Brambledusk helped Buzzardwing to his paws as the tom shook on his unsteady ginger paws. The pale tabby looked down his brother's side, wincing at the long gashes on both his sides. Blood was pooling at a rapid pace from them, and Brambledusk knew his brother would bleed out if he didn't get to the medicine den in time.
"Go back to camp," Brambledusk ordered him.
"But—"
"Now." Brambledusk's voice was as cold as ice, and Buzzardwing nodded, clearly thinking that it was better to obey than to argue. The ginger tabby tom limped away from the battlefield, his blood creating a trail behind him as he started the long trek to camp. Brambledusk watched him go, a sense of defeat hanging over him.
I can't believe we lost. Brambledusk had been horrified to see the number of cats facing them when they had approached the battlefield. Just like Talonstar and Scorchstar, he had been expecting an easy victory, thinking they would be facing just RiverClan alone. The shock he had felt when Rootstar emerged from the woods with what seemed like his entire Clan behind him shook him to his core. It was that moment when Brambledusk knew it would be the fight of his life.
He wondered if he should blame Scorchstar. He hadn't imagined Scorchstar to anticipate Rootstar's arrival either – after all, Brambledusk hadn't. But Scorchstar had still led them to battle. And we followed, Brambledusk thought. It'd be a coward's move to turn away. But it would have saved lives.
But Brambledusk finally understood. They couldn't avoid fighting to create a new world. No… they would have to fight to create it. It still doesn't mean we should throw innocent lives away, Brambledusk thought. I know cats died today. Seeing the way RiverClan and ThunderClan fought, it'd be preposterous to assume that no cat died. But… I don't think this is a useless battle like Swiftstar would have fought. It was a losing one… but if we never fought it, I think that Dapplestar would've just marched onto our camp anyway.
Brambledusk watched Buzzardwing disappear and then turned on his heel. He winced as he put weight on his paws, and then he looked at his front paw, realizing that it was wrenched. Damn that Brookfeather. She had been the hardest cat to fight. ThunderClan is stronger than I ever thought they were. Rootstar changed them, that's for sure. Brambledusk limped away from where he had sent Buzzardwing off in an attempt to find Scorchstar.
He spotted his leader's ginger-and-white tabby fur looming over a limp bundle of fur. Brambledusk hopped faster to him and joined his side when he recognized Thrushwing's corpse right at the stream bank. Scorchstar's head was low, and Brambledusk cleared his throat to announce his arrival. Scorchstar looked at his deputy, his ears flat.
"Go ahead," Scorchstar growled. "Tell me how you're going to step down because I've wasted innocent lives, just like you said."
"I don't think you wasted any innocent life," Brambledusk said, his heart twisting at the agony written all over Scorchstar's face. He really didn't mean for this to happen. I didn't, either. It was the same expression Scorchstar wore when Brambledusk had attacked him with Adderstripe – the expression of a defeated, broken cat. Guilt gnawed at the pits of Brambledusk's stomach, and the doubts he wore burned brighter than ever.
"Seedfur is dead, too," Scorchstar told him.
Surprise made Brambledusk's ears shoot up. The pale tabby tom let out a sigh, unsure of what to say. "We had to win here if we were going to create a new world," he echoed his own words. But we didn't. The sense of ominous defeat hung between the two toms, and Brambledusk had no idea what to say to his leader.
Scorchstar got to his paws, grabbing Thrushwing by his scruff and laying him over his back. "Brambledusk, take the Clan home," the WindClan tom ordered. "We have to heal. There'll be no fighting for a while."
"Understood," Brambledusk said as Scorchstar padded away. Brambledusk wondered where he was going, but didn't follow him. Instead, he obeyed his orders, walking over to where the WindClan cats were rising and gathering together. No cat spoke to each other. They either licked their own wounds or sat and tried to catch their own breath. Brambledusk walked over to them, doing a head count to make sure all the cats were there.
Like Scorchstar had said, Seedfur wasn't among the standing cats. Instead, she was on the back of Lightningtalon. Cinderfall's pale blue eyes widened with horror as he raced over to Lightningtalon, his jaw agape in horror.
"Seedfur!" Cinderfall gasped. "No!" He dragged Seedfur's body from Lightningtalon, who let out a grunt of shock as Cinderfall pulled her down. He circled around her, trying to examine her face, and then he dropped down next to her, nudging her with his paws. "No…"
"Brother." Brambledusk walked over to Cinderfall. His raw grief brought tears to Brambledusk's eyes. Did he love her? "She's gone."
"She can't be!" Cinderfall yowled. "We were supposed to win! It was supposed to be an easy victory! Seedfur can't be dead!"
Brambledusk touched his brother's shoulder with his nose. "I'm sorry."
Cinderfall dug his head into Brambledusk's fur. "I loved her," he choked through wails. "She was going to be my mate when we came home. She was going to have my kits, and we were going to raise a family."
Pity for his brother, for his loss – and what could be – made Brambledusk choke back a sob of his own. He nuzzled Cinderfall's head, knowing what it was like to lose the cats you loved. Because of battle. He wasn't sure what to say to him. Brambledusk had suffered his losses in painful silence, but Cinderfall clearly was unable to. His sobs muffled against Brambledusk's fur, and out of the corner of his eye, Brambledusk watched Lightningtalon pick Seedfur's lifeless body up again.
"Come," Brambledusk murmured. "We need to go back to camp."
"What's the point of going home if Seedfur isn't there?" Cinderfall yowled.
"She would want you to live on," Brambledusk told him.
"A life without her is empty." Cinderfall's blue eyes were misted with tears. "I… I can't… go on… without her."
"You don't know unless you try." Brambledusk stared at his brother, meeting his agonizing gaze. "Do you remember what I told you, when Mother died?"
Cinderfall was trembling, his gray fur slick with blood – of his own or of another cat's, Brambledusk didn't know. "You told me that she was watching over us."
"Seedfur is with her, now," Brambledusk told him. "She will be watching over you. She will always love you, Cinderfall. Don't let her down by thinking you can't live without her."
His brother gazed up at Brambledusk. "I wish it was me," he whispered.
Brambledusk was silent. Nothing he was saying was getting through to him. I had no idea he loved her so much, he thought. Did I miss it? When I was promising to protect my brothers, did I miss out on them living their lives? The WindClan deputy touched his nose to Cinderfall's ear and gently urged him to his paws. Cinderfall wavered on his paws, and Brambledusk nodded to Lilystream, who padded over to the two cats and held Cinderfall up.
"WindClan, we're going home," Brambledusk announced.
Dovewillow's pale brown fur was stained with blood. Pain glazed Russetstripe's green eyes, and her old wounds had reopened, with additional gashes marking her ginger pelt. Songbreeze was coughing up blood, and Heathercloud was touching a tear in her ear with her paw. Aspenstep shook out his bloodied pelt, and Harewhisker was moving awkwardly as he tried to walk towards Brambledusk. Brambledusk watched them, anger and dismay gripping his heart and twisting it into shreds. He turned on his heel and started to lead them away from the battlefield.
The walk back to camp was excruciatingly slow – having to keep pace for the injured warriors delayed their trek and made the defeat all the more too real as they thought about it. Not to mention that Lightningtalon was walking next to Brambledusk, which meant that the cats behind him had full access to Seedfur's dead body. Cinderfall's sobs punctuated the heavy silence, and no cat bothered to tell him to keep quiet – it was insensitive and they all felt the sorrow as well. Cinderfall was just the only cat brave enough to outwardly display it.
Just as the sun ended its descent down into the ground and stars started to glitter in the sky, Brambledusk reached the ridge of camp with his patrol behind him. He allowed Lightningtalon to go down the hollow first, holding Seedfur's body tight to his back. Just as Lightningtalon leaped down, his paws making contact with the grass, a sharp howl split the camp into two and made Brambledusk's hackles rise and the fur on the back of his spine prick up.
It was a cat in pain. Had RiverClan or ThunderClan sent a patrol to attack WindClan? To finish them off? Ignoring the wounds that screamed when Brambledusk moved too fast, the WindClan deputy slid down the hollow and swung his gaze around wildly to see the source of the sound. But when the yowl came again, Brambledusk pinpointed it towards the nursery. Lightningtalon's jaw dropped, and he raced away from the entrance, dropping Seedfur's body on the ground. Brambledusk wrestled his jaws shut, wanting to snap at his brother for such a disrespectful move, but as he angled his ears closer, he realized that Waspberry was the cat crying out.
Cinderfall leaped down behind Brambledusk and cradled Seedfur's body close to his. The rest of the patrol swarmed down into the clearing, and Brambledusk looked behind him, trying to make out any sign of Scorchstar. But he wasn't there. Brambledusk crossed the clearing towards the nursery, peering in and calling out, "What's going on in there?"
Lightningtalon was the cat who replied. "Waspberry is having her kits!" he exclaimed.
"What?" Brambledusk's amber eyes widened. Just as the defeated cats returned, needing Violetheart's help? He could see a flash of Violetheart's gray fur in the gorse bush. What awful timing! But there was no cat who could control when kits would come, so Brambledusk stepped back and let the medicine cat take care of Waspberry. In moments, Lightningtalon was being pushed out of the den – but by who, Brambledusk didn't know.
"They won't let me in!" Lightningtalon growled. "But what I saw… she's in so much pain…"
"Lightningtalon." Brambledusk's voice was hard. "Tell me. Are you prepared to be a father?"
Lightningtalon's amber eyes widened. "Why… why wouldn't I be?"
"Tell me this isn't just a fling with Waspberry." Brambledusk loomed deeper into Lightningtalon. He had never brought this up with the tom – but Waspberry had been a warrior when Lightningtalon was just born. Waspberry had also become pregnant quickly – so soon after Lightningtalon became a warrior. Was it true love these cats shared? Or was it just a crush that proceeded too quickly? "Do you love her?" Cinderfall's grief over Seedfur showed Brambledusk that he genuinely loved Seedfur. But was it the same with Lightningtalon?
"I…" Lightningtalon's voice trailed off. "I…"
Brambledusk's ears twitched in irritation. "Why can't you tell me you love her? Do you?"
Lightningtalon's jaws were shut.
"Damn it, Lightningtalon." Brambledusk's tail lashed. "You don't get to run around with she-cats, play with their feelings, get them pregnant, and then run away! I taught you better than that! Did I not tell you to respect your Clanmates' feelings?"
"I… I do like her!" Lightningtalon defended himself. "But… but then… I see how Scorchstar interacts with Wildheart… and Aspenstep with Sandfall… and then I think to myself… that…"
"That you don't feel the same way with Waspberry." Brambledusk finished Lightningtalon's sentence for him. "I'm disappointed in you, Lightningtalon. I thought you were better than that."
"Brother, please," Lightningtalon said, desperation and sadness clouding his yellow eyes. "I'm confiding in you. I didn't tell any other cat, because I know this is such a horrible thing. So I hid it – I concealed it, and I let every cat think that we were desperately in love. When the truth is… I don't know what love feels like. At all."
Brambledusk's ears flattened. Although his brother was right in the fact that he was confiding in Brambledusk, out of trust and perhaps desperation, Brambledusk couldn't find any sympathy for how Lightningtalon had simply played with Waspberry's feelings and was telling Brambledusk that he didn't love her. How am I supposed to react to this? I don't know anything about love, either! But… he's my brother, and these are new kits in the Clan. I've got to tell him something.
"If you don't love Waspberry, then at least be there for these kits." Brambledusk's amber eyes hardened. "Whatever you feel for her, these kits are yours and hers. You must raise them and be there for them."
"Brother, I didn't mean for it to go this far," Lightningtalon confessed, his head hanging and his tail trailing behind him. For the first time, Brambledusk saw him as he really was – a young father who had made a mistake and couldn't turn back. Brambledusk swallowed a lump at his throat. He knew his kin better than any other cat, and he didn't want to push him away to the point where he no longer confided in him. The anger Brambledusk felt ebbed away to be replaced with sympathy. He's so young. He shouldn't be a father.
"I know you didn't." Brambledusk touched his tail to Lightningtalon's shoulder. "But what's done is done. You have a new responsibility now."
"I'm not ready." Lightningtalon's confession wasn't surprising to Brambledusk, but it made his muscles tense.
"Doesn't matter." Brambledusk shook his head. "You have no choice. These are your kits. You can't leave them without a father."
"But I won't make a good one," Lightningtalon fretted. "Maybe… maybe these kits are better off without me."
"What?" A low growl rose from Brambledusk's throat. "You're just going to leave them?"
"No!" Lightningtalon exclaimed. "No, never. But I…"
"But you what?" Brambledusk glared at his brother.
"I don't know." Lightningtalon shook his head. "I've… I've got to think about this." The black-and-white tom, still bleeding from the battle and limping awkwardly, turned on his heel, and trekked away from his brother.
"Lightningtalon, get back here!" Brambledusk yowled after him, but his words didn't seem to reach Lightningtalon's ears, and the tom disappeared from camp. "Get back here!"
But his brother never came back. Fury for Lightningtalon rushed through Brambledusk like a wave, and all he wanted to do was bash some sense into his brother. Surely Lightningtalon couldn't get a queen pregnant and then leave her kits behind? I can't let that happen. I understand that he's not ready, that maybe he doesn't love Waspberry, but kits are a vital part of the Clan, and he has to be a father! Just like… Swiftstar never was to Adderstripe. Like he told me. Oh. Is this what it is? No…
Brambledusk shook those thoughts away. He'd talk to Lightningtalon when he returned. Just as Brambledusk watched the camp entrance, his lips pressed tightly together, he saw Scorchstar's ginger-and-white pelt spill down the hollow and land onto the clearing. Scorchstar walked through the camp, and Brambledusk padded over to meet him. The tom walked with a gaunt expression, his head hanging and his tail trailing behind him.
"Where's Thrushwing?" Brambledusk asked.
"I buried him, next to my father," Scorchstar replied. "That's how he would've wanted to go."
Brambledusk flinched.
"Sorry." Scorchstar sighed. He looked towards the nursery as the commotion shook the gorse bush to its core. "What's going on there?"
Grateful to change the subject, Brambledusk replied, "Waspberry is kitting."
"That's excellent news!" Scorchstar's amber eyes shone. "Lightningtalon must be happy."
"Yeah…" Brambledusk had no idea what to say.
"Where is he?" Scorchstar looked around the clearing, angling his ears and peering his eyelids to search for the black tom.
"I don't know," Brambledusk lied. He didn't want to tell Scorchstar of Lightningtalon's true feelings. It was Lightningtalon's secret to be told, and Brambledusk had no right to spread it through the Clan, or to tell other cats.
"Wasn't he behind you?" Scorchstar asked.
"He'll be back," Brambledusk replied. "Shouldn't you go to the medicine den and wait until Violetheart comes back?"
"I actually wanted to see Wildheart and my kits," Scorchstar said. Seconds later, a shadow fell over his dark amber eyes as he focused his gaze intently on his deputy. "Brambledusk…" His voice lowered to a whisper. "I lost a life."
"What?" Brambledusk clamped his jaws shut as he realized his voice came out loud. Scorchstar's ears flattened. "So soon?"
Scorchstar nodded. "During the battle. Emberflame took it from me."
Emberflame. The cat Swiftstar had imprisoned. Brambledusk let out a sigh. He should've known that Emberflame would've wanted revenge, sooner or later. "I'm sorry, Scorchstar."
Scorchstar sighed. "The only thing I thought about was wanting to come back to my kits. To my family. I didn't want to die and leave them behind. I could never."
How different from Lightningtalon, Brambledusk thought. "I'm sure you can go in there after Waspberry finishes kitting."
"No," Scorchstar replied, shaking his head. "I'll let Lightningtalon in first. The first cat in the nursery after a queen kits should always be her mate."
"Yeah…" Brambledusk's voice trailed off. Just as he turned around to walk away, he could hear Violetheart's jubilant cry from the nursery.
"Two she-kits! Well done, Waspberry. What will you be naming them?"
Brambledusk couldn't hear Waspberry's reply, but just after those words, Violetheart appeared out of the nursery and started to trek towards the medicine den, where she had a line of injured warriors waiting for her. Scorchstar limped over to her.
"What did Waspberry name them?" he asked.
"She wanted to wait for Lightningtalon," Violetheart replied, her sharp blue eyes scanning the camp. "Where is he?"
Scorchstar shrugged. "No idea."
"Well, go let her know," Violetheart said. "And then come see me after. Looks like it was a hard battle." Her eyes were tinged with sorrow as the line of injured cats stretched out nearly to the entrance of camp.
Scorchstar sighed. "It was." The ginger-and-white tabby tom left the words on that as he walked away towards the nursery. Violetheart shook out her fur and gazed at Brambledusk.
"Is this how we're building the new world?" she asked him. "By losing every battle we come across?"
"We weren't prepared for ThunderClan to attack with RiverClan," Brambledusk defended himself feebly. "We were never expecting that."
"It doesn't matter." Violetheart sighed. "I'm getting old, Brambledusk. The wars and injured cats I constantly see wear me down. I don't know how much longer I can go on."
"Violetheart…?" Brambledusk stared at her.
"All I know that," Violetheart murmured, "is that I want to see a world of peace. Our ancestors never wanted to see us ripping each other into shreds at the slightest inconvenience."
"You think this battle was a waste?" Brambledusk asked her, his eyes on Scorchstar as he disappeared into nursery. "We lost Seedfur and Thrushwing for no reason?"
A flash of alarm glinted in Violetheart's eyes at the news. Brambledusk realized that this was the first time she was hearing of this. Then the medicine cat sighed. "War is a gamble. You'd do well to remember that." With that, Violetheart disappeared into her den.
Brambledusk watched her go. War was a gamble, she was right. But what other way was there to defend WindClan and keep them safe from invaders? Are we going to be strong if the inside of our Clan starts to fall apart, too? Waspberry's kits were just born – and their father seemed to want nothing to do with them. Family was what made Brambledusk the cat he was. He had promised his mother that he would raise their brothers in a safe world where they would never be harmed, yet Cinderfall had lost his mate and Lightningtalon had kits that he wanted nothing to do with. Had Brambledusk failed in teaching his siblings the importance of family? Would family be what protected WindClan?
Brambledusk had no idea.