The moorland grass in leaf-fall was tinted with a golden autumn orange shade. Many moons had passed since the Gathering where Talonstar had announced himself as leader, and the end of greenleaf had come. Russetstripe watched with one eye open as Gorseflight got to his paws while the moon hung high in the sky. He glanced around nervously, as if checking to see if any cat was awake. Then, seeming to be reassured, Gorseflight slipped away from the sleeping cats and slowly slinked towards the exit of camp. Curious, Russetstripe got to her paws and quietly crept after him.
Where's he going? Russetstripe thought as Gorseflight climbed onto the moor and broke out into a run. Is he meeting a mate from a different Clan? A shudder ran through her spine as she remembered the last instance of forbidden love – Hailstep and Hollyfrost. It had not ended well. Surely Gorseflight knows about that? But she kept her mouth shut. She'd have to see where Gorseflight was going, and then, she could question him.
But Gorseflight was not heading in ThunderClan's direction – neither was he heading down to the marshland. No, his paws were taking him straight out of WindClan territory, down where the hills split into two and created a sheltered valley. Heather dotted the grass on the valley, and just inside it, several swarms of pelts moved back and forth. Russetstripe saw Gorseflight's tail sway in happiness, and Russetstripe slapped her own tail across her mouth to stop the gasp. He does have a mate here?
Gorseflight bounded down the valley into the clearing. Russetstripe looked around, spotting a thick patch of hawthorn right next to the entrance of the valley. Discreetly, Russetstripe picked her way down the grass and towards the hawthorn. She used the shrub to conceal her bright ginger fur, and she held her breath as she craned her ears to catch a glimpse of the conversation. In the clearing, a tom with pale gray fur padded over to Gorseflight and greeted him with a purr.
"The spirits have predicted your arrival tonight," the pale tom meowed.
"Thank you, Acala," Gorseflight said, lowering his head to the tom. His blue eyes sparkled with excitement. "Have I missed the ceremony?"
"We have been waiting for you," Acala said. "Come, join us." The gray tom padded towards a circle where several of the other cats were gathering. Gorseflight followed them, his tail twitching. Several other rogues were crowded in a throng, giving Gorseflight a respectful nod and parting for the gray-and-white tom to fit.
The leader of the cats, Acala, began the ceremony. He lifted his gaze to stare at the sky. "In order that I may be skilled in discerning what is good, in order that I may understand the path to peace, let me be able, upright, and straightforward, of good speech, gentle, and free from pride; let me be contented, easily satisfied, having few duties, living simply, of controlled senses, prudent, without pride and without attachment to nation, bloodline, or other groups."
Gorseflight continued the prayer. "Let me not do the slightest thing for which the wise might rebuke me. Instead let me think: May all beings be well and safe, may they be at ease. Whatever living beings there may be, whether moving or standing still, without exception, whether large, great, middling, or small, whether tiny or substantial, whether seen or unseen, whether living near or far, born or unborn; may all beings be happy."
A cat with dark brown fur took up the invocation. "Let none deceive or despise another anywhere. Let none wish harm to another, in anger or in hate. Just as a mother would guard her child, her only child, with her own life, even so let me cultivate a boundless mind for all beings in the world. Let me cultivate a boundless love for all beings in the world, above, below, and across, unhindered, without ill will or enmity."
"Standing, walking, seated, or lying down, free from torpor, let me as far as possible fix my attention on this recollection. This, they say, is the divine life right here." The prayer was finished by Acala, who gave a deep bow to the cats around him. "Thank you all for joining me today."
What… what is this? Russetstripe watched the group speak with wide green eyes. This was nothing like the rogue groups she was told – rogue groups were ruthless, cruel, and out for blood, ready to attack anything that came their way. But the aura that these cats emitted was calm, peaceful, and blissful. It seemed these cats would not even hurt a fly. But why is Gorseflight here?
When the prayer wrapped up, one of the cats turned to face Gorseflight. "Have you found the Four Noble Truths yet?" he asked.
"The truth of suffering, the truth of the cause of suffering, the truth of the end of suffering, and the truth of that path that leads to the end of suffering," Gorseflight recited. "A cat's life has a lot of suffering, the cause of suffering is greed, there is a way to end the suffering, and it's to follow the Middle Path."
"Very good, Gorseflight." Acala touched Gorseflight's spine with his thick gray tabby tail. "You are ready for the Noble Eightfold Path."
"What's that?" Gorseflight asked, tilting his head.
"Kundali?" Acala asked, addressing the dark brown tabby, seeming to expect him to answer.
Kundali nodded. "Right view, right resolve, right speech, right conduct, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, and right samadhi."
"Samadhi…?" Gorseflight echoed, looking baffled. "I don't think I've heard of that."
"It is the state of the original balance," Acala explained. "It's when you find the truth."
"The truth…" Gorseflight murmured. "I'm not going to lie, it's hard."
Kundali and Acala exchanged confused glances before turning back to look at Gorseflight. Gorseflight met their gazes steadily, the wind whipping his mottled gray fur. He looked as if he belonged here – his shoulders relaxed, his posture straight and true, his eyes sparkling with love, something Russetstripe hadn't seen when he was in RiverClan.
"What could be hard about it?" Kundali asked.
"I told you where I came from," Gorseflight meowed, sitting down and wrapping his tail around his paws. "I live in a Clan where they immediately resort to violence." Sorrow shadowed Gorseflight's eyes, and Russetstripe sighed. Isn't that right.
"All tremble at violence, all fear death," Kundali said, lowering his head to acknowledge Gorseflight's sorrows. "Putting oneself in the place of another… one should never kill, nor cause another to kill."
"But they do," Gorseflight said, despair evident in his voice. He looked up to face Kundali, his eyes brimming with desperation, as if Kundali could tell him how to stop the violence in the Clans.
"How sad," Acala murmured. "Do you know why they resort to violence, Gorseflight?"
Gorseflight shook his head.
"Cats kill and are killed because they cling too tightly to their beliefs and ideologies," Acala explained. "When we believe ours is the only faith that contains the truth, violence and suffering will surely be the result."
"So, how do I stop it?" Gorseflight asked.
"Violent actions creates more violence," Acala replied. A small blossom fell on his shoulder, and he looked over at the flower. Instead of brushing it off, he allowed it to stay. "That's why compassion is the only way to reduce violence. And compassion is not something soft. It takes a lot of courage."
Russetstripe sucked in a breath, and just as she did, one of the hawthorn flowers got caught in her mouth. Oh, no! Before she could stop it, Russetstripe coughed the flower out, and in seconds, several coughs raked her body. Acala, Kundali, and Gorseflight snapped their heads towards the hawthorn bush, their eyes narrowed with suspicion. But once Russetstripe was able to stop coughing, Gorseflight twitched his ears.
"I recognize that scent…" Gorseflight murmured. "Russetstripe, you can come out!"
Gah… Russetstripe stepped out of the shrub, shame burning in her ears as she slid down the side of the valley to approach Gorseflight, Kundali, and Acala. Even though Gorseflight's yellow eyes were narrowed, Kundali and Acala gave Russetstripe a welcoming smile, and Russetstripe realized that she was under no threat. These cats would not attack her – Gorseflight seemed irritated, but other than that, Kundali and Acala looked as if they would give her shelter for the night rather than attack her.
"Russetstripe, what are you doing here?" Gorseflight asked, his eye whiskers twitching.
"Is this a friend of yours, Gorseflight?" Acala asked, curiosity gleaming in his eyes as he looked Russetstripe up and down.
"Yeah," Gorseflight replied, his ears flattening. "But I'm under the impression she was following me."
"Nonsense." Acala shook his head. "Any friend of Gorseflight's is a friend of ours."
"Okay…" Russetstripe frowned in confusion. She was glad that she wasn't threatened here, but she was burning with questions to ask Gorseflight. "So, Gorseflight, who are your… uhm… friends?"
"We are believers of Nirvana," Acala told her, his eyes shining.
"And what is a Nirvana?" Russetstripe asked, puzzled.
"They believe that life is endless and subject to impermanence, suffering, and uncertainty," Gorseflight explained.
"Sounds depressing." Russetstripe sniffed. What kind of ideology embraced suffering?
"That's not all," Gorseflight said. "We believe in escaping suffering and reaching nirvana. Nirvana… is the state of perfect peace, happiness, and enlightenment."
"We believe in karma, too," Acala added. "Karma is the fruits of our action and determines where we go in the next life. The amount of karma we amass depends on where we will go in our last life – whether we will reach eternal peace or enter the seven hells."
Russetstripe's head spun. "So, Gorseflight, you don't believe in StarClan? Is this what you believe instead?"
"After what I've seen?" Gorseflight sniffed. "I acknowledge that they exist, but I do not follow their way. I follow Nirvana. It suits me the most. I would rather find peace at the end of my life than spend the afterlife in StarClan, being forced to watch the Clans at war."
"Okay." Russetstripe felt a sting in her heart. She had always assumed Gorseflight believed in StarClan, but if he didn't, then she couldn't convince him otherwise. After all, he was entitled to his own beliefs, and Russetstripe had no right to interfere in them. "So this is why you've been sneaking out of camp? To meet with these cats?"
"It's not disloyal," Gorseflight said mildly. "It's not like I'm meeting with a mate from another Clan or even visiting another Clan. These cats share my views, that's all, and I like to spend time with them until I understand the true way of the noble path."
"Your views sound very interesting," Russetstripe told Acala. "I've never heard of no-violence. Like Gorseflight said, the Clans are at a state of constant war. We're always fighting, always killing, for a cause I can't remember."
"If only your Clans followed the view of Nirvana," Acala meowed, his voice carrying a tinge of sorrow. "No cat would die."
"I guess," Russetstripe said. She wasn't quite sure she understood Nirvana – how could a cat be reborn endlessly and then find sudden peace? StarClan made much, much more sense. She glanced at Gorseflight, but for the first time in ages, she saw a bright light gleaming in his eyes. Well, if he's happy, then I'm happy. Maybe I'll ask him to explain it more to me.
"It also… helps with the pain," Gorseflight murmured under his breath.
"The what?" Russetstripe looked at Gorseflight.
"When you love someone who doesn't love you back," Gorseflight said. Unlike Blackdove, there was no pressed smile on his face, just a silent acceptance. Loved someone who doesn't love you back…? Like Blackdove? Russetstripe gazed at Gorseflight, begging for more answers. How many cats have an unrequited love in this Clan?
"W-who…?" Russetstripe finally asked. More of her friends were suffering. Couldn't she help them in any way? There may have been nothing she could have done for Blackdove, but maybe she could bring back Gorseflight before it was too late.
"Wildheart." Gorseflight's voice was soft.
Wildheart? Russetstripe nearly gagged. Gah, how many cats are in love with that arrogant good-for-nothing she-cat? But insulting Wildheart wouldn't ease the hurt in Gorseflight's heart. Acala touched his tail to Gorseflight's shoulder, and Gorseflight glanced at him.
"Oh, Gorseflight," Acala murmured, meeting the mottled tom's gaze. "Some cats are meant to fall in love, but not meant to be together. But in the end, only three things matter, like Nirvana said – how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you."
"I guess," Gorseflight said, but his voice was thick with sadness and he swallowed a lump in his throat. Russetstripe touched her nose to Gorseflight's, hoping her eyes could convey what she couldn't say. The WindClan warrior gave her a small nod, as if accepting her silent sorrow. Russetstripe looked up at the sky, noticing how the stars were gradually fading to make way for the predawn. It's that late already?
Acala followed Russetstripe's gaze. He cleared his throat, stretched his limbs, and addressed Gorseflight with a dip of his head. "You should go home, Gorseflight. You told me that your leader wouldn't be keen finding out you're meeting with us. Although I see nothing wrong with embracing traditions not of your own, I also do not want to see you get in trouble."
"Okay." Gorseflight flicked his tail in goodbye to Acala and Kundali. Russetstripe gave them a respectful blow and followed Gorseflight as the tom bounded out of the valley. Russetstripe took one last look over her shoulder, watching as the Nirvana cats welcomed the sunlight with a gentle prayer. Then, she turned and plunged after Gorseflight.
The two cats ran through the moor in an awkward silence. The tension between them was palpable, and Russetstripe could see that although Gorseflight didn't seem angry, he was definitely borderline irritated. Russetstripe couldn't take the silence from him anymore, so she finally meowed, "I'm sorry for following you."
"Why did you?" Gorseflight asked.
"You've been leaving camp every night for days," Russetstripe pointed out. "I wanted to see where you were going. To be honest, I thought you had a mate in another Clan."
"There will be no cat for me but Wildheart," Gorseflight said flatly. "But she is in love with someone else."
"I know," Russetstripe murmured. I know. "I'm sorry, Gorseflight."
"It's not your fault," Gorseflight replied. "After all, Scorchclaw would be a better mate than I am. He's the Clan deputy, he's stronger, faster, and braver. He fights in the battles while I question them. He is a firm believer in StarClan while I believe in a completely other sect. He is destined to be Clan leader when I will always be nothing less than a warrior."
Russetstripe shifted her paws nervously. "Are you going to leave the Clan, Gorseflight?" she asked.
"No." Gorseflight shook his head. "I just want to live my life without having to hurt any cat. I guess that's too much to ask." The tom quickened his pace until they crossed the moor to the WindClan camp. The dawn sky was bathed in swaths of rose and orange, and Russetstripe could see Scorchclaw, already beginning to order the morning patrols. Gorseflight's face contorted as Wildheart's dark tortoiseshell figure padded up to Scorchclaw to nuzzle him.
"She's not worth your time," Russetstripe murmured.
"Isn't she?" Gorseflight countered. "It's okay, Russetstripe. I've got new friends. They'll help me learn how to live with the pain."
"I'm sure they will," Russetstripe assured. "Just… hang onto them, okay? If they share your beliefs, then I'm sure that you'll grow as a cat, too. You don't have to fit in with what the Clan believes. You can be you."
"Just like how you don't fit in with what your father expects of you, hmm?" Gorseflight's whiskers twitched in amusement.
"I'm done trying to be the doll he expects me to be," Russetstripe growled. "And you shouldn't be what WindClan expects of you. You should be free to be your own cat, Gorseflight."
"Thanks, Russetstripe," Gorseflight meowed. Russetstripe watched him head back into camp, and although she was happy that Gorseflight seemed to find a place where he could fit in, she couldn't ignore the ominous feeling building in her stomach that it wouldn't last.