Ren woke up in the same hospital bed he'd run across half the city to escape. Every muscle in his body ached and his head felt like someone had taken a bat to it.
Still, he'd powered through worse.
Ren clenched his teeth to not allow a groan to escape him as he sat up on the bed.
The first thing he noticed was his hands being locked inside a heavy metal box. Each hand was spaced apart from each other and kept just far enough away from the box's walls that his fingers couldn't touch it no matter how much he bent his wrist.
'Shit,' Ren thought to himself. 'They figured out how my quirk works.'
He stared at the lock on the box encasing his hands before studying his surroundings. A teal curtain divided the room in two, but Ren could make out the silhouette of someone laying in bed on the other side.
Judging by the shape of the impressive ponytail on that person, it was probably Momo. Great.
Ren froze in place for a moment, staring at Momo's silhouette. No movement. If he was lucky, she would be asleep right now.
Once he was reasonably sure that she didn't know he was awake, Ren went back to studying the metal box holding his hands hostage. His coppery orange eyes squinted at its keyhole.
The box was completely featureless save for the single keyhole, lacking any product logo to indicate the manufacturer. It was completely impractical for day-to-day law enforcement too, so it probably didn't belong to the police. The thing seemed built to restrain his Tether-Step quirk specifically, and Ren was pretty sure that the one who created it was sleeping on the other side of the curtain. That girl really was a pain in the arse.
An idea popped into his head. He bounced on the mattress of his bed slightly to get a feel for its construction and was rewarded by the faint sound of creaking springs. Perfect.
Ren used the side of his head to sweep his pillow to the side. He then bit into the bedsheet and dragged it off the mattress corner to reveal the bare mattress.
'I hope this works, or they'll be arresting me for destruction of property too.'
His sharp, cat-like teeth tore through the outer fabric of the mattress and a layer of foam before reaching the springs.
'Jackpot!'
Ren plucked out a spring in between his teeth then slurped it into his mouth. Unpleasant as its semi-sharp ends were, it was still far from the worst thing he'd put in his mouth.
The metallic taste of the spring mixed with that of his own blood inside his mouth as he bent and straightened it with his teeth and tongue.
Once the spring had been thoroughly chewed into a workable lockpick, Ren pushed its tip out of mouth and into the keyhole of the box holding his hands hostage. He wiggled the makeshift lock pick up and down with his lips, clicking each pin inside the locking mechanism until, after what felt like an hour of trying, the metal box encasing his hand popped open.
"Ha!" Ren pulled his hands out of the metal box. "Suck on that, Yaoyorozu!"
As if on cue, the teal curtains beside him were slid away to reveal Momo Yaoyorozu standing on the other side, very much awake and angry as all hell.
Ren blinked at her.
She stared down at her with steely grey eyes.
"...Think fast!"
Ren tethered himself to the metal box and threw it right at Momo's head.
She caught it without effort and threw it to one side with an annoyed look on her face. But by then, only a puff of black mist remained on the hospital bed.
"Too slow!" Ren, now behind Momo, shot his foot up full-force to kick her between the legs.
Momo's eyes widened again. All the saliva in her mouth shot past her lips and dripped onto the floor.
She turned around to look at Ren, red-faced from a mix of anger and embarrassment as she held her privates with both hands.
"Is that the only move you know?!" she squeaked through the pain in her groyne.
"Hey, as long as it works," said Ren before roundhouse kicking her in the face.
Ren picked up the metal box and tethered himself to it again as Momo lay reeling on the ground. She might've built the box to trap him, but now it was going to be his ticket to freedom.
"Later, sucka," said Ren before spinning around a couple times for momentum and tossing the whole metal box out the window.
Once his mental sonar told him that the metal box was within five metres of the nearest edge, Ren teleported to it and got ready to make a break for it again.
He got about three steps in before a huge shadow casted over him, followed by giant hands wrapping around his body.
"Whoa there!" said a familiar woman's voice. "Recovery Girl was right, this kid's got spunk!"
Ren wiggled within the giant hand's grip until he saw the giant blonde lady it belonged to. The same one who tried to catch him the first time.
"Oh, you've got to be shitting me." Ren grit his teeth as he struggled in the giantess's grip, biting and squirming in her hand to little effect. "Let me fucking go!"
"No can do, kiddo," said the giant lady. "Granny Recovery Girl told us to stick around to make sure you don't escape specifically."
Standing in the streets below were the two other pro heroes who'd tried to stop him earlier, a lean man with a body partially made of wood and a hulking man with giant arms decorated by heavy hazard stripe bracelets.
"The boy's fighting spirit is impressive," said the wooden man as he watched Ren struggle in the giant lady's grip.
The muscular man in the stupid hazard stripes getup let out a hearty laugh. "I can already tell this kid's going to be a menace at UA."
Ren stopped squirming in the giant lady's grip.
"Wait, say what now?"
"Oh, right." A smug smile spread on the giant lady's face as she set him on the ground in front of the other two pro heroes. "You probably haven't heard since you keep trying to run away."
"Mr and Mrs Yaoyorozu decided to take you in." The muscular hero patted Ren's sore shoulder with one enormous hand. "And, if you want it, enrol you in UA."
The giant lady shrunk back down to normal size and joined the other two pro heroes in looking at Ren for a response.
"...Sorry, but I think I still have a concussion. What did you just say?"
"It's thanks for defending their servant's honour-not to mention saving their daughter's life," said the wooden hero. "It's a chance at a whole new life, young man."
Ren squinted at the pro heroes, unsure of what to think.
"...You're all just fucking with me, aren't you?"
"No," said an unfamiliar man's voice behind Ren. "They're not."
Ren turned around to see Mr Yaoyorozu walking out of the hospital doors with his wife, who was holding a large paper bag with some sort of fancy brand on it.
"We were waiting for the nurse to tell us you woke up in the lobby," said Mrs Yaoyorozu with a smile. "Seems like you came to us instead."
The fur on Ren's black cat tail bristled in uneasiness. He eyed the rich couple in suspicion.
"What's the catch?"
"There's no catch," Mr Yaoyorozu assured him. "The police couldn't find any documentation on you. No missing person cases, runaway cases, birth records, school records, nothing. So tell me, what's your name, young man?"
"...Ren Isshiki," said Ren after a few moments.
"Ren." Mrs Yaoyorozu repeated the name back to him. "Such a nice name. Do you have a family to go back to, Ren?"
"My mum died when I was six," said Ren, still suspicious and sneaking occasionally glances at the nearby pro heroes. "I've never met my father."
"I see…" A sad, almost tearful spread across Mrs Yaoyorozu's face. "You've lived a hard life, haven't you?"
"Come with us and you'll never have to be hungry again," said Mr. Yaoyorozu, "and I promise you'll always have a warm bed waiting for you."
Ren was silent. Over the years, he'd gotten pretty good at reading people. It helped him gauge a person's awareness so he could pickpocket them, but it also gave him an easier time spotting the subtle ticks of liars which neither of the Yaoyorozus displayed.
"Oh my God." Ren wondered if he was dreaming or not if not for the passive pain and soreness wracking his entire body. "You're…you're actually serious, aren't you?"
"Absolutely!" Mrs Yaoyorozu reached into her fancy paper bag. "Oh! And I got you a little something for you too!"
Ren's cat tail shot straight up in attention when he saw Mrs Yaoyorozu pull out a bento box.
"Here," she said, handing it to Ren with a smile. "This is for you. Think of it as a housewarming gift."
Ren wanted to remind her that he still hadn't decided whether to go with them yet or not but the faint smell of something delicious inside the bento box instantly disintegrated any thoughts unrelated to his empty stomach.
The bento box still had its seal unbroken, so it probably wasn't poisoned. Upon breaking it and opening the box, he was greeted by a beautifully arranged assortment of various sushis ranging from fresh salmon and fatty tuna to grilled eel and sweet egg.
"Sorry if we're being presumptuous," said Mrs Yaoyorozu. "But we thought you might like sushi since, you know, you seem to be a cat n' all. If you don't like it then we can-"
She didn't get the chance to finish before Ren started shovelling the sushi into his mouth by the handful. His black cat's tail quivering in pleasure at the taste of high-quality food he never could have dreamed of eating.
The Yaoyorozus and pro heroes had sad smiles on their faces as they watched Ren devourer his first proper meal in years.
"Aw, you poor thing." The giantess heroine pat Ren on the head.
Ren wanted to bite her hand for even trying to touch him, but he didn't want to ruin the taste of delicious sushi in his mouth and so tolerated her ruffling his already frizzled black hair.
"We can give you a proper education, Ren," said Mr Yaoyorozu. "We can have you enrolled in UA's General Education Studies if you want. And if you have trouble with any subjects, we can pay for the best tutors in Japan no problem."
"But considering your potential, we'd be more than happy to sign you up for the Hero Studies Course instead too," Mrs Yaoyorozu added happily. "You might even be in the same class as our little Momo if that's the case!"
"I second that option," said the wooden pro hero with an approving nod. "Three pro heroes had a hard time trying to catch you during your first escape. You might have even gotten away if not for the Yaoyorozu girl. That kind of natural talent is rare."
"Put on a bit of muscle and hit the books and I could see you easily becoming a pro hero," said the muscular hero with the long arms. "The top ten might have to watch out for competition if you join UA."
"Huh." Ren spoke through a mouthful of fish and rice. "Not a bad idea…"
Despite himself, Ren had to admit that getting praised felt good. Especially when it came from the people who he was ready to throw hands with a few minutes ago.
He considered the possibility of him becoming a pro hero as he continued to shove sushi and sashimi inside his maw.
Ren had always known they existed, though not much else. He didn't keep up with the rankings, the celebrity drama around them, or social media in general. All he knew was All Might was at the top and they beat up bad guys and saved people sometimes.
After nine years of getting chased from restaurant dumpsters and getting his shit kicked in by sadists in the same alleyways he slept in, it would be nice to have people praise him like they did pro heroes. If anything he could use it as a metaphorical 'Fuck you' to all the people who only ever saw him as vermin.
Still, the UA Hero Course couldn't be easy and he'd practically be committing himself to a single career path…
A very pissed off girls' voice snapped Ren from his thoughts.
"You!" Momo stormed out of the hospital's front doors, red-faced and covered in so much sweat soaking her body that her hospital gown was clinging to her skin. "Just who do you think you are?!"
"Ren Isshiki," said Ren dryly. He looked Momo up and down. "Did…did you just run down the seven floors' worth of stairs from our hospital room?"
"Yes!" said Momo in exasperation, turning even more red than before. "Because you're an asshole!"
"Language, young lady!" said Mrs Yaoyorozu. "Either way, that's no way to speak to your new brother."
Momo looked slack-jawed at her parents. "You mean he actually…"
"He hasn't officially accepted yet." Mr Yaoyorozu looked expectantly at Ren. "We're still waiting for an answer."
"Well, since you all asked so nicely, I guess I have no choice but to go with you guys." A smug grin spread across his gaunt face. "Also, I think I'll take your suggestion and enrol in the hero course."
Momo's eyes widened in horror and she turned to her parents with eyes wide with disbelief.
"Wait, what?! We didn't talk about that bit!"
"You admitted yourself that the boy's got potential, Momo," said Mr Yaoyorozu. "It'd be a crime to not help him live up to it."
"I might even have more potential than you, Yaoyorozu," said Ren with a cheshire grin that showed off his sharp feline teeth. "We might've tied when we fought last time, but that's only because I was injured and out of shape. Give me a few months to bulk up and I'd kick your posh arse."
Ninety percent of the reason behind Ren's decision might've come from wanting to fuck with Momo for the next three years, but the look of indignant fury she gave him in that moment made it a hundred percent worth it.
"You wish, cat boy!" Momo shouted at him. "I was holding back so I wouldn't accidentally cripple you!"
"Is that a fact?" Ren put his hands on his hips as his cat tail flicked to one side in contempt. Momo may be a head taller than him, but he still found a way to look down on her through sheer spite. "I'm ready to scrap if you're ready to put those banknotes where your mouth is, princess."
The three pro heroes watching the scene looked on in amusement. The size-changing giantess was giggling to herself while the wooden man and muscular speed bump held back their laughter.
"I can tell that you two will get along just fine," said the giantess hero. "Anyways, we pros should get going now that everything here's been sorted out. I trust you folks can take it from here?"
"We'll be fine," said Mr Yaoyorozu. "Thank you, Mt. Lady. You too, Kamui Wood and Death Arms. You've saved us a lot of trouble."
"Don't mention it," said Death Arms.
"We were just doing our job," Kamui Woods added. "Just please, take care of Ren and Momo. They both have bright futures ahead as pro heroes."
"We will," said Mrs Yaoyorozu with stars in her eyes. "I'm so excited to have a new member of the family!"
Mr Yaoyorozu, who'd secretly always wanted a boy, nodded in agreement.
"I'll call us a ride and have the maids prepare a bedroom for him right away."
Within a few minutes, Ren and Momo were discharged from the hospital. Momo's parents had to pay for the bed Ren had ruined, but it was less than a fraction of a dot to their ridiculous wealth anyways so neither of them seemed particularly upset about it. If anything, they seemed impressed.
"Let me get this straight: you bit through the mattress to get to the spring, which you then used as a lock pick?" Mrs Yaoyorozu let out a small chuckle as she leaned on her husband at the back of the limousine. "You're pretty resourceful, Ren."
"That's a good trait to have, whether in business or hero work," said Mr Yaoyorozu approvingly. "Momo could learn a thing or two from you."
"Uh-huh," Ren mumbled through a mouthful of bread and meat while Momo seethed beside him.
He was sitting on opposite ends of the same limousine sofa seat as Momo, demolishing everything in the minifridge which the Yaoyorozu had made the mistake of allowing him access to.
"And you could learn quite a bit from her too," Mrs Yaoyorozu added. "She's a genuine genius, you know!"
Momo went from glaring at Ren to staring at her feet with a face red from the sudden compliment.
"I'm not sure if I have all that much that I can teach him," she said shyly.
"Finally!" Ren washed down to food with a can of soda pop before immediately going back to stuffing his face again. "Something we can agree on!"
The red on Momo's face turned from embarrassed to angry.
"Okay, I take that back, I think can teach him some manners."
"Oh really now?" Ren swallowed the handful of finger sandwiches in his mouth before flipping Momo his own finger. "Is the first lesson learning how to sit with that stick up your arse?"
"Why you!"
Ren and Momo continued to bicker with each other the entire ride to the Yaoyorozus' new mansion in Musutafa.
Momo might've been way more fit and far better trained, but Ren had her beat in the trash talking department by a mile. His vocabulary was so colourful that half the time Momo wasn't even sure what he was saying except that it was meant as an insult.
Mr and Mrs Yaoyorozu watched on in mild amusement as their daughter and newest adopted son bicker.
Mrs Yaoyorozu shot a knowing smile at her husband, who merely rolled his eyes.
He was all too familiar with the sort of belligerent tension between Momo and Ren. Profound annoyance mixed with no small amount of begrudging respect for each other's abilities which only made them want to improve themselves to one-up the other.
Ren and Momo's interactions almost mirrored how Mr Yaoyorozu was with his wife when they were still kids.
While he had decided to adopt Ren as a son, but if he was going to be a son-in-law too then he wasn't about to complain. Momo wasn't the type of girl to go around messing with boys, so maybe having this boy constantly messing with her will finally get him grandkids someday.
He could only hope they didn't already sterilise each other with all the crotch shots they traded.
Author's Note: Shorter chapter than usual this month, so here's a fun fact to make up for it: Ren has an inexplicably thick Cockney accent whenever I read/write his dialogue.