cat seemed to catch onto the fact that Russetstripe had lied to her, she said nothing. Russetstripe followed her friend's agile movements, shocked by how well she knew the tunnels. Blackdove leaped over certain rocks, dodged falling pebbles, swerved and chose the exact tunnels, as if she had lived here her entire life. She's spent a lot of time in these tunnels. I wish there was something I could do for her. I wish there was some way I could heal her pain. She's my best friend. I've got to do something for her.
When the two cats finally reached the exit of the tunnel, Russetstripe was grateful to see the sunlight sending its rays on the moorland ground. Blackdove climbed out of the tunnel and onto a patch of grass, and Russetstripe was close on her heels, relishing the feeling of the grass beneath her, in comparison to the cold stone floor. I never want anything to do with the tunnels again! How does Blackdove do it?
"I'm going back to camp," Russetstripe told Blackdove. "Are you coming?"
Blackdove shook her head. "No, I'll go hunting, and then I'll come back." There was a hardness in her voice, and Russetstripe's throat was dry as she swallowed the lump in her throat. It was obvious Blackdove wanted to be left alone. The ginger she-cat gave her friend a nod and darted through the moorland, following the trail the WindClan cats used to go back to camp.
Thoughts about her exchange with Blackdove flashed back in her mind. The first time her friend had confided in her, Russetstripe had brushed it off, not even giving it a second thought. After all, she hadn't seen that many friendly interactions that Scorchclaw shared with Wildheart. But Blackdove had been genuine when she confessed her love for Scorchclaw – so perhaps there was something going on with him and Wildheart.
I don't like interfering in love life, Russetstripe thought, especially since I'll shred my 'future mate' if he tries anything with me, but I can at least talk to Scorchclaw. I can't stand to see Blackdove in pain. I ignored her the first time, but I'm going to make things right. Russetstripe bounded towards the hollow and slipped down the walls, entering camp. The sun was nearly setting, and she could see its amber rays silhouetting Adderstripe and Brambledusk, who spoke to each other near the fresh-kill pile. Russetstripe was aware of her father's gaze from the leader's den focusing solely on her, but Russetstripe didn't give it a second thought. She'd speak to him when he learned that he couldn't control her life.
The evening patrol, led by Sandfall, were stretching their limbs as they got ready to leave the camp. Russetstripe watched Violetheart pad into the nursery – surely to check on Patchshine's newest born kits, Seedkit, Briarkit, and Harekit. Russetstripe could hear the older kits causing commotion in the gorse bush, and a grin tugged at her lips when she remembered being there for their kitting.
Hawkfeather and Grayflight were deep in conversation, and Berrysplash padded over to Swiftstar to whisper something in his ear. Rabbitfur approached Brambledusk and Adderstripe, signaling with his tail for Brambledusk to leave. Brambledusk walked away, and just as he passed Russetstripe and caught her gaze, Russetstripe could see hardened resolve in his yellow eyes, something she had never seen in him before. Cloverwhisker and Sunleaf shared tongues, with Deerheart dropping a rabbit next to them and eating it, and Russetstripe caught Gorseflight's mottled gray-and-white pelt near one of the rabbit burrows.
"Gorseflight!" Russetstripe called out as she bounded over to the lithe warrior. "Have you seen Scorchclaw?"
"Yeah, he's on patrol with Wildheart," Gorseflight replied, and Russetstripe couldn't help but notice his jaw clench as he divulged the information to Russetstripe. "Why?"
"Oh, I just had to talk to him," Russetstripe said, annoyance threatening to make her ears flat at the news. Seriously? When I'm trying to prove Blackdove wrong? "Thanks for letting me know."
"Well, if there's anything you need, just let me know." Gorseflight's tail brushed against Russetstripe's shoulder, and Russetstripe gave him a small nod of thanks before he disappeared into the moorland. Russetstripe parked herself down near the entrance of camp, waiting for her brother's stocky build to appear.
How is it my place to tell Scorchclaw who to love? Russetstripe thought, the hypocrisy of what she was doing just finally sinking into her. Isn't that what I was so mad at my father for? But… I… I can't live with myself if I don't try. For Blackdove's sake. The ginger she-cat crouched down, focusing her sharp green glare on the land in front of her. Her fur fluffed out as the warm new-leaf breeze whistled around her, and with it brought the scent of her brother. Scorchclaw slid down the camp walls and landed on the hollow with a grunt. Russetstripe lifted her tail to greet him, but her eyes immediately narrowed when she saw Wildheart, close after him.
"Can I talk to you?" Russetstripe asked Scorchclaw.
"Sure, bu—" Russetstripe didn't listen to any of his protests as she dragged her brother into an undisturbed part of camp, ignoring Wildheart's deadly gaze that the tortoiseshell she-cat shot her. She sat down, staring at her brother, recalling Blackdove's galled expression, illuminated by the shadows of the tunnels, pretending as if nothing was wrong when in reality, the pain was eating her alive.
"What is it?" Scorchclaw asked, staring at his sister as if she had just grown two heads.
"Do you love Wildheart?" Russetstripe demanded, seeing no point in dancing around the question. Scorchclaw's eye whiskers shot up, and at that, Russetstripe felt her heart sink in her chest. She had received her answer. Scorchclaw didn't even have to say it. If he wasn't in love with her, he'd deny it. But he didn't say anything, simply gazing at Russetstripe.
"Why shouldn't I?" Scorchclaw asked. "She makes me happy. She's strong, smart, brave, and—"
"Blackdove is all of those things, too!" Russetstripe exclaimed.
"Huh?" Scorchclaw's eyes widened. "Blackdove? What do you mean?"
"Can't you be mates with her?" Russetstripe demanded.
Scorchclaw's orange-and-white tail lashed. "Just because you hate Wildheart, doesn't mean you get to play matchmaker, Russetstripe. After all, I heard you were quite angry when Swiftstar had the same conversation with you like he had with me."
Russetstripe flattened her ears. "It's not about me hating Wildheart! It's…"
"Then what is it?" Scorchclaw snapped, the fur on his shoulders bristling.
Blackdove's secret was on the tip of her tongue, but the she-cat's words from earlier the morning echoed in her mind. "I will never say the things I want to say to him. I know the damage it would do. I love him more than I hate my loneliness and pain." Russetstripe finally realized that this was Blackdove's secret to keep. If it came across to Scorchclaw as Russetstripe trying to set him up with another cat, well, fine. She couldn't divulge Blackdove's biggest secret to her brother, and she didn't want to make their friendship awkward.
"Nothing," Russetstripe growled. "I just don't want you to get hurt."
"Wildheart might want claw my ears off, but she won't actually hurt me," Scorchclaw said, the anger seeming to die down from him as he nuzzled his sister. "I appreciate that you care about me. But you don't need to look out for me all the time."
"I'm your big sister," Russetstripe told him. "Of course I do." I hope that I didn't do the wrong thing. Not that it did anything, but I hope he doesn't ask Blackdove anything. Just as Scorchclaw turned on his heel and walked off, meowing something to Wildheart, Russetstripe exchanged a dark glare with the tortoiseshell she-cat.
Stuck up fur-ball. Russetstripe turned her tail away from her and snorted. Her plan to try to get Scorchclaw to see what a good cat Blackdove was had been fruitless. She didn't want Blackdove to suffer. What should I do to help Blackdove now?