The full moon set a wide silver sheen on the island, illuminating the waves of the water as they lapped against the shore. Russetstripe leaped over the foliage and shook out her ginger fur. This would be the first Gathering since the defeat of WindClan and ShadowClan by ThunderClan and RiverClan. WindClan was the first Clan here. Scorchstar looked around with his long tail-tip twitching. He turned to address his Clan, his voice low as he said, "Reveal nothing. Remember that WindClan is strong. Let's just get through this so we can go home."
Skypaw, at her first Gathering, looked around the island with wonder shining in her blue eyes. Russetstripe felt a pang of irritation that she hadn't been able to mentor Skypaw – she liked the little cat, and she wondered why Scorchstar paired her off to Harewhisker. Harewhisker was next to his apprentice, sniffing the air intently. Closer to the head of the patrol was Violetheart, who was whispering something to her new apprentice, Sedgepaw. Sedgepaw took in the sight of the island with intent pale green eyes.
Dovewillow and Songbreeze walked away into the island, exchanging hushed words. Blackdove brushed against Russetstripe, her green eyes lost, and Russetstripe wanted to say something to her, but couldn't find the words. Instead, she let the night-black she-cat disappear into the sand of the island. Russetstripe sighed as she walked away. A familiar scent drifted behind her, and Russetstripe turned around.
"Is Blackdove okay?" Scorchstar asked.
I can't believe she's been following you for years, and you still haven't caught on. "Ask her," Russetstripe snapped.
"Woah." Scorchstar blinked twice. "Are you all right?"
Russetstripe sighed. "This is the first Gathering since the battle. How come you aren't anxious?"
"I am," Scorchstar said, "but I can't afford to show it in front of my Clan. I'm their leader."
"Yeah." Russetstripe gave him a stiff nod. "I hope no cat decides to break the full moon treaty."
"If so, StarClan will cover the moon," Scorchstar replied. He flicked his tail against Russetstripe's shoulder and bounded away. Russetstripe watched him reach the Great Oak and leap onto the lowest-hanging branch. He crouched down, focusing his piercing amber gaze on the island. Russetstripe sighed and walked away.
The scent of oak and birch drifted through the entrance of the island, and every WindClan's head snapped to look at the source. Rootstar entered the island with his head held high, the smile on his face coming to life like a flower blooming, effortlessly beautiful. The heady musk of night-blooming flowers hung over the clearing, and Russetstripe found herself utterly transfixed by the ThunderClan leader. How had a graceful tom like him nearly brought WindClan to its knees?
Scorchstar clearly didn't see Rootstar the same way Russetstripe had been captivated by him, for the ginger-and-white tom scowled just as Rootstar jumped onto the Great Oak. But Rootstar showed no sign of being intimidated by Scorchstar's glower, instead, he fixed his gaze on the island, his amber eyes tried and true.
The rest of the ThunderClan cats kept their distance from WindClan. Frostcloud walked over to the edge of the island where Violetheart and Sedgepaw sat. Violetheart gave Frostcloud a kind nod, and whatever animosities spread between the Clans clearly didn't affect the medicine cats. Sunfire shot a venomous glare at Dovewillow, and Peartuft growled at Lightningtalon. Songbreeze glared at Mistcloud, and Willowsong unsheathed her claws slowly when meeting Cinderfall's glare. But, through it all, Rootstar still smiled, as if completely unaware of the tensions below him.
A small brown tabby she-cat trotted from the ThunderClan patrol over to the WindClan cats. Russetstripe held her breath as she padded over to Skypaw. Skypaw turned around, her eyes wide as the she-cat meowed, "Hi! My name's Foxpaw. What's yours?"
"Skypaw," the gray she-cat introduced herself. "Doesn't it look like our Clans are going to be at each other's throats in seconds?"
Foxpaw shrugged. "That's been my Clan for the last half-moon. I—"
"Come on, Skypaw!" Harewhisker pulled Skypaw back by her scruff. "We don't need to talk to ThunderClan."
"Aww!" Skypaw whined as Harewhisker dragged her away from Foxpaw. Foxpaw watched her go, puzzled.
"You too, Foxpaw." Russetstripe recognized Winterfall's silver tabby fur as he walked over to Foxpaw and urged her away. "Didn't I tell you to keep away from WindClan cats? They're bad news."
"I just wanted to say hi…" Foxpaw grumbled.
"Well, you did." Winterfall sighed. Foxpaw followed the silver cat, her brown tail drooping as he joined the crowd of ThunderClan cats. Russetstripe watched them, her green eyes narrowed into slits as they disappeared into the throng of warriors. She sat down on her haunches, wondering if they would ever reach peace with ThunderClan. Probably not as long as the Clans are at war, she thought.
Just as the ThunderClan cats hovered away from the WindClan cats, Russetstripe could catch a glimpse of dark brown tabby fur leaping from the end of the tree towards the island. Talonstar. The massive tom pushed his way through the ferns and walked into the island, ignoring the ThunderClan cats completely as he trekked across the clearing, his Clan behind him. The ShadowClan cats dispersed into the shadows as Talonstar leaped onto the Great Oak.
The ShadowClan cats melted towards the WindClan cats, friendly mews being exchanged. Russetstripe spotted Hawkflight walking over to her, and she gave the mottled dark tom a nod. Hawkflight sat down next to her, flicking his tail.
"How is WindClan?" he asked, the moonlight illuminating his mottled brown fur.
"Fine," Russetstripe replied. "Our first apprentice, Skypaw, is here, with her sister, Sedgepaw. She's a medicine cat apprentice. How is ShadowClan?"
"We're good as well," Hawkflight said. "However, our young warriors are at the age where sometimes you just want to kick them in the lake." The mottled tom rumbled in his chest. "Nightfire is my son, but he has energy that rivals even one of a kit."
"Does he?" Russetstripe's whiskers twitched. "I remember when I was a young warrior."
"You mean you aren't?" Hawkflight pretended to look surprised.
Russetstripe rolled her eyes. Ugh. "Seems like you're one, too, if you think that's how you pull the moves on she-cats."
"Hah." Hawkflight laughed. "I've been one-upped." He got to his paws. "It's been nice talking to you. May I ask if Waspberry is here?"
"I'm going to hit you." Russetstripe sighed.
"What about Blackdove?" Hawkflight asked.
"I'll still hit you."
"Dovewillow?"
"No, all the WindClan cats here are toms. So, you'll be having no luck today." Russetstripe shoved the ShadowClan warrior back into the crowd, her words earning a roar of laughter from him. She watched him go, rolling her eyes. By all the gods, is that all he cares about? I'm beginning to think it might've been better to side with RiverClan.
As soon as her thoughts drifted to WindClan, she could make out the fishy scent that nearly overpowered the rest of the Clans. Russetstripe gagged as she turned her head to see Dapplestar walking into the clearing, her chest puffed out, her green eyes blazing. The moment she locked eyes with Talonstar, the dark brown tabby tom curled his lip, a hiss escaping his mouth. Dapplestar shrugged her shoulders and leaped on the Great Oak. Once all leaders gathered, sparks flew between the Clans.
"Let's start," Dapplestar said. "I'll go first."
Scorchstar and Talonstar growled.
"RiverClan is doing well," Dapplestar growled. "Shellpaw is now a warrior by the name of Shellfall. We have defeated a rogue group that made their home in the marshes. And we thank ThunderClan for their alliance with us." She nodded toward Rootstar, who blinked twice.
"Right, the battle that cost me Daisyflight and Cloudsong," Talonstar growled.
"You wanted Cloudsong to kill me!" Dapplestar exclaimed, her green eyes blazing. "ShadowClan uses assassins!"
"Stop!" yowled Birdflight from the medicine cats. The small gray-and-white she-cat was staring at the sky, and Russetstripe followed her gaze, her own heart pounding in her chest at the heated exchange between both leaders. Wisps of cloud were started to block the moon. "If you continue to fight, the Gathering will end!"
Dapplestar snorted. "Pathetic."
"Dapplestar, little one," Rootstar mewed, "perhaps we leave the fighting for another day, no?"
Dapplestar glared at Rootstar, and the vitriol that she shot her old ally made Russetstripe recoil. Talonstar lashed his tail angrily. Dapplestar stepped back onto her branch, crouching down and twitching her ears. Russetstripe caught Shimmerwing glaring at Shrewfur with blazing blue eyes, but Shrewfur did not react.
Talonstar's fur was bristling. "I've lost a warrior, too. His name was Cloudsong, and we grieve him immensely. Daisyflight was also lost to us." The dark tabby lashed his tail back-and-forth. "But our young warriors are doing well. Nightfire and Cactusclaw have come up with a plan to drive a badger out of territory, and they succeeded in doing so." The dark tabby sat down and nodded to Rootstar.
"Ah, my turn." Rootstar's whiskers twitched. "We have a new apprentice by the name of Foxpaw. She has been training for a couple of moons, now, to Koiwatcher. Willowsong has also given birth to Winterfall's daughter, Icekit. Like a flower blossoming from a bud, my Clan is prospering."
Winterfall has a daughter? Russetstripe shifted her paws uneasily, not liking the sting that pierced her heart. Good for him, I guess.
When Rootstar fell silent, Scorchstar cleared his throat and spoke. "We have lost cats we loved the last few moons. One of our elders, Cloverwhisker, passed away the other day. She will be missed. Another one of our warriors, Patchshine, has retired to the elder's den. She has had a very long life of service, and I wish her all the rest she deserves. Other than that, WindClan is doing well. Our oldest kits are apprenticed. Sedgepaw is training under Violetheart, our medicine cat, and Skypaw is Harewhisker's apprentice. My kits, Redkit and Hawkkit, will be apprentices soon as well." Pride glittered in her brother's eyes as he spoke about his kits.
But no one cheered for Skypaw or Sedgepaw. Russetstripe spotted the crestfallen face of Skypaw's, but Sedgepaw's face was completely calm. Scorchstar's ears flattened, and Russetstripe was half-convinced he would order the other Clan leaders to cheer, but he wrestled his jaws shut. When no cat reacted, Dapplestar called out, "This meeting is at an end," and leaped down from the Great Oak, walking over to Shimmerwing.
That's it? Russetstripe thought to herself. It's over? The WindClan cats started to trek over to where Scorchstar had jumped down from the Great Oak and was waiting near the foot of the tree. Brambledusk was waiting next to him, nodding to Russetstripe as she approached him. When the rest of the WindClan cats gathered, Scorchstar led them across the tree, clearly eager to leave the island. Russetstripe's paws landed on the sand of the island shore as Scorchstar led the WindClan cats from the island and towards camp.
When the WindClan patrol approached the ridge of camp, Russetstripe could hear a high-pitched mewl from a cat. Hawkkit? Scorchstar recognized the cry just as quickly as Russetstripe did, and the siblings leaped down the hollow and raced into the clearing. Just as they burst in, they came face-to-face with Sunleaf's limp body, curled in the clearing. Hawkkit was bent over her grandmother's body.
"She won't wake up!" Hawkkit cried as Scorchstar walked over. "Why won't she wake up?"
"Oh, dear one," Patchshine whispered, licking Hawkkit roughly. "I told you. She is with StarClan now."
Russetstripe's blood froze as she stared at the body of her limp mother. No… Her mouth was dry and her throat started to tighten. She blinked the tears away as a giant claw pierced her heart and slashed it into two. Mom… She could see Patchshine's mouth moving, but she couldn't hear the words that came out. Russetstripe walked over to Sunleaf's body, nudging her mother, but Hawkkit was right – she wouldn't wake up.
"Mother…" Russetstripe murmured, licking her mother's head roughly. I haven't talked to her in the past few moons, she thought guiltily as tears stung at the back of her eyes. I've been so busy as a warrior that I didn't even make time for her. She doesn't know how much I love her! She died without knowing that I loved her! Russetstripe may have despised her father – but she loved her mother. The last memory that was vivid in Russetstripe's mind was of her silently chastising her mother for retiring to the elder's den because she could not live without Swiftstar. I insulted her, then. I thought that she was weak. But I see I was wrong. I can't blame her for her own feelings. I loved her, and she's never going to know that! I'm horrible. I'm a horrible daughter. Oh, Mother… please… please know that… "…I love you."
Russetstripe glanced at Scorchstar, who looked completely and utterly lost as he stared at their mother's dead body. Russetstripe brushed against her brother's pelt before looking up at Patchshine. She finally found the strength to talk, and she asked, "What happened?"
"I have no idea." Patchshine shook her head. "She took a nap, and when I tried to wake her up… nothing. She wasn't moving. Around the same time, Hawkkit came in, wanting to hear a story from her. And…"
"She came into the sight of her dead grandmother," Russetstripe finished Patchshine's words.
"Yes." Patchshine nodded.
Hawkkit's pitiful mewls pierced Russetstripe's ears, and she looked up to see Waspberry desperately trying to calm down the ginger-and-white she-kit. From behind them, Redkit watched the cats mourn Sunleaf, his green eyes wide with confusion. He doesn't understand, Russetstripe thought. But Hawkkit does.
"Hawkkit," Brambledusk murmured, walking over to the ginger-and-white tabby she-kit. "You must calm down."
"Calm down?" Hawkkit turned and pummeled Brambledusk's stomach fur with her paws. "She won't wake up! I want her to tell me a story! I want her to tell me about the Great Battle, but she won't wake up! Why?"
"Brambledusk." Russetstripe walked over to the tabby tom and gave him a small nod. Brambledusk's eyes were shadowed with sorrow and he walked away, over to Icekit and Frostkit who were watching the scene with horrified eyes. Russetstripe sat down and pulled Hawkkit towards her.
Hawkkit looked up at her. "Why won't she wake up?" the kit asked again.
"She is dead," Russetstripe replied. "That is why she won't wake up." I should've told her I loved her the last time I saw her. Tears misted Russetstripe's vision as she stared at her niece.
"D-dead…?" Hawkkit scrambled back, her small pink mouth dropping open. "But…"
"When somebody dies, it means their body no longer works," Russetstripe explained. "This means that they can't feel anything. Because their body stops working, they can't come back to life, no matter how much we want them to."
"No…!" Hawkkit gasped.
"Hawkkit." Russetstripe met her niece's gaze. "No matter what, your grandmother will always love you. Please don't think of her as gone. She never will be. She'll always be with you in your heart, Hawkkit."
"What's the point of that if she isn't here with me?" Hawkkit snarled, lashing her short tail. "I want Sunleaf! I don't want to hear something stupid about her being in my heart! I want to talk to her! You all clearly don't care as much as I do!" The ginger-and-white tabby she-kit turned on her heel and raced into the medicine den, her sobs muffling her voice and breaking Russetstripe's heart.
Scorchstar walked over to Russetstripe, his voice broken as he said, "She didn't take it well."
"Are we?" Russetstripe asked quietly.
Scorchstar pressed his muzzle into Russetstripe's shoulder, and Russetstripe could hear quiet sobs raking his body. Russetstripe shut her eyes, trying to think back to what would make her mother happy. Mom, you're reunited with Swiftstar now, she thought to herself. You couldn't live without him. Maybe that's why StarClan took you so soon, to reunite you with him.
Russetstripe clenched her teeth, not allowing tears to escape her – because if they did, she feared she would never stop sobbing. I've got to be strong. For Scorchstar. But Sunleaf's scent still trickled around her, sweet with tinges of orange blossoms, the same color as her fur. Russetstripe's heart was empty and she could no longer feel it beat. She wanted to get up, to walk around camp, to shake away this sorrow, to step out of this fever dream, but her brother was sobbing in her shoulder, and she wanted to provide all the comfort she could to him.
"Russetstripe," Scorchstar whispered, his voice broken – completely and utterly broken.
"Yeah?" Russetstripe asked quietly.
"Mother said something to me once." Scorchstar sniffled.
"What did she say, Scorch?" Russetstripe asked.
"Being part of a family means you are part of something very wonderful. It means you will love – and be loved – for the rest of your life," Scorchstar recited. "I…"
"She loves us, Scorchstar," Russetstripe whispered to her brother. "She always had, and she always will, even as she lives on in StarClan." I wish I could have done more. I didn't want her to die. She wasn't old. Russetstripe swallowed the lump in her throat and kept quiet. If she said something – even just one thing – the dam would burst. Everything inside of her would fall out. She would break, and there would be no fixing her. She's spent all her life trying to protect us from things that would hurt us. Now she is the cat who hurt us the most.
Just as Scorchstar forced himself away from Russetstripe and back towards their mother's body, Sedgepaw trekked over to Sunleaf's corpse. She tilted her head as she examined the ginger tabby.
"Sedgepaw?" Violetheart asked. "What are you doing?"
"Why is every cat so upset?" Sedgepaw inquired.
"Excuse me?" Scorchstar's tail lashed and his ears flattened. Anger blazed in his amber eyes as he loomed over Sedgepaw. "We're upset because Sunleaf was my mother and she was a WindClan cat! What in all the hells do you mean, 'why is every cat so upset'? Do you not respect your own Clanmates, Sedgepaw?"
Sedgepaw looked up calmly at Scorchstar, unfazed in the face of his rage. "It is only because of our misunderstandings that we think Sunleaf no longer exists after she 'passes away'."
"What?" Scorchstar raised his hackles, as if seconds away from clawing the apprentice.
"You are attached to this manifestation of her." Sedgepaw nodded to Sunleaf's body. "But you fail to understand that there are many. This manifestation – her body – is gone, and you suffer and feel sad. But she is still here. She is smiling at us. In our delusion, we fail to recognize this, and we say, 'she no longer is.'"
"Sedgepaw…?" Violetheart's blue eyes were wide.
Sedgepaw went on. "What are you asking Sunleaf, Scorchstar?"
"I'm asking her where she is." Scorchstar stared at his mother's body. "I'm asking her why she left me. Why she left me alone."
"You see, your pain is greater than it should be because of your misunderstanding," Sedgepaw meowed. "The cloud is not lost. Our beloved is not lost. The cloud is manifesting in a different form. Our beloved is manifesting in a different form. If we understand this, then we suffer much less."
Cloud… Russetstripe looked up to see a small cloud drifting over the full moon. The cloud had disappeared when the Clans had calmed down at the Gathering. It was back, now. Is Sedgepaw right? Is that Sunleaf, in a different form?
Scorchstar dug his muzzle into Sunleaf's body, not reacting to Sedgepaw's comment. Violetheart led her apprentice towards the medicine den, and moments later, they reappeared with herbs in their mouth. Violetheart padded over to Sunleaf's body and began to spread a mix of rosemary and lavender on her cold fur, while Sedgepaw licked her pelt. Russetstripe was numb as she sat down and watched the two medicine cats work.
The Clan was gathered around Sunleaf's body. Patchshine's eyes were shut, and Dovewillow was blinking back tears. Heathercloud hung her head in a heavy sigh, while Sandfall pressed her nose against Aspenstep's shoulder. Lilystream dug at the ground with her paws, and even Songbreeze, who often hid her feelings behind her paws, gazed at Sunleaf's body with grief misting her eyes. She was loved, Russetstripe thought.
When Violetheart finished, Larchcloud walked over to Sunleaf's body and licked her head. "We will meet again, old friend," she murmured. "Say hi to Grayflight for me."
"I hope you find peace with Swiftstar," Patchshine whispered as she approached Sunleaf's body. "He loved you so much, even if you never thought so."
Heathercloud blinked back tears. "She was my mentor."
"My mother," Scorchstar whispered.
Sedgepaw bent over Sunleaf's body. "You are free," she whispered to her. "The chains can no longer confine your true body. You return to your life as a white cloud, just like before, a white cloud, utterly free in the immense sky."
Russetstripe looked over at the nursery. Redkit, Frostkit, and Icekit were watching the vigil from where they sat in front of the nursery. Waspberry was with them, her thick tail preventing them from inspecting it any further. There was no sign of Hawkkit, Wildheart, or Mallowkit.
Brambledusk sat next to Russetstripe. "I'm sorry," he said to her.
"Thanks," Russetstripe murmured. The agony that stabbed at her heart suddenly rushed through her in a fresher, stronger wave. "Does it get better?"
"It does," Brambledusk said. "Eventually you learn to breathe again. Eventually it won't hurt to smile, it won't hurt to breathe, you'll remember how to eat and how to sleep. But there will always be pain with you. It won't ever go away. It gets better, but it won't disappear." The pale tabby tom twined his tail with Russetstripe's. "You will heal."
"Will I?" Russetstripe gasped out. "Are you sure about that, Brambledusk?"
"I'm sure." Brambledusk nodded. "I did, after all. A mother is a cat who will never leave us. All the wonderful things she did will be with us together. Remember the good times you had with her, Russetstripe. Don't dwell on the bad. Her love will always live inside you. You may feel alone in your suffering… but you're not alone. I swear to you that."
"Thank you, Brambledusk," Russetstripe murmured. "You would know… because you went through it."
"I did." Brambledusk nodded. "It's hard. The hurt will never go away, but there comes a day where you don't feel it every minute."
Russetstripe knew Brambledusk was right. The pale tabby tom had lost both his parents – he was recounting his own struggle with grief, and if he went through it and recovered, so could Russetstripe. Russetstripe fixated her pure green gaze on Sunleaf's body. Goodbye, Mother, she thought. I will remember you until we meet again. I won't forget you, I promise.