Woke up in a mattress store. "Oh suck my dick Kelvin." He told the manager. Burt came home. "Urgh, never go on a beer-filled trip with goldenfold, but the man knows to party." Burt around the garage door missing. "Sh*t, where is Beth and the monkey?" Rick came with a tray of canapés.
Burt was about to grab one but was slapped his hand away. "If you're going to throw a party let me eat the damn appetizers!" Burt sat on the couch massaging his cyborg brain. "Ugh hangovers are so much worse."
Summer walked in front of Burt. "Uncle Burt you need to leave." He just ignored her. "No one in schools wants to have a party with their teacher." He sighed.
Burt then thought for a moment. "Wait, I'm your uncle and I'm staying in this house and I'm having fun! I don't need to listen to a niece who huffs pottery glaze." Summer froze, luckily no one was there to hear him. "So leave me the fuck alone, while I lay on this couch, trying to remember how it was to be a party addicted idiot." Summer rolled her eyes at him and walked away.
Not a second passed before another nagging baby came. "Uncle Burt, You have to s-stop them!"
He sighed and sat up. "There are two boxes in my attic saying cleaning droids, they kept gaining sentience after a month but a few hours will be fine, turn them on, relax, and let me sleep. Tell your grandpa no Nephorian sluts!" Burt turned around before the party people came. He woke up and found he was surrounded by catwoman. "Dammit, Dad." They jumped on him and started ripping him apart until only his metal skeleton and brain in a robotic jar left.
He came back home. "Wow, what happened to you?" Rick asked, holding a tray with food, Burt just ran at the snake table and ate everything whole. A flesh goo started replacing his body slowly and luckily the thing also covered his crotch. "Oh! Party foal dude!" Burt grabbed the vodka and drank it all screamed.
"PARTY TIL WE DIE!" The crowd cheered for him and it got back to the right mood.
Burt walked around high fiving and fisting anyone that offered, Morty came to kill his mood. "Uncle B-Burt the place is being destroyed and-" He held his mouth.
"Morty, I have been protecting you since you were like freaking six months old, and now you're in a high school intergalactic party. sqaunch one night instead of sqaunching yourself every night!" He then punched the gear head. "You're boring everyone to shit!" Burt left Morty to see the bird person.
He leaned on the door frame "Tammy, I should let you know, I just got out of a highly intense soul bond with my previous spirit mate." Burt just waiting for the bird person to seal the deal.
"I'm not looking to get into a soul bond I'm just looking for..." She got closer and whispered something highly erotic.
"I believe Birdperson can arrange that." That was Burt's que.
"Hey Tammy, so how's it been Big B to the P!" Burt laughed and Tammy just got closer to the bird person starting to kiss him. "Tammy chock on his BP later, I need to talk with him." Tammy whispered into his ear again and left.
Bird person looked at Burt. "You have grown since our last encounter." Burt laughed. "I still do not understand how you survived that supernova explosion." Burt shrugged.
"Mostly opening a wormhole to the galactic federation's homeworld." Bird person nodded. "My rebellion phase, was a f*cking trip." Bird person pointed a raygun at him and placed one knife middle finger to his throat. "Still pissed about me selling the federation that fart?" Bird person lowered his gun and Burt his switchblade finger. "I love this mother f*cker! Yea!" The rest of the idiots cheered.
"Just because you have great deeds, I won't rip you open."
"Same bro." Burt said, grabbing a red cup before he heard a wall break.
He went to see Abradolf Lincler? "I'm going to see if I can get into a threeway." he ran upstairs. "Who invited that freak?" He asked before seeing the lines of two people doing it. "Oh hey mind if I join?." He lifted to find the hump alien who I'm calling michi so deal with it! "I told you to stop drinking, if you can't handle anything!" He drank from his red cup and then spit out a tinny person.. "I'm going back to bed." He pulled the attic door and went up like an evil twin in a third rate halloween special.
When he woke up and came down the to see robots were trying to eat each other. "Never use alcohol as your fuel, just makes everything lazy." Burt looked around and then saw the car stopping he ran out. "Listen guys I can explain." He said knowing summer would tell them about the whole punching gear men and getting drunk. "This is all a hologram, I'm pranking you sis and bitch!" Before they entered the house, He felt his wallet disappear and notice his underwear was backwards. "Wait."
Jerry yelled. "When they get a piece of my— huh wait? What but everything was."
Beth looked back to Burt. "The house was destroyed."
Burt laughed. "I pranked you! Hahaha oh that was a good one right?" He asked rick and the rest of the family.
Rick and the kids started laughing. "Y-Yea, we wanted to see if you would fall for it! R-right kids?"
"Yep you should have seen your faces." Summer said laughing and Morty joined in.
Burt guided them to the kitchen. "So any plans?" He said looking around for any damage.
Jerry smiled. "We're going to the cold stone!" Burt nodded, questioning who goes to the ice cream place after a romantic go away, even if he didn't know where they went.
Beth looked at Burt. "Wanna come along? You might need a break after the madness these three do."
Burt laughed. "No, no, enjoy your ice cream." He said with a smile.
After Burt got his phone out scanned the three time stoppers. "Holy Einstein's right ball sack, You're radiating unstable time particles. My advice would be sit somewhere and suck your thumbs," He told the three and stepped away. "and don't go near or breath near me." He ran into his attic and got a camera with a time crystal stuck on it and when he got outside he saw hundreds of cats floating. "Yea, this place is a box that's dead and alive." He entered the kitchen and then the garage. "Dad? Morty? Summer? If you're wearing the invisibility belt, just so you know it causes your libido to go over drive after two to three hours." He sighed and heard sounds from his camera. He was placed in the garage and saw complete madness happening. He took the crystal and placed it into his phone.
Both Ricks were about to press the button. "and here we go—" He took his phone. "Big R speaking."
Burt laughed and continued. "So um what are you trying to do?" Burt asked.
Both ricks. "Trying to f-fix our time ripping apart, what else does it look like, Burt?."
Burt sighed. "Yea, but you can't if both summers and morty's are uncertain." Rick looked shocked.
Both Rick looked at summer. "W-wh-what? What are you two so uncertain about? What kind of zid cream do you need to use? How to stay quiet while I do everything?" Burt hung up and turned on the computer checking if the meatball doctor who was coming to them.
He watched the explaining how he does care and then Burt joined. "put me on speaker" He did as told. "And for the sake of your fingers, stop whining about every little thing! I mean high school is hell and it less worth than the average stains on some fat pricks T shirt, but atleast it will end so stop trying to be popular and do your home work!" He yelled. "Also Summer stop taking my notes you little sh*t!" He hung up and set up the time crystal and opened a portal to cat hell and tried to grab Rick out of the but once he removed his hand out of portal his hand was split in two. "Why didn't I go with beth." He asked and then watched his dad about to return but one little shits word caused a uncertainty.
Burt called rick but the man was too cofused. "No that pricks just having you call while he builds this!" he build the gun and tried to shoot himself but that failed. "Wow! Hide!" The kids tried but then rick started shooting where he presumed the other Summer and morty would and started shooting around until the timeline broke again, but the shooting continued until rick stood in the center and Morty nocked him out.
"Oh! That must have hurt!" Burt yelled until his alarm went off. "Sh*t " He pulled his gun out waving around like his father for hours. "Where are you mother f*cker! I know how time prison works atleast, the one I was in and it was sexier." He said before getting a time bubble placed around him and was sent of to a different time period.
The meat ball disappeared and reappeared with the family there. "Yes! We're bac— where's Burt?"
The meat ball pointed his weird slug gun. "where Ya'll are going to time prison!" They all look at him shocked at the sudden betrayal.
meanwhile.
Burt was drinking from a bottle watching the Eiffel tower being finished. "Ok I build the lady liberty trojan assassin bot, i get a hidden room and We go to brothels until we can't walk for a week." He thought in english but his lips and mouth spoke in french. The persob he was talking to nodded and both ended up drunk.
Burt watched over the creation of the statue and was mostly drunk during it's construction. Once it was done he fell asleep and after a few years he woke up and got out of it with the worst hangover. "Fucking christ! Oh no drunk cryopods! It feels like a hangover and a brain freeze had a baby and now it's fucking my head!" He said massaging his temples as the foggy vision was wearing off and then he fell off the railing. "Aaaaah!" He opened a portal into the ground and was sent to the ocean. "Shit, nimbus can you help me out?" He asked and nothing happened and so he swam to the beast and opened a portal back home wearing clothing from the victorian era.
He came to the garage to find Jerry and Beth laughing at the three. "Oh look prince albert!" Beth said seeing Burt who had sideburns now.
"How was time prison?" Rick asked burt shrugged.
"I jumped out before I reached it." Rick just nodded and continued to endure the laughter. "This is pain." He rick nodded.
Authors note: So ething to hold over while we wait.