Every muscle in Brambledusk's body screamed bloody murder as he tried to stretch his limbs. Just when he tried to pull himself back up again, he heard Violetheart's growl, and felt himself being pushed down. Gah! The sensation of his burns hitting the rock beneath him made him groan.
"What did I tell you about getting up?" Violetheart snapped, anger blazing in her brilliant blue eyes. "Did you not think I saw you yesterday trying to give orders while half of you was burnt? Didn't I tell you what a critical condition you're in?"
By all the gods, she's scary when she's mad. Brambledusk blinked up at her and was about to respond when he broke into a cough. His throat was dry and raw as the cough shook his entire body. His head throbbed with agony until the cough finally stopped, and when he rolled on his back to get more comfortable, another bolt of pain shot through his body. Gods, this hurts so much…
"Just stay there." Violetheart gazed at him. "We're going back to camp. I'll help you – and so will Sedgepaw."
Brambledusk nodded, his throat too tight and raw for him to say anything else. The fire wouldn't stop playing in his mind. Everything had happened in seconds. He and Scorchstar had been rescuing Violetheart's herbs from her den and helping the elders out, but the moment they were out was when the fire engulfed camp and trapped the two warriors behind a wall of flames. Brambledusk had looked up to see the Tall Branch creaking and seconds away from falling. When it had fallen, it was heading straight for Scorchstar. In that moment, Brambledusk knew he couldn't let Scorchstar die, even though many years ago that was his only wish. He had pushed himself in front of Scorchstar, and the burning branch had fallen on him instead, inflicting so much pain that Brambledusk had fallen unconscious. I don't like thinking about that. But he didn't regret it.
He was still deep in thought about it when he felt a small body pushing him up, and he looked over his shoulder to see Sedgepaw. Brambledusk allowed himself to lean against the medicine cat as the two cats limped out of Starlingfern's den. Brambledusk looked around for the black-and-white medicine cat, but couldn't spot her. Just as Sedgepaw led him out of the den, Brambledusk could see Scorchstar addressing Dapplestar. Dapplestar's green eyes burned as she met Scorchstar's gaze.
"Do not forget, you are in my debt, now," Dapplestar told him.
Scorchstar clenched his jaw. "You're making it quite hard to." He gave Dapplestar a low bow of his head before turning his tail and flicking to his warriors. The WindClan cats followed him, with Rippleheart and Runningflame leading them away. Sedgepaw held tightly onto Brambledusk as the medicine cat assisted him in crossing the stream. The rapid movements were making Brambledusk delirious as everything rushed around him. There was the stream, and then suddenly the moorland, and there were so many cats, that Brambledusk had no idea what was happening.
Just as Brambledusk could make out the scent line, he could see a gray tabby tom and a ginger-and-white cat stop in their tracks, and he could barely make out their voices. It seemed like the tabby tom was talking.
"Go from here," the tom was saying. "Remember that if you ever step foot in RiverClan again, we will show no mercy to enemies."
Brambledusk could hear Scorchstar's snarl, but he couldn't make out the reply. The two warriors padded away, leaving the WindClan patrol alone. But, for some reason, one of them stopped and whispered something to another cat in the patrol. And then he was gone. Brambledusk tried to process the scene, but he hadn't been able to see the cat who he talked to, and he hadn't heard the words. Brambledusk put it to the side. It didn't matter.
He couldn't remember the walk to camp. Like the journey through the marshland, it was a whirl of brown and yellow, and the dots of different colors in front him were blurred. Suddenly their pace was slower, and he could feel Sedgepaw jump, but she held tight onto Brambledusk. The scent of the place they were brought to was thick of smoke and smog, and it stung at Brambledusk's eyes, bringing back memories. Sedgepaw brought him across a hollow and towards a rock and gently draped him onto a soft surface.
"We sent Blackdove here earlier to build a nest for you," Sedgepaw told him. "So it is nice and comfortable for you. Please, relax."
The world gradually began to come to a standstill, and Brambledusk could make out Sedgepaw's tabby pelt and Violetheart's pale gray fur. He let out a deep breath, and the sweet scent of the medicine den cleared his thoughts. He looked up at the roof of the den, contemplating everything that had happened. If he remembered – and heard right – they had been in the RiverClan camp. But he couldn't remember it. The last thing he remembered was a wall of flames and the heavy, excruciating feeling of a burning branch crushing him.
Everything was quiet until Brambledusk could hear the ground vibrate beneath him. Brambledusk gradually pulled himself to his paws, his body trembling with the effort, and he could make out Scorchstar's big ginger-and-white figure as he and Russetstripe entered the den. Their eyes were round with concern when they landed on Brambledusk.
"Is Brambledusk going to be okay?" Scorchstar asked Violetheart.
"I'll be honest with you, Scorchstar, he won't be able to perform his deputy duties for a long time until his burns heal and he can breathe easier," Violetheart meowed, shifting her gray paws. "I've explained it to him."
"Don't worry, Brambledusk," Scorchstar told him, walking over to him and sitting down. "You'll be on your paws in no time, and you'll still be my deputy."
Brambledusk shook his head. "No."
Scorchstar started. "What…?"
He had been thinking about this for a long time – since the moment he had become deputy. Brambledusk narrowed his eyes so the world around him could stay still in his vision, and so Scorchstar was the only thing he was looking at. "Scorchstar…" Brambledusk let out a long cough and then finally regained his voice. "I can't be your deputy anymore."
"What?" Scorchstar's voice was shrill. "Why not?"
"Scorchstar, you appointed me deputy because you didn't trust me," Brambledusk reminded him. "That's not what a leader does."
"But I do trust you, now," Scorchstar said. "Completely. There's no cat I trust more than you, Brambledusk."
"What about when I tried to kill you with your brother?" Brambledusk retorted.
Scorchstar flinched. "I've forgiven you for that."
"No, you haven't." Brambledusk shook his head. "It's the first thing you think of when you look at me."
The WindClan leader looked down. "You may be right about that," he said after a few moments, "but I wasn't lying when I said that I did forgive you. It's in the past, now. You've been a good deputy to me, and I hold no ill will against you anymore. I've forgiven you."
"You may have," Brambledusk said quietly, "but I haven't."
"You haven't what?" Russetstripe asked, speaking for the first time after she had been watching the exchange back and forth.
"I haven't forgiven myself for what I've done to you, Scorchstar," Brambledusk said. "I also haven't forgiven your father for killing my parents, and I can't forget that my best friend, my brother, died in your name." Brambledusk let out a sigh. "Scorchstar, you are a good Clan leader, there is no doubt about that. But I cannot serve you if I have not forgiven myself for what I have done… and for what I cannot forget."
"Brambledusk, please," Scorchstar said, his voice cracking. "Please think about this."
"It's all I've been thinking about," Brambledusk told him, feeling firm resolve steel his need to finally confess what he had been feeling, what he had been thinking about. He did not regret this decision, not at all. "When I'm healed, I will serve you loyally as your warrior. But I cannot be your deputy any longer. I ask you to respect my decision."
Silence draped the air. Scorchstar was as still as stone, and Russetstripe's ginger tail was twitching back and forth. Violetheart's ears twitched nervously, while Sedgepaw watched the cats with a calm face, as if she had expected this to happen from the very beginning. And, if the WindClan cats had been right about Sedgepaw's otherworldliness, maybe she had.
"All right." Scorchstar sighed. "I won't force you to do anything you don't want to do, Brambledusk. But if you haven't forgiven yourself, know that I have forgiven you, and that I will always be thankful for your service to me as my deputy… and your bravery when you saved my life. You will always be the warrior in WindClan I will count the most on, and I hope I can expect the same loyalty from you when you're a warrior that I received when you were my deputy."
"You will." Brambledusk nodded and laid his head back down. "I'm tired. Appoint your new deputy, Scorchstar. I was never supposed to be it, and you know that."
Scorchstar's voice was thick as he said, "No. You were always supposed to be my deputy. Maybe you were destined to step down, but there is no doubt in my mind that I did the right thing when I picked you. I remember our discussion earlier… you told me that you would step down if I disappointed you. Brambledusk, is this why?"
Brambledusk shook his head. "No, Scorchstar. You've surpassed my expectations of you, and I can't begin to tell you how happy I was to serve as your deputy. But I told you that I can never forgive myself for what I've done, and you need a cat at your side who has a clear mind, who has faith in themselves and the cats around them, and who can serve WindClan without looking back. You need a cat who has the self-confidence and the morale I never had."
The WindClan leader leaned in to touch Brambledusk's nose. "Okay," he murmured, seeming to finally accept Brambledusk's decision. "Thank you for telling me this. And… thank you… for everything. I'm so happy to have had you as my deputy."
"And I am glad to have served as it," Brambledusk told him. He gazed at the roof, seeing it start to swirl in his eyes. He had used too much of the energy he had. All he wanted to do was rest. He shut his eyes and swallowed a raw lump in his throat, wincing at the pain and letting out a small grunt. At that, Sedgepaw nudged a bundle of herbs in front of him, and Brambledusk took them weakly. He could hear Scorchstar shift from side to side, and then his scent became faint as he left.
"Scorchstar was right, Brambledusk," Sedgepaw meowed after a few moments.
Brambledusk tilted his head in curiosity.
"You were always destined to be his deputy." Sedgepaw lifted her head. "And the leader, after him. You have defied destiny by stepping down."
"Did I do the wrong thing?" Brambledusk asked.
"No." Sedgepaw shook her head. "We all have a destiny laid out for us, but it us up to us to decide what to do with it."
Brambledusk cleared his throat. "I can't sleep."
"Close your eyes and listen to me." Brambledusk obeyed Sedgepaw's orders, closing his eyes and waiting for what Sedgepaw had to say. There was silence, and Brambledusk wondered if the tabby she-cat had lied to him, and was going to do nothing. He could hear the she-cat moving around him and could scent her. What is she doing?
"When my life is over, and my time has run out," Sedgepaw whispered, and then her words turned into a song, soft and musical as the melody calmed down Brambledusk. "My friends and loved ones, I shall leave, there is no doubt. But one thing is for certain. I will leave this old world with a happy mind."
Beautiful, Brambledusk thought as Sedgepaw continued her song. The small medicine cat apprentice's soft caroling finally lulled Brambledusk to sleep, allowing him to shut his eyes and embrace the comforting darkness.
A shaft of sunlight coming from a small crack in the roof of the medicine den landed on Brambledusk's eyes, and the pale tabby tom forced his eyes open. He was greeted by the sight of the grassy floor of the medicine den, and Violetheart's gray body over him. The medicine cat had prepared a liquid for Brambledusk to drink, and when he gazed at the color of it, he knew it wasn't going to very pleasant.
"Do you want your throat to heal or not?" Violetheart asked, sniffing in disapproval.
"I do," Brambledusk croaked out. The exchange with Scorchstar from yesterday flashed in his mind when he moved his back and the pain from his burns started to become just as bad as the fire itself. "Violetheart, did Scorchstar tell the Clan about me?"
"He did." Violetheart nodded. "They were devastated. You were a good deputy, Brambledusk. It's time you let go of what happened. It was years ago."
"I can't," Brambledusk replied simply. "I was the cat who mauled my Clanmate for my best friend to stop his evil father. I cannot stop thinking about that, every day. And, while I think about that, I cannot serve Scorchstar any longer. Did he appoint a new deputy?"
"Yes." Violetheart nodded.
"Who is it?" Brambledusk asked.
"Harewhisker," Violetheart replied.
Harewhisker. Brambledusk thought about the lithe brown tom. He was young – very young. He assumed Scorchstar wanted a deputy he could train. He nodded his thanks to Violetheart. The medicine cat got to her paws, but just as she moved towards the cleft where she kept her herbs, she suddenly let out a yelp.
"What is it, Violetheart?" Brambledusk asked.
Violetheart winced, her face curled up in agony. But, even though she visibly suffered, she shook her head. "It's… it's nothing…"
"It doesn't seem like nothing," Brambledusk said, worry for the medicine cat making him want to get up and look over her, but he knew that if he moved, he would aggravate his own injuries and give Violetheart more work.
"It doesn't matter." Violetheart shook her head. "It's happened before. I know what it is." Just as Brambledusk was about to prod, the medicine cat changed the topic immediately. "Oh, tonight is the half-moon, isn't it?"
Brambledusk shrugged. "All I've seen is a medicine den for the last four days."
"Even with a sore throat, you haven't lost your wit," Violetheart remarked. She glanced over to the entrance of the medicine den as Sedgepaw forced her lithe brown body inside. Violetheart walked over to the she-cat and nodded to her. "Sedgepaw."
"Yes, Violetheart?" Sedgepaw looked up at her gray-furred mentor.
"How would you feel about getting your medicine cat name tonight?" Violetheart asked.
Brambledusk gasped at the same moment Sedgepaw did. Sedgepaw was so young! She hadn't even been training for six moons, and she was going to get her medicine cat name? Brambledusk didn't doubt that Sedgepaw was skilled, but medicine cat apprentices usually trained for longer than warrior apprentices. How could Sedgepaw get her name faster than her sister, Skypaw?
"Violetheart, I have not been training as long as a normal medicine cat apprentice should," Sedgepaw told her, a frown on her face. "There is some reason you are suggesting this."
Violetheart touched her apprentice's nose. "Oh, Sedgepaw, dear one. You're much sharper than any cat your age ever would be. You know, don't you? Over the last few days?"
"It… it is true?" Sedgepaw stepped back, horror flickering in her eyes. Brambledusk had never seen the medicine cat apprentice so much as fazed before. Seeing such a raw emotion in her usual sangfroid eyes sent a rush of fear through Brambledusk. Something was very wrong indeed – something only these two medicine cats knew.
"It is." Violetheart nodded. "It is not surprising to me. It happened to my mother, and her mother before her. It… it is why I became a medicine cat. So I would be the last one in line who had it."
Sedgepaw gasped.
What in all of the hells are they talking about? Brambledusk was beginning to panic. "Sedgepaw, Violetheart, what's happening?" Fear strained Brambledusk's voice, and the soreness returned to his throat.
"You will know." Violetheart turned to face Brambledusk. "Soon. First, there are a few things I need to do. Then I will gladly spread the news." She walked over to Brambledusk and touched noses with him. "I have seen you grow, Brambledusk, from when you were just a little kit, and now, to when you found the bravery to confront your own demons. I am proud of you… and I'm sure your parents would be, too. You've raised your brothers in their stead, and now you are raising even more of your own kin."
Why is she talking like this is the last time we'll meet? Brambledusk stared at the medicine cat, utterly bewildered. How was he supposed to respond to that? He opened his mouth, about to say something, when he could hear the skittering of small pawsteps, and suddenly, two cats appeared in front of them. He could recognize Frostpaw and Icepaw in seconds.
"Brambledusk!" Frostpaw exclaimed, pushing Violetheart and Sedgepaw out of the way. "Brambledusk, Scorchstar told us what happened to you! Are you going to die?" The silver tabby turned to Violetheart. "Is he going to die?"
"Does he look dead to you?" Violetheart quipped.
Icepaw nuzzled Brambledusk. "They said a burning branch fell on you after you pushed Scorchstar out of the way," she whispered.
"And that you're not deputy anymore!" Frostpaw exclaimed.
"That doesn't matter, Frostpaw," Icepaw said, a warning in her voice. "So long as he is healthy."
"I'll be fine, you two," Brambledusk croaked out. "I just need some time to recover."
Frostpaw and Icepaw exchanged helpless gazes. There was nothing they could do to help Brambledusk. They would just have to wait for him, until he was better. Brambledusk felt a pang of sorrow for these two she-cats. He loved them as if they were his own daughters, and seeing him in pain clearly affected them nearly as much as it affected him.
"I'll be okay," Brambledusk rasped. "Seriously."
"Promise?" Icepaw croaked out.
"Promise." Brambledusk tried to find the strength in him to purr, but talking was already exhausting him. He touched his nose to Icepaw's. Frostpaw licked Brambledusk's head, and the two apprentices were gradually pushed out by Violetheart. But, just as they were gone, they were replaced immediately by Lightningtalon, Cinderfall, and Buzzardwing.
"Brambledusk." Cinderfall's voice was trembling. "We heard what happened."
"What you did was so brave!" Buzzardwing gasped.
"And stupid." Lightningtalon's tail lashed back and forth. "Scorchstar has nine lives, and you have one! What would have happened if we lost you, Brambledusk? What would we do without you?"
Brambledusk looked up at his brothers. "I guess I'd still be bugging you from StarClan," he joked. "Agh…" He had tested his limits. He couldn't talk anymore. His throat felt as if it was on fire, and he shut his jaws. Violetheart pushed towards him the liquid she had created for him that resided in a shell. Brambledusk turned his head and lapped at it. He should have enjoyed the cooling sensation of the drink, but all it did was aggravate his throat even more.
Was what I did stupid? he thought. Lightningtalon has a point. Scorchstar has nine lives, and I have one. He shook his head. When I was a warrior, I made a vow to protect my Clan, at the cost of my life. Scorchstar is one of those cats. Now that I'm no longer deputy, I have to focus on forgiving myself so I can move towards the future, and so I can stop being lost in the past. That was what I had to do before I became deputy, but I can't be deputy if I'm unable to move on. That needs to be my priority.