Chapter 38 - Moving Too Fast

Peter didn't understand. Well, wasn't that just the phrase of the hour? Their sixth year exams were fast approaching but his friends (even Remus to a greater degree now) didn't seem remotely as worried about that as they did preparing themselves to join whatever dangerous group Dumbledore had set up to fight Voldemort.

It worried Peter. Since Christmas it had not been just James and Sirius who were talking of wanting to take action after leaving Hogwarts, but Remus too. Something Sirius said to him seemed to have awakened something within him and while not as fierce as their friends in his outlook, he was equally as determined.

It had been he who had come up with the idea to start learning extra defensive spells. "When we fight the death eaters we'll need them." When they fought the death eaters. It was all any of them seemed to want to do!

Peter, for his part, was drowning in schoolwork. His last essay back in transfiguration had earned him a D and Professor McGonagall was making him write it again. This time twice as long, which he considered ridiculously unfair. He was already behind in all his other classes, and now he had extra work to do from last week's homework!

"Another 'gas explosion'." Came Sirius' voice from behind the daily prophet. "This time in Lechlade. Eighty muggles killed."

"That's near where my parents live." James said, frowning. "You don't think they'd ever start targeting wizards, do you?"

"They already are." Remus said. "Didn't you see that piece last week? A muggleborn who was writing articles opposing Voldemort in her local paper was killed along with her husband and son."

"It's horrific."

"It's barbaric."

"It's gone on long enough."

Peter didn't speak. He was concentrating hard on what it was about invertebrates that made them so much easier to vanish than mammals.

While Peter may not be interested in his friends' conversations about the rising darkness, to his surprise, it seemed that Lily Evans was.

Though she rarely liked to be near enough to James to be able to hear his voice, she was spending more and more time with them in the common room these days.

James had, to everyone's surprise, grown up in the last few months. He'd always been a brilliant leader on the quidditch pitch but now it seemed he was one in the castle too. He had organised an official student counter-movement to the dark arts which he called, originally, 'The Mouldy Voldy Group'.

Peeves delighted in this in particular. Peeves liked having nicknames for people. Of course Remus was Loony Loopy Lupin (apparently because the poltergeist had once caught him talking to his own reflection). Sirius was 'Black Attack', presumably for the number of times he hexed students in the corridors, and James was 'Potter the Rotter', presumably just because it rhymed. Peter wasn't going to say what his was.

"Mouldy Voldy! Mouldy Voldy!" Peeves would cackle and wail, zooming round the castle like a balloon someone had let the air out of.

It was good that Peeves at least didn't let the fear and gravity of Voldemort's steady rise to power affect his ability to poke fun at any situation. No one apart from James, Sirius and Remus it seemed were actually using Voldemort's name. They all referred to him as 'you know who', which was ironic as no one actually did know who he was.

Lily had come along to one of James' meetings, at first held in the little room behind the mirror on the fourth floor but now, after seeking permission from Professor McGonagall as the group size expanded, in the transfiguration classroom.

Peter glanced over at her as she watched James speak. She had her head tilted slightly and there was a small smile playing about her lips. Her and James' eyes met once or twice but James, for once, didn't say anything stupid or immature. He kept the focus on their meeting agenda and thanked her politely for coming at the end.

"I wanted to make a suggestion for your next Mouldy Voldy meeting." She said now, sitting with her legs crossed by the fire with them. "Apart from changing the name of course." She added, rolling her eyes.

"The name's brilliant." Sirius told her. "We're not actually using Voldemort's name, but we're still showing him we're not scared of him."

"This is my point. Who is he? No one actually knows. All this cloak and dagger nonsense is spreading fear worse than if he came out in the open. If we actually found him and interviewed him wouldn't everyone see what a total lunatic he is and lose interest?"

"You want to interview Voldemort?" James asked her with a laugh. "Not take him out with a good stunner to the chest?"

"Well that would be my second option." Lily smiled. "But to do that we first need to find him, don't we?"

"Oh Voldy, so mouldy all over the worldy?" Sang Sirius.

"He could be." Lily said seriously. "How do we know he's even British?"

"Don't you think the aurors have an idea?"

"If they do they're not telling the public." Lily said. "It's so frustrating. How can we help when we only know half the facts?"

"She's brilliant." James said for the thousandth time that night in the dormitory. "She's got everything, Evans has. She's funny, clever, attractive and she wants to bring down Voldemort too."

Peter waited for the inevitable next comment on how the only thing she was missing was a great bloke like James for a boyfriend but it didn't come.

"She'd be lucky to have you mate." Sirius said seriously.

"I'd be the lucky one." James insisted, gazing up as his bed canopy dreamily. "If I could have Lily Evans, I'd be the happiest man alive. But, y'know, it's not what she wants, so I'll respect that." Wow. James really had grown up.

Like James, Sirius had grown up in the last few months too. Now he was seventeen he had bought himself a flat in Bristol ("I can't be near my parents and I wanted a big city"). This had the advantage of being not too far from James as well.

The four of them went with him to collect the keys and sat on the floor eating pizza and painting rude symbols and words on the walls ("knock yourselves out, I'll have to paint it anyway").

He'd already befriended his muggle neighbours (of course he had). "Mrs Timms beneath me has a tortoiseshell cat called Mabel - she needs the garden to let the blasted thing out or it meows constantly and Clare and Aswathi live upstairs. They have a house party about once a week. You should come to the next one."

"When are you getting your motorbike?" James asked him. He'd been talking about the bloody motorbike he was going to buy since he was about twelve.

"As soon as I've figured out how to confund the test instructor enough to let me have a licence." He said. "I thought I'd got it right last time but the bloke ended up asking me on a date instead so I've no idea what I did there." He scratched his head a little confusedly.

Remus smiled. "Maybe he just fancied you. Since Freddie Mercury came out as gay a lot more people are open about it."

"Good news, Pettigrew!" James teased and Peter rolled his eyes. What an original joke. "Who's Freddie Mercury?" He said, turning back to Remus.

It was Sirius' turn to roll his eyes. "Don't you know anything about muggle culture, Potter? He's the lead singer for Queen. Obviously."

"Why would the queen need her own singer?"

"Oh Prongs." Sirius said, helping himself to another slice of pizza and grinning. "You just don't understand things the way Moony and I do."

While the four of them were staying at James' parents' house, James received a very surprising letter. Well, it was surprising to Sirius at least.

"You're joking." He said, staring at the badge in disbelief. "It's a joke. It's the least funny joke ever, but a joke nonetheless it must be."

"Oh shut up, Padfoot." James said. He'd gone a little pink but he was grinning. "There's a letter from Dumbledore too." He fished the letter from the envelope and handed it to Sirius. "If you don't believe me, maybe you'll believe him."

Sirius took the letter with an expression of deep suspicion. "Dear James," he read aloud. "I want to congratulate you on our decision to make you head boy for your final year of Hogwarts. This is an honour that blah blah blah… I have been particularly impressed with your dedication to the causes you believe in and your excellent job as Gryffindor quidditch captain. I have no doubt you will do yourself and your school proud. Oh bloody hell. You're going to be insufferable." He said, handing the letter back to James as though it might contaminate him.

"Thanks." James said, but he was still grinning.

It turned out that Sirius was quite wrong. James wasn't insufferable about it. He actually accepted the news with a modesty and humility Peter had never seen in his friend before.

"Oh James dear, we couldn't be prouder of you!" His mother had said, tears in her eyes as she hugged him.

"It's a fantastic achievement." His dad said, shaking his hand. "Drinks, everyone?"

They celebrated James' success until the early hours. James' parents, who were both looking quite old now, had retired early to bed but the boys stayed up, sitting outside on the lawn as they teased James and worked their way through a bottle of James' dad's firewhisky.

"Do you remember when Wormtail fell off his broom out here?" Sirius asked, grinning at them all.

It had been almost this exact spot, Peter remembered. Fortunately James had acted sensibly and ran for his parents and his mum had fixed his ankle quite quickly.

"Yeah." James said grinning. "I do." He smiled at Sirius who smiled back. "How things have changed, eh?"

Peter had never had the close relationship with any of the others that Sirius and James seemed to have with one another. They appeared to know one another so well it was often like they were more brothers than friends.

Peter liked Remus very much. His friend had been kind to him since their very first day and kept insisting to Peter that he was part of the group as much as anyone else. But no matter how many times he said it, Peter never truly felt it.

He often wondered if it bothered Remus, how close James and Sirius were with one another. Was he perhaps jealous too?

"I can't believe we're going into our seventh year." Remus said, his thought process clearly somewhere else entirely. "I never thought I'd make it this far. It's wonderful."

"I agree, Moony." Sirius said, gazing up at the stars. "I was pretty sure we'd all be expelled by now too."

Remus laughed. "I meant I was sure someone would tell everyone what I was. I'm very grateful to Severus that he's kept his word."

James snorted. "Moony, you are quite possibly the most forgiving bloke I've ever met. That vicious bludger tried to get you kicked out and now you're grateful to him?"

"Yes." Remus said. "I don't like to judge a whole person on one mistake."

"One mistake. A whole person."

"Yeah, it wasn't a mistake. He knew what he was doing."

Remus looked at Sirius. "Did you?"

"Oh don't do this now, Moony."

"To be fair, it's been a year coming." James said. "He did let you off ridiculously lightly at the time."

"I don't know why everyone keeps saying that." Sirius said, rubbing his nose. "It wasn't much fun for me either."

"What did Dumbledore say to you?" James asked curiously. "You never told us."

"Do we really have to do this now?"

"I think so." James said. He was frowning at Sirius. "If we're going to fight the death eaters after we graduate we need to be able to trust each other. Moony has a right to know why you did what you did so he knows you won't be such a great plonker and betray his trust again."

Sirius sighed. "Well OK. I'll tell you. But I'll need another drink."

He talked for over an hour. Remus and James were both watching him carefully, taking in what he said, seeming to believe his words. But Peter didn't believe him. Oh what he'd have given to have had Sirius' life. He had a father and he had a brother. He'd grown up as a wizard. He was intelligent, good looking, confident and rich. Peter didn't buy his sob story for one second.

"It's such a shame." James said, looking at his friend sadly. "No one ever feels sorry for people with money but I think they just don't see it doesn't necessarily buy happiness."

Sirius laughed hollowly. "Believe me, I'd have given it all away to have kipped under the stairs at Remus' place. Sadly I never had the choice."

"My mum was worried about you." Remus said. "She could see something wasn't right." Peter assumed he was referring to the time Sirius had snuck away to Remus' house before being dragged home by his furious mother. Well that was reasonable enough of her, wasn't it?

Sirius smiled sadly. "Yeah, that was a pretty bad one."

James put a hand on his shoulder and Remus did too.

"I believe you." Remus said. "I don't believe you meant to try and kill anyone. It wasn't your fault."

"I'm not like them." Sirius told him fiercely. "No one who grew up with people like that could be like them. Well, except my idiot brother perhaps."

Sirius' brother, Peter knew, was part of the group his friends had coined the death eater juniors (DEJ). He seemed to be all for the purification of wizardkind and to have people like his family, Sirius' family, purebloods, in charge.

"Don't worry about Regulus. I'll deal with him on the quidditch pitch." James said.

"I hope so mate." Sirius said seriously. "A three year winning streak as Gryffindor captain would be a pretty tidy way to end your school career, eh?"

They made their way inside, careful not to wake James' parents. As Peter sat up in his bedroom (it was a garden facing room with an en suite and about a dozen cushions on the bed he certainly wasn't going to use), he thought back over their conversation. Sirius had said he wasn't himself when he sent Snape into the tunnel. He said his upbringing (which he finally gave them the details of, though of course they'd guessed a lot already), had somehow diminished him as a person. Peter snorted. Oh please. Sirius Black was about as diminished as sodding Slughorn.

Had he really expected them to feel sorry for him? Had he expected them to think he wasn't responsible for his behaviour? That it was all his parents' fault? How people like that annoyed him. You had to make your own way in the world. Nothing you did had anything to do with anyone else. He certainly hadn't been influenced by his family. He was better than all of them. He hadn't let his mother's incompetence and insecurities affect his ability to be a success.

But the last six years at Hogwarts with his friends had. Peter sometimes wondered how he would have done if he'd been in another house, or even better, in another year group. In Gryffindor he was constantly overshadowed by his popular, clever friends. He'd spent his whole childhood being overlooked and at Hogwarts he was finally ready to be recognised as brilliant. But no, it had been James and Sirius who'd been brilliant. He was just their fat little lump of a friend, always being given extra homework and never getting it right.

He didn't know what he wanted to do after Hogwarts. He supposed he'd just go along with his friends. He had to admit they weren't terrible company and if they were right, Dumbledore would take him without having the right qualifications to be an auror. They were convinced of this. They were sure he wouldn't discriminate and that he'd take both Remus and Peter, provided they wanted to fight.

But did he want to fight? What was it he really wanted to do? He sometimes wondered if he'd have preferred a simple life. A little cottage like the one he'd grown up in. Maybe a wife, a couple of kids, a job in an office. He'd be safe. He'd be normal. But he wasn't normal. He was a wizard. Perhaps fighting in the war would be the very best way to finally prove himself as someone important.

To the others' delight, they got exactly what they'd been after for a year now just a few weeks into the new school term.

It had not come at a good time for Peter. He was already drowning under the NEWT schoolwork and barely had time to attend James' 'Mouldy Voldy' groups, let alone the secret meetings Dumbledore had now invited them to.

"I think we still ought to do both." James told them all in the common room one night. "It's only us and Evans that Dumbledore's invited to the Order of the Phoenix meetings, it's only fair to give the younger kids a chance to be part of something too."

The Order of the Phoenix turned out to be the name of Dumbledore's secret organisation that the others had been obsessed with joining. The four of them and, it seemed, Lily Evans had all received notes over their breakfast from Dumbledore to meet in his office that evening.

"Oh bloody hell." Sirius had groaned on seeing who it was from. "Do you reckon he heard about Snivellus and the shrinking solution?"

Peter wouldn't go into details about what they'd tried to do with the shrinking solution.

"I don't think so." James said, frowning at the note, which was written in gold. "I think this might be it! He's finally decided we're mature enough!"

He certainly had. He'd told them a little about his group (though not too much in case they decided not to join) and how they were working against Voldemort in secret.

"It sounds brilliant, sir!" Sirius had said enthusiastically and James had grinned too.

"So Sirius is in." Dumbledore said, winking at him. "What about the rest of you?"

"In a heartbeat." James agreed.

"Yes, definitely." Lily said.

"Thank you, headmaster." Remus said.

Dumbledore smiled at Peter. The others turned to him expectantly too. "Mr Pettigrew. What say you?"

Well, it wasn't really like he had a choice. "OK." Peter said.

The others had a sort of celebration party in the common room afterwards with Lily and James going down to the kitchens together to pinch some food and drink. "It's alright, we're head boy and girl, between us we've got total immunity!" He said.

"I don't think that's how it works, Potter." Lily told him. "But I suppose I'm willing to break the rules this one time. I think what we've all signed up for is slightly more important."

"And that is why I love you."

The words seemed to have slipped out from James unintentionally. He went beet red, ran a hand quickly through his hair and laughed a little shakily. "Er, I mean…"

But Lily smiled at him. "Thanks Potter." She said. "You're not too bad yourself."

James grinned at her. And then Lily did something that made Peter, Remus and Sirius all grin too. She moved forwards and took James' hand.

James appeared too stunned to speak. He blinked at Lily with his customary deer in headlights expression. Lily smiled. "Come on, James. What are you waiting for?"

And so, together, they left the common room.

...

A/N: We got there in the end :) Thank you for everyone who has been reading and reviewing this story so far. Your support is invaluable.