chapter two
"Dean, you gotta calm down," Sam's voice broke through Rosie's sleep. "She's just being a stupid kid who misses her dad."
"So what Sam?" Dean yelled exasperatedly. "We didn't have dad here and we never tried to steal the FUCKING car!"
Sam sighed and put his head into his hand. "I know, Dean. All I'm saying is that maybe you just hear her out before you take it out the Winchester ass beating way."
Dean nodded and took a large swig of his whiskey — though it was only 7 in the morning. Rosie sat up on her bed and left out a loud sigh of pain. The potion of painkillers and alcohol had taken a tremendous toll on her body and Rosie's collarbone ached from not being patched up correctly. She heard the clatter of a bottle on the table and footsteps leading to her door, carefully, Rosie sat up against the wall, on the worn down mattress.
"Look who's up!" Dean exclaimed loudly, while slamming open the door, causing his sister to clutch her head in pain.
"Dean…" Her voice trailed off. Suddenly, the events of the previous night came flooding back into her head: The alcohol, the painkillers, the cutting and trying to sneak away — all of it. Her eyes widened in shock and looking at her brothers a terrified look came across her face. "Oh shit," She said quietly, almost in a whisper.
"Just realizing how much trouble you're in, huh?" Came Dean's voice, sounding an awful too much like John's.
"Yes sir," She whispered respectfully, subconsciously putting a hand over her collarbone, praying that it had not opened in the night.
"Well," He began, "let's cut to the chase and talk before we get to any ass beating kid." She cringed in forshadowing pain, "I mean what the fuck happened last night?" Dean said unbelievingly.
"Dean, come on," Sam said, slapping his shoulder a bit, giving him a shut the hell up kind of look. "What Dean means, Rosie, is that we are just confused. I mean everything seemed to be going fine and then you woke us up at 3 AM, drunk and trying to drive away in the Impala."
Rosie swallowed the growing lump in her throat. She was very thankful that Sam was there to mediate or she would already be facing the sting of Dean's leather belt.
"Rosie, so help me, you better start talking or the listening portion of our conversation is over." Dean threatened.
"I … I don't know," She admitted quickly. Rosie wasn't too sure how much her brothers knew. Maybe they just knew about the drinking, or maybe all three. I need to be careful. She thought. Don't give too much away. "I just missed dad. I was pissed at him for not showing up and I made a stupid decision. I just wasn't thinking abo—"
"That's right Rosie, you weren't fucking thinking or you wouldn't have stolen my damn keys and tried to drive my Baby." Dean growled.
She nodded her head, finding a stain on the comforter particularly interesting. Rosie moved her hand away from her shoulder; however, as she did so, a couple of red blood spots had started to seep through her shirt from the pressure of her hand.
"What the hell is that?" Sam asked, quickly walking over to his sister and taking a seat on the bed next to her.
"It's nothing!" Rosie responded defensively. Sam tried to pull her close to him, but was met with increased restraint from his sister. "Leave me alone Sam!"
"HEY!" Dean yelled and all of her defenses dropped as she looked at him in respectful fear. "Stay still Rosie. Sam," He motioned at their sister.
"I just need to see what's up, kiddo," Sam said gently.
"Please Sammy," She pleaded, tears starting to form in her eyes. "Please."
"Would you rather wait till dad comes home Rosie? Have him deal with this in his way? Because I promise that we are the easy option here kiddo." Dean almost threatened.
"No! No you can't tell dad!" Tears started to flow freely. It was so early and everything was falling apart so fast. If she had thought that today would be the day she finally admitted her self harm or ever growing pain killer addiction to her brothers, she wouldn't have bothered to wake up. Everything inside of her screamed to just run away. Run away from her brothers and dad and just live as a disappointment somewhere else. Sam interrupted her thoughts as he started to tug at the hem of her shirt.
"Come on, Petal," He gently nudged. Rosie nodded her head and took a shaky breath. With hesitation she slowly lifted her shirt, revealing a large slew of scars and open cuts displayed all over her stomach and chest.
"What the hell…?" Dean said in shock, almost to himself.
"Rosie…" Sam whispered quietly.
"I know, you don't have to say it," She wiped her nose, letting her shirt fall back into its original position. "I'll just pack a bag. I know that I don't deserve to be here anymore," Rosie was beginning to have trouble breathing as each exhale made her diaphragm shake. "I'm … I'm too weak. I'm not l-like you guys. I can't —"
She was interrupted by Sam's arms wrapping her in a tight hug and pulling her close to his chest. "Shhh. It's okay kiddo," He said quietly. Dean stood up and went to sit on the other end of the bed, on the opposite side of his sister. Slowly his hand made circles in her back, something that he had always done to help calm her down since she was a little kid.
"Rosie…" Dean's voice trailed off. In truth, he didn't know what to say. He and Sam both dealt with their stress of hunting in self destructive ways and of course his baby sister wasn't weak. However, as he continued to think about it, Dean started to feel his irritation rise. How could she think that?! His hand continued to rub circles on her back, while he kept thinking of what to say to her. He was furious at her for getting drunk and stealing his car, but at the end of the day, his sister willingly hurt herself to make up for her made-up mistakes.
Meanwhile, as the brother's minds ran wild with everything that had happened to Rosie within the last few minutes, her eyes weren't able to remain open, and with tears and exhaustion, sleep overtook the young Winchester.
—
"Rosie," Sam's voice called out gently about an hour or so later as her head pounded. She sat up, wiping the sleepiness from her eyes.
"Hey Sammy," She said quietly, almost too embarrassed to be speaking to him.
"I know that you don't wanna talk about this right now, but we gotta get you patched up. The, uh … Well the one up by your collarbone should have had stitches immediately." Sam said sadly. "I don't know how you were able to put yourself through that much pain and not tell us kiddo."
"I'm sorry Sammy," Rosie responded right away, unable to meet his eyes.
"Hey," He said, taking her hand and helping her stand up, "Don't apologize to me Rosie. There's nothing you need to be sorry for with this. Pulling his sister close to his chest, he rubbed a comforting hand through her hair. "Come on kiddo. Let's get you patched up. I'll get the med kit and we can —"
"No!" Rosie exclaimed. "No Sammy!" She tried to think of an excuse for her brother not to grab the first aid essentials. Stitches didn't scare or bother her, but if her brothers looked in the med kit there would be no question that they would find out about her stealing the medication from the night before. While normally she would have been able to put everything in its proper order, Rosie was sure that she mistanicaly did not put everything away correctly.
Sam looked at her curiously, "Rosie, why? What's wrong?" He asked again, concerned.
"I — I uh," But before she could think of an excuse, Dean's booming voice broke through their conversation.
"Rosie Mary Winchester!" Dean's voice rumbled. Stalking into the single bedroom, he held a very familiar yellow bottle of prescription medication in one hand, and a very messy first aid kit in the other. "Why the fuck are more than half of dad's pills gone, huh?" He questioned, with not only anger but fear in her eyes. He shook the bottle in front of her face. Sam pulled his sister away from his chest and looked into her now very fearful eyes.
"Rosie, tell me you didn't," Sam said quietly.
Unable to produce any words, a simple head nod was her only response.
Dean threw the bottle against the motel wall. "Fuck Rosie! I mean come on kid!"
"Dean!" Sam yelled, "Dude, I'm pissed too, but just take a breath man," Came the long haired voice of reason.
Rosie sniffled and tried to put distance between herself and her brothers. Nothing that she could say would make this situation better at the moment.
"Is that how we didn't hear you screaming in pain while you did that," Dean motioned to her wounds, "to yourself. Because kid I gotta tell you that even I would be yelling if someone else cut me that deep."
Rosie nodded her head finding the courage to meet his eyes. "Yes Dean,'' came the quiet reply.
"I don't even know what to say to you right now Rosie," Dean put his head into his hands, "I mean… You know what, just get your ass into the kitchen and find a corner. I need to calm down." Rosie looked at him with fear as she took too long to respond to Dean's order. Taking a few steps over to his sister, he turned her body under his arm and swatted her behind five times "Now." Dean growled, turning her around to face him, looking at her with no remorse.
Shit! She thought. That hurt! Then, faster than the flash, Rosie ran past her brothers and found an open corner in the small kitchen. Crossing her hands behind her back and standing at attention, all of her focus went to a small stain on the wall.
She could hear her brother's talking for a moment, but was too entranced thinking about her mistakes to make out exactly what they were saying. A few seconds later, she heard the sound of keys and a slam of the motel door. Sam sighed and walked over to his sister, putting a hand on her shoulder.
"Rosie, turn around," He ordered, voice full of betrayal. With tears streaming down her face, she turned to face her brother. "Before Dean gets back, I need to patch up your cut. It's gonna get infected otherwise." Sam's voice held no emotion. No fear, no anger and what seemed like no care.
"Yes Sammy," She whispered. Following her brother to the brown stained kitchen table, Rosie took a seat next to Sam.
He sighed exasperatedly looking at the torn apart med kit. There was more than just pain medication stolen. The butterfly stitches were all but gone, as were the bandages and the infection gelly was on its last legs. Sam looked up at his sister in disbelief.
"What the hell Rosie," Sam said in a close too much like John Winchester's. "I mean, what the hell? This is destroyed! You know that safety is one of the most important things in this family and if someone gets hurt and we don't have the proper care kit to treat them, then something really bad will happen. Do you want someone to die because you are unable to ask for help?" He scolded. Rosie swallowed the lump in her throat, not used to being corrected by Sam — usually that was Dean's job.
"No sir," She whispered, looking down at the med kit.
"Rosie," He said firmly. "After Dean is done with whatever he is going to do," Sam let out a deep breath, "You're gonna answer to me too for this."
At that pronouncement, Rosie's head shot up in surprise. Sam had never punished her before and she was terrified at the idea. "Sammy,"
"Don't Sammy me right now, Rosie." He chided, "I'm not your friend right now." Another set of tears filled the young girl's eyes. "Relax," Sam said, putting a hand on her knee. "I'm not gonna belt you or anything. I'm just gonna make sure that this never happens again," He assured forbiddingly. "Dean will take care of the ass beating. I haven't quite decided what I'm gonna do yet. But Petal," His voice softened for the first time since the conversation had begun. "Dean is so frustrated, because, yes, you seriously messed up, but we also have to tell dad about the pain meds." Suddenly, Rosie's eyes widened in horror.
"NO, Sammy! Please!" She panicked standing up from the table and moving away from her brother.
"Rosie, sit down," He threatened. "I know I haven't spanked you before, but I swear if you don't listen to me right now, you're going over my knee."
With shaky legs and hitched breathing, Rosie somehow managed to make her way back to the chair. "Wh- Why can't Dean just spa—" she paused, unable to finish the word, "take care of it?"
He smiled sadly, "Because Rosie, this was his medication. Dean and I would have a hell of a time getting more of this, and dad has a sure proof way to get this narcotic without raising any red flags. Dean's upset because he doesn't wanna tell him." Now, Rosie began sobbing. Crashing into her brother's chest, her begs and pleading were drowned out by her tears. "I know Rosie," He comforted, rubbing a gentle hand through her hair.
However, within a few seconds of heavy crying, her breaths bagan to hitch more and more sporadically. Sam immediately recognized that this was the beginning of a panic attack. "Hey, hey, hey," He soothed, pulling her away from his chest. "I need you to breathe with me Petal." With shaky breaths, she attempted to follow her older brother's oxygen pattern.
"H-he's gonna .. He's gonna —"
"Rosie," He warned with a tone of tough love, "Stop talking and breathe with me."
She closed her eyes and tried to focus. It was beginning to become too overwhelming for the youngest Winchester as too many thoughts started swarming her mind. Rosie tried to focus on Sam's hands that had been placed on her shoulders. Opening her eyes, she saw her brother's concerned face and she wanted to calm down so he wouldn't get angrier at her. Finally, within a few box breathing patterns, her diaphragm began to even out and her vision returned to normalcy. With the room no longer spinning, Rosie looked up sadly at her brother.
"He's gonna kill me Sammy," She said quietly.
"No," He shook his head, "Neither of them are going to kill you Petal."
"You don't know that Sam." Rosie shook her head. "You saw the way that Dean left. I mean I'm too old for a span—" She paused at the word again, too embarrassed to say it, "punishment like that."
Sam shook his head. "You know you're not Rosie. Dean got his last one when he was 20."
Rosie cringed at the idea. She hated the fact that she didn't have a say. It was her ass after all, right? "Sam, you have to try to talk him down."
Surprisingly to Rosie, Sam actually laughed out loud. "Rosie, if anyone it would be me that would back down, but Dean? Kiddo, Dean isn't gonna let this go."
Hanging her head, Rosie nodded. "Yes Sammy," She sighed, almost forgetting that she was in trouble with him as well as Dean and her dad.
He smiled sadly, gently placing a hand under her chin. "Come on, let's get you patched up and back in the corner before Dean gets back." Nodding, Rosie took off her shirt, leaving a cut up young girl sitting in a sports bra in front of her brother.
Sam's breath hitched. He had gotten a glimpse of her stomach and scarred chest, but now viewing it in the full light took him by surprise. "Rosie… There may be more of these that need some attention. This looks infected and a couple others at least need butterfly stitches."
Sadly she nodded, "Just do what you have to do Sam."
Sam was taken back by her willingness to cooperate. He quickly made work of spraying some new numbing spray over her collarbone and sterilized his needle with a lighter. "This may hurt, I'll try my best, but the spot is hard because—"
"I knew that it would scar Sam," Rosie responded quietly. "That's why I did it there."
He was taken aback, not knowing exactly what to say. "Rosie," He tried.
"No Sam, please I don't wanna talk about it anymore."
"Okay Petal," He met her eyes, looking concerned at his sister, "But you're gonna have to talk soon, at least to Dean and I. Just … I can imagine that these things are hard to talk about, but we're always here to listen too. We're worried about you Rosie and you're gonna need to talk soon, okay?"
Sadly, Rosie nodded. She watched as Sam began to work on her sutures underneath her collarbone and made quick work of repairing the other wounds. Soon enough the damage was at least amended and the first aid kit was now thoroughly depleted.
"Okay Rosie," Sam stood up and offered a hand out to his sister. "Go get back in the corner. I'm going to wait for Dean and then head out so you guys can … chat."
Rosie almost laughed, almost. "By chat, you mean …"
"Yeah" Sam tried to condole. "Probably not too much talking." He said sadly, "Go on kiddo,"
Rosie nodded and made her way over to the same empty corner; but, before she planted herself at attention in the area, she turned to face her brother. "Sammy?" Rosie asked, causing him to turn around, "Thank you." She said softly.
Sam once more smiled sadly and made his way over, wrapping his arms around her body. "I know Petal. It's okay, just focus on this and we'll talk again later, sound good?"
"Yes Sammy," Rosie responded, looking up at her skyscraper of a brother. Sam gave her shoulder a small encouragement to face the corner and after a couple minutes of the siblings completing their tasks in silence — Rosie standing in the corner and Sam working on taking inventory — the Impala was heard outside.
Shit. She thought. Within a minute the door opened and a calmer version of Dean stepped into the room.
"Stand straighter Rosie." Dean ordered, wanting to find something to correct.
Rosie fixed her posture as Dean turned to his brother.
"I know," Sam held up his hands in surrender. "I'm going to leave for a bit. I'll be at the store to try and restock. We are gonna have to let dad know that—"
"I know Sam. I'll deal with it, just give us about an hour."
An hour? She thought. What the hell is he gonna do to me? Lost in thought, Rosie heard the door close. Sam was gone and Hurricane Dean had arrived. The couch made a small squeak as Dean took a seat. Subconsciously, she adjusted her posture.
Dean cleared his throat and finally spoke. "Come 'ere Rosie."