Authors comment:
Okay, I'm back! (after a long break of 34 hours). Souls of the Night Book 3... Volume 3 - whatever.
It continues with Lexington and Nathaniel's relationship. More gay relationship drama than action movie but there will be action. Besides my two boys, the storyline with Nashville and Graziella will unfold as well as the one with Thailog, Brentwood and Enya - all of which I will need by the end of book 4. Ok I'll say it like it is - Graziella and Nashville's relationship is more than problematic and Brentwood and Enya are absolutely and thoroughly pathological and sickening anyway and I don't know where their boundaries are - I have to develop them like I did with Nash and Graziella - but of course not in such a sweet and childlike way because they are already perverted NOW and I feel SO sorry for Thailog. So I'll list some of the problematic content. Just in case you can't deal with one of them and don't want to read on:
Takes a deep breath ... This book contains sections with depressing, crude, vulgar and derogatory language, and topics such as ;
Suicide, depression, (mental illness), gaslighting, eating disorders, body shaming, alcohol, cigarette and drug abuse, discrimination in all forms, old and new types of racism, sexism, child abuse, child endangerment, blackmail, dystopian or already existing restrictive excesses of modern technology and science, disturbing family relationships, the use of violence by state authorities and their representatives, vigilante justice and the concealment of the same, homo-inter- and trans-hostility, explicit descriptions of the deceased, murder scenes, gore content, cannibalism, blood, sex (lots of it when I'm in the right mood) as well as psychological and sexual violence in relationships and/or death, non-monogamous relationships, ethically and morally questionable actions, as well as content critical of society, religion, science, which could trigger discomfort, consternation, anger or trauma in some people.
Please do not buy and/or read if any of the above could trigger or rekindle a crisis in you.
Read at your own risk.
If you are experiencing distress, seek help at: usethedamninternet, IonlyknowGermanhelpforumsandsites.
Thanks and enjoy, Quinn Taxon ^^
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Souls of the Night (Book 3)
1.
Roxane Davis was a junkie. Not addicted to crack, methamphetamines or any of the usual drugs. She didn't even drink alcohol.
Her addictive substance was information and knowledge that no one else possessed. And as the therapist of the world's first known and most famous gargoyle clan, she always got such a violent and wonderfully intoxicating rush that it was a wonder that her inhuman clients with their keen senses had not yet caught how violently her heart beat at new revelations and how wet she became between her legs. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's therapist - a laughing stock. Trump's psychiatrist - an amateur (obviously).
No - she, Roxane Davis was so well equipped when it came to secrets that it was a surprise that neither the Pentagon nor the Illuminati had gotten hold of her. But let them try. They would have no luck. Not because the Gargoyles or Mr. Xanatos would protect her. He couldn't do that against the Illuminati (yes - she knew about that too). No one would catch her, threaten her or steal any of her delicious, luscious secrets. She was a being not as old as time but as old as the first secret that one monkey had grunted to another. She couldn't even call a name her own. One that had been given to her by humans, whispered in the dark of the night, or one that she had chosen for herself by which people should address her and know her. Because she didn't want to be known. How else would she get the stories she fed on? She needed them and, unlike many other children of Oberon, she did not gain power through a name or through the legends about her. Only through secrets.
And she didn't even have to be human for that. As a golden laurel wreath, she had first learned of Caesar's most glorious and sometimes later futile battle plans. As a face cream against Jean Paul's Marat seborrheic dermatitis, she had read Madame Corday's letter before he did, which was intended to distract him from her subsequent murder of him. She had been the black silk in the cap band of the last soldier who had heard Hitler fire the shot that everyone later thought had perforated his head. But it had only been the head of his clone. The first clone in world history created with knowledge that was lost after the war and only revived by that funny Anton Sevarius. She would have loved to have him on her couch. Or at least his clone. But she couldn't get greedy.
She felt very well fed since this newfangled custom of psychology had arisen and she had first inhabited Freud, then Jung, then Erikson and had eaten her way through their secrets. And now Roxane Davis. To dwell in a woman, to be that woman, was beautiful in this modern age - humans like gargoyles automatically assumed that their secrets were in good hands with her. Of course they were! She would starve if she shared them - shared secrets lost all nutritional value. Although she had to be careful not to put on weight.
Roxane Davis smiled at the thought.
"What was funny about that? I almost lost Nathaniel," the olive-green gargoyle on her couch growled rather hostilely.
Lexington Wywern. Hatched in 958, so now 65 years old, just under 33 in human years. He had always been a horrible patient, very reluctant to share secrets (on those nights Roxane had often gone home with a growling stomach) which was probably due to his intelligence, which often crossed the line into arrogance although all members of his clan described him as loving, kind, eager and outgoing. However, due to his Pack trauma, he was always able to display a certain distance that was strangely professional for a gargoyle. There always seemed to be a veil between him and people from outside the clan, especially humans.
And now he was lying on her couch, his arms folded like a sulking child, even though there were numerous cuddly toys and teddy bears and gargoyle dolls in her office that her younger clients like Heather liked to hold on to. But Lexington's pride forbade that. At least the web-wing had filled her stomach wonderfully over the last few weeks, not directly but indirectly via the various points of view of his clan members. Ohhhh for the first time. With the fascinating story about his ... Well, what was he? She looked down at her clipboard on her lap. On the sheet of paper tucked into it was written, among many other things: Nathaniel Sharif ... Boyfriend. Lover. Mate?
Lexington hadn't confirmed the last word yet. Maybe he wasn't that far along yet. But she would find out. And that thing about the new gargoyle's proclivity for burning? - Oh, that would be a feast. She sensed a diffuse energy from Nathaniel, who had been in group and individual sessions with her himself, but it was so peculiar and ... somehow blocked that she couldn't remember which entity this energy was supposed to belong to, which the current non-human had probably been touched by unknowingly at some point.
"I wasn't smiling at what you said, Lexington. But at the look on your face when you talk about him. Nathaniel."
The little gargoyle relaxed a little in his reclining position at the mention of that name alone. That flicker of adoration flitted across his face again. Then a smile. Only gargoyles could love like that - the creature that had been Roxane Davis for 15 years knew that. His love was anything but a secret because his body and soul screamed it out into the world even when his mouth remained closed. But there was still something nourishing about that feeling. She stored the sensations he emitted in her magical fey side to be retrieved when another client needed a touch of it. Then it would no longer be direct love - but this sensation. That was one of her abilities. She wasn't just a secret and emotional parasite. She could also pass on feelings to others. Not with the sledgehammer of her touch, of course, creating wonderful or terrible visions and sensations as she had sometimes done with very evil people in her storm and stress phase before Oberon's decree of non-interference in mortal affairs (That was a dirty way to play with humans, to see them break and run amok because of the horrible images in their heads and from today's perspective she found it just disgusting. Even her moral standards were adjustable.)
No, she did it subtly. Psychologist-style. With the right questions and words that opened the gates to certain emotional spheres where she could then inject sensations according to her wishes as if with a thin needle. Very slowly. She would have loved to do the same with Nashville regarding his bond-related obsession with Graziella Dracon. But he had snarled and yelled at her once when she had tried to work him over. Once was enough. She probably wouldn't be able to talk to Nashville about the subject until Graziella was sitting next to him on the couch. How that should work without at least one of them being hogtied and gagged was also a mystery to Roxane. When were these children going to get a grip on their emotional chaos? She was a therapist and a secret- eater - not a fucking romantic faith healer.
"How did you feel the nights before Nathaniel confronted you that last dramatic night," Davis asked diplomatically, careful to move from her meandering thoughts back to her current meal.
It was the same question she'd asked everyone in the clan who'd come to her in the last four weeks. And from Heather to Brooklyn, everyone had given relatively similar answers. Words like sad, helpless, lost, frustrated or, in Tachi's case, "fucking shitty" were in every file.
Lexington looked at her. Again, he was miffed that he had to lie here and share things with her that he thought were either too private or too unimportant now that "his" Nathaniel seemed to have been saved. But he answered dutifully because he knew that "his" Nathaniel wanted him to be here and was cooperating in having his psyche tampered with.
"I felt angry," Lexington said. That word came to the others on her sheet. Only Tachi had used that word before. Mr. Xanatos- less emotional- always the strategist skulking around others had used irritated- which meant the same thing to him. Angry was a word that came up in very emotional, clever or powerful people who were otherwise used to having everything under control or at least being able to manage everything somehow.
"How did you perceive your own state just before Nathaniel was able to pull himself out of his condition?
"I felt I was in the right," the web-wing admitted without hesitation and Davis couldn't stop one of her eyebrows from rising, hoping the gargoyle didn't notice the reaction.
"Why did you feel you were in the right? And to whom?"
Lex wrinkled his nose, showing more fang towards her than he had to - cute.
"I felt in the right-" he said in that slow way that made it clear he thought this was all quackery (especially because it was in reference to HIM). "- because NOBODY could or wanted to see that Nathaniel would have died with his complete petrification. They talked about how it wasn't clear and that maybe Alex could have brought him back but NOBODY knows Alex better than me. I've known how to read him better than anyone since he was born, except maybe Puck. And I recognized his tone of voice on the phone. He is SO powerful and when even he is clueless, when he says "this shouldn't have happened" it's ultimate. Just his hesitation in that phone call - it was terrifying."
"You were scared."
Lexington stood up and sat on the edge of the couch, gesticulating authoritatively.
"No! No, I wasn't scared. I was angry. Because I felt left alone-"
"- in your non-fear for Nathaniel?"
The gargoyle in front of her glared at her and defiantly pushed his lower jaw forward.
"Yes," he admitted after a few seconds. And then waved it off. "It wasn't a correct assessment, okay? I was confused. Impaired in my judgment. I wasn't gliding enough. I wasn't getting any real sunlight for weeks and I wasn't exercising enough. This combination is toxic. I was draining myself. The others tried to help me ... I'm not mad at anyone or anything. We're all good together again. I love them. I love my clan."
"And Nathaniel, of course."
Lexington's hostile features softened instantly. The broad smile was as charming as the pink blush on his cheeks.
"Nathaniel is Clan. Clan is love."
"It's good that for your clan, love isn't limited to conspecifics. Because Nathaniel will soon be human again."
Lexington's smile slipped away.
"Yes, that ... I love him as a human too."
"But?"
"No buts... it's just that interspecies relationships are difficult. Goliath and Elisa are both SO tough but even Goliath gave up his rank in the clan because he couldn't stand this ... conflict in the long run. Torn between his responsibility and love towards clan and towards a human. Yes - Elisa would never have requested anything of him in this direction - but HE decided that. It's hard to stand in two worlds that are so different. Something like that can break stronger people than Nathaniel. And I know that if Nathaniel is human and wants to live as a human again, I won't be able to look after him the way he needs."
"Does he need that?"
"Of course he does. He's still depressed. That doesn't just go away."
"I'm working very intensively with him," Roxane said as she wrote something on the sheet in her clipboard again.
"Are you working through the rape issue?"
Roxane smirked at the manipulative gargoyle. That was exactly why she used paper and not a computer for her notes. No computer would be safe from Lexington. She had to work through this compulsive control with him or it would crush Nathaniel and contribute to their estrangement. "You know I can't talk about this. I don't talk to Nathaniel about your issues either."
Lex let out a short, spiteful snort of laughter. A wordless comment that meant something like: What issues should I have now that everything is fine? And that was exactly his problem. Now. Lexington Wywern might be full of love. But he was also a control freak (in a different way than Nathaniel) and viewed his mind and body as a kind of machine. When all external parameters were favorable, this machine worked smoothly. If not ... then cracks quickly appeared in Lexington's shell.
Years ago, Goliath had told her about the horrifying vision her little cousin Puck had made him believe, and from Brooklyn and Nashville she had learned what Lexington had been like in a potential future. Cruel, corrupted, insane by whatever events had happened.
And even though they had probably opened a new timeline after 1997, this vision hovered over everyone who knew about it. For more than 25 years, those involved had been on the lookout for signs, clues, little telltale omens that could supposedly lead to "Future-Tense Lexington" and the destruction of them all. And yes - more than once, individual clan members had openly manipulated Lexington how they thought that this version of him would never develop. Although everyone knew how unsafe it was to play around with fate, time and destiny. Even omnipresent entities didn't dare to do that directly, which is how the Phoenix Gate had been created in the first place. And precisely because fate was so difficult to circumvent and because certain things could still happen despite a changed future (perhaps under different circumstances), Lexington would always be under "observation". Nevertheless, his clan loved him. That didn't change the fact that he was fundamentally a good, loving person NOW. But his condition, which he described only as "angry", had been described by others as manic, obstinate, malicious with despair, "batshit crazy" (Tachi's words).
And Lexington knew about it. He had for years. He knew that the rest of the clan and their human allies knew what Goliath's puck-induced vision and what this one version of the future had shown. Probably not in full detail, but it was a trauma that - even if it wasn't his own trauma - troubled him deeply, as evidenced by the way he reacted to it as aggressively as Nashville reacted to Graziella Dracon. Maybe that's why he was so extremely hostile to any attempt to see inside his head, too. Because it was his greatest fear what was hidden in there - deep in the back of his mind, under layers of love and warmth and devotion. Where Nathaniel's fears lay almost on the surface of his fragile shell - Lexington's fears were deeply buried and chained.
Lexington Wywern would never be reduced to a potential threat - but Roxane Davis was pretty sure that Lexington's relationship with Nathaniel Sharif was vital to the gargoyle. And should he lose this new significant other ( through whatever) it would push him in the very direction that others had worked hard and struggled morally with themselves and their actions not to take. Nathaniel Sharif was essential to Lexington's mental and ethical stability. The fact that he would be turned back into a human by Alexander in a few days was another problem.
Lexington's eyes flitted to the clock on the wall.
"We still have five minutes," Roxane disappointed him. "I want another session with you and Nathaniel at the end of the week."
"About what?"
Lexington rocked nervously on the leather couch. He didn't like sitting with the shrink. He liked it even less when the person he thought he had to be strong for saw his head being poked around in.
"We'll keep up the joint sessions even after Nathaniel's transformation back. You two need to stay communicative about this time of change and how it will alter or redefine your relationship."
"Our relationship is excellent! It will remain excellent when he becomes human again."
Lexington unconsciously frowned at the last word. Yes - he hated that his Nathaniel would become human again. He was sick to death of it.
"Do you think Nathaniel is trying to put distance between you by turning back to human? That it would be some kind of escapism for him to stay as he is now?"
Lexington lifted his head and stared at her with wide eyes.
"Is that what you think? What did he say? Do- should I-"
Roxane smiled again.
"I don't think anything. I'm asking for your assessment."
"I don't know!"
Lexington jumped up and started pacing around the room with his arms crossed behind his back. Not an uncommon gargoyle reaction to seek movement in agitating subjects. Manhattan and Labyrinth Clan had worn out six rugs over the years.
"I know Nate loves me. And I love him! Why can't he stay a gargoyle? Everything would be SO much easier for him. I could look after him. My love and the love of the clan would stabilize him. I can get everything that's weighing him down out of the way. Why does he want to become human again?"
"Did you ever ask him that?"
Lex stopped and stared at her like she was stupid, insane, or both.
"He'd just be mad at me. He'd think I was trying to manipulate him into staying with me as a gargoyle. He'd think I thought he was too weak to live as a human again. I would offend him terribly"
"Would he be wrong?"
"I want to respect his opinion and decision as long as it has nothing to do with suicide or self-harm. I don't want to patronize him and give him the feeling that he is my equal. He IS my equal! At the same time, whenever he starts talking about his human life again, I want to shake him and tell him that he doesn't need it. His life as a human was shit. His family was horrible to him. Made him feel like he wasn't lovable- not worthy of anything, like he was just a burden and a liar. While his sister's fiancé beat him almost every day and sexually and psychologically abused him - WHY does he even want to go back with a single toe into that life?"
"Maybe that's why he wants to become human again. He ran away all his life and avoided conflict - we both know where that got him. Maybe he doesn't want to run anymore. He could ... look at it like a lost battle. Wouldn't that be deeply brave Gargoyle thinking."
"He may flee this life. He MAY leave it behind. He doesn't need those lowly humans! He only needs me! And okay - clan too. 70 percent me - thirty percent clan. Of course I want to keep him with me! He's my ma-"
Roxane's watch rang.
She smiled mildly at the panting gargoyle in front of her. He bit his lower lip and shook his head as if to clear it of fluttering thoughts. The last minute he finally said what he really felt. He just needs me! I want to keep him. Those lowly humans. These statements sounded toxic (they probably were) but she wasn't thinking in those terms. She tasted the sweet tart flavor of secrets on her fey tongue and had to stop herself from moaning with pleasure.
"Would you like to continue? I don't have any more appointments after you."
"No," Lexington said gruffly, taking a deep breath, straightening his shirt in a neurotic-looking gesture that simultaneously locked his last emotions deep inside him, hopefully never to lose control like that in front of his therapist again. Yet everything he gave her was so delicious. She would come back to this at the next individual session.
"Then I'll see you Thursday night at 10, you and Nathaniel."
"Sure. Whatever Doc," Lex said, struggling for another insincere "Thank you" and then was out the door. She knew he'd just have to jump out the hallway window and take the next updraft to reach the helicopter pad forty stories up. Having her practice in the Eyrie Building at no rental cost was so wonderfully convenient.
The psychiatristFlashsecret-eaterFlashhorrorvisiondemon patted her belly and grinned.
"That was pretty good," she muttered, leaning back in her chair, satiated.
Nathaniel was the key. Everything about him was so delicious and she suspected she would overeat on him on more than one occasion in the future that she would have to go on a slimming diet (or drug rehab). He was too important for the clan, but especially for Lexington. But Roxane Davis remained patiently silent and listened as she had done for millennia. Because she wanted to and had to. No one liked to go hungry. She would help them - all of them. But slowly.
Thanks for reading, Q.T.