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Souls of the Night Vol 3

25.

When I broke through the stone skin with a powerful contraction of all my muscles, the first thing I did was wince because not only did my arms hit walls as I stretched them out, but I was also bombarded from all directions by my own shards. Then I remembered where I fell asleep. I would have to practice waking up in the confined space of my "showcase" without bumping myself. Plus point for my installation here – contentedly I heard the whirring hum and looked down to see my splinters being sucked into the vents built into three of the walls close to the floor. Yes, this is how I had imagined it. Perhaps a future patent for the Gargoyle Nation. While I was asleep, I had the idea of equipping these sleeping chambers with powerful solar lamps. But I would have to work out how to run them without an external power source or fuel. That way, gargoyles could one day even survive at the North Pole, South Pole, hell, even in outer space. Smiling, I looked up - expecting to see my friend's smile. But all I saw was Elisa standing in front of me. And behind her, sitting on a chair, was Doctor Davis! I put on a discontented, confused frown, which immediately turned to worry when I opened the sliding glass door and looked around the room without finding Nathaniel.

"Where is Nate? What happened?" I asked without a good evening greeting, which the human women couldn't possibly expect. Elisa was clan, but all gargoyles hated waking up to find strangers watching them yawn and stretch. That was just rude. Yes, Davis was a stranger to me. She'd been treating us for years and probably knew more about the clan than anyone else but she was NOT clan, not a familiar of our own choosing but...well, staff paid for her services and the damn therapist smile she just offered me that was meant to be lulling didn't improve my mood.

"Good evening Lexington," Elisa said in a tone that made it clear she was expecting a friendlier greeting and just for her sake I took a breath and managed a reasonably calm "Good evening". Immediately afterwards, I raised my hands questioningly and demanded an explanation.

Elisa smiled but there was something deceptive about it and when she sat down on the second chair in the room and pointed to the wonderfully large, new bed (on which I could see and smell from the made-up sheets that no one had slept in) my jaw almost dropped to the floor.

"Sit down Lex," Elisa said kindly, confirming my impression. God, I'd had nightmares like this before, only with the whole clan in the sitting circle.

I shut my mouth again and narrowed my eyes.

"I want to know where my friend is?" I rumbled. Elisa - trained for years to interpret and ignore the grumbling of much larger gargoyles - tapped the end of the bed next to her chair.

"He's fine, sit down."

"I won't do that, you won't do that," I said defensively.

"What aren't we going to do, Lexington?" Davis asked in the emphatically unemotional voice she could save for her more unstable clients. I laughed and grinned widely, but mostly because I couldn't believe what they were doing.

"THIS here! I'm not going along with this. I want to know why Nathaniel isn't here."

"What do you think this is?" Davis asked, ignoring my insistence about Nathaniel.

I crossed my arms, knowing that the shrink (and Elisa too, I'm sure) would read a defensive attitude from that gesture alone. I was defending myself indeed!

"You know very well what this is supposed to be," I growled, frustrated with the mind games that insulted my intelligence.

"I'd like to hear it from your mouth what you think this is. Don't be afraid to say the word," she said and I knew from the twitch in her finger that she was missing her clipboard, which she hadn't brought especially for the occasion.

"This-" I said slowly, emphasizing each word in a very spiteful way "-is a fucking intervention."

"Good, now sit down Lex," Elisa repeated.

"No!" I strode past the humans to the door. Which was locked. I slowly turned my head towards the two women. Both had their legs crossed, both were waiting for my compliance. They could wait a long time for that.

"You know I can destroy the door," I hissed.

Elisa smirked.

"Not if this room was designed as a panic room with a Gargoyle-proof titanium core in the door like mine," she purred. Damn, of course I had planned this room that way. EVERY room here was gargoyle-proof not because of us exactly, but because gargoyle-proof also meant bombproof, fireproof, soundproof.

"I can break the door lock and unhook the hinges, what do you say?"

"Without tools? Show us."

Elisa's grin was downright playful so I couldn't even be truly mad at her. I was usually the smartass and seeing someone else in that role was kind of a drag - no wonder I managed to make enemies even without a clan behind me. I stared at her for a moment. Then I grinned wickedly, strode to the showcase closet where I'd just woken up, stepped inside and slid the panel off the electronic combination lock that was built into the far wall. Did they really think I wouldn't build an evacuation route hidden between the walls for the love of my life?

"Bye bye, ladies," I purred over my shoulder and punched in the numbers. The soft muffled beeping made me gasp. I typed in the numbers again.

"What the f-," I mumbled and tried again.

"I've had all evening to get someone from building services to change the code for me," I heard Elisa say behind me.

I sucked the air in and hissed it out like a steam boiler. Felt my eyes light up.

"Lexington, count backwards from ten when you feel the rage coming on. Like in anti-aggression training," Davis recommended in a supremely helpful manner that made me want to jump in her face. Instead, I clenched my fists so tightly that my own claws were piercing me and I lowered my head.

"Ten, nine, eight ... Seven-six-five-four-three-one," I rattled off.

My shoulders sagged and I grumbled in frustration. But calmer. I still had my back to the room.

"You can stand there, of course, but it would be more helpful if you joined us," Davis said. "The quicker we can get out of here and you can reach out to Nathaniel."

THAT was an argument that seemed worth pursuing. I turned around, stalked over to the women who had conspired against me and sat down on the bed with the $5,000 mattress and the $1,000 comforter covers.

"Okay. I'm all ears. What did I do wrong?" I said snippily and yes, I was too smart and too old for the tone but I couldn't help sounding like that.

"Where do we start," Elisa muttered, rolling her eyes.

Davis shot her a displeased look that made me smile. Yes, I guess professionalism wasn't on the menu right now, Chief Maza. What I didn't like was that Elisa was obviously in her "bitchy mode". What had happened during the day that she was now displaying this towards me?

"What we want to start this session with is to reassure you that you are among friends," Davis said softly.

I snorted in amusement at the standard phrase of this behavioral therapy method. "I'm in the evaluation phase on that right now," I puffed.

"I can of course call the rest of the clan so we can expand the sitting circle," Elisa shot back.

"We don't want to resort to that method. Don't we, Lexington? We should keep this matter between us. You are cooperative, aren't you?" asked the Doc.

I crossed my arms, pouting. Then I unfolded them again so that this gesture wouldn't be interpreted negatively.

"Yes, doctor," I said. Far be it from me to have my whole clan sitting here like in a How I met your mother episode.

"So, I'm only here as a mediator so that Elisa can calmly explain to you what this is about and so that you don't confront Nathaniel too hastily. That could have a negative impact on his previous therapy success and your relationship."

I stared at her. "Why-why would I confront Nathaniel about anything? We love each other, our relationship is good. He's human again now and everything is fine."

"Elisa informed me that Nathaniel has turned back into a human. I will continue to work with him on his motivations, but this session is about this apartment."

I let my gaze wander to see what was wrong with this apartment. But I didn't find anything that was even remotely not okay.

"What's the problem?" I asked cautiously.

"It's not a problem in the strict sense. It's more about the suddenness and the extent of this ... gift," our mediator specified.

I crossed my arms, not caring what they would make of it.

"If I had announced it, it would hardly have been a surprise. And yes, it's a gift on a scale that can be overwhelming. It was meant to impress him. And Nate would have told me if-"

"-would he?" Elisa interrupted me. "Would he have told you if something had bothered him? Or if everything had bothered him?"

"Did Nathaniel talk to you about your gift before sunrise?" Davis inquired in a much more professional tone.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Of course he did. We didn't have much time, but he didn't say a word about not liking the apartment."

"What verbs did he use?" Davis asked.

I smiled smugly and relaxed a bit. "I remember that very well. He called this apartment huge. And gigantic! He remarked on how big the living room was and when I said there was room for the whole clan, he agreed. He also agreed that his room at the castle was too small and that the gargoyle quarters are generally very lonely, dark and cold during the day. Here, Alexa controls the temperature and thanks to the heating and cooling in the floor AND walls and the ventilation shafts, it only takes ten minutes to go from 59 to 77 degrees and vice versa. And I think he said about the dimmable windows in the bedroom ... Wow, neat and fascinating. So Chief and Doctor. I think I've done quite a lot right here."

Elisa leaned back in her chair and groaned in annoyance. "Oh god. How can a Gargoyle be so arrogant and blind. Lex, I love you, you know that, but I'm afraid that your close collaboration with Xanatos and your obsession with technology far from humans have made you oblivious to interpersonal nuances. That all those words were perhaps not really expressions of delight didn't occur to you?"

"So? I think you're projecting your still-simmering resentment of Xanatos and your problems with your apartment back then onto Nate and me," I replied, and we both stared at each other again.

"Let's get to the heart of the matter," Davis interrupted our staring before either of us started growling.

"Elisa, you're going to detail your interaction with Nathaniel this morning. Give Lexington an insight. Lexington, you just listen. Please don't interrupt Elisa."

"Okay," we both said at the same time.

Elisa let out a breath as she scratched her head and tussled her artificial silver strands, wondering how she should begin. Then she shrugged her shoulders and dismissed the idea of appeasing anyone in any way.

"I went to see Nathaniel this morning and found him in the bathroom on the floor crying and gasping for breath. I had to drag him out of the apartment and he only calmed down outside. He was completely devastated. So - not just literally."

"What!" I stood up slowly. The huge window in the bedroom looked like you could just jump through it. But sadly, I knew it was gargoyleproof too - that's how I'd planned it. My eyes slowly went back to Elisa and if she was mirroring my expression, I looked fucking miserable.

"Don't look at me like that! I already feel bad enough telling you because I promised him I wouldn't tell anyone about this. But damn it - you two nerds can't get your shit together if no one talks straight. Nathaniel hates the apartment. And it IS awful! It's a fucking nightmare of glossy fronts, tech gadgets and huge rooms that make him feel abandoned and lost. He said he can't live here. But he loves you too much to kick your ass for this affront. He doesn't know how to tell you." Elisa gasped and looked briefly at Davis, who seemed to approve of her choice of words, as she hadn't interrupted Elisa. Instead, the doctor had folded her hands over her small belly, which was visible under her light blue blouse. Elisa continued, less loudly now. "Lex. You didn't do him any favors with your gift. He feels uncomfortable with such a gigantic, impersonal gift. It scares him and makes him think..."

"What? What did he say?" I asked quietly. I couldn't believe that he hated the apartment so much that he'd had a panic attack. Or ... I hadn't wanted to believe it. I had planned everything so carefully and really believed that there was nothing left to be desired here. I hadn't wanted to trample over him.

Elisa looked at me sympathetically, but her lips, pressed into a thin line, were also reproachful.

"He didn't say it like that. But how could he not feel frightened by such an absurdly insane gift? Anyone would feel degraded and incapacitated by it. He's not a hamster that you can build a nice enclosure for."

"What do you mean?" I asked scowling at her comparison.

"You said you would take care of him, Lexington," she said, flinging her arms up like I'd committed some horrible crime. I shook my head in confusion.

"Yes, of course I would. I love him, of course I'll take care of him. Doesn't Goliath want to read your every wish from your eyes? Or you from his?"

"A relationship isn't about fulfilling wishes. It's about finding out what the other person really wants and respecting that."

Elisa raised her hand to the side and pointed to the closed bedroom door.

"Do you really think, with everything you know about Nathaniel, that he wants THIS?"

I felt the blood drain from my face. But my head wasn't ready to admit what my body was already confessing.

"I told him that this apartment isn't ready yet. He can decorate it however he wants."

"With YOUR money, I suppose."

I sat up straight, the way I only did in situations that put me on the defensive or where I had a point to make.

"From my money, of course. Nathaniel was an accountant and that bastard Massoud barely paid him more than minimum wage. Money means nothing to us, you know that, Elisa."

"He wants to be able to care for himself. To learn to stand on his own two feet again and at least be on an equal footing with you. That has something to do with self-worth and respect. Respect for himself, but also for you! Showering him with riches doesn't help. Money means nothing to Gargoyles or you. But it means something to him if it basically conveys to him that he is little more than your property or your pet."

"WHAT!" I jumped up, as did Elisa.

We both flinched as a shrill sound pierced through the sparsely furnished room. Davis took the red whistle out of her mouth and looked at us both. "Sit down, please," she said coolly and we both obeyed, so taken aback were Elisa and I.

Davis cleared her throat. And folded her hands over her knee which was crossed over the other.

"I usually only use my shoo whistle in heated marital disputes. Let's all please stay calm and solution-oriented, shall we?"

"Sorry," Elisa mumbled, and I parroted it just as meekly.

"Good," Davis said slowly. "So. Elisa brought up a way Nathaniel might see the situation that's worth hearing. Elisa, go ahead and elaborate - calmly. Then you, Lexington, can give your point of view. No one backs the other person into a corner."

Elisa leaned forward in her chair and folded her hands. Her look was so serious and insistent that I felt like a whipped dog even before she began to speak.

"I've been a cop for thirty years," she said quietly. "I don't have to read through Davis's records or obtain access to the files of the psychiatric wards where Nate was sporadically placed to realize that Nathaniel comes from an environment where he was mentally and physically violated by people who should have loved and protected him. You love him. And you want to protect him. That is in the nature of gargoyles but above all in your nature because your heart is so big that I have often thought that you bury yourself in your technology, which makes you a loner as a counterweight to it. But precisely because you love him, you want to put him in chains - subconsciously, I'm sure. This apartment deprives him of the independence and dignity that he is desperately trying to rebuild. And yes, he likes gadgets just as much as you do - but even apart from that, this apartment is completely overkill. He was happy in his little room in the castle with you next door. Why does he need so much space? I had two children with Goliath- then the apartment was okay. But Nate ... Is this his style? Even with hand-picked furniture and different paint and all that shit?"

"But it's closer!" I argued.

"Closer to what?" said Elisa and I ducked under the gaze of my former clan leader's mate. "To you!" Elisa answered her own question. "You want this for yourself. Not for him. He wants to feel like himself again. Don't you think living under his gargoyle-mate in a 2000 square foot apartment would be the opposite? Lex. Even if the bars are made of gold, they're still bars."

"NOTHING and nobody is holding him captive here!" I defended myself more heatedly. "He can come and go as he pleases and has all the comforts. He doesn't even need a key or a keycard. I could have his face scanned on all the computers that would recognize him when he comes and goes. Or even a chip under the skin that unlocks -"

"A chip? Like on a dog?" Elisa asked provocatively.

I closed my mouth, opened it again to make a new counterargument ... and closed it again and stared at her. She kept comparing him to an animal and that really annoyed me. But ... a chip under his skin? To make his life easier? But at the same time, of course, I would have built in a search function. Like with a ... dog. It had already been a difficult decision back then for everyone to agree to make their cell phones tracking-compatible. And now I wanted to go so much further? Was that love? Had living surrounded by humans and as Xanatos' partner in our company twisted me so much that I could treat my best friend like this and still call it pure love?

Suddenly I shuddered. From myself. I had known since 2009 about the vision that Puck had placed in Goliath's head on the last leg of his Avalon world tour. Of this ... horrible corrupted version of me that trampled over everything and everyone. And since that time, I also knew about the version of the future in which the Time Dancers had seen and learned to fear me. Of course, the world had developed very differently since 1997 ... but Nash was right. Who was to say that the danger was averted that one or other of the chess pieces on the board wouldn't still move in the direction it had taken there? Is that how I wanted to be? Would this be the beginnings of Future tense Lexington on this time plane?

"Lexington? Everything all right? You're shaking," Davis said. I raised my hands and saw that she was right.

"I ... I wanted to give him a home full of light and space. I didn't want it to scare him. I wanted him to be able to breathe better and not feel suffocated like he did in his previous life as a human without me. I wanted to make a difference for him."

Elisa grabbed my hand with the two splintered claws. Which I had gotten fighting for him and which no stone sleep could heal. I had learned to climb without them.

"But you do. You are important to him. Every moment in which he is aware of your love and friendship. He doesn't need gigantic gifts for that."

"But ... His room in the castle isn't enough. Even if we put our two rooms together, it's not enough. And he needs his own space." I looked at Elisa and fought away my tears. "Humans can't perch on top of each other all the time like gargoyles. Can't fly away from each other when it gets too much for them. He needs a place to retreat to."

I groaned and brought a hand to my head. Another word that could be associated with a small endangered animal. What an asshole I was.

"Your thought processes seem logical from the outside," Davis cut in. "You were trying to be sensitive to Nathaniel's human nature. Gargoyle culture is more communal than most humans, and basically no one in the clan needs their own apartment or rooms. Humans do this mostly to stay healthy and balanced. But don't you think a home should be built and designed together - with consideration for each other's needs, even if they don't seem beneficial at first glance?"

I nodded with my ears hanging down, feeling as exhausted as after a double patrol. Davis and Elisa looked at each other and both stood up. Elisa squeezed my shoulder affectionately while Davis unlocked the door. In the living room, I froze and let my eyes wander around the room as if I were seeing it for the first time. Just as Nathaniel must have seen it. The lights of Manhattan were so incredibly beautiful. But you could barely see them against the gleaming marble floors and glossy white fronts that reflected the light from the ceiling lights. I slowly started to move, feeling the stares of the two people behind me. I let my hand wander over the flawless marble top of the kitchen island with the golden inclusions (20000 dollars per square meter). And I pressed a finger against one of the cupboards in the kitchen (130,000 dollars) whose door swung open five inches. But I didn't want to open or close the door any further. I stared at my fingerprint on the front. God, what was I thinking? It was so impractical! But I loved practicality. I pressed my hand against the door, which closed again with the soft close mechanism, leaving a discreetly greasy imprint of all my fingers and the palm of my hand. Next to it, I saw my own, rather distorted reflection. I growled at it, low and threatening, but getting louder as I grabbed the door with both hands and ripped it off its hinges, throwing it backwards. Then I grabbed one of the drawers next to it and ripped it out too, sending the drawer and cutlery set sailing through the air where everything hit the floor far behind me with a jingling clatter and probably skidded in all directions. That wasn't enough for me. I jumped onto the worktop and tore off the doors of the upper cabinets one by one and flung them away, wiping my arms through the already furnished cupboards and sweeping high-priced plates, cups and bowls out and onto the floor. Then I smashed the carcasses with sheer Gargoyle strength so that the solid wood splintered and cracked under the previously flawless high-gloss fronts and reverberated around the absurdly wide space.

"I'm such an idiot! IdiotIdiotIdiot!" I screeched shrilly. Increasingly agitated, increasingly feral, I set about dismantling the kitchen, hissing and growling as if I were facing an enemy and competing with it to the death. I couldn't stop until I had scratched or destroyed every reflective surface that showed the deformed visage of that Lexington I had vowed not to become all those years ago and ever since, until I was knee-deep in splintered wood and broken objects. I had shredded so much of the kitchen island that the gutted remains could no longer hold up the solid worktop, it cracked loudly and half of it broke off with a loud thud and smashed onto the floor, splintering the marble there too. I walked back through the rubble to the two women, panting and wishing my gargoyle skin wasn't so thick and sturdy that the splinters would really hurt me. I deserved it. No wonder my vitreous prince had run away from me. I gasped in aggravation as I realized for the first time that even his pet name in my head degraded him! Is that how I saw him? As a prince of glass. A fragile, easily to see through creature that should be locked up in an ivory tower to keep him safe and close?

I looked up, trembling, and noticed Elisa putting her cell phone away.

"You filmed that?" I asked.

"Yup," she just said.

And I nodded. "Send me the video, please."

Elisa smiled and did just that while I turned my gaze to Davis. She cleared her throat, her face slightly pained, as if she had heartburn from eating too much. Perhaps she had eaten too much before this session with me.

"Doctor. Next appointment for me?" I asked and her eyes went wide and her smile almost a little strained.

"Oh, um. One-on-one or partner therapy?"

"I'll have to ask Nate first. But if he wants both," I replied.

"I'll email you with possible appointments," she said, blinking wearily. I'd kept her pretty busy for not wanting her help so far. She probably had other misanthropic relationship cripples to treat. I sighed and put a hand to my temple. Realizing the truth hurt. But wanting to do something about it, really wanting to improve was somehow ... scary and liberating at the same time. I felt Elisa's fingers brush over the arch of my brow.

"Lexington. You love him and want to protect him all the more because of his past experiences. But love and control should never be one and the same."

"You're so right. Thank you, Elisa. Thank you. But ... I have this urge. How can I protect him if he's not with me?" I said, my voice trembling.

"You can't always do that, Lex. Goliath and I have had the same conversation several times. We can't keep all the dangers from the ones we love. You can't guard him every night any more than he can protect you during the day. Everyone is vulnerable, Lexington. But... It helps to know that someone cares."

"I ... I want to see him. Do you think he'd want to see me?"

"He loves you. He always wants to see you. Now I can give you this."

She handed me a piece of paper from her jeans pocket. I opened it, recognized the scrawled writing and looked up at Elisa questioningly.

She shrugged her shoulders with a smile.

"He wrote it for you and it was hanging on the bedroom door. He didn't run away from you ... he ... just decided to do something else at the moment. Remember that. His life. Get together and find a compromise."

"Thank you, Elisa."

"And?"

I looked to Davis and really was serious about my thanks to her.

She smiled. "Go to him. No pressure. Even if he seems like the softer, more malleable partner, he shouldn't be put under the pressure of having to justify his life choices. Just gentleness and understanding."

"Eye level," I said, nodding.

"Eye level," Davis returned.

.

When Lexington was gone, both women sighed with relief.

"Man, that went so much better than I thought it would," Elisa admitted.

"Absolutely. We didn't need the stun gun," Davis replied with a wink, rubbing her stomach as if it was causing her trouble.

Once again, Elisa noticed that the woman in her early forties, who had always been slim, had put on a little weight. The fuller hips and flushed cheeks looked good on her and made her more approachable and (even if the word seemed inappropriate) more human. Elisa smiled at the woman to whom she had entrusted her most intimate secrets for ten years. Of course, it was possible that the woman had just snacked a little too much in the last few months. After a certain age, the body became a somewhat more voluminous. But the way Davis was beaming, perhaps it was more the other thing. They weren't friends. But Elisa still decided to be happy for the other woman. Even late motherhood was wonderful - she knew that.

Thanks for reading, Q.T.

I know - a therapy session like this is not that interesting. But now that Nate is human again, the story takes on a different pace. It's supposedly taking a more "normal" course. There will be a lot of scenes that are more about Lexington and Nathaniel's relationship with little action. But I think ... if you stick with this story, you're not doing it for the action necessarily.