A/N: I know I said there would be the 'occasional' four letter word in my previous A/N, but just a warning that there is a lot of profanity in this chapter!

...

Chapter 41 - The Power of Friendship

** Warning for child abuse **

Sirius had been asleep when James called him on the two way mirror. It had taken him a minute to realise what had woken him up. It was still dark (or as dark as it ever got in the city). But then he noticed the mirror vibrating on his bedside table.

He frowned as he picked it up. "Prongs?" He said, sitting up in bed and rubbing his eyes.

He was instantly alert as he saw James' face in the mirror. He was white a sheet and he looked terrible. "What is it? What's happened?" He said quickly.

"I can't say." James said, shaking his head. "Not like this. Can you come round?"

In a heartbeat. "In half an hour." He said. The journey to James' parents' house was technically longer than that, but the muggles didn't have a flying motorbike (or his disregard for the rules).

Promising James it would be alright (whatever it was), he quickly pulled on some clothes, grabbed his keys and headed for the front door.

"Oh bloody hell, what now?" He asked Mrs Timms' cat, Mabel, as the tortoiseshell greeted him on the apartment block stairs. He'd fed the blasted thing already that night (the old woman had asked if he'd mind feeding her beloved pet while she was away on holiday.) "Oh go on then." He said impatiently, opening his neighbour's door with a tap of his wand and levitating some food into the bowl for the cat, which she fell upon instantly as though she'd been starved for days.

"You're welcome." He said as she meowed back at him as if in thanks.

It was strange (if a little annoying) how in the last few years (since Padfoot had been born, incidentally) cats had become more and more attracted to him.

"Oh you're a natural!" Mrs Timms had said on seeing him with her pet in his arms as he'd carried his groceries into the building one day.

In truth, the cat had jumped up. He hadn't wanted it there! But he didn't dare tell his cat loving neighbour that he'd actually never been a cat person (he did his best to avoid the Potters' pet when it approached him at their house too).

"She can probably smell dog on me." Sirius had said automatically. "Er, my parents'." He hastily amended. "They're dog mad. We've got a black dog at home called Snuffles. They just adore him."

"Oh how lovely!" Mrs Timms had cried, taking Mabel from his arms (Mabel yowled and clawed her face). "Won't you come in for a cup of tea? I'd love to hear more about Snuffles! What a lucky dog he sounds."

He hadn't minded. Of course he'd had to wildly invent a lot (he was working for the police, no his parents didn't mind him living alone so young, and no, he wouldn't mind taking care of Mabel when she went to Cornwall next week with her secret lover.) Bloody hell. You give people an inch…

He revved up his motorbike and set off east. It was very quiet at this time of night and the only people he saw out were the late night party goers or the odd business person en route to catch an early train or flight. He increased his speed as he joined the motorway and, despite his concerns for his friend, grinned at the familiar rush of wind on his face as he zoomed down the clear road. This really was the only way to travel.

Oh bloody hell. Where had they come from?

He glanced in his side mirror to see, as he'd feared and expected, flashing blue lights. What did the muggle police want with him now?! He'd been pulled over once already for 'going too fast' (which was ridiculous as he wasn't that far over the 100mph speed limit - it was 100, right?) but fortunately the female officer had let him off with a warning (and then given him her number).

No time to stop and chat… he thought, pressing his finger on the invisibility button he and James had attempted to install that Easter. Emphasis on 'attempted'. The sodding thing wasn't working.

Extracting his wand with some difficulty from his pocket, he cast a disillusionment charm on the bike and then on himself.

He laughed as he veered into another lane, imagining the looks of disbelief on the muggles' faces as he disappeared from view. 'A vanishing motorbike on the M4' was surely not going to be a topic of conversation for anyone back in the office. Muggles were so scared to be seen as going mad it made them (to Sirius' mind) twice as mad for it. If it wasn't so funny it might have been maddening.

He arrived at Potter Manor, dumped the bike in the front drive and ran to the front door. It burst open as if by magic (literally) and he hurried into the family's front room where James and Lily sat with James' parents.

"What's happened?" He asked anxiously. The atmosphere was like that of a funeral.

"Voldemort killed Lily's parents."

Ah, that would be why then.

"Fuck." He said, as he could think of nothing else to say. "Are you OK?"

"We're fine. Just a bit shaken up." James said, squeezing Lily's shoulders.

"Drink, Sirius?" Euphemia, who was in a pink dressing gown, asked him. "I'd offer you a butterbeer but as it's almost morning, perhaps coffee?"

"Thanks." He smiled back at her.

He took a seat next to James and Lily. He supposed he ought to say something consoling to Lily right now. He knew that most people would probably be upset if their parents died. "I'm sorry, Evans." He said. That sounded about right, didn't it?

Silent tears leaked from Lily's eyes, making Sirius panic a little (he hadn't meant to make her cry!)

"I was fucking useless." James said to him and now he looked on the verge of tears.

Oh blimey. What was he supposed to do now? He glanced around quickly for Euphemia but of course she'd already left for the kitchen.

"It's OK mate." He said awkwardly patting James on the back. "You did your best. It's not like there's a fucking blueprint for what to do when sodding Voldemort turns up on your front doorstep, is there?"

"Quite right." Fleamont agreed, ignoring his language. "You're alive, James. You both are. That's enough." It absolutely was. Sirius couldn't imagine what he'd do if anything happened to James.

"Lily was great." James said. "It's thanks to her we still are."

"He didn't really want to kill us." Lily said thickly. "He wanted us on his side."

"And he thought killing your folks would persuade you?" Sirius said incredulously. Voldemort must have Lily confused with himself. But he knew it wasn't the right time to make jokes. "That's awful." He said instead.

"It wasn't Voldemort who did it." James said. "I don't know why they did it."

"They didn't need to die." Lily wept. "Why couldn't they have just died naturally!" She fell into renewed sobs but fortunately Euphemia arrived with the drinks at that point and she of course knew exactly what to do next.

…

Dumbledore arrived at the Potters' in the early hours of the morning. "Oh blast!" They heard him exclaim as he bumped his head in the fireplace.

"Albus!" Fleamont said, getting to his feet and shaking Dumbledore's hand as he clambered out of the grate like Father Christmas from a chimney.

"Monty." Dumbledore smiled, removing his purple hat and waving his wand at the carpet to restore it to its ash-free state. "And dear Euphemia!" He kissed James' mother on the cheek. He turned to James and Lily. "Quite some practice for your defence against the dark arts NEWT..."

Well, it was nice to know Sirius wasn't the only one who made jokes at inappropriate times.

"Coffee, Albus?" Euphemia asked him, holding up the cafetière which had sustained them through most of the night.

Dumbledore took a mug (this time with the words 'keep calm and make magic' on) and sat comfortably down. The Potters' cat Percy leapt instantly onto his lap, eyeing Sirius as though expecting him to react jealously. Sirius couldn't have cared less.

"I'm glad to see you boys took my words to you in your second year to heart." Dumbledore said to James and Sirius. "We certainly do need our friends at times like these. Particularly when it comes to fighting Lord Voldemort." He added darkly.

"What's the plan?" Sirius asked him. "How can we help find the bastards who did it?" He wanted to act. He wanted to fight. There must be something they could do that would be helpful for the Order.

"You can study for your NEWTs and support James and Lily as best you can through this." Dumbledore told him. "That is where you will be of most use."

Oh how bloody useless was that?!

"Sorry sir, but I don't agree. There must be some way we can help find the… prats who did this. Moody told us there were some death eaters knocking around Knockturn Alley just before Christmas. Why don't we pitch a stakeout round there?" He and James were rather good at stakeouts.

"And will you do this during or after your exams?" Dumbledore said with a wry smile.

"I'll do it right now!" Sirius said, making to stand up, but Dumbledore put out a hand.

"Absolutely not." He said. "There will come a time when you will be of use to the Order, but as your headmaster, I must insist you concentrate on your examinations. That is what is most important now."

How the ruddy hell was regurgitating memorised facts more important than taking down known death eaters?!

"I thought you said fighting Voldemort was good defence againt the dark arts exam practice?" He reminded Dumbledore, a little insolently it had to be said. "Well why can't I get out there and try it too?" The headmaster ought to offer his students equal opportunities, after all.

"Keep 'trying it' with me young man and I'll put you in detention." Dumbledore said.

James laughed and Sirius grinned in spite of himself. He supposed it was easy to forget they were still in school sometimes.

"These men, what did they look like?" Dumbledore said, turning to James and Lily who proceeded to give him a full description. "Hmm. It sounds like Travers and Dolohov." He said with a frown as he listened.

"Travers? Isn't he the one who works at the ministry?" Sirius said. He'd overheard Malfoy and Lestrange discussing the man at his parents' house once.

"That's right." Dumbledore said.

"Well then let's go!" Sirius said, actually standing up now. "He'll be arriving for his shift any minute. We'll spike his morning coffee with veritaserum, get a confession and chuck the sod in Azkaban!" What were they waiting for?!

"Sit down please." Dumbledore said and, despite it not being his house, he was clearly able to be in command of any situation as for reasons still quite unknown to Sirius, he obeyed.

"While I do admire your enthusiasm, this is not the right way to go about it." Dumbledore told him. "The situation is complex and taking rash action will not help matters. We must tread carefully."

Oh this was so frustrating! Why was everyone so bloody careful about everything?! So what if they exposed a ministry worker as a death eater? People had to hear the truth some time. What was wrong with right now?!

"I'm sorry." He said, doing his best to keep his temper under control (and failing hopelessly). "But I don't think that's a good idea. The longer we wait, the more time it gives the death eaters to take their next sordid action."

"Thank you for your opinion, Sirius, I will bear it in mind."

Which was basically just a polite way of saying 'fuck off'.

He scowled. How could Dumbledore think they could win this war by waiting? The time to act was surely right now!

Some of this must have shown on his face for Dumbledore sighed. "The time will come." He told him gently. "But it has not come just yet. We must be patient."

And so, though it pained him greatly to do it, he took Dumbledore's advice and went back to Hogwarts to sit his bloody NEWTs.

Poor Lily was still very upset. "I still don't understand why they had to die." She told them all in the common room one night. "It just seems so cruel!"

"How's Petunia?" James asked, squeezing her shoulders again.

"Still not talking to me." Lily said sadly. "I think she blames me for what happened." She sniffed.

"It wasn't your fault. If it was anyone's fault, it's mine."

"It's no one's fucking fault." Sirius said fiercely before Lily could say anything. "Sorry, let me amend that. It's Voldemort's, Travers' and Dolohov's fault."

He scowled darkly. "I can't believe Dumbledore thinks we should do nothing."

"Is that what he said?" Remus said, eyebrow raised in a half amused, half questioning sort of way over his textbook.

"For once, Moony, I'm telling the truth." Sirius said, turning to him. "Prongs was there, he'll vouch for me."

"He's half right." James told Remus. "He said we should be revising for our exams. I'm not sure what he and the Order are doing."

"Exams." Sirius snorted. "It's ridiculous. What could they possibly teach us here that we don't already know?"

"And this is why people say you're arrogant, mate." James said.

"Who says I'm arrogant? I'm not arrogant. I just think most of the stuff they tell us we have to learn is bloody pointless."

"Not going to have any flutterby bushes in your garden that'll need pruning one day?" James asked him with a wry smile.

"Well now that is important." Sirius said, grinning. He loved flutterby bushes. "But that's what I mean. If you decide something's useful for yourself, then it is. Why should what we know be dictated to us by the stuffy old blokes who work at the ministry and set the papers? I think we're all agreed on the fact that the ministry doesn't have a fucking clue. We need to think for ourselves. And if you ask me, I think NEWT charms is a sodding waste of time."

"No one asked you." Remus said crossly, repositioning his charms textbook in a dignified sort of way. "You can do things how you like once we graduate, but right now we've got our exams, and I'm afraid they were written by the ministry, not by you."

Oh this was so frustrating. Couldn't his friends see how bloody important all this was?! "Why do you have to do things by the book all the time?" He asked Remus, wondering how someone so intelligent couldn't see what was really happening here.

Remus looked quite cross now too. "Because it's quite literally the syllabus." He said, holding up the textbook. "Look, I don't argue with the things you do that I don't agree with. Can't you offer me the same courtesy?"

"What have I ever done that you don't agree with?" Sirius asked, genuinely bewildered.

Remus gave him a cold look. "How about every interaction you've ever had with Severus Snape."

Sirius glared at him. Oh couldn't he give it a sodding rest about Snape?! "Oh go on then, Moony, defend Snivellus to us all again." He said. "The innocent third party here, is he? Sure you wouldn't rather be friends with him instead? He's never done anything not 'by the book' in his whole snivelling life, has he?"

"Don't talk to Moony like that!" James said crossly.

Sirius glared at James too. They didn't get it. Neither of them got it. You couldn't just let your life be dictated to you by other people. Couldn't they see that's how Voldemort had got as far as he'd got to in the first place?

"You're being a prat." James told him. Was he?! "Moony's right. You need to let him and Wormtail and, sod it, me, get on with our exams if that's what we want to do. Not everyone thinks the same way you do."

'They bloody should' he wanted to say. "I know." He said instead, sighing as he ran his hands through his hair. "I just wish I could do something."

"I've got something you can do, Padfoot." Remus said suddenly.

Sirius looked at him. His friend was smiling in his Remus-like way. Oh please be something good.

"You can test me on cheering charms."

…

In the end, the exams were fine. He'd remembered enough to jot down answers to most of the questions, and whatever he didn't know, he made up anyway.

Defence against the dark arts was of course a doddle, as they'd been rehearsing defensive spells all year and he'd be very surprised if he didn't get an outstanding at least on that.

Charms was quite easy too. Fortunately he had taken Moony up on his offer to test him before the exam, as cheering charms did come up in the practical. And it had cheered him up.

But not as much so as Peter, who emerged from the great hall in a state of mild hysteria.

"Oh what a breeze that was!" He laughed, causing Sirius to stare at him. Peter had done nothing but complain about how hard all their other exams had been so far, and it had taken the combined efforts of James and Remus (and Sirius when he could be bothered) to cheer him up afterwards. Now it seemed that none of them needed to.

"Wormtail!" James laughed. "What's happened to you?!"

"Oh charms! Oh I am charmed! And I am oh so very charm-ingggg!" He sang, actually swinging himself over the banister as they made their way into the entrance hall.

"I think he might have overdone it on the practical." Remus said, quite obviously.

Sirius grinned. It was nice to see Wormtail have a bit of fun for a change. He'd been wound up like a tight, irritable spring in the run up to their exams.

"My name's Peter, it's really great to meet-ye, and I like to singggg!"

"You tell 'em, Wormtail." Sirius laughed as the Ravenclaw girls he'd been serenading gave him a look of alarm and scurried away.

"Can't catch 'em all." Sirius said consolingly.

When the effects of the cheering charm had finally worn off, Peter was thoroughly embarrassed. "Why did you let me talk to so many girls?" He asked in mortification that night in the common room.

"You've got to learn how eventually." Sirius told him. "You're bound to make a tit of yourself once in a while. Everyone does."

"You don't."

"You just need practice." James said to their friend. "Why don't you ask… Mary on a date. Or Moony, would that ruffle your feathers?"

"Wrong metaphor mate." Sirius told him. "Moony has fur."

"Mary and I are just friends." The human Moony said from where he was studying for their next exam. "If you like I can put in a good word." He smiled at Peter.

"But then you'll have to learn to put a few in yourself when you actually meet for a date." Sirius told him. "That's your problem, Wormtail. You never actually talk to girls."

"While you never listen." Remus told him though he was still smiling. "You can't do both at the same time, you know."

"I listen! I listened enough to what Flitwick told us about cheering charms not to send myself into hysteria."

"Oh don't bring it up again!" Peter said, burying his face in his hands and groaning.

"And you've got to be kind." Remus added, frowning at Sirius. "That's very important." He told Peter and Sirius didn't contradict him there.

"I doubt we'll have much time for dating when we're in the Order." Sirius told the others. "Well, unless we're Prongs and Evans, who can combine the two."

James grinned. "We are pretty lucky, aren't we?"

He certainly was. Sirius had never seen his best friend as happy as he was right now, hell, he'd never seen anyone as happy as James was right now!

He and Lily had asked Sirius to be best man at their wedding this summer and he was looking forward to it immensely. He'd not (for obvious reasons) been invited to Bellatrix or Narcissa's weddings to Rodolphus and Lucius and as the only weddings he'd been to as a child had been full of his family, he was looking forward to having a chance to celebrate with firewhisky and (more importantly) people he actually liked.

Before that, however, there were the rest of the exams to get through, as well the preparations for the end of their Hogwarts careers.

"I don't know what everyone's getting so emotional about." Sirius said, frowning over at Sylvie and Mary who were crying over what appeared to be a photo album. "It's not like we won't see each other again."

James mooched over to the girls and peered over Sylvie's shoulder. James was one of those people who seemed to think his company was welcome anywhere. Oh well, he'd better go and join him.

"Aww, there's a photo of you here, mate." James said, taking the album from the girls and showing it to Sirius.

It was a picture of him and Sylvie, aged thirteen or fourteen, grinning at the camera with their arms around one another. They did look very happy.

What was that strange feeling in his chest?

"Aha, cute." He said, quickly handing the album back to James. His eyes met Sylvie's and he looked hastily away. Why did it suddenly feel so hot in here?

"What are you girls' plans for when we graduate?" James asked, taking a seat on the arm of Mary's chair.

"I'm training as a healer and Mary wants to work in muggle liaison." Sylvie told him.

"It means I can spend more time with my family." Mary explained. "I'm muggleborn, you see, so I'd like to work with muggles. It doesn't require many NEWTs either, which is good as I won't be getting many! She laughed self-deprecatingly.

"What about you two?" Sylvie asked James and Sirius.

"Auror training." James said. "If we get the grades of course." It wasn't entirely a lie. Moody had set it all up for them (at least on paper), so it was a good cover story for what they'd really be doing once they graduated.

"Like Lily." Mary said, smiling at James. "Congratulations, by the way. I don't think I've had a chance to say it to you yet."

"Thanks." James smiled at her. "You must come to the wedding. Lily's organising the invites, but of course you're both on the list."

They promised him they'd be there, and the boys returned to 'their section' of the common room - a tradition that had spanned seven years.

"What's up?" James asked Sirius, startling him back to the present from where he'd been staring out of the window.

"Nothing." He said quickly, turning back to James and smiling.

"Padfoot, I've known you for seven years. There's nothing you can hide from me."

Sirius groaned. Sod it, he was right.

"Alright." He sighed. "There is something. But it's a bit…" how could he phrase this. "I dunno. Embarrassing, I suppose."

"More embarrassing than the time you streaked through the great hall after losing that bet with Moony?"

Sirius grinned at the memory. He'd been fortunate that he'd had a chance to put his clothes back on before being caught by a furious McGonagall.

She'd sent him straight to Dumbledore's office, which he remembered waited nervously outside, expecting to be shouted at, but the headmaster had simply laughed. He told Sirius it was a shame so many people were made to feel ashamed of their natural form and that he himself streaked on a daily basis ("just in my private quarters, not the great hall"), which had been too much information for anyone really.

"Nothing could be that embarrassing." He replied honestly.

"Well then, how bad can it be?" James smiled.

Sirius glanced over again at Sylvie and sighed. There really was no easy way to say this. "I think I'm a bit shit with girls."

James smiled at him again. "Well, you said it."

Sirius stared at him. Did James already know that? And if he did, could he maybe... help?

"How do you do it?" He asked his friend, his voice barely more than a whisper and immensely grateful the others had already gone up to bed.

"How do I do what?"

Oh did he really need to make him spell it out?!

"How do you… do it with Evans?"

"Er, mate, I know we're eighteen now, but I really don't think this is the best place for a conversation like that."

"No, I don't mean like that." Sirius said. "I mean…" But sod it, what did he mean? The way James and Lily looked at each other, the way they seemed to understand each other, that subtle indefinable something in the air between them...

"You mean how do I treat her like a human being and not a fucking object?"

Ouch. Well, maybe he deserved that. "Er, yeah." He said awkwardly.

James sighed. "It's simple mate. You just need to trust them."

"Simple?" Sirius repeated blankly. That was about as simple as quantum mechanics (which Sirius knew little about aside from the fact that it was very complicated.)

"Yeah." James said. "It's not rocket science."

"I, er, think we might have different definitions on that." Sirius said, turning to look back out of the window.

"What are you so frightened of?" James said quietly.

He turned to look back at his friend. There was that look in his hazel eyes. The look he'd never seen in anyone's eyes before coming to Hogwarts. Well, perhaps Alphard's.

"Not everyone's like your family." James told him gently.

"I know you're not." Sirius said. He'd never met anyone less like his stuffy relatives than James Potter, and not just because of his obsession with Gryffindor house.

"Well I'm not so strange." James said and Sirius decided the moment wasn't right for the joke. "Lily's not like them. And neither's Moony or Wormtail. Most people are good and do the right thing, you know. Not everyone would choose being rich or pureblood over being a decent human being."

"They would in my world."

"Yeah, because your world's fucked up. Sorry mate, but that shit you told us about last summer just isn't normal. It's not OK to lock your kids up with fucking boggartsyou know." He was glaring at Sirius fiercely as though daring him to contradict him.

"Yeah, I know." He said, though of course he hadn't known it at the time. The way his parents treated him had been normal to him growing up. He even felt he must have deserved it somehow.

"So why don't you believe people do the right thing?"

"Because they just don't." Sirius said, looking at the carpet now. "That story with the boggart in the cellar... that... that wasn't the worst of it."

James stared at him. Oh bloody hell. This was why he hated talking to James about his childhood so much. That look he gave him like what he was hearing was the worst thing imaginable. It made him want to say 'it's not so bad'. It wasn't really, was it?

"What the hell could be worse?"

Sirius sighed. He was going to have to tell him, wasn't he.

He recalled the memory again. He'd been about seven and his mother had locked him in the cellar for trying to sneak out to the park (nothing new there..). Unknown to Sirius (but not of course his mother) a boggart had taken up residence in the dark space. It had assumed the form of 'death' on seeing him and he'd been so petrified he'd scrambled up the steps in a desperate attempt to escape. He recalled his terror as 'death' had approached him and his frantic pleas to be let out went ignored. He must have passed out from fright as next thing he knew he was lying on the hard stone floor, a blinding pain in left arm.

His mother hadn't been at all pleased to find out he'd broken it. "We'll have to go to St Mungo's now." She'd said impatiently. "It's your own fault." She added crossly as they walked to the hospital. "If you hadn't been so disobedient in the first place none of this would have happened you know."

They'd been seen by Healer Smethwyck (Sylvie's father, incidentally), who had asked him how it happened.

"He fell down the stairs." His mother said impatiently.

The healer frowned at her. "Can he speak for himself?"

"Yes of course. He'll tell you the same thing." She turned to glare at him.

But Sirius realised that hadn't been right. He hadn't broken his arm because he'd fallen down the stairs, he'd broken his arm because he'd disobeyed his mother. He looked back at the blond man with the blue eyes. Wasn't it usually best to tell the truth?

"I tried to go to the park." He said quietly, hoping this man wasn't going to shout at him too.

But Healer Smethwyck had frowned at him. He turned to look at his mother, then quietly excused himself and left the room.

"Why did you say that?" His mother said crossly once he'd gone.

"Because that's what you told me happened!" Sirius said, thoroughly confused now.

"No I didn't! I-"

But before she could try and twist things any more, Healer Smethwyck returned, this time accompanied by an old wizard with a long white beard and green, velvet robes. He looked like someone very important. Sirius hoped he might be able to help make sense of things.

The man was frowning. "So, Healer Smethwyck tells me… Mrs Black!" He did a double take on seeing Sirius' mother. His whole expression changed as he hurried over to shake her hand. "How wonderful to see you! Hippocrates, this is Walburga Black." (Didn't Healer Smethwyck already know that?) "She and her husband are two of our most generous donors to St Mungo's. It's thanks to them that we could recently afford the 'Dangerous Dai Lewellyn' ward!" Even at his age Sirius could appreciate the irony of this. "They truly are magnificent people."

Sirius' mother's face fell back into its usual smirk. She hadn't greeted the man warmly (she never greeted anyone warmly) but she seemed to have appreciated being recognised as someone important.

"Thank you, Derwent." She said to the healer. "I should very much like to see the new ward, if you would be kind enough to oblige me?"

"Absolutely! Of course!" Derwent said sycophantically. "Please, come with me. Er, are we all done here, Hippocrates?"

The young healer looked at Sirius, his eyes full of regret. Sirius wondered if he would say something. If he would ask (as Sirius so desperately hoped he would) why he and his mother's stories didn't match and what was really going on here.

But Healer Smethwyck had sighed and turned back to his superior. "Yes, Healer Derwent." He had said. And so they left the room. And Sirius' one chance to be saved from it all.

James was staring at him in shock.

"See?" Sirius told him. "People don't always do the right thing. Or they don't where people like my parents are concerned at least."

"They're not all like that." James insisted, tears of compassion in his hazel eyes. "My mum and dad would have stood up for you back there."

That was true, Sirius supposed. James' mum was one of the very few people he'd ever seen stand up to his family.

"And I would." James insisted. "And so would everyone in the Order. It's people like your family we're fighting, you know. We want to take them down just as much as you do. You're not on your own."

James smiled at him and Sirius nodded slowly as he remembered someone else who'd once stood up to his parents for him.

Was this what all this talk was really about?

Marlene had been about eight when he'd first met her. The McKinnons and Blacks weren't really friends, but as they were both influential families, they often attended the same parties.

He remembered his delight on discovering there was another child with a sense of humour at one of these boring events, and the pair of them had proceeded to cause as much mischief as they could whenever they'd been lucky enough to meet after that.

At one such event, the Lestranges' Halloween party, they'd been caught by his dad as they attempted to hex the fruit punch. He'd pulled Sirius away from the table and, despite the fact that they hadn't actually managed it yet, had proceeded to wallop him anyway.

"That's so unfair!" Little Marlene had shouted, hands on her hips as she glared at Sirius' dad. "We didn't even hex the punch! Here, I'll prove it." She moved to the table, poured the adult a glass and handed it to him.

Eyeing her with deep suspicion, Orion Black the glass from her. He took a sip and then, to Sirius' utter delight and amazement, opened his mouth and burped so loudly it must have surely been heard by half the room.

"We put belching powder in it instead." Marlene said, quite obviously.

Although the moment of fun hadn't made things any easier for Sirius (his dad hated being made a fool of and of course proceeded to make his son suffer the price for it), the joy to know that not everyone was scared of his parents sustained him through. It made him smile now to realise that an eight year old was the strongest power in that room full of purebloods. He did love a bit of irony...

"Knut for your thoughts?" James asked. James had never been one for long silences.

"They're worth at least a galleon." Sirius grinned.

"You're worth all the gold in Gringotts, mate." James said. "But you already know that, since your uncle's basically given you half of it anyway."

Sirius smiled again. He'd been told he was 'fortunate' all his life, but it was only in meeting James Potter that he knew what the word truly meant.

"I'd give it all up for you, mate." He said honestly. What would be more precious than friendship, after all?

"Good song." James said, gesturing at the radio in an awkward and very British attempt to try and avoid a compliment. "Bowie, right?"

It was indeed. Sirius' uncle had played him record when it was first released in 1972. They'd been at his house (of course they weren't allowed muggle music in his own), and sitting out on his uncle's terrace, stargazing. "There's Arcturus, there's Orion, there's me - hi! And there's you." Alphard had said, pointing up at the night sky. "Sirius is the brightest in the sky, did you know that?"

And he'd smiled at him, just as James was smiling at him now. Like he saw him. Like he liked him.

And Sirius suddenly realised what it was that he'd been searching for the name of. That feeling in his chest, that indefinable 'thing' he had been grappling to identify. He grinned. Dumbledore really was an excellent teacher.

"You're learning." Sirius said with a smile. James was usually hopeless with muggle music. He'd thought Queen was the monarch's personal singer for fuck's sake.

"So are you." James replied, smiling back.

Sirius looked back out of the window. Was his uncle up there somewhere? Alphard the human had been one of the very few people growing up that Sirius had ever felt cared for him. He was sure he was out there now, smiling down on him and perhaps humming along to the song playing in the common room in his own strange way. Whether it was 1972 or now he supposed didn't really matter. He could feel it now.

He thought he might finally be ready to reply to Marlene's letter.

….

A/N: Thank you everyone for reading (and especially reviewing!) Your connection makes all the difference in the universe. And the song was of course Starman.

I also know they probably wouldn't have had something as simple as cheering charms in their NEWT practical (I think they learnt it in second year!) but as you probably noticed I needed something a little lighthearted to cheer us up!